Christmas Smiles And Facts ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ * . . . | . * * . \|/ . . -->*<-- . /|\ . ' | ' * | . * . | . ' _ _ .:. . ( | .-. ___ .'_`. WWW \w/ \V/ |/(_)\ .'.-.`. `(_)' (_) (_) (_) |// \\ `/(_)\' // \\ _/ | _/ | _/ | _ _ \/| |/ //)_(\\ \| |/ %%__/| $$__/| &&__/| _-(_)- _-(_)- | | | /(o___))\ | | | | | | | | `(___) `(___) | | | ` / \' | | | | | | | | jgs // \\ // \\ | |_| /_____\ |_| |_| |_| |_| *~* Wishing You And Yours A Blessed Safe And Merry Christmas! >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) .--._.--.--.__.--.--.__.--.--.__.--.--._.--. _(_ _Y_ _Y_ _Y_ _Y_ _)_ [___] [___] [___] [___] [___] [___] /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ /:' \ |:: | |:: | |:: | |:: | |:: | |:: | \::. / \::. / \::. / \::. / \::. / \::. / jgs \::./ \::./ \::./ \::./ \::./ \::./ '=' '=' '=' '=' '=' '=' We have 2 new scorchers today inspired by our friends Melody and LouiseA! They are sure to warm your heart and dazzle you! Turn your sound on, give them time to load and be sure to check out their videos too! Record Christmas Lights http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/recordlights.html Disney Christmas 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas2.html --- ...So Beautiful and Fun! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: _...._ .' '. / _ _ \ | O O | ; ; .-;-. \ '--' / /\.7./\ .-. '. .' .-./\/ )/ (_ \ ) ( / _)/ ` \ '-' '-' /\/ '. () .'\/ | | |/ | () | ; ; | () | ; /\ ; _ / / \ \ _ jgs / ` .' '. ` \ \___.' '.___/ Curious Facts The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic." Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means, "the king is dead". Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head." Camel's milk does not curdle. An animal epidemic is called an epizootic. Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants. The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used. Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan All porcupines float in water. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. Non-dairy creamer is flammable. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was called "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.) The only nation whose name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an "A" is Afghanistan. When opossums are playing 'possum', they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. Ben and Jerry's sends the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life." The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth. Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex. Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy. Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early mattresses were filled with straw and held up with rope stretched across the bedframe. A tight sleep was a comfortable sleep. "Three dog night" (attributed to Australian Aborigines) came about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people needed three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing. Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The skipper's real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their radio's newscast about the wreck. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since. [It floats in gasoline, too.] Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. The saying "it's so cold out there it could freeze the balls off a brass monkey" came from when they had old cannons like ones used in the Civil War. The cannonballs were stacked in a pyramid formation, called a brass monkey. When it got extremely cold outside, they would crack and break off... Thus the saying. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself. The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows." If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. (ed. note: if the rider's head is up the horse's ass, the rider died a politician.) No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired." Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village." There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 22 is National Date Nut Bread Day December 23 is Festivus and Roots Day December 24 is National Chocolate Day and National Egg Nog Day December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day December 26 is Boxing Day December 27 is Make Cut Out Snowflakes Day and National Fruitcake Day December 28 is Card Playing Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .--------. * . |________| . * | __|/\ * .-'======\_\o/. /___________<>__\ |||||| / (o) (o) \ |||||| | _ O _ | . . |||||| | (_) (_) | |||||| \ '---' / * \====/ [~~~~~~~~~] \\// _/~||~`|~~~~~\_ _||-'`/ || | \`'-._ * * .-` )| ; || |) ; '. / `--.| || | | `\ | \ |||||) |-, \ . \ .; _ ; |_, | `'''||` ,\ (_) /, `.__/ ||.` '. .' `. * * || ` ' ' ` \ || ; . * || | . || | * || | .__.-""-.__.-"""|| ;.-"""-.__.-""-.__. || / jgs ||'. .' || '-._ _ _ _ _.-' `""` >Christmas Guest My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Christmas. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter. So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who's coming to your house this weekend with big tummy and a jolly laugh?" Katie replied, "I think it's my Uncle Brian." -<>- >Disguising Gifts I try to be creative at disguising obvious gifts when wrapping Christmas presents. One year I bought a video for my four-year-old son, and not wanting him to guess what it was, I put it in a cereal box, wrapped it and put it under the tree. Christmas morning he tore off the paper, let out a whoop and exclaimed, "Look, Mom, I got breakfast!" -<>- >Driving Test I failed my driver's test. The examiner asked me, "What do you do at a red light?" I said, "I don't know, look around, listen to the radio." -<>- >Gifts you REALLY Don't Want What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don't Like*? 10. "Well, well, well, now, there's a gift!" 9. "No, with all the hostile takeovers this year, I missed the big Ronco/K-Tel/Ginsu merger. Would you just look at that! What will they think of next?!" 8. "Hey, as long as I don't have to feed it, or clean up after it, or put batteries in it, I'm happy!" 