Citizenship And Constitution Day... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
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*~* Our Hearts And Prayers Go Out To All Those Affected By Hurricane
Florence. May God Bless and help them through Jesus Christ Our Lord.
Hurricane Florence: Drone footage shows devastation from the air
http://video.foxnews.com/v/5835880830001/
-<>-
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This scorching hot new page is from our friend KarenF. It gives
us a look at some of the most unusual places on our planet. Be
sure to check it and the video out here:
,-----.
,'_/_|_\_`.
/<<::8[O]::>\
_|-----------|_
:::| | ====-=- | |:::
:::| | -=-==== | |:::
:::\ | ::::|()|| /:::
::::| | ....|()|| |:::: -Don
| |_________| |
| |\_______/| |
/ \ / \ / \ R2 Astromech Droid (2)
`---' `---' `---' - Front View -
Alien-Looking Places On Earth
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/alienlooking.html
---
...Wowsers! Most interesting! Thanks KarenF!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
/\ _
/ \ ...o ...o (_) /\
/ \ ...o / \_
/ \_ /\ /\ _/ \_
/ \ /\ / \__ /\ /\ _ / \ /
/ # ## # #\#\_/ \ /# ## #\____/ \___ _/ \_/ \__/ _ \_/ #/ ### #\
##/\###\###\#\####\/###/#\#####/#/\####\__/###/\\#######/#\#\##/##/#\##/
#/#\#\######\##\/\##\#/###/\\#/##/\#\/#\\####//#\##\#//#/\#\##/######//#
##/\##\#\#####//##\######//#\###/##\/###\###/######/###/##\###\#/#\#/###
/###\##\##\#/########\#/#######/###/#####\#/#####//##/#######\##\######/
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.--~~~~~~~----~~-.__.00_ ____--- ____--- _
d o\ ____---
: . ~o --
: | ' ._'--`-' ___-- --
9 l l j .--.
} j \ Y ____--- o-" o \
| _/~~T-...---~" -. \ __-- _'. \___
| / \ | | / \ \ "._ `\ \_." __
\_;,, \_;,, \_;,, "-,;, ____..---~~ ~~~~~~~~
chs
A new neighbor arrives. The kids meet.
The local kid: "My mom was born in California! Where was your mom born?"
The other kid answers, "Alaska".
The first one replies, "Gee, then don't worry about it... I'll ask 'er
myself!"
-<>-
>Business one-liners
A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and
able to lay down your life for his country.
A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always
find new sense.
A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is dead.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.
A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
September 17 is Citizenship Day, Constitution Day and National Apple
Dumpling Day
September 18 is National Cheeseburger Day and Yom Kippur - begins at
sundown
September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day and National
Butterscotch Pudding Day
September 20 is National Pepperoni Pizza Day and National Punch Day
September 21 is International Peace Day, Miniature Golf Day and
World Gratitude Day
September 22 is Business Women's Day, Elephant Appreciation Day,
Hobbit Day, International Rabbit Day, National Hunting and Fishing
Day and Oktoberfest begins in Germany
September 23 is Autumn Equinox - Fall begins, 23 Checkers Day,
Dog in Politics Day and Sukkot - begins at sundown, date varies
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/|
/ /######/ / |
/ /______/ / |
========================= /||
|_______________________|/ ||
| \****/ \__,,__/ ||
|===\**/ __,,__ || Joe Jacques
|______________\====/%____||
| ___ /~~~~\ % / |
_| |===|=== / \%_/ |
| | |###| |########| | /
|____\###/______\######/__|/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Signs You May Not be a Morning Person:
You set up coffee the night before, knowing you'd never figure out
how in the morning.
You make Wookie sounds when the alarm goes off.
One alarm is not enough, and your spouse/parent/roommate has
considered buying you one of those clocks that runs away and hides.
You can even ignore a hungry cat, desperate dog or ringing telephone.
You have destroyed more than two alarm clocks by shutting them off
with unnecessary vigor.
Moving your body first thing in the morning feels like clumping
around in an oversize boot and you can easily get tangled in or trip
over your own body parts.
An obstacle in your path to the bathroom, even as small as a shoe,
takes full concentration to navigate around.
You respond to "Good morning" with an incoherent grunt and an arm
wiggle.
