Crocodile Smiles And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first hot new page is from our friend Linda and LouiseAu. Just brings us warm fuzzy feelings learning of this story of a unique friendship between man and beast! Check this out here and be sure to see the videos here too! ,. ,_> `. ,'; ,-`' `' '`'._ ,,-) ---._ | .---''`-),. ,' `. \ ; / _,' `, ,--' ____ \ ' ,' ___ `-, _> /--. `-. .-'.--\ \__ '-, ( `. `.,`~ \~'-. ,' ,' ) _\ _> \ \ ,' ') ) `. / / <,. ,-' _, \ ,' ( / `. / `-, `-.,-' `.,' ` `.,' `\ ,-' ,' _ / ,,, ,,, \ `-. `-._ /-, ,' ; ' _ \ / _ ` ; `. `(`-\ /-, ; (o) (o) ; `'`, ,~-' ,-' \ ' ` / \ <_ /-. ,' \ / \ ,-' '`, ,' `-/ \-' `. `-. < /_ / / (_ _) \ \ `, `-._; ,' | .::.`-.-' :.. | `-. _\ _/ \ `:: ,^. :.:' / `. \,-' '`. ,-' /`-..-'-.-`-..-'\ `-. >_ / ; (\/( ' )\/) ; `-. _< ,-' `. \`-^^^-'/ ,' \ _< `-, ,' `. `"""""' ,' `-. <`' ') `._.,,_.' \ ,-' '._ '`'`' \ < > ,' , `-. <`' `,/ \ ,-` `, ,' | / / '; / ; ( _)| ` ( `') .-' <_ \ / hjw \ /\( `;/ ` Zion The Lion! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zionthelion.html --- ...So sweet! Thanks Ladies! This next too hot to handle scorcher is from our friends PatDeE, Geniann, Bunni and Karen. This one truly gives ones pause and reminds us how thankful we should be for all our blessings today. It used to be an exceptionally hard life for pioneers! Check this one out here... ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm The REAL Old West! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldwest.html --- ...Wow! Amazing photos! Thanks my friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: .-. __/ ( , '-.____\ u=='/ \ /_/ \ .-'' | ( ____/_____ _>_/.-------- \/// // snd // A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'" -<>- A pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only 10 minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for two hours and 48 minutes. The congregation has to mob him to get him down from the pulpit, and they ask him what happened. The pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife's teeth in and couldn't stop talking. -<>- At a family gathering, a husband began teasing his wife about how she always get her way. "Honey," she said to her husband, "when I get my way, that's a compromise." "What is it when I get my way?" he was quick to ask. She replied, "That's a miracle." -<>- Teacher: Do you know how many feet are there in a yard? Student: Well, first tell me how many people are there in the yard. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 7 is Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day November 8 is U.S. General Election Day and Young Readers Day November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day and USMC Day November 11 is Veteran's Day November 12 is Chicken Soup for the Soul Day November 13 is Caregiver Appreciation Day, National Indian Pudding Day, Sadie Hawkins Day and World Kindness Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >Teenage Communication Our 15-year-old son asked me to drive him to his friend's house. Once we were in the car and several minutes had passed in silence, I attempted to open the lines of communication. "Did you have a nice day at school?" "Yep." "Any homework to do?" "Nope." "You got your hair cut" "Yep." "This is a monosyllabic conversation isn't it?" "Yep." "You do know what monosyllabic means?" "Yep." "Well, tell me." Aha, I thought, now he has to give me a dictionary explanation. With a mischievous grin and a sly look at me, he replied, "One." -<>- >At the Dentist As a dentist, I recently tried out a new chocolate-flavored pumice paste on my patients. No one liked it except for a six-year-old boy. While I polished his teeth, he continued to smile and lick his lips. "You must really like this new flavor," I said. "Yep," he replied, nodding with satisfaction. "It tastes just like the time I dropped my candy bar in the sandbox." -<>- >Out of Gas When my father ran out of gas, he called my mother to pick him up in her car. They went to a gas station, filled a gas can, and returned to his car. After a few minutes, he got into her car again. "We need to go back to the gas station," he said. "One gallon wasn't enough?" she asked. "It would have been if I'd put it in the right car." -<>- >New Teacher A young lady graduated from college and started teaching at an area school. One day she went with a friend to a nearby restaurant for lunch. A man seated next to her asks, "Are you a teacher?" Surprised but happy, she replied, "Why, yes, I certainly am!" She enjoyed a warm feeling throughout the meal ... she looked like a teacher, and this made her feel great. As she was leaving the restaurant, she asked the man, "How did you know I was a teacher?" "You have chalk dust on your rear", he replied. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! >SMILES A new mother went to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "Since I had the baby I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?" "Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor." -------- One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde. "Sure," said the other blonde. "Well, hold on tight. I'm taking away the ladder." -------- Bambi, a buxom blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her. When Bambi said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!" She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant! He was ecstatic! They had been trying for awhile. He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!" Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!" He asked, "What do you mean, 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to pharmacy and bought the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!" ------- A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie. "Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And poof! She was a smartphone! -------- After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, "You were much better than the preacher we had last Sunday. He spoke for an hour and said nothing." "Thank you," the visiting preacher replied. "Yes," she continued. "You did it in fifteen minutes." ------- Susan phones her husband, Nick, at work for a chat. Nick: "I'm sorry dear, but I'm up to my neck in work today." Susan: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear." Nick: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." Susan: "Well, the air bag works." -------- A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part!" -------- John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door ... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't running. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it... Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying ... and wasn't drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other... ‘Look Paddy ... there's that crazy idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!' | ------- More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowboy. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" -------- A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, "Have you got any books about committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf." The chap came back a few moments later and said, "I can't find any at all." The librarian replied, "Yes, it's awful. The swine's never bring 'em back!" -------- Last night, I had a discussion with Kimberly about her life management skills (or lack thereof). I told her that I thought she should start making lists of things to do so she doesn't forget anything. Before bed, I saw her writing some things down and I smiled, "Is that your list for tomorrow, Kim?" "Yep!!" (proud smile) I totally forgot about her to-do list until after school when I found it on the kitchen table where she left it. The first item on the list said: "1. Take list out of my pocket." -------- T \`. T | T .--------------.___________) \ | T ! | |//////////////|___________[ ] ! T | ! `--------------' ) ( | ! mn '-' ! While carpenters were working outside the old house a woman had just bought, She busied myself with indoor cleaning. She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," She said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained." -------- Man: "God, how much is a million years for you?" God: "Like a minute." Man: "God, how much is a million dollars for you?" God: "Like a penny." Man: "Then, could you lend me a penny?" God: "In a minute..." -------- Teacher: "Daniel, if you had a dollar in your hand and you asked your dad for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in your hand?" Daniel: "A dollar." Teacher: "Daniel, apparently you don't know math..." Daniel: "Apparently you don't know my dad." --- ...LOL! Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ------- (\ /) \/ W.Madison \/ (\ /) (X) o00- _ _ -00o (X) (/|\) (')< >(') (/|\) | (@ ) ( @) | \|/|||||||||| ^^ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ^^ ||||wsm|||\|/ ~~~~ ~~~~ >GARDENING GOD'S WAY Plant three rows of peas: Peace of mind Peace of heart Peace of soul Plant four rows of squash: Squash gossip Squash indifference Squash grumbling Squash selfishness Plant four rows of lettuce: Lettuce be faithful Lettuce be kind Lettuce be obedient Lettuce really love one another No garden without turnips: Turnip for service Turnip to help one another Water freely with patience and Cultivate with love. There is much fruit in your garden because you reap what you sow. To conclude our garden we must have thyme: Thyme for God Thyme for study Thyme for prayer ------- I am not a crook! \ \ , | , \ / ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | >One liners for election year Why is it that we can see the simple truth in these one liners but we cant seem to learn from them? If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno~ The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII~ We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office ~Aesop~ If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers~ Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev~ When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow~ Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton~ Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author unknown~ Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~Ronald Reagan~ Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer~ I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~ A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex Guinan~ I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle~ Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson~ There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on Congressmen. ~Will Rogers~ We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate. ~Kin Hubbard~ --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! That's why Trump is top of our list - he is NOT a politician - he's just tired of how badly this country has gone down hill and he wants to help it and give back to it for all his blessings. Obama came from his g-d the USA church of 20 some years and in 8 years he has mostly fulfilled his aspirations of g-D-ing it by making our Nation less prosperous, - Hannity: Real State of The Union: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBK7xRfeJsk - less strong, less Godly and less united as one people under God. Now it is going to take a lot of work to Make our Country Great Again! It isn't going to happen with the failed legacy of Hillary - she's had 30 years in office and only has made herself and her friends and family rich from it. We can't even name anything she has done that has been good for America. Why give her 4 years to continue Obama's legacy of corruption and downward spiral? Time for a change. We don't have anything to loose by going with Trump. Might as well give him a shot at it. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >Smiles _.-"\ _.-" \ ,-" \ ( \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _.-; \ \ _.-" : \ \,-" _.-" \( _.