7. "No, really, I didn't know that there was a Chia Pet tie! Oh, wow! It's a clip-on too!" 6. "You know, I always wanted one of these! Jog my memory -- what's it called again?" 5. "You know what? -- I'm going to find a special place to put this!" 4. "Boy, you don't see craftsmanship like that every day!" 3. "And it's such an interesting color too!" 2. "You say that was the last one? Am I ever glad that you snapped that baby up!" And the number one thing to say about the Christmas gifts you didn't like is: "You shouldn't have! I mean it -- you really shouldn't have!" -<>- >Violin for Christmas When my daughter was three, she wanted a violin for Christmas more than anything in the world, and we were successful in finding one just the right size for her. She unwrapped the instrument with great pleasure, then tucked it under her tiny chin, serious and solemn. She slowly ran the bow across the strings, and there was a squeal of discord. She looked up at us in surprise: "Where's the music?" ========================================================= .---. .' , _\ _ /_____\{_} / ( . {_______} | `|_ / . . \ \_.'_} |. v .| {_.'| \ '...' / | \{`'.___.'`} \ /'._ _.'`\ \ ; o ``` \ ; o \ \_ | o_ \.'` } ;==[_]======{__.'\ \ |/) | `; .' /_/ / `- / / / /\ \ {`-._/ \ _.'`} ;-.__} {__.'\ __/ / \_ \ ( ` / / / jgs '.__/ (__.' >-->Funny Christmas Jokes Sean: Knock, knock. Fawn: Who’s there? Sean: Murray. Fawn: Murray who? Sean: Murray Christmas, one and all! Will: What’s a good time for Santa to come down the chimney? Bill: What? Will: Anytime! Will: Where do snowmen keep their money? Bill: Beats me. Will: In a snow bank. Tim: Did you know Santa had only eight reindeer last Christmas? Jim: Why? Tim: Comet stayed home to clean the sink. Chris: What do snowmen like to do on the weekend? Chrissy: What? Chris: Chill out. L E T I T .--._ S / (`{_} ) *\ N / | |* '. O /_...._* \ ;' ____ '.| W _ _ / .' `'. \ _ /` `| / `\ _ (_/ e e \_) _/ ` / | ' |_ | /) | ( '. _.-' '. .' ) \ // , / .' `._) `(_.' '. /'(/"""`_.;,_.'* / \ * './ `----`\.:\\ / \ * \ :: :: :| .|| * / '. ':: :: _/:'|' / '. * `````/` |* .' | * /.:'/ | \ * ,'` /* / .'._ / .:'| _.'. .' `"|.:' \ '. / \' .:. \ ; \ .:' '-._ ; " "-. _| ':' .:' = |- "`` --. | '. .:' = | ; `-:_= ; \ / jgs '. .' `"- ... -- "` Josh: What does Jack Frost like best about school? John: What? Josh: Snow and tell. Zoey: What do you get if you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree? Johnny: I don’t know. What? Zoey: A pineapple! Moe: What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year? Joe: I haven’t decided yet. Moe: What did you give him last year? Joe: The measles. Pedro: What has a jolly laugh, brings you presents and scratches up your furniture? Ordep: Beats me. What? Pedro: Santa Claws. Santa: Knock, knock. Elf: Who’s there? Santa: Olive. Elf: Olive, who? Santa: Olive the other reindeer. -<>- ___ / __'. .-"""-. .-""-| | '.'. / .---. \ / .--. \ \___\ \/ /____| | / / \ `-.-;-(`_),____.-'._ ; ; `.-" "-:_,(o:==..`-. '. .-"-, | | / \ / `\ `. \ / .-. \ \ \ | Y __...\ \ \ / / \/ /\ | | | .--""--.| .-' \ '.`---' / \ \ / / |` \' _...--.; '---'` \ '-' / jgs /_..---.._ \ .'\\_ `. `--'` .' (_) `'/ (_) / `._ _.'| .' ``````` '-...--'` "A Visit From St. Nicholas" by Clement Clarke Moore (ASCII art by joan stark) `'`;, ___H_ _(`) _ _ 'Twas the night before Christmas _/\ \ ( ) ) (o\_/o) and all through the house... /\__\\____\( )_) |. .| Not a creature was stirring, ||""||''''| |`| =\ /= not even a mouse. ~~~`""""`""""`~~~~~~ ^ _ _ _ _ The stockings were hung |=| |=| |~| |=| o _ by the chimney with care, | | | | | | | | |(')---.| In hopes that St. Nicholas /(| /(| /(| /(| |~~|o _ | would soon be there. (_/ (_/ (_/ (_/ |===|(')---.| |~~| | The children were all nestled _,_ o _|=======| all snug in their beds, _,_(( ) |(')---.| While visions of sugar plums (( )`-`_,_ |~~| | danced in their heads. '-' (( ) |=======| `-` o _ And Mamma in her 'kerchief, ___, |(')---.| and I in my cap, /(__\ .---. |~~| | Had just settled our brains |__)__| / \_\ |=======| for a long winter's nap. ,@@. .@@, |_____|\| ,@@ ^ @@, //. .\\ (IIIIIIIIIII) When out on the lawn `"\_=_/"` ( ^ ) ) ; ( there arose such a clatter, \_=_/ ( ;|; ) I sprang from my bed ( ;`|`; ( to see what was the matter. * ____ . * ) ;' | '; ( .'_ '. (=@'--|--'@=) Away to the window ' ` `)a \ . ' ) '; | ;` ( I flew like a flash, . * /_ | ( ;___|___; ) Tore open the shutters ,__.=' / + ' ),;=======;,( and threw up the sash. + '.____.' . ~ ~ ' . . The moon on the breast ' * . _\/ \/_ of the new-fallen snow _\/\/_ Gave the lustre of mid-day . * _\_\_\/\/_/_/_ to objects below. _ _H_ + / /_/\/\_\ \ + [_] (_)_ _/\/\_ When, what to my wondering |=( : ) . /\ /\ eyes should appear, ' |( : ) * : * ' But a miniature sleigh, `~~`~~`"""`~~`~ . _\/ \/_ . and eight tiny reindeer. * \ \ / / * __. .--, -=>: X :<=- With a little old driver, .=,{\/ _/ /`) * / _/ \_ \ * so lively and quick, . ' (`._(_.;` / ' /\ /\ ' I knew in a moment . ' \_________/ * ' * it must be St. Nick. (___Y_____Y___, .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, . ' .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, ) More rapid than eagles `\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )< his coursers they came. /< <\ ()<_{:' /_____\ He had a broad face `'//\\'` {`_______`} and a little round belly, // \\ // . . \\ That shook when he laughed, /' '\ ( (__O__) ) like a bowl full of jelly. {[]==u `-'} { } He was chubby and plump, ____ /{ }\ a right jolly old elf, .'` `\ / '. .' \ And I laughed when I saw him, ;---.._ \ /_/ `"` \_\ in spite of myself; ,=,==, \_...__\ | {__}###[_]###{__} __\|_/__ | a - '.| (_/\_________/\_) A wink of his eye | || |--.o.--'(_) |___|___| and a twist of his head, | || |-' = '-` )-. jgs |--|--| Soon gave me to know |___||___| ) \ (__)`(__) I had nothing to dread. |"""||"""| ) | |__ || _| ) | He spoke not a word, /` )||__\'\;'--.-' | but went straight to his work, \ /`-;( / .' / And filled all the stockings; '-.; '--| ; .