Create A Vacuum Day & More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ Hope Everyone Enjoyed Their Superbowl Sunday! Did everyone notice? All week long we have raiy, snowy, cloudy days then for Staurday we are forcast with sunshine. Of course the little groundhog got spooked and so we have six more weeks of winter! Go figure. Today it is back to being cloudy. I've been real busy this weekend! I managed to get the final page in the series 'What is Love' done... :\ ;\\ ; ;; __ :/ :-",dP _.ggp. : (*).-"" :$$$$; ; T$$$; : _,- `TP ; `. _ ; WHAT IS LOVE 3 ; "" \ / ; `-+' : .-' ; \; ; : `--+'-. .---. ; ;` :_ `. : ; "-, ; / "-. : ; : .p""-. ""--..: ; : .-T$$P ""--..___l-, ; : .-" "" :\()l ; ; _________.-" $$ ;`-' ; ; bug .--""$$$$$$$P : ; '._____.-"_. 'T$$P^' : : .-" \ : '.___...-" ; : / ; ; : . / / / ; .J__ : / .' ; .; "-. ; j.-" : .'/ "-. ; : : ; .' / "---: ; ; : .-" / : : : ; .-" .-" ; ; ; / .' .-" : : : / .' .' : | ; : /\ : : ;: ; : ; ; : : ; : ; : :__ ; | : ; _L__J -`, : : '--. : l l l____l \ _`-,-: ( l ;_:-' / l |`; """ :_l :_;_l " http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove3.html I couldn't resist this and so it brought about two poetry pages as well. This one is for the ladies on our list: ,%/7\\` (/// .\\) (((( - ))) ((|)_*_/((( ))(/) (\((|) ((((\___/))(\ / ,-) (-. \ ( ( ( _ _ ) ) ) \ \ )^ ^ ^( / / ) y y ( \( )/ \_______/ Best Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html And this one is for our gentlemen on the list: ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a What Friends Are For http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/whatfriends.html I hope you Enjoy These Valentine Friend eCards! ~*~ Please Share These With Your Friends ~*~ Now normally 3 pages would be over the top for me, but not this time! I went to add some soldier pictures that was forwarded to us from our friend Del and instead wound up with a whole new page! There were more pictures there then I first realized. I again, could not resist making it into a page. I am sure you will love it too! Daily With The Troops 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily2.html ---- ...Thank You Del - This was wonderful! ================================================================ Encounter With A Porcupine , ,\|// /, _|="=\="=./_, ,//"\-/\"\= //_, Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, ,\/=/,"=/ /"=`///. known for his wry humor. He surpassed jgs ,\//="\'-.\"//-c_ a\ himself one summer day when a city dog ,\\_\=_\/=\"/,)_-"\\\_=___) was brought to him after an encounter `/-/=//,-'`--)))`--))) with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed. "Thirty dollars, Ma'am," he answered. "Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?" "Raise porcupines, Ma'am." =================================================================== +------------------- Bizarre Holidays -------------------+ February February 1 is Serpent Day February 2 is Purification Day February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day February 5 is Disaster Day February 6 is Lame Duck Day February 7 is Charles Dickens Day For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News.com p.s. The Bizarre Holidays on BizarreNews.com are up so don't hesitate to take a look. Also, the bizarre photo will be updated on Monday. ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: When I was a kid, my dad and I had a running joke. If anyone asked what he did for a living, I always said, "He's a sports mechanic. He fixes boxing matches and horse races." Once I answered a teacher this way. She flipped out and summoned my parents. Dad calmed her down by explaining it was a joke. "So what do you do?" she asked. Dad, a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company said, "I sell drugs." -<>- Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother's home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn't strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them. "Don't look at me that way," she yelled. "The phone started ringing and I couldn't figure out how to undo this stupid clip!" -<>- Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way. They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?" -<>- On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die." =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Tony in Australia :) _ /) mo / ) |/)\) /\_ \__|= ( ) __)(__ _________+______/ \______+__________ __-- | R.I.P. |-_-- __ _-- - | ___ __________ ___ | -_-- __ || | | | {| /| | || __--- --_ --__- || | | | {| /|| | ||-- - || | | | {| /||| | ||__-- __-- -__|| | | | {| |}||| | ||-- __-- ||_|_|_|_{| |}|||_|_|| -__ --__- -|| | | | {& |}||/ | ||--- __-- || | | | {| |}|/| | ||-__ -- __--|| | | | {| |}/|| | ||__-- -__ -- || | | | {| &}||| | || __ --- __-|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_---__- -- - -_ || | | | {| |}||| | || -- __ejm 97|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_--__- _--- _________||_|_|_|_{| |}|||_|_||______________ |}|/ |}/ |/ >Pecans in the Cemetery On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree Just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a Bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began Dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the Fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he Passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He Slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, One for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was, So he jumped back on his bike and rode off. Now just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, Hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe What I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing Up the souls." The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to Walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the Cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, You've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence yet were still Unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the Fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's Go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done." They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes Ahead of the boy on the bike! -- Author Unknown --- ...TeeHee! -<>- >TIPS: Cinnamon & Honey _ .