Dear Santa And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
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=================================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Boy That Deer Can Kick!
. _,
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// {} a ball with his left and right feet?
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(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
>Rules for Writers:
Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read. Don't use no double
negatives. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is
appropriate; and never where it isn't. Reserve the apostrophe for
it's proper use and omit it when its not needed. No sentence
fragments. Avoid commas, that are unnecessary. Eschew dialect,
irregardless. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens. Write
all adverbial forms correct. Don't use contractions in formal
writing. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. Steer clear of incorrect
forms of verbs that have snuck in the language. Never, ever use
repetitive redundancies. If I've told you once, I've told you a
thousand times, resist hyperbole. Also, avoid awkward or affected
alliteration. Don't string too many prepositional phrases together
unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
"Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
=================================================================
*------------ Even More Bizarre December Holidays ------------*
December 21 is Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day,
National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger Day
December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day
December 23 is Roots Day
December 24 is National Egg Nog Day
December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day
December 26 is National Whiners Day
December 27 is National Fruitcake Day
December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day
December 29 is Pepper Pot Day
December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and
National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day
December 31 is Unlucky Day
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend PeggyT :)
_.--"""""-.._
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/ \ / ` ` `'-. `\
| \/| \_ ___ _ `\ \ H O H O H O
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|= | | =|
jgs .--'-. | | .-'--.
/ | | \
\______,__/ \__,______/
>Dear Santa:
I don't want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading
this to be happy. Friends and family are the fruit cakes of life -
some nutty, some dry, some fresh, some old, some soaked in alcohol,
some sweet - but mix them all together and they're my special family
and friends.
Love ya!
Send this to all your fruit cakes.
__
[_ |
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/ _[_]_ || / | _(\()/)___
| (") \/ | | /__(/\)___/|
| >/ . \< | || || ||
| \_:_/ | _.'| || ||
'-----...----`\ |____||____|/
| | \ |
| | '.__/
jgs | |
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
---
...Awww, well, gee! Ditto! Thanks PeggyT!
=================================================================
>-->From TheMasti :)
*.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *.
___ ___ _ ___ _ ___
+ / _]| _]| | [ ]| | / _]
| (_ | _]| |_ | | | || (_ +
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. jgs \/
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*.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *.
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when
this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks
away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the heck was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough,
I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we
get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips
to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany,
no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.
But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous
babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
-<>-
__
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>MY DOCTOR...
Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you
want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again.
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he
realized she was Chinese.
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the
six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him
another six months.
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there
is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I
can't see him."
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor,
doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly
replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."
The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what
start?"
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His
advice: "Don't answer it."
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I
think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take
these - If they don't work, give me a ring."
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The
doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop
going to those places.
You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half
for an appointment, Then he says ,"I wish you had come to me sooner."
-<>-
__ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\
\/ _ _\/ _ ___ ___\/_ _ \/
.\/. + | | | / \ | \| \| | | ' .\/.
-=><=- | || ' || '_/| '_/\ / -=><=-
'/\' |_|_||_|_||_| |_| |_| * '/\'
__ /\ __ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ _ __ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/| | |/ \| | | || \ / \ | | |/ _/\_`\/`_/
<_>()<_>| || | || |_ | || | || ' |\ /\_ \<_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\|_|_|\___/|___||_||___/|_|_| |_| /__//_,/\,_\
\/ _{}_ \/
.\/. * .' '. + .\/.
-=><=- ' + /_......_\ + -=><=-
'/\' _ __ _ ."` `". * '/\'
__ /\ __ | | ______ \ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ |; |_.-'o o`-._/ \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> || | V | ' <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ ||_ , |\ `'----'` / /_,/\,_\
\/ '-.` .-';'---.--.--'; * \/
.\/. * || | \ '. \ * .\/.
-=><=- _||_ /'-.____\ `\ ; -=><=-
'/\' / ) | | |`\ + '/\'
__ /\ __ ' | _.' \ \ \ \ ' __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ \ || ()\ \\\ \ \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_> \|| \\\\\\ \ | <_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ || () |_/ /_,/\,_\
\/ * || ; * \/
.\/. || () ' '. .\/.
-=><=- ' .'|| '. -' '-. -=><=-
'/\' .-' || `" " ` `--. '/\'
__ /\ __jgs __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __
\_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/
<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>
/_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\
\/ \/ \/ \/
>HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and
height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's
workshop.'
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who
is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge .
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.
But do share this with someone.
We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
Worry about nothing, pray about everything!!!
=================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
>From AFA: God is sending a message from Athens, Texas!
