Dance Like A Chicken... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friends Cloie and Bunni. I like trivia or little known facts or tidbits about people. Here we have some of the best about our previous Presidents. I am sure some of these will take you by surprise! Be sure to check it out here... __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - US Presidents Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidentsfacts.html --- ...Wow! Pretty stunning! I had fun with this! Thanks Cloie! And a tribute in loving memory of Bunni. ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: , , )\ )\ ( )---- ) /)(o^(o\ C c__> ) '._ .-' ____||_ O0o n// /__\\/u O0o //\\ // \\ \\ \\ __\\ \\___ jjs (C__/ \__>) Dee Dee At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" -<>- When his teenage son asked to borrow twenty dollar, the man said, "Son, don't you realize that there are more important things in life than money?" "Yes, sir," the youth replied, "I do. But you need money to take them to the movies." -<>- Questioning a class, an inspector asked: "If you were to say to me, 'You was here yesterday', would that be right?" "No, sir," was the reply. "And why not?" "Sir, because you wasn't." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 14 is Dance Like a Chicken Day May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day, Police Officer's Memorial Day and Ramadan May 16 is Love a Tree Day, National Sea Monkey Day and Wear Purple for Peace Day May 17 is Pack Rat Day May 18 is International Museum Day, National Bike to Work Day, No Dirty Dishes Day and Visit Your Relatives Day May 19 is Armed Forces Day and Boy's Club Day May 20 is Be a Millionaire Day and Pick Strawberries Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ .-. .--''` ) _ | |/` .-'` ( `\ /` _) _. -'._ /` .' .-.-; `).' / \ \ (`, \_o/_o/__ / .-''` ``'-. { /` ,___.--''` { ; '-. \ \ _ _ { |'-....-`'.\_\ / './ '. \ \ `"` _ \ \ | \ \ ( '-.J \_..----.._ __) `\--..__ .-` ` `\ ''--...--. (_,.--""`/` .- `\ .__ _) | ( } .__ _) \_, '. }_ - _.' \_, '. } `'--' '._. ,_) / | / .' \ | _ .-' \__/;--.||-' _|| _||__ __ _ __.-` "`)(` `" ```._) jgs (_`,- ,-' `''-. '-._) ( ( / '.__.' `"`'--' >Common Misconceptions about Texas * That everything is twice as big in Texas. - Really everything is 1.865 times bigger, but we round up. * That the women have big hair. - In fact this was outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us. * That Texas gets extremely hot in the summer. - Actually we only have 2-3 days of real heat in Texas ... real heat being when there is over a 75% probability of self-combustion. * That JR Ewing still lives here. - That was a TV show people! Come on! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin' Texas Ranger. * That we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. - I don't know where this pack of hysteria got started, but we're gonna assume it's from some non-Texan type. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day. * That everyone speaks with a Texas accent. - Y'all just don't know what y'all are talking about. -<>- >Broccoli At the grocery store, I saw a man yelling at his wife about how to choose produce. Just as he reached his whole body over the broccoli to get the "best one," the produce sprinkler turned on and soaked him. -<>- >Charm Bracelet I was reminded of my younger days when I came across my charm bracelet one morning. I decided to wear it to school, thinking it would do the same for some of my teacher colleagues. However, the bracelet fascinated my students. One of my fifth grade students watched the shiny, jingling items on my wrist for a few minutes, then put his hand up and asked, "Are you on a major medical alert?" -<>- >No Power A co-worker at my office called Tech Support with an improbable story: She said she dropped her mouse and her PC shut down. The tech made the trip to her desk. No question, her computer is off. And when he punches the PC's power switch to restart it, nothing happens. He asked her where she dropped her mouse. She replied, "Behind the desk." Sure enough, she had managed to hit the on/off switch on the power strip. The tech told her, "Good shot." -<>- >Cow Birth A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer." After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?" "Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .-"-. / _ \ | / \ | _|_|_|_|_ "--...-". . "---...--jro"" . . . . (( // _ ('< <') _ . . . \ | /|) (|\ | / \|.'/: :\`.|/ . `._.' `._.' . . || . <| . . . ^^. ^ . . "Yeah, well, I couldn't take anymore, so I told the big bully he could just go and cluck himself." >SMILES It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to spell their name out loud. When she came to a young Pakastani boy and asked his name..... "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee" he replied. "How do you spell that? asked the teacher. "My mother helps me" said the little boy. ---------- A tourist is walking on a country road, when a farmer comes along with his horse-drawn cart. "Excuse me, is this the road to Suwalki?", the tourist asks. "Yes, it is," says the farmer. "How far is it?" "Half an hour ... By cart." "May I ride with you?" "Certainly." After half an hour the tourist begins to grow uneasy. "How much further is it to Suwalki ... By cart?", he queries. "Oh, an hour or so." "What? You told me it was only half an hour away, and we've been traveling that long already!" "Yes, but in the opposite