--'-/] O---\ '. \__ : .' :_ ..'._.-----'/ ( '. .'''.: ____'_ '' \ :: [ U ]'. \.' : _/ \__''' __\ (_)Honey | '---' '. '.____.' : : .''. : ''..: :.' : : : .' .'. : snd '..'.....: Bet the drug companies won't like this one getting around. Facts on honey and cinnamon: It is found that a mixture of honey and cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a "Ram Ban" (very effective) medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases. Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly World News, a magazine in Canada, on its issue dated 17 January, 1995 has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists: HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also those who have already had an attack, if they do this process daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada, various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins. ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients may take daily, morning, and night, one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain. BLADDER INFECTIONS: Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder. TOOTHACHE: Make a paste of one teaspoon of cinnamon powder and five teaspoons of honey and apply on the aching tooth. This may be applied three times a day until the tooth stops aching. CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient were found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol is cured. According to information received in the said journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol. (By the way. if you're taking cholesterol medicine STOP! They all contain STATIN which weaken your muscles...including YOUR HEART and none has been shown to stop heart attacks or strokes!!!! ---- ...Paul says they say he MUST take a supplement - Q10 that helps replace what the cholesterol medicine takes away from the heart. So if you take a cholesterol blocking medication - stop taking it until you can take the supplement Q10 right along with it. COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses. UPSET STOMACH: Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root. GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan, it is revealed that if honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas. IMMUNE SYSTEM: Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and viral diseases. INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals. INFLUENZA: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural Ingredient which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu. LONGEVITY: Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also increases and even a 100 year old, starts performing the chores of a 20-year-old. PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root. SKIN INFECTIONS: Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections. WEIGHT LOSS: Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie diet. CANCER: Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three times a day. FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 p.m. when the vitality of the body starts to decrease, increases the vitality of the body within a week. BAD BREATH: People of South America, first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day. HEARING LOSS: Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restore hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real butter and cinnamon sprinkled on it! ----- ...Cool! Great ones! Thanks Tony! ==================================================================== >-->From The Jokester: | ': / ''` `:'=:;:\----::'''';::''| || .',/.-/:;:| '-+-'/| /| /-+;::-/_+//\/,//'| l| /,=/____._,.._._|_:' '|/''''' ' Y| ' -' || , /| _,' ' || ,/'..;| |t ..:'./--\ | | /; '| _'-: || o,' .-'' \,'[ `-.-\.._ ' '.t_ ,.-' | 'i,- `' `./'`-'| | \ /'_,- . \ .. \L _..=-\__v__r \. `. ` ||'-' | | _. \. | || j'': \. | || '. ':._| ''--..t || / | -| || /_ | _ / || .' ';f' | || =..-\.o-> -. i| `. |._| . Y|| \ ' ' `. -., || , ,)'| .__,_\ b'ger ' .,-.+- ,'_._\ "'-=-i"" ---- .,'. _,. -''' A Knight in a Storm A medieval knight was on a quest for his king when his horse became frightened by the lightning of a terrible storm and became lame. He went to a nearby castle in the downpour, told its gatekeeper of his problem, and asked to borrow a horse. The gatekeeper replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but we have no horses to spare." Just then, the knight noticed a huge Great Dane nearby large enough to ride. "Well, then, may I ride your Great Dane instead?" "Are you kidding?" replied the gatekeeper. "I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this!" -<>- _.,-----/=\-----,._ (__ ~~~"""""""~~~ __) | ~~~"""""""""~~~ | | | ; , , ; | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |. \_| | | |_/ .| `-,.