Definitions Of A Bachelor & More ... :) Shangy! >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) ,| / ; / \ : ,'( |( `.\ : \ `\ \. \ `. | `. \ `-._ ; \ \ ``-.'.. _ `._ `. `-. ```-...__ .'`. --.. ``-..____ ,'.-'`,_-._ (((( ._``,_< `-\,-'`-' ~ _________,' `' `/ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ SSt they are not ones you'd like to meet in a dark alley! Just another of God's truly awesome creations for this world! If you are like me, you will enjoy this page: Great White Shark! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html -<>- >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ========================================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: Beaker of Cat's Urine ______ (______) | | Instructions on how to Collect a Beaker of Cat's Urine | | | | 1. Treat the beaker like your most prized possession. | | | | 2. Solemnly intone the word "no" every time the cat |`--'| approaches the beaker. | | __.--------.,__ | | 3. After completing steps #1 \ `--------'|_ \ | | and #2, leave the cat alone \ ===| | | | | with the beaker for thirty | ===| | | | | seconds. |._____===|_| | | | | ===|__/ jgs | | jgs | ===| `.__.' `---------' ====================================================================== +------------------- Bizarre Buildings --------------------+ The Ice Hotel at Jukkasjarvi, Swedish Lapland, offers the ultimate in cold comfort - a building constructed out of ice where the average room temperature is minus four degrees centigrade. The beds are made from packed snow topped with spruce boughs and reindeer skins. The hotel melts every April and has to be rebuilt the following winter. Visit Here for pics: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/icehotel.html The six-story Elephant Hotel at Margate, New Jersey, is in the shape of a huge elephant, complete with trunk and tusks. It was built in 1881 by James V. Lafferty as a real- estate promotion. The 65ft-high concrete elephant, named Lucy, was used as a tavern before being converted into a hotel. The reception area is in her hind legs and a stair- case in each leg leads up to the main rooms. The Pineapple Lodge stands in Dunmore Park, Central Scotland. The lower part of the building is an ordinary octagonal tower but from the tops of the columns sprout stone, spiky leaves, transforming it into a 53ft-high pineapple. It was built in 1761 at the request of the Fourth Earl of Dunmore for reasons known only to himself. Sir Thomas Tresham was obsessed with the power of numbers and in 1597 ordered the building of a triangular lodge at Rushton, Northamptonshire, in which everything relates to the number three - a homage to the Trinity. It has three sides, each of which measures 33ft, three gables on each side, three stories and triangular or hexagonal rooms decorated with trefoils or triangles in groups of three. All of the Latin inscriptions have 33 letters. The Crocodile Hotel near Ayers Rock in the heart of the Australian outback is a building complex in the shape of a crocodile. The 'eyes' protrude from the reception area, the rooms run along the 'body' to the 'tail' and the hotel swimming pool is located in the creature's 'alimentary canal.' =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Steve :) >Senior Car Jacking .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ MY CAR! / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one! This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota , Florida ... An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why... For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat! A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. -<-->- >Through The Eyes Of A Child... Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their _._ ///\\ ( . .| \_-_/ /_) `\ little boy, Shane, /_| |_\ \\___// | | | | | |_|_| jgs (__/__) were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up,"I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life-- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long." Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. -<,,>- >Updated Blog... I've added a new post to http://grantsemporium.blogspot.com/ you are welcome to take a peek if you like. Just click on the link or copy and paste it into your browser. Don't forget to click on the pictures if you'd like to see them full size. ---- ...Great Job! Thanks Steve! -<,,>- >An Et-Ahem - Do We Need Some Help --- OR --- A Good Place to send your friends! http://www.ziff.net/404/404.htm -<**>- >A Neat Place to Look around for photos - Northern Exposure: http://www.markhenspeter.com/index.php?showimage=557 -<..>- >Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. ___ .-. / `~'. | \__/ a`a_ | P \ .__u' Please Help! |,.,./ ,_ _/`'`'`b \ `.__.-'` \-._ | '.__ `'-;_ | _.:::'-.__) \ ;_..--'/::::://::\ | / / |::::://::::| jgs \ \ \__) \::://::::/ \__) '://::::' `'-'`` It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on the "Click Here to Give -It's Free" button. This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to onate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to all the people you know. http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 TODAY ---- ...Thanks Steve! I do love this place! At the top of the page you will also see Tabs for "Hunger" "Breast Cancer" "Child Health" "Literacy" "Rain Forest" Be Sure to Click on each and then Click on the Button to freely give to these charities too! VISIT EVERY DAY and Make A Difference! ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bob :) >Tide ___ .' '. o888888o /::' o-\o 88`8888888 |c _\ e^e 88888 \ -/ /_ 888 _.-) --' \=_ / ." < \_/ >\ ) \-. / `-.\.'| \ ,.' || \ | | : | \ //'.__.' | \ | | : | \ / \ , /\ \ I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well that the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people. -<.->- Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited _ mMm _[_]_ /(_)\ (_) //)^(\\//:\\ /(/&@&\)\|~|/ / /-~`~-\ ||| `/ \||| `--------'-'-- about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How! about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "OK. We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry. ----- ...TeeHee - Good Ones - Thanks Bob! ================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: The Catholic priest, a pastor from one of the local churches and the Jewish Rabbi were standing near the top of the hill by the road, in the pouring rain, attempting to pound a hand painted, rough sign into the ground, that read: THE END IS NEAR ! TURN AROUND NOW ! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE ! As one car sped past them, the driver yelled out the open window, "Leave us alone, you crazy religious nuts!" Moments later, from the curve below the hill that went over a bridge that was now no longer there, they heard the sickening sound of screeching tires, silence and a then a big splash. The priest turned to the pastor and rabbi and meekly suggested, "Maybe we should just put up a sign that just says, "THE BRIDGE IS OUT" ___________ ________________________ [[]]-[[]]-[[] -[[]]-[[]]-[[]]-[[]]-[[]] .-.`| `-/-.__/.- '\_.-._`-'_/-._.'|/.-'\- \_.-`./`-._'\__.- `-._\`-._\__.-)`-'._/ `._-'.\_.---._-.\_ _.-`'._.--./`-'._,' __/`.-/ `.'_` ` .\__.-`.' (_.-\_,-. `._-/' |._. |.'`.| `(_.`-._ .-',`) | /`. |`-/`| ;.-'_/ `\,-/ |\.-' |\-'`| ;\_,- -./`._ [[[[[[ [[[[[[[[ .',-' `.`--.~~-^_~-/.`-._`-..^~-_~-^/`-.'-,.'\^~-~_^"'`-.'_ -,.'"-"~^-~_~- - - _- -~^-_.~ - -_ - - -~- . "'"-"-"" ""-'"-""-"~- _~.^-~-^.-^_.- .^~.- ~-. ~^_-""-""-"'-" jgs ""-'"-" ~- ^. - ~ -~^ - ~ ^~- ~ ""-"'-' -<,,>- Q. Why are the awards for outdoor billboards called Obies? A. The annual awards, given by the Outdoor Advertising Association of American Marketing, are named after the ancient obelisks of Egypt, considered by the association to be the precursors to today's outdoor advertising. ==================================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: >From Grassfire: ( . ) ) ( ) . ' . ' . ' . ( , ) (. ) ( ', ) .' ) ( . ) , ( , ) ( . ). , ( . ( ) ( , ') .' ( , ) (_,) . ), ) _) _,') (, ) '. ) ,. (' ) jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thanks for continuing to make FireSociety one of the most vibrant grassroots communities on the web! For example, on a recent day, 15,000 people flooded to FireSociety. Why? Well, perhaps it was to find out if Greenland is melting (click here and go to item #3): http://www.firesociety.com/blog/100/ElliottBlog/#3/?src=111 ..Or maybe they wanted to discuss how our government has become the "Church of Liberalism": http://www.firesociety.com/forum/thread/16417/?src=111 ..Perhaps they wanted to sign a petition to stop Bush's new Executive Order that threatens the property rights of millions of Americans: http://www.firesociety.com/blog/107/16409/?src=111 -<>- >From Lifescript Healthy Advantage: 10 Bad Habits that Could Ruin Your Marriage Do you bite your fingernails? Pick at your hair? While these habits are annoying in nature and unnerving to other people, they aren’t a huge deal in the scheme of life. But there are some bad habits – seemingly small in size – that can ruin your relationships. If you’re married, you probably know what I’m talking about. Find out how to save your marriage from these 10 very common bad habits. Plus: Do you fight fair? Visit Here: http://tinyurl.com/36thkb South-of-the-Border Soup Recipe The creamy taste and texture of pinto beans mingles well with succulent pork tenderloin and angel hair pasta. For those who enjoy variety in their Southwestern cuisine, this recipe is a reminder that there's more to the foods of the U.S.-Mexico border region than tacos and burritos... Visit Here: http://tinyurl.com/375lhy Exercise May Help with Hard-to-Treat Depression NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Regular exercise may improve depression symptoms in people who've failed to get better with antidepressant medication, the results of a small study suggest. The study found that depressed women who started a supervised exercise regimen had significant improvements in their symptoms over the ... http://tinyurl.com/2q835a -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Clumsy Moose takes out telephone servicce --------- OSLO, Norway - Thousands of homes in Norway's Sor-Helgeland district were left without telephone service because a moose ravaged a switching station. The moose destroyed the box containing the switching equipment, cutting tele- communication services in the district, Aftenposten reported Friday. The accident, which occurred earlier in the week, shut down telephone and broadband Internet connections over a wide area. The switching station and all the telephone and broadband connections were reportedly repaired by late Thursday, said telecom company Telenor. Visit Here for Moose Baby pics: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moose.html .-. \\\V/// (0.0) //6 6\\ {=} // = \\ T___.-`~@~`-. Tribe apologizes (3----|' '|\\ | \__.