When a Wisconsin-based group, The Freedom From Religion Foundation
(TFFR), ordered city leaders in Athens, Texas, to remove a Nativity
scene from the courthouse lawn, officials and citizens were single-
minded in their response. "Don't mess with Texas, and don't mess with
our Nativity!" Read More:
http://tinyurl.com/http-action-afa-net-email-on
-<>-
>From Freedom Works:
Wyden-Ryan Medicare plan: ObamaCare for seniors
http://tinyurl.com/c2geazx
-<>-
>From HumanEvents:
President Gingrich? His plan to restore American greatness
http://tinyurl.com/d2wyw6z
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
We could use another 100 voices like his in the Congress.
Mike Kelly, a Chevy/Cadillac dealer in western PA...got himself
elected to congress last term....listen to him take the entire
congress to the "woodshed". Click below. He says what I would
like to say to congress!
You just wonder how long he can stay around.
http://pawatercooler.com/v3/?p=22696
(and no teleprompter....)
---
...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PeggyT :)
News Of The Weird...
A man working with his computer,
not wearing a seat belt, hits tree.
Yes, it was a police officer
THE DEL RAY POLICE ARE IN NEED OF A POLICE OFFICER
---
...Oh My! He should know better! Thanks PeggyT!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Hell has no fury like a woman scorned, especially if that woman is into
taxidermy. That's what 20-year-old Terry Nowakowski learned the hard
way when he walked out on his ex-girlfriend Chelsea.
The two lived together in Zephyrhills, Florida, despite being broken
up, for financial reasons and for the sake of their 3-year-old
daughter. But when Terry walked outside to call his current girlfriend,
Chelsea got upset.
Maybe she was hoping they would eventually reconcile.
Whatever the reason she locked the door on him and wouldn't let him
back inside. Not being the kind of man who takes being locked out of
his own house lightly, he broke the door in, whereupon he was met with
a face full of deer antlers.
Chelsea, having armed herself with a stuffed deer head, began striking
him in the face and body with the antlers.
Terry ended up with cuts and swelling on his face from the attack,
while Chelsea was charged with domestic battery and ordered held
without bail.
The deer head is being held as evidence.
*-- Oregon man arrested in light saber attack --*
PORTLAND, Ore. - Police in Oregon said they arrested a man accused of
assaulting fellow Toys R Us customers with a toy light saber. Portland
police said officers responded to the store at 9:51 p.m. Wednesday on a
report of a man attacking customers with the "Star Wars" toy, and they
arrived to find the man swinging the light saber around in the parking
lot and shouting incoherent statements. An officer used a Taser on the
man, but he was able to use the light saber to break one of the wires,
police said. They said the man was tackled to the ground and continued
to struggle while being taken into custody. The man, identified as
David Allen Canterbury, 33, was taken to a local hospital for a mental
evaluation. Police said he is being charged with three counts of
assault in the fourth degree, one count of disorderly conduct in the
second degree, one count of theft in the third degree, one count of
resisting arrest and one count of interfering with a police officer.
*-- Cat gets new home in exchange for kidney --*
MEMPHIS - A cat destined for euthanasia in a Philadelphia animal
shelter has a new life and new home after giving up a kidney to a cat
in Memphis, Tenn. Catherine Addy-Bernstein, whose Siamese cat, Opie,
suffered from terminal kidney disease, agreed to take the year-old
stray, Cadbury, the Memphis Commercial Appeal reported. That is one of
the requirements of a feline transplant program that matches pets in
need of organs with potential donors in shelters. This week,
Addy-Bernstein and the two cats marked the three-month anniversary of
the surgery. Both cats are doing well, although Addy-Bernstein said the
anti-rejection medication makes Opie short-tempered. She said the two
cats have a "special connection" and Cadbury occasionally licks Opie on
a spot just above the kidney. Opie, now 12 years old, had suffered from
kidney disease for years. But the disease worsened during the summer
and a vet gave him two months to live without a transplant. Opie is
scheduled to be featured on the Animal Planet show "Must Love Cats"
early next year.
*-- School gives belts to sagging pupils --*
ROCK HILL, S.C. - Administrators at a South Carolina high school said
students caught with saggy pants will now receive loaner belts instead
of written referrals. William Cureton, an administrative assistant and
assistant football coach for Northwestern High School in Rock Hill,
said he came up with the idea for the loaner belts after talking to
colleagues who were similarly frustrated by students whose pants sag
beneath their underwear, the Rock Hill Herald reported Monday. "We see
kids with their britches hanging down all the time," Cureton said. "We
want to change the culture." Cureton said school administrators have
come up with a slogan for the policy, "Pull 'em up, and buckle 'em up."
