Church Bloopers, Blondes, And Tips :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first too hot to handle new page is from our friend Linda. It is one that is totally astounding but goes to show that all creatures are God's creation. This one will amaze you... _.---._ .---. __...---' .---. `---'-. `. ~ -~ -.-''__.--' _.'( | )`. `. `._ : -.~~ .'__-'_ .--'' ._`---'_.-. `. `-`. ~ ~_~-~-~_ ~ -._ -._``---. -. `-._ `. ~- ~ ~ -_ -~ ~ -.._ _ _ _ ..-_ `. `-._``--.._ ~~-~ ~-_ _~ ~-~ ~ -~ _~~_-~ -._ `-. -. `-._``--.._.--''. ~ -~_ ~~ -~_-~ _~- _~~ _~-_~ ~-_~~ ~-.___ -._ `-.__ `. `. ~ -_~ jgs ~~ _~- ~~- -_~ ~- ~ - _~~- _~~ ~---...__ _ ._ .` `. ~-_~ ~ ~- _~~- _-_~ ~-_ ~-~ ~_-~ _~- ~_~-_~ ~--.....--~ -~_ ~ ~ ~ - ~ ~ ~~ - ~~- ~~- ~- ~ -~ ~ ~ -~~- ~- ~-~ Crocodile Man http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crocodileman.html --- ...such a heartwarming one too! Thanks Linda! Our next steaming new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It too reminds us of God's creation and how much He meant to awe us with it! Check this one out here... ,. ,-'.:\ _/'.:'_:'`._ .-._ _.-'' ```-`.,'.::.`-._ _.' ``-..:.:.`-. ,' ____ `-:.:,' _..-'| ,',. ),'' ```--...___ `-.__..'':.. | / (O ) \ `. ___....-----..``-...___ \::. | /_' `' / ) /,'::::::._:.-' ````-.-'- .-'| ,-`'. ,' ,' / ):::._,' __...--../::. | `. _,' `--'' _.'' `-.._| `''-..''_ _.'.:`. SSt ``. ..--....___.-' `:_.::/ \ .:`. `-.\ \:::| \_,' Colorful Fish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fish.html --- ...Wow! So beautiful! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _H_ /___\ \888/ ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~U~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ ~ | ~ o | ~ ___ o | _,.--,.'` `~'-.._ O | /_ .-" _ /_\'. | ~ .-';' (( ` \0/ `\ # /__; ((_ ,_ | , # .-; \_ / # _#, / ; .-' / _.--""-.\`~` `#(('\\ ~ ;-'; / / .' )) \\ ; /.--'.' (( )) \ | ~ \\ (( \ | )) ` ~ \ | ` \ | jgs .` `""-. .' \ ~ ~ | |\ | \ / '-._| \.' >A Guide To Man Language "I'm going fishing." Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "It's a guy thing." Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear..." Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "It would take too long to explain." Means: "I have no idea how it works." "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra." "Take a break honey, you are working too hard." Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." Means: "Are you still talking?" "You know how bad my memory is." Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt." "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon." "I can't find it." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "What did I do this time?" Means: "What did you catch me at?" "I heard you." Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You know I could never love anyone else." Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "You look terrific." Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Means: "No one will ever see us alive again." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 17 is Wear Something Gaudy Day October 18 is No Beard Day October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day October 20 is Brandied Fruit Day October 21 is Babbling Day, Count Your Buttons Day and National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day October 22 is Make a Difference Day and National Nut Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _______ / \__ ( ) ""\ (" ) \ / \__ __/ \ ( __ ) """"""""//"""""" \\\\\\//\\\\\\\\ \\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\//\\\ \\ \\\ \\//\\\ \\\\\\\\ \\\ \\\\\\ \\\ \\ //\\\\ \\\\\\\\\ \\ \\\__\ \/HHH\\ //\,-' \\ o| \ \/\ _\ C|' \ SMA /__\_,-' ,; *x* /dd >Camping Hair After eight days of backpacking with my wife Linda, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles. "Terry," she said, "does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?" I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?" -<>- >First Flight A little boy and his mother were taking his first commercial airplane ride. After boarding the plane, taking off, and being at cruise altitude for some time, the puzzled boy looked at his mother and said, "So when do we get smaller?" -<>- >In the Doghouse First guy: "I'm really in the doghouse. I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask." Second guy: "What kind of question?" First guy: "She asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat, and ugly." Second guy: "That's easy. You just say, 'Of course I will.'" First guy: "Yeah, that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'" -<>- >Shopping Trip My wife took our five-year-old daughter shopping along when she went shopping. The little girl watched her mother try on outfit after outfit, exclaiming every time, "Mommy, you look beautiful." A woman in the next fitting room called out, "May I borrow your daughter for a moment?" -<>- >Born in a Barn? Our son was constantly wandering in and out of the house, leaving the front or back door wide open. "Once and for all, will you please close that!" my exasperated wife pleaded one day. "Were you born in a barn?" "No, I was born in a hospital," he replied. "With automatic doors." