Confucious Did Not Say... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This scorcher comes from our friends Linda, LouiseA, and Karen! It is absolutely amazing to me how these artists can do this! Check this out here: .---. .--. ___/ \ / `.-"" `-, ; ; / O O \ / `. \ /-' _ J-.__; _.' (" / `. -=: `: `, -=| | F\ i, ; -| | | | || \_J fsc mmm! `mmM Mmm' Origami Animal Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origamiart.html --- ...Simply stunning! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Let's Play It Where It Lies [] [] Two longtime golfing buddies got to the course one day [] and decided that today they would play the ball where || it lies... "No matter what!" || || On the 14th hole, one of them sliced his ball and it || ended up on the cart path. As he reached down to pick || up his ball to get relief, his friend said, "Wait a || minute! We agreed that we would not improve our lies! || Remember? No matter what!" || |'-----. .-. The first player tried to explain that he \______/ (jgs) was entitled to this relief -- that it was '-' in the rules of golf. But the second fellow would not allow it. Finally, in disgust, As he stood near the man went to the cart and grabbed a his ball, he took club. a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement and sending out showers of sparks. Finally, he took his shot. The club hit the cement again, sparks went flying, but his ball shot straight towards the green, landed and rolled to a stop -- two inches from the cup. "Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?" The man answered with a wry smile, "Your 7-iron!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 14 is Pandemonium Day and National Nude Day July 15 is Tapioca Pudding Day and Cow Appreciation Day July 16 is Fresh Spinach Day July 17 is Peach Ice Cream Day and Yellow Pig Day July 18 is National Caviar Day July 19 is National Raspberry Cake Day July 20 is National Lollipop Day and Moon Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .---. .---. ( -o- )---( -o- ) ;-...-` `-...-; / \ / \ | /_ _\ | \`'.`'"--.....--"'`.'`/ \ '. `._.` .' / _.-''. `-.,___,.-` .''-._ `--._ `'-._______.-'` _.--` jgs / \ /.-'`\ .'. /`'-.\ ` '.' '.' ` >Rescue Effort The crew of a fast frigate was practicing the man overboard drill by "rescuing" a bright orange fluorescent dummy they named "Oscar." The captain watched as a young lieutenant nervously stopped the ship, turned it and maneuvered into place. Unfortunately, he ran right over Oscar. Surveying the remains of Oscar scattered around the ship, the captain told the lieutenant, "Son, do me a favor. If I ever fall overboard, just drop anchor and I'll swim to you." -<>- >School Bus A fourth-grader came into the school office and told the secretary that she had missed her bus, Bus 6. After checking schedules with the teacher on bus duty, the secretary confirmed that the girl did indeed miss her bus. "But don't worry," she told the child. "We'll call your mother." "No, you won't," the girl calmly replied. "She's driving Bus 6." -<>- >Speeding Ticket When asked by a young patrol officer, "Do you know you were speeding?" this 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by stating, "Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going!" -<>- >Umbrella The counselor was helping the kids put their stuff away on the first day of summer camp. He was surprised to see that one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked him, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Didn't you ever have a mother?" -<>- >The Will Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: "My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." "My daughter, Sybil, you to take the apartments over in the east end." "My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river." The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property". Sarah replies, "Property? .... the jerk had a paper route!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >Smiles Truth Or Dare Me To Slap Ya! ,' .-----. ,' - - `. _ _____/

\_____ _ /_|| ||`-._____.-`|| ||-\ / _||===|| ||===|| _\ |- _||===||===========||===||- _| \___||___||___________||___||___/ \\|/// \_:_:_:_:_:_/ \\\|// | _| |_________| | _| | _| /( ======= )\ | _| \\||// /\ `-.___.-' /\ \\||// (o ) /_ '._______.' _\ ( o) /__/ \ | _| |_ _| / \__\ ///\_/ |_ _| | _| \_/\\\ ///\\_\ \ _/ \ _/ /_//\\\ \\|//_/ ///|\\\ ///|\\\ \_\\|// \\\|/// \\\|/// /- _\\ // _\ | _|| ||- _| ,/\____|| || ___/\, /|\___`\,| |,/'___/|\ |||`.\\ \\ // //,'||| \\\\_//_// \\_\\_//// LGB/fsc A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching movies with topless women." Dad says, "What? At your age I would never have done anything like that." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother. -------- John pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!" "What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired. "Last week," John explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by, she'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, `My old man's home! My old man's home!'" -------- The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat in the morning..." ------- Did you know that Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage? He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. -------- Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals! Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question? Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone. -------- "No," the second guy says. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says. "Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?" "See what?" the second guy asks. "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there." "Oh." A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?" By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!" And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?" -------- Look at this mess!" roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut. "It's just as you ordered it, sir," the waitress replied meekly. "You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it." ------- . .:::. .:::::::. V^V^V^V^V^V (| ^ ^ |) | (_) | `//=\\' (((())) )))(( (()))) ))(( (() jgs )) ( >CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY... Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly. Lady who goes camping must beware of evil in-tent. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nut. Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion. Man who runs in front of car gets tired, Man who runs behind car gets exhausted. Man who eats many prunes get good run for money. War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it. Man who drives like heck is bound to get there. Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. . .:::. .:::::::. V^V^V^V^V^V (| ^ ^ |) | (_) | `//=\\' (((())) )))(( (()))) ))(( (() jgs )) ( Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ... "A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!" --- ...LMAO! Hilarious! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Certain athletes and competitors assume certain risks when they compete for the "love of the game". Football players know there is a possibility that they will break their necks when they tackle each other head first. Boxers know they might get brain damage when they let large men punch them in the head for a living. And alcoholic shark fishermen know they might get bitten in half above the waist when they go after 25-foot great whites - 3 tons of him. So it's hard to think of the subject of today's story as a victim. He did, however, pay the ultimate price for doing what he loved. What should have been a fun way to kick off the Fourth of July weekend quickly turned tragic for the South Dakota man who choked to death while eating hot dogs during a competitive eating contest. The crowd was stunned when one of six contestants - Walter Eagle Tail, 47 - began to choke on the fatal weenie. Paramedics who were called to his side tried in vain to save him. "There was someone doing CPR when we arrived," Custer County Sheriff Rick Wheeler said. "Basically, he probably just suffocated. It got lodged in his throat and they couldn't get it out." Eagle Tail's death put a damper on the festivities sponsored by the Custer Chamber of Commerce. Organizers cancelled a planned pie eating contest for the next day. Wheeler said he was not sure if the death will prompt organizers to make changes to the contest next year. Because you can't have men choking on weenies all over a small, close-knit community like that. Deaths during competitive eating contests have happened in the past. A Romanian man choked to death during a sausage- eating contest in 2013 in that country, and in 2012, a Florida man choked to death after eating dozens of live cockroaches during a contest. But whether it is swallowing weenies, sausages or cockroaches, those in the world of competitive eating say safety is always a top priority. *-- Man arrested for 'karate-kicking' police horse in Portland --* PORTLAND, Ore. (UPI) - An Oregon man didn't look a police horse in the mouth; he karate-kicked it in the thigh. Portland Police arrested Joseph Cruz and charged him with interfering with a law-enforcement animal after he allegedly attacked a police horse named Olin. Mounted Patrol Unit officers were patrolling near a Greyhound bus terminal when they stopped to speak to a group of people. While they were chatting, the 29-year-old allegedly ran up and attacked Olin, even though the animal outweighs him by about 1,000 pounds. Police say Cruz "yelled out a battle cry" and hit the horse "with a jumping, double kick to his right thigh," the Salem News reported. Neither Olin nor Cruz was hurt by the kick and it was unclear if the suspect was impaired by drugs or alcohol during the incident. Cruz also had a warrant out for his arrest. *-- Rifle pulled on man during dog poop misunderstanding --* SANTA FE, N.M. (UPI) -- A New Mexico man claims a Santa Fe police officer pulled a rifle on him during a really crappy case of mistaken identity. Artist Mateo Romero was cleaning dog poop out of the back of his SUV in a stranger's driveway and the homeowner got spooked. Maria Markus, 60, called police and reported a burglary in progress after blocking Romero in with her vehicle. "I tried to talk