Even the simplest question turns you into a statue while you vainly
try to process the incoming words.
A delay in coffee seems like a desperate situation. If something goes
wrong with the coffee process, you stand in confusion while water
spews everywhere, because you need coffee in order to figure out how
to fix the coffee maker.
You are incapable of rational thought or conversation till you've
been up at least an hour, sometimes longer.
-<>-
>Float?
While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the
helicopter I was on lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed
safely in a lake.
The pilot tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors
closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is
designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get
to them.
Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his
life vest, and jerked open the exit door.
"Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is designed to float!"
As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back,
"Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too! How's that working out?"
-<>-
>New Car?
My husband and I were at a car dealer, shopping for a new car, when I
noticed an older couple admiring the same one I was looking at. The
husband turned to his wife and said, "Well, you said we should start
enjoying life and spending some of our retirement money."
"Yes," she replied, "but I was talking about buying a dishwasher!"
-<>-
>Guest Speaker
We recently had a guest speaker at our church. He was from India,
part of an organization that our church supports.
Before he started his sermon, he asked if anyone had called any
customer support numbers recently.
When several people in the congregation raised their hands, he said,
"That's good. That means you won't have too much trouble
understanding my accent."
-<>-
>Avoiding the Scale
Having avoided the scale for a few years, my husband finally got up
the nerve to climb aboard. Unable to read the numbers, he got off to
grab his eyeglasses and stepped back on.
"What do you know?" he called out. "These glasses weigh 50 pounds."
=========================================================
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| | * * *| * | (________________
| |* * * |* *|####|##############|
| | * * *| * | | |
| |* * * |* *|####|##############|
| |~~~~~~| * | | |
| |######|* *|####|##############|
| | |~~~' | |
| |######|########|##############|
| | | | |
| |######|########|##############|
| |~~~~~~| | |
| | |########|##############|
| | '~~~~~~~~| |
| | |##########JGS#|
| | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| |
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| |
>-->Citizenship And Constitution Day - Reflections On US Citizenship:
L. Jenkins
To me, being an American citizen is being free. Being an American means
that you can make your own decisions about where you want to live, where
you would like to work, who you’d like to marry etc. It means being
brave, being proud of this Country, and being confident that we will
succeed. Being an American is an honor not a privilege. Being a citizen
is supporting the troops that are fighting for out Country. It means
that if there is a disaster like 9/11 you don’t just give up you keep
fighting. It means that you treat your fellow Americans with respect. It
means that you don’t judge people because of their color, religion, or
their beliefs. Being an American is being loyal to this Country and
helping out in any which way you can. It’s almost like some American
citizens don’t really understand how lucky they are. Some are not aware
of how well off they are to live in this Country. I’m sure that there
are many citizens of America who are not proud of what they have, if
only there was a way to make them non-citizens and help the people who
are trying to get their citizenship and want to be proud to be American
get their citizenship. After looking through the website it really makes
you realize how lucky you are to be an American citizen. Reading about
the Japanese Americans during World War II is devastating. Comparing
those days to now a day there is such a dramatic difference. People
should think back to when all the detention camps were happening and
realize how proud they should be to be American.
-<>-
()__
||**Z__
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||==|**=|====|
||""|===|====|
|| `"""|====|
jgs || `""""`
Heather
What I think it Means to be a United States Citizen
I was born on February 14, 1986 in Soul South Korea. I was put up for
adoption because my birth mother wanted me to have a better life and
made sure that I would come to American. Which I think says a lot about
what a great country we live in. Six months later I was adopted and on a
plane on my way to Detroit, Michigan. Nine years later I became a
citizen of the United States. I was now was a legal resident and had a
social security number. I was made a citizen so late because my mother
wanted me to remember that day. At the time I didn’t realize what a
proud day it was. I was no longer just another foreigner. I was now a US
citizen. I now no longer had the threat to be deported I was now here to
stay and no one could do anything about it. I know now what a proud day
it really was, not only for me but my parents as well. I was now a part
of the greatest country in the world. I think what it means to be an
American citizen can be described in one simple word, freedom. In
American you have the freedom to do what ever you want. In the United
States you have so many freedoms and there’s always someone here who has
your back if you need it. Being an American citizen isn’t a right it’s a
privilege. Not everyone in this country gets that privilege.