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b >SMILES The blonde employee calls the Help Desk. "The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars." "Those are asterisks, and they're there to protect you,. If someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password." "I understand that, but they show up even when no one is standing behind me." ----------- A fellow evidently under the influence was trying desperately to catch a train back to his suburban home. Three times he got on the wrong train. Each time he was told that he would have to take another train. When he boarded a fourth train he slumped down in a seat beside a clergyman, whose eyes, ears and nose told him that this new passenger had been drinking too much. He told our besotted friend: "Brother, may I tell you that you are traveling the rough and rocky road to damnation." To which the drunk replied: "Don't tell me I'm on the wrong train again!" ------------ A woman was considering buying an aging thoroughbred but wanted a veterinarian's opinion of the horse before finalizing the deal. When the vet had completed his examination she asked, "Will I be able to race him?" The veterinarian looked at the woman, then at the horse. "Sure," he replied, "And you'll probably win!" ------------ _ ///-._ ////////-._ /////////////-. ////////////////`. //////////////// .'`. //////////////// . '.'`. '|`'//////////// . .'.::|` : `'/////// . '.':| | . . `'// ' _|- ::| |. .-._ . | . | .':: | |:|:| | ' ' '.::| | |:|:| :. . .'.':| | . |:|:| . | .._.::: : `':| | ' ////-:| |. . | '/////////-._ | . . : .//////////////-._ : : ///////////////////-._ |. |////////////////////////-._ | . . :`'//////////////////////////-._ | . _.-\\\\``'//////////////////////////-._ | /\\\\\\\\..``'//////////////////////////". : . . /. \\\\\\\\\. .``'///////////////////// .'`. : / _ \\\\\\\\\. ``'//////////////// . .'`. | . / (@) \\\\\\\\\. . . ``'/////////// . '.'::|. {`)._ '| _` .\\\\\\\-`:|#| . . ``'////// '. .'.:| `-{_/`| ||::. \\'`.:|:.|#| |#| . ``'/ ' .##:'::: `-| ||||| |`.'::|::|#| |#| |#| . . '| . .|##|'.:| pils | ||||| : .'::|:.'#| |#| |#| |#| | |##|'::| | ||||| .| .'.:|::.'' '#| |#| |#| . : ' |##|'.:| {`\:|||| : .'::|:_.:. . '#| |#| | .|##|'::: `-{_/'|_ |_.-'/}_/'-._ '#| :. |##:'.:| `'{._('}_)-' `-}_}(-._ . . | ' '` .'::| `-' `-.} /-._ . : .'.'_:-'\ `-}_}(-._ | . _.-')_(-' `-/_)`-.:.-{ \{-' `-{_'_)-'' ^ Church Bloopers: PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals." The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." ------- >THOUGHTS ON AGING Senior citizen on the phone to her doctor's office: "Is it true that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so." "I'm wondering, then, if my condition may be more serious than you've told me?" "What makes you ask that?" "Because the bottle says 'No Refills'." ------------ An older gentleman awaiting surgery insisted that his son, a surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son. Do your best, and just remember: if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you." ------------ Don't worry about aging: Eventually you reach a point where you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true. I love to hear them say "you don't look that old." ------------ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. This is mostly because we forget why we were waiting in line in the first place. ------------ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. ------------ When you feel that you'd like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. ------------ Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) __,--"""""""""--,. _ -'" _\ ^-,_ ,-" _/ \_ , / \ \ ,' /_ | \ / _____,--""" / ) \ / / / ( | | / / ) | | / | \ ( (_/\ ) / \ \ \_ ____,====""" / | \ /" /"" | \_ _,-" |___,-'--------'" | "`------"" --" ,-' / / ---" / \___/ __,-----,___ ) \ ,--'"============""""-'" "-'" | |=================/ /___\===============/ -Joachim Hoffmueller- / |=============/" \ \_________,-" | | | | Jo. >Humor from Great Minds "As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two..." - Sir Norman Wisdom "One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money." - Edgar Watson Howe "A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!" - Doug Larson "A harmful truth is always better then..a useful lie!" - Eric Bolton "When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me." - Emo Philips "We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up." - Phyllis Diller "Laughter is the closest distance between two people. " - Victor Borge "Start every day with a smile and get it over with." - W.C. Fields "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." - Will Rogers "Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison." - Tim Allen "I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive." - Elbert Hubbard "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." - Wendell Johnson -<>- ______ __________________: ( _____ ) ( ) / / - - \ \ ( Hmmm... now where ) | |-O-O-| | o O ( IS that brain ) |( () )| ( of mine? ) | \ \_/ / | ( _________________ ) / --- \ (___) (___) unknown >The Blonde Pilot... This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. 'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." She says , "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama and Hillary." "O.K." says the voice on the radio... "Repeat after me: Our Father. Who art in Heaven." --- ...HaHa! Thanks Linda! -<>- _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ >15 Self Defense Tips for a Woman Alone Most men will never understand what it is like being a woman alone on the street. Where men walk with confidence, certain they can deal with most physical threats, a woman doesn't have that sense of confidence. Many women are scared every day, because they know that if a man decides to attack them they won't stand a chance against his enhanced strength. That is why women carry pepper spray and rape whistles, but even those only work part of the time, and that's if the woman had time to get to them. It's just as important to be aware of a few simple tips and techniques that can help you escape or survive your attack unmolested. Here are 15 tips and tricks to help you out if the worst happens: 1. Show that you're aware: Show the environment that you are aware of what's happening around you. Potential assailants prefer women that seem distracted or preoccupied. If you look assertive and aware, they might never initiate the assault. 2. Prepare your body: If you sense danger, immediately go to a starting fighting position. Move your hands close to your chest, place your right foot a bit ahead of the left and tilt your body forward. Your body is now ready for a physical confrontation. 3. Don't let the hair get in the way: Many attackers will choose the hair as an easy target to grab. It's better to let your hair out and tuck it into your collar. 4. Have a weapon to reach for: An umbrella, a set of keys or a pen can make all the difference in a moment of crisis. Remember where they are and be prepared to draw them if you feel threatened. 5. Call for help: Calling for help may not provide it but it may scare the attacker enough to allow you to escape. Many women get confused and don't know what to scream. Shouting 'fire' for instance, can be better and more attention grabbing than simply yelling 'help'. 6. Know the weak spots in the body: If you do find yourselves in a physical confrontation, you can scratch, pull hit or grab, as you aim directly to one of the five weak spots: Eyes, nose, neck, knees and groin! 7. Don't be scared to fight: Many women are scared to strike back because they are scared of their assailant's anger, or are afraid to hurt themselves. The punch you give may hurt you, but the pain is minor and if it's enough to allow you to escape - it's well worth it. 8. Take an opportunity to run: If you've identified a good time to run away from the confrontation, do it. Escaping is always better than confronting, and these opportunities will not present themselves a second time. 9. Keep your ears open: Don't listen to music while walking through a bad neighborhood, and don't play things on your cellphone. You should be aware of your surroundings and be able to hear your attackers coming. 10. Use things around you: Look for stuff that might scare him away, break a window, turn on a car alarm or let some trash cans fly. 11. Remain calm: The worst thing is to panic. This is of course a very stressful situation, but keeping your cool will do much more to save you. >How to escape various holds: 1. Choked from the back: Use your heel to scratch the attacker's lower leg, inflicting sharp pain he can't ignore. 2. Held from the back: Hit your head backwards or kick your heel in the direction of the crotch. 3. Head squeeze: Take hold of his leg to get him to lose his grip and fall. 4. Escaping a choke hold: Bend down and lean forward. Give him a good head butt on the chin so he bites his tongue, and finish with a strong kick to the groin. --- ...Excellent Advice! Thanks Linda! Women and children are the number one targets of assault. The reason is because they are considered the easy target. These tips can sway it the other way and perhaps even save an assault from even happening. If you don't look like a victim, they'll think twice before attempting to make you one! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: From MRCtv http://em.mrc.org/x0R0000n0C10YLB0EK8q6Sd From MRC http://em.mrc.org/tKSq0d0lR60YW00LB80001W From eHeadlines http://eheadlines.com/ From Right Alerts http://rightalerts.com/ Hillary Freaks out with Bible http://conservativetribune.com/hillary-freak-out-makes-vile-move/ Bill O’Reilly drops bombshell charge: At least 3 major media orgs ‘ordered employees to destroy Trump’ http://tinyurl.com/jdnvo3a Judge Jeanine’s Take On Trump Accusations http://tinyurl.com/jzvsgbx -<>- >From BizarreNews: A father was arrested on a charge of assaulting a police officer after allegedly punching a policeman in the face, according to police in Montana. Great Falls police said that they have arrested 19-year-old Timothy Alan Hanson, after being accused of allowing his baby to crawl on the street alone in cold