-'| [IIIII] then turned with a jerk, `'--.;--'...-' [IIIII]=| |=====|=| And laying his finger |=====| | aside of his nose, | | | And giving a nod, _/\_ __/\__ | | | up the chimney he rose; ) (_ _) .' ( | | \ `) '.( ) .' (` | ; \ He sprang to his sleigh, `-._\()/__(~` |`'. \ \ to his team gave a whistle, ()() \ ; \ \ And away they all flew / |`\ \' \.'| like the down of a thistle. ) : ( \ .'|_/ `)_/` '._:_/ But I heard him exclaim, Ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night !" __. .--, .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, _.-.=,{\/ _/ /`) .-/___,-/___,-/___,-/___, ) _..-'`-(`._(_.;` / `\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )`\ _ )<`--''` (__\_________/___, /< <\ - Q. What did the cow say on Christmas morning? A. Mooooey Christmas! Q. What never eats at Christmas time? A. The turkey - it's usually STUFFED! Q. Why couldn't the Christmas tree stand up? A. A Christmas tree does not have legs like we do! Q. What is the most special part of your body at Christmas? A. MistleTOE! Q. What goes “oh, oh, oh”? A. Santa walking backwards! Q. What do monkeys sing at Christmas? A. Jungle bells, jungle bells! Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas? A. Sandy claws! Q. What is green, white, and red all over? A. A sunburnt elf! Q. What rains at the north pole? A. Reindeer! Q. Which of Santas reindeer has bad manners? A. Rude-olph! ====================================================== >-->A Little Australian Humor :) .-} .-} .-} |_| |_| |_| (_) (_) __ (_) .---. | \ .--. | \.' '. | \/ \ |\_|--o ) |\_|--o ; |\_|--o | |:| '--' |:|'.__.' |:|\ / |:| |:| |:| `---` |:|_ |:|_ |:|_ ^jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Q. What's a crocodile's favourite game? A. Snap! Q. What's small, furry and bright purple? A. A koala holding its breath! Q. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A. A stick! Q. Why did the emu cross the road? A. To prove he wasn't a chicken! Q. Why did the dingo cross the road twice? A. Because he was a double-crosser! Q. What's a koala's favourite drink? A. Coca Koala! Q. What do crocodiles call children? A. Appetisers! Q. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with sheep? A. A woolly jumper! Q. What animal can jump higher than the Sydney Harbour Bridge? A. All animals, because bridges can't jump! Q. Why do kangaroo mums hate bad weather? A. Their joeys have to play inside! ======================================================= ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A SNOWMAN by Frank Brothers __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ \/ \/ \/ \/ .\/. It's okay if you're a little bottom .\/. -=><=- heavy -*- Hold your ground, even -=><=- '/\' when the heat is on. -*- Wearing '\/' __ /\ __ white is always appropriate. -*- __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ -*- Winter is the best of the four \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> seasons. -*- It takes a few extra <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ rolls to make a good midsection. /_,/\,_\ \/ -*- There is nothing better than a \/ .\/. foul-weather friend. -*- The key to .\/. -=><=- life is to be a jolly, happy soul. -=><=- '/\' -*- It's not the size of the carrot, '\/' __ /\ __ but the placement that counts -*- __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ We're all made up of mostly water. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> -*- You know you've made it when <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ they write a song about you. -*- /_,/\,_\ \/ Accessorize! Accessorize! Access- \/ .\/. orize! -*- Avoid yellow snow. -*- .\/. -=><=- Don't get too much sun. -*- Don't -=><=- '/\' put someone else's corncob pipe in '/\' __ /\ __ your mouth - you never know where __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ it's been. -*- It's embarrassing \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> when you can't look down and see <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ your feet. -*- It's fun to hang out /_,/\,_\ \/ in your front yard. -*- Always put \/ .\/. your best foot forward. -*- There's .\/. -=><=- no stopping once you're on a roll. -=><=- '/\' . _{_}_ * '/\' __ /\ __ + /_..._\ + __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ * /` `\ \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> | _.-----._ | <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ ,_ \/ o o \/ . _ /_,/\,_\ \/ \| | V | , |/ * \/ .\/. + _\\ . \ '...' / \//--. .\/. -=><=- ` \\/ |`'-----;`\-.//_ -=><=- '/\' .--\\ .'-.____.|-(.// , . '/\' __ /\ __ \) _ \ \/ '-'\ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ * ; (_) | |;.__/ + \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> " "" | _ \ \| . "" <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ """" "| (_) \_.;"" "" /_,/\,_\ \/ "" \ / "" " \/ .\/. "" .. '._ _.' H A P P Y .\/. -=><=- .. '-----' H O L I D A Y S-=><=- '/\' """ .. """ '/\' __ /\ __jgs ""__ /\ __ "" __ /\ __ ""__ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ \/ \/ \/ \/ -<>- >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >Smiles Two blondes are racing down a bumpy back road in a pretty beat up car down to a bank they're going to rob. "Drive slower" pleads the one in the passenger seat, "I don't want all the nitro in the trunk to explode." "Relax," the driver replies, "even if it did, I've got a spare box under the seat . . . " -------- I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked, "Does she like you?" -------- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money." -------- Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned." -------- A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, partying with the boys, and spending his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?" He replied, "That would be fine with me." Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went -- with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough that he could see her a little, out of the corner of his left eye.... -------- The young blonde was at the wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people behind you know what you're doing." She turned to the students sitting in the back seat and announced, "I'm going left." ---- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- * . . . | . * * . \|/ . . -->*<-- . /|\ . ' | ' * | . * . | . ' _ _ .:. . ( | .-. ___ .'_`. WWW \w/ \V/ |/(_)\ .'.-.`. `(_)' (_) (_) (_) |// \\ `/(_)\' // \\ _/ | _/ | _/ | _ _ \/| |/ //)_(\\ \| |/ %%__/| $$__/| &&__/| _-(_)- _-(_)- | | | /(o___))\ | | | | | | | | `(___) `(___) | | | ` / \' | | | | | | | | jgs // \\ // \\ | |_| /_____\ |_| |_| |_| |_| >Top Things Overheard on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem - "OK, we got gold. We got the frankincense. We got the Myrrh. Think we should get something more practical, like diapers maybe?" - "I thought this was SUPPOSED to be a WEEKEND road trip. Boy, is my wife ever gonna be ticked when I get home." - "All this gazing at a star while riding a camel is making me woozy." - "I still say it wouldn't hurt to drop by Balthazar's place for another visit on the way back. That was SOME buffet!" - "16 hours a day on a camel. Are you sure this beats walking?" - "Why should I always have to be in the rear? It's somebody else's turn to get sand in his face." - "You guys have any idea how to treat saddle sores?" - "Man, I'm starting to get a rush from this frankincense!" - "You guys ever eat camel meat? I hear it tastes like chicken." - "You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem." - "What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?" - "Hey, do you either of you know why "MYRRH" is spelled with a "Y" instead of a "U"?" - "Okay, who forgot to give their camel a bath before we left?" - "Whaddya mean we'll be part of history? A year from now, nobody will have a clue why we did this." And the top thing overheard on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem: - "I can't wait to see and bow down before the Messiah that has long been foretold!" --- ...Oh Yeah! Thanks LouiseA! ==================================================== >-->From Our Friend gh0striders :) .-----. ( #-...'`\ \ # | _ )"===="| _ (_`"======"`_) /`""""""""`\ | o _o\ ,_ | (_>| ___ {` `}__ \ '.___/--# _ _ ."` `"=, `;"` `"=, '. ;-._:'\ {_}:_`'=='` _,=="""=,\ / _.-'`\ )===\ <)_/ __ `'--.=" _.====, `| ; _.'` _.;` .---""`====`-'\__.' `| `'_(| ^.^ |)/ ;'` _.:_^} / ()\ / )';_'='_/.' _ .'=_._\___.-|`|| || _ \___..--' \_.-' .'` '.=/(__/` | _`-.=||_||_||_||_|/` | | () | / / o| \ \_/ .=`-`/ \\_/ ; ; /`-,_/ o| |-' /`-..-' ~~ |/ \ ()/ `(`___ o/__/ \_/` / \ '. / _`\ \`""` \ __ __\ \ '-./ __, _.'`\ `; || `'.'._ /-"// {{o '.'. //" // ( `\ \_ || ,/`-.`./ // {{ \/`.`.// // \ .-`\ `\ jgs `\\_/ `'-.// `\\_/ `'; o// \___) `._____.' `"` `"` >Good friends very True At least I agree with most of this. "Good friends are like quilts-they age with you, yet never lose their warmth." I am forwarding this to those on my Seniors email list because it is so well written. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s, 60s & 70s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach, in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, eventually, I remember the important things. Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it). MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! Forward this to at least 7 people, and see what happens on your screen. You will laugh your head off! --- ...LOL! Good Thoughts! Thanks gh0striders! ==================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) __ .:::'-. /::: '. /::: \ /::: \: | /::: |:: ; /::: \:: ( /:::: ':.)'. .'```--'`'-.__.-" /. `\ / ( ' ' '| (' | | ' . ) . '. ) / ) . ' . ' )_.' \ ;'--""-...-'-.__/ '-/ , \ ;_ )`-. .( \ ."`` ` | `\ / | ; ; \ _| | _| '-. | '.(_/ \(_/ \ | __ | ; `'.__.- (._.) ._. / \ \ ) | /` `'. '. ( / ; '. `'-'-._` _.' / `. '-' / |`-. _.' _| `. '--;` jgs_.-""` .`"=. .-._| / ' ) ` . `-""-. \ . ( ' . ( ' ) `/-.__.--._ ' ._ ' .' /::::. `""`` `--`\ /::::::. \ >Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime -By Mr. Grinch Whether these changes are good or bad depends in part on how we adapt to them. But, ready or not, here they come. 1. The Post Office Get ready to imagine a world without the post office. They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably no way to sustain it long term. Email,Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive. Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills. 2. The Cheque Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheque by 2018. It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process cheques.Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the cheque. This plays right into the death of the post office. If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail, the post office would absolutely go out of business. 3. The Newspaper - we're seeing this today The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper. They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition. That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man. As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it. The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance. They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services. 4. The Book - this one too You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music.The same thing will happen with books. You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book. And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story, can't wait to see what happens next, and you forget that you're holding a gadget instead of a book. 5. The Land Line Telephone - only keep it for my occasional Faxusage Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don't need it anymore. Most people keep it simply because they've always had it. But you are paying double charges for that extra service. All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes 6. Music This is one of the saddest parts of the change story. The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because of illegal downloading. It's the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record labels and the radio conglomerates are simply self-destructing. Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalogue items," meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit. To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check out the book, "Appetite for Self-Destruction" by Steve Knopper, and the video documentary, "Before the Music Dies." 7. Television Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers. And they're playing games and doing lots of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV. Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to most of it. It's time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery. Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix. 8. The "Things" That You Own Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply reside in "the cloud." Today your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services." That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider. In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books, or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device.That's the good news. But, will you actually own any of this "stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big "Poof?" Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a CD case and pull out the insert. 9. Privacy Soon there will be no secrets! If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically,it would be privacy. That's gone. It's been gone for a long time anyway.. There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7, "They" know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to reflect those habits. "They"will try to get you to buy something else. Again and again. All we will have left that can't be changed are "Memories". And then "Alzheimer's" will take that away from you too! --- ...Wow. Thanks PatDeE! - I Think.. TeeHee! I suggest Mr.Grinch visit these pages: 90/10 Principle! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/giving.html Attitude Is Everything! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html Think Happy Thoughts! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/happythoughts.html Think Positive! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/positive.html Top Reasons To S M I L E! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: For Bizarre News, this IS a Christmas story. It has everything you could want in a bizarre Christmas story; a church, a fire, the police and a naked guy claiming to be Jesus. A Roswell, Georgia pastor spoke out after a man who was found naked allegedly set his church on fire. Police arrested Juan Ramirez, 24, after they found him naked near the church. Police said Ramirez admitted to setting the church on fire. According to the incident report, authorities responded after they were told a man was wandering around naked. Authorities found the man, identified as Ramirez, and said he told them he was trying to get in touch with Indian gods. Ramirez says he is Jesus but Father Phillip Scott thinks he's far from it. "It was 36 degrees by the thermometer on my car and he was arrested totally nude ... I don't know about it being crazy. Let's just put it this way, there's something wrong," Scott said. Scott said Ramirez ignited four fires on the property. The father has lived on the property for more than 35 years. Part of the church building burned, but Scott said they have insurance, and people came from all over to help clean. -<>- The bizarre News story of the week, of course, is the cancellation of the release of some stupid Seth Rogen and James Franco movie called 'The Interview' after an anonymous group of hackers (North Korea) broke into Sony Pictures and started threatening terrorist attacks against cinemas that played it. Personally, I think this sets and interesting precedent. You know, I have never liked Angelina Jolie. I think she is over- rated in every way. Plus, she's annoying and obnoxious. She has a new movie she has directed called 'Unbroken' coming out which is probably going to be just a big waste of time and money, but with the power of all Bizarre News subscribers behind a simple campaign...but...maybe this is not the best idea to discuss it. A much less widely read, but more amusing story comes from Canada where a young man went to the Internet to find a travel partner for a trip he is planning. That isn't all that bizarre, but the fact that he was looking for a travel partner named Elizabeth Gallagher is. You see, last year 27-year-old Toronto resident Jordan Axani had planned a once-in-a-lifetime, round-the-world trip with his then girlfriend Elizabeth Gallagher. As sometimes happens with boyfriends and girlfriends, they broke up. So there he was, with thousands of dollars in tickets and reservations for a woman named Elizabeth Gallagher, but no Elizabeth Gallagher. So he went to the Internet. And incredibly, he found her! A 23-year-old student named Elizabeth Quinn Gallagher agreed and is set to jet off with Axani around the world. However, the trip will be strictly platonic since she already has a boyfriend. But something tells me that when she is in Greece getting plastered on Jordan's dime...well you know. Cause the cancellation of a $50 million movie, pull a woman named Elizabeth Gallagher out of thin air for a round-the- world sex-fest...Is there nothing the Internet can't do? *-- Mom calls into C-SPAN to tell her pundit sons to stop arguing --* WASHINGTON (UPI) - Whether it be at the Christmas dinner table or on television, moms do not want their kids bickering. Pundits Dallas Woodhouse, a Republican, and his brother Brad Woodhouse, a Democrat, learned their lesson when their mother called into C-SPAN to chastise them for bickering. The two were discussing bipartisanship on Washington Journal with host Steve Scully when a call came in from "Joy" from North Carolina. The brothers greeted their fellow southerner until she started to speak, to which Dallas said, "Oh God, it's Mom." "You're right, I'm from down south," she said. "And I'm your MOTHER." "I disagree