__ ~~~ __.,-' ~~~~~ -Dan Furlani- You Know You're Castle Trash If...... · Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet · Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted · You can't afford a cod piece..... · Nobody notices You have more sheep dogs than sheep · You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have... · The plague improved your complexion...........but only for a little while · The Pope sends you to the Crusades...........in Norway · Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum · Your wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettier · The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom · Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom · You won "most improved " at the tournament · They call your daughter made Marian · Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort" · Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son -<>- To all my friends who sent me best wishes in 2007, or promises of good luck if I forwarded something...... IT DID NOT WORK! For 2008, could you please just send either money, ____...------------...____ _.-"` /o/__ ____ __ __ __ \o\_`"-._ .' / / \ \ '. |=====/o/======================\o\=====| |____/_/________..____..________\_\____| / _/ \_ <_o#\__/#o_> _/ \_ \ \_________\####/_________/ |===\!/========================\!/===| | |=| .---. |=| | |===|o|=========/ \========|o|===| | | | \() ()/ | | | |===|o|======{'-.) A (.-'}=====|o|===| | __/ \__ '-.\uuu/.-' __/ \__ | |==== .'.'^'.'.====| jgs | _\o/ __ {.' __ '.} _ _\o/ _| `""""-""""""""""""""""""""""""""-""""` chocolate, or gas vouchers. Thank you! ---- ...Ditto! Grins ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Richard :) ~-. ,,,; ~-.~-.~- (.../ ~-.~-.~-.~-.~-. } o~`, ~-.~-.~-.~-.~-.~-. (/ \ ~-.~-.~-.~-.~-.~-.~-. ; \ ~-.~-.~-.~-.~-.~-.~-. ; {_.~-.~-.~-.~-.~-.~-.~ ;: .-~` ~-.~-.~-.~-.~-. ;.: :' ._ ~-.~-.~-.~-.~- ;::`-. '-._ ~-.~-.~-.~- ;::. `-. '-,~-.~-.~-. ';::::.`''-.-' ';::;;:,:' '||" / | ~` ~"' mic >THE CHICKEN BUSINESS John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and [Et-Aheming] them when they weren't paying attention. Just remember in November that the bells are not always audible. --- ...TeeHee. A Good One! Thanks Richard! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friends Del, Casey, & MrWu :) >What decision? ____, "||||.W.|| // "| ||||^T^|| || /^^\\ \\/^\\ /^^\\ //^^|| /^^\\ || ,-'|| || || ,-'|||| || ,-'|| \\___/\\_/\;_||_ _||_\\_/\;\\__/|,\\_/\; m1a Our Canadian neighbors up north have been observng the three Ring circus act known as the US presidential primaries. Divorced from Meaningless party loyalties and other hysteria, here's an editorial that Addresses ... Brace yourself ... The qualifications / experience that the Dumocrats and some republicans offer. From hillary's phantom 35 years to Obama's ZERO years of experience and achievements it's absurd that these Twits are leading contenders for the US Presidency. WHY HASN'T THE U.S. MEDIA PUBLISHED ANYTHING SIMILAR? ++++++++++++++++ Democrat or Republican? The question is shockingly easy! Theo Caldwell, National Post (Canada) Wednesday, December 26, 2007 An obvious choice can be unnerving. When the apparent perfection of One option or the unspeakable awfulness of another makes a decision seem too Easy, it is human nature to become suspicious. This instinct intensifies as the stakes of the given choice are\ Raised. American voters know no greater responsibility to their country and To the world than to select their president wisely. While we do not yet know Who the Democrat and Republican nominees will be, any combination of the Leading candidates from either party will make for the most obvious choice Put to American voters in a generation. To wit, none of the Democrats has Any business being president. This pronouncement has less to do with any apparent perfection among The Republican candidates than with the intellectual and experiential Paucity evinced by the Democratic field. "Not ready for prime time," goes The vernacular, but this does not suffice to describe how bad things are Alongside Hillary Clinton, add Barack Obama's kindergarten essays to an Already confused conversation about Dennis Kucinich's UFO sightings, Dueling celebrity endorsements and who can be quickest to retreat from America's global conflict and raise taxes on the American people, and it Becomes clear that these are profoundly unserious individuals. To be sure, there has been a fair amount of rubbish and rhubarb on The Republican side (Ron Paul, call your office), but even a cursory review Of the legislative and professional records of the leading contenders from each party reveals a disparity akin to adults competing with children. For the Republicans, Rudy Giuliani served as a two-term mayor of New York City, turning a budget deficit into a surplus and taming what was Thought to be an ungovernable metropolis. Prior to that, he held the Third-highest rank in the Reagan Justice Department, obtaining over 4,000 Convictions. Mitt Romney, before serving as governor of Massachusetts, Founded a venture capital firm that created billions of dollars in Shareholder value, and he then went on to save the Salt Lake City Olympics. While much is made of Mike Huckabee's history as a Baptist minister, he was Also a governor for more than a decade and, while Arkansas is hardly a "cradle of presidents," it has launched at least one previous chief Executive to national office. John McCain's legislative and military career Spans five decades, with half that time having been spent in the Congress. Even Fred Thompson, whose excess of nonchalance has transformed his Once-promising campaign into nothing more than a theoretical possibility, Has more experience in the U.S. Senate than any of the leading Democratic Candidates. With just over one term as a Senator to her credit, Hillary Clinton Boasts the most extensive record of the potential Democratic nominees. In That time, Senator Clinton cannot claim a single legislative accomplishment Of note, and she is best known lately for requesting $1-million from Congress for a museum to commemorate Woodstock. Barack Obama is nearing the halfway point of his first term in the Senate, having previously served as an Illinois state legislator and, as Clinton has correctly pointed out, has done nothing but run for president since he first arrived in Washington. Between calling for the invasion of Pakistan and fumbling a simple question on driver's licenses for illegal Aliens, Obama has shown that he is not the fellow to whom the nation ought To hike the nuclear football. John Edwards, meanwhile, embodies the adage that the American people Will elect anyone to Congress -- once. From his $1,200 haircuts to his Personal war on poverty, proclaimed from the porch of his 28,000-square-foot Home, purchased with the proceeds of preposterous lawsuits exploiting infant cerebral palsy, Edwards is living proof that history can play out as tragedy And farce simultaneously. Forget for a moment all that you believe about public policy. Discard your notions about taxes and Iraq, free trade and crime, and Consider solely the experience of these two sets of candidates. Is there any Serious issue that you would prefer to entrust to a person with the Democrats' experience, rather than that of any of the Republicans? Does this decision not become unsettlingly simple? --- ...Yeah, it seems like child's play - a DUH in motion. Thanks Del! ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Barbara :) _._ ,-" T "-. ,. ( _____ ) // ,. \/| ,'. |\/ /\/ \<\ // \ - / \\/ /` \>\,(\_____/`---"\__/_//) \/\ ) ((| ~ |)) ( "\ Y______\\"-"//______\ \/ \\ // \ / / \\/ ,--. , \ / / \\([JW])|, \ ( `| \\`--" | ) "_ | \\ | _" "_ \-.__ ||__,-._" ")-.__`----'__,-" (c) J.Weseler / `----' \ / || | / // \ | || \ / // | / //\\ | | || \\ \ | || || | |___________|| \\_______\ [___________|] [|_______] |Y/| /\\/_ (mmn (_((__nm [___] [_______] >Doctor's Convention A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks." A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks." A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks." The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, send her to Washington where she will become President and then half the country will be out looking for work in one week." ---- ...TeeHee. Thanks Barbara! ===================================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: >From Lifescript: 10 Ways to Lower Your Cholesterol Naturally Heart disease is the #1 killer in the U.S., responsible for one death every 35 seconds. No matter how old you are, it’s never too early or too late to protect your heart. And there’s no better time to do it than now. In her book, Cholesterol Down (Three Rivers Press, 2006), Janet Bond Brill, Ph.D., R.D., highlights cholesterol-lowering foods that will satisfy your stomach and keep your ticker healthy. Plus: Test your heart attack risk... click here to read more http://www.lifescript.com/HA/32437_4238409_6933_0.htm -<>- >From AFA: AFA will not bow down to a threat from a liberal left-wing group The Rev. Barry Lynn, the executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, has asked that the Internal Revenue Service investigate the American Family Association. Lynn says that AFA has violated IRS rules by distributing a voters guide. For years, Rev. Lynn and his Americans United, along with groups such as the American Civil Liberties Union and People for the American Way, have used threats to silence Christians in an attempt to take away their First Amendment rights. The tragedy is that he has been successful in silencing thousands of ministers. Let me make one thing clear to Rev. Lynn and his cohorts. We have no intention of bowing down to his threatening demands. Rev. Lynn is mistaken if he thinks his threat will scare this minister from exercising his First Amendment rights. Lynn has also included a threat to churches. Trying to scare ministers from exercising their rights, Lynn said: "Any church that distributes these biased guides is risking its tax exemption and casting aside its integrity." The AFA Voters Guide was developed by three constitutional lawyers and reviewed by three more constitutional lawyers following Rev. Lynn's threat. All agreed that the voters guide is perfectly legal. The Alliance Defense Fund has offered to represent (free of charge) churches or organizations which distribute the voter's guide and encounter opposition from either Lynn or the IRS. Take Action! * Show Rev. Lynn that his threats don't scare you by printing and distributing the AFA Voter's Guide. Click here. http://www.afa.net/pdfs/08vg.pdf * Forward this to family and friends. --- ...This shows why I like Mike Huckabee - just as conservative as I am. -<>- >From Grassfire: Illegal Aliens To Get Tax Rebates I have just learned that the just passed House Stimulus package intended to jump-start a sagging economy by giving citizens rebates, also includes cash benefits for illegal aliens! Yes, you read that right. According to FOX News, the plan would benefit those illegal aliens who qualify as "resident aliens" - meaning they have spent a substantial amount of time in the U.S. and have not yet been deported. These so-called "resident aliens" also must have been assigned an Individual Tax Identification Number. What? Assigning a tax number to an illegal alien in-effect legitimizes their right to be in the U.S! As Rep. Tom Tancredo said to FOX News, the bill will certainly stimulate "more illegal immigration." Once again this is a slap in the face to citizen taxpayers, and I'm calling on you to take immediate action with me by calling your Senators and demanding rebates to illegal aliens be dropped from this bill. This bill easily passed through the House (385-35), and it is my hope that our Grassfire team will be able to restore some sense and sensibility as this bill progresses through the Senate. But don't delay. Call and express your outrage today. Thank you for taking immediate action with me. Steve P.S: After calling your Senators, please forward this message on to your taxpaying friends and family members. Encourage them first to sign our petition by clicking below, and call their Senate leadership as well. ++ Sign our "Secure Our Borders" petition: http://www.grassfire.org/42/petition.asp -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: Mass. nominates female official groundhog Massachusetts lawmakers have nominated a female woodchuck as the state's official groundhog, a move that would make her the first female to hold such a title. The legislators, tired of turning to Pennsylvania's Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog Day, nominated Ms. G -- short for Groundhog -- to be the first official groundhog of the state, the Boston Globe reported. "What does Punxsutawney Phil know about Massachusetts?" said Christy Foote-Smith, sanctuary director at the Massachusetts Audubon Society's Drumlin Farm, where the 4-year-old Ms. G resides. "We need our own groundhog." Most states give the job to male groundhogs, because they tend to rise from hibernation earlier than their female counterparts, who normally wait in their dens at the end of winter until the males arrive for mating. However, officials said the time has come for groundhog gender equality. "Don't you think the nation is ready for an official female groundhog?" said Audubon spokeswoman Jan Kruse. The state Legislature is expected to consider the nomination this year. "She's currently running unopposed," Kruse said. "But who knows, there may be a strong write-in candidate." Jagermeister ad criticized for sexism Sweden's Trade Ethical Council against Sexism in Advertising has criticized a Jagermeister advertisement for being "offensive to women." The council said the ad, which features three women drinking the company's alcoholic beverage in a bar, uses women's bodies in a sexual way that is offensive to women, The Local reported Thursday. In the ad, two of the women quickly cover their breasts after downing Jagermeister. "The third woman forgets to do the same, and when the camera zooms in on her breasts the cold drink has made her nipples stiff," the council said. The council said in its advisory ruling that the TV spot was "offensive to women in general" and by showing the ad, Jagermeister failed to abide by the principle "that advertising should be created with due regard for social responsibility." _ _ ( `-.__.-' ) `-. .-' \ / || || //\\ // \\ || || ||____|| One-legged man charged with crutch attack ||====|| \\ // \\// jgs || || || || || || || || [] A one-legged Ohio man is facing a felonious assault after allegedly attacking a female relative with his crutch. Charles Kraft, 43, of East Price Hill could face a maximum prison sentence of 10 years if convicted of hitting Jennifer Hutching, 21, with his crutch during a dispute over a card game, The Cincinnati Enquirer reported Tuesday. Kraft, who is related to Hutching through his wife, was jailed Tuesday in lieu of $10,000 bond. The man, who lost his left leg to bone cancer, was arrested in December on two counts of aggravated menacing. Kraft was charged with threatening to kill another man and firebomb his house. The two arresting officers said he threatened to kill them upon his release from jail. He was convicted on one count, and the other was later dropped. -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Blind 92-year-old golfer gets hole-in-one --------- CLEARWATER, Fla. - A 92-year-old Florida man who is legally blind stroked a 110-yard hole-in-one while golfing with friends earlier this month, a St. Petersburg newspaper said. Leo Fiyalko, who suffers from blindness caused by macular degeneration, landed his first hole-in- one on the par-three, 110-yard hole at Cove Cay Country Club in Clearwater in front of three members of his golf group, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Thursday. "It was my first hole-in-one, and I never saw it. I was just trying to put the ball on the green," Fiyalko said. Fiyalko's golf group, the Twilighters Club, presented him with a plaque last week which reads, "Leo Fiyalko, hole- in-one, five iron, 110 yards." -- Mom of twins didn't know she was pregnant -------- CINCINNATI - A woman who gave birth to fraternal twins at a Cincinnati hospital says she had no idea she was pregnant until one of the twins came out in the bathroom. Nicole Davis said she was told years ago by doctors that she could not have children, WKRC-TV, Cincinnati, reported Thursday. She said she went to Good Samaritan Hospital because she was in pain and did not know the cause. "And I'm like, 'I just feel so sick, so I went to the restroom,'" Davis said. "All of a sudden my son came. I delivered him in the restroom, in the toilet." Davis, who gave birth to son, Kyren, and daughter, Kyra, said doctors told her when she arrived at the hospital that her pains were the result of early onset menopause. -- Church computers allegedly used for porn -------- HAMILTON, N.J. - A civilian New Jersey State Police employee has been charged with sneaking into his church at night to use a nun's computer to view online pornography. Thomas Findler was arrested early Wednesday at Grace-St. Paul Episcopal Church in Hamilton, just outside the state capital, Trenton, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported Thursday. A custodian flagged down a police car after finding Findler on the nun's computer. Lt. James Kostoplis, a police detective, said Findler had copies of keys to the church in his possession when he was arrested. Church officials had become aware that someone was using a computer after hours to access pornographic Web sites, the detective added. Findler, who has worked as a state police clerk for several years, was charged with burglary, theft and theft of services. ---- ...A Perfect example of the lure of pornography! Check out this teaching... _ _{Ss //\\_/_/\Ss _/_| \_/ \_ pb LURE OF PORNOGRAPHY ** Part 1 Proverbs 1: 7 -- The fear [reverence or obedience] of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. What I am about to teach you from the Word of God focuses on a subject that very few teachers of God's Word will address. Pornography can become dangerous, especially when it becomes an addiction, such as alcohol or gambling. Visit Here for the rest... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/lureofpornography1.html ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Fig :) >I don't care who said this, I agree 100% ,-------------. ( Who Wouldn't? ) _ O `-------------' ,'-`. o :_ _: ..._ \ _ / _.,, `-.>. _,-`-'-._ ,<,-' : \ / _ `./ ; \ ` '_) / \ ,| (_, |. / `' | . | `' :_______: | | | | | . | | | | | | | | | | | | | |___:___| /___/___\ SSt Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few weeks back: I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door. Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE? I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability. I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in Englis h, see the above lines. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say 'NO!' I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be 'African-Americans'? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else And if you don't like my point of view, tough... I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! And what about CANADIANS-We feel the same. Bravo for the Canadians too!!! I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to BE QUIET!!! If you agree, pass this on, if not delete. --- ...YES - I am just THAT Conservative! Thanks Fig :) ======================================================================= >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) .------.____ .-' \ ___) .-' \\\ .-' ___ \\) .-' / (\ |) __ \ ( | | / \ \__'| | Tea Tax? / \____).-' .' / | / . / | .' / \/ | / / \ | / / _|_ \ / /\ /\ \ / /__v__\ ' | | | .#| VK |#. .##| |#######| |#######| >TAXATION (how it works) Today's Economic Lesson in Taxation Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing The fifth would pay $1 Sixth would pay $3 Seventh $7 Eighth $12 Ninth $18 The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59 So, they decided. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. Since you are all such good customers, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20 Now dinner for the ten only cost $80 The group still wanted to pay their bill the same as we our taxes The first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share'? The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, the fifth and the sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal So, it was suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount to pay. So,The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings) The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings) The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings) The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings) The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings) The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings) Each of the six was better off than before The first four continued to eat for Free Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man He pointed to the tenth man, he got $10. That's right, exclaimed the fifth man, I only saved a dollar. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me That's true, shouted the seventh man. Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks Wait a minute, yelled the first four men in unison (who paid nothing), We didn't get anything at all The system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner The nine ate without him, But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered they didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Distinguished Professor of Economics 536 Brooks Hall University of Georgia Ps.: SIMPLE-- KILL THE GOLDEN GOOSE, YOU HAVE NO MORE GOLDEN EGGS`. I`ve tried to explain this to several of my friends, The `Producers` of our products, feed, clothe, and shelter our nation. This is Why we are the greatest Nation on on Earth CAPITALISM, DEMOCRACY(it works) We should help the poor, but If the Man with the means to produce, is taxed beyond his efforts,and should he decides,WHY SHOULD I CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE TO BE SUCCESSFUL, WITH EVERY ONE`S HANDS IN MY POCKETS? I DON`T NEED THIS Then we all loose , and our way of `LIFE` will end, as Our Great Nation will slip away forever! Yours~~~~John-paul --- ...Interesting indeed! Thanks John-Paul! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Becky :) Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin People to git Cancer ?" "Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer. "And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat An cloggin their arteries with all Them burgers an fries, is that True, Mista Lawyer?" Sure is, Bubba." "And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot Coffee that she ordered?" Yep." "And that football player sued that university when he Gradiated and Still couldn't read?" "That's right," said the lawyer." "But why are you asking?" _.._..,_,_ ( ) ]~,"-.