Did You Know And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
You may View the on-line SMILES text Here:
(You may Have to REFRESH your browser)
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
This
Weeks regular Shangy emails
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011
Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click
on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up.
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html
OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
Elrhea Bigham
502 S. Harrison
Van Wert, OH 45891
*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY!
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
We've had a slow year so far as getting Shangrala Angels.
Only our dedicated and trusted friend William Lysak has
stepped up to the plate to help keep Shangrala financially
alive.
_..---.._
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However, I am most Pleased To Announce...
God didn't let us down! He always provides. He just sent us
a text advertiser for the web site. Text links on pages like
our http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
page are kid and family friendly. I especially like this
advertiser as their ads are very helpful to the user and do
not bombard you with flashing sales or rude popup pages.
You can feel confident when clicking on their links.
So Please honor and welcome our new Shangrala Sponsor by
clicking on their links and checking out what they have
to offer. Thank You! :)
-<>-
>3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our First Scorcher is from our friend Sandi. This is a very sweet
story about a man and a wild goose. It has a rather surprising
ending too! Be sure to watch the video, it will delight you with
all sorts of tender ooos and awwws!
___
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Maria The Goose
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html
---
...I loved this! Thanks Sandi!
Our Second Scorcher is from our Our Friend GloriaB. This one
is so darling. Turn up the sound and give it time to load!
(\
\'\
\'\ __________
/ '| ()_________)
\ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \
\ \ ~~~~~~ \
==). \__________\
(__) ()__________)
unknown
Notes To God
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html
---
...Such sweet innocence! Thank You GloriaB!
The third one is our hottest one! It comes from forwards
from both of our friends Sandi AND Linda! Japan's Pandas
are always too cute not to share!
,mMm.,------.,mMm.
(GNP' `?ND)
P dMm. ,mMb ?
( ?X_O O_XP )
( qp ) bdsm
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_____ ,__)
(--|__) _.._ _| _,
_| (_|| |(_|(_|
(
Pandas After The Earthquake!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandae.html
---
...Darling! Thank You so much Ladies!
_...--.
_____......----' .'
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/ /o _.-' LGB .--' .' \ |
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/.' .'
/.'/.'
Also a little note here on Maria the goose. Now when I first
saw her I was thinking that was a he not a she. Especially
when my brother Del was telling about his trio of a gander
with two ducks he has at his lake. They come up and knock on
his door to be fed if he isn't out there. The gander won't
let him near the ducks. It is most possessive and protective
of them. Just like this goose is toward Dominic. So I was not
too surprised at the zoo findings.
============================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone: The Oldest Living Woman
__
|/`.-\ A 104 year-old woman was being interviewed
|\_)'} by a reporter:
|/'-;
|\_\_`,_ "And what do you think is the best thing
|____| \ about being 104?" the reporter asked.
|====|__|
jgs '.,_|____|_,_) She simply replied, "No peer pressure".
================================================================
+------------ Even More Bizarre April Holidays -----------+
April 21 is Kindergarten Day
April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day
April 23 is Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day
April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day
April 25 is National Zucchini Bread Day
April 26 is Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day
April 27 is Tell A Story Day
April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day
April 29 is .National Shrimp Scampi Day
April 30 is National Honesty Day
===============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
________
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>Did you know?
* If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the
right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to
chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
* To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2
million individual flowers
* Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.
* Communications giant Nokia was founded in 1865 as a wood-pulp mill
by Fredrik Idestam.
* Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant
is considered an insult!
* People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport.
* Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but
he declined.
* Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from
gas in their stomachs.
* Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as
mouthwash.
* The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a
night.
* The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was
fashion to shave them off!
* Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is
impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58
seconds.
* The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as
a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.
* There are over 25 million bubbles waiting to burst out of each
bottle of Champagne
* Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros
* It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never
wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
* The heat of peppers is rated on the Scoville scale
* Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the
ground for thousands of years
* Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only
one end
* If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a
human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
* Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-
related diseases.
* When it originally appeared in 1886 - Coca Cola was billed as an
Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage.
* Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
* Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and
newspapers.
* The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in
almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new
year.
* For every real Christmas tree harvested, two to three seedlings are
planted in its place.
* Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61
percent
* Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't
smoke unless it's heated above 450°F
* The Shell Oil Company originally began as a novelty shop in London
that sold seashells
* The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is
not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins
in the ear.
* Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
* The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the
hand of man
* Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower
air density
* Fish and Chip selling officially remained an offensive trade until
1940 due to the smell it produces
* The University of Alaska spans four time zones
* The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
* In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional
proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
* Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are:
Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil) and Mazaru(Speak no
evil).
* Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song
Happy Birthday.
* Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
* A comet's tail always points away from the sun
* The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the
disease it was intended to prevent
* Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that
is why it is found in some medicines.
* The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times,
when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.
* If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up,
you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
* When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense
lost is sight
* Trivia in Roman mythology was the goddess who haunted crossroads,
graveyards and was the goddess of sorcery and witchcraft. She
wandered about at night, and was seen only by the barking of dogs who
told of her approach.
* In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were
unarmed
* Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside
* Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per
hundred grams
* It cost the soft drink industry $100 million a year for thefts
committed involving vending machines
* The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year
* The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust
* Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher
than 15,000 meters
* Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have
the buttons on the left
* Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy
* Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they
could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the
bridge down
* The painting that won second place in a competition held by the US
National Academy of Design was hanging upside down when it was judged
* Everything weighs one percent less at the equator
* For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess
fuel are needed at lift-off
* The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the
elements.
---
...Wowsers! Thanks Sandi!
I'm not sure if these are all true or not, But I looked up one
I thought for sure was NOT true - this one - Ancient Roman, Chinese
and German societies often used urine as mouthwash. I thought that
to be rather far fetched. But it was true - didn't have time to be
checking all of them, but I really wonder about the banana one! :)
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
(_() \
\__/ || \ \__/
(oo) /) (oo)
//~~\\// //~~\\
\\__/\/ _____\\__//_____
|/\| | |
_____ |||| ___| |______
______(_)(_)___|________________|____jro
>AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES [for Blondes!]
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER
DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE
ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT -
USE THE SINK.
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED
FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER
TO USE A TIMER.
5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - Q20 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE Q20. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE
DUCT TAPE.
8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL
PROBLEM.
---
...LOL! Loved this! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
.--. .--.
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==='
>Hello Friend
Each day seems too short for
all of the things I want to do
and all the friends I want to
See and spend some time with
so before this day slips away
I wanted to take the time to say
H i ! I am thinking of you today.
I pray that God will keep you in His
care, shower you with blessings and
envelope you in His love.
---
...Awww, right back at you Linda! Thanks!
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend James :)
Independence Day Quiz
http://www.independencedayquiz.com/quizzes.php
-<>-
The meek shall inherit the earth...
&&&
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&&&&. &&& .&&&&&
&& &&& &&&&&&&&&
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~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
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BP
It's mine...It's all mine...!
---
...HaHa! Quit It Daffy! Thanks James!
==================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[POLITICS}
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Those darn Israelis are at it, again!!!
ISRAEL'S IDF MEDICAL CLINIC STARTS WORK
IN TSUNAMI-STRICKEN MIYAGI PREFECTURE OF JAPAN
? CNN: "Israel is first to set up Surgical Unit in Japan"
? The Israeli clinic includes orthopedics, surgical and
intensive care units as well as a delivery room and pharmacy.
? The delegation includes 50 doctors.
? They brought with them:
1. 32 tons of equipment
2. 18 tons of humanitarian aid---10,000 coats, 6,000 gloves and 150
portable toilets
?With all their billions of "petro-dollars", where is the humanitarian
relief from the Arab countries?
You are welcome to share this with everyone you know in the world.
---
...Why Thank You PatDeE - I think I Will! :)
-<>-
>From Vision America News:
Donald Trump Scores an Important Victory AND More
http://tinyurl.com/3j8v6no
-<>-
>From The Tea Party:
Betrayal Looms On Debt Vote: Help us stop them Now!
http://tinyurl.com/3sx4fam
Tea Party Events; Poll results; Facebook visitors speak out
http://tinyurl.com/3nvd8pb
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
I was going to write about a group of students at a Massachusetts prep
school who have broken a world record by folding a 13,000-foot length
of toilet paper in half 13 times...and while that is news worthy, I
stumbled across a much more science fictiony article.
Researchers at Washington University have demonstrated that humans can
control a cursor on a computer screen using words spoken in their head.
