Copies From Copies... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Here's a hot new page that comes from our friends RichardF and KarenF that makes me smile just thinking about it. I do love architecture! Couple that with fairy tales and you have a double dose of fun! Check this one out here... .,,,. ... .,,,. ((o o)) (`@ @`) ((6 6)) ___\ - /___ ___\ o /___ ___\ v /___ ($_ & _$) ($_ % _$) ($_ & _$) | % | | & | | % | | & | | % | | & | / % \ / & \ / % \ _/ / \ \_ _/ / \ \_ _/ / \ \_ ($__/ \__$) ($__/ \__$) ($__/ \__$) ldb Fairy Tale Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fairytale.html --- ...So many favs here, I'd have a hard time choosing! Thank You RichardF And KarenF! -<>- >-->From our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Summer Fest 2012 - July 12-14 - Free Registration http://tinyurl.com/d4lw8cc Spirit & Truth Fellowship International | 180 Robert Curry Drive | Martinsville, Indiana 46151 ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Ten Reasons Why Men Are So Lovable (otherwise titled Why Men are (somewhat) Better Than Toddlers) \\///// |6 6| You almost never have to spoonfeed them ( _\ | mushy cereal. | = | |\___/ When they fall down, they can usually get ___/| |__ up on their own. /` | '----' |`\ / | | \ They CAN be left alone...but only for short /~% | ; \ periods of time. / /\/ |`\ \ \ \ | | / / It actually is FUN when they get messy..... `\ \| |/ /` with your help... `\; |/` (| |) They CAN dress themselves, you just don't |_________| want to take them out that way... | | | | | | They don't whine and whine about having |____|__| to go someplace they don't want to \ | | - oh wait a second ...nevermind. | ) ) / | | They are EASY to put to bed. |___|__| \===|==| Their shoe size doesn't change every / `-.`-. two months. jgs \______)__) They almost never wake-up when you make a little noise near them (in fact, you can clang cymbals, ring phones, set off alarms and maybe even drop bombs) Two words - TRASH DAY ======================================================= *-- Bizarre May Holidays --* May 7 is International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, and National Roast Leg of Lamb Day May 8 is No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day May 10 is Clean Up Your Room Day May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day May 12 is Limerick Day May 13 is Leprechaun Day =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Brenda :) ,-, ,**@**. /&&&-b\ / &&&/& \ / _!!_ \ / /]{ }[\ \ \| (~~~~) |/ /^\) (/^\ ( \\(@*)// ) ," (*@@*) ". / ,~(*@)~` \ ' ;: ' / : ; \ ' ;: ' ' : ' ' @ @ ': ,@. ,@. ;' ' '-=-' '-__-' '-=-' ' ' ' / \ ~=._ _,=~ `=-.__ __,-=' gpyy `-=.____,=-' The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. But this didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it." --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks Brenda! -<>- ___ /\/_\_ \/ )))) ",".// \%_,O _||___ /)___/_\ '(_/\_)\/\ />,\\/ / \/\ \o\/==/\ \/o__ (/| /o\\ \,\\- // \ | \ /o| | \ \ / / / o \ \ / / \ | \ / | o / \ o \ \ / | \ \ / / / o / \ / | o \ ) | /__/\___/_____/\___o/ b'ger =' =' >Tips There are lots of amazing things that are yet to be learned from the human body. Not all things are know to our body, there are few cool tricks that we can teach our body. So, let's see those cool tips... If you ate a big meal and you're feeling full as you go to sleep, lay on your left side. That'll keep you from suffering from acid reflux it keeps your stomach lower than your esophagus, which will help keep stomach acid from sliding up your throat. If you get all messed up on liquor, and the room starts spinning, put your hand on something stable. The reason: Alcohol dilutes the blood in the part of your ear called the cupula, which regulates balance. Putting your hand on something stable gives your brain another reference point, which will help make the world stop spinning. Stop a nose bleed by putting some cotton on your upper gums right behind the small dent below your nose and press against it hard. Most of the bleeding comes from the cartilage wall that divides the nose, so pressing there helps get it to stop. --- ...Great! Thanks Brenda! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _.,_ ,-'.' .`-, ;; '. ' `. ;` - _ _,-; ' ; `. ,% .-, - *click* ,_.,-'` ';; ; : ;%' | | \ ___ _._,-`'\ `'-`' _.,' `. ) __,--`-,,`' ,._,.-`-., _.,-.--.-,`''` | _| |__ `---'////\ / .-, `-`-^--`'^`-...,,| | |.,/ //\)(/ `-\.-. | `-' ( .-; | | ,. `-~ ~~-. `._.' ,/ / `~ ~~~ ~~ /,.`) // / /_ `/ ( `/ `-' mic >DUI I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. As we well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it. --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' >PUNS There are some new ones here. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. PMS jokes aren't funny; period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. Broken pencils are pointless. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. Velcro — what a rip off! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault. --- ...Oh Yeah! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- /\ / .