Confucius Day And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first hot sizzler is from our friend Bunni. Australia never ceases to amaze me! They have one of the world's most deadly birds there! Check out this scary big bird here... (\_ _/) _." '; .' "._ /( )h\ (/( )\ ctr___/ \|__ __|/ \__ Real ANGRY Birds! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angrybirds.html --- ...Wowsers! I think it likes to be ALONE! Thanks Bunni! This next super sizzling hottie is from our friend Karen. This will stun and amaze you especially if you are a fan of horses and art like I am! Check this one out here... (__ ,_) \_,-/ /__ )__, )/ _\_ / /d \ \ \__ / _.' / ( ' (,-,) | |_ |_, ,-.___|_ /_, / ) .__ ) \ \ \\`-..- \(`. \( \_\ `._ \`-,'`. `-. `' `-.__ \ `,' |-,._) ! ,') `-. ( ,-' ( ,-.) \ \ \ _/ \_ \_ |\_ \`-'._ ) ( ,'( / )/ __,','__/( gnv /__(^ 7..1" Western Scrap Metal Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/scrapmetalart.html --- ...This one left me flabbergasted! Awesome art! Thanks Karen! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Hiring A New Cashier .::::, {{{{{;}}}} The bank manager was in the final stages of {{{{/ `}}}}} hiring a cashier and was down to two final {}}}}} _ _| applicants -- one of which would get the job. {{(`--(./-\.) {| _\ | The first one interviewed was from a small | \ __ / college in upstate New York. A nice young man, | '.__/ but a bit timid. .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. Your hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called." Jim answered" I don't care ...Yim ... or Mr. Yonson." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 29 is Confucius Day September 30 is National Mud Pack Day October 1 is World Vegetarian Day October 2 is Name Your Car Day October 3 is Techies Day and World Smile Day October 4 is International Frugal Fun Day and National Golf Day October 5 is Do Something Nice Day ======================================================= A _,-' `-._ _-'_________`-_ ``---\_ _/---`` (_ - _) \_._/ 8 __H__ 8 \ | / 8 |\ | /| 8 _|_|||_|_8 `-,/ \,-'8. | | `8< | | |-,-| gnv'-'-' >-->Confucius Day Quotes And Smiles: Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get. The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of. If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. >On the lighter side... Confucius say: man who have last laugh, not get joke Confucius say: who eats photograph of his Dad is soon spitting image of his father. Confucius say: is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want. Confucius say: optimist is a man who hasn't had many experiences yet. Confucius say: man who live in glass house should change in basement. Confucius say: he who stick head in open window get pane in neck. Confucius say: never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal. Confucius say: he who sleep on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man. Confucius say: woman like dollar bill; hard to pickup, but worth effort. Confucius say: old grave digger is called an elderberry. Confucius say: Dalmatian can't play hide and seek, they are always spotted. Confucius say: smile is like tight underwear: it makes your cheeks go up. Confucius say: economy will go up and down when country is run by yo-yo's. Confucius say: many arguments have two sides, but no end. Confucius say: friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked. ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .--..-""""-..--. ///`/////////\`\\\ ||/ |///""\\\| \|| ## ( 6. 6 ) ## /_\ \ _. / /_\ _`) (`_ /` '--' `\ / _,,_ \ / /` `\ \ /\_/ / 6 6\ \_/\ \ \/\ Y /\/ / \ \/ `'U` \/ / \( \ / )/ |\_/ \_/| / ____ \ \ ( || ) / (__)||(__) | || | |__||__| jgs |==||==| /~`//~`/ / // / `""` `"` >Carrots At dinnertime, our three-year-old daughter was refusing to eat her carrots. She looked at her daddy strangely when he told her that carrots make you see better in the dark. She picked up a carrot and started to press it. "No, they don't," she said. "That's what a flashlight is for. See, this doesn't light up." -<>- >Duplicate Gift One week before Christmas, my wife and I discovered we'd each bought the same gift for each other: The Beatles' Number One CD. My wife suggested I return mine, but I suggested whoever paid the most for theirs should be the one to deal with the return. After she told me that she had paid $18.99, I said, "Well I paid only $16.99 so I guess you'll have to return yours." "How could you get me such a cheap gift?" she asked indignantly. -<>- >Kindergarten Grace, a five-year-old, returned from her first day in kindergarten. She waxed eloquent about her teacher. Grace's mother asked, "How old is your teacher?" Grace said, "I'm not sure. She's either an early lady or a late teenager!" -<>- >The Patio Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there." -<>- >Power Failure The minister was holding an evening service and shortly after he began his sermon, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers found candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then the minister re-entered the pulpit, shuffled his notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A young boy's voice called out from the back, "Right near the end!