direction." ---------- While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?" ---------- An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." Yumti-Bi layed down and put his ear to the ground... "Large Heap - war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black horses, two on white stallions. All have warpaint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???" "No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate..." ---------- An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a very large unfriendly woman who looked like a sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replies, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A GENDER CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS." ------- >Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. ~ To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. ~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. ~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. ~ Diet Tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less. ~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other? ~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. ~ Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. ~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy? ~ If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you? ~ REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts." ------- >You know you're growing old when.... * You've found yourself discussing the weather. * You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector. * You buy "age-defying" makeup and "anti-wrinkle" creams and believe they work. * You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you. * You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak. * As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again. * Wal-Mart and Target seem to share your fashion sense. * The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer. * You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag-in less than five minutes. * You think if you hear "Stairway to Heaven" one more time your head will explode. * Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely. * On Saturday night, when your wife mentions "Hot oil, a little friction, and squealing", you tell her you'll have the car looked at first thing on Monday morning. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Reader's Digest: _________________________________________________ '. '. '.'. '. |'.'.________________________________________________'. | '|_________________________________________________| | | .-----------------------------. | | | | Newspapers Magazines Comics | .'\ | | | /`. '-----------------------------' .' \| | |/ `. _____________________________ \.'\.'\ | /`./`./ | _| | .' .' \ | / `. `. | .-' '-. | \ \ \ | / / / | |:::::| | \.'\ .' | `. / / |===. |:::::| | .' .'\.'\ | /`./`./`. |Gum | |:::::| | \ \ \ | / / / |10% |________________|:::::| | \ \ .' | `. `. / |____| /'''\. | \.'\.' | `./`./ |____________________________'| | | |______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ | | | ==== | | === | | === | | === | | === | | === || | |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\ | | | _____ | _____ | | _____ | | | |______ || === ||| === || _____ ||=====|| | | | ==== |||=====||| === ||| === ||| === ||_______| '. |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\_______\ LGB'. | | | | | | | '|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______| >Headlines Wanted: Cemetery Superintendent “Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.” A. S., via Internet This Classified ad Speaks Volumes: “Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.” Matthew Cole, Plant City, Florida -<>- IT’S CLASSIFIED Just because the items in these classified ads are free doesn’t mean they’re worth it: • Free: Piano with matching bench seat, very good condition, all keys work probably Source: Gettysburg Area Merchandiser • Free: 5 kitchen drawers, all matching naughty pine fronts Source: Topeka Capital-Journal • Free Vain Screening Source: Boston Globe -<>- Bad Typos in Real Newspapers We all make mistakes. Some are just more public than others, like these real newspaper typos: “Here the bridal couple stood, facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.” Modesto News-Herald (California) “It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.” Holland Evening Sentinel (Michigan) -<>- Heading Off Criticism Think the comments on Internet posts are tough? See what happened when the Washington Post asked its readers to write intentionally angry letters to actual headlines: Headline: 20,000 Pound Pavement to Help Homeless Response: “Are you people idiots? What the homeless need are homes, not ten tons of additional pavement!” -<>- File These Headlines Under: We Don’t Even Want to Know. •Firefighters Use Jaws of Life to Free High School Girl from Locker •FDA Approves Third Silicone-Gel Breast Implant •Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself •Woman’s “Stomach Bug” Actually Baby Sources: Ottawa Citizen (Canada), ctpost.com, Associated Press, Toronto Sun -<>- Big Changes in Appleton A headline in my local newspaper: “Appleton Airport May Soon Be Known as Appleton Airport.” Allison Nastoff, Brookfield, Wisconsin -<>- Department of (Ridiculous) Corrections Journalists and editors on deadline make the occasional error. Some are funnier than others: • NBC reported that American students rank internationally