Considerate Spouse, Cowboys, NK Humor And More... :) Shangy
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-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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|||||
A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching
VERY large fish.
One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a
call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth.
He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doc used his
fishing scales.
The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz.
-<>-
One day a mouse was walking on the banks of a river that ran through
the jungle. He saw a Hippopotamus in the water and shouted to the
Hippopotamus, "Hey you, come out of the water onto this bank, NOW".
The Hippopotamus lumbered onto the bank as requested.
The mouse then said, "OK, you can get back in the water now".
The mouse continued walking along the bank until he came upon a lion
having a little dip in the river. The mouse shouted across to the
lion, "Hey you, up here, on this bank now!"
The lion was a little concerned about this 'jumped up' mouse giving
him orders but he complied and climbed up onto the bank.
The mouse then said, "OK, you can get back into the water now".
The lion shrugged and returned to the river.
The mouse continued his trip along the banks of the river until he
came across an elephant having a good old soak. The mouse shouted
to the elephant. "Hey you, Mr. Elephant, up here on this bank now!"
The elephant lumbered out the water and was then told by the mouse
to return to the water.
The elephant however was a little bit annoyed about having his soak
disturbed so he said to the mouse, "What is going on? I've just
seen you call the Hippopotamus, the lion and now me out of the
water, why are you doing this?"
The mouse replied, "When I find out who stole my swimming trunks, I'm
gonna thump him!!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 23 is Lover's Day, National Zucchini Bread Day, Take a Chance
Day and World Laboratory Day
April 24 is Pig in a Blanket Day
April 25 is Administrative Professionals Day (Executive Admin's Day,
Secretary's Day), East Meets West Day and World Penguin Day
April 26 is Hug an Australian Day, National Pretzel Day, Richter
Scale Day and Take Your Daughter to Work Day
April 27 is Arbor Day, Babe Ruth Day, National Prime Rib Day and
Tell a Story Day
April 28 is International Astronomy Day, Great Poetry Reading Day,
Kiss Your Mate Day - guys, do not forget this one. Kiss her, then
read her some poetry.
April 29 is Greenery Day and National Shrimp Scampi Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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A Woman's Guide to Understanding Men
1. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men
usually have jobs and bathe.
2. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship."
These seven words strike fear in the heart of even retired General
Schwartzkopf.
3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
4. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
5. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually
on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
6. Men forget everything; women remember everything. Think about it!
How many women's sports use something called an "instant replay?"
7. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up
identifying with Barbie.
8. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record
saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
9. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen
a man walk into a party and say, "Oh no, I'm so embarrassed; I've got
to get out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating
goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like
portable heaters that snore.
-<>-
>Considerate Spouse (A few thoughts from Mike)
It is important for men to remember that as women grow
older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same
quality of housekeeping as they did when they were
younger. When men notice this, they should try not to
yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation.
When I got laid off from my construction job and took
"early retirement" in January, it became necessary for
Betsy to get a full-time job, both for extra income
and for health benefits that we needed. She was a
medical assistant when we met twenty-eight ears ago
and was fortunate to land a job in a couple of
Doctor's offices. It was shortly after she started
working at these jobs that I noticed that she was
beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the
same time she gets home from work. Although she knows
how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has
to rest for half an hour or so before she starts
supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens.
Instead, I tell her to take her time. I understand
that she is not as young as she used to be. I just
tell her to wake me when she finally does get supper
on the table.
She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we
finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit
on the table for several hours after supper. I do
what I can by reminding her several times each evening
that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she
appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them
done before she goes to bed.
Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was
younger, Betsy used to be able to go up and down
stairs all day and not get tired. Now that she is
older she seems to get tired so much more quickly.
Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip
down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this.
As long as she finishes up the laundry the next
evening I am willing to overlook it. If I need
something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting
or to Wednesday or Saturday poker club or to Tuesday
and Thursday golf or something like that, I will tell her
to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This
gives her a little more time to do some of those odds
and ends ... things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or
dusting. Also, if I have had a really good day
fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at
a more leisurely pace.
Betsy is starting to complain a little occasionally.
Not often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice.
For example, she will say that it is difficult for her
to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch
hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try
to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
over two or even three days. That way she won't have
to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch
completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you
know what I mean.