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' Leo and Sam exited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key, which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake, Leo asked, "Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it." "No, that won't work" answered Sam. "People will think we're trying to break in." So Leo suggested, "What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?" "No," said Sam. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger." "Well," sighed Leo, "we'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!" -------- A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker." -------- For my grandfather's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented. "It's my passport picture," he revealed. "Really?" I stared in complete amazement at my homebody grandpa. "Where did you ever go?" "Walgreens," he replied. ------- Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak. My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses. My daughter, "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end." My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river." The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." Sarah replies, "Property? .... the jerk had a paper route!" -------- When the pastor of a conservative small-town congregation received the gift of a white suit from a friend, he was a bit reluctant to wear it. But since it was so attractive and a perfect fit, he decided to put it on one warm Sunday. As he was leaving for church, he asked his wife what she thought of his attire. After giving him the once-over, she replied, "It depends. Are you going to preach or sell chicken?" -------- Trying to discover how good of a job my wife and I are doing at home schooling, I decided to quiz my eight-year-old daughter. I first asked her, "Who is the President of the United States?" "Barack Obama," she replied immediately. "O.K., good job." I said. "Who is our Vice President?" "Joe Biden," she said with confidence. Proud of how smart she was I decided to test her with a more difficult one. "Who is the Speaker of the House?" After several seconds of deep thought, she said with excitement, "Mommy!" -------- Jean had logged onto her Facebook account early in the evening on Valentine's Day. She posted, "As soon as I got home this afternoon, I received a big wet kiss from the one I love!" "That's so sweet!" Her friend Stephanie posted in reply, "What did he say afterward?" Jean answered, "He didn't say anything. He just kept kissing me until I gave him one of his favorite doggy treats." --- ...LOL! Good ones LouiseA - Thank You! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _, `(. )- `` )/, '\\ =/= ))) \\ < D/ \\ e_ / \\_ __\ \____ / 7// )/` /\ |(_/ ) (/ ( \ '_/\ \ \ ^\ /\ \__/ \______|<-_\ )_7___\ )_/ /` ( \ / \_ / '\/\ | / , | | | | | | * | | | * | | | * | ' | ``, | | | + + # |___/|___/ ___|/ ?____ /( )\ / | U ) \_ /^/ \^\ _/_'- /__/- /__ \_/_/ \_\ __b'ger__ >*HOW TO START A FIGHT* One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to make love?' 'No,' she answered. I then said,'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... _______________________________ My wife at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunk swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, he's my old boyfriend. He began drinking right after we split up years ago, and hasn't been sober since." "My gosh!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke my wife kept nagging me to get it fixed. But, I always had something else to take care of. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. I found her seated in the tall, unmowed grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ______________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Lots of dust." And then the fight started... ______________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ______________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for benefits. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left it at home. I told the woman I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver chest hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing naked, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect." That's when the fight began . . . ________________________________ I rear-ended a car this morning . . . the start of a really bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started? --- ...LOL! A classic! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb >Senior Wedding Planning Jacob, age 81 and Rebecca, age 80, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course, we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about suppositories?" Pharmacist: "You bet!" Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" Pharmacist: "We sure do." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "Adult diapers?" Pharmacist: "Sure." Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry." --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- * _| __ (__ Question _) | * jgs >Just thinking (conundrums) |..| ? ? c >| ? \'/ /><\ unknown A conundrum may be puzzling or confusing--but-- this makes REAL sense!!! "A gun is like a parachute. If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again." The definition of the word Conundrum is: something that is puzzling or confusing. Here are six Conundrums in the United States of America: 1.. America is capitalist and greedy - yet half of the population is subsidized. 2.. Half of the population is subsidized - yet they think they are victims. 3.. They think they are victims - yet their representatives run the government. 4.. Their representatives run the government - yet the poor keep getting poorer. 5.. The poor keep getting poorer - yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about. 6.. They have things that people in other countries only dream about - yet they want America to be more like those other countries. Think about it! And that, my friends, pretty much sums up the USA in the 21st Century. Makes you wonder who is doing the math. These three, short sentences tell you a lot about the direction of our current government and cultural environment: 1.. We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics. Funny how that works. And here's another one worth considering... 2.. Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money. But we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money? What's interesting is the first group "worked for" their money, but the second didn't. Think about it.....and Last but not least, 3.. Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, no pay raises for our military and cutting our army to a level lower than before WWII, but we are not stopping the payments or benefits to illegal aliens. Am I the only one missing something? --- ...Nope! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: I happen to know for a fact that turtles are not illegal in Canada (or the United States), so I am not sure what the advantage of smuggling them across the border might be... which is what makes this story particularly bizarre. It seems a Canadian was caught at the border with 51 live turtles stuffed down his pants. His is now facing charges in the U.S. over an alleged reptile smuggling operation. The U.S. federal court documents show officers with the Canada Border Services Agency intercepted Kai Xu as he attempted to cross into Windsor, Ont., from Detroit last month (apparently a hotbed of turtle smuggling). "During the secondary inspection, Xu was found to have 51 live turtles taped to his person," Kenneth Adams, a special agent with U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, stated in an affidavit. "Specifically, Xu had 41 turtles taped to his legs and 10 hidden between his legs." Canadian authorities seized the turtles, which included North American varieties such as eastern box turtles, red-eared sliders and diamondback terrapins - some of which sell for $800 each - and turned them over to American officials. And this isn't even the first time Xu has been caught with contraband reptiles. It is speculated that the cache was headed for China where turtles are apparently prized as food or pets. *-- Kansas dubs October 'Zombie Preparedness Month' --* TOPEKA, Kan. (UPI) - The Kansas of Division of Emergency Management said October will be "Zombie Preparedness Month" to help residents prepare for the undead and other disasters. The department said Gov. Sam Brownback will sign a proclamation Sept. 26 designating October as "Zombie Preparedness Month." Devan Tucking of the Kansas of Division of Emergency Management said the zombie theme is a means of encouraging Kansas residents to be ready for a number of potential real-life emergency scenarios. "If you're equipped to handle the zombie apocalypse then you're prepared for tornadoes, severe storms, fire and any other natural disaster Kansas usually faces," Tucking said. "This is a fun and low-stress way to get families involved, and past turnouts have proven it to be effective." Angee Morgan, deputy director of the division, said officials incorporated zombies into the public information campaign "because it is an engaging way to get people on board with emergency preparedness." Officials said members of the public will be encouraged to prepare home emergency kits with survival supplies to last at least three days and disaster-on-the-go packs will be free for the first 300 participants at a zombie preparedness event Oct. 25 at the Crestview Shelter House in Topeka. *-- Drunken churchgoer allegedly bathed in holy water --* HAMILTON, Ontario (UPI) - A Canadian man accused of drunkenly vandalizing a church and washing himself in holy water was arrested while shirtless on the ground, police said. Police said the man and a woman entered St. Mary's Roman