Computer Humor And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first meltdown is from our friend Geniann. One of those you wouldn't believe without seeing! Absolutely fortunate the photographer was able to catch it on camera for all of us to witness too! Check out this unique story: \;,._ _,,- \`;, `-._ _..--'''```--.._ __.-',;( \ `;, `:. , ;. . :' .;` / ; `;;, .: :. ,;;` / \ ';/ \:: : . ::/ \;` ; ).' __.._` '_..__ `./ /< \\ /I`, ,'I\ // > /\ `;-7/_\ -- /_\7-;' /\ //. `"':" ;; ":`"' /\ |/ . .:' __..__ `. \| /\|: ./. `=_ _=' .\ |/\ /:(/::. \/ .::\) / ////=-v-'`-v-=\\\\ fL ///`Nx_\;;/_xN'\\\ / / `"w==w"' \ \ / \ Bobcat On A Cactus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html --- ...Such a beautiful cat! Thank You Geniann! This next too hot to handle one comes from our friend KarenF. It just amazes me the imagination and talent that goes on with groomers at these dog shows! Check out some of the most extreme winners! ____ ,-'-, `---._ _______(0} `, , ` , ) V ; ` , ` ( ,'~~~~~~`, `.____,- ' (, ` , ) :`,-'""`. "; `-------._); , ` `, \;: )``: ) ) ; ` ,, : `` : '; ( (`;: ; ` ;:\ ;;;, (: )``;:;;)`'`'`--. _____ ____ _,-';;` :` )`;)`)`' : "~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~`--',.;;;' `--;~~~~~ ` , ", """, " " "` ",, \ ;`` ( ; , ` ; `; ; (; ; ; ` ,` ` : (; / ; ; ` ; ; : ;(_; ; : ; ; `; ;` ; ; ,,,""";} `; : `; `; ` : ` `,,;,'''' );;`); ; ;' :; ; : ``'`' (;` :( ; , ; |, `;; ,`` `)`; `(; ` `; ; ;; ``: `).:` \;, `. ,-' ;`;;:;` ;;'`;; `) ) ~~~,-`;`;," ~~~~~ ,-' ; Targon """""" `""""" Extreme Dog Grooming! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doggrooming.html --- ...Wow! What transformation these dogs take! Thank You KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Trouble With The Wife .-""""""""""-. A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. |`-.________.-'| On his face was the saddest hangdog | | expression. The bartender asked, /| _____|_ "What's the matter? Are you having | '. / \ \ troubles with your wife?" | _\ ~^~^\__/____/ | / | / \ \ The man said, "We had a fight, and \.\__/ 0 \__/______/ she told me that she wasn't going to ; o / \ \ speak to me for a month." \ o \__/____/ \ O / \ \ The bartender said, "That should make \o \__/___.' you happy." \ o / \ 0 / The man said, "No, the month is up |'`| today!" jgs ___| |___ /__________\ ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 15 is National Tapioca Pudding Day and Respect Canada Day July 16 is International Juggling Day July 17 is National Peach Ice Cream Day July 18 is National Ice Cream Day and National Caviar Day July 19 is Flitch Day July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day July 21 is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ _ _(,_/ \ \____________ SMILES |`. \_@_@ `. ,' |\ \ . `-,-' || | `-.____,-' || / / |/ | | `.. / \ \\ / | || | \ hh \\ /-. | ||/ /_ | \(_____)-'_) >Shirt Size? While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck." -<>- >Survey A marketing type managed to corner me at the mall and was asking a series of survey questions: "Which shaving cream do you use?" "Baba's." The interviewer dutifully recorded my answer and proceeded with the next question. "Which aftershave do you use?" "Baba's." "Which deodorant do you use?" "Baba's." "Which toothpaste do you use?" "Baba's." "Which shampoo do you use?" "Baba's." "Which soap do you use?" "Baba's." "Thank you. I have one final question: tell me please, What is Baba's? Is it a foreign company?" "No, Baba is my roommate." -<>- >Term Paper One of my classmates struggled to complete a major term paper on time. He had selected a topic that required considerable background research, and he was running out of time to present the results in a polished form. When he finally turned his paper in, past the deadline, it was diffuse and longer than the number of pages assigned. "Why did you write such a long paper?" asked the professor. "Because I didn't have enough time to write a short one," the student replied. -<>- >The Water Hole A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull the car out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground, he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud day and night." "Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole." -<>- >White Suit When the pastor of a conservative small-town congregation received the gift of a white suit from a friend, he was a bit reluctant to wear it. But since it was so attractive and a perfect fit, he decided to put it on one warm Sunday. As he was leaving for church, he asked his wife, "What do you think of this suit?" After giving him the once-over, she replied, "It depends. Are you going to preach or sell chicken?" ======================================================= >-->From our Friend LouiseA :) _ ( \ ,---. `.)-. _,-(_ ' `./,-.) I didn't See That! ,--'-. (_(_)' `. ( ) \ |`-.,-' \ \ | \ \ ^. | | \ \ | \ \ | | | | / \ | |,. | | /') | _/ \ ,-- | /) hh (\ ( `` | .-(___ )__) `-`-\((__)--///...