\ (_/\_) )( /__\ _/_/\_\_ _/_/__\_\_ _/_/_/\_\_\_ _/_/_/__\_\_\_ __/_/_/_/\_\_\_\__ _)__,________'____(_ )__________________( ||| - | | _____-____ | | |\ /| | ' | \ / | | | | \ / | | | | \/ | | | | /\ |'| | | / \ | | _| | / \ | |_ //| |/ \| \\ //| / \. //| / || //| / __||__ //| , -__ __- ____//| / ' || . _)___/| / / / || \ /\ )__ \_ / __/_____/\_____\__ /. \ | / |__________________| (_/\_) ' / /. ///\\\ \ )( | | | /(( ))\ - | //\\ | -| | / \\// \ | huummmhummmmmhummmmmm... // \\__,_| | | - /\ \/ /\ ' |__ / | //- \____| | / / () () () \ \ ' ___// ./\ \ | | / / /\ /\ /\ \ \ | ,```_ _```, )__ //\\ |_| - | | //\\//\\//\\ | - c - - c | (( )) -| | .| | |(( )( )( ))| | ./|-` `-|\. | |\\//| | | | ' | \\//\\//\\// | | /` \ /` \ |- | \/ | | ' | | | \/ \/ \/ | ' /_| \) (/ |_\ | | () | | | | | | () () () | | | .__| |__, | | |//\\| - | -| | | /\ /\ /\ | | | | | | | -|/ \| | - | , | //\\//\\//\\ ' | | | | | __|_ | | _|_| |_|_ |// \( )/ \\| |__+ |___\ /___| _)___||____||___| |___||__ \\// __|__, | ______===_____===_______|____| |__| |_,|__|__| |____\/____| | , __________________________________________b'ger __/ >Copies From Copies He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. "We missed the R ! We missed the R ! We missed the %*@# R !" His forehead is all bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?' With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was... CELEB R ATE' --- ...whoops! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >I'm Italian and I am a golfer An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition"? "I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old guy. "And that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well." 'Well' says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died"? "Who said my Father's dead"? The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive? How old is he"? "He's 100 years old," says the Old Italian golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino. He's Italian and he's a golfer too. And that's why he's still alive..." "Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died"? "Who said my Nono's dead"? Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! That's incredible—how old is he"? "He's 118 years old," says the Old Italian Golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too"? "No, Nono couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today." At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!!!Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?" "Who said he wanted to?" --- ...HaHa! A good one! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- [politics] _.--._ \ ** / (<>) . ) ( . )\_.._/ /\ \_.._/( (*_<>_ _<>_*) )/ '' \ \/ / '' \( ' ) ( ' ( ) ) ( (<>) / ** \ /.-..-.\ >A Good Catholic Joke The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!" Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!" So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage! AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land! Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From PatriotUpdate: Tax Breaks for Illegal Aliens? http://tinyurl.com/7xu227m -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Obama: Giving Medical Care to Old People is a Waste of Money! Priceless Video! http://tinyurl.com/cs8yznc -<>- >From ConservativeByte: Horowitz: Don't Let the Occupy Movement Signal the Rebirth of Communism http://tinyurl.com/7wqrnxj -<>- >From CowboyByte: King Barack, Prince Harry and Joe the Joker must go http://tinyurl.com/86nf8bv -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is bad decision-making, there is losing your damn mind and then there is this. A Polish man suffering from a toothache decided to go to a dental surgeon, which would be a good idea if the surgeon he went to see wasn't his ex-lover...who he broke up with just days before. Women aren't the most rational of creatures when they have been jilted. But apparently Marek Olszewski had never experienced this phenomenon. Settling into the chair of his former lover, Anna Mackowiak, Olszewski didn't think anything of it as she put him under a heavy dose of anesthetic. "I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," Anna said, "but when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a bastard' and decided to take all his teeth out." You read that right. While under she removed every one of his teeth. "I knew something was wrong because when I woke up I couldn't feel any teeth and my jaw was strapped up with bandages," Olszewski said. Adding insult to injury, Olszewski said his new girlfriend has already left him over his now toothless appearance. Mackowiak is currently being investigated for medical mal- practice and is facing three years in prison. *-- 30,000 bees found in N.J. attic --* CAPE MAY, N.J. - A New Jersey couple who noticed an unusual number of honeybees in their garden said they found a honeycomb and 30,000 of the insects in their attic crawl space. Victoria Clayton and Richard White, who live at a former bed and breakfast on Washington Street in Cape May, said they noticed many of the bees from their garden were entering their home through a third-floor laundry vent and they soon found there was a honeycomb in the attic crawl space with 30,000 