Cuddle Up With Some SMILES... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each
week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If
every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole
year! So Please - I need your help today!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is
easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the
site, scroll down and click on the donate button.
A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up.
NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item'
form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is
you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your
normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United
States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like.
EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP!
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html
OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
Elrhea Bigham
502 S. Harrison
Van Wert, OH 45891
*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
_,__ .:
Darwin <* / | \
.-./ |. : :,
/ '-._/ \_
/ ' \
.' *: Brisbane
.-' ;
| |
\ /
| /
Perth \* __.--._ /
\ _.' \:. |
>__,-' \_/*_.-'
Melbourne
snd :--,
'/
*~* Our Hearts And Prayers go out to all those affected by the wild-
fires in Australia. May God Bless and Help Australians now through
Christ Jesus our Lord! So Sad for the people and the wildlife!
U.S. sends more than 100 firefighters to help Australia battle
flames. Multiple groups of firefighters are being sent on 30-day
deployments to help fight the wildfires that have killed 17 people
- Jan 2, 2020
https://tinyurl.com/tgfus8g
-<>-
>-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press
These first sizzling hot new pages are from our friend Linda.
This new page lets you take a quick 4 minute trip around the
world. From Tahiti to the South Pole in one glorious virtual
vacation. Sit back and relax on your world trip. :)
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
\\_// '._ _.' \\_//
`"` ``---`` `"`
Trip Around The World
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triparoundworld.html
---
...Wow, so peaceful! Thanks Linda!
Our next super hot new page is a heartwarming poem with some
of the cutest little wrinkle dogs around. Be sure to check this
one out here...
Life's Tug Of War
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tugofwar.html
---
...Awww, So adorable! Thanks Linda!
Our last flaming hot new page is from my daughter Tammy. With
the koalas having such a time surviving in these horrible wildfires
in Australia right now, this one is quite sweet and a most welcomed
positive story. Be sure to check it out here and its two darling
videos as well...
) ( |
) ( / .-
_ ,---. _ ( / /
(~-| . . |-~) V /
\._ 0 _,/ /
/ `-^-'`-._ /
' `-. (
: )E
: ,---' (
. )E (
gpyy '._____,---' (
) (
) (
) (
) (
Dog Saves Baby Koala
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsaveskoala.html
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery,
and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the
guy was doing. His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who
entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to
fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.
"Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."
"I know!" grinned the patient. "But the nurses kind of formed a
little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required
twenty-seven stitches."
-<>-
.--. .-..-..-..-. .--. .--. .-. .--.
_.-._ : .--': `: :: :: :: .--': .--': : : .--' _.-._
: ` ' :`. `. : .` :: :: :: : _ : : _ : : : `; : ` ' :
,' '. _`, :: :. :: :; :: :; :: :; :: :__ : :__ ,' '.
`-:_:-'`.__.':_;:_;`.__.'`.__.'`.__.':___.'`.__.'`-:_:-'
unknown
Recently, the "Love Bug" Virus circled the globe, damaging computers
in it's path. There have recently been some new mutations or
variations of this virus that you should be aware of.
1. The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your
computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.
2. The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer,
but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the
computer that it really wants to invade.
3. The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer and stays
with it for life.
4. The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time negotiate – ting
with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other
computers from time to time.
5. The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read
messages that your computer isn't working and takes half of your
computer's best data in an ugly network session.
6. The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring
your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and
tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages
to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis.
7. The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer to focus solely
on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove
generally unavailable.
8. The "Deadbeat" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely
new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
January 6 is Bean Day and Cuddle Up Day
January 7 is Old Rock Day
January 8 is Bubble Bath Day, Male Watcher's Day and National Take
the Stairs Day
January 9 is Play god Day
January 10 is Bittersweet Chocolate Day, Houseplant Appreciation Day
and Peculiar People Day
January 11 is Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day and Step in a Puddle
and Splash Your Friend's Day
January 12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day and National Pharmacist
Day
=======================================================
>-->From MikeysFunnies:
*umph*
|
_ \ / _
_|#| .-. .-. |#|_
|#|#|______/ /_ .-'-. _\ \______|#|#|
[|#|#|------| ( || | || ) |------|#|#|]
|#|#| |__|_.-'''-._|__| Pr|#|#|
"|#| 59|#|"
" "
>15 EXERCISES WE'D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN 2020...
~ Jumping on the bandwagon
~ Wading through paperwork
~ Running around in circles
~ Pushing your luck
~ Playing in traffic
~ Spinning your wheels
~ Adding fuel to the fire
~ Beating your head against the wall
~ Climbing the walls
~ Beating your own drum
~ Dragging your heels
~ Jumping to conclusions
~ Grasping at straws
~ Fishing for compliments
~ Throwing your weight around
~ Passing the buck
~ Running with scissors
-<>-
A father and his son were looking at a nativity scene in a London
gallery. It was Titian's world-famous painting of the scene at
Bethlehem. The boy said, “Dad, why is the baby lying in such a
crude cradle in a pile of straw?”