__/// for cannibal ancestors | /=[_]=\/ | / / \ \ | \ \ / / jgs | (___\ /___) RABAUL, Papua New Guinea - Descendants of a tribe in Papua New Guinea have apologized for the killing and eating of four Fijian missionaries in 1878. Fiji's high commissioner in the country, Ratu Isoa Tikoca, accepted the apologies, saying: "We at this juncture are deeply touched and wish you the greatest joy of forgiveness as we finally end this record disagreement." The apology was made at a reconciliation ceremony near Rabaul in front of thousands of people Wednesday, Australia's Melbourne Herald Sun reported. Tolai tribesmen killed and ate a Fijian minister and three teachers, who were under the leadership of the Rev. George Brown of Britain, in 1878, said The (London) Telegraph. - Bullet-proof backpack latest for kids --------- DANVERS, Mass. - New for this U.S. schoolchildren this fall -- stylish yet functional -- it's a backpack with a bulletproof lining. The item is being marketed by MJ Safety Solutions, a company founded by Mike Pelonzi and Joe Curran of Massachusetts. "I'm a parent and so is Joe and we wanted a way of keeping kids safe at school and this is what we came up with," Pelonzi told The Staten Island Advance. The company sells two sizes, one for books and the other for laptop computers. Both have a light metal plate sewn into the back, guaranteed to stop bullets although weighing no more than a bottle of water. The MJ Solutions Web site says there have been 328 school shootings since 1999, with 229 dead and 422 injured. "In almost 97 percent of these documented incidents, MJ Safety Solutions' backpack could have provided the ballistic protection that could have saved lives," the site claims. The makers say the backpacks will also protect against knives and other weapons. ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Betty :) >Something to think about!!! .-""-._ / ___/ \ _&_ _.--""|/ `\| // \\ .' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \ / | _ | \ // / \ \\ | _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\ | .' \____/-._ | .-"-. | / `; /# \ | / / _|_.---\ | | |.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-. / \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="} /--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="} / \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-; | /`| | \ | |||| || | /_ | |_______/ | |||| || | \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._|| | | | | || |> |______| |____________|._ || _..-;| | [___] | `||() || |______ |\/|____________|jgs|| () (__) \__/ (__) () The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into&nb sp; one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it: I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whom-ever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's "dance recital" he continued. "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. "Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part. It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail", he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays." "I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear." "Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight ." "Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. .-"""""-. |'-----'| This morning, I took |'-.....-'| | | the very last marble | | | | out of the container. | | jgs|-.......-| '-.......-' I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time." "It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!" You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast" "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles. A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend. .--, .-. __,,,__/ | / \-'` `-./_ | | `) \ ` `\ ; / , , | | / : O /_ | O .--;__ '. | ( )`. | \ `-` / | \ ,_ _.-./` / \ \``-.( / | `---' /--. ,--\___..__ _.' /--. jgs \ `-._ _`/ ' '. .' ` ' . `` ' . _ And so, as one smart bear once said..."If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh. Pass this on to all of your FRIENDS, even if it means sending it to the person that sent it to you. And if you receive this e-mail many times from many different people, it only means that you have many FRIENDS. And if you get it but once, do not be discouraged for you will know that you have at least one good friend... _ /X \ _------_ / \ | | | | | __ __) | / \/ \ /\/\ (o )o ) /c \__/ --. \_ _-------' And that would be ME. | / \ | | '\_______) | \_____) |_____ | |_____/\/\ / \ unknown ---- ...Sweet! Thanks Betty! -<,,>- The chicken and the egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smiling and smoking a cigarette, .-"-. .' '. / \ : ; | | but the egg is upset. : : \ / `. .' jgs `~~~` She mutters to herself, "Well, I guess we answered that question." ---- ...*Giggles* Ain't it the truth! ================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .--.-. ( ( )__ (_, \ ) ,_) '- \\---' _\\ \\ \ /` |>18>> / | <- While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was. Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants." -<>- My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property. As soon as they were out of sight, and walking towrds the beach, the locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and relocked the car. '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers. The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you." -<>- Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 25-foot putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?" His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had written, "I can make this putt." His pals are still trying to collect on the bet and grandpa is too. "I think I deserve a raise," the man said to his boss. "You know...there are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?" "Well...the electric company, the phone company, and the gas company." -<>- A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!" "Oh my gosh," cries the man. He's in a panic now. "What are you going to do, doctor?" "Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread." "Will that cure me?" asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, "Well no, but ... it's the only food we can get under the door." ============================================================= >-->From The Jokester: @@@ // \\ / \_/ \ / ./_(-.\ ( / \\ )|| @/ // ) TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE!!! / @>@<@/ ( '-.;)@\ \.-' | | | | | | | `'. | `'-. / '-.. | . .. '-.__ jgs |.' .' .'.'__;.--'--.