When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs
more rest periods than she used to have to take. A
couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a break
when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I
overlook comments like these because I realize its
just age talking. In fact, I try not to embarrass her
when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell
her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly
squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I even
offer to have one with her, as she may as well make
one for me too, and take her break by the hammock so
she can talk with me until I fall asleep.
I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm
coming from. I know I probably look like a saint in
the way I support Betsy on a daily basis. I'm not
saying that the ability to show this much
consideration is easy. Many men will find it
difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows
better than I how frustrating women can become as
they get older.
My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest you
make the effort. Achieving the exemplary level of
consideration I have attained is out of reach for the
average man. However, guys, even if you just yell at
your wife a little less often because of this article,
I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.
/s/MIKE
(Editor's note: Mike's funeral was on Saturday.
Betsy was acquitted on Monday)
-<>-
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>Cowboy Rules
These are the Cowboy Rules in effect for: Arizona, Texas,
Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho and
the rest of the Wild West.
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell
like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east
and west, I-17 & I-15 go north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have an $80,000 car. We're impressed. We have $350,000
Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL
shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applies to all women, regardless
of age.
11. No, there's no '"vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and
turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in the North East
call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and
served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be
cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the
Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new
friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in
hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
-<>-
>Extraction
Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry -- it will
take just five minutes.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $90.00.
Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes of work?
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
-<>-
>:Rough Country Road
I was driving my father and grandfather down a rough country road. My
inexperience in handling Grandpa's four-wheel-drive vehicle made for
a particularly bouncy ride.
Embarrassed, I offered a lame excuse, "The sun shadows through the
trees make it hard for me to see all the potholes."
"Don't worry," Grandpa said. "You're gettin' most of 'em."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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""""""""""""""
-Sonic
>SMILES
Little Sammy was studying Torah for his Bar Mitzvah and was
asked what he had learned in Hebrew school.
"Well, momma, the rabbi told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out
of Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
build a pontoon bridge, and all the Jews walked across
safely. Then the Egyptians followed Moses, who used his
walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for air cover. They sent
bombers to blow up the bridge and drown the Egyptians, and
the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Sammy, is that really what the rabbi taught you?" his
mother asked.
"Well, no, momma, but if I told it the way the rabbi did,
you'd never believe it!"
----------
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
----------
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
----------
A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation,
and found that the curtains were drawn around him.
"Why are the curtains closed," he said. "Is it night?"
A nurse replied, "No, it is just that there is a fire across the
street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the
operation was unsuccessful."
-------
.
_\____
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\/ '---"\ _ _ _ _/
______/_______/_|_|_|_|_|
_|--------------------==."
\____________________.' LGB
LUNCH WITH THE POPE
President Donald Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht,
the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's
hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the
wind died down and it just floated in place. The crew and the secret
service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump
waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."
The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to
the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the
yacht,and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage
were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon,
NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, and CNN reported: "TRUMP CAN'T SWIM!"
-------
North Korean Humor...
Kim Jung Un had NO military experience whatsoever before Daddy made
him a four-star general. This snot-nosed twerp had never accomplished
anything in his life that would even come close to military leadership.
He hadn't even so much as led a Cub Scout troop, coached a sports team,
or commanded a military platoon. So he was made the "Beloved Leader"
of North Korea.
Terrific! Oh nuts! I'm sorry... I just remembered that America did
the same thing...
America took an arrogant phony community organizer, who had never worn
a uniform, never ran so much as an ice-cream stand, and made him
Commander-in-Chief. A guy, who had never had a real job, worked on a
budget, or led anything more than an ACORN demonstration, and he was
made the "Beloved Leader" of the United States - Twice!
So, if you think North Koreans are stupid... I'm sorry I brought this
up... never mind! I was sick to my stomach for 8 Years...
I feel much better now!
---
...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Cloie :)
Did Charles Krauthammer Write an ‘Interesting Take on Trump?’
An opinion piece arguing that President Donald Trump is a pragmatist
rather than a Republican or a Democrat was written by Mychal Massie,
not Charles Krauthammer.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/did-krauthammer-write-take-trump/
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>A TAKE ON DONALD TRUMP ...
A different take on Donald Trump: (a non-political agenda)
Trump Is Not A Liberal or Conservative, He's a "Pragmatist."