"Well, son,” explained the father, “they were poor, and they
couldn't afford anything better.”
Said the boy, "Then how could they afford to have their picture
painted by such an expensive artist?”
-<>-
A guy gets shipwrecked and washes up on a beach.
The sand is dark red. He can't believe it. The sky is dark red.
He walks around a bit and sees there is dark red grass, dark red
birds and dark red fruit on the dark red trees. He's shocked when
he finds that his skin is starting to turn dark red, too.
"Oh no!!" he says. "I've been marooned!!"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
How many b'ger do you need
to change a lightbulb?
\
Get lost Ralf. \
\ \
`,
___ # /_,/\
|/ ? /" (
| , )\ .Y___ /
/__/\ \____ \(__
,- / \_/ \ / (\
|/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\
-|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----'
'-' |\/ b'ger
>SMILES
A man has been drinking all day at a bar. Late at night, he suddenly
checks his clock. 1:30 am, darn. I need to go home now or the wife
is going to kill me, he says to the bartender. But as he is trying
to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor. I am just way too drunk
right now, I need to sober up. So he asks the barman for a coffee,
he drinks it up and 30 minutes later he tries to stand up, but
again he falls to the floor, this time even harder. At this point,
he realizes this won't work, but he needs to get home no matter what,
so he starts crawling towards his house. After 40 minutes he gets
there, lays down next to his(blissfully sleeping) wife and passes
out. The next morning his wife wakes him up, not kindly. So how was
last night, huh? Was it fun drinking all day? The man is 100% sure
his wife was asleep when he got home, so he tries to play it cool:
Not really, just hanging with some coworkers... we didn't drink much
just a couple of beers. His wife starts nodding understandably: Ah
ha, makes sense. She starts to turn and then stops and turns back to
him: Oh, by the way, the bar owner called this morning, you left your
wheelchair there, idiot.
----------
"I always worry when you leave for a weekend with the guys," sobbed
the pretty young wife. "Don't worry about me, babe, " he soothed
her. "I'll be back before you know it." "I know," she sighed.
"That's what worries me."
----------
A guy gets set up on a blind date and he takes her
out for dinner to a very expensive restaurant to make
a good impression. The waiter approaches the table
and asks to take their order.
The lady begins ordering practically everything on the
menu, shrimp cocktail, pate, Caesar Salad, lobster,
crepes Suzette, with no regard to the price.
The guy is getting very upset, as he never thought she
would order so much. She then stops, and looks across
at him, and asks, "What do you suggest I wash it down
with?"
"Well my dear, I can think of nothing so fitting as the
Mississippi River."
----------
A customer called his car-rental company and said he needed a tow.
The driver named the highway where he was stranded -- but he didn't
know the make of the car he was driving.
The representative asked for a more detailed description beyond
"a blue four-door."
After a pause, the driver replied: "It's the one on fire."
----------
On New Year’s Eve, at five minutes till midnight, Mary stood up
at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be
standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, The bartender was almost crushed to death.
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
(.,------...__
_.'" `.
.' .' `, `. `. `
. .' .'/''--...__`. \
. .--.`. ' "-. '. |
'' .' _.' .()) .--":/
''( \_\ ' (()(
''._' ( \ '
' `. `--' '
`.: . `-.___.' '
`. . _ _ .'
) .____.-'
.'`. (--..
.' \ /\ / / `.
.' \( \ /|/ `.
.' \__/ `.
/ | o | \
| | |
jro
>Politics...
Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New
York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers
question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name
is. "Kenneth," he says.
"And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.
"I have three questions," he says.
"First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
"Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable
of handling two e-mail accounts?
"And, third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars
while you were Secretary of State?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies
that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's
right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.
Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
"Johnny," he says.
"And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks.
"I have five questions," he says.
"First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?
"Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of
handling two e-mail accounts?
"Third -- whatever happened to the missing six billion dollars while
you were Secretary of State?
"Fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
"And, fifth -- where's Kenneth?"
---
...HaHaHa~ Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
, ,
/////|
///// |
///// |
|~~~| | |
|===| |/|
| B |/| |
| I | | |
| B | | |
| L | /
| E | /
|===|/
jgs '---'
Something we learned in bible study...
In this crazy political season, I decided a little religion
might be appropriate so here is a short Bible study.
Remember what Jesus said: 'Goats on the left, sheep
on the right' (Matthew 25:33).
Jesus also told Peter that if he wanted to catch fish
do it from the right side of the boat. They did and
filled the boat with fish.