that many families are like ours," she continued. "I don't know many families that are fighting at Thanksgiving. I was very glad that this Thanksgiving was a year you were supposed to go to your in-laws. I'm hoping you'll have some of this out of your system when you come here for Christmas. I would really like a peaceful Christmas." While the pundits' mother was on the phone, Scully asked her what it was like raising her boys. "It hasn't been easy," she replied, adding that she loved them both. Mrs. Woodhouse is a registered Democrat, but admitted she has split her ticket. *-- Blindfolded man solves Rubik's cube in 21 seconds --* SZCZECIN, Poland (UPI) - A Polish Rubik's cube master beat his own record by solving a puzzle in 21.17 seconds while blindfolded. Marcin Kowalczyk, who held the previous record for blindfolded Rubik's cube solving with a 23.19-second finish, memorized the cube and completed the puzzle in 21.17 seconds at a Speed Cube competition in Szczecin, Poland. Kowalczyk, a veteran of 33 official Rubik's cube competitions, has a list of accomplishments to his name that also include memorizing the patterns of 41 Rubik's cubes and donning a blindfold to solve them in a total 54 minutes, 14 seconds. *-- Pot shop removes smoking Santa window painting --* LOS ANGELES (UPI) - A Los Angeles medical marijuana dispensary removed a pot-smoking Santa painting from its window following complaints from members of the public. The Harbor House of Dank in San Pedro hired an artist last week to create window paintings including Santa Claus smoking a blunt and a snowman holding a prescription bottle. Pictures of the paintings were posted on Facebook, where they drew hundreds of complaints. Posts on the closed "Coastal San Pedro Neighborhood Watch" Facebook group criticized the paintings for being prominently displayed in an area frequented by children. The paintings were removed from the windows Tuesday. The store manager said he had the artist scrape them off the windows when he learned about the complaints from the public. The furor over the pot-smoking St. Nick may have caused further troubles for the Harbor House, as Los Angeles Councilman Joe Buscaino's office said the business is operating illegally. Los Angeles voters passed proposition D in May, which only allows for 135 dispensaries in business prior to a 2007 moratorium to remain in business, Buscaino's office said. The Harbor House of Dank has only been open for a few weeks. The dispensary is one of hundreds being investigated by the City Attorney's Office and the police department, officials said. *-- Police Tase chocolate-crazed monkey in France --* MARSEILLE, France (UPI) - Authorities said an aggressive monkey Tased after weeks on the loose had been subsisting on a diet of Kinder chocolates. Marseille police said the monkey had been the subject of more than a dozen calls to authorities from the Castellanne area in recent weeks, including one occasion when it "caused bedlam" at an elementary school and "scratched some children," but the primate always managed to flee before officers arrived. Police said they finally caught up to the monkey Monday and captured it using a Taser. Investigators said the monkey was apparently abandoned after being kept illegally. They said the animal had been subsisting on a diet of Kinder chocolates given to it by children. Malnutrition and suspected abuse from some children may have contributed to the monkey's aggressive behavior, police said. An investigation has been opened to identify the animal's owner and charges of illegal possession of a wild animal are possible, police said. The monkey, which was not seriously injured, was turned over to animal protection authorities and will join a zoo's exhibit following a quarantine period. ========================================================= >-->From Geniann :) _.--""""'. .' `\ / \ _/_ _,__ __ __/ | |`_o)/ ` ` | ; | )/o\> \ / ;"`""`""`"""`";.""-. .' .--._.--. / ' \ / / _ _ \ |'. '| / | / \ / \ | \__'/ ; .-' \o/ \o/ '-. ; | | () .-"""-. () | | ; | \ / | ; \ ; \ / ; / /`\ \ \ / / /`\ / .:`""--....Y....--::` .:\ \:' .:' .:' .:' .:'/| /'._.:' .:' .:' .:'.;':\ / ``;--::.___::.--;``` | \ / / \ |':.| ; | | \ ':| | | _..._ | \ \ | \ .' o o'. / |:. | \ './ o.-"-. o\.' \ ':.\ ;. `-; ;-' .;\ | | `-._ _/ \_ _.-' | |:. | | | ```\o (>0<)` /``` | |/__':/ ; \ '._/`\).' / ;77777 \ \ /```\ / / \ '. .' / \ `-.__ __.-' / '. ``` .' jgs /`-._ _.-'\ / , ``;---;`` , \ | / | | | | \ | '-'|__/\_/ \_/\__|'-' A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?" -<>- The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! She said, "I have some really great news! I'm pregnant!!!" I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said "Well, I went to Walmart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!" --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >Sweet Job: Outside the Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were $1 for cars,$5 for buses. Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up. The Zoo Management called the City Council and asked to send them another parking agent. The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll. Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then had simply begun to show up every day, to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $360 per day, for 25 years. No one knows his name. --- ...Now that's being Self Employed! HaHa! Thanks Geniann!! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-------. |# | __|_______|__ '-/ 0 0 \-' _ | V | \// \ '...' / ./== _o_ /`'.__ ,-'\ // .-'---'-. | `| \ // / _....._\ /'-.....\-._|// | / e.e \| ; | (/ '-. \| ._. // /| o \ | '-=_~ ( '-.__.-' `| / ; o | |.- _=_=~ .'`-_ _/ `\_// \ o _=' / ~ / / `)-.;_ |//\ .'.__ ,-_~_=`, \___\_/ / \ / / ~ ~ \ / '...\__./`\ / \ `-.,___/\___..-' ; ; | _ | | | |___|___| ; ; jgs / T \ \ / '---'---' '.