(Definition: A pragmatist is someone who is practical and focused on
reaching a goal. A pragmatist usually has a straightforward, matter-
of-fact approach and doesn't let emotion distract him or her.)
"We recently enjoyed a belated holiday dinner with friends at the home
of other friends. The dinner conversation varied from discussions about
antique glass and china to theology and politics.
At one point, reference was made to Donald Trump being a conservative,
to which I responded that Trump is not a conservative.
I said that I neither view nor do I believe Trump views himself as a
conservative. I stated it was my opinion that Trump is a pragmatist. He
sees a problem and understands it must be fixed. He doesn't see the
problem as liberal or conservative, he sees it only as a problem. That
is a quality that should be admired and applauded, not condemned. But I
get ahead of myself.
Viewing problems from a Liberal perspective has resulted in the creation
of more problems, more entitlement programs, more victims, more
government, more political correctness, and more attacks on the working
class in all economic strata.
Viewing things according to the so-called Republican conservative
perspective has brought continued spending and globalism to the
detriment of American interests and well being, denial of what the real
problems are, weak, ineffective, milquetoast, leadership that amounts to
Barney Fife Deputy Sheriff, appeasement oriented and afraid of its own
shadow. In brief, it has brought liberal ideology with a pachyderm as a
mascot juxtaposed to the ass of the Democrat Party.
Immigration isn't a Republican problem, it isn't a Liberal problem, it
is a problem that threatens the very fabric and infrastructure of
America. It demands a pragmatic approach not an approach that is
intended to appease one group or another.
The impending collapse of the economy wasn't a Liberal or Conservative
problem, it is an American problem. That said, until it is viewed as a
problem that demands a common sense approach to resolution, it will
never be fixed because the Democrats and Republicans know only one way
to fix things and the longevity of their impracticality has proven to
have no lasting effect.
Successful businessmen like Donald Trump find ways to make things work,
they do not promise to accommodate.
Trump uniquely understands that China's manipulation of currency is not
a Republican problem or a Democrat problem. It is a problem that
threatens our financial stability and he understands the proper balance
needed to fix it.
Here again, successful businessmen, like Trump, who have weathered the
changing tides of economic reality understand what is necessary to make
business work, and they, unlike both sides of the political aisle, know
that if something doesn't work, you don't continue trying to make it
work hoping that at some point it will.
As a pragmatist, Donald Trump hasn't made wild pie-in-the-sky promises
of a cell phone in every pocket, free college tuition, and a $15 hour
minimum wage for working the drive-through at Carl's Hamburgers.
I argue that America needs pragmatists because pragmatists see a problem
and find ways to fix them. They do not see a problem and compound it by
creating more problems.
You may not like Donald Trump, but I suspect that the reason some people
do not like him is because:
(1) he is antithetical to the "good old boy" method of brokering
backroom deals that fatten the coffers of politicians;
(2) they are unaccustomed to hearing a president speak who is
unencumbered by the financial shackles of those who he owes vis-a-vis
donations;
(3) he is someone who is free of idiomatic political ideology;
(4) he says what he is thinking, is unapologetic for his outspoken
thoughts, speaks very straightforward using everyday language that can
be understood by all (and is offensive to some who dislike him anyway)
making him a great communicator, for the most part, does what he says
he will do and;
(5) he is someone who understands that it takes more than hollow
promises and political correctness to make America great again.
Listening to Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders talk about fixing
America is like listening to two lunatics trying to "out crazy" one
another. Jeb Bush, John Kasich and Marco Rubio are owned lock, stock,
and barrel by the bankers, corporations, and big dollar donors funding
their campaigns. Bush can deny it, but common sense tells anyone willing
to face facts is that people don't give tens of millions without
expecting something in return.
We have had Democrats and Republican ideologues and what has it brought
us? Are we better off today or worse off? Has it happened overnight or
has it been a steady decline brought on by both parties?
I submit that a pragmatist is just what America needs right now. People
are quick to confuse and despise confidence as arrogance, but that is
common among those who have never accomplished anything in their lives
(or politicians who never really solved a problem, because it’s better
to still have an "issue(s) to be solved," so re-elect me to solve it,
(which never happens) and those who have always played it safe (again,
all politicians) not willing to risk failure, to try and achieve
success).
Donald Trump put his total financial empire at risk in running for
president and certainly did not need or possibly even want the job; that
says it all. He wants success for the U.S. and her citizens because he
loves his country.
