Dear Santa And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ __,_,_,___) _______ (--| | | (--/ ),_) ,_) | | | _ ,_,_ | |_ ,_ ' , _|_,_,_, _ , __| | | (/_| | (_| | | || |/_)_| | | |(_|/_)___, ( |___, ,__| \____) |__, |__, _.-"""-. .' \ `\ .' .-' '. _ | /.__ ) C, ^ \ .' `'-. ( ;-.-' / '. ) | / \ / _., ; . ';-"`;_.'\ | '. \ | / .* ** *, |___ `'-..___.|__/--' * .--. * | ```"""-----'/ '*/_ _`\*'`\ )"""----....___.; _.`.|^.^ ?;` .' .' '.`'. .;-.-'\_- /-.',( / '. \ /_.' ;.| |'--....___ ___..--` \ .;' .-' .; L.._ __ ```` __..-' /; / `.' / ;._`__````""--""`` \ .'( _.'`.' /` 7 | ``""";--.._ | /`,'`'"".`"` '.' .' | 7 | | `' | \__.` '. _`;.' .' \__| .--'._; / |_`""-'` | .' \__/` jgs `'-.___.; .-; `\...._/-' {_}-' \ \ `-.._ | / `"-' ================================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Boy That Deer Can Kick! . _, |`\__/ / \ . .( | __T| / | _.---=======' | What do you call a deer that can kick // {} a ball with his left and right feet? `| , , {} \ /___; ,' ) ,-;` `\ // | / ( ;|| ||`\\ ||| bambidextrus || \\ ||| jgs )\ )\ )|| `" `" `"" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) >Rules for Writers: Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read. Don't use no double negatives. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't. Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed. No sentence fragments. Avoid commas, that are unnecessary. Eschew dialect, irregardless. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens. Write all adverbial forms correct. Don't use contractions in formal writing. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole. Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration. Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death. "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'" ================================================================= *------------ Even More Bizarre December Holidays ------------* December 21 is Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day, National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger Day December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day December 23 is Roots Day December 24 is National Egg Nog Day December 25 is National Pumpkin Pie Day December 26 is National Whiners Day December 27 is National Fruitcake Day December 28 is Card Playing Day and National Chocolate Day December 29 is Pepper Pot Day December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day December 31 is Unlucky Day ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend PeggyT :) _.--"""""-.._ __ .'_ _ '. / \ / ` ` `'-. `\ | \/| \_ ___ _ `\ \ H O H O H O \ _..; )` _ `_"--.\ | ;" \ | a/ a (`\ | | _.; /_.<_..___, )\\ | \_.-' | ;-.__,__..-' '.'. / | ; / ( ) \_| | \( ( ( )/ \ \ ( ( .'\ / \ , \ _.' '-'`. `| '-(.___.--' ,;,-\_, \ | o: .-'(())_/ ; ; : |.-' / `'. | \ o: \ .-\ \ _/ ;--._ _:_ \ / \ |\ ) `'|.-.|"'\\__.-`'-'\| /``'-.._||_||_..\ _.' / '-;-' \__.-' \ /``'--..__ : __..--'``\ \_ ``````````` _/ `'--,...__ __...,--'` | ```;``` | \ | / \_ _ _ | _ _ _ / /` ` ` `|` ` ` `\ \_._._./ \._._._/ |= | | =| jgs .--'-. | | .-'--. / | | \ \______,__/ \__,______/ >Dear Santa: I don't want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading this to be happy. Friends and family are the fruit cakes of life - some nutty, some dry, some fresh, some old, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet - but mix them all together and they're my special family and friends. Love ya! Send this to all your fruit cakes. __ [_ | _____||_____ .'` _ || .'`\ ,;;, / _[_]_ || / | _(\()/)___ | (") \/ | | /__(/\)___/| | >/ . \< | || || || | \_:_/ | _.'| || || '-----...----`\ |____||____|/ | | \ | | | '.__/ jgs | | MERRY CHRISTMAS! --- ...Awww, well, gee! Ditto! Thanks PeggyT! ================================================================= >-->From TheMasti :) *.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *. ___ ___ _ ___ _ ___ + / _]| _]| | [ ]| | / _] | (_ | _]| |_ | | | || (_ + ' \___]|___]|___]|_| |_| \___] . () ___ __ __ ___ ___ * /\ | _]| \ / \ / __][ ] //\\ | _]| [)/| () |\__ \ | | * . << >> |_| |_._\ \__/ [___/ |_| . () \\// () ()._____ /\ \\ /\ _____.() + \.--.\ //\\ //\\ //\\ /.--./ + . \\__\\/__\//__\//__\\/__// '--/\\--//\--//\--/\\--' \\\\///\\//\\\//// * * ()-= >>\\< <\\> >\\<< =-() . ////\\\//\\///\\\\ . .