-' `"-----'"` One woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Well, yes, but I married the wrong man." Getting married is very much like going out to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's. Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son. A man once said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." A man took out a classified ad saying "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred responses saying "You can have mine." Some men define marriage as a very expensive way to get your laundry done free. And some learn that the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you know that either the wife is new - or the car is. Husband: "You know, I was a fool when I married you." Wife: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't care!" -<>- ,**, .\/. // \\-. \\_///`\\ jgs '-\\__// '--' >Definitions Of A Bachelor One who avoids Bride-Eyed women. One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit. One who believes in Wine, Women and So-Long. One who can get into bed from either side. One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked. One who can have a girl on his knee without having her on his hands. One who can't be Spouse-Broken. One who cheated some woman out of a divorce. One who is not missing anything in life except a few buttons on his shirt. One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she doesn't get a grip on him. One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall. One who likes his Girl Friend just the way she is...Single! One who never makes the same mistake once. One who never met a girl he couldn't live without. One who when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, he turns Stone-Deaf. One who when he opens the window in his apartment, more dust blows out than in. One who would rather mend his socks than his ways. -<>- >Optimist vs. Pessimist An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. _ _ _ _ _ >(')____, >(')____, >(')____, >(')____, >(') ___, (` =~~/ (` =~~/ (` =~~/ (` =~~/ (` =~~/ jgs~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~ For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim." <--> An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. <==> __,-, ____ ,-' \ \ _( ) \ | / ,' \ \ \ (__ ) --( )-- / \ \ _,==; (___) / | \ / \ \.,="| | \ \ /' | | \ /'--,_o_| `<'_,---|#, pb ' Many People...One Parachute You Are One Of Two People On A Malfunctioning Airplane With Only One Parachute. How Would You React? .---. E ! ! (_____) E \ / E E _\o/_A I E // ( )mrf PESSIMIST: 'you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.' OPTIMIST: 'you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.' PROCRASTINATOR: 'you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.' _________ / \ / _ _ _ \ |/ \ / \ / \| \ | _ | / o `(_}' o \/.X.\/ |_| // \\ \\ // U U nmf BUREAUCRAT: 'you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions. LAWYER: 'you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.' INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE: 'you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet and gold fillings.' ARTIST: 'you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.' /`--,__ ___---=~~ \ `--,__ '--.__ '; '; ; '--.__/ ';; ; ,' ;o ; ,' '-',' | / \ SPORTS FAN: 'you start betting on how long it will take to crash.' AUTO MECHANIC: 'as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.' ____ _ | __\_\_o____/_| <[___\_\_-----< ........................ | o' .. .. . . . . . . . . . )/ _@' o\ SURGEON GENERAL: 'you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.' ===================================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit :) Check out YOUR Birthday or Others No guess on Age produces more results: http://www.birthdatabase.com/query.php -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: SwordSister's w/The Perfect Bowl http://domania.us/SwordSisters/Inspirations7/PerfectBowl.html Marlene's NEVER GROW OLD http://summerhoosier.250free.com/Html/NeverGrowOld.html Lessons of Katrina http://www.jeffhead.com:80/katrinalessons.htm State Fairs http://www.weekendevent.com/statefairs.htm America's Best Colleges http://www.usnews.com/usnews/edu/college/tools/search.php VHS Conversion To DVD's http://vhs-dvd-movies.classes.cnet.com/lesson-1/ If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator." --Bill Lawrence "Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: "Basement?" --Rodney Dangerfield "It's good to be back in New York but the crime situation has gotten bad. When I was getting off the plane I saw the pilot putting the 'club' on the steering wheel." --John Mendoza "In a recent speech, Fidel Castro said the United States can- not successfully compete with Cuba. If you want to hear the speech, it's available in Havana on eight-track tape." -Conan O'Brien "At a recent speech to hundreds of university professors, Bill Gates said it's puzzling why more kids don't want to become computer programmers. Gee, I don't know, you think maybe it's because at some point they'd actually like to have a girlfriend." --Jay Leno "Al Gore's daughter got married last weekend. Al Gore's no fun at wedding receptions. He keeps pointing out how fast the ice sculpture is melting." -Dave Letterman Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. — Anton Chekhov The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. -- George Carlin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Wow Baby :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & SService You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DDARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: a href="http://tinyurl.com/2vrfzv">This Weeks regular Shangy emails ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN Lisst Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES IIN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want orr you'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************