at: “26th math, 21th science, 17th reading.” • Britain’s Sky News showed the importance of punctuation: “Top stories: World leaders at Mandela tribute, Obama–Castro handshake and same-s%x marriage date set.” -<>- First Microbes Breathed Sulfur… First Microbes Breathed Sulfur Before It Was Cool Washington Post Stolen Prosthetic Arm… Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop Daily Echo, England Marshall County Sheriff’s Candidate… Marshall County Sheriff’s Candidate Disputes Report of Own Death WAFF (Huntsville, Alabama) -<>- Hold the Presses! Misadventures in headline writing from around the world: City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells —The Herald-Palladium (St. Joseph, Michigan) Case of Innocent Man Freed After Spending 18 Years in Prison Proves Texas System Works —Lubbock Avalanche-Journal (Texas) British Left Waffles on Falklands —The Guardian At Last Singer Etta James Dies —dailymail.co.uk -<>- Headlines around America • County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds (Register-Guard, Eugene, Oregon) • 4-H Training Scheduled for Shooting Instructors (Pine City Pioneer, Minnesota) • Study Shows Frequent S%x Enhances Pregnancy Chances (Winchester Star, Virginia) • Police: DUI Charge for Woman Celebrating End of Earlier DUI Suspension (Chicago Tribune) Read More Here: https://www.rd.com/jokes/headlines/ ALSO See... Humorous Ads http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump promised to end it - He Delivers! He's A man of his word - President Trump Pulls U.S. Out of 'Defective' Iran Nuclear Deal - Time This week, President Trump announced that America will reinstate “the highest level of economic sanctions” on the Iranian regime. “The Iran deal is defective at its core,” the President said. “If we do nothing, we know exactly what will happen. In just a short period of time the world’s leading state sponsor of terror will be on the cusp of acquiring the world’s most dangerous weapon.” https://tinyurl.com/ydhnhb3f Trump Signs Executive Order to Make It Easier for Military Spouses to Get Jobs - CNN The President signed an Executive Order on Wednesday making it “easier for the nation's military spouses to find employment as their families deploy domestically and abroad,” Betsy Klein reports. “We can never repay you for all that you do,” President Trump told military families who joined him at the White House. https://tinyurl.com/y772btrg Finally - what we had thought Obamacare would do - Trump Gets it Done! Help Is on the Way for Americans Facing High Drug Prices - Fox News Under President Trump, the Department of Health and Human Services is formulating the most ambitious reform of drug pricing in American history. “Securing the benefits of 21st century medicine demands major changes to how our country pays for prescription drugs,” write three senior health officials in the Trump Administration. https://tinyurl.com/yctfambw Unlike with Obama, It didn't cost us millions or the release 5 top terrorists - Trump gets it for done for ZERO tax Dollars - 3 Americans Held in North Korea Have Come Home - Los Angeles Times https://tinyurl.com/ybj2dwqs Five Senior ISIS Officials Captured In U.S.-Iraqi Sting Operation, Reports Say - USA Today https://tinyurl.com/ybdktf38 WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is an old joke that goes: "You can't make somebody love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." The woman in today's story must have heard this advice, but she didn't take it as a joke. It began about 10 months ago when 31-year-old Jacqueline Ades of Phoenix, Arizona had a date. Things apparently didn't go very well because the man told Ades he was no longer interested in seeing her. But she wasn't about to let it go at that. Ades began stalking the victim. The man was reporting that Ades was continually texting him after he advised her that he wanted no more contact with her. At one point she started parking in front of the victim's residence. Police sent her away, and that's when she started sending the threatening texts. Ades told the victim that she will kill him and bathe in his blood, among other unsavory comments. In total, Ades sent the victim 65,000 text messages. Things got really creepy when the victim went out of town and his in-home surveillance cameras caught Ades in his home. When officers arrived, they found her in the residence taking a bath. She was taken into custody and charged with trespass to a residence, a felony. When she failed to show up for her court date on that charge she was eventually arrested for threatening and intimidating, stalking, and harassment. So far there still has not been a second date. -<>- You can't make this stuff up and have anyone believe it! Did you know urine can explode? Apparently it can when heated in a microwave. But why would anyone want to heat urine in a microwave? Let's ask this Colorado woman. An employee at a convenience store in Aurora, Colorado told police that a woman put a container in the microwave, which exploded with a loud bang. The employee who went to check if there was something wrong with the microwave found it dripping with urine. The employee confronted the woman who was later identified as 26-year-old Angelique Sanchez and ordered her to clean the mess. Sanchez pushed the contents onto the floor and left, and the employee called the police. According to the police report, officers located the woman at the Concentra Health Clinic about