--\\/--\//--\//--\//--. //""/\\""//\""//\""//\""\\ + /'--'/ \\// \\// \\// \'--'\ * . ()`"""` \/ // \/ `""""`() () //\\ () + * << >> \\// . . jgs \/ () + *.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *.+ +. * +' . + *. A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the heck was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies. -<>- __ .:::'-. /::: '. /::: \ /::: \: | /::: |:: ; /::: \:: ( /:::: ':.)'. .'```--'`'-.__.-" /. `\ / ( ' ' '| (' | | ' . ) . '. ) / ) . ' . ' )_.' \ ;'--""-...-'-.__/ '-/ , \ ;_ )`-. .( \ ."`` ` | `\ / | ; ; \ _| | _| '-. | '.(_/ \(_/ \ | __ | ; `'.__.- (._.) ._. / \ \ ) | /` `'. '. ( / ; '. `'-'-._` _.' / `. '-' / |`-. _.' _| `. '--;` jgs_.-""` .`"=. .-._| / ' ) ` . `-""-. \ . ( ' . ( ' ) `/-.__.--._ ' ._ ' .' /::::. `""`` `--`\ /::::::. \ >MY DOCTOR... Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again. He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese. Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months. While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him." Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops." One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?" I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it." My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't work, give me a ring." Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later." When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places. You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, Then he says ,"I wish you had come to me sooner." -<>- __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ \/ _ _\/ _ ___ ___\/_ _ \/ .\/. + | | | / \ | \| \| | | ' .\/. -=><=- | || ' || '_/| '_/\ / -=><=- '/\' |_|_||_|_||_| |_| |_| * '/\' __ /\ __ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ _ __ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/| | |/ \| | | || \ / \ | | |/ _/\_`\/`_/ <_>()<_>| || | || |_ | || | || ' |\ /\_ \<_>()<_> /_,/\,_\|_|_|\___/|___||_||___/|_|_| |_| /__//_,/\,_\ \/ _{}_ \/ .\/. * .' '. + .\/. -=><=- ' + /_......_\ + -=><=- '/\' _ __ _ ."` `". * '/\' __ /\ __ | | ______ \ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ |; |_.-'o o`-._/ \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> || | V | ' <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ ||_ , |\ `'----'` / /_,/\,_\ \/ '-.` .-';'---.--.--'; * \/ .\/. * || | \ '. \ * .\/. -=><=- _||_ /'-.____\ `\ ; -=><=- '/\' / ) | | |`\ + '/\' __ /\ __ ' | _.' \ \ \ \ ' __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ \ || ()\ \\\ \ \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_> \|| \\\\\\ \ | <_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ || () |_/ /_,/\,_\ \/ * || ; * \/ .\/. || () ' '. .\/. -=><=- ' .'|| '. -' '-. -=><=- '/\' .-' || `" " ` `--. '/\' __ /\ __jgs __ /\ __ __ /\ __ __ /\ __ \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ .\'/. \_`\/`_/ <_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_>-=>*<=-<_>()<_> /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ '/.\' /_,/\,_\ \/ \/ \/ \/ >HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them' 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge . 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!! Worry about nothing, pray about everything!!! ================================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From AFA: God is sending a message from Athens, Texas! When a Wisconsin-based group, The Freedom From Religion Foundation (TFFR), ordered city leaders in Athens, Texas, to remove a Nativity scene from the courthouse lawn, officials and citizens were single- minded in their response. "Don't mess with Texas, and don't mess with our Nativity!" Read More: http://tinyurl.com/http-action-afa-net-email-on -<>- >From Freedom Works: Wyden-Ryan Medicare plan: ObamaCare for seniors http://tinyurl.com/c2geazx -<>- >From HumanEvents: President Gingrich? His plan to restore American greatness http://tinyurl.com/d2wyw6z -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) We could use another 100 voices like his in the Congress. Mike Kelly, a Chevy/Cadillac dealer in western PA...got himself elected to congress last term....listen to him take the entire congress to the "woodshed". Click below. He says what I would like to say to congress! You just wonder how long he can stay around. http://pawatercooler.com/v3/?p=22696 (and no teleprompter....) --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend PeggyT :) News Of The Weird... A man working with his computer, not wearing a seat belt, hits tree. Yes, it was a police officer THE DEL RAY POLICE ARE IN NEED OF A POLICE OFFICER --- ...Oh My! He should know better! Thanks PeggyT! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Hell has no fury like a woman scorned, especially if that woman is into taxidermy. That's what 20-year-old Terry Nowakowski learned the hard way when he walked out on his ex-girlfriend Chelsea. The two lived together in Zephyrhills, Florida, despite being broken up, for financial reasons and for the sake of their 3-year-old daughter. But when Terry walked outside to call his current girlfriend, Chelsea got upset. Maybe she was hoping they would eventually reconcile. Whatever the reason she locked the door on him and wouldn't let him back inside. Not being the kind of man who takes being locked out of his own house lightly, he broke the door in, whereupon he was met with a face full of deer antlers. Chelsea, having armed herself with a stuffed deer head, began striking him in the face and body with the antlers. Terry ended up with cuts and swelling on his face from the attack, while Chelsea was charged with domestic battery and ordered held without bail. The deer head is being held as evidence. *-- Oregon man arrested in light saber attack --* PORTLAND, Ore. - Police in Oregon said they arrested a man accused of assaulting fellow Toys R Us customers with a toy light saber. Portland police said officers responded to the store at 9:51 p.m. Wednesday on a report of a man attacking customers with the "Star Wars" toy, and they arrived to find the man swinging the light saber around in the parking lot and shouting incoherent statements. An officer used a Taser on the man, but he was able to use the light saber to break one of the wires, police said. They said the man was tackled to the ground and continued to struggle while being taken into custody. The man, identified as David Allen Canterbury, 33, was taken to a local hospital for a mental evaluation. Police said he is being charged with three counts of assault in the fourth degree, one count of disorderly conduct in the second degree, one count of theft in the third degree, one count of resisting arrest and one count of interfering with a police officer. *-- Cat gets new home in exchange for kidney --* MEMPHIS - A cat destined for euthanasia in a Philadelphia animal shelter has a new life and new home after giving up a kidney to a cat in Memphis, Tenn. Catherine Addy-Bernstein, whose Siamese cat, Opie, suffered from terminal kidney disease, agreed to take the year-old stray, Cadbury, the Memphis Commercial Appeal reported. That is one of the requirements of a feline transplant program that matches pets in need of organs with potential donors in shelters. This week, Addy-Bernstein and the two cats marked the three-month anniversary of the surgery. Both cats are doing well, although Addy-Bernstein said the anti-rejection medication makes Opie short-tempered. She said the two cats have a "special connection" and Cadbury occasionally licks Opie on a spot just above the kidney. Opie, now 12 years old, had suffered from kidney disease for years. But the disease worsened during the summer and a vet gave him two months to live without a transplant. Opie is scheduled to be featured on the Animal Planet show "Must Love Cats" early next year. *-- School gives belts to sagging pupils --* ROCK HILL, S.C. - Administrators at a South Carolina high school said students caught with saggy pants will now receive loaner belts instead of written referrals. William Cureton, an administrative assistant and assistant football coach for Northwestern High School in Rock Hill, said he came up with the idea for the loaner belts after talking to colleagues who were similarly frustrated by students whose pants sag beneath their underwear, the Rock Hill Herald reported Monday. "We see kids with their britches hanging down all the time," Cureton said. "We want to change the culture." Cureton said school administrators have come up with a slogan for the policy, "Pull 'em up, and buckle 'em up." *-- Man trashed house, thought woman trapped --* WEST VALLEY CITY, Utah - Police in Utah said a man who had taken a substance destroyed the inside of his father's home because he was convinced his girlfriend