-<>-
_..._
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_|*****|_
( '-...-' ) Uncle Sam
{`;-----;`}
{(| a a|)}
\| _\ |/
\ - /
jgs '{_}`
Kyle
I think that being an American Citizen means that we have right to lots
of things. It means that we have the freedom of religion, the right to
speak freely, and the right to own your own business.
The freedom of religion means that we can believe whatever we want. No
one can tell us what is right and what is wrong to believe. The
government can’t tell you what to believe in. There is no one religion
that the whole country has to fallow.
The right to speak freely also has a lot of meanings. The newspaper can
print whatever they want because the freedom of speech. In other
countries you can get punished if you say something bad about another
person, but in America you can say whatever you want.
Having the right to own your own business without the government telling
you what to do is a big one. In other countries the government just
tells you what you are going to be, and you don’t have any choice. In
America you have the right to fail and the right to make money without
government involvement.
This is what I think it means to be an American citizen. I am glad that
I am an American, and I feel proud to be in a country where we have all
these rights.
======;===========;()
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jgs #######::::::
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Read More Here:
https://amhistory.si.edu/perfectunion/memory/topic.asp?TopicID=4
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
(\
\'\
\'\ __________
/ '| ()_________)
\ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \
\ \ ~~~~~~ \
==). \__________\
(__) ()__________)
unknown
>SMILES
I was writing a casual letter to a friend, using Microsoft Word, when I
was called away to do something else. I quickly saved the letter but
neglected to name it. In Word, if you don't type anything into the
'Save as' field, it will use the first few words of your text as a
title, with the suffix '.doc.'
When I returned to my computer, the letter was stored as "What's
up.doc."
--------
I've always wanted a beautiful shawl to wear with my winter dresses. So
when I opened the present from my sister, Wanda, and saw that it was a
white-and-silver shawl, I squealed in delight. "I love it!" I told
Wanda that evening. "I wore it all morning."
"You wore it?" Wanda asked, smiling. "It's a skirt for the Christmas
tree."
--------
When my wife and I moved to Tucson, AZ, from the East Coast, we fell in
love with the change of scenery: the desert, the beautiful sunsets, the
wonderful Southwestern vistas.
When a native 'Zonie asked what we thought of the area, I told him that
I was impressed with the climate and the scenery, but I missed the
beach. "But we have lots of beaches here," he corrected. "We just lack
an ocean."
--------
An older woman recently returned from her home town in North Carolina
and told a friend they'd spruced up the churchyard cemetery, since her
last visit several years ago. "Lots of new greenery," she stated. "And
the families are together now."
"All together?" her friend asked, puzzled.
Well," the first replied, "years ago they never much worried where they
buried someone, because everyone was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig
a grave wherever it seemed to balance things.
"But they've redone it, so people are with their children and
grandchildren, instead of scattered."
Her friend was still puzzled. "You mean they exhumed all those people
and reburied them?"
"Oh, my gosh, no," was the reply. "We just shifted the headstones.
Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."
--------
_,-'^\
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`\ / __ ,-' \ \ ,'
/ / _,-' ' \ \
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'-,________ /
\ /
| |
/ |
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/ /~\ (\/)
{ / \ }
| | | =|
/ | ~\ |
J \, (_o
'"
I was watching the aerobic championships on TV with my daughter-in-law.
A smiling blonde young thing was performing. Sleek, solid, with not an
extra ounce on her toned body, she was bouncing and darting about, her
rapid arm and leg movements in sync with the music.
Glancing down at my added poundage and expanded middle, I lamented to
Kimberly, "Would you believe that at one time I looked like that woman?"
You were blonde?" she asked.
-------
The youngest of my three boys had just started school
with the same teacher his brothers had had. The teacher
commented to him, "I can't believe you're already in
first grade. What does you mother do all day now that
all three boys are in school?"
"Cartwheels."
--------
A very dirty little boy came in from playing in the yard and asked his
mother, "Who am I?"
Ready to play the game she replied, "I don’t know! Who are you?"
"WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She told me I was so
dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognize me!"