a half-mile north of the 7-Eleven. Sanchez was waiting for a physical and urinalysis tests for a potential job. It is believed that Sanchez was in possession another person's urine in order to use it to pass the test. Before arriving at the clinic she wanted to warm it up to body temperature, and apparently she thinks body temperature is 220 degrees F. Sanchez, who has prior arrests, received a citation for damage of property for the microwave which is worth $500. *----- I Fought the Claw and the Claw Won -----* Like Brodie said in 'Mallrats': "Not a year goes by that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some B kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator." That advice could have been used by the parents of one toddler in Illinois who did not fear and respect a claw machine. The Palatine Fire Department said a crew responded to CD One Price Cleaners in Palatine on a report of a toddler stuck inside a toy-dispensing claw machine. Video from the rescue shows firefighters partially dismantling the machine until one of the men can climb inside and lift the 3-year-old boy, who was not injured, to safety. Officials said the boy is believed to have climbed into the machine through the prize-distribution door. The fire department said the rescue was the first of its kind for Palatine. The toddler's adventure was not completely in vain -- he walked away with two toys. *---------------- Lucky B ----------------* This story is guaranteed to make you feel worse about your life. An Iowa man won a $4.38 million lottery jackpot with a ticket he got for free. Chuck Anderson of Davenport said he hadn't even intended to enter the Lotto America drawing, but he received a free ticket along with the Powerball ticket he purchased. The Iowa Lottery said it is giving away "Lotto Surprise" free plays this month to random players who buy tickets in games selected by the lottery. The qualifying game chosen for the first week was Powerball, and Anderson was selected when he bought his ticket. Anderson said he was in disbelief when he checked his numbers. "I'm waiting until the money is deposited," he said. "I won't believe it until it's there." *---- Missed Message Costs Couple Thousands ----* The moral of this story is; don't trust your messaging service. If this woman had bothered to use a phone, she would have saved herself a few thousand bucks. But when her husband failed to return home after a hiking trip she panicked and immediately called Mountain Rescue Services and reported him missing before doing anything else. It turns out her husband, Christophe Chamley, had cut his hiking trip short and checked into a luxury hotel. He had sent his wife a message on WhatsApp, but she didn't get it. Instead 25 rescuers along with a National Guard helicopter were out looking for Christophe while he was lounging in the hotel's hot tub. When he was finally found Chamley showed the officers that he sent his wife a WhatsApp message, however police said that Chamley failed to notice that the message did not go through. He now will likely have to pay for the rescue efforts, a bill will likely run into the thousands of dollars. *----------------- No Patience -----------------* A 91-year-old man was arrested in Richmond, Ind. after he fired a shot toward a man ahead of him in the drive-thru line at a McDonald's. According to a police news release, Johnnie Douglas was upset at the slow-moving drive-thru line when he and 39-year-old Phillip Bailey argued. Bailey then threw a smoothie at Douglas, who responded with a gunshot. Douglas was jailed on charges of criminal recklessness and pointing a loaded firearm at another person. Bailey was jailed on misdemeanor charges of intimidation and disorderly conduct. Police said no shell casing was found, but the gun Douglas allegedly used was recovered. No one was injured. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __________________ || ||||||||||||||||||| / \ ____|| ||||||||||||||||||| / \ \\\\ [] ||||||||||||||||||| / \ \____/ | | / | |_____| _|__ __ __ __|_ / | | | ( | (_o)-/~\-(o_) | ) / I SEE YOUR | | | (| ( ) |) /\ | | | | | / \ | | |_______| / \ |_________ \ PROBLEM | | | \ _____ / \ \ | | | \ (_____) / \ \ | | | \___________/ | \ __________________/ | | | ||||||||||| | | / / ||||||||| | | | / ||||||| | | | / {o | | \_____/ {o | | | {o | | | {o | | T. Hawkins >My Arm Hurts A man went to visit his doctor. "Doctor, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello Doctor, could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate" the arm says. The doctor says, "Aha! I see the problem... Your arm is broke!" -<>- >Two Ropes Walk Into A Bar... Two ropes walk into a bar. They sit down and the bartender says, "Hey we don't serve ropes in here." Both ropes get up and step outside. One rope says, "I'm going to find another bar" and the other rope starts to ruffle and tie himself in a knot. "Well I'm going back in there, who does he think he is?" So the rope goes back into the same bar. When the bartender comes over and spots the same rope he says, "Hey didn't I just tell you that I don't serve ropes?...." The rope says "Yep" and then the bartender asks, "You are a rope aren't you?" The rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot." -<>- >Pocket Change A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money? "At Sunday school," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it." -<>- . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` >Q and A Quickies Q: What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? A: U.C.L.A. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: Did you hear about the comedian owl? A: He was a real hoot. Q: Why are handcuffs like cheap souvenirs? A: They're both two wrist traps. Q: What's the best way to make pants last? A: Make the jacket first. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints." -<>- My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, "Straighten her up." I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up and take some responsibility." My wife hasn't asked me to help with her since. -<>- I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. "Start with a capital S, then 123," she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, "I really don't know what's so difficult about typing 'Start123.'" -<>- Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 16. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now. -<>- At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?" ========================================================= >-->From TheJokester: ,+*^^*+___+++_ ,*^^^^ ) _+* ^**+_ +^ _ _++*+_+++_, ) _+^^*+_ ( ,+*^ ^ \+_ ) { ) ( ,( ,_+--+--, ^) ^\ { (@) } f ,( ,+-^ __*_*_ ^^\_ ^\ ) {:;-/ (_+*-+^^^^^+*+*<_ _++_)_ ) ) / ( / ( ( ,___ ^*+_+* ) < < \ U _/ ) *--< ) ^\-----++__) ) ) ) ( ) _(^)^^)) ) )\^^^^^))^*+/ / / ( / (_))_^)) ) ) ))^^^^^))^^^)__/ +^^ ( ,/ (^))^)) ) ) ))^^^^^^^))^^) _) *+__+* (_))^) ) ) ))^^^^^^))^^^^^)____*^ \ \_)^)_)) ))^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^) (_ ^\__^^^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^^^^) ^\___ ^\__^^^^^^))^^^^^^^^)\\ From: ^^^^^\uuu/^^\uuu/^^^^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\ Keely 11/93 ___) >____) >___ ^\_\_\_\_\_\_\) ^^^//\\_^^//\\_^ ^(\_\_\_\) ^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^ Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey. -<>- A priest and a nun come out of a parish meeting late at night and the father says to the nun, "Sister, would you mind if I walked you to you door?" She answered, "Okay, but just this once." They walked quietly to her building and the father said, "Sister, would you mind if I kissed you on the cheek?" And the nun answered, "Okay, as long as you don't get into the habit." -<>- Sister Mary and Sister Anne were stopped at a red light when Satan suddenly appeared sitting on the hood of their car. The nuns were shocked. Sister Mary said, "Sister Anne, quick! Make the sign of the cross three times." They both did so, but to no avail. Then Sister Mary said, "Sister Anne, say an Our Father!" They both closed their eyes and recited the Lord's Prayer, but the Devil remained. "Sister Anne, say a Hail Mary to get rid of this demon." They did, but Satan remained. Finally, Sister Anne piped up. "Sister Mary, show him your cross!" "Good idea," said the elder nun, so she stuck her head out the window and yelled, "SATAN! Get your butt off of our car!" ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: .-"""-. / \ \ / .-"""-.-`.-.-.< _ / _,-\ ()()_/:) \ / , ` `| '-..-| \-.,___, / \ `-.__/ / jgs / `-.__.-\` / /| ___\ ( ( |.-"` `'\ \ \/ {}{} | \| / \ , / ( __`;-;'__`) `//'` `||` _// || .-"-._,(__) .(__).-""-. / \ / \ \ / \ / `'-------` `--------'` >The Top 10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line 1. Pluto's "accident" on Deck 3 2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand. 3. Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins. 4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier. 5. Charo kept showing up. 6. The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet. 7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements. 8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong. 9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs. 10. New hires Doc,Isaac,and Gopher quit days before launch, citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one. -<>- _ , (_\______/________ \-|-|/|-|-|-|-|/ \==/-|-|-|-|-/ \/|-|-|-|,-' \--|-''' \_j________ (_) (_) hjw >You Might Be A Bad Customer If... 1. You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane. 2. You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes. 3. You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are. 4. You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one. 5. You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you. 6. You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party. 7. You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong. 8. While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all the TVs you have?" 9. You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other. 10. You pay for anything/everything in small change (especially pennies) ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Tornado and Rainbow! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tornadoandrainbow.html Harvest Moonbow!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonbow.html Fire Rainbow Cloud!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firerainbow.html Willis (Sears) Tower!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html Ostional Sea Turtles!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seaturtle.html Real Fantasy Trees 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees2.html World's Largest Web!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/largest.html God's Most Beautiful!