*-- Man trashed house, thought woman trapped --*
WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah - Police in Utah said a man who had taken a
substance destroyed the inside of his father's home because he was
convinced his girlfriend was trapped in the walls. West Valley City
police said the man, who had apparently overdosed on a substance,
called for help Saturday afternoon and told officers he had heard his
girlfriend calling from help from behind the walls of the home, the
Salt Lake Tribune reported Monday. Police said they found the man had
destroyed the interior of the home, which belongs to his father, who
was out of town at the time of the incident. Investigators said they
found the girlfriend was vacationing in Texas and was unaware of the
incident.
*-- Michigan woman sues over smelly car --*
NEW BALTIMORE, Mich. - A Michigan woman may not have expected that
new-car smell when she bought a used vehicle but says she certainly
didn't expect the odor of a dead body. In a lawsuit filed in Oakland
County Circuit Court, Margarita Salais of New Baltimore alleges the
dealership's staff sold her a 2006 Ford Expedition last March without
telling her it once held a dead body, The Detroit News reported Monday.
"They bought the car while it was still cold out in March," her
attorney, Dani Liblang, told the News. "The warmer it got, the worse
the smell got." Salais said when she brought the car back to the
dealership someone told her the smell came from a dead animal. She said
she filed a claim with her insurance company, whose investigators
determined odor was of human origin. The insurance company later
learned the car had been stolen three times, something Salais said the
dealer also failed to tell her. Her efforts to return the car were
fruitless and she now seeks $25,000 plus court fees, the News said.
*-- Mosquitoes plague New York neighborhood --*
NEW YORK - Residents of a New York neighborhood said their homes are
being swarmed by mosquitoes that have not been deterred by the December
weather. Assemblywoman Linda Rosenthal said residents of West 84th
Street on the Upper West Side said the mosquito problem in the area is
akin to "something from the Third World," but residents have received
no help from the city, the New York Post reported Monday. "People on
West 84th have been contacting city agencies and other officials
complaining about the enormous number of mosquitoes, but they haven't
listened. They tell them to hire a private exterminator," Rosenthal
said. "I've heard people are sleeping under mosquito netting because
their children are being bitten up." Rosenthal said she was able to
convince the city to lay traps in the sewers and Con Ed workers paved
over sinkholes allowing the insects to escape from underground, but the
problem persists.
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters
for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display
near the checkout counter.
During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing
and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife.
"How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer,
the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said,
"Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first."
-<>-
__...-------...__
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```--------```
[I know I've used this one before, but it's definitely worth
repeating.]
My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral
service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured
him that he would prompt him. All went well until, at
the close, the undertaker whispered to him to instruct
the family to come up and view the body. "Will the family
now come forward and pass around the bier," said my
father.
He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later,
as my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery
workers talking. "I didn't get any beer," one said. "Did
you?"
"You heard the chaplain," the other replied. "It was just
for the family."
-<>-
_....._
.-::. ':::-.
.:. '::. '::. '.
/'::. _::._::. :\
;. '::'` `:' .::\
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'-..:-'
A minister in a little church had been having trouble with
the collections.
One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection
plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the
chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from
giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money
from a thief!"
The collection plate was passed around, and for the first
time in months everybody gave.
-<>-
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose
hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the
marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away.
The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff
of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right
of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze
that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of
the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left
of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him!
We got him!"
-<>-
A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked
what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50,
she was outraged.
"I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!"
The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't
bite, do you?!"
-<>-
I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed
this question to the students: Why do people choose to have
their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their
estate?
After students offered various theories, one fellow raised
his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but
when I was little, when my brother and sister finished
playing with me, they would put me into a drawer."
============================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
_____________,--,
| | | | | | |/ .-.\ HANG IN THERE
|_|_|_|_|_|_/ / `. SANTA
|_|__|__|_; | \
|___|__|_/| | .'`}
|_|__|__/ | | .'.'`\
|__|__|/ ; ; / / \.-"-.
||__|_; \ \ || /`___. \
|_|___/\ /;.`,\\ {_'___.;{}
|__|_/ `;`__|`-.;| |C` e e`\
|___`L \__|__|__| | `'-o-' }
||___|\__)___|__||__|\ ^ /`\
|__|__|__|__|__|_{___}'.__.`\_.'}
||___|__|__|__|__;\_)-'`\ {_.-;
|__|__|__|__|__|/` (`\__/ '-'
|_|___|__|__/` |
-jgs---|__|___|__/` \-------------------
-.__.-.|___|___;` |.__.-.__.-.__.-.__
| | || | | | |
-' '---' '---' \ /-' '---' '---' '--
| | '. .' | | | |
'---' '---' '---' `-===-'`--' '---' '---' '---'
| | | | | | | |
-' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '--
| | | | | | | |
'---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---'
Capitol Nativity Scene Notice: The Supreme Court has ruled that there
cannot be a nativity scene in Washington , D.C. this Christmas. This
isn't for any religious or constitutional reason. They simply have not
been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.