was trapped in the walls. West Valley City police said the man, who had apparently overdosed on a substance, called for help Saturday afternoon and told officers he had heard his girlfriend calling from help from behind the walls of the home, the Salt Lake Tribune reported Monday. Police said they found the man had destroyed the interior of the home, which belongs to his father, who was out of town at the time of the incident. Investigators said they found the girlfriend was vacationing in Texas and was unaware of the incident. *-- Michigan woman sues over smelly car --* NEW BALTIMORE, Mich. - A Michigan woman may not have expected that new-car smell when she bought a used vehicle but says she certainly didn't expect the odor of a dead body. In a lawsuit filed in Oakland County Circuit Court, Margarita Salais of New Baltimore alleges the dealership's staff sold her a 2006 Ford Expedition last March without telling her it once held a dead body, The Detroit News reported Monday. "They bought the car while it was still cold out in March," her attorney, Dani Liblang, told the News. "The warmer it got, the worse the smell got." Salais said when she brought the car back to the dealership someone told her the smell came from a dead animal. She said she filed a claim with her insurance company, whose investigators determined odor was of human origin. The insurance company later learned the car had been stolen three times, something Salais said the dealer also failed to tell her. Her efforts to return the car were fruitless and she now seeks $25,000 plus court fees, the News said. *-- Mosquitoes plague New York neighborhood --* NEW YORK - Residents of a New York neighborhood said their homes are being swarmed by mosquitoes that have not been deterred by the December weather. Assemblywoman Linda Rosenthal said residents of West 84th Street on the Upper West Side said the mosquito problem in the area is akin to "something from the Third World," but residents have received no help from the city, the New York Post reported Monday. "People on West 84th have been contacting city agencies and other officials complaining about the enormous number of mosquitoes, but they haven't listened. They tell them to hire a private exterminator," Rosenthal said. "I've heard people are sleeping under mosquito netting because their children are being bitten up." Rosenthal said she was able to convince the city to lay traps in the sewers and Con Ed workers paved over sinkholes allowing the insects to escape from underground, but the problem persists. ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout counter. During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife. "How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer, the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said, "Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first." -<>- __...-------...__ _.-`` ``-._ .-' @ ()() [] '-. .' () @ '. .' [] () '. .' @ .:. [] ()() '. / ()() ':' [] ) / () _.--""`````""--._ \ ( .:. @ .'\/ \/ '. @ > / ':' .' -|` `|- '. () \ ( [] ) ,_\| |/_, ( ()() ) ; @ / \ / \ ; | ; .-.._)---(_.--. ; .:. > | () ) \_.-/ \-._/ ( ':' [] | ( ()() | | a a | < > | ) \ /`\ ( ()() ) < ; | | '. ; () @ | ; [] @ \ \0/\ '/`\ ,__ __,; ( \ |__.' / / "-._.-" \ \ () '. / _.' .| _'-_/ \_-'_ | ( ()() '._ '---' _.' | .- \_/ -. | \ [] '--.._____..--' \___.-' ;-.___/ ( @ [] / / \ / '. ()() .:. @ / / \ \ '. () ':' () @ / / .'\ \ '. @ ()() /_.'.' \ \ '-._ [] _.-' '._\ `-..__jgs __..-' ```--------``` [I know I've used this one before, but it's definitely worth repeating.] My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured him that he would prompt him. All went well until, at the close, the undertaker whispered to him to instruct the family to come up and view the body. "Will the family now come forward and pass around the bier," said my father. He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later, as my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery workers talking. "I didn't get any beer," one said. "Did you?" "You heard the chaplain," the other replied. "It was just for the family." -<>- _....._ .-::. ':::-. .:. '::. '::. '. /'::. _::._::. :\ ;. '::'` `:' .::\ |::. / \.::'| | '::.| |' .| |. ':| |.::/ |::. | /__.' | '::.| |. ':| |::. | /`""-._ |_'::.| _.-''`\ | .__'/ `\'_. | | .-| |--. | | _.\ /._ | \_..-' /`\--'\ `-.._/ / | \ | | | / ; \ / \ \ | ;-.