In other words, Daily Tips Special For You
By directly connecting the patient's brain to a computer, the
researchers showed that the computer could be controlled with up to 90
percent accuracy even when no prior training was given to the
subjects.
How is this miracle of science achieved? With a technique called
electrocortiography — which involves placing electrodes directly onto a
patient's brain to record electrical activity.
If this doesn't sound like The Matrix to you yet, keep reading.
In the future researchers hope to permanently insert implants into a
patient's brain to help restore functionality and, even more
impressively, read someone's mind.
Dr. Eric Leuthardt of Washington University School of Medicine said,
"This is one of the earliest examples of what is called 'reading minds'
— detecting what people are saying to themselves in their internal
dialogue."
And all you have to do is insert some wires into your brain. The
government should be mandating it in about ten years.
-- Father fined for tattooing toddler ---------
ROME, Ga. - A Georgia man who pleaded guilty to tattooing his
2-year-old son has been fined $300 and sentenced to a year's probation.
Eugene Ashley, 26, was arrested in 2009 after the Department of Family
and Children Services made a home visit and saw the letters "DB"
tattooed on the toddler's shoulder, the Rome (Ga.) News-Tribune
reported Tuesday. When arrested, Ashley told police "DB" stood for
"Daddy's Boy." The boy was three at the time, but District Attorney
Leigh Patterson said the tattooing had occurred a year earlier. In
Georgia it is illegal to tattoo a child younger than 18. Patterson
called the crime egregious but said it would have been impossible to go
to a jury with the case because of the victim's age. "I don't know if
we would be able to elicit a testimony from a child," Patterson said.
-- Ohio man charged for barking at police dog -----
MASON, Ohio - Police in Ohio said a man was charged with a misdemeanor
count of teasing a police dog after he was spotted making barking
sounds at the canine. Mason Police said Officer Bradley Walker was
investigating a car crash outside the Mason Pub at about 2:30 a.m.
Sunday when he heard the police dog in the back seat of his car
"barking uncontrollably" in response to Ryan Stephens, 25, "making
barking noises" and "hissing" at the animal, The Cincinnati Enquirer
reported Wednesday. Walker said Stephens began to walk away from the
scene and ignored commands to stop. He said he caught up with the
suspect and asked him why he was harassing the canine. "The dog started
it," Stephens allegedly replied. Stephens, who Walker said appeared
"highly intoxicated," was released to a bar employee who promised to
drive him home. He was ordered to appear in court April 21 to face a
charge of teasing a police dog.
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
____
\ \
_\___\_
/ " _)
((\__-_\
/ \\
/__| /\\
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| /,_/
|/|\ |__
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>The perfect guy Frank Feldman
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets
into the taxi.
Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like
that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have
won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He could hit
a baseball a mile. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a
Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an
amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and
which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I
change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he
could do everything right.'
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck. But Frank, he
never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make
her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the
wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished
too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could
ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his
frickin' wife.'
---
...LOL! Thanks Johanna!
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
___
/ \
_\___/_
'->---<-'
( ^ ^ )
\ # /
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/ \/'\/ \
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\__`___( )___/__/ \7
>The Christian Way of Changing a Light Bulb!
(From the Lighter Side of Theology)
CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of
darkness.
Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None - Candles only.
Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the
change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to
talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the
need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found
that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday
service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions,
including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all
of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are
loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a
bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish
to pass.
Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting
policy.
Lutherans : None
Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish :
What's a light bulb?
---
...HaHa! Sure to offend everyone! Thanks PatDeE!
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
_|_
____|____
#%@@ /~~~~.~~~~\ @@%#
@%%#%%, /~~~~/ \~~~~\ ,%%#%%@
%%@@%%@%/~~~~/ : \~~~~\%@%%@@%%
`@%%%@#@/____/ (X) \____\@%%%@#@`
@@\@%%@`|.`.| ___ |.`.|`@%%@/@@
`#%/@ |:x:|| .||:x:| @\%#`
|| |:x:|| ||:x:| ||
-_|| _-|:x:||~ .||:x:|-_ ||_-
!-!-!-!-!-|___||___||___|-!-!-!-!-!lc
>Let A Man
* Let a man go to a psychiatrist and what does he become?
An adjusted sinner.
* Let a man go to a physician and what does he become?
A healthy sinner.