-<>-
To: All Holiday Participants
Re: Christukkah
Subject: UNEXPECTED MERGER
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions,
it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and
Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in
the works about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the
overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality
service during the fifteen Days of Christukkah, as the new holiday is
being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a- milking
being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the
letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin,
thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the
message on the dreidel will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff
happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa
Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering
their gifts.
One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three
hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave
milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A
breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be
Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain
the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading
all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."
-<>-
HO .----.
HO .' ,_ \
_ HO /__ ( \|
/ ( . {___`'-.\{_}
| `|_ /6)6`'-._}
\_.'_} |/_ _7 |
{_.'| |5-.' /(
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\ /.\__/ _.'`\
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`; .' /_/
/ `- / /
/ /\ \
{`-._/ \ _.'`}
;-.__} {__.'\
__/ / \_ \
( ` / / /
jgs '.__/ (__.'
>Consider the following:
You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants".
Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do
all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the
work.
Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
Santa travels a lot.
Yup, Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!
-<>-
_..-"""---._
.-" '.
.t __ '.
/` .\_.--' ;
| ' . ; __ __ ;
\' ./`--' .`'---'. '--`\
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`"-...__...-"`
Back in the 60s a US Navy cruiser put into port in Mobile , Alabama for
a week's R & R.
The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to
receive the following letter from the wife of a very wealthy plantation
owner and industrialist:
Dear Captain: Thursday will be my daughter Susan's debutante ball. I
would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried
officers. They should arrive at 8p.m. sharp, prepared for an evening of
polite Southern conversation and dancing with lovely young ladies.
PS: No Jews.
Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady followed her butler to
answer a rap at the door which was opened by the butler. She found in
dress uniform, four handsome, exquisitely mannered and smiling African
American naval officers.
"There must be some mistake." she stammered.
"Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes."
-<>-
>Getting the Ship Under Way
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty
when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the
ship under way.
With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and
soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The
ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz
with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under
way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when
another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was,
however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he
was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon
completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and
with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of
the unwritten rules -
- make sure the captain is aboard beforee getting under way."
-<>-
_________________________________
|.==============. .==============.|
j| | | ||
g| | | ||
s| __ | | M E R R Y ||
|| .' '. | | ||
|| / \ | | CHRISTMAS! ||
|| .-;.- \| | ||
||_(___)________| |______________||
| ______________ ______________ |
||/ .-'````"-. | | ||
||-` _..---. `-| | .-. ||
||.-" o `'._| | /\/ \ ||
|| \,_ .-. o | | _ / | ||
|| '._\_/._, | | / `\ / ||
|| ()\__.'-'| |`\ \.--' ||
|| | | ',_/ ||
||_____________/| |__/___________||
'================================='
>The Sailor Saves The Day
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and
was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor
saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm
off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on
my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll
keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Maybe a
fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece
of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by
the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an
arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a
trip to Europe , and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island
Ferry."
-<>-
A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of
riding.
"How are we faring?" his king asks.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your
behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now."
-<>-
_...
o_.-"` `\
.--. _ `'-._.-'""-; _
.' \`_\_ {_.-a"a-} _ / \
_/ .-' '. {c-._o_.){\|` |
(@`-._ / \{ ^ } \\ _/
`~\ '-._ /'. } \} .-.
|>:< '-.__/ '._,} \_/ / ())
| >:< `'---. ____'-.|(`"`
\ >:< \\_\\_\ | ;
\ \\-{}-\/ \
\ '._\\' /)
'. /(
`-._ _____ _ _____ __.'\ \
/ \ / \ / \ \ \
jgs _.'/^\'._.'/^\'._.'/^\'.__) \
,==' `---` '---' '---' )
`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""`
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his
subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive
their enemies.
About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another
Twenty minutes and repeated his question.
This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still
unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his
question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except
one elderly lady in the rear.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are
you?"