John 21:6 (NIV) ... He said, "Throw your net on the
right side of the boat and you will find some.” When
they did, they were unable to haul the net in because
of the large number of fish. ”
Origin of Left & Right...I have often wondered why it
is that Conservatives are called the right" and
Liberals are called the "left”.
By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:
Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) - "The heart of the wise
inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the
left.” Thus, sayeth the Lord. Amen.
It surely can't get any simpler than that.
Spelling Lesson:
The last four letters in American..........I Can
The last four letters in Republican....... I Can
The last four letters in Democrats........ Rats
End of lesson! ...Test to follow on November 3, 2020.
So Remember, November 2020 is to be set aside as
Rat removal month.
Please share this Bible Lesson with all your friends
and email buddies to help achieve that goal.
Never grow a wishbone where a backbone ought to be.
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
.-.
// \\
_||___||_
/ \
|___________|
/ ====== \
/ _||_ \
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
|__|_FILL LINE_|__|
\ '----' /
\___________/ m1a
Lift the worst carpet stains...
It's dish liquid to the rescue. Dissolve one
tablespoon of dish liquid into two cups of warm
water, and blot the stain with a clean white cloth
dipped into the solution. Repeat until the stain
absorbs into the cloth and disappears from the carpet.
Then sponge with cold water, and blot dry with a clean
cloth.
Dish Soap + Baking Soda
The next time your elbow grease isn't enough to scrub off
baked-on food, sprinkle baking soda on top of your dish
detergent to pump up your cleaner and add more friction to
your scrubbing situation.
Make a stove simmer
My crafty and cleaning obsessed mother taught me this great
hint that I'd like to share.
Simmy water in a small saucepan and add orange, lemon, or
lime slices with some herbs like mint or lavender.
The heat permeates the sweet scent throughout the house.
It is an easy trick that is handy before parties or
just because it's Saturday and you are cleaning.
Get creative with your scents as well...here are some
other things you can add to simmering water:
Cinnamon sticks
Fresh ginger
Pine sprigs
Whole cloves
Chai tea bags
Vanilla or Almond extract
Stop heartburn and deepen sleep with melatonin
Taking 3mg of melatonin prevents heartburn flares as
effectively as prescription PPIs. Melatonin heals the valve
that keeps stomach acid from splashing up into your throat.
Bonus: this natural sleep hormone cuts your risk of insomnia
in half.
Banish bloat and speed slimming with a sip of ACV
Bloat and burping are often triggered by too little stomach
acid. To ease symptoms, sip unpasteurized apple cider vinegar
(1 tbs. diluted in a glass of water). UCLA researchers say
ACV's natural acids help quash gas formation. Bonus: ACV
stimulates the stomach nerve that makes you feel full
sooner, helping you slim down 55% faster - on any diet.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hints:
Quit buying bottled water!
Bottled water is usually no better than your typical tap
water-it just costs more, contains plastic toxins from the
bottles and leaves a trail of waste everywhere. Get a faucet
water filter and a reusable water bottle to save money and
help the environment.
When it comes to skin care, look no further than your
kitchen for lots of DIY remedies that can be as effective
as the chemical versions. Honey, avocado, coconut oil,
sugar, and fresh fruit can all be concocted into DIY skin
and hair masks, moisturizers, and other treatments. Not
only are these ingredients free of the toxic chemicals
and preservatives lurking in many commercial products,
but they're eco-friendly from a waste-reduction standpoint,
especially if you compost peels and other scraps as you're
preparing them.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Soleimani Was Planning ‘Imminent Attacks’ That Could Have Killed
Hundreds Of Americans, Top US Official Says
https://tinyurl.com/sb99rwq
‘$1.7 Billion In Unmarked Bills’: Ted Cruz Tells Off Former Obama
Official Over Iran Terrorist Strike
https://tinyurl.com/qqbf4m6
Biden Says Iran Is An Issue ‘Our Administration Had Solved And Put
On the Back Burner’
https://tinyurl.com/tqu4jq8
Trump Campaign Strikes Back At Biden Over Iran Comments: ‘He Even
Opposed Taking Out Osama Bin Laden’
https://tinyurl.com/vdjdh5c
Trump Increases Pressure on Iran With Appeal to Iranians
https://tinyurl.com/u5bmme6
Here Are Young America’s Foundation’s ‘Best Of The Worst’ 2019
Campus Protests
https://tinyurl.com/ss8fjdv
‘It’s Time For A Lesson’: Betsy DeVos Fires Back At Teacher Union
Head
https://tinyurl.com/rbmnvvt
Video- Fox News: Conservatives punched, spray painted in the face
on college campuses across America
https://tinyurl.com/ql2owv6
Westwing News:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Soup, Fish, Cheese
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Kids have come a long way from the old bowl cut. When I was
a younster my mother would cut my hair in the winter and
every summer my dad would run a pair of electric clippers
over my head. I was a senior in high school before I saw the
inside of a hair salon. But apparently everyone's become a
lot more sensitive about their hair, especially in Texas
where a bad haircut is apparently a shootin' offense.