____/ \____/::.| |. ':| j::. | g '::.| s. ':| |::. | | '::.| '-..:-' A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave. -<>- An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose. The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose. The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!" -<>- A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite, do you?!" -<>- I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed this question to the students: Why do people choose to have their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their estate? After students offered various theories, one fellow raised his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but when I was little, when my brother and sister finished playing with me, they would put me into a drawer." ============================================================ >-->From The Jokester: _____________,--, | | | | | | |/ .-.\ HANG IN THERE |_|_|_|_|_|_/ / `. SANTA |_|__|__|_; | \ |___|__|_/| | .'`} |_|__|__/ | | .'.'`\ |__|__|/ ; ; / / \.-"-. ||__|_; \ \ || /`___. \ |_|___/\ /;.`,\\ {_'___.;{} |__|_/ `;`__|`-.;| |C` e e`\ |___`L \__|__|__| | `'-o-' } ||___|\__)___|__||__|\ ^ /`\ |__|__|__|__|__|_{___}'.__.`\_.'} ||___|__|__|__|__;\_)-'`\ {_.-; |__|__|__|__|__|/` (`\__/ '-' |_|___|__|__/` | -jgs---|__|___|__/` \------------------- -.__.-.|___|___;` |.__.-.__.-.__.-.__ | | || | | | | -' '---' '---' \ /-' '---' '---' '-- | | '. .' | | | | '---' '---' '---' `-===-'`--' '---' '---' '---' | | | | | | | | -' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '-- | | | | | | | | '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' Capitol Nativity Scene Notice: The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington , D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious or constitutional reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable. -<>- To: All Holiday Participants Re: Christukkah Subject: UNEXPECTED MERGER Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the fifteen Days of Christukkah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a- milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful." -<>- HO .----. HO .' ,_ \ _ HO /__ ( \| / ( . {___`'-.\{_} | `|_ /6)6`'-._} \_.'_} |/_ _7 | {_.'| |5-.' /( | \{\ /:'`} \ /.\__/ _.'`\ \ ; o ``` \ ; o \ \_ | o \.'` } ; o_ {__.'\ \==[_]=======|/) | `; .' /_/ / `- / / / /\ \ {`-._/ \ _.'`} ;-.__} {__.'\ __/ / \_ \ ( ` / / / jgs '.__/ (__.' >Consider the following: You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants". Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work. Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week. Santa travels a lot. Yup, Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure! -<>- _..-"""---._ .-" '. .t __ '. /` .\_.--' ; | ' . ; __ __ ; \' ./`--' .`'---'. '--`\ '-'{ . ' .. ' . } \_.._._,.___..___..__/ \_.' / '. .' \ '._/ // \o) )( (o/ \\ \\ / \ // /\_, .\__/. ,_/\ / /(_.' '._)\ \ ; \ /\ / ; |) '---'`\/`'---' ) | | } { }| ; { ( ) ; \( ( / jgs '. } ) .' `"-...__...-"` Back in the 60s a US Navy cruiser put into port in Mobile , Alabama for a week's R & R. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a very wealthy plantation owner and industrialist: Dear Captain: Thursday will be my daughter Susan's debutante ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8p.m. sharp, prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation and dancing with lovely young ladies. PS: No Jews. Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady followed her butler to answer a rap at the door which was opened by the butler. She found in dress uniform, four handsome, exquisitely mannered and smiling African American naval officers. "There must be some mistake." she stammered. "Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes." -<>- >Getting the Ship Under Way A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules - - make sure the captain is aboard beforee getting under way." -<>- _________________________________ |.==============. .==============.| j| | | || g| | | || s| __ | | M E R R Y || || .' '. | | || || / \ | | CHRISTMAS! || || .-;.- \| | || ||_(___)________| |______________|| | ______________ ______________ | ||/ .-'````"-. | | || ||-` _..---. `-| | .-. || ||.-" o `'._| | /\/ \ || || \,_ .-. o | | _ / | || || '._\_/._, | | / `\ / || || ()\__.'-'| |`\ \.