"Ninety three."
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a
person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly
turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the b-otches."
-<>-
I hate people that forward too many warnings as much as anyone, but
this one is important!
Send this warning to everyone you know, friends and enemies!
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey
on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around,
Do not do it!
IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked!
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now.
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend PeggyT:
.-""""""""""-.
/ `\
/ .--.---.-.-.--.-;.
; { ' . ' . ' . '}
| {__'_,__.__'__.__'_}
| / _ _ \
| ; / \ / \ ;
| | |0| |0| |
\ | \_/ \_/ |
.-'\; \ / ;
|. ' \ '. .' /
\ ` / '. '-.__.-' .'
'--' '-._ _.-'
jgs ''''
>Story Time!
A little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at Mayfair Mall in
Wisconsin . The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a
little girl. "Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend? Your
sister?"
"Yes, Santa," he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he
said sadly.
Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw
her dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
"She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!" the
child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly.
Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face,
asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas. When they
finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off
his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.
"What is it?" Santa asked warmly.
"Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but ...." the old
woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to
collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors. "The
girl in the photograph ... my granddaughter .. well, you see ... she
has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays,"
she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa ... any
possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked
for, for Christmas, is to see Santa."
Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave
information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what
he could do. Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon.
He knew what he had to do. "What if it were MY child lying in that
hospital bed, dying," he thought with a sinking heart, "this is the
least I can do."
When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening,
he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was
staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to
Children's Hospital.
"Why?" Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah's grandmother earlier
that day. "C'mon .... I'll take you there," Rick said softly.
Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa. They found
out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the
hall. Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door
and saw little Sarah on the bed. The room was full of what appeared to
be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl's brother he had
met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah's mother stood
by the bed, gently pushing Sarah's thin hair off her forehead. And
another woman who he discovered later was Sarah's aunt, sat in a chair
near the bed with weary, sad look on her face. They were talking
quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family,
and their love and concern for Sarah. Taking a deep breath, and
forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a
hearty, "Ho, ho, ho!"
"Santa!" shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed
to run to him, IV tubes in tact.
Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender
age of his own son -- 9 years old -- gazed up at him with wonder and
excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald
patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he
looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he
had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted
upon Sarah's face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the
women in the room. As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept
quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa's shoulder or his
hand gratefully, whispering "thank you" as they gazed sincerely at him
with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him
excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she'd
been a very good girl that year. As their time together dwindled,
Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for
permission from the girl's mother. She nodded in agreement and the
entire family circled around Sarah's bed, holding hands. Santa looked
intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels.
"Oh, yes, Santa ... I do!" she exclaimed.
"Well, I'm going to ask that angels watch over you," he said. Laying
one hand on the child's head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He
asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this
disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her.
And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started
singing softly, "Silent Night, Holy Night .... all is calm, all is
bright." The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah,
and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed
at them all. When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed
again and held Sarah's frail, small hands in his own.
"Now, Sarah," he said authoritatively, "you have a job to do, and that
is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with
your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at
Mayfair Mall this time next year!" He knew it was risky proclaiming
that, to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he "had" to. He
had to give her the greatest gift he could -- not dolls or games or
toys -- but the gift of HOPE.
"Yes, Santa!" Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright.
He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room. Out
in the hall, the minute Santa's eyes met Rick's, a look passed between
them and they wept unashamed. Sarah's mother and grandmother slipped
out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa's side to thank him.
"My only child is the same age as Sarah," he explained quietly. "This
is the least I could do." They nodded with understanding and hugged
him.
One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for
his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went
by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap. "Hi, Santa!
Remember me?!"
"Of course, I do," Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down
at her.
After all, the secret to being a "good" Santa is to always make each
child feel as if they are the "only" child in the world at that moment.
"You came to see me in the hospital last year!" Santa's jaw dropped.
Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little
miracle and held her to his chest. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. He scarcely
recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were
rosy -- much different from the little girl he had visited just a year
before. He looked over and saw Sarah's mother and grandmother in the
sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes.
That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus. He had witnessed
--and been blessed to be instrumental inn bringing about -- this miracle
of hope. This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive
and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, "Thank
you. 'Tis a very, Merry Christmas!
Faith, love, family and the power of prayer!
---
...A beautiful heartwarming story! Thank You PeggyT!