Texas law enforcement officials are searching for a suspect
accused of shooting a barber over his 13-year-old son's
haircut, according to the Harris County Sheriff's Office.
Deputies responded to the barber shop in Katy, near Houston,
where a male employee was apparently shot around 5 p.m. by
a customer. The customer fled the scene, the sheriff's
office said.
Harris County Det. Wallace Wyatt reported that the argument
was over the haircut given to the suspect's 13-year-old son.
"He went home, came back. They fixed the haircut for free
and then that's when the altercation occurred," Wyatt told
local news. "That is one of the worst ones I've heard," he
added, "especially with your son being here, witnessing what
you're doing."
The barber is expected to survive.
-<>-
Police say a drunk man at San Francisco International
Airport posed as a TSA agent and patted down two women in
a screening area.
The 53-year-old was a ticketed passenger who had passed
through a security checkpoint and began drinking at an
airport lounge. After a few hours, he approached a female
traveler and convinced her to go into a private booth with
him.
The man somehow obtained plastic blue gloves, and he looked
the part of a TSA agent because he was wearing khaki pants
and a blue polo shirt.
Officers said it is unclear what exactly happened inside
the private booth but they think he may have groped the
woman. TSA agents later spotted the man as he took another
unsuspecting female into the booth. They confronted and
detained him until police arrived.
Somebody needs to give this guy a job. If he can talk not
one but two women into letting him feel them up, and all
after he drank 5 or 6 Manhattans, that is a skill that
need to be put to productive use. Maybe the TSA should have
drinks at every checkpoint. Might make everyone relax and
things run much smoother.
He was arrested for public drunkenness but may face
additional charges.
I'm not sure why, he was working pro-boner after all.
*--- Boy, 7, accidentally swallows AirPod ---*
A Georgia mother shared an X-ray photo showing the new
location of the Apple AirPod her son received for
Christmas -- his stomach. Kiara Stroud said her 7-year-old
son received a new set of AirPods, wireless Bluetooth
earbuds, as a Christmas gift, and he ended up in the
emergency room when he told her he had accidentally
swallowed one. The boy told his mother he had been holding
the AirPod in his mouth when he swallowed. An X-ray image
taken at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta at Egelston shows
the device inside the boy's stomach. Stroud said the
doctors decided to leave the AirPod where it is and told
her it will pass through his body naturally. The mother
said her son will be using wired headsets until he gets a
little older.
*-- They Take Their Dr. Pepper Seriously in This House --*
A Louisiana man has been arrested and charged with holding
a gun to the head of his 9-year-old son because he was
angry with the boy for drinking the last Dr. Pepper in the
house. Chad Kinnaird, 39, was arrested on New Year's Day
by deputies with the Ouachita Parish Sheriff's Office. The
arrest affidavit states that the boy went with his mother
to the sheriff's office and told investigators his father
"became angry at him because he consumed the last Dr.
Pepper." It says Kinnaird pushed the barrel of the gun
against his son's head. The affidavit also said that
deputies were told Kinnaird had been consuming alcoholic
beverages at the time of the incident.
*--- Woman leaves purse behind after dine-and-dash ---*
A Canadian woman who attempted to dine-and-dash was arrested
after she was forced to return to the scene of the crime
because she left her purse behind. Kyla Anne MacMillan had
to return to an Alberta pub after skipping out on a $160 bar
tab that she had rung up with two female friends. After
bailing on the bill, MacMillan returned to the bar because
she had left her purse containing her medication. MacMillan's
hefty tab included a pitcher of beer, chicken wings, nachos
and 23 shots. According to the tab, the ladies slugged down
six shots of tequila, 10 B-52s, six Dirty Hookers and one
vodka shooter, the Star reported. She initially claimed that
she had simply stepped outside to use an ATM, but that
excuse didn't fly. The suspect pleaded guilty to fraudulently
obtaining food and was fined $325, in addition to being
ordered to pay the bill. MacMillan is unemployed and only had
$5.35 on her during her court appearance.
*--- Man uses jail phone call to order pizza ---*
According to Kentucky police, a shoplifting suspect who was
arrested on suspicion of stealing $36 worth of beer didn't
call someone to come bail him out during booking -- he
called Domino's. While Corbin police were booking Michael
Harp for shoplifting and alcohol intoxication in public, he
allegedly asked to use his cellphone. A short while later,
a Domino's deliveryperson showed up with five pies.
According to police, they were able to link the call back
to Harp's cellphone. Harp reportedly told the pizzeria that
his name was "Captain Wilson," one of the officers who
helped arrest him. He denies ordering the pizzas. "I'm
wrongfully accused on this here. They've charged me with two
felonies over this pizza deal because I had my phone inside
the holding cell," Harp told local news. "There was about
10 people who probably used the phone, so it's hard to say.