temperatures. Hanson has been charged with assault on a police officer, endangering the welfare of a child and resisting arrest. He was booked into jail, and his bail was set at $10,000. According to the criminal complaint, Detective Jesse Slaughter heard a child crying on the street while walking with his family on Sunday. The baby was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and pants without socks or shoes. The temperature at the time was around 39 degrees. Slaughter was trying to find the child's parents when Hanson approached him. Slaughter identified himself as a police officer and Hanson started a physical altercation. Hanson then punched the police officer in the face and ran into his apartment. When the officer noticed a gun in the apartment, he called for backup. Hanson resisted arrest, and a Taser had to be used to detain him. -<>- How's this for luck? A father and daughter visiting Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas took less than hour to find a massive 2.03-carat white diamond. Dan Frederick and his daughter, Lauren, said they were visiting Arkansas from their home in Renton, Wash., when they went to the park and discovered what has been dubbed "The Lucky Diamond." The father and daughter said they planned their trip to the park after searching the internet for "places to find gems." Dan Frederick said he spotted the reflection of light off the diamond just a few feet away from where he was standing. "Dan Frederick has proven, once again, that it is possible to find large, beautiful diamonds while surface searching. This is an example of a diamond that all park visitors dream of taking home," Park Interpreter Betty Coors said. "My dad and I have always loved to hunt for gems; we've dug for sapphires and garnets and always search for agates when we're on the Washington coast," Lauren Frederick said. "Naturally, we had always wanted to go to Arkansas to dig for diamonds. As much as we have talked about the trip and planned it out, I think we're still kind of in shock that we found something as big and beautiful as our 'Lucky Diamond.'" The family said they haven't decided what to do with their diamond. The last thing I found lying on the ground was a quarter. And it turned out to be Canadian. *-- Bald Eagle Stuck in Car Grill in Florida --* They may be regal. They may be majestic. But nobody ever said they were smart. What appeared at first to be a 3D decal on the front of a car bumper, turned out to be a live eagle. The driver who noticed the eagle stuck in the front grill of a passing car chased down the vehicle and alerted police. Clay County police and firefighters were soon on the seen, and were able to dislodge the eagle. The bird apparently became lodged in the front of the car when it flew too close in front of the oncoming vehicle. The bird was named "Matthew" after the hurricane that recently passed through Florida. Matthew will be released after being nursed back to full health. *-- Man Nearly Kills Dogs With Pressure Washer --* Did I say eagles are stupid? Eagles are freaking geniuses compared to this genetic misfire. A man was arrested on a charge of animal cruelty after being seen cleaning his dogs with a pressure washer, according to police in Oklahoma. According to the criminal complaint, officers were called to a car wash where they found Schultz pressure washing his dogs. The two dogs were in cages in the bed of Schultz's truck. Schultz was ordered to stop spraying his dogs and turn off the pressure washer, but he ignored the police. Schultz told officers that he was giving the dogs a bath because one of them threw up. The dogs were taken to the Woodland Animal Hospital. In court, Schultz pleaded not guilty to animal cruelty. *----- A Portable Shower or a Monkey Cage? -----* A California man on a cage diving trip off Mexico's Guadalupe Island captured the moment a great white shark got into the cage while a diver was still inside. The video shows the view from outside the water as the great white takes some bait on the end of a line before crashing into the side of the diving cage. The shark manages to crash right through the bars and thrashes around inside the cage while the panicked crew works to open the top and free the predator, which is trapped in the cage with a human diver. The shark, which has blood coming from its mouth, is able to exit the cage through the open top, and a few seconds later the diver also emerges unharmed. "My heart is going," the diver can be heard saying as he returns to safety. *---- Man Completes Marathon While Juggling ----* A Canadian man ran the Chicago Marathon while juggling three balls and completed the race in less than three hours without dropping a single ball. Michal Kapral, who also refers to himself as "The Joggler," finished the race in two hours and 55 minutes, as he attempted to top his "joggling" marathon world record of two hours and 50 minutes. "My main goal was break my 2:50 record, but I had a somewhat secret secondary goal of joggling a marathon without a drop in under 3 hours," Kapral wrote in a blog post. While Kapral didn't achieve his primary goal, he managed to cross the finish line without a single drop despite some close calls. He's completed a total of 33 marathons including his world record time at the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon in 2007 and shouted triumphantly as he added a new accomplishment to his resume in Chicago. ========================================================= >-->From Geniann :) (\ \'\ \'\ __________ / '| ()_________) \ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \ \ \ ~~~~~~ \ ==). \__________\ (__) ()__________) unknown >Dear Abby, My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.. Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help? Signed, Lost Dear Lost, Suck it up and stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the idiot until the end of the year! Signed, Abby -<>- ______ _.-':::::::`. \::::::::::::`.-._ \:::'' `::::`-.`. \ `:::::`.\ \ `-::::`: \______ `:::`. .|_.-'__`._ `:::\ ,'`|:::| )/`. \::: /. -.`--' : /.\ ::| `-,-' _,'/| \|\\ |:| ,'`::. |/>`;'\ |:| (_\ \:.:.:`((_));`. ;:| \.:\ ::_:_:_`-',' `-:| `:\\| SSt: )`__...---' >Trick Or Treat A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your Wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, We have TRIED our very BEST. Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your Wooden Leg up your bottom and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. --- ...Oh for goodness sake! HaHa! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >My Magic Hat Since moving to California, I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC HAT. When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. Here's what my Magic Hat reads on it: U.S. BORDER PATROL --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >Top 10 Reasons to Vote Democrat 1. I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd. 2. I voted Democrat because I believe oil company's profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t. 3. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would. 4. I voted Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it. 5. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion. 6. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy. 7. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the social security from those who paid into it. 8. I voted Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit. 9. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters. 10. I voted Democrat because I think that it's better to pay billions for their oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish. --- ...HaHa! Insane! Thanks Geniann! The biggest lie the Democrats push to vote Democrat is 'Democrats are for the little people' - that's why there are mostly rich elite Wall Street CEO'S, Millionaires and the rich and famous Hollywood elite that support the Democratic party. Under Obama we've had less growth, less wealth among the middle and lower class, and more wealth among the upper class than we did before him. That's why the elite support the Democrats. They think all is hunky dory with another extended version of the Obama years so they are for Hillary. They don't care if the rest of us croak as long as they have their never ending party of good times. ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .------------------------. | Well, Genoveva, do | __________________________| you know the answer? | | _________________________'-------------,----------' | | ____ / | | | | 2x+3x/y2x = 4xy-6y (___ \ | | | | ( (..) ) | | | | \\\' |( < ,) ) | | | | `|_\_\)--( ) | | | | \ ,"""(___) | | | | `'\_ __ \ | | | | | , ) | | | |_______________________ / _/ /_________| | |________________________ I ///\./I___________| gnv | | | | '-.._..-' .---------------------------. | | ) ( Mmm... Napoleon Bonaparte? ) _| | / '--------,------------------' .'_.´_/7 _/ .((() Z z _..._ /_ (()) z / \ < ?))) Z | | \_.(((( \ __ / __())))) \(__) / \ __// \ / ,..--'^| /` (____)-. / ( | | / \ / |..--/^ As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?" -<>- "My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very simple interface. All I do is point it at people." "Then what does it do?" "Why would it need to do anything else?" --Dogbert, Dilbert -<>- Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape. You must work out a lot." Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!" The next day a different young woman was driving the cart. "Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you look great. You must work out a lot." "Yeah," she replied flatly. "You should try it." -<>- I was walking past an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a heck of a fight and wouldn't let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything. I finally decided that I should help. She was one tough old lady, but the three of us finally got that handbag. -<>- A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since." -<>- One caller to our answering service gave me his name, number and message and then said, "You know my name. What's yours?" "We're not allowed to give our names," I replied, "but my operator number is 4136" Sounding disappointed, he said, "May I call you by your first digit, or would that be too personal?