to her to explain that I was cleaning up dog poop," Romero told the Albuquerque Journal. "But she got all hysterical and I just backed away. I couldn't leave. It was crazy." According to a police report, the responding officer pulled out a rifle and detained Romero. After he was searched and it was determined that Romero didn't have any of Markus' property, he was released. "It appeared to be a misunderstanding," the police report said. "Mr. Romero was understanding and polite." "It's kind of embarrassing, but that's what happened," Romero told the Santa Fe New Mexican. Romero's paintings have been exhibited in Canada and throughout the United States. *-- Allegedly drunken Georgia man tells officer that dog drove to the store --* OCONEE COUNTY, Fla. (UPI) - A Georgia man who appeared to be "highly intoxicated" was arrested after allegedly telling an Oconee County officer that his dog drove him to the store so that he could purchase corn. According to the Oconee County Sheriff's Office Facebook page, Sgt. Partain responded to a call about a dog in a hot car. When Partain arrived on the scene, he encountered a canine in a locked vehicle that had a temperature which clocked in at 123 degrees when measured with a handheld thermometer. Partain also saw a can of gasoline inside the vehicle and said the smell was stifling. The car's driver, Wesley Terrell, allegedly told Partain that "the dog drove him to Bell's to buy some corn." The 60-year-old suspect was arrested and charged with animal cruelty and driving under the influence. Animal control took the dog into custody. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL.......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE! \\\\/// _."" ""._ .' '. / \ | .=~~= =~~=. | | .-''-.-''-. | | /_____|_____\ | .--' (o ) (o ) '--. / _ / \ _ \ | (_ / \ _) | \ | | / '--. \'--\ /--'/ .--' \ \ '-----' / / \ '. .--.--. .' / \ `'-----'` / '-. .-' jgs )'---'( >On Aging MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .. 'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK? 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN THE UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ARSED, GREY HAIRED, DECREPIT, GEEZER ASKED... 'OH, WHAT DID YOU TEACH?' --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- _ __________=__ \\@([____]_____() _/\|-[____] / /(( ) /____|'----' \____/ unknown >My Gun Is Evil Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Remington 30.06 right in the doorway. I left 6 cartridges beside it, then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of our house. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn't moved itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the hype by the Left and the Media about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world! The United States is 3rd in Murders throughout the World. But if you take out Chicago, Detroit, Washington DC and New Orleans, the United States is 4th from the bottom for Murders. These 4 Cities also have the strictest, toughest Gun Control Laws in the whole United States. It would be absurd to draw any conclusions from this data - right? Well, I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat. --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! , /( ___________ | >:===========` )( jgs "" I've read that hammers kill more people than guns do. Maybe we should have stricter hammer laws? I think any one can buy one at any hardware store or bargain store or even a garage sale or flee market! Maybe we should get tougher about it! What do you think? ________ ___,,,,,,, jgs [________>__________\ Oh - And how about those kitchen knives? HaHa! If we've learned anything, it is that evil will use whatever it can to do evil. Back in the day, they just used sticks and stones to kill. We can't ban everything and even if we could, they'd simply use their bare hands. .-=-. ////"\\ .=. ( 6 6 ) //"\\ \ - / (/6 6\) _.) (._ )\ = /(-` `:` `\ _(_ ) ( _)-| : |\ \ (_/ `\_/` \ | : |/ / / (_ @ _) \\_ : _/ / \ \)___(/ / |===|_) \/`"""`\/ | L | | | | | | | | | | | |_____| | | | ||| | | | ||| | | | ||| |_|_| jgs / Y \ / T \ `"`"` `"`"` Too many laws only restrict good people from protecting themselves. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ >I Can't Remember! Just a line to say I'm living, that I'm not among the dead, though I'm getting more forgetful and mixed up in the head. I got used to my arthritis, to my dentures I'm resigned, I can manage my bifocals tho it's not all that keen but God I miss my mind, For sometimes I can't remember, when I stand at the foot of the stairs, if I must go up for something, or have just come down from there. And before the fridge so often, my poor mind is filled with doubt, have I just put food away, or have I come to take some out? And there's the time when it is dark with my nightcap on my head, I don't know if I'm retiring, or just getting out of bed. So if it's my turn to write to you, there's no need for getting sore, I may think that I have written and don't want to be a bore. So, remember that I love you and wish that you were near but now it's nearly mail time so I must say good-bye dear, There I stand beside the mailbox with a face so very red, instead of mailing you my letter, I opened it instead! --- ...LOL! Thanks Karen! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, "Panty stitcher...I sew the elastic onto women's panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay. The second guy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor." "What skill?!" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic and...he pulls on it and says, "Yep, dese'll fit 'er." -<>- A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her a smile and says, "I want a quickie." She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure you you're not going to get a quickie here!" "How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef to make an exception?" "He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress indignantly. "Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?" "I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly. A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE." -<>- When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied." -<>- A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet." -<>- An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "Yeah? So, what are the words?" -<>- Our armored car arrived earlier than usual, so my deposit wasn't quite ready. As the young man waited patiently for me to secure the bag, I said, "Sorry to hold you up." "Delay, delay," he corrected me. "We don't use that other phrase." -<>- A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game. He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of "silly mid-on," "fine-leg," "googly," "chinaman" and the like. At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, "That really is remarkable. And to think they do it all on horseback." -<>- My husband retired, and for the first time in over 40 years I had to think about preparing midday meals. Tired of it after several months, I said, "I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch." "Fair enough. From now on I'll make my own," he replied. A few weeks later he had to go downtown on business and invited me to join him afterwards. "We could have lunch at that Chinese place we both like," he suggested. I happily agreed. At the restaurant the next day we were seated, and the waiter came to take our order. My husband looked up, a twinkle in his eyes and said, "Separate checks, please..." -<>- A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: Seem to be or not seem to be.... \ ,,,,,, /e ''( (_ ` \ ___> \ / ,_\-.___ \_ / _)/ / \ | \ / ` _ | __\____/ / ' | / _ /______/ / _/ \,_____/o ( \__)/` \ / \__________/_/_ _/ \ \ )/ \ / / | /\ ( \_____/ ___/ \ \ _/ \ ______/_/___|_| ) \ / / o\ o\ / / /\ b'ger,,,'-----^--',,,,,,',,|_,,\_ ,,\/,, >Andy Says... Just Think About This! Things that make you go Hmmm.... Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? =================== "Instructions For Life" Never do business with people who knock on your door and say, "I just happened to be in the neighborhood." =================== Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. =================== How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. ==================== **" Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world." ==================== The virtues which keep this world sweet and the faithfulness which keeps it steadfast are chiefly those of the average man. ~~~~~~-- W. Russell Bowie -<>- `\|/' .---------------. ,'Y`. _( To think.... )_________ )|._.|( ( Doesn't that involve little ) /(___)\ ""( little lightbulbs over )" ( ) ""( My head ??? )""""""" `..-.,' """"""""""""" |"| .--' `--. Ojo >For all the men who like to send blonde jokes, Here's payback! Q: *How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A: Both of them. Q: *What is the difference between men and government bonds? A: The bonds mature. Q: *Why are blonde jokes so short? A: So men can remember them. Q: *How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A: We don't know; it has never happened. Q: *What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A: A widow. Q: *When do you care for a man's company? A: When he owns it. Q: *How do you get a man to do sit-ups? A: Put the remote control between his toes. Q: *What did God say after creating man? A: I can do better than that. Q: *What did God say after creating Eve? A: Practice makes perfect. -<>- ,N. _/__ \ If you eliminate all other possibilities -/o\_\ the one that remains, however unlikely, __\_-./ is the right answer. / / V \`U-. ()) /, > o < \ Elementary my dear Watson. <\.,.-._.-" [-\ o /__..-' |/_ ) ) _.