--------
I accompanied my husband to get a haircut. While flipping through a
magazine I found a hairstyle that would look good on me. I asked the
receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of
the hairstyle photo.
"Well, okay," she replied, "but leave some ID -- a driver’s license or
credit card."
"But my husband is here getting his hair cut," I explained.
"Yeah ... but we need something you’ll come back for."
--------
An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and
wanted to find out a little about her personality.
"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would
it be?" the executive asked.
"I'd have to say the living one."
--------
The teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out
the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.
"Little Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?"
"On the eraser!" came back his quick reply.
---
...HaHaHaHa! Good chuckles! Thank You LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fran :)
o \
o `. o
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-. .-.-. .---. .-.,-.,-. ..-. /
)| | `'____\' o _____\|| `
`' | |-._--.| |----.| | o
|o ||-.| ||,-. || | o
o | ||_|| |/ oo\ || |
| || || C ._)o || | o
o| || ||o|\`-/ || | ,. o
| ||_|| ,'\,\ || | _\('')
| ||o||/\ \ .: o|| | (; .)
| || |( \_\||___|| | _,.(|___)-.
| o||_|||`-`,\)----' | o
o | | ||..|.| o _ |-. _.-.
`.-.|._|_.-:|__|_|-.-' `-'.__ o
o '--`-` o - SSt
>Humor
Weather Conditions -- Just got off the phone with a friend who lives
in North Dakota. She said that since early this morning, the snow
has been nearly waist high -- and is still falling. The temperature
is 32º below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale
force. Wind chill is minus 59ºF.
Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and
stare.
She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let her drunken
husband in!
¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤
A group of young men were sitting around the coffee shop, complaining
about how hard it was to get by in this day and age. Bob, an old
timer, was listening to them and finally spoke. "You kids don't know
what hard times are. Why, when I was your age we were so poor we
couldn't afford electricity. We even had to watch television by
candle light."
¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤
A blind man, deaf man and a lame man went on a pilgrimage to a healing
spring. The blind man washed his eyes with water from the spring and
exclaimed, "I can see! I can see!" The deaf man washed his ears with
the spring water and proclaimed, "I can hear! I can hear!" The lame
man drove his wheelchair into the water and out the other side, yelling.
"I got new tires! I got new tires!"
¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤¤»«¤*´`*»§«:¤:»§«*´`*¤»«¤
The weather was very hot and a man wanted desperately to take a dive in
a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but he was all
alone. He undressed and got into the water. After some delightful
minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in
his direction.
He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand
nearby. He held the bucket in front of his privates and sighed with
relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and
wanted to move. Then one of the ladies remarked: "You know, I have a
special gift, I can read minds."
"Impossible!' exclaimed the embarrassed man, "You really know what I
think?"
"Yes," the older lady replied, "Right now, I bet you're thinking 'Thank
God the bucket I'm holding has a bottom!' However, It doesn't."
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Fran!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
"Throughout 25 years of public service, the FBI has thoroughly and
repeatedly vetted Judge Kavanaugh, dating back to 1993, for some of
the most highly sensitive roles. He has served in the Office of
Independent Counsel, the White House, and on the D.C. Circuit Court
of Appeals, all before his nomination earlier this year to serve as
Associate Justice on the Supreme Court,"
https://tinyurl.com/ybl6ol4k
Kellyanne Conway: Judge Kavanaugh's accuser will be heard
http://video.foxnews.com/v/5835806063001/
The Story That The Media Won’t Talk About
https://1600daily.com/2018/09/13/story-media-wont-talk/
Manafort Deal Could End Up Hurting Podesta and Hillary
https://tinyurl.com/yd622gy3
Did Bob Woodward Find Evidence of “Collusion”?
https://1600daily.com/2018/09/14/bob-woodward-find-evidence-collusion/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Move America Forward
http://www.moveamericaforward.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
UPDATE:
Last week I gave you a story about the first-ever S doll
brothel in Italy. LumiDolls had six female silicone dolls
and one male, and it was such an instant success it was
almost immediately booked for weeks in advance.
But apparently it wasn't meant to last, because the brothel
with no real women in it was raided by Italian police.
Lumidolls latest bordello in Turin was closed after alleged
infringements of Italian property law, Italian media reports.