honeybees tending to it, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported Monday. The couple enlisted the help of Gary Schempp, 57, founder of insect rescue group Busy Bees NJ, to relocate the insects. Schempp said he and his assist- ant, John Reed, first poured some liquid smoke into the crawlspace, which caused the bees to believe the home was on fire and gorge themselves on honey until they were docile. The men then pulled out about 25 pounds of honey and nectar, which they said was unsuitable for consumption due to being polluted with dust. Schempp and Reed used a specially designed vacuum to gather up the bees and trans- port them back to Schempp's farm. *-- Crossing guard has 11 college degrees --* WAKEFIELD, England - A British man with 11 university degrees, including a doctorate in philosophy, said he took a job as a school crossing guard to give back to the community. Bruce Berry, a member of the high-IQ organization Mensa, said he took a job as a crossing guard five days a week near the Crofton School in Wakefield, England, The Sun reported Monday. "I love working for degrees but wanted to do something for the community. It's nice to get kiddies to and from school safely," said Berry, who speaks five languages fluently. Berry, who makes $325 per month at the job, said his father was a teacher at Crofton. "I feel part of the family there," he said. *-- Police: Hit-and-run suspect 'had the runs' --* GAINESVILLE, Fla. - Police in Florida said a man told them he fled the scene of an accident and went to a Walmart because he "had the runs." Gainesville police said Barnard Cato III was arrested Tuesday and charged with driving under the influence, hit and run and a felony count of leaving the scene of an accident involving injury after he struck another occupied vehicle and a few newspaper boxes around 7:15 a.m. Tuesday and left the scene, The Gaines- ville Sun reported Thursday. Police found Cato a few minutes later at a Walmart, where he told officers he did not realize he had hit the other vehicle and he "pulled into the next stop. ... I had the runs, I had to go," he said. Officers said Cato had a "strong odor of alcohol emanating from his breath and clothing" and his eyes were "bloodshot and watery." Cato declined to submit to a breathalyzer test. *-- Rapper's statue a reminder to scoop poop --* WROCLAW, Poland - A Polish rapper had a giant sculpture of a dog's feces installed in a patch of grass to remind residents to pick up after their pets. Lukasz Rostkowski, 30, aka L.U.C, had the bronze statue installed on a patch of grass Tuesday next to Dominican Square in the south- western city of Wroclaw, Polskie Radio reported Thursday. Rostkowski told the Gazeta Wyborcza he hopes the statue will serve as a reminder to locals to clean up after their dogs. "Every year, dog messes pop up quicker than snow- drops," the rapper said. "Our action is a bit of fun." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend RichardF :) ,. ,_> `. ,'; ,-`' `' '`'._ ,,-) ---._ | .---''`-),. ,' `. \ ; / _,' `, ,--' ____ \ ' ,' ___ `-, _> /--. `-. .-'.--\ \__ '-, ( `. `.,`~ \~'-. ,' ,' ) _\ _> \ \ ,' ') ) `. / / <,. ,-' _, \ ,' ( / `. / `-, `-.,-' `.,' ` `.,' `\ ,-' ,' _ / ,,, ,,, \ `-. `-._ /-, ,' ; ' _ \ / _ ` ; `. `(`-\ /-, ; (o) (o) ; `'`, ,~-' ,-' \ ' ` / \ <_ /-. ,' \ / \ ,-' '`, ,' `-/ \-' `. `-. < /_ / / (_ _) \ \ `, `-._; ,' | .::.`-.-' :.. | `-. _\ _/ \ `:: ,^. :.:' / `. \,-' '`. ,-' /`-..-'-.-`-..-'\ `-. >_ / ; (\/( ' )\/) ; `-. _< ,-' `. \`-^^^-'/ ,' \ _< `-, ,' `. `"""""' ,' `-. <`' ') `._.,,_.' \ ,-' '._ '`'`' \ < > ,' , `-. <`' `,/ \ ,-` `, ,' | / / '; / ; ( _)| ` ( `') .-' <_ \ / hjw \ /\( `;/ ` A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted they head out together in search of her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick bush and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife said, “What are we going to do?” “Nothing,” said the husband, “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.” --- ...LOL! Thanks RichardF! -<>- \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb >How we raise kids in West Virginia Miss Sally Edwards Is a highly esteemed third grade teacher at Mercer County Elementary School. In an effort to prepare her students for the all-important TAKS test, she compiled an exam consisting of 20 questions, which she administered to her class. The exam purposely covered a broad array of topics. I call your attention to question # 11, which simply read: LIST, IN ANY ORDER, THE FOUR SEASONS: 1. ________ 2. ________ 3.________ 4. ________ Now, could you possibly imagine that 67% of the students gave the following answer? 1. SQUIRREL SEASON 2. DEER SEASON 3. RABBIT SEASON 4. TURKEY SEASON ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ . + . . . . . . . . . * . * . . . . . . + . "You Are Here" . . + . . . . | . . . . . . | . . . +. + . \|/ . . . . . . V . * . . . . + . + . . . + . . + .