---' This is from an actual trial in the UK. A young Woman who was several months Pregnant was sitting in a Bus. When she noticed a young Man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her Seat and He seemed more amused. She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more, She filed a Court case on him. In the Court the Man's defense was; When the Lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read; "Coming Soon- The Unknown boon"...... I was even more amused when she then sat under a Shaving advertisement, which read: "William's stick did the trick" Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read; "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident" The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing!! --- ...LOL! Thanks LousieA! -<>- >Political Quotes "We hang petty thieves and appoint the great thieves to public office." ~ Aesop "Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber." ~ Plato "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river." ~ Nikita Khrushchev "When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it." ~ Clarence Darrow "Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel." ~ John Quinton "Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer "I offered my opponents a deal: if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them." ~ Adlai Stevenson "A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country." ~ Texas Guinan "I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians." ~ Charles de Gaulle "Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks." ~ Doug Larson "I am reminded of a joke: What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution. What happens if ALL of them drown? That is the solution." ~ Author Unknown --- ...Great Ones! Thanks louiseA! -<>- ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' >Smiles Today I had to go to Sears. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!" Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! "Oh, I'm sorry" I said. "I saw your Obama bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder." She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me before she drove away. Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out! ------------ A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident. The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches." "What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer. "Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter. ------------ A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, in the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel." "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents." "The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37." "Then my wife's father died and left us 15 million dollars." ------------ A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid, and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son." Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit." "Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant. "Yeah, You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?" ------------ >Two Hunters one moose Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the wilderness of Canadian to bag moose. As the seaplane landed on the lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in exactly one week to pick you up. But remember - only one moose, please." When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose. "I told you guys only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's no way the plane can take off with that much weight!" "Aw, you're just a chicken pilot," one of the hunters said. "We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn't afraid to take off." Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, the pilot reconsidered. "All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try." They loaded up the plane and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his takeoff. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees. Some time later, the hunters regained consciousness. "Where are we?" one asked. His friend looked around at the scattered debris, then back at the edge of the lake and replied, "Oh, I'd say about a hundred yards farther than last year." ------------ Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs , Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do. The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and school teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and voted for Obama." ----------- Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!' 'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said..... "From all of us at the Fire Station"! --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) _"_ % (< ? ` " __||___ |\___//_\ (' | ') \\ __|\ , / |/ /: / \ :: \| ######o /| ######## \) ######## \ : / \: / -- %%% %% % /:\ Ever Notice How All Of Women's Problems Start With MEN? MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause GUYnocologist and When we have REAL trouble it's a HISterectomy --- ...A good one! Thanks Jo Ann! We have that here... Ladies Unleashed! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _ _ / )%.===.%( \ | // ,,, \\ | \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) / /o o\ \ )( _ )( (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) My husband and I work different shifts and try to schedule appointments so that one of us will be home to care for the children. Recently I left him this note: "I have a doctor's appointment Thursday at 11. The kids are yours." The next morning I found this reply from my brown-eyed spouse: "I'm so relieved. Their blue eyes had me wondering all these years!" --- ...TeeHee! DNA Has smashed that notion! Thanks Geniann! -<>- [An Et-ahem!] Katie Couric and Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them he would grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets. Katie Couric said, "Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of Draper Valley fried chicken." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with chicken. Couric ate it all and said, "Now I can die content." Brian Williams said, "I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, "Now I can die happy." The leader turned and asked, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the butt," said the Marine. "I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the butt," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the butt. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists, killing another 11. In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Couric and Williams, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you in the butt?" "What?" replied the Marine, "and have you two report that I was the aggressor?" --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! -<>- _.