--' || || | | ',_/ || ||_____________/| |__/___________|| '=================================' >The Sailor Saves The Day A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Maybe a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe , and he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." -<>- A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of riding. "How are we faring?" his king asks. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now." -<>- _... o_.-"` `\ .--. _ `'-._.-'""-; _ .' \`_\_ {_.-a"a-} _ / \ _/ .-' '. {c-._o_.){\|` | (@`-._ / \{ ^ } \\ _/ `~\ '-._ /'. } \} .-. |>:< '-.__/ '._,} \_/ / ()) | >:< `'---. ____'-.|(`"` \ >:< \\_\\_\ | ; \ \\-{}-\/ \ \ '._\\' /) '. /( `-._ _____ _ _____ __.'\ \ / \ / \ / \ \ \ jgs _.'/^\'._.'/^\'._.'/^\'.__) \ ,==' `---` '---' '---' ) `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""` The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another Twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the b-otches." -<>- I hate people that forward too many warnings as much as anyone, but this one is important! Send this warning to everyone you know, friends and enemies! If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around, Do not do it! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked! I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now. ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend PeggyT: .-""""""""""-. / `\ / .--.---.-.-.--.-;. ; { ' . ' . ' . '} | {__'_,__.__'__.__'_} | / _ _ \ | ; / \ / \ ; | | |0| |0| | \ | \_/ \_/ | .-'\; \ / ; |. ' \ '. .' / \ ` / '. '-.__.-' .' '--' '-._ _.-' jgs '''' >Story Time! A little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin . The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl. "Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend? Your sister?" "Yes, Santa," he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he said sadly. Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue. "She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!" the child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly. Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas. When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted. "What is it?" Santa asked warmly. "Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but ...." the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors. "The girl in the photograph ... my granddaughter .. well, you see ... she has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays," she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa ... any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa." Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do. Santa thought of little else the rest of that afternoon. He knew what he had to do. "What if it were MY child lying in that hospital bed, dying," he thought with a sinking heart, "this is the least I can do." When Santa finished visiting with all the boys and girls that evening, he retrieved from his helper the name of the hospital where Sarah was staying. He asked the assistant location manager how to get to Children's Hospital. "Why?" Rick asked, with a puzzled look on his face. Santa relayed to him the conversation with Sarah's grandmother earlier that day. "C'mon .... I'll take you there," Rick said softly. Rick drove them to the hospital and came inside with Santa. They found out which room Sarah was in. A pale Rick said he would wait out in the hall. Santa quietly peeked into the room through the half-closed door and saw little Sarah on the bed. The room was full of what appeared to be her family; there was the Grandmother and the girl's brother he had met earlier that day. A woman whom he guessed was Sarah's mother stood by the bed, gently pushing Sarah's thin hair off her forehead. And another woman who he discovered later was Sarah's aunt, sat in a chair near the bed with weary, sad look on her face. They were talking quietly, and Santa could sense the warmth and closeness of the family, and their love and concern for Sarah. Taking a deep breath, and forcing a smile on his face, Santa entered the room, bellowing a hearty, "Ho, ho, ho!" "Santa!" shrieked little Sarah weakly, as she tried to escape her bed to run to him, IV tubes in tact. Santa rushed to her side and gave her a warm hug. A child the tender age of his own son -- 9 years old -- gazed up at him with wonder and excitement. Her