It is believed cops raided the Turin brothel after checks
showed it was not legally allowed to run hospitality on the
premises.
Hygiene authorities are now carrying out an investigation to
see if the company's doll cleaning met all standards.
The brothels allow men to live out their S fantasies
without having to expose themselves to the risk real
prostitutes might pose. Nonetheless, visitors are urged to
use a condom.
-<>-
"And whosoever is not found written in the book of life will
be cast into the lake of fire. And in that place there will
be a great weeping and gnashing of teeth."
Those are not just pretty words. That is what the Bible
tells us will happen at the end of days, when the messiah
comes again to judge mankind for their sins.
But that's just fanciful fiction, right? Even true believers
know there are specific signs and portents that must happen
before Judgment Day. Signs like; earthquakes, floods, famines
and plagues. Plus, other, less disastrous signs, like the
third temple being built in Jerusalem. And before that
happens a perfectly red, unblemished heifer must be born and
sacrificed.
A perfectly red, unblemished heifer just like the one that
was born this summer in Israel.
A red heifer born in Israel last month is being closely
examined by The Temple Institute, a religious organization
based in Jerusalem, after it has been claimed the animal
could fulfill a prophecy in the Jewish and Christian holy
books.
It is said the sacrifice of a red heifer is essential for
the construction of a third temple in Jerusalem, which some
theologians have claimed could bring about the return of the
messiah and Judgment Day.
Rabbi Chaim Richman, the international director of the Temple
Institute, claims there has been no perfect red heifer for
the past 2,000 years.
Rabbi Richman said, "We cannot help but wonder and pray: If
there are now red heifers, is ours the era that will need
them?"
---
...Visit here for more details:
https://tinyurl.com/y8p9r3hz
*- Flying Car Makes First Successful Test Flight -*
A Philippines inventor said his homemade flying car has
completed its first successful test flight after six years of
development. Kyxz Mendoza of Quezon City said his "Ultralight
Aircraft" reached heights of 25 feet during the test flight,
which was recorded on video and posted online. He said the
test flight came after six years of working on his invention,
which uses drone-style multicopter technology to attain
flight. The inventor said he is seeing investors so he can
mass-produce the vehicles. "It's a flying car type of vehicle
that uses drone technology or multicopter technology to fly.
It's like a drone car," he said. "I wanted it to be a sports
car, a flying Lamborghini, maybe. The design was a trial and
error process. Some materials burned up on use. Other
materials didn't quite work."
*------------ That's a Lot of Meat ------------*
It's called 'shrinkage'. People lift things from their work-
place. You might take home a pen from the office, or a pack
of sticky notes. If there is an overstocked product or a
sample lying around it might find its way into your bag. But
one employee at an Ohio supermarket got a little carried
away with her liberal attitude toward company property. The
Giant Eagle chain reported that the 36-year-old suspect has
helped herself to over $9,000 worth of meat from the deli
counter over the last few years. That's a lot of salami! A
tipster reported that the employee was helping herself daily.
Well, who has time for lunch these days? When questioned,
the employee reportedly confessed to the deli meat pilferage,
"but did not wish to give a statement."
*----- Rat Pulls Fire Alarm in D.C. Condo ------*
The rats in Washington D.C. are getting more aggressive. And
it's not the rats on Capitol Hill. Security camera footage
from inside a Washington, D.C., condo building revealed who
pulled the fire alarm that spurred an evacuation -- a rat. A
video recorded inside the condominium building shows a rat
jumping from a handrail to the fire alarm, which is triggered
by the rodent's weight. The alarm prompted an evacuation of
the building, which was not on fire.
*---- We've Come Full Circle on Segregation -----*
It took the civil rights movement to finally end segregation
60 years ago, and it took the social justice movement to
bring it back. You have probably stories about certain
universities allowing black only graduation ceremonies, and
black only orientation, and black only housing, well now
white students are getting in on the game. The University of
Maryland at College Park announced Friday a new diversity
support group to create a 'safe space' for white students to
discuss their feelings about interactions with racial and
ethnic minorities. "This group offers a safe space for White
students to explore their experiences, questions, reactions,
and feelings," the description explains. "Members will
support and share feedback with each other as they learn more
about themselves and how they can fit into a diverse world."