-~~[ .=])' (; ([ "Well, I was a thinkin ... | ]:: ' [ '=]): .) ([ |:: ' | ~~----~~ Paul Martin Howard What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser Fer all Them ugly women I slept with?" ---- ...LOL Thanks Becky! ============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: A farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the money. "Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills off." Said the farmer. "And what about the rest?" The reporter asks. The farmer shrugs, "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait." ======================== Whenever I accompanied my aunt on her visits to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes." ======================== After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 apples." ========================= The squad of recruits had been out to the rifle range for their first try at marksmanship. They knelt at 300 meters and fired. Not a hit. They moved up to 250 meters and fired. Not a hit. They tried at 200 meters. Not a hit. They tried at 150 meters. Not a hit. They tried again at 100 meters. Not a hit. They moved up to 50 meters. Not a hit. So they moved up to point blank range... "Tenshun!" the sergeant barked, "Fix bayonets! Charge! It's your only chance!" ======================== At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Golfing Lines ** Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth." Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a conincidence." Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass." Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day." Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir." +++++++++++++++++++++++ ** You know you're Ready For The Senior Citizens Discount when ** 1. You and your teeth don't sleep together. 2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. 3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. 4. Your back goes out but you stay home. 5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture. 6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. 7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. 8. When happy hour is a nap. 9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.. 10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it. 11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. 12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. 13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. 14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. 15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer. 16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr. 17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend. 19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot. 20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals. 21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good. 22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work. 23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time. 24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there. 25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good. 26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore. 27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. 28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. +++++++++++++++++++++ ** You know you're from a Small Rural Town if... ** - You can name everyone you graduated wiith. - You know what 4-H is. - You ever went to parties at a pasture,, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. - You used to drag "main." - You said the 'F' word and your parentss knew within the hour. - You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunnting. - You were ever in the Homecoming paradee. - You have ever gone home for Homecomingg. - It was cool to date someone from the nneighbouring town. - You had senior skip day. - The whole school went to the same partty after graduation. - You don't give directions by street naames or directions by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field). - The cc golf course had only 9 holes. - You can't help but date a friend's ex--girlfriend. - You think kids that ride skateboards aare weird. - The town next to you is considered "trrashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town. - Getting paid minimum wage is considereed a raise - You refer to anyone with a house newerr than 1960 as the "rich people." - Anyone you want can be found at eitherr the Dairy Queen or the feed store. - Football coaches suggest that you haull hay for the summer to get stronger. - Directions are given using "the" gas sstation as a reference. - The city council meets at the coffee sshop. - Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart. - Even the ugly people enter beauty pageeants. - You decide to walk somewhere for exerccise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride. - Your teachers remember when they taughht your parents. - You can charge at all the local storess. - The closest McDonald's is 45 miles awaay. - So is the closest mall. - It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ _ \`*-. ) _`-. How to . : `. . : _ ' \ ; *` _. `*-._ Photograph a Cat `-.-' `-. ; ` `. :. . \ . \ . : .-' . ' `+.; ; ' : : ' | ; ;-. ; ' : :`-: _.`* ; [bug] .*' / .*' ; .