Church Humor And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This sizzler comes from our friends Karen and LouiseA. I grew up with an Aunt who worked in a plastic factory so every once in a while she would spoil us kids each with a grocery bag near full of all sorts of balloons. So I love them and could not resist sharing this fun balloon one with all of you. Give it time to load and check it out here... ,'````', .`',.' `..'``', ____ ,' `', .-' '-. ; ..' /) '. ,'``', ,.., ,.., ', ,., .'`/ (/ \ ,.' '` '.' ; '.,.`'.,,,.` `''` ; ; ,` ', | | ; ; ___| | `., ; ,... ,' .-' ; ; `.,.' `,.' `,. ; .' /) \ / `.,,' / (/ '. .' '. ; '-._ _.-' \ | |)( ; | (__) | ; ;/ | \ // ; '. .'/ / '-._ _.-' /. .' )( / '-._ _.-' (__) / )( | / (__) | / _,' | / _,' |/._,' .-'''-. o(uuu) /(.) (.)\ '-' ; O ; // ,;,;,;,;,;\ }---{ /;,//;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;,;, '-...-' ;,' ,.--U--.// \\/ //. ) \// \\/ ,|| '.___.' o Y ) | || | \// OOO _|~||~|_ BrB (___)(___) Balloon Party 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/party2.html --- ...These are fantastic sculptures! Thanks Karen And LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Scavenger Hunt _._ A woman answered her front door and found two little _._ //\\\ boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, ///\\ |. . ) "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three ( . .| \_=_/ grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of \_-_/--' `\ used carbon paper to earn a dollar." /_) `\-| | \ /_| |_\| |_| "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on \\___// |---|/ such a challenging hunt?" | | | | | | | | | | | "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend." |_|_| |_|_| jgs (__/__)(__\__) ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 23 is National Pink Day June 24 is Swim a Lap Day June 25 is Log Cabin Day and National Catfish Day June 26 is Beautician's Day and Forgiveness Day June 27 is Sun Glasses Day June 28 is Paul Bunyan Day ans Camera Day June 29 is Hug Holiday June 30 is Meteor Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: A _,-' `-._ _-'_________`-_ ``---\_ _/---`` (_ - _) \_._/ 8 __H__ 8 \ | / 8 |\ | /| 8 _|_|||_|_8 `-,/ \,-'8. | | `8< | | |-,-| gnv'-'-' >Chopstick Skill On an evening when my parents were dining in a Chinese restaurant with two of their close friends, Dad was showing his skill in the use of chopsticks. In addition to picking up a piece of beef and a snow pea, he demonstrated his prowess by picking up a tiny morsel of rice. Turning to the others at the table, he asked if there was anything else they would like to see him pick up. "Yes," said his friend. "The check." -<>- >Ironing We baby boomers know that our daughters don't share the same need to iron that we do. This became very apparent while visiting our daughter on our way home from an extended trip. After doing my laundry, I asked my daughter for her iron and ironing board, which she retrieved from the far reaches of her storage room. I was about to plug the iron into the outlet when my grandson walked by and said, "Gramma, is that going to be noisy?" -<>- >New Vacuum I had been complaining for months about my noisy old upright vacuum cleaner. When it finally bit the dust, I happily ran out and bought the snappy-looking red canister vacuum that I'd had my eye on for some time. I really wasn't aware of how much I bragged about the new addition to my cleaning arsenal until the day my husband walked in just as I came around the corner with my new vacuum in tow. "Wow, honey!" he said. "When did you teach it to follow you like that?" -<>- >Pondered Question When I bought my new Corvette, my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it. A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It's the wrong day!" -<>- >Previous Employment I work in a government personnel office in Washington DC, reviewing applications for federal employment. The standard form includes the question, "Why did you leave your previous employment?" One applicant, a former Congressman, responded, "The express wish of 116,000 voters." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) .-~*~--,. .-. .-~-. ./OOOOOOOOO\.'OOO`9~~-. .`OOOOOO.OOM.OLSONOOOOO@@OOOOOO\ /OOOO@@@OO@@@OO@@@OOO@@@@@@@@OOOO`. |OO@@@WWWW@@@@OOWWW@WWWW@@@@@@@OOOO). .-'OO@@@@WW@@@W@WWWWWWWWOOWW@@@@@OOOOOO} /OOO@@O@@@@W@@@@@OOWWWWWOOWOO@@@OOO@@@OO| lOOO@@@OO@@@WWWWWWW\OWWWO\WWWOOOOOO@@@O.' \OOO@@@OOO@@@@@@OOW\ \WWWW@@@@@@@O'. `,OO@@@OOOOOOOOOOWW\ \WWWW@@@@@@OOO) \,O@@@@@OOOOOOWWWWW\ \WW@@@@@OOOO.' `~c~8~@@@@WWW@@W\ \WOO|\UO-~' (OWWWWWW@/\W\ ___\WO) `~-~'' \ \WW=*' __\ \ \ \ \ __\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\ \ \ >SMILES A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve. The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk. About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look Pepe, that's the character who climbed into the car while we were pushing." -------- Little Johnny and his family was having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied."Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook." -------- Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler but, not being sure of the hotel rules, I stopped at the door and asked the maid, “Can we drink beer on the beach?” “Sure thing,” the maid replied, “but I have to finish cleaning the rest of the rooms first.” ------- Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother." -------- A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $20." "That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord himself walked." "Well, at $50/hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder he walked." -------- An American and an English officer were in the Officers' Mess having a few drinks. After several of them, they hit on the idea to make the following (gentleman's) bet: The one who could tell the biggest lie would win. They drew straws, and the American officer got to start: "Well," he says, "there once was an American gentleman--" "Stop!" cried the Englishman, "You win!" -------- A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it‚" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and wrote out his discharge from the Army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said‚ "That's it." -------- A traveling buyer had been on a trip for three months. Every few weeks he'd send a telegram to his wife saying: "Can't come home. Still buying." The wife stood it for a while, but when the fourth month started and her husband still had no idea of returning, she decided to do something. She sent him a telegram. "Better come home. I'm selling what you're buying." --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown >Church Humor Most people don't realize how much editing goes into a church bulliten or newsletter. Some announcements have to be completely rewritten because if they appeared the way they were submitted, it would lead to total confusion. Below are some examples: Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Martin to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet may come forward and do so. A 'Bean Supper' will be held next Sunday evening. Special music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to the choir practice. The United Methodist Women have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the church basement this Friday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. The flower on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Hunter, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Hunter. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- . ( ) ' . ( ( ) ,___________. | _________ | || ,### || || ####' %|| || ##` #|| || :### # || || '####/ || || ##` || || ###; || ||-_-_-_-_-|| || '###; || || '6#' || || ;#' || || ;#`#; || || #!' # || ||%____#___|| |___________| Taliszanna >WARNING! Don't wash your hair in the shower! It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful! It involves the shampoo that runs down your body as you shower. I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner! I used to use shampoo in the shower! When I washed my hair, the shampoo would run down my whole body. But printed very clearly on the shampoo label is the warning: FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME No wonder I've been gaining weight!! Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and started showering with Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads: DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend gh0striders :) ____ /\| ~~\ /' | ,-. `\ | | X | | _|________`-' |X /' ~~~~~~~~~, /' ,_____,/_ ,/' ___,'~~ ; ~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~|--- / X,~~~~~~~~~~~~, | | | XX'____________' | | /' XXX| ; | | --x| XXX,~~~~~~~~~~~~, | | X| '____________' | o |---~~~~\__XX\ |XX | | XXX`\ /XXXX ~~~~~~~~'~~~~~~~' `\xXXXXx/' \XXX /XXXXXX\ /XXXXXXXXXX\ /XXXXXX/^\XDCAU\ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, a bottle of spring-water, 3 cans of sardines. When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow center of the curtain rods. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left. On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.The maid quit. Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house. Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10 nth of what the house had been worth ... but only if he would sign the papers that very day. He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork. A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...... * * and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!* * I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?* --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks gh0striders! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Linda :) A vegetable farm uses seawater and almost no pesticides Ever heard of a farm that uses seawater and almost no pesticides to grow vegetables? That is an initiative being taken in Australia to minimise the use of water and energy in a way that can lower costs to a great extent. At the Spencer Gulf, near Port Augusta in South Australia, Sundrop Farms is turning sunlight and seawater into fresh water and food inside greenhouses.Philipp Saumweber an Harvard University MBA, came up with Sundrop Farms - a concept to turn sunlight and seawater ("Sundrops") into clean food, water and energy. The idea was to address growing energy and water needs and damage to environment due to reckless use of pesticides and fertilisers, said a report that appeared in The Conversation. It harnesses the sun's energy to produce heat that is then used to desalinate seawater and supply freshwater to a greenhouse. The greenhouse is powered with a linked concentrated solar power plant. It relies on the sunlight to warm the greenhouse. "The food produced here is clean, and the use of pesticides is kept minimal as the sterilised airflow reduces pest invasion," Saumweber was quoted as