==================================================================
>-->Fun Places To Net Visit :)
My Catty Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catlife.html
Life's Little Oops 10!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html
Super Puppies
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppy.html
Humor In Religion 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html
God's Paintings 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpaints2.html
Fun With Snow In Russia!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russia.html
Disney Christmas
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas.html
Redneck Christmas Tree!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html
Christmas With Pets!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmaspets.html
Where's The Line?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html
The Christmas Story!!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/christmasstory.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Hilltop: A Kids View Of The Christmas Story
http://tinyurl.com/cpkhtu3
---
...sweet! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend EdLaF :)
Dogs Saying Grace Before Meals
http://www.dogwork.com/prybrme8/
---
...awww, such a blessing! TeeHee! Thanks EdlaF!
Santa Election
http://tinyurl.com/chsdbnx
---
...LMAO! Good One! Thanks EdLaF!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
Kid-Friendly Winter Activities.
The snow may be burying your backyard and jungle gym,
but that doesn't mean your kids can't have fun outside.
This website has 17 free (or almost free) winter-friendly
activities to keep them busy.
http://www.ivillage.com/winter-activities-kids/6-b-317446
---
...Good one! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
The Three Little Pigs At Xmas Time
http://uselessgraphics.com/humorous%20videos/threepigs.htm
---
...Oh my goodness! TeeHee! Thanks Jo Ann!
Merry Christmas
http://tinyurl.com/y857e4b
---
...Awww, Ditto, Thank You Jo Ann!
-<>-
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
ripped : doodles
http://goo.gl/YMXDN
ripped : send a personalized phone call from Santa ( Free )
http://www.sendacallfromsanta.com/
Google's Latest Easter Egg: Let It Snow
http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2397781,00.asp
---
...Good Fun ones! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Exam
http://www.buffaloschips.com/34t.htm
Future Engineers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9o7.htm
Glock Home Protection
http://www.buffaloschips.com/78i6.htm
Gunfighter
http://www.buffaloschips.com/i7664.htm
Guterbike
http://www.buffaloschips.com/u64eh.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
==============================================================
.\/. *
+ + >><><<
'/\' *
/`x.`\ +
* /;<> @ \ , \|
* /& `';;;_\ \'-,_/|
|./ * O (_)| '-./ )-,_ *
\ o .--. ! / ( )`-._\
+ .;`-'(_) '-`'. ,;v
/_`;;, x <>* \ ,,;' +
/(_) `';;;;,,_,;\`
+ | !/ ^ & `(_) |
__ _ \^ @/`\ . !/`\ O/ +
/ `\/ `\ .'`-' + '--' _ '-`'. +
|/`\ \| | /;;<> !_ o (_) + . \
* \ \_| / `';;(_) . _x ; \ (()
/ `\_ | _' & `';;;, O ^ (_),;\-'@_<"/ _, *
| ^ y,-._ |(_) / ' * `'';;;;'` |\_.\` \ (
) _=_/,-;_)\ /`\<> /``\ @ /`\ ! / \ _`) \_)
. ' .-' --..' / .'`-' x '--' . '--'_. '-`'. \,(__/
.' .___.' /;;;,, O . _ + (_) . * \ \' \ '
. / '-. / /! `';;;;,, (_) ^ & <>,;;\ \-'\ ' .
_| \/\ ' | @ (_)''';;;;,, o ,,;;;''` x| \.-\
{_} |_/ . | * o ' _ `';;;'` O (_) | .\_.\ ' .
\ ,_./ \__ | _ + . ^ (_) .o _' . + | \ \
' `. \__\___) \ (_) __ & __. (_) __ ! @ / \- \ '
. \____) '._.'` `'._.;;;;;;._.'` `'._.' . \
' jgs. ' . ' . '
' . . . ' '
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, the
number of men getting chin augmentation increased 70 percent
over last year. The reason I know this...I am a donor. I've
been given so much and others have been given so little. I'm
just glad I can give back." --Jay Leno
"Recent studies have found that a diet high in soy beans
and soy sauce can result in infertility in men. Which that
goes to explain China's low population." --Conan O'Brien
"Here's one of the reasons to love New York City, one of
those things that only happens here. This week a restaurant
here was featuring a clothing-optional dinner. You go in
and eat naked...just like home. --Dave Letterman
"My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married.
She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I
can...she's always on my back." --Scott Wood
"A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not
protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might
actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was
published in this month's Journal of Things that Scientists
Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful
This Month." --Dennis Miller
"Experts in Washington say that if the coast guard's ships
aren't replaced soon, they will be unable to keep drugs and
illegal aliens from entering our country. God forbid that
should ever happen – imagine what this place would be like
if illegal aliens and drugs were able to get in here?"
--Jay Leno
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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