skin was pale and her short tresses bore telltale bald patches from the effects of chemotherapy. But all he saw when he looked at her was a pair of huge, blue eyes. His heart melted, and he had to force himself to choke back tears. Though his eyes were riveted upon Sarah's face, he could hear the gasps and quiet sobbing of the women in the room. As he and Sarah began talking, the family crept quietly to the bedside one by one, squeezing Santa's shoulder or his hand gratefully, whispering "thank you" as they gazed sincerely at him with shining eyes. Santa and Sarah talked and talked, and she told him excitedly all the toys she wanted for Christmas, assuring him she'd been a very good girl that year. As their time together dwindled, Santa felt led in his spirit to pray for Sarah, and asked for permission from the girl's mother. She nodded in agreement and the entire family circled around Sarah's bed, holding hands. Santa looked intensely at Sarah and asked her if she believed in angels. "Oh, yes, Santa ... I do!" she exclaimed. "Well, I'm going to ask that angels watch over you," he said. Laying one hand on the child's head, Santa closed his eyes and prayed. He asked that God touch little Sarah, and heal her body from this disease. He asked that angels minister to her, watch and keep her. And when he finished praying, still with eyes closed, he started singing softly, "Silent Night, Holy Night .... all is calm, all is bright." The family joined in, still holding hands, smiling at Sarah, and crying tears of hope, tears of joy for this moment, as Sarah beamed at them all. When the song ended, Santa sat on the side of the bed again and held Sarah's frail, small hands in his own. "Now, Sarah," he said authoritatively, "you have a job to do, and that is to concentrate on getting well. I want you to have fun playing with your friends this summer, and I expect to see you at my house at Mayfair Mall this time next year!" He knew it was risky proclaiming that, to this little girl who had terminal cancer, but he "had" to. He had to give her the greatest gift he could -- not dolls or games or toys -- but the gift of HOPE. "Yes, Santa!" Sarah exclaimed, her eyes bright. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead and left the room. Out in the hall, the minute Santa's eyes met Rick's, a look passed between them and they wept unashamed. Sarah's mother and grandmother slipped out of the room quickly and rushed to Santa's side to thank him. "My only child is the same age as Sarah," he explained quietly. "This is the least I could do." They nodded with understanding and hugged him. One year later, Santa Mark was again back on the set in Milwaukee for his six-week, seasonal job which he so loves to do. Several weeks went by and then one day a child came up to sit on his lap. "Hi, Santa! Remember me?!" "Of course, I do," Santa proclaimed (as he always does), smiling down at her. After all, the secret to being a "good" Santa is to always make each child feel as if they are the "only" child in the world at that moment. "You came to see me in the hospital last year!" Santa's jaw dropped. Tears immediately sprang in his eyes, and he grabbed this little miracle and held her to his chest. "Sarah!" he exclaimed. He scarcely recognized her, for her hair was long and silky and her cheeks were rosy -- much different from the little girl he had visited just a year before. He looked over and saw Sarah's mother and grandmother in the sidelines smiling and waving and wiping their eyes. That was the best Christmas ever for Santa Claus. He had witnessed --and been blessed to be instrumental inn bringing about -- this miracle of hope. This precious little child was healed. Cancer-free. Alive and well. He silently looked up to Heaven and humbly whispered, "Thank you. 'Tis a very, Merry Christmas! Faith, love, family and the power of prayer! --- ...A beautiful heartwarming story! Thank You PeggyT! ================================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) My Catty Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catlife.html Life's Little Oops 10! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html Super Puppies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppy.html Humor In Religion 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html God's Paintings 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpaints2.html Fun With Snow In Russia! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russia.html Disney Christmas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas.html Redneck Christmas Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html Christmas With Pets! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmaspets.html Where's The Line? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html The Christmas Story!! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/christmasstory.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Hilltop: A Kids View Of The Christmas Story http://tinyurl.com/cpkhtu3 --- ...sweet! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF :) Dogs Saying Grace Before Meals http://www.dogwork.com/prybrme8/ --- ...awww, such a blessing! TeeHee! Thanks EdlaF! Santa Election http://tinyurl.com/chsdbnx --- ...LMAO! Good One! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Kid-Friendly Winter Activities. The snow may be burying your backyard and jungle gym, but that doesn't mean your kids can't have fun outside. This website has 17 free (or almost free) winter-friendly activities to keep them busy. http://www.ivillage.com/winter-activities-kids/6-b-317446 --- ...Good one! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend Jo Ann :) The Three Little Pigs At Xmas Time http://uselessgraphics.com/humorous%20videos/threepigs.htm --- ...Oh my goodness! TeeHee! Thanks Jo Ann! Merry Christmas http://tinyurl.com/y857e4b --- ...Awww, Ditto, Thank You Jo Ann! -<>- -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : doodles http://goo.gl/YMXDN ripped : send a personalized phone call from Santa ( Free ) http://www.sendacallfromsanta.com/ Google's Latest Easter Egg: Let It Snow http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2397781,00.asp --- ...Good Fun ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Exam http://www.buffaloschips.com/34t.htm Future Engineers http://www.buffaloschips.com/9o7.htm Glock Home Protection http://www.buffaloschips.com/78i6.htm Gunfighter http://www.buffaloschips.com/i7664.htm Guterbike http://www.buffaloschips.com/u64eh.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== .\/. * + + >><><< '/\' * /`x.`\ + * /;<> @ \ , \| * /& `';;;_\ \'-,_/| |./ * O (_)| '-./ )-,_ * \ o .--. ! / ( )`-._\ + .;`-'(_) '-`'. ,;v /_`;;, x <>* \ ,,;' + /(_) `';;;;,,_,;\` + | !/ ^ & `(_) | __ _ \^ @/`\ . !/`\ O/ + / `\/ `\ .'`-' + '--' _ '-`'. + |/`\ \| | /;;<> !_ o (_) + . \ * \ \_| / `';;(_) . _x ; \ (() / `\_ | _' & `';;;, O ^ (_),;\-'@_<"/ _, * | ^ y,-._ |(_) / ' * `'';;;;'` |\_.\` \ ( ) _=_/,-;_)\ /`\<> /``\ @ /`\ ! / \ _`) \_) . ' .-' --..' / .'`-' x '--' . '--'_. '-`'. \,(__/ .' .___.' /;;;,, O . _ + (_) . * \ \' \ ' . / '-. / /! `';;;;,, (_) ^ & <>,;;\ \-'\ ' . _| \/\ ' | @ (_)''';;;;,, o ,,;;;''` x| \.-\ {_} |_/ . | * o ' _ `';;;'` O (_) | .\_.\ ' . \ ,_./ \__ | _ + . ^ (_) .o _' . + | \ \ ' `. \__\___) \ (_) __ & __. (_) __ ! @ / \- \ ' . \____) '._.'` `'._.;;;;;;._.'` `'._.' . \ ' jgs. ' . ' . ' ' . . . ' ' >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, the number of men getting chin augmentation increased 70 percent over last year. The reason I know this...I am a donor. I've been given so much and others have been given so little. I'm just glad I can give back." --Jay Leno "Recent studies have found that a diet high in soy beans and soy sauce can result in infertility in men. Which that goes to explain China's low population." --Conan O'Brien "Here's one of the reasons to love New York City, one of those things that only happens here. This week a restaurant here was featuring a clothing-optional dinner. You go in and eat naked...just like home. --Dave Letterman "My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can...she's always on my back." --Scott Wood "A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was published in this month's Journal of Things that Scientists Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful This Month." --Dennis Miller "Experts in Washington say that if the coast guard's ships aren't replaced soon, they will be unable to keep drugs and illegal aliens from entering our country. God forbid that should ever happen – imagine what this place would be like if illegal aliens and drugs were able to get in here?" --Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************