+. . . . . + . . . . . . . . . . . . . ! / * . . . + . . - O - . . . + . . * . . / | . + . . . .. + . . . . . * . * . +.. . * . . . . . . . . + . . + unknown >These are the laws of the natural universe: ~ Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. ~ Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. ~ Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. ~ Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. ~ Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. ~ Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. ~ Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there's never anyone in the checkout line. ~ Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You're sure you hear the phone ringing in the background, until you turn the hair dryer off. ~ Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. ~ Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. ~ Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. ~ Theater Law: At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last. ~ Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. ~ Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. ~ Law of Natural Attraction: If you and your date are the only two on a five-mile stretch of beach, the family of five will set up right next to you. ~ Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. ~ Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. ~ Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. ~ Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. ~ Law of the Last Word: "Hey, watch this!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ What does a dog say when he sits on sandpaper? Ruff, ruff! Where does NASA report a missing satellite? In the orbituary column Where do ghosts go to become pilots? Fright-school! What is the difference between a teacher and a train engineer? A teacher trains the mind, the engineer minds the train How do you know a big train just passed? You see the tracks. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Na-cho cheese! What type of dog has no tail? A hot dog! What do you call an anxious green ogre? A nervous shrek What animal should you never play cards with? A cheetah. What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` _________________________ || || || || || ||, , ,|| || || (||/|/(\||/ || || ||| _'_`||| || || || o o || || || (|| - `||) || || || = || || ScS || ||\___/|| || ||___||) , (||___|| /||---||-\_/-||---||\ / ||--_||_____||_--|| \ (_(||)-| S123-45 |-(||)_) |"""""""""""""""""""""""""""| Sher^ 2/14/98 Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes, but upon arrival at the correctional facility, he told the warden he wasn't at all worried about his future. He knew he wouldn't have to serve the full term of his penalty. "Why's that, Jimmy?" the warden asked "Sure of your appeal, are you?" "No, sir." Jimmy replied. "Already making plans to escape, then?" "Not a one, Warden." "Then why are you so sure you'll be out of here before your time is up?" "Well, Warden," says Jimmy, "it's like this. In the entire time I've been married, my wife has yet to let me finish a sentence!" --- ...LOL! Thanks RichardF! -<>- This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there Must be "deadly" at Scrabble.. (Wait till you see the last one)! PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!! DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS --- ...Good ones! Thanks RichardF! ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her com- puter needed to be brought in and serviced. He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I'll fix it for you." About ten minutes later she showed up at his door... with the electrical cord in her right hand. -<>- One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing that it had just come from the forge. He immediately dropped it and jammed his hand into his pocket, trying to act as if nothing had happened. The blacksmith noticed and asked with a grin, "Kind of hot, wasn't it?" "Nope," answered the cowboy through clenched teeth, "it just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe. -<>- As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by my friends, relatives, and co-workers. Over the years, I've noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries. In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you going out with this weekend?" In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who are you dating?" In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating anyone yet?" Now people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse?" -<>- ,=====,---. /=====/=====\ |=====|\=====; _j---j_|=====| /,-"0"-.\=====| // | \\====| ||9 o 3|D===| \\ `. //====| \`-.6.