Like I said, I never heard anyone say a word about Domino's
pizzas." Thanks to the pizza prank, Harp is facing
additional charges of theft of identity and impersonating
a police officer. He plans on fighting the matter in court.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHH'H`HHHHH'H`HHHHHHHH
HHHHHbodHHHHHbodHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHH'`HHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHooHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHP`HHHHHH'`HHHHHHHH
HHHHHHb """" dHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHboooooodHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Krogg
>Resolutions You Can Keep
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year
that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you
can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you
can use as a starting point:
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising. Waste of time.
Read less. Makes you think.
Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
Get in a whole NEW rut!
Personal goal: bring back disco.
Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.
Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain
or rope for a belt.
Get further in debt.
Break at least one traffic law.
Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.
Associate with even worse business clients.
Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
Wait around for opportunity.
Focus on the faults of others.
Mope about my faults.
Never make New Year's resolutions again.
-<>-
>It's So Clean!
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley
when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
"I was in that new restaurant across the street,"
said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless,
and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt
anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."
"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while
I'm eating!"
-<>-
>Stuck In An Elevator
The guys down at the barber shop asked me what Hollywood
bombshell actress I'd like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I thought for a minute and said, "Any one of 'em that knows
how to fix elevators."
-<>-
>Use Your Imagination
A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making
love with her husband to spice things up.
She replied, "You mean like imagine that it's good?"
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
/////'
' # o
C - |
___ ' =__' ___
(` _ \_ | | _/ ')
\ (__\ ,---- _ |----. /__)- |
\__ ( ( / ) ) __/
|_X_\/ \. # _.| \/_X_|
| \ /( / /\ / |
\ / ( , / \ _/
/______/
[:::::::]
/*%*%*%*%*\
>%*%#%*%*%|
/%*%*#*%*%*\
######^###### b'ger
Q: What is a boxer's favorite drink?
A: Punch.
Q: What is the noisiest game?
A: Tennis, you can't play it without raising a racket.
Q: What kind of school does a carpenter go to?
A: Boarding school.
Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A: Sunday, of course!
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch!
Q: What do the letters D.A.M. stand for?
A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.-.
_.--"""".o/ .-.-._
__' ."""; { _J ,__ `.
; o\.-.`._.'J; ; / `- / ;
`--i`". `" .'; `._ __.' |
\ `""" \ `; :
`."-. ; ____/ /
`-.` `-.-' `"-..'
___ `;__.-'" `.
.-{_ `--._ /.-" `-.
/ ""T ""---...' _.-"" """-. `.
; / __.-"". `. `, _..
\ / __.-"" '. \ `.,__ .'L' }
`---"`-.__ __." .-. j `. : `. .' ,' /
"""" / \ : `. | F' \ ;
; `-._,L_,-""-. `-, ; ` ; /
`. 7 `-._ `.__/_ \/
\ _; \ _.' `-. /
`---" `.___,, ;"" \ .'
_/ ; `"
.-" _,-'
{ "";
;-.____.'`.
fsc `. \ '. :
\ : : /
Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the
kids we had to leave "right now" at which point our teenage
daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad
yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed
for the garage grumbling.
On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the
rearview mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and
blush, which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at
your mom," he said. "She didn't put on any makeup just to
go sit in a dark movie theater."
>From the back I heard, "Yeah, but Mom doesn't need makeup."
My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to
thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she
continued, "Nobody looks at her."
-<>-
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They are appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a
very nice boy."
"Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice,
would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
-<>-
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and
the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the
difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began
to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule
and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to
the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or
nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the
youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2
equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched
up his mule and drove home.
-<>-
An inveterate horseplayer paused before taking his place
at the betting windows, and offered up a fervent prayer
to his Maker.
"Dear Lord," he murmured, "I know you don't approve of my
gambling, but just this once, Lord, just this once, please
let me at least break even. I need the money so badly!"
-<>-
A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas.
She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims,
"What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should
I do now?"
A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why
don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a
great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He
rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the
crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table
operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks,
"What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money
on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
-<>-
.-.
, .-' ,c'.
__rK _)a 7 ;
/ ~,) (_, (
_; /a( |_. :'\
L/\.'__/ \ ' )nnnK-.
