Did You Know And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ You may View the on-line SMILES text Here: (You may Have to REFRESH your browser) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html This Weeks regular Shangy emails ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) We've had a slow year so far as getting Shangrala Angels. Only our dedicated and trusted friend William Lysak has stepped up to the plate to help keep Shangrala financially alive. _..---.._ .' .-'''-. '. / .' _..._'. \ __ : : /`;' ) : : _,="`\ ,--''` ``'.; : |; ,-; : ; __..==""==.,_| `-, `; .\; / ^\ _,.="// '-,_.--._ '.(;_.'__/`_.-'`\ ,.--''`` _..=. `'--.// `` \ `--, '` `- |_\ '-. | `-._ _.;--`-..___,.-'` `'-...-_:',;`==,| \ _.--',=" / /"=;="=, _.' ,=".-'` .' /| ,=" _.--' .-' "=, : .' | ", `;._ .--'.' .-' .' . ; ,;;\_ . '._.'--'` -' / ,;;;._ '-._ .''.__.' `\_ .' '._ / '._ .(` jgs '._ ';./ `;` However, I am most Pleased To Announce... God didn't let us down! He always provides. He just sent us a text advertiser for the web site. Text links on pages like our http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html page are kid and family friendly. I especially like this advertiser as their ads are very helpful to the user and do not bombard you with flashing sales or rude popup pages. You can feel confident when clicking on their links. So Please honor and welcome our new Shangrala Sponsor by clicking on their links and checking out what they have to offer. Thank You! :) -<>- >3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our First Scorcher is from our friend Sandi. This is a very sweet story about a man and a wild goose. It has a rather surprising ending too! Be sure to watch the video, it will delight you with all sorts of tender ooos and awwws! ___ ,-"" `. ,' _ e )`-._ / ,' `-._<.===-' / / / ; _ / ; (`._ _.-"" ""--..__,' | <_ `-"" \ <`- : (__ <__. ; `-. '-.__. _.' / \ `-.__,-' _,' `._ , /__,-' ""._\__,'< <____ | | `----.`. | | \ `. ; |___ \-`` \ --< `.`.< hjw `-' Maria The Goose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html --- ...I loved this! Thanks Sandi! Our Second Scorcher is from our Our Friend GloriaB. This one is so darling. Turn up the sound and give it time to load! (\ \'\ \'\ __________ / '| ()_________) \ '/ \ ~~~~~~~~ \ \ \ ~~~~~~ \ ==). \__________\ (__) ()__________) unknown Notes To God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html --- ...Such sweet innocence! Thank You GloriaB! The third one is our hottest one! It comes from forwards from both of our friends Sandi AND Linda! Japan's Pandas are always too cute not to share! ,mMm.,------.,mMm. (GNP' `?ND) P dMm. ,mMb ? ( ?X_O O_XP ) ( qp ) bdsm \ `--'`--' / _____ ,__) (--|__) _.._ _| _, _| (_|| |(_|(_| ( Pandas After The Earthquake! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandae.html --- ...Darling! Thank You so much Ladies! _...--. _____......----' .' _..-'' .' .' ./ _.--._.' .' | .-' .-.' / .' _.-. . \ ' .' .' .' _ .-. / `./ : .' .' .' .--' `. | \ |`. | .' _.' .' .' `.' `-' \ / |.' .' _.' .-' .' `-. ` .' .' .' .' `-.._ _ _ _ .-. : / /o _.-' LGB .--' .' \ | .'-.__..-' /.. .` / .' .' . ' /.'/.' / | `---' _.' ' /.' .' /.'/.' Also a little note here on Maria the goose. Now when I first saw her I was thinking that was a he not a she. Especially when my brother Del was telling about his trio of a gander with two ducks he has at his lake. They come up and knock on his door to be fed if he isn't out there. The gander won't let him near the ducks. It is most possessive and protective of them. Just like this goose is toward Dominic. So I was not too surprised at the zoo findings. ============================================================ >-->From The FunnyBone: The Oldest Living Woman __ |/`.-\ A 104 year-old woman was being interviewed |\_)'} by a reporter: |/'-; |\_\_`,_ "And what do you think is the best thing |____| \ about being 104?" the reporter asked. |====|__| jgs '.,_|____|_,_) She simply replied, "No peer pressure". ================================================================ +------------ Even More Bizarre April Holidays -----------+ April 21 is Kindergarten Day April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day April 23 is Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day April 25 is National Zucchini Bread Day April 26 is Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day April 27 is Tell A Story Day April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day April 29 is .National Shrimp Scampi Day April 30 is National Honesty Day =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >Did you know? * If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth. * To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers * Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'. * Communications giant Nokia was founded in 1865 as a wood-pulp mill by Fredrik Idestam. * Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult! * People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport. * Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined. * Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs. * Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash. * The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night. * The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off! * Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds. * The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband. * There are over 25 million bubbles waiting to burst out of each bottle of Champagne * Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros * It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times! * The heat of peppers is rated on the Scoville scale * Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years * Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end * If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off. * Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco- related diseases. * When