-'/=====| `j---j'|=====| |=====|/=====; \=====\=====/ `-----`---' hjw A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!" -<>- A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing wife is standing outside. "What happened, honey?" the man asks. "Oh, John, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn't notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn't make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is gone........" "Wait! Back up a minute," the man says. "My agent called?" -<>- When my wife and I went up to New England a couple of years ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns. The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub. "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down." -<>- I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. Luckily, they matched. -<>- /L|0\ / | \ / \ / | \ / \ / __ | __ \ / __/ \__ \ / /__ | __\ \ /___________________\ / | \ / _|_ \ / ____/___\____ \ ___________[o0o]___________ O O O Paul Tomblin An employee of USAir by the name of James Gay boarded a US Air flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the US Air employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said to the man now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Gay?" The man, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am." The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the plane." At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this (and was rather amused) jumped up and said, "Excuse me, you've made a mistake. I'm Gay!" Finally, another man jumped up and said, "Well, heck, I'm gay too. They can't throw us all off!" ============================================================ >-->From JokeCentral: _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >WHAT EVERY MAN EXPECTS IN A WIFE (How very true - J.R.) ~ She will always be beautiful and cheerful. ~ She could marry a movie star, but wants only you. ~ She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops. ~ Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm. ~ She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats. ~ She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it's good for her figure. ~ She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet. ~ Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow. ~ She will hate charge cards. ~ Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, honey?" ~ She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. Universe. ~ She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some sewing done. ~ She will love you because you're so sexy. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon WAKE UP CALL - WHAT HE USUALLY GETS ~ She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180. ~ She was once a model... for a totem pole. ~ Where there's smoke, there she is -- cooking. ~ She's a light eater...once it gets light, she starts eating. ~ She lets you know you only have two faults: everything you do, and everything you say. ~ No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory. ~ If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you. -<>- _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ >MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE PRAYERS ISTJ Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 11:41.23 am e.s.t. ISTP God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. ESTP God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault. ESTJ God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, just ask. ISFJ Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right. ISFP: Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don't mind my asking). ESFP: God help me to take things more seriously, especially parties and dancing. ESFJ: God give me patience, and I mean right NOW! INFJ: Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?) INFP: God, help me to finish everything I sta ENFP: God, help me to keep my mind on one th -- Look a bird -- ing at a time. ENFJ: God help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing? INTJ: Lord keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be. INTP: Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way. ENTP: Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes. ENTJ: Lord, help me slow downandnotrushthroughwatIdo. Amen. -<>- I like this bumper sticker... ========================= "If you can read this, thank a teacher; ...if you are reading it in English, thank a veteran." -<>- PUNS OF THE WEAK: RIDDLES _--_ ( A's) /___7 .~~\ /~~. /""_ V \ om /____/ / .mmmC="_ _/ -----===(((((}{).MMM "" | `"---" ..mMMM"" | \ ( )" \ /\ | / / \ \ /" / \ \ \__/" \__/ '94 the wolfe / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ Three elderly ladies love going to the ballpark to see their beloved New York Yankees play. To make the game more entertaining, they like a little bourbon to mix with their cola. Being on a fixed income and not being able to afford season tickets and gain access to the exclusive "Stadium Club" to buy thierdrinks, they have to sneak in their own bottle of boubon. The game starts and they make their drinks. Soon they realize that the bourbon is almost gone and the game has several innings left to go. Ok, Detective, using the clues given, figure out what inning it is and what is the game's status? It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded. (Arca Max) Why aren't there any Jewish mothers on parole boards? They'd never let anyone finish a sentence! (Irene A. Mystery) Why was Noah unique? He was the only Jew in the Bible allowed to have Ham (the name of one of his sons) (Cynthia MacGregor) What Shakespearean play deals with the dishonoring of a faithful wife? The Shaming of the True (Stan Kegel) What do you call a ruler who has lost his power? An Impotentate (alternate - A fallen tsar) (Clynch Varnadore) Scientists researching the predations of the snout beetle on the cotton crop sought to find a way to prevent the beetles from reproducing. In order to run their tests, they needed to have genetically identical pairs of beetles as test subjects. An enterprising entomologist bred such genetically matched beetle pairs and rented them out for tests. He became known as what? The lessor of the two weevils. (Lars Hanson) What do the old members say to newcomers when they join the origami club? We all come to the fold" (Gary Hallock) When the cops raided the strip joint, who did they arrest? Every bawdy (Cynthia MacGregor) How can you stop a leper from robbing a bank? You disarm him.