*`- +' `*' `*-* `*-* `*-*' Put the cat on a pillow. Set up your camera. Put the cat back on the pillow. Get a bowl of food and put it next to the pillow. Put the cat back on the pillow. Grab the food bowl and follow the cat. As you run, hold the bowl in your cat's face, tempting her to eat. See if the neighbors will come over and pick up the sofa while you snap a picture of the cat underneath. Cross the names of your neighbors off the list for your next party. Put the cat back on the pillow. Place a catnip-stuffed mouse in front of your cat and wait for your cat to go crazy. Go back to the pet store and demand a refund. Decide on a family portrait with the cat instead. To stop the argument over which child gets to pose with the cat, agree to take pictures of each child holding the cat on their lap. Tell each child that it doesn't matter who holds the cat first because you'll shuffle the pictures after they're developed and look at them in a different order than the order they were taken. Get more cats, one for each child, and go back to step one. (There! It's a piece of cake!) ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ) _. mmeeoowwrr! (___)'' / ,_,/ ** What Cats Must Try To Remember ** /'"\ )\ itz ** If I bite the cactus, it will bite back. ** Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself. ** If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry. ** The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor. ** Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail. ** It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee. ** If I play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Church Funeral ** A new minister in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days desperately calling on the membership, begging them to come to his first services ... He failed. He placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that as the church was dead, it was his duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said. Morbidly curious the whole town turned out. In front of the pulpit, they saw a high coffin, smothered in flowers. The minister read the obituary and delivered a eulogy; he then invited his congregation to step forward and pay their respects to the dearly beloved who had departed. The long line filed by. Each mourner peeped into the coffin and then turned away with a guilty, sheepish look. For in the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror. Everyone saw himself. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Make Up Your Mind, Son ** The young man told his father, "I want to marry a good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." His father told him he'd better make up his mind. ++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Do You Remember These ** _ |-|____________________ /|_|_\ /__,''___ /____ /| |HHHHHH| \_/ |HHHHH|/| |``````|_________|`````| | | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | .-/\-, | | | _\\//_ | | | | /(_)| | | |_______|_||.-.|_______|/| |HHHHHHH| ||:_ |HHHHHHH|/| |```````|_||:_)|```````| | | |______| | | | ______ | | | (__24__) | | | ~~~~~~~~ | | | blabla jreibla blabl | | |______________________|/ 1- Candy cigarettes 2- Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside. 3- Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles. 4- Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes 5- Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum 6- P. F. Flyers 7- Telephone numbers with a word prefix ... (Drexel- 5505) 8- 45 RPM Records 9- Hi-fi's 10- Metal ice cube trays--with levers 11- Blue flash Bulbs 12- Cork pop guns 13- Tinkertoys 14- The Erector Set 15- Lincoln Logs 16- 15 cent McDonald hamburgers 17- 5 cent packs of baseball cards ... with that awful pink slab of bubble gum ** If you can, you may be about 60 to 65 years old give or take a few years ** ================================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit :) >From TheMouth 14 TO 42: NEW YORK CITY SIGNS http://www.14to42.net/ WEDDING BETTING http://www.weddingbetting.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links Think Test http://www.oldjoeblack.0nyx.com/thinktst.htm Lowering Triglycerides http://www.healthy-heart-guide.com/lowering-triglycerides.html Please vote for the DMC's Children's Hospital of Michigan to receive a fun center from Colgate! Follow the link attached. We are currently in second place. http://tinyurl.com/yuxcjd Lost Cities http://www.shunya.net/Pictures/Highlights/LostCities.htm Dentyne http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21728.htm Dogs http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21729.htm Cookie Blues http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21727.htm Pension http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21315.htm Pringles Dogs http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21317.htm Head On http://www.buffalosjokes.com/60530.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Sometimes I sit for hours weighing the fine distinctions among the words spunk, pluck, nerve, chutzpah, gall and moxie." --George Carlin "Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?" --Lisa Claymen "I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world with- out hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." --Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy "Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek pro- fessional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek profession- al help." - Jay Leno "Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost what it feels about dogs. - John Osborne "Never accept a drink from a urologist." - Erma Bombeck "Even the people who know nothing about football watch the Super Bowl. Like the Miami Dolphins." - Jay Leno "Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had their debate on Hollywood Boulevard. Which is unusual. Normally the debate on Hollywood Boulevard is, Is that a man or a woman?" - Craig Ferguson "Republican debate last night. Nasty. At one point Mitt Romney got so upset, so agitated, that his hair cracked." - David Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************