__ __.' `` ' ``` Our company offers a bonus award for employee ideas that improve safety, quality or performance. A co-worker noticed there was a power switch suspended 16 feet over our machinery. He suggested that a chain be attached to the switch, allowing it to be pulled for quick shut-off in an emergency. The suggestion went through channels and was rejected. One reason given was that "the chain might be pushed up one day, accidentally turning the power switch on." -<>- When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?" -<>- KEYS TO SUCCESS: Voice Mail Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want you to DO work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during the lunch hour. That way, you're regarded as hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand. -<>- Since I had been selling water beds for almost four years, I thought I had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked me, "Can you deliver it filled with water?" Stunned, I replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!" After a short pause, she said, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?" -<>- A literature buff, my friend Larry installed an answering machine on his telephone. Instead of the usual instructions about leaving a message, Larry recorded a parody of Hamlet's famous soliloquy: "To speak, or not to speak, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to leave a message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of us all." -<>- Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was "just up ahead." One year I snapped. "Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn't exist. It's like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn't dead, doesn't have too many bald spots and is straight." ========================================================= >-->Christmas Time: _...Q._ .' '. / \ ;.-""""--.._ | /'-._____..-'\| .' ; o o |`; / /| () ; \ _.-, '-' ; '.__.-' \ \ .-"`, | \_ / `'` '._`.; ._ / `'--.,_=-;_ \ \| `\ .\_ /` \ `._ \ \ `/ ``---| \ (~ \ \. | o , \ (~ (~ ______________ \ \`_\ _..-' \ (\(~ |.------------.| \/ `` / \(~/ || FREE SNOW || \__ __..-' - '. || """" """" || \ \``` \ || shovel all || ;\ \o ; || you want! || | \ \ | ||____________|| ; \ \ ; '------..------' \ \ \ _.-'\ / || '. \-' \ .' || _.-" ' \-' .-||-. jgs \ ' ' ' \ '..---.- ' \ ' ' _.' \' ' _.-' \ _.-' ` Just before Christmas I was shopping at a toy fayre in Worcester I glanced to my left and caught sight of a queue at the doll counter; they were waiting for the shelves to be restocked with Mattel dolls. As I looked I realized that in the queue was a good friend of mine. Knowing Lennie well I was sure that he had no daughters nor did he have any nieces so I wondered why he should want to buy a doll at Christmas time' 'Hey, Lennie,' I cried, 'I hadn't realized you collected dolls.' 'I don't,' he replied laughing' 'Really,' I queried, 'then you must be buying a Christmas present then?' 'No, not at all, my friend,' responded Lennie, his eyes twinkling merrily' 'If you don't mind my asking then Lennie,' I said, 'Why exactly are you standing in this particular queue?' 'Oh that,' he giggled. 'It's like this, my mate,' he mused, 'I've never been able to resist a Barbie queue.' -<>- >Buy Your Own Gift Last Christmas, grandpa was feeling his age, and found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So he decided to send checks to everyone instead. In each card he wrote, "Buy your own present!" and mailed them early. He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was only after the holiday that he noticed that he had received very few cards in return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study, intending to write a couple of his relatives and ask what had happened. It was then, as he cleared off his cluttered desk that he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified to find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose with the cards. -<>- >What To Give An Optimist And A Pessimist A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, at Christmas time their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure. That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly. "Why are you crying?" the father asked. "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin. Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!" -<>- .=======. \`=====`/ |_______| __/_________\__ S N O W M A N `"";' ';""` / 0 _ 0 \ I made myself a snowman \ /_ | (_) | _\ / As perfect as could be. \\/ /`| |`\ \// '-.\\ \/ | \ \ / / | \/ //.-' __\\| \ '. '._.' .' / |//__I thought I'd keep it as a pet \\ .-'. `'-----'` .'-. // And let it sleep with me. \\.' '-._ .-'\ '.// /` `'''''') ) `\ / ( ( ,\ I made it some pajamas ; O /\ '-..-'/ ; And a pillow for its head. | ( '. / | | O ) `;---'` | ; /__.-' ;_ Then, last night it ran away. .-''-\ O ` / '- But first-- it wet the bed! `. .' jgs '-._ _.-' `" ' - - - ' "`` >Christmas Holiday Mrs Oppenheimer decided to get away from the often inclement weather of New York and spend Christmas in the deep South of the USA. Being unfamiliar with that part of the world she wandered into a 'restricted' hotel and said 'Hi. I'm Mrs Oppenheimer and I'd like a room for the next week.' 'I'm very sorry,' said the manager, but all our rooms are taken. Just as he said that a customer came to the desk and unexpectedly checked out. 'How lucky' responded Mrs Oppenheimer, 'Now you have a room for me.' 'Look, I'm very sorry' said the manager, but this is a restricted hotel. Jews are not allowed here. 'Jewish! Whaddya mean Jewish. I happen to be a Catholic.' 'That takes some believing' said the manager. Tell me, who was the Son of God?' 'Jesus.' she replied 'Where was he born?' 'In a stable in Bethleham..... simply because some Schmuck like you wouldn't rent a room to a Jew.' -<>- ||::|:|| .--------, |:||:|:| |_______ / .-. ||::|:|| ."` ___ `". {\('v')/} \\\/\///: .'` `'. ;____`( )'____ \====/ './ o o \|~ ^" "^ // \\// | ())) . | Season's \ || \ `.__.' /| // || _{``-.___.-'\| Greetings \ || _." `-.____.-'`| ___ // ||` __ \ |___/ \_______\ ."|| (__) \ \| / / `\/ __ vvvvv'\___/ | | (__) | \___/\ / || | .___. | || | | | ||.