---
...Interesting! Thanks Cloie!
I admit that I find Donald Trump refreshing. I was leery of him at first
due to the fact that he used to be a Democratic and he was a Hollywood
celebrity with a TV show. I wasn't sure he was all that truthful.
However, I did realize one thing about him. Being a Billionaire
businessman requires that he maintains honesty in all his dealings. I
saw that he also had a down-to-earth understanding and like-mindedness
with middle America - The workers of America.
Time and time again, I was astounded at how he said or agreed on things
exactly as I and my family did. Take for instance this recent
development where Gov. Brown in CA said he would send 400 reserve troops
to the border just as Trump had asked for, but they weren't allowed to
do the work of actually securing the border. I told my husband that was
just like the left. Trying to get money for nothing! I was angry that we
as taxpayers would be having to pay for them being there! So what did
Pres.Trump do? He came out a day or so later saying exactly what I had.
He wasn't going to pay for them to do nothing! So he said he didn't want
them there! Yea Trump!
They now have come to a deal - California Reaches Deal with Trump
Administration on National Guard Role - The Washington Post
https://tinyurl.com/yawe8mnm
Makes me so proud to have such a logical and smart President! He is
a straight shooter. He calls a shoe a shoe - not 'footwear' to be more
'politically' correct.
No matter what this article says, President Trump is an honest
conservative. Even more so than President Reagan was. That is why
so many of us Christians support him. We like logical straight shooters
who don't try and pull the wool over our eyes. They tell us like it
is and don't try to hide the truth from us. We appreciate that! He
also doesn't stick to his guns. If he is wrong about something or things
change, than he is one to change with it. Called going with the flow or
rolling with the punches or choosing the best alternative. We have come
to realize his objective is our objective - doing the best for America.
We also appreciate him keeping his eye on God and humbly asking for
prayers from America's Christian leads understanding that without God,
America is without hope.
Here is the evaluation from the Heritage Foundation on how conservative
President Trump has been so far...
https://tinyurl.com/y7osfcq7
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
President Trump: America's Economy Is Back and Roaring and Its People
Are Winning - USA Today
https://tinyurl.com/yc8zwa4f
Donald Trump Vows to Stay Out of TPP Unless ‘They Offer Us a Deal That
We Cannot Refuse’ - Breitbart
https://tinyurl.com/ybn37a76
'Thank You For Your Service:' Surgeon General's Uniformed Corps Battles
Opioid Epidemic - USA Today
https://tinyurl.com/y9nahthq
DHS Nets 225 Deportation Targets in New York Sweep - The Washington
Times: U.S. Department of Homeland Security officials announced Tuesday
that they had arrested 225 immigrants in a “targeted sweep in New York
City and the surrounding area,” Stephen Dinan reports. Among those taken
into custody were criminals with rape, manslaughter, and firearms-
related convictions.
https://tinyurl.com/y7apz2mf
Feds Expose Network That Smuggled Illegal Immigrants from Syria to U.S.
- The Washington Times
https://tinyurl.com/ycl7eynl
Confusion: 2 Ambulances Called for 1 Injured Woman at Margaret Sanger
Planned Parenthood
https://tinyurl.com/yb4z7fxc
Social Security - What You Can Do Online
https://tinyurl.com/yd3awg3m
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
This is the 21st century. Murders aren't contracted in
smokey backroom meetings like in the Godfather movies any-
more. That is why the woman in today's story went to the
Internet to find a hitman. And she tried to pay him in
Bitcoins, too.
A nurse was in love with a man she worked with and wanted
his wife dead so she can be with him.
31-year-old Tina Jones of Des Plaines, Illinois, went on
the 'dark web,' where she found a company that sells its
services of hitmen for money, according to the DuPage
County State's Attorney's Office.
Jones worked at the Loyola University Medical Center in
Maywood. She was in love with an anesthesiologist who
worked at the same hospital.
When the man no longer wanted to be involved in the love
affair and broke up with Jones, she decided to kill his
wife who is a clinical social worker.
Prosecutors said that Jones gave the hitmen explicit
details of what she wanted done to the wife of her lover.
She gave the company the man's working hours so that they
can find the woman home alone. She also warned them not
to hurt the husband and to make the murder appear as an
accident.