* Let a man achieve wealth and what does he become?
A wealthy sinner.
* Let a man join a church, sign a card, and turn over a new leaf and
what does he become?
A religious sinner.
BUT Let him go in sincere repentance and faith to the foot of Calvary's
cross, and what does he become?
A new creature in Jesus Christ, forgiven, reconciled, with meaning and
purpose in his life and on the way to marvelous fulfillment in God's
will.
- Unknown
---
...Very well said! Thank You Johanna!
====================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome
of the Insurance policy with the man at the Insurance Agency.
During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life
insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What
will I get?"
The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably 20 to
life."
-<>-
...
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\_//((\_/
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(/ ))
((
valkyrie \)
When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine's Day,
my daughter's friend quickly opened the card. All it said
was "No." What did that mean?
She called her husband, who said, "I didn't attach any
message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said,
'No.'"
-<>-
When the icemaker in our new refrigerator broke, my husband
dropped by the store to arrange for repairs. Because the
sun was bright, my husband's eyes hadn't adjusted to the
dim light inside in time to see a woman sitting on the floor
examining carpet samples.
He stepped on her leg and she screamed, causing him to jump
into a display of fireplace tools that went crashing in
every direction. Unnerved, my husband stumbled over to
the service desk, and as he went to rest his hands on the
counter, he flipped over a bowl full of little mints,
scattering them everywhere.
After taking a deep breath to calm himself, he announced to
the wide-eyed woman working there, "My refrigerator doesn't
work."
"I don't doubt it," she replied.
-<>-
Irving goes into a restaurant and orders potato latkes. When
they come, he complains that they do not look good and he
changes his order to blintzes. After he eats the blintzes,
he stands up and starts to leave the restaurant.
"Wait a second," the manager shouts after him. "You have not
paid for your blintzes."
"What are you talking about?" Irving says. "Those blintzes
were an even exchange. I gave you the potato latkes for them."
"Yes," says the manager, "but you did not pay for the latkes
either."
"Why should I pay for them?" asks Irving. "I didn't eat them."
-<>-
. . . . .
) \ ( ( /
/ ' ) ) \
( './ / ._.)
\ '.-.' \
(\ /' _)
'( . -_.'
| | |
||| --------.
_____|||_____ '.
/ \ |
| | |
\ ___________/ ._|
/ \ / '
| |--'
\ ____________/
/ \
| |
\ ___________/
/ \
| |
\ ___________/
|||
|||
|| Julus
|
There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers
for no reason. And then there's me. One day I couldn't stand
it any longer. "Why don't you ever bring me flowers?" I asked.
"What's the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a
week."
"So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you
around."
-<>-
"'That's a great place to work!" shouted my 16-year-old
brother after coming home from the first day at his first
job. "I get two weeks' paid vacation."
"I'm so glad," said my mother.
"Yeah," added John. "I can't wait to find out where they
send me."
-<>-
.__ _..._
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/|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\
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\__|_,'
One of our projects at military leadership school called for
us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our
instructor. A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the
benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded
off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on
your feet.
"Good job," said our instructor when he finished. "Only one
thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not
liquor."
-<>-
The first day at my new health club I asked the girl at the
front desk, "I like to exercise after work. What are your
hours?"
"Our club is open 24/7," she told me excitedly, "Monday
through Saturday."
=================================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
You might think In fact, An Really, this
it's difficult, the size odd whole idea
or that there's you pick idea is a bit
magic involved, for your I had silly,
but actually it lines is was to even
turns out to be not very write a if
incredibly easy crucial; sentence it
to make all the they can such that gets
lines the exact be short the length people
same length, as or long. of each one to think
anybody can see It turns of the lines you have a
after trying to out that is just a bit rare talent.
do it one time. the long different from
And all without ones are the length of
using a hyphen! easiest. the one that
came before
it, as you
see here;
however,
I can't
David H. Zobel really
say a
lot,
can
I?
>New Word Definitions
**ARBITRATOR:
A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
**AVOIDABLE:
What a bullfighter tries to do.
**BALONEY:
Where some hemlines fall.
**BURGLARIZE:
What a crook sees with.
**CONTROL:
A short, ugly inmate.
**ECLIPSE:
What an English barber does for a living.
**EYEDROPPER:
A clumsy ophthalmologist.