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\ \-- \\\\\\ (O(O) ))\ / - \ (_/\/\ \ \_ ./ )-'.:'. __ (((( (_/\/=::::\ _\/_ ________________ \_,) /:::/\_\\ .' '. | __________ | \:\ /:::/::\ \\ | | | .' '.HELP!'.| _ \:\/:::/:::::::\| | | / .-. \_I'm_ \ (((_)),__/:::/\:::::::|| | | | : : |\ being\ \\__)::::::' \::::::|| | | \ '-' / \_held_\ ''''' /::::::|| | | '.___.'_ /capti-/ ______________|::::::.|| | |_________ /ve at_/ ( ''---''( | | \the \ \ \'-.____________/_/_\ | /toilet/ _\ _\\(________________)____.' \paper \ ( -- -') ) '. ) /fac-__/ //\ -_- )\ \ .' \tory! > (__ /.-) \ \ \ ^^^^^^____.._( )_)\ \ \ \ ( \\\''' | | ) \ \ pils __________________\______.___|_|__(________|__)_____ I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, "Please Wiggle Handle". Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggle Bach?" ¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤ The dean and the coach struck a simple deal. Despite his abysmal grades, the all-star tackle could play in the big game -- if and only if -- he could learn and remember the formula for water before then. The coach and the chemistry teacher both worked with the gridiron star, and were confident that he'd come through with flying colors. On the morning of the game, the dean came down to the locker room, where the tackle was suiting up. "Well?" asked the dean. "What is the formula for water?" Grinning broadly, and drawing confidence from the presence of his proud coach, the player said, "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O." ¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤ During a medical assessment before moving into a retirement home, a nurse asked my grandparents, "Do you need hearing aids?" "Yes," my grandmother answered. "But he doesn't like his, never wears it and leaves it at home." Then she added, "At least I always carry mine in my purse." ¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤ _____ / \ (____/\ ) |___ U?(____ _\L. | \ ___ / /"""\ /.-' | |\ | ( / _/u | \___|_)_| \| \\ / / \_(___ __) | \\ / / | | | | ) _/ / ) | | _\__/.-' /___( | | Contemplation? _/ __________/ \ | | // / ( ) | | ( \__|___\ \______ /__|____| \ (___\ |______)_/ \ |\ \ \ / \ | \__ ) )___/ \ \ )/ /__( -Michael Reeung- ___ | /_//___| \_________ _/ ( / OUuuu \ `----'(____________) *-- Thought Provoking Statements --* 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. ¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤ SEENAGER: I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance (pensions). I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne. Life is great. ¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤ Good News - Bad News... The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: “I have some good news and, I have some bad news…”; The tycoon replies: “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first?”; The lawyer says: “Well your wife invested $5,000. in two pictures this week that she figures are worth a minimum of $20 to $30 million.”; The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done! Very good news indeed! You’ve just made my day; now what’s the bad news?”; The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you with your secretary." ¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤ A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did you get all that money?" "At Sunday school," the boy replied enthusiastically. "They got bowls of it!" ¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤ A guy texts his neighbor this message: "Bob, I'm sorry, I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again." The man, feeling outrage and betrayed, grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom and without a word shoots his wife. Moments later he gets a second text: I really should use spell check! That should be "wifi" ...Sorry. --- ...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks Fran! -<>- ,_88888888888888888888888888888888888888_ _88888888888~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~88888888888 ,g8888888~` g8. ~888! _88888~ i8! 88! __ '` _888~ _d8bg88. 88! 888888_. ,888` -888888888` 88! 8888888888. g88` i88 88888! ,88888 88! 888888888888. d8P '88 i88g8. 88` ,88~_88 88` '8888888. 888 ,8 888888 88 888888` 88 '88888i d8P 88! d8! 88 88 88P~ 88 '8888. i88 88 88 88 88 88b_88i 88 8888 d8! 88 88 88 88 '88888 88 88i 888i 88 88 88 88 88 , 88! '88! 8! 88 '~ 88 88! 88! 8b __d88888i ,88 88! ,__ 88! 88 888888888` 888 ,g888! g88888 88! 88i 88~88! ,g8i g88888!i88L888 88` '88 ,_ 88! 88888 88i d888888`888888 d88 88b g8888i 88 88 88!888| 88` 88! 888 88P g88` 888 ,88~~88 88 88 d8 8888 88 888.,888 888g88! g88! 888. 88! 88!88 88 88 88! 88 '8888888 8888` ,d88! 8888 !88 88`88b888 88 88888` 88 '~~` 88 g888` '8888. 