The new group is now one of four in the university's
'Diversity Issues' program series. It only took 60 years for
people to start imposing segregation on themselves.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
.. ..
o: ' :o
o '. .' o
o _`.' _o .. ..
('> <`) : : : :
(\/) (\/) :: .''.''. ::
."". ."". .''. .''. .''; ; ;''. .''. .''. .''. .''.
| |oo| || | | | | | ; ; | | | | | | |oo| |
--| |--| d|--| |--| |-| ; ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |--
--|| |--| |--| |--| |-| ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |--
.o|b | | |o.| | | | | ; | | | | |.o| | | |o.
o'| | | |`o| | | | | ; ; o| | | | |o'| | | |`o
o | | | || o| | | | | ; ; | | | | |o | | | | o
--| |--| b|--| |--| |-| ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |--
--| |--| |--| |--| |-| ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |--
`o| | | |o'| | | | | ; ; ; | | | | |`o| | | |o'
`|__|oo|__|' |__| |__| |__;__;__;__| |__| |__| `|__|oo|__|'
"" "" ___________
"" "" "" / \
/"" WELCOME \
/ "" \
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AMC
>Which side of the fence Are You On?
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on,
this is a great test!
If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.
If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of
him.
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for
it, or may choose a job that provides it.
If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of
us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a
good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".
---
...Sounds about right. HaHa! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
\_/ .:' .:' .:'
-=(_)=- /\|| /\|| /\||
/ \ //\\| //\\| //\\|
// \\ // \\ // \\
// \^/ \^/ \\
|[] []|[] []|[] []|
&| || % || | || |%
"jgs"&%&--==--&%-==--%&"""""%&%""""
>Location, Location, Location
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his
own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and
announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest
sign of all over his own shop-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.
-<>-
,.
(\(\)
,_ ; o >
{`-. / (_)
`={\`-._____/` |
`-{ / -=`\ |
`={ -= = _/ /
`\ .-' /`
{`-,__.'===,_
//` `\\
jgs //
`\=
>The Chicken and the Egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against
the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and
says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.
-<>-
>Can We Have A Word?
Husband: Do you know that on an average women says between 10,000 to
35,000 words a day?
Wife: Yes, that's because they have to repeat everything often to men.
Husband: What?
-<>-
>Don't Mime Me
A young lady was a theater major applying for fall semester classes. At
the end of the busy day she goes back to her dorm and enters in a huff
of anger.
"What's wrong, Shelly?" Asks her roommate.
"Well, all the acting classes are filled. I couldn't even get into Mime
class."
"Why not?"
"How should I know? You can't get a word out of those people!"
-<>-
<>
.-"""-. ||::::::==========
/= ___ \ ||::::::==========
|- /~~~\ | ||::::::==========
|=( '.' ) | ||================
\__\_=_/__/ ||================
{_______} ||================
/` * `'--._||
/= . [] . { >
/ /|ooo |`'--'||
( )\_______/ ||
\``\/ \ ||
`-| == \_| ||
/ | ||
|= >\ __/ ||
\ \ |- --| ||
\ __| \___/ ||
jgs _{__} _{__} ||
( )( ) ||
^^~ `""" `""" ~^^^~^^~~~^^^~^^^~^^^~^^~^
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?
A: An astronut!
Q: When do ducks wake up in the morning?
A: At the quack of dawn!
Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A: Patty.
Q: Did you hear about the alligators that joined the FBI?
A: They became investi-gators.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.--, .--,
( ( \.---./ ) )
'.__/o o\__.'
{= ^ =}
> - <
/ \
// \\
//| . |\\
"'\ /'"_.-~^`'-.
\ _ /--' `
jgs ___)( )(___
(((__) (__)))
One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the
toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It
was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right
in the bathroom with her.
She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any
further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that
she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy
sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart
beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bath-
room.
This time the noise was accompanied by something touching
the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally
flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a
couple feet, to land screaming by my side.
The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet
paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bathroom.
-<>-
In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had
earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English
accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a "barrister."
My 13-year-old daughter wasn't impressed. "So," she said,
"he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and
now he works at Starbucks?"
-<>-
My wife is a very adventurous cook. "How does this sound?"
she called out from the kitchen. "Bonito, surimi, and
anchovies in a decadent, silky broth."