-' | '-. jgs || | ) ||----------'---------' Place: The Newtown School nativity play Scene: The inn at Bethlehem on Christmas Eve Joseph: Do you have any room at the inn? Inn Keeper: (Over-playing his role) Yes, plenty, come on in. Joseph: [Jaw drops, speechless] Addendum: In the nativity play, the inn keeper is supposed to say 'There is no room in the inn', and this is how the baby Jesus came to be born in a stable. -<>- Did you hear about the St Jude's Primary School Nativity Play? Two children are dressed as Mary and Joseph, and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. Meanwhile on the other side of the stage, a lad in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile phone, calling to make a reservation. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Shangrala's Christmas Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasindex.html FUN URL Links http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html Easy Does It Home Recipes! Yummy DESSERTS! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html -<>- >Some FUN Facts: Word/Phrase Origins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html Are Angels REAL? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/angelsreal.html The Christmas Story! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/christmasstory.html When Was Jesus Christ Born? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/whenjesusborn.htm Amazing Trivia Facts! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/triviafacts.html Amazing Football Facts! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/footballfacts.html What Are These Arrows Across America? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html Kilroy Was Here - so who is Kilroy? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Funny Animal Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html Fun Science Ads! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/science.html Space Trivia Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spacetrivia.html Weird Rainy Days! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html God's Night Lights 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night2.html World's Tallest Snow Woman! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/snowwoman.html World's Largest Things! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/largest.html World's Largest Model Railway! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/modelrailway.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) This doesn't support any specific denomination, but rather belief and morals / accountability ... Clay Christensen on Religious Freedom http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=YjntXYDPw44&sns=em This is a new twist on candid camera! Don't miss the last customer --gotta love her! https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/k1bG2EPGmI0? --- ...Oh My Goodness! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) 8-year-old gospel sensation Rhema Marvanne gives a beautiful performance of 'Amazing Grace' on The Nate Burkus Show. Rhema Marvanne(born 2002) is a gospel singer from Carrollton, Texas. Rhema gained Internet fame at the age of six after recording her first song, "Amazing Grace". https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=u3aJfgOe0nw The Jive Aces sing “All About That Bing” a parody of the hit song “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. Bing Crosby got people dreaming of a White Christmas when he first sang the song back in 1941 on Christmas day. The Jive Aces thought this entertaining video would be a fun way to say thanks to Bing for giving us so many memories of him singing a White Christmas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAFEAdZw2Ss&feature=player_embedded The great entertainer Bing Crosby performing the classic song White Christmas from Irving Berlin. Bing first sang White Christmas back in 1941 on Christmas day. This holiday hit of a song remains popular even today and can always be heard during the holidays. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aShUFAG_WgM --- ...So Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Here's why Navy Helicopter pilots get a special extra allowance .. https://www.youtube.com/embed/bC2XIGMI2kM --- ...Wowers! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Velkommen http://www.julenissen.no/ Christmas in Slovakia http://www.iarelative.com/xmas/ --- ...Pretty Cool! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Christmas is a strange holiday. It's Jesus' birthday. But Nobody knows Jesus' exact birthday because he refuses to sign up for Facebook." Jimmy Kimmel "It is officially one week until Christmas. That means if you're a guy, you have six days until you have to start shopping." -Conan O'Brien "An olive oil bar has opened in Brooklyn. It offers more than 40 different kinds of olive oil. If you'd like to know more, wait until your girlfriend drags you there." -Seth Meyers "A man was recently admitted to the hospital for surgery after doctors discovered he still had surgical scissors in his stomach from a procedure performed 12 years ago. Said his new doctor, 'The surgery was a success. Now where are my keys?'" -Seth Meyers "The Dalai Lama said there should be no more Dalai Lamas after his death. That's particularly bad news for his son, Steve Lama." -Conan O'Brien "Here's what we know about Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. I think he's with the NSA." -Dave Letterman "Sy Berger, the designer of modern baseball cards, has died. He will be laid to rest in a shoe box somewhere in an attic." -Conan O'Brian "Yesterday the prime minister of Haiti announced his resignation after several days of protests. Said the prime minister, 'Haitians gonna hate.'" -Seth Meyers "Today is the busiest package transporting day of the entire holiday season. UPS today will handle 585 million packages. They don't deliver them, they just handle them. By the way, if you don't mail your package today, it will not be destroyed by Christmas." -Dave Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ***********************************************************************