saying. Sundrop Farms now has a 0.2 hectare greenhouse area, producing 150 tonnes of tomatoes, cucumbers and capsicums a year. --- ...Pretty Cool! Thanks Linda! Check out their video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abzzlavlr9M -<>- >From BizarreNews: A teen in India is being worshiped because of his seven-inch tail. It wouldn't be the first time a guy has been worshiped because of his "tail", but what makes this story bizarre is that his tail is actually growing out of his back! Locals have hailed the wheelchair-bound 13-year-old as an incarnation of the Hindu monkey god Hanuman - and refer to him as Balaji. His home was converted into a temple where worshipers gather to receive his blessings and touch his tail. "A lot of people's wishes come true," says his grandfather, who lives with the boy. According to one woman, she was in a coma until family members asked Balaji to pray for her, and when he did, she came out of her coma. Balaji's health has been deteriorating, and it is unclear if the tail has anything to do with it, but family members are hoping it makes a difference. "Doctors may remove my tail but people will continue to have an unshakable faith in me," the boy said. If it weren't a stipulation that the tail has to be in the back, I could move to India and become one hell of a god. *-- Woman goes in to have ovaries removed, goes home with a baby --* PAPATOETOE, New Zealand (UPI) - A 25-year-old New Zealand woman in the hospital to have her ovaries removed due to pain and cramps was instead found to be pregnant. Rebecca Oldham had already been put under anesthesia in November when surgeons discovered she was 32 weeks pregnant with a 9-pound baby. "I was facing not being able to have any more children because they thought there were problems with my ovaries and all of a sudden we had a son," she said, adding that she and husband James Tipene have a 20-month-old daughter, Hayley. Doctors woke Oldham up from anesthesia to tell her they would perform a caesarian section to deliver her baby instead of remove her ovaries. "I am so glad they woke me and told me I was going to have another baby," she said. "Even though it was short notice it was better than waking up and being handed a baby." Oldham told the New Zealand Herald she had had blood tests and other tests after she started complaining of pain in her abdomen, but doctors never discovered her pregnancy. Oldham and Tipene named the surprise baby James. One Serbian study suggests up to one in 7,225 women don't realize they're pregnant until delivery. *-- Man ticketed for warning Ohio drivers about sobriety checkpoint --* PARMA, Ohio (UPI) - "Check point ahead! Turn now!" That's the message that was written on a sign that Doug Odolecki was holding up while standing on an Ohio street corner on Friday night. The final two words of that sign earned Odolecki a ticket and a court date because they were allegedly obstructing official police business. Odolecki was warning drivers in Parma about the upcoming drunken-driving checkpoint for about an hour before Police Lt. Brian McCann asked him to remove the last two words from the sign. When Odolecki refused, he was given a ticket by officer James Manzo. Odolecki told Cleveland.com that McCann and Manzo "tried to be a civil as they could knowing they were violating someone's rights." Attorney John Gold is representing Odolecki pro bono, because he supports "the police accountability activist movement." "The problem here is not the sign in general. It's the part of the sign that instructed drivers to turn that the officers had an issue with," Gold said. "But I think regardless it's protected speech under the First Amendment." *-- Man on meth allegedly uses butt cheeks to fire gun at Colorado police officers --* DENVER (UPI) - A Colorado man who was accused of smoking methamphetamine is now facing attempted murder charges after he was allegedly able to squeeze off two shots at Denver police officers from a gun he had hidden in his butt. Isaac Vigil was being brought to the police station after DPD officers repeatedly searched him when he somehow managed to open fire. Vigil stopped firing when his gun jammed and officers shot him in the stomach. The 32-year-old was taken into custody after he was seen smoking meth in a McDonald's parking lot on May 14. Vigil was facing numerous charges, including possession of drug paraphernalia, assault, felony menacing, and possession of a weapon. It was difficult to search Virgil because he was "violent and aggressive" and "highly agitated," but officers reported that the suspect was patted down three times, according to KUSA. Prior to the shooting Vigil threatened to shoot the officers several times and claimed that he had been smoking meth for three days. In addition to the handgun, Vigil had two baggies of meth stashed in his "rectal area." "I conclude that under applicable Colorado law no criminal charges are fillable against Corporal Sisneros," the Denver District Attorney wrote in a letter that was released on Monday. "My decision, based on criminal-law standards, does not limit administrative action by the Denver Police Department, where non-criminal issues can be reviewed, or civil actions where less-stringent laws, rules and legal levels of proof apply." *-- Man arrested in Italian town of Bra for stealing brassieres and undergarments --* BRA, Italy (UPI) - An Italian thief in Bra has been placed under house arrest for stealing brassieres and underwear from washing lines in town. The alleged thief was busted after bagging bras and pinching panties that had been left out to dry on lines and balconies in the northern Italian town. The 28-year-old conducted his undergarment-snatching operation overnight. When police searched the suspect's home in nearby Pocopaglia, he allegedly had "a house full" of women's underwear, La Repubblica reported. According to the paper, he had harassed a former girlfriend in the past. According to the Local, a 64-year-old Italian man was also arrested for stealing 17 bras from a supermarket in August. Renzo Cavalieri's arrest came only months after he was released from a year-long sentence that he had received for stealing underwear. "I have no idea why I keep stealing bras," he reportedly told police. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >Little Johnny meets Barack Obama... Barack Obama was visiting a primary school in North Carolina and he visited a fourth grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.' One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy." "No," said Obama, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call great loss." The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Obama searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says Johnny slowly, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as heck wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your last dollar it wouldn't be an accident either!" The teacher fainted! --- ...Oh MY! HaHa! Thanks Karen! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) I can relate to this BIG TIME!!! K ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >SHOULD I REALLY JOIN FACEBOOK? (PRICELESS) When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc- u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship... When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me. Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot." P.S. I know some of you are not over 70. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are. ......Not me I figured your sense of humor could handle it.... We senior citizens don't need anymore gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle. --- ...HaHa! Too Funny! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: | /"\ |\ | |"\ /"\ |\ | |\/| /"\ /"\ .-"L"-. |__ \_/ | \| |_/ \_/ | \| | | \_/ \_/ .--""L""---___ J | | J J ""L L J J J----"""J""---__ | | J J L L_--""|"--L | F J L L__ ___ L L | J | J F J F \""""""" | """""-----, L | J J F | \ L L L | | | J J _.---""" \ J | | | | F F F / \ | J | | | J J | / \ L ___---++...;.++'--__ F J / \ J L""----____ __---""J__--=----_E_ / \ | J | |--__ __--"/ / __ \ L L | F ""F / / """--__ J J | J | / / ""; | L | | J / / __--""" \ L J | F F / / __--"" \ J L | J | / / --"" \ | J | | J / / \ L L | F F / / \ J J | J | / / \ | L | | J / / \ L J | F F / / \ J L | J | / / \ | _J | |"-J+' / \-L" L | F / \ J | J / '-. \ "-.|+' / '-. \ / . '-. \ / .-' '-. .-' "-. .-' hs '-. .-' . "-. .-' '-. .-' .' '. '-.-' ' .' '. This legend, the truth of which is not necessarily related to its value, concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen: "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer." One student replied: "Tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building." This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer. "Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper. "But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sq root(l / g). "Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up. "If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pres- sure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building. "But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise inde- pendence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this building'." The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics. -<>- We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride we talked about how the procedure would be per- formed. "Dad," our teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation he quipped, "They're going to give you a phone." -<>- A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-tellers tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. "Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children." "That's what you think", the man laughed. I'm the father of THREE children." The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!" -<>- During World War II Richard Wynn, on flight duty with the 8th Air Force Division in Europe was shot down and captured by the Germans. After a year as prisoner of war, he escaped and made his way back to his bomber group in England. One of his first acts there was to hunt up the corporal on duty in the parachute building. "Corporal," he said, "a year ago I had occasion to use one of the parachutes that your men had packed and I want you to know how delighted I was to find it in perfect working order. I give you my deepest compliments and appreciation." "You know, Lieutenant, funny thing," the corporal replied. "In this work we never get any complaints." -<>- At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender." -<>- I came down with laryngitis last week. This was the day our fifth grade class was going on a field trip to the zoo and I did not want to miss it, so I went to school in spite of hav- ing lost my voice. The highlight of the visit to the zoo was the time we spent in the petting zoo. While I was petting a baby Shetland Pony, my teacher asked, "How are you feeling today?" I responded, "Oh, I'm feeling a little horse." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >Late Show Top Ten Top Ten Reasons Annika Sorenstam Retired (Presented by Annika Sorenstam) 10. "Tired of Tiger Woods stealing my putter" 9. "Became less interested in aiming at green and more interested in aiming at spectators" 8. "I knew I needed a break when my golf bag began talking to me" 7. "I'm leaving to play Countess Scarlett Worthington on 'All My Children'" 6. "When I'm in a stressful tournament, I eat golf tees like they're peanuts" 5. "Honestly, this long presidential campaign has sucked the life out of me" 4. "Who can focus on golf when Lauren and Audrina are fighting on 'The Hills'?" 3. "I want to spend more time with Brett Favre's family" 2. "I just want a job where I can sit in a cubicle instead of being stuck on a golf course all day" 1. "The only putts I have to worry about now is my fiance" -<>- .~""~.--. i::::i,__\ mmn ?::::j-_-/ (_) 1 f\._/! \ `. ,__}--{/_l___. \ `---~' `m,_`. \ )} .~""~.,--, `~-----: i :----~' i::::i___/\ | | |-'/ mmn !::::j'~.~/ | ! | f (_) 1 f!\._/! l j | \ `. ,__}--{_/_l___. }==I===I={~( \ `--~' `m,_`. f 1; ) \ )} | } |( `. `~----: i :-----~' | } | ; ) | | |`-'/ | ~ |( `\ | ! | f | i | ) ; ) l j | | | |' ( `. }=I===I=={~~( } ~~ | |) ` ; ) f 1 ; ) /| } ~ { ; ( `\ | i | ( `. ('| | |! `; ) | { |` ; ) (;!| | |( ; ) ,' ) | `~ | ( `\ YX| | |XXXXXXXXY | i |` ) ; ) !____| |{ | | |.' ( `. \L_J!___!_) } ~ | | ) `. ) \L_J`-' | } ~~ {' ; ( `\ (| | | ! `; ) (`| | | ( ; ) ,' ) Y!___| |XXXXXXXXXY L_J| |} { !____!(_) L_J/ `-' mab'95 >Letterman's Top Ten Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear At Your Prom 10. "The theme is 'A Night in Gitmo'" 9. "The janitor is making a fresh batch of punch" 8. "I couldn't afford a corsage, so I bought you some iceberg lettuce" 7. "For this next dance, I want all you Sunnis to grab a Shiite" 6. "I plan on having sex tonight — not with you of course" 5. "Would you like to go someplace quiet and discuss the joys of Scientology?" 4. "Surprise! I wore my Spock ears!" 3. "Are you a cop?" 2. "Paris Hilton will attend anything" 1. "Nice dress, Carl" ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) World Of Peacocks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html Great Horned Owl! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owl.html Paper Sculpture Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paper.html Albino Hummingbird! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html Akiane Child Prodigy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Transparent Butterfly! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/butterfly.html Indian Paper Sculpture! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/indianart.html Moon Photography Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonart.html Beautiful Siamese Fighting Fish! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/siamesefish.html In The Wild With Brendon Cremer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inthewild.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Got Banana? http://www.youtube.com/embed/_l7sak6Vlq8?rel=0 --- ...Fascinating! Thanks Geniann! -<>- His immaculate timing, combined with his rapport with the audience, makes this performance very special. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XKRrfAzdpW8 Man's best friend often also is man's best entertainer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N29NilO9cz0&feature=player_embedded A trip back in time to high school and the Class of 1959 Memories should bring back many fond memories for anyone that grew up in the 1950's. Video was created by Tom Ziemianski for the 70th Birthday Bash of BHS Class of 1959 at Geneva on the Lake. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxgH-jtPQu0&feature=player_embedded --- ...Great Ones! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) seasoning recipes | flavored vinegar | flavored oil http://www.recipegoldmine.com/season/season.html BirthVerse :: Scripture Verse for your Birthday. http://www.birthverse.com/ --- ...Useful and nice! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly 1918 Spanish flu virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but this is how pandemics start." -Seth Meyers "Soccer is one of those things that the rest of the world cares more about than we do - you know, like healthcare, education, gun control." -Dave Letterman "Domino's has a new voice-activated iPhone app that will help customers order pizza. You just speak your order into the phone. Or as that's called now, 'ordering a pizza.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A Colorado man unsuccessfully tried to break into a University of Colorado ATM by spraying it with acid and waiting for it to eat the protective covering away. He was caught when authorities examined the three hours of security footage of his face." -Seth Meyers "It's Icelandic Independence Day. Happy Independence Day, Iceland. Iceland was named after an explorer who first discovered it: Vanilla Ice." -Craig Ferguson "The World Cup is underway. A lot of World Cup soccer players have been faking injuries to draw a penalty from the other team. Meanwhile, a lot of Americans have been faking following the World Cup." -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ***********************************************************************