**HEROES:
What a guy in a boat does.
**LEFT BANK:
What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
**MISTY:
How golfers create divots.
**PARADOX:
Two physicians.
**PARASITES:
What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
**PHARMACIST:
A helper on the farm.
**POLARIZE:
What penguins and white bears see with.
**PRIMATE:
Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
**RELIEF:
What trees do in the spring.
**RUBBERNECK:
What you do to relax your wife.
**SELFISH:
What the owner of a seafood store does.
**SUBDUED:
A guy, that works on one of those submarines.
-<>-
The response :
I really liked the word pictures If you wish
that I saw while reading to make your word
netnews at my office the pictures look as good
other day, and it seemed as ours, you might need
like a really great concept, and to put some effort into
well worth taking the time it. It will come only
to come up with a few more after you think a
variations. These are some good one is
of the ideas that wouldn't not possible. But
let me rest until I chose to put if you do keep at it,
them down. Really, the persistence will reward
type of variation that you. It takes a careful
THIS form allows could eye for words and an
stagger the mind. Perhaps, if we impressive flair
wanted to, we could write for design
messages as a solid block to arrange words
of writing in which words in this manner. They
can also be read in the spacing! that try and fail, find
that they are still far
the wiser from having
Poetry doesn't really work made the attempt.
in this form, as it forces
changes in word-order that
can destroy rhythm, as in:
If I hadn't been delivered
by Caesarian, I bet that I
really wouldn't be such an
antidisestablishmentarian!
Then again, maybe I'm just
trying a little too hard.
I bet somebody out there
can write a decent poem
with a natural sort of
justification, but it
may not quite belong
in this newsgroup.
--Mr. Templeton?
>Short Takes... Only In America:
* When Columbus came to America, there were
no taxes, no debts, and no pollution. The
women did all the work while the men hunted
or fished all day. Ever since then, a bunch
of idiotic do-gooders have been trying to
"improve" the place.
======================
* New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was
mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt,
he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger
said dumbfounded, "A Check? Why would I take
a check from you? I don't even know you!"
======================
* Because of budgetary constraints, the City
of Baltimore in Maryland has stopped the tradition
of giving people a "Key to the City." These
days, they just send a guy over and he shows
ya how to pick the lock.
========================
* California is said to have over a hundred thousand
palms. The way I see it though, about 16 or so
of them are trees, the rest seem to be maitre d's,
parking lot attendants, waiters, bell boys, doormen...
=======================
*It was mealtime during a flight on a small airline in the
Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked
the man seated in the front of me. "What are my choices?" he
asked. "Yes or no," she replied.
=======================
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read,
I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
========================
Six months after her husband who was a waiter died, his widow went
to see a psychic, who promised she would contact the dead man.
During the seance, the widow was sure she saw her husband standing
in the corner, dressed in his waiter's outfit.
"Honey!" she cried. "Come closer and speak to me!"
A hoarse voice from the corner wailed, "I can't. It's not my table."
=======================
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
=======================
Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to
give you guys so much money, for expensive laboratory
equipment. Why couldn't you be like the math department?
All they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper
baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department.
All they need are pencils and paper."
========================
Not A Fair Swap:
Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed
in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to
this, there's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to
swap his wife for a season tickets."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not bothering to look away.
Sarah said teasingly, "Would you swap me for season tickets?"
"Absolutely not," he said, "season's more than half over."
-<>-
>Two Parking Signs
#1. Someone mad enough at violators using the Disabled
Only parking spaces taped this over the sign, anyone
receiving this punishment would have a tough time
walking......
Parking is for Disabled patrons only.
Violators will have their thighs Superglued together .
#2. In Chicago there is a Veterinary Medicine Clinic that
specializes in cats. Surprisingly, it's called The
Chicago Cat Clinic. In their parking lot is a sign that
reads,
" PARKING FOR CHICAGO CAT CLINIC ONLY
VIOLATORS WILL BE DE-CLAWED
AND NEUTERED ! "
-<>-
>The Texas Cowboy and The Preacher:
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw
that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The
preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and
preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my
cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours.
The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy
how he had liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if
I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure
wouldn't feed him ALL the hay."
-<>-
>The 6 Million Dollar Deal At The 6 Dollar Motel:
One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call.
The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring
until 6:30.
"Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your
wake-up call."
Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it.
"You were supposed to call me at 6!... I complained. "What if I
had a six million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your
oversight made me miss out on it?"
"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a six
million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in this six
dollar motel!"
-<>-
>Mom, How To Get A rest
Esther Cohen had three very active boys. One summer evening she was
playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys
"shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to the
ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to
see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened
one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the
only chance I've had to rest all day"
-<>-
The top ten ways the Bible would have been different if it
had been written by college students:
10. The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning...cold.
9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and
written in a large font.
8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria
food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to
abuse@romans.gov.
5. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
4. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
3. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
2. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years:
They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the
seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and
then pulled an all-nighter.
-<>-
>You're Talking To Who???
A prominent surgeon, who was a member of operating teams at
both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in the Chicago
area, would operate in the morning, then field calls about
his patients in the evening.
One night, a few dinner guests were quite shocked as the good
doctor was on the phone talking to a resident at Christ
Hospital, when the other phone rang.
His wife answered, then whispered to her husband, "It's St.
Francis calling."
He whispered back, "Tell St. Francis I'll have to call back.
I'm talking to Christ."
-<>-
---------------------------------------------------------------------.
| .-- FEDERAL REVERSE NOTE .-- |
| |_ ...... THE UNTIED STATES OF AMERICA |_ |
| __) `````````` ______ B93810455B __) |
| 2 ___ / \ 2 |
| /|~\\ / _-\\ \ __ _ _ _ __ |
| | |-< | | // \ | |_ | | | |_ |
| \|_// | |- o o| | | | `.' |__ |
| ~~~ | |\ b.' | |
| B83910455B | \ '~~| | |
| .-- 2 \_/ ```__/ .... 2 .-- |
| |_ ///// ///// //// \__\'`\/ `` //// / //// |_ |
| __) F I V E D O L L A R S __) |
`--------------------------------------------------------------------'
(graphic artist unknown)
>Money Isn't Everything
**Money can buy medicine, but not health.
**Money can buy a clock, but not time.
**Money can buy books, but not knowledge.
**...You see, money is not everything.
**Therefore, if you have too much, please give some to me.
---
...Ditto! :)
==============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Why God Gave Us Pets!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html
Easter Animations
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html
Driftwood Horses!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horses.html
Word/Phrase Origins
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html
Extreme US Spas
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html
Humorous Ads
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html
Mexican Lion
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lion.html
Signs Of A Bad Day
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/badday.html
World's Fastest Cars
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Anonymous Search Engine
http://tinyurl.com/bxq256
Electric Cars for All! (No, Really This Time)
http://tinyurl.com/59rw6r
Movie Art
http://tinyurl.com/denntu
Free Anti-Virus
http://tinyurl.com/kshl
---
...Cool! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Nextel Dance Party
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjpopo.htm
No Fear
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjoppo.htm
Bad Luck
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fasd.htm
Boogie Woogie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fsdjlk.htm
Ford Police Chase
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfds.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
================================================================
>-->Quotes And Thunkers:
"It's bad in Mexico. They're not allowing anyone to go to
the soccer games. They're playing them, just no fans are
in the stands. Just like soccer here in the United States."
-David Letterman
"I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page
records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but
man's failure." --Chief Justice Earl Warren
"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-
comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather
engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects
in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey
"It's the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he
doesn't know -- and the less a man knows, the more sure he
is that he knows everything." --Joyce Cary
"'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' is returning to prime time.
Due to the recession, it's been renamed 'Who Wants Five Bucks
and a Taco.'" -Craig Ferguson
In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze
artist, as I was always being suspended.
-- Emo Philips
You can do anything in this world if you are prepared to take the
consequences.
-- W. Somerset Maugham
What you think of me is none of my business.
-- Terry Cole-Whittaker
You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny Youngman
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to
suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
--Benjamin Franklin
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-- Elaine Boosler
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman
"For sale," read the ad in our hospital's weekly newsletter,
"sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn
once, by mistake."
When hiring new staff at the public library, I always ask
applicants what sort of supervision they'd be most com-
fortable with. One genius answered, "I've always thought
Superman's X-ray vision would be cool."
My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening
up in her neighborhood. "How convenient," she said. "I can
walk to it!"
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 CChristian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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