"Sounds delicious," I hollered back. "Is that what we're
having tonight?"
"No. I'm reading from this packet of cat food."
-<>-
A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She
had made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she
explained, and they had eaten half of it. The next day,
however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice.
Then another, and another. By the time she had polished off
the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed.
"What did he say when he found out?" one club member asked.
"He never found out," she said. "I made another cake and ate
half."
-<>-
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing
machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
"University of Oklahoma," he yelled back.
-<>-
I was complaining the other day to a friend about the knot
in my tie. "These four-in-hands with their tiny knots are
so un-stylish," I complained. He asked, "Do you know how to
do a Windsor knot?"
I replied, "It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot, it's how
you play the game!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend RichardF :)
,---,_ ,
_> `'-. .--'/
.--'` ._ `/ <_
>,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-.
.-' .'` `'. '.
> / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\
/ ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._>
`> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ /
`.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|`
jgs \; \ ;/
\ .-, )-. /
/` .'-'. `\
;_.-`.___.'-.;
>LAW STUDENT
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty
old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"
Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a
professor, would I?"
Student: "OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the
correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me
the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".
Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?"
Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and
neither logical nor legal?”
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer.
Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A"
as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.
The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all
afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a
group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really
tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but
not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students
immediately raise their hands.
"All right" says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer
"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old
and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.
Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And
your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A",
which is neither legal, nor logical."
---
...Wow! What a good one! TeeHee! Thanks RichardF!
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
__________
_.='"----.._ `""--.._
_.'.-'\\ () \``""-.`"-. __
_.'/ '--' '-----[] .-'.-' .-' `'-'` /
_..--""``` _, _, _, _, _ LI [__] \
.' .-'''-. / // // // / [_] .-'''-. #### '-.
/ / _ \ '-, / '-, / .----. / _ \ Valvoline\
| | (_) | /_/ /_/ '----'|| (_) | ____..'
'--'\ / '===================' \ /'=='
jgs `-...-` `-...-'
>Bad Excuses For Speeding
"This is my tryout for Nascar."
"I've got to get back to Amish Country before they realize that I am
missing."
"That McDonald's offer is for a Limited Time only and buddy, that could
run out at ANYTIME!"
"Cause those Tacos rule."
"Uh-Oh..Wapner's on...I'm an excellent driver."
"Trying to see how fast a Yugo can go."
"Umm... I'm drunk?"
-<>-
.
\ | /
_\|/_
.' ' ' '. ___
_.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.
.'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'`
.'.' ||()|()||
.___..-'.' / \
`----'"` / .-. \
(.'.(___).'.)
`.__.-.__.'
jgs |_| |_|
`.`-'.'
`"`
>Top Ten Things to Describe a Stupid Person
1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.
2. A few clowns short of a circus.
3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
5. A few beers short of a six-pack.
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
7. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
9. One taco short of a combination plate.
10. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Pets Being Pets!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petsbeingpets.html
Bibi's Rescue!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescue.html
For Dog Lovers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doglovers.html
Just Have Faith!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/faith.html
Beaker The Duck!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beakertheduck.html
Maria The Goose!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html
Wally The Rabbit!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallytherabbit.html
Big Baby Big Dogs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs.html
World Of Squirrels!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofsquirrels.html
Feeding The Eagles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html
Water Rescue Dogs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/waterrescuedogs.html
Pink The Pig-Puppy!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pigpuppy.html
Duck Calls For Cops!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html
Kids With Animals 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithanimals2.html
Akiane Child Prodigy!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html
Odin The White Tiger!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html
Ricochet The Surf Dog!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html
My How You've Grown!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grown.html
When Sandman Attacks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html
Jasmine The Greyhound!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jasmine.html
Wild Kisses And Snuggles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildkisses.html
-<>-
>Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
-<>-
Don Rickles on Carson w/ Burt Reynolds 1973
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qofdWFv7m0U
Airline Security From the Carol Burnett Show (Full Sketch)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qspcQr-Y9_U
Puppy Rides Slide
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bLx03EVaz8
128,000 Dominoes Falling into past a journey around the world
2 Guinness World Records) YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLRjiiAawGg
25 Mind Blowing Hidden Rooms and Secret Furniture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QDXfgbKKf0
Animals Can Be Jerks Compilation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tussa6KKCZU
The 100 Best Superhero Movies of All Time
Right on the heels of the theatrical release of DC's 'Wonder Woman',
PASTE.com has compiled a list of the 100 Best Superhero Movies of All
Time; and number one is right on the money!