888888 !88888 88 8888 ,g8888 ~8888_ '88~ '~ ,g88888` ~888888_ _8888888` '88888888__. __g88888888~ '~888888888888888____8888888888888888~ '~888888888888888888888888888~ ~~~8888888888~~~` unknown >Tips: The Many, Many Uses of Cornstarch Cornstarch is one of those mysterious items you have in your pantry. It only costs a dollar, so you probably bought it at least one time and now you're unsure what it’s good for. Well in case you're out of ideas, I'm going to show you why this cheap item is actually one of the best materials to have around the house, can make your life much easier. * Household cleaning: Clean windows without leaving streaks: Since cornstarch is a natural abrasive, it can help clean windows and mirrors without leaving any messy streaks. I recommend adding a tablespoon of cornstarch to this homemade window cleaner: In a spouted measuring cup, mix together 1 cup of white vinegar and 1 cup of water. Add 1/4 cup of lemon juice and a few drops of essential oil. Pour this mixture in a spray bottle. After you use the solution to clean the windows and mirrors, wipe with a paper towel. Your windows will become completely transparent. Grease-free carpets: If you have stains on your carpet, pour cornstarch over the greased areas. Let this set in for 20 minutes and then vacuum. The fine powder will absorb the grease. --- ...Wonderful! Thanks Fran! Here's more uses: http://www.naturallivingideas.com/22-surprising-uses-for-cornstarch/ ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Why Trump 3? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump3.html Fall And Halloween INDEX! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html Amazing Dog Houses 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html Great White Shark! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Highway To Hell!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dirt.html No Passing Zone!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant.html Under His Wings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wings.html Thailand's Tigers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger.html Toyger Mini Tiger!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html Adam In Paradise!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html World Of Big Cats!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html World Of Peacocks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html Life's Little Oops 9!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops9.html Undersea Restaurant! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html Why Dogs Bite People!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsbite.html Odin The White Tiger!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html World's Largest Rodent!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/caplin.html Grand Canyon Skywalk!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skywalk.html Beautiful Galapagos Islands!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/galapagos.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) The Cicret Bracelet: Like a tablet...but on your skin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9J7GpVQCfms&feature=youtu.be --- ...Pretty cool! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Vietnam POW https://www.youtube.com/embed/LemllfcAY8A Top Secret Drum Corps - Edinburgh Military Tattoo 2012 - http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=HW3QVLlK-kE --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) WikiRebels http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZGW1u3YR9xY?autoplay=1 The Networked Society http://www.youtube.com/embed/_wqm6G5DjaI?autoplay=1 How Hackers Changed the World http://www.youtube.com/embed/OfCewYcnSu4?autoplay=1 The Story of the Internet http://www.youtube.com/embed/NbAnM3GuZQg?autoplay=1 The Virtual Revolution http://www.youtube.com/embed/PQtCnYkp1UM?autoplay=1 --- ...Great Documentaries! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. The dog weighs 12 ounces. I've eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That's not even officially a dog, that's a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study estimates that Pokemon Go players took over 100 billion steps in the last three months. Unfortunately not one of them was toward a date." -Seth Meyers "A new study finds that having acne could be a good thing because it protects your skin from aging. And then teenagers were like, 'Right now it just feels like it's protecting me from girls.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma." -Conan O'Brien "A new study found that dogs can actually feel genuine love for their owners. While cats just keep a journal of all the things they hate about you." -Jimmy Fallon "China has overtaken the United States as the world's biggest food and grocery market. That means they buy and consume more food than we do. Which when you think about it of course they do. A half hour after they eat, they're hungry again. It's Chinese food." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study suggests that ancient cave art from 40,000 years ago was mostly done by women. So even back then men didn't have a say in decorating." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken nuggets." -Conan O'Brien "According to a new report, there is a shrine in Japan solely dedicated to hemorrhoids. Seating is limited, but usually available." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************