-" -shimrod `--" A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?" --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Pastor Robert Jeffress: Why Christians Must Vote in this election! (staying home is not an option) http://tinyurl.com/hg55bod -<>- >From Christian Coalition: Click Here to Download Your Free Voter Guides http://www.cc.org/download_2016_voter_guides -<>- >From AFA: A critical message to American Christians about the presidential election. This video has gotten more positive reaction from AFR listeners and AFA supporters than anything we've seen in a long time. It is an inspirational sermon, preached by Rev. Tommy Nelson, pastor of Denton Bible Church, in Denton, Texas, on October 23, 2016. It is titled, "Continental Divide," and it addresses many of the questions that people have regarding Christians and politics - and especially this election. Please watch this video and pass it along to friends and family. http://tinyurl.com/gnvktco Hillary Clinton Directed HER MAID to Print Out CLASSIFIED MATERIALS No security clearance - How can Hillary ever be trusted as our President? She is totally incompetent! http://tinyurl.com/z5zv4wf BREAKING: Homeland Security Chairman Says Hillary Guilty of “TREASON” http://conservativetribune.com/security-chair-hillary-treason/ BREAKING: FBI Has Shock Evidence of Hillary “Orgy Island” Retreats http://conservativetribune.com/hillary-orgy-island-bombshell/ Disgusting WikiLeaks Revelation Exposes Benghazi Bombshell Nobody Saw Coming http://tinyurl.com/gmms7az From MRC http://em.mrc.org/P000L0KRYB0qu80g06qS2d0 From MRCtv http://em.mrc.org/a0000Y02dR0600GSLBLf8qK From RightAlerts http://rightalerts.com/ From Manhattan Declaration Digest http://tinyurl.com/zhevhtt -<>- >From BizarreNews: A man stole a police car after and live streamed as he drove the car with lights and siren. The Oklahoma man was able to take the car when the female police officer left her keys in her unlocked cruiser during a coffee break. 25-year-old John Pinney got into the police vehicle and drove off. He led police on a 30-minute chase. During the pursuit, Pinney recorded four separate Live Facebook videos. At one point, he said that he was driving with his knees so that he can record the videos for his Facebook friends. He also stopped the police car, and got out to record the surroundings before speeding off again. Police said that the Pinney reached a speed of 120 miles per hour during the pursuit. He eventually decided to stop at his parent's house, where he was arrested. Pinney, who has a long criminal history, was charged with auto theft, possession of a firearm, and eluding police. After the arrest, the police sergeant said that he would encourage every criminal out there to livestream their crime so that they can be caught and so that the video can be shown at their trial for a better chance of conviction. -<>- A 12-year-old boy was arrested on a charge of drunk driving after allegedly driving drunk and leading police on a high- speed chase, according to police in Texas. The boy, who was not identified, was charged with driving while intoxicated, failing to stop and render aid, and evading police. Austin police said that the incident unfolded around 7:30 a.m. A police officer noticed that a vehicle was weaving in and out of traffic. The officer attempted to pull over the driver, but he sped up and led police on a high-speed chase. At some point, the driver hit another vehicle head on. Surprisingly, the boy managed to drive away. Eventually, the boy hit a utility pole, and the vehicle overturned, ending the chase. Police approached the vehicle, and it was then that they realized the age of the suspect and that he was drunk. He was taken to a hospital after suffering minor injuries. *----------------- Cookie, NO! -----------------* Police are looking to arrest a man on a charge of assault after allegedly stabbing Cookie Monster, who was trying to stop a fight, according to police in New York. The New York Police Department said that the incident unfolded in Times Square, where people dress as characters to collects tips from tourists in exchange for photos. 24-year-old Christopher Ramos told police that he dressed as Cookie Monster in order to collect tips from tourists. At some point, a fight broke out between a 30-year-old man who was dressed as a fighter pilot and a man who was dressed as an American Indian. Ramos stepped in to try to stop the fight, but the 30-year-old man pulled out a knife and stabbed Cookie Monster in the back. So far, no arrests have been made. *------------- A Little Off The Top -------------* A hair dresser was jailed after pleading guilty to practicing medicine without a license and causing a man to lose his manhood. 49-year-old Nery Carvajal Gonzalez, who worked as a hairdresser in Miami, Florida, was sentenced to 40 months in prison, in a plea deal with prosecutors in which she agreed to testify against Mark Schreiber, who also worked as an unlicensed doctor. Gonzalez offered her customers body enhancement procedures. One man took her up on the offer, as her prices were low. The man told police that Gonzalez gave him butt injections and he was very happy with the results. He later returned to her for a privates enlargement. However, she botched the procedure. She then recommended that the victim should go to Schreiber, 61, who police said lost his license 10 years ago over botched plastic surgeries. Schreiber told the man that he will be removing the filler that was injected. However, he made things much worse after he mutilated the man's private parts, leaving it just 1 inch long. The victim is no longer able to make love due to the botched procedure. *----- California Town Invaded by Turkey(s) -----* A California city has voted to remove and re-locate an increasing number of aggressive turkeys. One particularly aggressive Turkey, known as "Downtown Tom," prompted several residents of Davis, Calif., to call local police for help. "Yes, this is almost embarrassing. I am trying to get into my office on G Street in Davis and I have this huge turkey surrounding my car, circling me and I don't know what to do," one caller said. "I don't want to run it over but I can't stay in my car all morning, is there any advice you can give me?" The Davis City Council voted 4-1 in favor of a more than $20,000 trap-and-release program in response to the presence of up to 40 aggressive wild turkeys. The ordinance allows for lethal removal of the turkeys, including Downtown Tom, who managed to escape capture by wildlife officials. The city also placed signs in the downtown area giving residents tips for dealing with the aggressive fowl. "Be the dominant species, essentially," City Wildlife Resource Specialist John McNerney said, summarizing the advice. "Don't let it intimidate you, which can be difficult for some folks." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _____________ | ___ ___ ___ | ||_=_|_=_|_=_|| ||____===____|| ||____===____|| _|_____________|_ | _______________ | ||.-----___-----.|| |||_____________||| ||.-----___-----.|| |||_____________||| ||.-----___-----.|| |||_____________||| ||.-----___-----.|| ||| ||| |||_____________||| ''==============='' (o)LGB (o) >THE MODERN TOOLBOX: Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels. Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911. Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice. -<>- A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?" "Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." -<>- Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. "I'm not busy now," he replied. "bring it right in." A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit. "Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit." She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?" -<>- Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten, miserable beasts I have ever seen." One of the buffalo turned to the other and said, "You know, I think I just heard a discouraging word." -<>- My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games." -<>- After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back." -<>- A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." -<>- Little Johnny's mother overheard him reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch..." "Johnny!" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use those kinds of words." "But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother called the teacher to complain. "Oh, heavens," said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.'" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ >Business one-liners * A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country. * A backscratcher will always find new itches; * A brown-noser will always find new sense. * A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. * A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him. * A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead. * A bird in the hand is dead. * A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose. * A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun. * A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. * A closed mouth gathers no foot. * After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. * After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench. * Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning. * Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero. * All American cars are basically Chevrolets. * All general statements are false; think about it. * All generalizations are false, including this one. * All generalizations are useless, including this one. * All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start! * All great discoveries are made by mistake. * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. * Create a need and fill it. * Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. * Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you’re doing. * Creditors have better memories than debtors. * Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it. * Dare to be average. * Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat. * Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications. * Don’t bite the hand that has your paycheck in it. * Don’t blame me; nobody asked my opinion. * Don’t do today that which can be put off till tomorrow. * Don’t force it, get a bigger hammer. * Don’t get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost. * Don’t lend people money…it gives them amnesia. * Don’t let your mouth write no check that your tail can’t cash. – Bo Diddley * Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you. * Don’t make your doctor your heir. * Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy! * Don’t permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost. -<>- AND NOW GET READY FOR SOME HOWLER SIGNBOARDS : ;; / | / | .' : .-' ' _.-' / .-*" / _ .-' .' _.-*?' .' .' .-" .' __ .' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".' / \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .' : `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .' ; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+. : .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _( \ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_( `*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_( ; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" ( : \| | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"' \ | Crocodile | `----**"T"" " `+. | `. | | ' .' : _.-*"*- | SMILES | / / ' .-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug "+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.' "" +----------------+ >SIGNBOARDS OF OUR TIMES On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don’t sleep with a drip, call your plumber." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one Weak." At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?" Sign at the psychic’s Hotline: "Don’t call us, we’ll call you." At A Laundry Shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?" At a Towing Company: "We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs." On an Electricians truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On Maternity Room Door: "Push, Push, Push." At an Optometrists Office: "If you don’t see what your looking for you’ve come to the right place." On a Taxidermist’s window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist’s office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Butchers window: "Let me meat your needs." On a fence: "Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive." At a car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment." Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming." Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people." On a desk in a reception room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman and the 2nd one just left." In a Veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay! " At the Electric Company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t you will be." On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte." In a Restaurant window: "Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up." Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we’ll wait." My class on quotes of the day is over friends. --- ...HaHa! Excellent! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Nanny Animals! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals.html What I've Learned In Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/learnedinlife.html Bear Rescue 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue2.html About Dogs And People! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aboutdogs.html I Believe In You! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ibelieveinyou.html My Bulldog Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mydoglife.html Woman - Darkest Before Dawn! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womandbd.html One Word Essay! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/essay.html Forever Hollywood! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood.html Camel Hair Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camelhair.html The Black Dot! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackdot.html Truth In Advertising! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ads.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >Follow Me On StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/hdygcxw -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) She sent us one we have here... Legrande's Whimsical Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legrandart.html Old Time Radio Show - Horizons Of West http://www.dumb.com/oldtimeradio/radio/210/Westerns/Horizons_West.html Old Time Radio Show - The Lone Ranger A http://www.dumb.com/oldtimeradio/radio/211/Westerns/Lone_Ranger_A.html Buckeye Love - Ohio Stadium - Columbus Love Film Series - DJI Phantom 2 AMAZING VIDEO: DRONE VIEW OF OHIO STADIUM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBh8RAkE0vs The Amazing Camel! http://tinyurl.com/jewfskr --- ...Love It! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) Country Party! http://www.mamarocks.com/country_party.htm Bear Tagging! https://www.youtube.com/embed/vJRDpTUIrJI --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Fran! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Spaniels - Peace Of Mind http://www.youtube.com/embed/Nsz11Jr5ah4?autoplay=1 The Marcels - Blue Moon http://www.youtube.com/embed/gzG7bPRZvMk?autoplay=1 Patsy Cline - Crazy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QEDb3xzdec Ray Charles - Mess Around http://www.youtube.com/embed/_TgxQg3Z818?autoplay=1 I think this pool might have reached its maximum capacity. A heat wave in China is taking its toll on residents of the Sichaun Province, and they are trying to cool down by running to local water parks. Watch the video to see how many people are crammed in. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNGvDQafrlQ&feature=player_embedded We all know that having a pet means you get to come home to someone who loves you and is always happy to see you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bUN6tLlO_eQ --- ...LOL! So cute! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I saw a new study that says that eating over 1,500 pieces of candy corn could actually kill you. Which shouldn't be a problem since the current record for eating a piece of candy corn is two." -Jimmy Fallon "It was National Stress Awareness day today and due to the election, plenty of people have something to be stressed about. In fact, when asked on a scale of one to 10 how stressed they are right now, most voters punched the pollster in the face." -James Corden "It is Halloween, which means you just spent the night handing out candy, or you've been sitting completely still in the dark, pretending that you weren't home." -Jimmy Fallon "In Arizona, the favored Halloween candy is Toblerone. That's when you know you have too many old people living in your state. Where do you even get Toblerone? Are children trick-or- treating at duty-free shops at the airport? I haven't seen Toblerone outside of that." -Jimmy Kimmel "A school in California is testing a new program that forgoes traditional teachers and has students teach and grade each other's classwork. So good luck to the students at 'Straight A's Academy!'" -Seth Meyers "In New York, a group of Burger King employees dressed up their restaurant as a McDonald's for Halloween. And in an even crazier stunt, Olive Garden employees dressed up their workplace as an Italian restaurant." -Conan O'Brien "I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest." -Jimmy Kimmel "I love it when people dress up their dogs in Halloween costumes. But I don't like it when I tell someone how cute their dog looks, and they're like 'Hey, that's my child.'" -Jimmy Fallon "There is a new bike lock that prevents theft by releasing a gas that makes a robber throw up if they cut the lock. So, the good news is: Your bike wasn't stolen. The bad news: It's covered in robber vomit." -Conan O'Brien "Last night was game one of the World Series and Taco Bell did a promotion where if a player stole a base, everyone in America would get a free Doritos Locos Taco. And this is a great way for both players and fans to get a lot of runs." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************