Jones paid the company $10,000 in Bitcoin for the murder.
However, someone tipped off the police to her intent and
she was arrested.
Tina Jones was charged with one felony count of
solicitation of murder. Jones is facing 20 years in prison
if convicted of the crime.
I don't know about you, but my question is; what is this
murder company that you can find on the Internet and why
is it not being investigated?
-<>-
Have you ever heard someone say, 'It seemed like a good idea
at the time' when relating a story about how everything went
WAY off course. This poor, misguided single mother has a
story just like that.
A mother who is locked in a custody battle with her former
partner tied herself up and jumped into a garbage dumpster
before telling police that she was kidnapped, according to
police in Colorado.
The Vail Police Department said that police were dispatched
to the Sandstone neighborhood on a report of a woman found
in a dumpster with injuries.
According to the police investigation, 31-year-old Linnea
Marlene Hayda is fighting for custody of her children. 3
days before her court hearing, Hayda tied up her hands and
ankles with zip ties and climbed into the garbage dumpster.
She was found the following day. She was taken to a hospital
to be treated for minor injuries.
Hayda told police that while she was going home from work,
a man grabbed her and threw her into a car. He then told
her that she will never see her children, before tying her
up and dumped her into the garbage bin.
After a thorough investigation totaling over 200 hours, Vail
detectives concluded that the story provided by the woman,
which led police to issue an alert to the community asking
about suspicious activity, proved to be fictitious.
It was concluded that the woman made up the story in order
to sway the judge presiding over the custody case to award
her custody of her children.
Hayda was charged with false reporting to police, tampering
with evidence, and attempting to influence a public servant.
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley.
---
...'stupid is as stupid does' or 'some people shouldn't have kids'!
* Bus Driver Fired for Watching TV Behind Wheel *
A tour bus driver in New York has been fired after a
passenger recorded him watching TV shows on his cellphone
while behind the wheel. Barry Fisk captured video after the
bus departed Manhattan at 8:30 a.m. on a tour booked by
company Get Your Guide. The video shows the bus driver
watching TV shows on his phone while driving a bus load of
passengers. A Get Your Guide spokesman said the driver has
been fired. "In this case, the driver in question was in
breach of local law and our own safety standards, and we
regret that our customer Barry Fisk was put in an unsafe
situation as a result," the spokesman said. "We've reached
out personally to Mr. Fisk with a full refund and our
sincere apologies."
*------------ The Wisdom of Solomon ------------*
A Florida court ruled that two former neighbors must split
custody of a dog after a dispute about who's the dog's
rightful owner. Judge Lorraine Kelly recently said Tina
Marie Walker, 53, and David Somerville, 68, each have a
right to Elario, a 4-year-old, 100-pound Labrador and must
abide by a visitation calendar to share custody. "Both
parties have spent a great deal of time with the dog," Kelly
wrote in her ruling. The fight over Elario began more than
two years ago when Walker adopted the dog from a shelter.
Around that time, Somerville's son asked Walker to check in
on his father, who was recovering from lung surgery. The
two neighbors began spending a lot of time together and
Walker would being Elario. Somerville grew fond of Elario
and after dogsitting for Walker when she went on vacation,
asked Walker if he could adopt the dog. After Walker
refused, Somerville sued her in small claims court. In court
documents, Somerville said he has a right to be Elario's
owner because he has spent a great deal of time with the
dog, paid for veterinarian bills and is more "financially
stable" than Walker. Walker said she plans to appeal the
joint custody ruling. "I love my dog," she said. "It's all
I have in my whole life."
*-- Burglar Disguises Face With Clear Plastic --*
Police in Georgia shared security camera footage of a
GameStop store burglar who tried to conceal his face with an
unusual disguise -- a clear plastic wrapper. The St. Marys
Police Department posted video showing security camera
footage from the burglary. The video shows the male suspect
wearing the plastic wrapper from a package of bottled water
over his head, completely failing to hide his face with the
clear plastic. Police are asking members of the public for
help identifying the "craftily disguised gent." "You can
help us catch him, once you stop laughing," police wrote.