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mostbeautiful.html Best Of Nat Geo 2012!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/natgeo2012.html Akiane Child Prodigy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Nyiragongo Lava Lake!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lavalake.html <>- >Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/y7mc69fs Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html -<>- National Geographic for Kids https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/ 29 Ways You're Just Plain Bad At Shopping From Cracked.com: Unless you're a self-sustaining farmer or some sort of monk, you probably spend a sizeable chunk of your life shopping. The problem is, literally all of us are dumb about the way we shop. We asked our readers to tell us about their dumberest shopping habits. https://tinyurl.com/y7tws3lb Shopping Cart Hero From AddictingGames.com: See how far you can fling your cart without dying! It's almost like seeing how long you can last at the grocery store without dying, but funner! https://tinyurl.com/yb3uukx5 Scientists Can Now 3D Print Functional Organs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peeWHtYsmdM Human Biology - BIOPRINTING https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HsmJ86aCAE The Hunger Site - Free click to give - use the Greater Good banner for more items to 'free click to give to': https://tinyurl.com/y8qwjas8 Tiny Donkey Thinks He's Actually A Dog | The Dodo https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=4&v=MIQKlHSD89E GET READY to LAUGH, - Funny DOG VIDEOS compilation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAh1L8RuwoE -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend Melody :) Check out BEST STORM TIME-LAPSE: Lightning, Tornado & Supercell Montage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZcBlAjf2NE --- ...Neat! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Auctioneer is exuberant. The pace is fast. This is how an auction should be run. Please note the excitement on the auctioneer's face after the final bid. Aspirin Cardio: Auction - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/embed/3e0yZCLjwfU?rel=0 --- ...Oh my! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Amira Willighagen - O Mio Babbino Caro - HD - André Rieu (Love in Venice) Maastricht - 2014 - YouTube JUST AWESOME! https://www.youtube.com/embed/66-A2MyVDbU --- ...She is dressed perfectly - sings like an angel! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) America really is the most beautiful land on the planet! Watch this video about America's most beautiful wild, open places. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=G02om-bSmGc One of the things I love about the "Fast & Furious" franchise is that they really do those insane car stunts for real. Don't believe me? Check out this wild video showing how they did the stunts from the sixth movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfcxQ89ISvo&feature=player_embedded --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! <>- >From Our Friend Victor :) Light's Unending Journey http://www.msn.com/en-us/video/wonder/lights-unending-journey/vi-BBjk147 --- ...Wow! God Awing us again! Thanks Victor! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. It's the one day each year when we tell our teachers that there's no one we're prouder of, and our teachers are like, 'There's no one OF WHOM you're prouder.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Facebook is adding a new feature that will allow people to use Facebook as an online dating app. I'm not sure Facebook understands why we use Facebook. Facebook isn't for finding dates; it's for finding people we used to date. Then we silently judge them, feel better about ourselves. That's the only use for Facebook." -James Corden "In a new interview, billionaire Warren Buffett called Bitcoin 'rat poison.' Which is an unfair comparison because people actually understand how rat poison works." -Conan O'Brien "A member of the band Journey said 'Don't Stop Believing' was inspired by the time he borrowed money from his dad to pay his dog's vet bill. Apparently, the dog was hit by a midnight train goin' anywhere." -Jimmy Fallon "Asian restaurant chain P.F. Chang's announced today it will open its first location in China. Of course, over there they'll be called 'P.F. Charles.'" -Seth Meyers "Some critics are now saying that NASA will be unable to use SpaceX's rocket because it's too small. However, SpaceX insists that it's just the cold weather." -Conan O'Brien "Researchers are claiming that humans can only maintain close relationships with five people. Which should make for an interesting Mother's Day for my mom and her six kids." -Conan O'Brien "Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast options. Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. It's the half a burrito you woke up next to." -Seth Meyers "The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, 'Even if you're just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing." --Wernher von Braun "A thought is often original, though you have uttered it a hundred times." --Oliver Wendell Holmes "The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." --Thomas Carlyle "I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts." --Orson Welles "An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out." --Will Rogers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************