(-)._ .' '. / \ |'-...___...-'| \ '=' / `'._____.'` / | \ /.--'|'--.\ []/'-.__|__.-'\[] | jgs [] >BBQ Rules - Standard Operating Procedures released today please learn We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine... (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. Here comes the important part: (5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. More routine... (6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery. (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat Important again: (8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine... (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most important of all: (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women. ------------ Ole decided to buy Lena a new car for her birthday. They shopped and shopped. Finally, Lena found one she liked. But before signing the papers, Lena looked at the car one more time. Suddenly, she bristled and walked away, saying she didn't want the car. She wouldn't even talk about it. On the way home, Ole said, "Vell, Lena, I tot yew liked dat car. Vat changed yer mind about it? "Ole, I yust don't vant any car vit XL on it," Lena answered. "It's bad enuff having dat on my undervear." ------------ I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!" So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver. --- ...Oh for goodness sake! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From our friend PatDeE :) >Interesting viewpoint A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men. B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies. D. In three generations, there will be no Democrats. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! Yes - it is JUST A JOKE people! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friends KarenF and Geniann :) A lot of people have their blinders on. http://www.youtube.com/embed/6Zy297Xgr8Q --- ...Thanks Ladies! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Chinese GM? http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Lvl5Gan69Wo --- ...Sad! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) This dummy knows his stuff Before you watch it, do you know the answer to the question "What is the Third Amendment? If not, you'll find out. http://www.youtube.com/embed/F584p5kJL-U?rel=0 --- ...Most educational! Thanks KarenF! Reminded me of our first voice synthesizer! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Ocean's Eleven they're not, but this diabolical duo came up with a plan just as clever. It seems a Tennessee homeowner was distracted by a naked woman swimming in is backyard pool. The 54-year-old man told police that a man and woman who lived nearly approached his home to talk to him. During the conversation the man excused himself to go back home and retrieve cigarettes. Alone with the victim, the woman asked him about his pool, and if she could take a swim. He told the woman it would be OK and led her to the rear of his house where the pool is located. The woman then asked if it would bother him if she swam in the nude, and he replied that it would not. She proceeded to take off her clothes and jumped into the pool, swimming for about 20 minutes. The home owner retrieved a towel from inside his home, the woman dried off, dressed and left. It was at that point he re-entered his home to discover that he had been robbed of a handgun, jewelry and medication. The loss was placed at $1,195. While the two suspects have been identified, they have not been found by police for questioning. *-- Man catches 2,011 fish in 24 hours, not enough to beat world record --* LAGRANGE, Ill. - A LaGrange, Ill., fisherman missed the world record for fish-catching in a 24-hour period, catching only 2,011, but says he'll be back for another try. Johnny Wilkins, 46, proprietor of a fishing school, spent Friday and Saturday at a local pond, attempting to beat the mark of 2,649 fish caught by a Minnesota man in 2011. Wilkins caught and released bass, bluegills, carp and shiners, but came up 638 shy of the record, certified by Guinness World Records, the Chicago Tribune reported Tuesday. Perched on a rock ledge with a rod and a tiny, Japanese-made hook, and working to catch, on average, 1.8 fish per minute, Wilkins said he "kind of fished harder. I really had to work for every single fish." He added he intends to turn the fishing marathon into an annual event. *-- Police: Alleged burglar fell asleep on victim's couch --* LADY LAKE, Fla. - Florida authorities said they arrested a burglary suspect found sleeping on the victim's couch with stolen jewelry in his pocket. Lady Lake police said a homeowner walked into the Lady Lake home's living room Sunday to find Domonique Pinkard, 21, sleeping on the couch, the Orlando Sentinel reported Tuesday. "I've never broken into a home... But I don't think I would be able to fall asleep," police Chief Chris McKinstry said. "He [Pinkard] feels pretty comfortable in others' surround- ings." Investigators said Pinkard and Julian Evangelist, 20, forced a back door to the home open around 7:30 a.m. and Pinkard fell asleep on the couch while Evangelist was absconding with a TV. "Evangelist apparently chose not to wake Pinkard, but left with the victim's TV instead. Pinkard awoke to police arresting him," McKinstry said. McKinstry said Pinkard had some of the homeowner's jewelry in his pockets and he led them to Evangelist, who was found to be in possession of the remaining stolen property at his nearby home. The men were charged with burglary and larceny grand theft. They were taken to the Lake County Jail. *-- Topless woman asked to leave New York restaurant --* NEW YORK - The owner of a New York restaurant said he had to tell a woman to leave for taking her top off at a table, but he doesn't see the incident as very strange. Labinot Baraliu, owner of Verso in Manhattan's East Village neighborhood, said the woman came in with a male customer just after 9:30 p.m. Sunday and she was nude from the waist up by the time an employee brought them their water, the New York Daily News reported Wednesday. Baraliu said he quickly told the pair to leave. "I said to her, 'I'm sorry, Ma'am, you have to put your shirt back on.' She says it's legal to take her shirt off in New York -- but not in my business," the owner said. Baraliu said the man started taking pictures, but the two finally left when he threatened to smash the camera. Baraliu said he wasn't surprised by the incident. "This is the East Village. What do you expect? People are weird," he said. ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` >SENIOR QUIZ Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active! 1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. ...What was the third child's name? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers....What does he weigh? 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, ...what was the highest mountain in the world? 4. How much dirt is there in a hole ...that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 5. What word in the English Language ...is always spelled incorrectly? 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. ....How is this possible? 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg... Why not? 8. What was the President'S Name...in 1975? 9. If you were running a race, ...and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 10. Which is correct to say,... "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, ....how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Here are the Answers 1. Johnny'S mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? Answer: Johnny of course 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? Answer: Meat. 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [ You're not very good at this are you?] 4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole. 5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly? Answer: Incorrectly 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures. 8. What was the President's Name in 1975? Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...] 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first. 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh] 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 1) You can't count your hair. 2) You can't wash your eyes with soap. 3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out. Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person. Ten (10) Things I know about you. 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too. 10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it. --- ...Always a great memory jogger! LOL! Thanks Linda! ============================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb >Differences between men and women 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale. 4. BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 5. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument. 6.CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 7. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 8. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 9. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 10. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. -<>- Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me." -<>- `\|/' .---------------. ,'Y`. _( To think.... )_________ )|._.|( ( Doesn't that involve little ) /(___)\ ""( little lightbulbs over )" ( ) ""( My head ??? )""""""" `..-.,' """"""""""""" |"| .--' `--. Ojo >Think About It! * Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places. * Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it. * Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. * Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors. * Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life. * The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. * When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom. * Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. * The real reason you can't take it with you is that it goes before you do. * Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it. * Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. * A closed mouth gathers no feet. * A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on. * A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday with a television on the blink. * The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them. * Money isn't everything....there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks. -<>- My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured him that he would prompt him. All went well until, at the close, the undertaker whispered to him to instruct the family to come up and view the body. "Will the family now come forward and pass around the bier," said my father. He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later, as my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery workers talking. "I didn't get any beer," one said. "Did you?" "You heard the chaplain," the other replied. "It was just for the family." -<>- While in the checkout line at my local hardware store I overheard one man say to another, "My wife has been after me to paint our shed. But I let it go for so long she got mad and did it herself." His friend nodded. "I like women who get mad like that." -<>- After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow, Mom, you smell just like Froot Loops!" ======================================================= >-->From The MouthPiece: ) ) (( ( ( )) ) ) ) // ( _ ( __ ( ~->> ,-----' |__,_~~___<'__`)-~__--__-~->> < | // : | -__ ~__ o)____)),__ - '> >- > | // : |- \_ \ -\_\ -\ \ \ ~\_ \ ->> - , >> | // : |_~_\ -\__\ \~'\ \ \, \__ . -<- >> `-----._| ` -__`-- - ~~ -- ` --~> > _/___\_ //)_`// | ||] ________ _____[_______]_[~~-_ (.L_/ || _________( )____ [____________________]' `\_,/'/ O ( _ )_ ||| / ||| ,___,'./ _ (_ \ \/ / |_| / \ /\ || _) ||| \ |||,'______| (_) (_ \/\/ | | \_/ /--\ .. ) ||| / /|| I==|| (______ ________) ||| \ __/_|| __||__ (_________) -----||-/------`-._/||-o--o---o--- >Signs It's Way Too Hot * The pizza you ordered is actually the same temperature that it came out of the oven when the delivery guy FINALLY gets it to your door. * The water in your swimming pool can be used to cook vegetables. * Cows give homogenized milk right there at the Dairy. * Chickens lay hard boiled eggs. * You can cook a full meal in your crock pot without ever plugging it in. * The frozen pork loin you bought at the grocery on special is fully cooked by the time you get home and you only live a two minute drive from the store. * The squash in your garden are fully cooked when you pick them. * "Ice Cube" forced to change his name to "Wet Spot." * Too late, you realize that killing someone for a Slurpee is probably a crime. * Al Gore takes credit for inventing air conditioning. * You shaved ten minutes off the morning commute by cooking breakfast on your dashboard on the way in. * Your kids are toasting marshmallows -- by sticking them out the window. * Water comes out of the "cold" faucet at the same tempera- ture as the "hot" faucet. -<>- ) ( ( ( ) ( )) ( )// _ ) )) __ ,-----' | (( <'__`) ________________ | // : | ) #o)#: )) ,' `. | // : | )/ \###' ____/ Maybe it's best \ | // : | ,###. `-._ to stay out of this, | `-----._| __ ####### \ though! / _/___\_ //)_`// | ||] `.________________,' _____[_______]_[~~-_ (.L_/ || [____________________]' `\_,/'/ ||| / ||| ,___,'./ ||| \ |||,'______| ||| / /|| I==|| ||| \ __/_|| __||__ -----||-/------`-._/||-o--o---o--- ~~~~~' >Some Computer Humor Q: What does a baby computer call his father? A: Data. Q: What happened when the computer fell on the floor? A: It slipped a disk. Q: Why was there a bug in the computer? A: It was looking for a byte to eat. Q: What is a computer virus? A: A terminal illness. My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI. >>>>> -------- The information went data way --------> BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding C:> Bad, bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner! Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) C:> File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. Who's General Failure, & why's he reading my disk? Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down. To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer. =========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Dog Days Of Summer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogdays.html Koala's In A Heatwave! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html Ricochet The Surf Dog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html Extreme Camping! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.htm Newborn Moose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moose.html Old US City Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uscities.html -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Sit back and enjoy! This is a stunning high definition video of the Birds of Paradise in New Guinea! Birds you’ve probably never seen... https://www.youtube.com/embed/REP4S0uqEOc --- ...Aww, very nice! Thanks KarenF! What Happens When A Washcloth is Wrung in Space? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMtXfwk7PXg --- ...Great! Not expected! Thanks KarenF! Get ready to clap your hand and tap your feet. Enjoy. Bavarian Flash Mob in Munich http://www.flixxy.com/bavarian-flash-mob-in-munich.htm#.UWBhjnCWeqM --- ...Most Fun! Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Billy Graham Evangelistic Association: Pray For Our Nation http://tinyurl.com/oo2j7x4 Prairie Dog Wants to Hug a Cat Really Really Badly - Cute Video Prairie-Dog-Wants-to-Hug-a-Cat-Really-Really-Badly-1591.html http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WLDGDGNX The Story of Ian and Larissa Shows Unbelievable True Love - Inspir --- ...Sweet Ones! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they are talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" -Jay Leno "A recent study says the state that drinks the most beer is North Dakota. In fact, one night North Dakota got so drunk, it woke up next to West Virginia." -Conan O'Brien "George Clooney broke up with his girlfriend. He released a statement saying that yes, it's true that they're breaking up. George said he would like to spend more time with his next girlfriend." -David Letterman "A funeral home in Virginia added a drive-thru. Now you can pay loved ones the same kind of respect you'd pay an Egg McMuffin. It's a great way to say I care but not enough to get out of my car." -Jimmy Kimmel "President Obama is getting a new limousine that will have advanced night-vision capabilities. The technology even has a cool name - headlights." -Jimmy Fallon "A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversation- alist is one who talks to you about yourself." -Lisa Kirk "I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down." --Mitch Hedberg "At the end of our first date the girl told me I was crazy in the head and I should be committed to a mental institution. Why do women always want us to make a commitment?" -Unknown "Mexico has replaced the U.S. as the world's fattest nation. The U.S. is now number two. The Mexican government has done a lot of research. It turns out their people eat way too much Mexican food." -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************