*----- "I'm a Cowboy, On a Jet Ski I Ride" -----*
A bison released from its enclosure by flooding in Hawaii
was rescued from the middle of a bay by a lasso-wielding
cowboy on a jet ski. Hanalei residents reported seeing
buffalo running loose amid flooding this week, and one of
the animals was spotted struggling in Hanalei Bay. A
witness captured video of a lasso-wielding cowboy roping
the bison and towing it back to shore. Locals said the bison
were released when floodwaters provided a path over the
fence surrounding their enclosure.
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
|\
| \
|
____________ ____________ |
/ O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ |
|____________| |____________| |
| ____________ || | |
|| ||| | |
|| ]||| | |
/\ ____ || ||| | _______ |
[| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| |
__|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___|
|#####| jro\
It's probably not a surprise to you that adding baking soda
to a load of laundry can help freshen and brighten clothing.
But baking soda can go beyond that when used in your washing
machine. Baking soda can make a great fabric softener when
added to the wash. Or try using baking soda to neutralize
odorous spills. Baking soda is also a great tool to clean
your washing machine.
-<>-
The small trash cans in our homes can sometimes be overlooked
until they are overflowing. Make this chore easier and more
quickly accomplished by storing extra liners in the bottom
of the trash can.
-<>-
Squeak-proof your wipers with rubbing alcohol! Wipe the
wipers with a cloth saturated with rubbing alcohol or ammonia.
This one trick can make badly streaking & squeaking wipers
change to near perfect silence & clarity.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
('.
\ \
Y |
,--. ;_
(,7 | | |_
/___\| | LJ
:---:| |/__\
|===|\~/---:
'---'/T\===|
.', \--'
/ ; .;
;.-'-". \
snd "..'
Broom
(The Sorcerers Apprentice)
Here's a look back at a few things that I picked in my travels. You
may want to write these tips down. You'll thank me for it later.
1. Don't Wash Your Dishes While You're Taking A Bath.
2. Don't Fart In A Crowded Elevator.
3. You Don't Have To Smoke While Eating French Foods.
4. Don't Put Hot Hot Pockets In Your Pockets.
5. "The Worm" Is The Greatest Dance Move of All-Time.
6. Blondes Do Have More Fun. Trust me.
7. Commandos Don't Ever Go Commando. Trust me.
8. Country Music Has Nothing To Do With Any Particular Country.
9. It's better to be wise, than a wise-ass.
10. Change isn't always good, unless it is in your pocket.
Hey, this is all good stuff, especially #2. Trust me.
-<>-
>When Was Your Son Born?
Virginia: When was your son born?
Beverly: In March. He came on the first of the month.
Virginia: Is that why you call him Bill?
-<>-
>How About That Dance?
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty
junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and
said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize
you were pregnant."
-<>-
>List of Funny Names
Hugh Jazz
I.P. Nightly
Amanda Hugenkiss
Astor and Emma Roids
Willy B. Hardigan
Dixie Normous
Emerson Bigguns
Anita Lay
Harry Moe Lester
May Anne Naise
Al Bino
Craven Moorehead
-<>-
>I Look Like...
Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.
Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?
-<>-
>They'll Find Us!
Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the
other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, "Don't worry,
they will definitely find us, and soon."
"Really? Why do you think so?"
"I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes."
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
A: The one that's labeled "IDAHO"!
Q: What's the definition of an Impotent Loser?
A: A guy who can't even get his hopes up.
Q: Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam!
Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?
A: Because they take too long to iron!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that
a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall
down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try
to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's
face or show concern.
Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to
try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my
heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.
The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to
the coffee table for my pizza.
-<>-
"Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
I asked my friend.
"He wants to be a garbage man," he replied.
"That's an unusual ambition to have at such a young age."
"Not really. He thinks that garbage men work only on Tuesdays."
-<>-
As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often
been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even
a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in
uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others
congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.
One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the
sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the
door and looked over at me. "My sister would be so proud of
you!" she remarked. I figured her sister must be in the air-
line business, so I smiled and asked why.
Replied the woman, "She's a dentist."
-<>-
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of
Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web
or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom
to a co-worker.
"I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers
have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're
doing."
-<>-
During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his
daily activity level.
The man said, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the
edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs
in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattle-
snake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch
of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks
behind big trees."
Impressed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one
hell of an outdoors man!"
"Outdoorsman nothing," replied the man, "I'm just a lousy
golfer."
-<>-
A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At
the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have
it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport.
The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you over there
at South Bend?"
The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
.-.