Catholic Church in Hamilton, Ontario, and the visibly intoxicated couple made a drunken scene. Police said the couple loudly used profanity and the 26-year-old man washed himself in a large holy water bath before they were scolded by a female church member who was inside the building at the time. The couple left, but the man returned a short time later without a shirt, police said. He allegedly poured wine on a rag and unsuccessfully attempted to ignite it before throwing communion bread all over the facility and allegedly stealing a rosary. The man was again escorted out of the church by the female member, who called police. Officers found the man on the ground outside the church, shirtless and wearing the stolen rosary. Police said the man was "in an intoxicated state." The man was charged with mischief, arson, damage to property, two counts of failing to comply with his probation, theft and possession of stolen goods. *-- Chinese students get exam points when parents give blood --* JINHUA, China (UPI) - A Chinese county is offering high school entrance exam bonus points to students whose parents donate more than a gallon of blood. The Pujiang county government issued a directive this year stating the children of blood donors who reach the 1 gallon mark will receive a bonus point on their high school entrance exams, and the total goes up to two points for those whose parents donate 1.5 gallons and three points for children of 2-gallon donors. The Qianjiang Evening News said it would take about five years for an adult who donates blood twice a year to reach the 1 gallon mark. The county government is also offering blood donors incentives including reimbursement for medical bills, free rides on public transportation and cash payouts. The policy was publicized when a 28-year-old man on social media site Weibo celebrated reaching the 1 gallon mark. "Because of this policy, I [donated so much blood that I] have put my life at risk! [I] want to tell my future son: No worries with the high school entrance exams, Dad has already got you bonus marks!" the man posted. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __---__ ______ / ___\_ o O O _( )__ /====(_____\___---_ o _( )_ | \ (_ AI-YA!!!! ) | |@ (_ Shot _) \ ___ / (__ Again!__) \ __----____--_\____(____\_____/ (______) ==|__----____--______| / / \____/)_ / ______) / | | | _| | ______\______________|______ / * * \ /_____________*____*___________\ / * * \ /________________________________\ / * \ /__________________________________\ | | |________________________| | | |________________________| unknown (after W< ) I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs." -<>- My teenaged niece Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people behind you know what you're doing." Elizabeth turned to the students sitting in the backseat and announced, "I'm going left." -<>- One of my first assignments as a trainee in an auto-body shop was a car needing a new fender and some door repairs. I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner came to pick it up, he wasn't pleased. "What's wrong?" I asked. Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a host of other problems. He demanded an explanation. "The repairs were to the other side," I noted. -<>- A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead." -<>- After the pastor finished his sermon, he stayed at the doors and shook the people's hands as they went by, making sure to give a smile and a kind word to each one. By the time he finished, most of the people milling around in the church lobby had left except for a few. The pastor noticed in particular one elderly woman who was sitting on one of the hallway plush benches, nearly in tears, rocking back and forth. Concerned, the pastor walked over to her and heard her emit the words, "How long, Lord? How long?" Touched, he laid a hand on the white head. "Ma'am, God has heard you. I am sure that he will come through for you," he said soothingly. She looked up at him with a small smile and thanked him. Feeling that he had done a very good deed, he turned and was about to walk out the doors when one of the bathroom doors opened and someone came out. The pastor definitely had a feeling of chagrin when the old woman yelled, "Praise the Lord!" and ran inside. -<>- A man walks into a bar with a little salamander-looking creature in his hand. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it. "His name is Tiny," replies the man. "Why do you call him that?" asks the bartender. "Because he's my newt!" ========================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: ,=""=, c , _,{ /\ @ ) __ / ^~~^\ <=.,__/ '}= (_/ ,, ,,) \_ _>_/~ ~\_(/-\)'-,_,_,_,-'(_)-(_) -Naughty >The New Baby When my wife Diane came home from the hospital with our second baby, she hired Myrna, a live-in-nurse, to come along and help out for the first few weeks. Having read up on sibling rivalry, my wife watched our eighteen- month-old daugher Chelsey for signs of jealousy or insecurity. But Chelsey adored her little brother from the start. She loved to help Myrna feed and bathe the baby. She even offered to share her toys. Several weeks passed and the mother of my two children, convinced that Chelsey was suffering no ill effects. decided she could manage without a nurse. As she watched Myrna walk out to her car that last day, she heard an unmistakable cry of distress. "Myrna!" yelled Chelsey, running after her. "You forgot your baby!" -<>- >Black Coffee in a Clean Cup Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid into a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus. "No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee." "I'll have black coffee, too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back. "Two cups of black coffee," she announced, sternly. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?" -<>- | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ >HAPPY ENDINGS By Michael Segal You could hear a pin drop. Then, some sniffles in the mob of thousands. Eventually, after what appeared like an eternity, the crowd roared with applause as the ambulance took him away. His name is Kevin Everett and he was playing for the Buffalo Bills football team. He was hurt -- hurt very badly trying to make a tackle on a kickoff. The blow injured his spinal column causing a paralysis. He could not give the "thumbs up" to the crowd, no matter how hard he tried. Meanwhile, back home in a small town near Houston, Kevin's mother was watching the game in a sport's bar. Very few things in life are worse than watching your "baby" on television not being able to move. His fiancee was also near Houston washing her car. Soon she would find out the horrible news. Soon, everyone would find out the horrible news as the doctor reported in a TV news broadcast that Kevin was in critical condition -- his life was at risk, never mind the fact that he possibly might never again be able to walk. Luckily, Kevin's doctor who was in the ambulance with him, tried a new procedure to immediately cool his spinal column. Also, he was fortunate he had a neurosurgeon waiting for him at the trauma hospital. Slowly, and very slowly, he began making progress. Eventually, he was stable enough to be flown to The Institute for Rehabilitation and Research (TIRR), a rehabilitation hospital near his home in Houston. At TIRR he continued making great progress. He took his first steps there. Mind you, very few people who sustain that kind of injury are ever able to take a first step. But he did, and he continues to keep proving the experts wrong. When he appeared and walked on the Oprah show recently, he proved to have made a miraculous recovery. If you had not known him or his story, you would not have realized that he had an injury that almost cost him his life. Back at TIRR, many patients are obliged to learn to deal and cope with dramatic changes after those life altering experiences. A person, often, is simply thankful for the small things -- like being able to brush one's teeth, tying one's shoes, combing one's hair, etc. Quite often the small things in life are really huge. Often, it takes much time to deal with the many losses. However, with a positive attitude, support, as well as many other factors, life, after a spinal cord injury can be very successful. The proverb, "Be thankful for what you have and do not dwell on what you have lost" is a great attitude. The patients at TIRR realize this, and people everywhere should accept that proverb, since everyone in life experiences some kind of loss. That is the definition of being human. Kevin Everett and so many others are trying to show the world that life is not over when one sustains a major loss. In fact, perhaps, for many it is just beginning. Perhaps the reason Kevin Everett healed so miraculously was because of the care he received in the ambulance, or in the hospital, or in the rehab hospital, or because of his excellent conditioning, or because of his faith, or because of so many other reasons, or a combination of the above. Today, he is doing great and helping others. Many people, who have sustained a spinal cord injury, as well as those who have not, possess the desire to get better. For many, that equates to being more independent. People want to believe that getting better is possible. People enjoy stories with happy endings. And people want to be positive. Kevin Everett's story reminds us that sometimes there are happy endings. -- Michael Segal Shot in the head during a robbery, Michael Jordan Segal defied all odds by first surviving and then returning to college. He then earned two degrees with honors, married his high school sweetheart, Sharon, and became a father to their daughter Shawn. You can learn more about him by visiting his website at: http://www.inspirationbymike.com To subscribe send an e-mail to: Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) What Your GPS Won't Show You! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html Attitude Is Everything 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.html Pay It Forward http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html Sand Sculpture Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html Extreme Dog Grooming http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doggrooming.html Look Who's Talking 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html My Bulldog Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mydoglife.html Why God Gave Us Puppies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whypuppies.html Beautiful Butterflies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/butterflies.html Classic Woodies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcars.html Humor In Religion 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) He sent us ones we have here... Bucket List {sound up] http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist.html Beautiful Wolves http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolves.html --- ...Great ones! Love the video too! Thanks PatDeE! listen to this presentation by a 6 year old Hong Kong girl: You Raise Me Up! http://tinyurl.com/mczjy3v --- ...Stunning! Gives goosebumps! Sweet! Thanks PatDeE! This video is really funny ...enjoy* Cousin Sal Pranks Aunt Chippy at Ceramics Class https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxreQ6B_t6o --- ...Oh My! LMAO! This was too rich! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Disappearing roadblock prank http://www.wimp.com/roadblockprank/ --- ...LOL! Thanks Melody! President Obama under fire for coffee cup salute http://tinyurl.com/mr6vnb2 --- ...Wow. Thanks Melody! He should have put the cup in the other hand to salute an officer - duh! Cahnging of the shift https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10203825558349827&fref=nf --- ...Geesh! Tuff job! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Sometimes the simplest things can throw an animal for a loop. You'll love this cat's startled reaction when it sees itself in the mirror. Click here to watch a video that's blowing up online. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZ_YpOvRd3o&feature=player_embedded Two little boys decided to set a butterfly free into the wild. When they opened the cage, it went straight for one boy's nose. His reaction was priceless! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cJfSflPQKVg When it's nap time, these parents turn to their house cat. It has just the right touch to put their baby to sleep. You've got to see it to believe it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=REPX3_HrA7E --- ...TeeHee! Cute! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study found that artificial sweeteners in diet soda might actually increase some people's chances of obesity. Doctors recommend people just drink water, while people said, 'No. We're drinking diet soda. You guys figure it out.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A man scaled the White House fence and ran across the lawn to the front door. The White House has re-evaluated its security and today they announced they'll start locking the front door. They're also going to start asking who's there when someone knocks." -Conan O'Brien "It's a sad day as we hear that America's sweethearts - the Honey Boo Boos, Mama June and Sugar Bear - are separating. Apparently Mama June caught Sugar Bear cheating with other women. They were Betty Crocker, Mrs. Butterworth, Little Debbie, Sara Lee, and Aunt Jemima." -Craig Ferguson "Some sad news from the world of reality TV. Mama June and Sugar Bear from 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' are splitting up. Their lawyers are citing unintelligible differences." -Jimmy Fallon "Many of the leaders and assistants to the leaders from around the world were in attendance at the U.N. Climate Summit. They say this was arguably the most high-profile, significant meeting that will in no way change anything whatsoever." -Jimmy Kimmel "A bachelorette party missing since Monday after a hurricane hit has been found and safely returned to California. When asked about the ordeal one of the girls said, 'We were screaming, everything was spinning, there were bodies every- where -- and then the hurricane hit.'" -Seth Meyers "In New York City today, the 69th version of the United Nations General Assembly was called to order. It's always fun when people who can't stand each other come together, make speeches, and glare at each other in silent hatred, knowing they won't have to see each other for a whole year. It's like international Thanksgiving." -Craig Ferguson "Matt Damon is planning to shoot a fourth 'Bourne Identity' movie. It tells the story of an actor who gradually remembers he has four kids to send to college." -Jimmy Fallon "Royal Caribbean cruises will soon be adding robotic bar- tenders that can shake drinks, cut limes, and precisely measure alcohol. While Carnival Cruises announced they will soon be adding plumbing." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************