-"| \o/ | \ o!0 `'-'-" Sherlock Holmes was sent to heaven to find Adam and Eve. He came back within a day and said he had found them. Watson: "How did you find them so quickly?" Sherlock: "Elementary, my dear Watson, they were the only ones that didn't have belly buttons!" -<>- >Rough Road The road by my house was in bad condition after a rough winter. Every day I dodged potholes on the way to work, so I was relieved to see a construction crew working on the road one morning. Later, on my way home, I noticed no improvement. But where the crew had been working stood a new, bright-yellow sign with the words "Rough Road." -<>- >A Final Tribute.... A member of the "mob" had recently died, and all of his close friends and associates had gathered at his funeral to pay tribute. It was customary for his closest friends to show their "respect" by putting some money into his casket. Ten of them stopped by to visit, and as each one did, he put a crisp $1000 bill into the casket. The last one stopped at the coffin, and some people noticed him putting something in and apparently taking something out as well. After the funeral service, one of the other friends asked him what he put in the casket. He replied: "Well, Joe was one of my closest and dearest friends. I didn't want to be shown up by all the others, so I put in a check for $20,000 and took back $10,000 in change." -<>- '\ ____' \ {) \ | \@ (_/ Rats! __) | `\/| (___-_) __| * * //| | (/ )/ -~-~-~-~-~-~"""""""""*""""""*"" ~-~-~-~""ejm97""""")/"""""(/"" >Gone Fishing With The Baby Sitter; A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." -<>- >GREAT Eyesight: I was walking past an old woman in the street when she said to me, "Son, can you see me across the street, if it`s not too much bother" So I courteously obliged, walked to the other side of the street and answered ... "Yes I can see you!!" -<>- ,=""=, c , _,{ /\ @ ) __ / ^~~^\ <=.,__/ '}= (_/ ,, ,,) \_ _>_/~ ~\_(/-\)'-,_,_,_,-'(_)-(_) -Naughty >Choosing A Name For Your Baby: One day a pregnant wife announced that she was going to start looking for names for her and her husbands unborn child. When the father had gotten home from work the mother held up a baby book and said that the name was going to be Ophella. The husband (who was quite witty) didn't like the name so he said,"That's a good name, it reminds me of this girl I dated in high school by that name." The next day the mother had changed the name to Sarah. -<>- >Budget Time: Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper." -<>- >Working??? For The Government: One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about half of them." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Big Baby Big Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs.html Big Baobab Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baobabtree.html Walk In The Woods! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woods.html Hong Kong's Noah's Ark! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark2.html World's Most Extreme Stairs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extremestairs.html Babies Firsts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyfirsts.html Funny Animal Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Fourth of July weekend in my hometown got off to an interesting start when this wall of dust nearly covered the city. This is no ordinary sandstorm. It looks more like something out of a movie, and you've really got to see it to believe it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wMNZimmNnMY Lost in the Fifties.....Another Time......Another Place. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jjj9VKKSV2g Selyna Bogino from Italy is practicing to break the world record of the longest and most difficult 5 balls routine ever. Wow! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSR3jhRjzfk&feature=player_embedded Alex & Anny Cadre Russe on the famous French television show of Patrick Sebastien “Le Plus Grand Cabaret Du Monde” (The World’s Greatest Cabaret). The strength, agility, and fortitude required to pull off this entertaining act is simply incredible. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sGdnpIRG9RU --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Thomas More http://www.thomasmore.org/ Taboola Article http://tinyurl.com/7cphnt3 Free Pro Life Graphics http://180baby.wordpress.com/ --- ...Most Interesting! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Congrats to Joey Chestnut. He won his eighth consecutive Hot Dog Eating Contest. Unfortunately, the win was over- shadowed when his rival, Johnny Hot Dog, won his ninth consecutive Chestnut Eating Contest." -Jimmy Fallon "It's a great day to be in Spain because today's the annual Running of the Bulls. The tradition started in the 1500s. Instead of saying it is too dangerous, they'd say 'You know, if we got drunk enough we could turn this into a festival.'" -Craig Ferguson "An 81-year-old woman in the U.K. went sky diving to help raise money for a local hospital. They didn't raise a lot of money, but they did get a new patient." -Seth Meyers "Over the weekend Starbucks announced a new program that will pay employees to take online classes at Arizona State. Said Starbucks employees, 'We already went there. That's why we work at Starbucks.'" -Seth Meyers "At the World Cup, the U.S. team defied all expectations. They took the dreaded Belgium into overtime. Unfortunately Belgium won it. It's hard to lose to a nation of pacifist chocolatiers." -Jimmy Kimmel "According to a new poll, 67 percent of television viewers say that they are sick of reality TV shows. The other 33 percent are currently on a reality TV show." --Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************