__/ (
, '-.____\
u=='/ \
/_/ \
.-'' |
( ____/_____
_>_/.--------
\///
//
snd //
>WISE ADVICE FROM KIDS
"Medicine only works if it's cherry flavored."
-- Elissa, 9
"Good food always comes with a toy."
-- Ryan, 6
"Just because your dog drinks from the toilet, doesn't mean you should."
-- Juaquim, 7
"Don't dry the dog in the microwave."
-- Brittany, 5
"If mommy says no, then you should ask daddy."
-- Daniel, 7
"You can't eat soup with a fork."
-- Mel, 4
"Don't pick your nose when you're finger-painting."
--Xiang, 8
"Never ask mom when she's going to go on a diet."
--Bob, 11
-<>-
/()))
//( oo
(/|| _ \__
/||||/ '._-'
/ \ |\
/ \ \ \_____
| \ \.___ /==,
| ='.___/=.
| )
'.______ |
(______( | ||
snd |_|| _/ | |_\
'---'--'
>Top 10 Rejected Names For Euro-Disney
10. Euro Disaster
9. El Biggo Mistake O
8. Never-Never-Profit-Land
7. La Ville de Big Guys in Smelly Coustumes
6. Chapter 11-Land
5. Beaocoup de Crap Americans
4. Boutros Boutros Goofy
3. We saved you butts in WW2 Land
2. Brie & Beaujoila Jamboree
1. Ooh-La-Lame
=========================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
_..-------.._
.-"--..__ __."-.
." """" ". .:: :..
.' ""----...._________..-`. ::::::'
: __::::::::::
.. : ______......--.--:::::::::::::-"
.:: ::::::::::(::::##::##::_:::::::::":::
.:-.:::_ :::::::::_::::::#:::#:::#"::::::: "
'-::::::::::::::-#:::::::::::::::#:::::::::
.:::::::::::::::#:::::::::::::#:::::::' :
::::::":"""----:::#::::::::::::#---"" _.:
" '-' : __...--"" :
:---...____....----""" ___..-":
: ______......--""" :
:""""" :
`.----.....______....----.' .--.
":::::::::::::::::::::/:..:::::: grp
"-:::::::::::::::-"'::::::::::
::::::---"" .:::::::::
.:::::/_.._ ::::::::'
:::::::::::::. '-::-"
':::::::::::::
`--::::::-'
Mr. Bump
>Marketing Genius
* These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given
out in honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central
and South America. "No va" means, in Spanish, "it doesn't go".
* The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?"
prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to
their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"
* Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was
read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
* Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in
an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
* Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany
only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people
had use for the "Manure Stick."
* When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the
same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label.
Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures
on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.
* Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of
a notorious porno magazine.
* An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish
market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope"
(el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" la papa).
* Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into
"Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
* The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning
"Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending
on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a
phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the
mouth."
* Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a
tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused
man to make a chicken affectionate."
* When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were
supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass
you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" meant to embarrass,
but the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!"
* When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first
class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather"
campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in
Spanish!
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Discoveries By Accident!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/discoveries.html
Aww Animals 10!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals10.html
Running Horses!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/runninghorses.html
Colorful Birds 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html
This Is MY Spot!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/myspot.html
Elephant Rescue!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephants.html
Real Three Bears!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bears.html
Invisible Animals!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/invisible.html
Kids With Dads
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithdads.html
Feeding The Eagles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html
Ostional Sea Turtles!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seaturtle.html
Fighter Aircraft!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fighteraircraft.html
I Believe In You!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ibelieveinyou.html
Love Stories!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestories.html
Kilroy Was Here!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html
Dogs As Best Friends!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestfriend.html
Mother Horse's Love!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/motherslove2.html
Texas Rules Of Etiquette!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html
Thankful For You!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thankful.html
Pets Left Home Alone!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petshome.html
Wedding Fails!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingfails.html
-<>-
>Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
https://tinyurl.com/y8vqgf6t
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html
-<>-
I-Mockery Pays A Visit To The Rose Bowl Flea Market
What has "Games, toys, furniture, art, antiques, clothes,
vintage collectibles and more oddities than you can shake
a stick at..." The Rose Bowl Flea Market! Check out the
bargains and don't forget to visit the Jerky Hut!