S / (_ .- L,-' .dHHHb |
S( '\_\\ / dHb'----'dHHHHb \
S \ , ) _,-._ / dHHHb"x.dHHHHHHb \
S |'. '.______/_U/_ '.-z/dHHHp 'dHHHHHb\ |
[H | '..___.--'._C__ ) | dHHHHHHb\ _ \
/| |_ | \ L/'--._/_ ; k ' /
|//- '-. ---.__ '| / |
( '-. '. | _'-. _/
.."' `., _ , : | \ _\ ,/ , '/
." ': . : | .-' '', : |/(/\]/
\ /: ' | : /_ '...... .'/ |
| | : / .' '--.__, __.'\ /
| : ; |/ | '----'L, | /
\ : . \ '-.________ / ] |____/
snd L_____'..' _.7' _/ <, >
<___.' / \
\____/
____ _____
As e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) continue to erode
the written language, perhaps it is time for an English
language lesson.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep
in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad
too.
11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than
necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical
words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose
earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when
its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me
what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times:
resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it
correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
>A Question Posed To Colin Powell
The Secretary of State, the Honorable Colin Powell, during
a recent trip to the UN in New York was approached by an
Iraqi news reporter, who asked: "Is it true that only 13
percent of young Americans can even find Iraq on the map?"
The Secretary turned to the reporter with a smile and said:
"Yes, that's true. But the sad news for Iraq is that the 13
percent are all United States Marines!
-<>-
>The Secret Of How To Away From It All
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends
relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their
peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome,
visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure
themselves some privacy.
Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door
of their RV:
"Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
-<>-
>A Groaner For Sure
In a small business office they have an answering machine
that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and
to spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend
messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite
her name and address and then confidently offer, "My dif-
ficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
-<>-
.-"""-"""-"""--.--"""-"""-""""-.
-" I I I I I I I I "-.
" MMMMMMMMMMn)))).(((((nMMMMMMMMM "
" M .-''''-. "MMM MMM" .-'''-. M "
I M' .-'''''-. -MM MM- .'.-''''-. M I
I M 'MMMMMMMMM .'''''. 'MMMMMMMMM' M I
I M M M$M MM : MM M$M M M I
I M MMM M -"".""- M MMM M I
I """""" MMMMMMMMM """""" . I
I '-....-' : MMMMMMM : '-...-'.' I
" . '-....-' - - '-...-' "
, '. : .'"
" '....' '.....' "
"-'...;' : : '....'-"
"- ".-----....--." -"
"- . -"
"- '-...- '.' -"
"-.; '-....-' .-"
I"-......I"
I I
I '-- --'I
I I
I '-- --'I
I I
I '-- --'I
I I TAG
I '-- --'I
"E.T."
>Geezer Exam
1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches
located? a. On the floor shift knob b. On the floor
board, to the left of the clutch c. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it.
For what was it used? a. Capture lightning bugs b. To
sprinkle clothes before ironing c. Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk b. Ice on highways
forced delivery by dog sled c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of
front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the
cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack b. Gin c. Craps!
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing
stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II?
a. Suntan b. Leg painting c. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you
couldn't tell whether it was coming or going? a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro c. Tucker
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid? a. Strips
of dried peanut butter b. Chocolate licorice bars c. Wax
coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used? a. To stiffen a flattop haircut
so it stood up b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates
attached to your shoes? a. With clamps, tightened by a skate
key b. Woven straps that crossed the foot. c. Long pieces of
twine
10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a
decision? a. Consider all the facts b. Ask Mom c.
Eeny-meeny-miney-mo
11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's? a.
Smallpox b. AIDS c. Polio
12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey" a. SUV
b. Taxi c. Streetcar
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony? a. Old
Blue b. Paint c. Macaroni
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill? a. Part of the game of
hide and seek b. What you did when your mom called you in to do
chores c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with
your arms in an A-bomb drill
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody
show? a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring b. Princess
Sacajewea c. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed
tests were handed out in school? a. Immediately sniffed the
purple ink, as this was believed to get you high b. Made paper
airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window c. Wrote
another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with
purchases? a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs,
which tasted like bubble gum b. They could be put in special
books and redeemed for various household items c. They were
given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________? a. Meatballs
b. Dames c. Ammunition
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song
"Cabdriver" a hit? a. The Ink Spots b. The Supremes c.
The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco? a. Tony Bennett
b. Zavier Cugat c. George Gershwin
ANSWERS
1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls,
popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on.
2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping
the bottle top.
4. a) Blackjack Gum.
5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down
the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.
8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a
shoestring around your neck.
10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed,
movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to
prevent spread of the disease.
12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. c) Macaroni.
14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your
arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.
16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.
17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for
household items at the Green Stamp store.
18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
19. a) The all male, all black group: The Inkspots.
20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today. (or bad,
depending on your taste)
See scoring below:
17- 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously
gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses.
12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely
muddy.
0 -11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a geezer or you are
younger than springtime!
-<>-
>Just A Day At The Airport
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had
an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects.
One day security officers were questioning a man when they were
suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my
sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked
room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to
walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked,
"Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!"
The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the
security people returned, the woman reported what had happened.
Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one
very frightened telephone repairman.
-<>-
______
,-~ _ ^^~-.,
,^ -,____ ^, ,/\/\/\,
/ (____) | S~ ~7
; .---._ | | || _| S I AM THE Z
| | ~-.,\ | |!/ | /_ LAW! _\
( | ~<-.,_^\|_7^ ,| _//_ _\
| | ", 77> (T/| _/' \/\/\/
| \_ )/<,/^\)i(|
( ^~-, |________||
^!,_ / /, ,'^~^',!!_,..---.
\_ "-./ / (-~^~-))' =,__,..>-,
^-,__/#w,_ '^' /~-,_/^\ )
/\ ( <_ ^~~--T^ ~=, \ \_,-=~^\
.-==, _,=^_,.-"_ ^~*.(_ /_) \ \,=\ )
/-~; \,-~ .-~ _,/ \ ___[8]_ \ T_),--~^^)
_/ \,,..==~^_,.=,\ _.-~O ~ \_\_\_,.-=}
,{ _,.-<~^\ \ \\ () .=~^^~=. \_\_,./
,{ ^T^ _ / \ \ \ \ \) [| \oDREDD >
^T~ ^ { \ \ _\.-|=-T~\\ () ()\<||>,' )
+ \ |=~T ! Y [|() \ ,' / -naughty
>MISCELLANEOUS LAWS
Perkin's postulate: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same
as cold glass.
Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Lewis' Law: People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,
maybe you just don't understand the situation.
Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious
intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.
-<>-
>How Do You Feel
Two cows were reading the ad on the side of a passing milk truck:
Pasteurized, Homogenized, Standardized - Vitamin A Added.
One looked at the other and said, "Make's you feel rather
inadequate, doesn't it?"
-<>-
>Oh Noooo, Where are You Danny
"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster
before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he
seen anything like it. How anyone could have
survived he did not know.
He could only hope that somewhere amid the
overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-
year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding
Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the
scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.
Walking was virtually impossible with so many
things strewn across his path. He moved ahead
slowly.
"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He
tripped and almost fell several times. He heard
someone, or something, move. At least he thought
he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He
shook his head and felt his gut tighten.
He couldn't understand how this could have
happened. There was some light but not enough to
see very much. Something cold and wet brushed
against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried
out, "Danny!".
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he
heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice
so weak it could hardly be heard.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school,"
the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean
up this room.
-<>-
>Mine's Better Than Yours
A couple of F-15's fighters are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and
their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the old transport
plane to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits
of their respective aircraft.
The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better
because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and
so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.
After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah?
Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only
dream about."
Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.
"Just watch," comes the quick retort.
And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing
to fly straight and level.
After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the
air, saying "There! How was that?"
Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are
you talking about? What did you do?"
And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my
legs, got a cup of coffee, then went into the back and used
the restroom, Let's see you do that".
-<>-
.---------------.
/ oLo \
O/_____/________/____\O
/__________+__________\
/ (#############) \
|[**](#############)[**]|
\_______________________/
|_""__|_,-----,_|__""_|
| | '-----' | | APC'97
'-' '-'
>My Vanity License Plate
While working as an agricultural inspector at the Arizona
state line, I found that addressing people in an informal manner
relieved their nervousness and minimized problems. One day when
a car with the vanity license plate "TVECL" stopped for
inspection, I approached the driver and said, "How are you, Mr.
Tvecl?"
"Your pronunciation is fine," he replied, "but that's not
my name. I'm an optometrist, and those are the letters on
the bottom line of my eye chart."
-<>-
___
,--[___]--,
/ \
|,.--'```'--.,| ,
|'-.,_____,.-'| ||
|'-.,_____,.-'| ||
| | _||_
| P A I N T | ///\\\
| | HHHHHH
|'-.,_____,.-'| ||||||
jgs `'-.,_____,.-'' ||||||
>What If I Need More
After an hour of "Just a little more white, two squirts
of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the
paint- store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I
wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on.
"Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked.
"Don't come back here," he begged.
-<>-
|..| ? ?
c >| ?
\'/
/><\
>Seven Degrees of Blondness
FIRST DEGREE A married couple was asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up
the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE: Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it
up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this
person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first
blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the
mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE: A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the
arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens
her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde
replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE: A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know
all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of
Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told
her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE: Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA
freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor
asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi
pondered the question then finally said, "That was the
decision George Washington had to make before he crossed
the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE: Returning home from work, a blonde was
shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She
telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The
police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a
K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a
leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the
sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to
find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for
help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
-<>-
>The Class In CPR
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were
required to take a CPR course. We used the well known
mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of
most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso to allow
for storage in a carrying case.
The class went off in groups to practice.
As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll
and asked, "Are you all right?"
He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen
for breathing.
Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She
said she can't feel her legs!"