https://tinyurl.com/ybm3ke5w
Llama In Your Face
From AddictingGames.com: "The trampoline is not for sharing! This llama
is going to keep two-legged pests out of his space: with spit! Splat
your many enemies with globs of sticky, green, half-chewed nasty." I
know it sounds gross, but it's quite a bit of fun.
http://www.addictinggames.com/funny-games/llama-in-your-face-game.jsp
Aliens in a Box
From Addicting Games.com: Aliens like to travel, but some are cheap. So
they ship themselves by Galactic Parcel Service! Use your mighty powers
of gravity to drop the little green dudes into the box. Speed counts,
because these aliens absolutely, positively need to be there overnight.
Serious.
http://www.addictinggames.com/puzzle-games/aliens-in-a-box-game.jsp
Exploding Actresses
Ready to stunt your productivity? Check out this page a witness the
heads of various actresses (and some actors) cartoonishly exploding for
no apparent reason. Who comes up with this stuff?
http://explodingactresses.tumblr.com/
-<>-
>From Our Friend Fran :)
Swat It!
http://unix.rulez.org/%7Ecalver/funny/swf/kill.swf
---
...Oh Gee! I'm not so good at this! Thanks Fran!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
An older one but still one of my favorite videos and have sent it
before..
A flashmob near the Red Square in Moscow to the music of "Puttin' on the
Ritz" - a popular song written and published in 1929 by Irving Berlin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgoapkOo4vg
---
..One of my favs! Thanks LouiseAu!
I used the song for my poem here cause it went with Garfield...
I Need A Hug!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/hug.html
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Fantasy Football began tonight. It's a fun way for people
who are bad at real sports to realize that they're also
bad at imaginary sports." -Jimmy Fallon
"Thousands of bugs have been stolen from the Philadelphia
Insectarium. Thieves made off with more than 7,000 bugs,
including millipedes, rhinoceros roaches and venomous
spiders valued at more than $40,000. I get why people
steal, but what's the plan after a theft like this? You
walk around the street going, 'Wanna buy some bugs?'"
-Jimmy Kimmel
"According to another study, chocolate chip cookie addiction
shares many similarities with cocaine addiction. Researchers
say sugar can give you some of the same cravings that
cocaine can give. And I say, it is actually worse for you.
Like, believe me, try getting an entire chocolate chip cookie
up your nose." -James Corden
"Did you hear about the college student in Canada who
emailed everyone at his school named Nicole, Nicky,
Nicolette, and Nik trying to find the woman he met at a
bar. Meanwhile the actual woman was like, 'Phew! Thank
God I gave him a fake name!'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms
of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from
social media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook.
I update my high school yearbook manually, with a pen."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"It was announced today the most common vegetable that
toddlers eat is French fries. Or as my brain processed
this story: A study has confirmed that French fries are
a vegetable. I ate two plates of vegetables today. I'm
joking. You cannot just eat French fries. You have got to
eat other vegetables. You know; onion rings, loaded potato
skins, carrot cake." -James Corden
"Recently passengers on a United Airlines flight from
Scotland to New Jersey got a bit of a shock when the pilot
came out of the cockpit, changed out of his uniform, and
fell asleep in a first-class seat. The only way this could
have been more concerning for the passengers is if the
pilot also had an emotional support dog." -James Corden
"A man in Florida has been arrested for stealing over $5
million from his job at a local credit union to produce
movies. He apparently got caught after the release of his
new documentary, 'How I Stole $5 Million From My Local
Credit Union.'" -Seth Meyers
"A math blogger says he's figured out 'the world's favorite
number.' It turns out that it's 7. The least popular
number? The fake phone number you get when you tell a girl
you're a math blogger." -Jimmy Fallon
"There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the
streets?"
--Dick Cavett
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
--Joan Rivers
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will
choose your rest home."
--Phyllis Diller
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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