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/rose-bowl-flea-market/
HOW TO DANCE PROPERLY
Perhaps you'd prefer the 'Hanging Out... Casual' style of
dancing. A perfect start for the just-initiated, it says,
"I'm hip, but prefer the quiet side of nightlife, please
respect that."
http://www.zefrank.com/invite/swfs/index.html
WHAT I LEARNED IN COLLEGE
"When preparing for an exam, two liters of Mountain Dew is
not a good substitute for 8 hours of sleep." And don't
forget the important lesson that "Public urination is not
something to be proud of."
http://www.zefrank.com/college/index.html
Gluey Game
"Sticky globs of bright colors. I hate them! I will destroy them, by
clicking them. Now, out of my way, you glob-huggers!"
http://www.addictinggames.com/puzzle-games/gluey-game.jsp
26 Actors Who Paid A Terrible Price For A Role
Acting might look like easy make-believe games for kindergarten diaper
babies, but it's actually grueling, physical work. Because of that, it
sometimes takes a serious toll on actors. All that jumping around
wearing makeup and costumes can lead to permanent damage to their
bodies and brains.
https://tinyurl.com/y8zfhwmj
Dogs Caught Red Handed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GWfYgQbzJw
Funny Dogs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcL0MeVZIxM
If it were not FILMED, no one would BELIEVE IT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FnN4vseiXQ
Animals Being Saved
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzlSvK8nQvQ
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
She sent us one we have here...
Final Toast
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/finaltoast.html
---
...great reminder! Thanks LouiseAu!
The title of Idiot of the Day is usually bestowed on one person but in
this video, we are presented with three idiots who decide to mess with a
wild hog. Apparently, one of these men had trapped the wild hog in a
cage and needed help releasing it so he called a couple of his buddies.
Two of these guys decide to crawl into the cage with the wild hog and
that’s when things get interesting. The only thing missing from this
video is one of these guys saying “Hold my beer and watch this.”
Thankfully, none of them were seriously injured.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4_4XKS5sLg
---
...Wow! How stupid of them! Glad the hog got away! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
A month ago, magician Darcy Oake amazed the judges and audience of
Britain’s Got Talent when he pulled birds out of thin air. His new
performance is even more astounding!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5N0MDF1CYQ
---
...Cool! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say
that it's fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the
other 88 percent know not to talk to a guy with a clipboard
asking them if they cheat on their taxes." -Jimmy Fallon
"The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay
your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now
declare your earnings from 2017 while eating a hot dog from
2005." -Conan O'Brien
"The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting
a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back,
which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you've
been overpaying all year long. It's like if someone broke
into your house and the police recovered the stuff and
brought it back and you said, 'Oh, presents.'" -Jimmy Kimmel
"SpaceX is planning to build a Mars rocket right here in
Los Angeles. The voyage to Mars will take nine months, but
eight of those months will be spent just getting out of
L.A." -Conan O'Brien
"In honor of Tax Day, Hardee's offered free breakfast
biscuits if you said the password 'Made From Scratch.'
Arby's had a similar deal. They gave you a free roast
beef sandwich with the password 'Made From Squirrel.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"New Jersey is considering a bill that would outlaw texting
while walking, and make it punishable by 15 days in jail.
And according to a new poll, people kept running into it."
-Seth Meyers
"Experts say the majority of Facebook users had their data
harvested from taking online quizzes. So, it's worse than
we thought - now, Russia also knows how stupid we are."
-Conan O'Brien
"Flu season is behind us, allergy season is here. It's nice
to see people in L.A. allergic to something other than
gluten for a change." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new report did not name New York City as one of the 25
best places to live in the country. 'I'm shocked!' said an
adult New Yorker with six roommates." -Seth Meyers
"They're still cleaning up in Chicago after Saint Patrick's
Day. The Chicago River was dark green. Nothing to do with
Saint Patrick's Day — it was just Oprah washing her money."
- Craig Ferguson
"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced
everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out
to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'"
- Steven Wright
"Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot
of expense and aggravation later in life."
- Robert Byrne
"President Obama said that the problems at AIG were caused
by greed. To which AIG said, 'What do you think the G
stands for?'"
- Jay Leno
"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat
slowly, and lie about your age."
--Lucille Ball
"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good
impromptu speech."
--Mark Twain
"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."
--Peter Ustinov
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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FUN URLS
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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