-<>-
>My Boyfriend Meets My Parents
One night a teenage girl brought her new boy-
friend home to meet her parents, and they were
appalled by his appearance: leather jacket,
motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.
Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside
and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the
mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very
nice."
"Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice,
why would he be doing 5000 hours of community
service?"
-<>-
.------------------------.
.-----.----.-----. ( Thank you for making a )
/ /-.| |////| |.-\ \ /_ simple door very happy /
/ /|_|| |////| ||_|\ \ `----------------------'
/ : : |////| : : \
/ /___: |////| :___\ \
/ : |_ |////| _| :___\ Imperial Door (GPP enhanced)
/ / |_||////||_| \ \ (c) Syrius Cybernetics Corp.
/ : |_||////||_| : \
/____/____ |_||////||_| ____\____\
/ : | |////| | : \
/ / | _ |////| _ | \ \
\ : || ||////|| || : /
\ / .'-\ ||////|| /-`. \ /
-----'-'---------'-'----'-'---------'-'------------------------------
dd
>Problem Solving
When I worked for the security department of a large retail
store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar
alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a
security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by
customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the
exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning
"Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter people from
using it. One day, after attending to a number of shrieking
alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that
totally eliminated the problem:
"Wet paint."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
REAL Fantasy Trees 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees2.html
90/10 Principle
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/giving.html
Advice For The New Year
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/newyear.html
Chapel Oak
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oakchapel.html
Just Thinking!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thinking.html
Playing With Words
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wordplay.html
Hand Painting Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint2.html
Typewriting Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart2.html
Auto Motorplex
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html
Black Deer Fawn
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deer.html
Look Who's Talking 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking3.html
When Sandman Attacks
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html
What Your GPS Won't Show You
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html
Paper Sculpture Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paper.html
Niagara Falls In Neon!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/niagaraneon.html
Wave Frozen In Time!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wave.html
Akiane Thru The Years!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy2.html
Building Advertising Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html
Full New Years Index!
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
Revisiting...
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
You have to hand it to the Australians. And they had such a great
time carrying this out. This is one of the best pranks I've seen,
what a lot of work!
http://www.youtube.com/embed/HG_wfMK7dko?rel=0
Music video by Elvis Presley & Martina McBride performing Blue
Christmas. This is modern technology at it's finest as someone has done
a GREAT job of editing and putting these two singers together for this
all time great song. If you are a fan of Elvis you might enjoy Elvis
and Celine Dion and King Creole.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KK6sMo8NBY&feature=player_embedded
Two adorable newborn polar bear cubs play with their mother on their
journey to the frozen sea in northern Manitoba, Canada.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbILj_CYqno&feature=player_embedded
Chuck Norris doing a split between two Air Force planes with 11 special
forces agents balanced on his head.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-D1KVIuvjA&feature=player_embedded
---
...Awesome! Love these! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friends Geniann And Melody :)
He lives down in alligator country, and has become the "GUARD DOG" of
the territory! Cats do have very quick reflexes, but I can't help
thinking that one of these times, he's gonna be a fraction of a second
off, and will suddenly become snack food for a quicker alligator!
Meet Mugsy - wonder how many of his "cat-lives" he's already used up?
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Duqvb-IRv9c
---
...Oh My! Love watching this! Thanks Ladies!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody
ILHAMA feat. DJ OGB - Bei mir bist du scheen
http://www.youtube.com/embed/r4B90Knx57w
---
...Old Time Fun! Thanks Melody!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"My New Year's resolution this year was to get a gym
membership, use it twice, and then never use it again. I'm
already halfway there." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for
teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science
class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides
with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot
pink souvenir cup from Senor Frog's." -Jimmy Fallon
"New research came out that reveals that being attractive
in high school leads to success later in life. So finally
some good news for hot, popular teenagers." -Conan O'Brien
People born in the year 2000 never have to remember how old
they are." -Nick Offerman
Today, the stock market hit an all-time high. Which is
great news, because if there's one thing we've learned
over the past decade it's that if Wall Street executives
are doing well, regular Americans are doing well. "
-James Corden
"Two Connecticut residents stole over $1,000 worth of
candles from the Yankee Candle Village. The suspects are
being described as white." -Conan O'Brien
"Starbucks is planning to open Italian bakeries in New
York City and Chicago that will serve pizza. Good,
because if there's anywhere you can't get a good slice
of pizza, it's NEW YORK CITY and CHICAGO." -Jimmy Fallon
Honestly must be the best policy, but it's important to
remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is
the second best policy." -George Carlin
"When I'm in a slump, I comfort myself by saying if I
believe in dinosaurs, then somewhere, they must be believing
in me. And if they believe in me, then I can believe in me.
Then I bust out." -Mookie Wilson (baseball player)
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
**********************************************************************
>TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
**********************************************************************