(Daily Groaner) My daughter was sniveling about wanting to go out and I told her she couldn't. She used two words which mean, "How come?" I responded with two words which mean, "Stop sniveling." Oddly, the two words she used and the two I used sounded almost exactly alike. What were they? "Why not?" - "Whine not!" (By Clynch Varnadore) How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other. (Renee from Napa) COMICS We love good losers, especially on the other team. (Graffiti: Gene Mora) I don’t know who is worst, William Tell with his overtures or Heimlich with his maneuvers. (Reality Check: Dave Whamond) Doctor to patient: “You have a choice. Either lose 40 pounds or grow six inches.” (Schochet) Vote now! Pay Later! (Graffiti: Gene Mora) “Says here the Department of Fish and Game is merging with the Bureau of Gambling Casinos.” “Ah, yes! The Department of Fish and Chips.” (Shoe: Cassatt & Brookins) Politics is the most promising of all careers (Graffiti: Gene Mora) “My sermon this Sunday will be about baseball.” “Really? How does it start out?” “In the Big Inning ,,,” (Shoe: Cassatt & Brookins) “All my investments are down. At least Grimmy (the dog) will protect me in my retirement years.” “I’m her 401-K9” (Mother Goose and Grimm: Mike Peters) Frank (in caveman outfit) : I’ve just invented “a wheel”! Ernie (in a tuxedo): Big Deal - - I’ve just invented “attire”! (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves) In car on freeway: “Whenever I’m in the mood to let the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.” (Frank & Ernest: Bob Thaves) Self-Pity: The most sincere of all emotions (Graffiti: Gene Mora) ONE-LINERS: The way they are making things today, antiques will be a thing of the past in the future. (Willard R. Espy) If your daughter lived with a fellow without the benefit of clergy, would you call the guy your sin-in-law? (Joey Adams) If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag. (Russ) If your mutt is always growling angrily, it must be because he's a cross breed. (Douglas Helsel) When he played tennis, the waiter most enjoyed serving (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) He worked at a factory making eye glasses and was pushed into the machine. He made a spectacle of himself. He was framed. (Pun of the Day) The bride-to-be described her fiance as engaging. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) An elderly Jewish man, a tailor, went to the Vatican. When asked "How did you find the Pope?" he answered, "A 42 regular." (Irene A. Mystery) If you eat lots of fruit you can grow to a ripe old age. (Mike Bull) Politicians like tall buildings because they seek high offices. (Pun of the Day) A millionaire we know has filled his swimming pool with martinis. He claims it's impossible to drown, since the deeper you sink, the higher you get. (Playboy) In 1890 Cooking Oil was first bottled, … on a Fryday. (Daryl Stout) IIf you stumble over a good price for a vacation, you will have quite a trip. (Pun of the Day) The waiter at the White House raves about his job: "I love to set a president." (Joey Adams) She beat him to the garden by pre-seeding him. (Pun of the Day) News of a coming flood was leaked. (Mike Bull) Being English I insisted on a red indian -- er, native American bladder for the transplant. It had to know about Tea Pee. (Joseph Harris) Dry Cleaners: Thirty-seven years on the same spot. (Syman Hirsch) Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers. (Renee from Napa) When a son said that his ambition was to drive an army tank, his father said, 'I won't stand in your way' (Pun of the Day) The car chase scene turned the movie into a smash hit. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) News people have a press-ing need to make no margin-al errors. (Mike Bull) Old accountants never die-they just lose their balance. (Joey Adams) Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog? (Gag-O-Matic) An elderly Jewish man was hit by a car. They put a jacket under his head and asked "Are you comfortable " To which he responded "I make a living." (Irene A. Mystery) From the foreign correspondent, she received a date line. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) I'm writing a book about the recession. It starts with Chapter 11. (Renee from Napa) A guy who was good with a chain saw worked himself up to branch manager. (Pun of the Day) When it comes to death, a will is a relative thing. Or a dead giveaway. (Mike Bull) Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type here." (Renee from Napa) One day two old ladies went for a tramp in the woods but he got away. (Joey Adams) In 1886 The first accountant was hired by the Circus, but he juggled the books. (Daryl Stout) When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire. (Richard Lederer) Keep trying. Look at the man who put a hole in a Life Saver and made a mint! (Syman Hirsch) Those who get up at sunrise have many ideas dawn on them. (Mike Bull) Pipe fitters often have high pressure jobs. (Pun of the Day) The hippy described the weather report as a cool forecast. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) The spray painter wanted to paint some polka-dots, but he couldn't find a good spot. (Mike Bull) In 1945 Bakers went on strike. They said they kneaded more dough. (Daryl Stout) “When it comes to women, I'm a Don Juan.” “That's right, They Don Juan to have anything to do with you!” (Syman Hirsch) We childproofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in! (Pastor Tim) People who work at a mint make a lot of money (Pun of the Day) If you like fruit trees you can enjoy them to a ripe old age. (Mike Bull) "What kind of job do you do?" "I'm a naval surgeon," "Goodness! How you doctors specialize these days." (Medical Humor) ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Men Will Be Boys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html God's Water Paintings http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/water.html Celebrities Then And Now http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities.html World's Largest Rodent! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/caplin.html Peek-A-Bo Panda! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panda.html Nanny Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) He sent us ones we have here... Daily With Our Troops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily.html --- ...An excellent reminder! Thanks PatDe! Morons At Work http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html --- ...LOL! A fun Reminder! Thanks PatDeE! Spring In The Netherlands http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/netherlands.html --- ...Most beautiful Reminder! Thanks PatDeE! One Pair Of Hands http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6gHR8lF3s4 --- ...A sweet beautiful classic! Thanks PatDeE! MGM Stars old and all together! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVLJpjdIhVk --- ...Very cool! Thanks PatdeE! THE OWNER OF THE YARD ADDED EACH PIECE OF THE RUBE GOLDBERG CONTRAPTION SLOWLY SO THAT WHEN THE SQUIRREL LEARNED ONE SECTION AND GOT THE NUTS, THEY ADDED ANOTHER SECTION. FINALLY, IT ENDED WITH WHAT YOU SEE ON THE VIDEO! Mission Impossible Squirrel! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsuVLsDyln4 --- ...LMAO! A delight to Watch! Thanks PatDeE! Extreme Speed enforcement http://zanylol.com/speed_sign.html --- ...LOL! Well, that was cool! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From our Friend Brenda :) 2 year old dancing the jive - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wt824D1Bqg&feature=share --- ...Aww, what a cute little ham! HaHa! Thanks Brenda! Great Card Trick http://www.youtube.com/v/Uh0CMcLiRkw&feature=share --- ...Rather impressive! Thanks Brenda! How to chop wood without messing around http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vThcK-idm0 --- ...Wow, he sure does make it look easy! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : schopfer http://goo.gl/QIBQQ --- ...Awesome! Thanks Wesley! reminds me of this one... Luxury Yacht! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/luxyacht.html ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Darius Denning "This is not art to me, all these squares and things. Real art has, you know, like a madonna in it." --Unknown (from a guest book at an exhibition of modern art) "Researchers at Northwestern University said the worst-case scenario is that Swine Flu will infect 1,700 Americans over the next month. Best-case scenario? It turns you into a wolverine." --Bill Maher "I'm Jimmy, the host of the program. Unfortunately, because of the swine flu, I cannot physically hug you all. But I want you to know that I'm hugging each of you in my heart right now." --Jimmy Kimmel "According to a poll on the Marie Claire website, they asked people what they would do to keep their job? Interesting. 28 percent said they would give up their office to keep their job. 27 percent said they would work fewer hours to keep their job. And 45 percent said they would move to 10 o'clock." --Jay Leno "I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and collect insurance." --Brian Kiley "My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." --Kevin Hench "The economy is horrible, isn't it? Just horrible. Every day there are little reminders that jump right in your face and remind you how bad the economy is. This morning, I wake up, I go downstairs. The Starbucks that was in my living room has closed." --David Letterman "My father would say things that made no sense at all, like, 'If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.'" --Louie Anderson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************