it originally appeared in 1886 - Coca Cola was billed as an Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage. * Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals * Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers. * The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. * For every real Christmas tree harvested, two to three seedlings are planted in its place. * Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent * Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450°F * The Shell Oil Company originally began as a novelty shop in London that sold seashells * The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear. * Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean * The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man * Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density * Fish and Chip selling officially remained an offensive trade until 1940 due to the smell it produces * The University of Alaska spans four time zones * The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself. * In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted. * Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil) and Mazaru(Speak no evil). * Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday. * Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. * A comet's tail always points away from the sun * The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent * Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines. * The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity. * If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. * When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight * Trivia in Roman mythology was the goddess who haunted crossroads, graveyards and was the goddess of sorcery and witchcraft. She wandered about at night, and was seen only by the barking of dogs who told of her approach. * In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed * Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside * Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams * It cost the soft drink industry $100 million a year for thefts committed involving vending machines * The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year * The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust * Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters * Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left * Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy * Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down * The painting that won second place in a competition held by the US National Academy of Design was hanging upside down when it was judged * Everything weighs one percent less at the equator * For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off * The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Sandi! I'm not sure if these are all true or not, But I looked up one I thought for sure was NOT true - this one - Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash. I thought that to be rather far fetched. But it was true - didn't have time to be checking all of them, but I really wonder about the banana one! :) ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) (_() \ \__/ || \ \__/ (oo) /) (oo) //~~\\// //~~\\ \\__/\/ _____\\__//_____ |/\| | | _____ |||| ___| |______ ______(_)(_)___|________________|____jro >AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES [for Blondes!] 1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF. 2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP. 3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK. 4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER. 5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON. 6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH. 7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - Q20 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE Q20. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE. 8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM. 9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM. --- ...LOL! Loved this! Thanks Linda! -<>- .--. .--. / ' .\ |'. ( .-. \ \ . ` /\. /`. / ) ( `.' .' '--'` (\ \.' .' ) \`. \ _/ _..--' `. \ /`'<_/ : )"'``..`-3 : :. `"'. ) / |-.'' (_.-._ | / ( .'`--..J ' |-'( |_| | : >` '. .'' : | Y | < | : > ' \ `_ : '` \ / :- ' || : / ./: | \ .'J /_ ) : | '% | a:f /.-.`). : I | / ( \ ) : .^) `-' `..-' (`"' / ===' >Hello Friend Each day seems too short for all of the things I want to do and all the friends I want to See and spend some time with so before this day slips away I wanted to take the time to say H i ! I am thinking of you today. I pray that God will keep you in His care, shower you with blessings and envelope you in His love. --- ...Awww, right back at you Linda! Thanks! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend James :) Independence Day Quiz http://www.independencedayquiz.com/quizzes.php -<>- The meek shall inherit the earth... &&& && && &&&&. &&& .&&&&& && &&& &&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&& & &` && && .&&&&& &&&; &8 .&&&: && &` & && 8&& & `& && && .&_ oO_&.-.-. && ( __ -/--' &&~ .'-__-'& &&&~`'\`& &&&~` _& &&&&` && &&8&&&& &&&&&&& & &&&&&&& &&;&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& ~~~ .~~~~~ `&&&&&&&&& ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~;!&&&&&&&&&&~/~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ BP It's mine...It's all mine...! --- ...HaHa! Quit It Daffy! Thanks James! ================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS} >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Those darn Israelis are at it, again!!! ISRAEL'S IDF MEDICAL CLINIC STARTS WORK IN TSUNAMI-STRICKEN MIYAGI PREFECTURE OF JAPAN ? CNN: "Israel is first to set up Surgical Unit in Japan" ? The Israeli clinic includes orthopedics, surgical and intensive care units as well as a delivery room and pharmacy. ? The delegation includes 50 doctors. ? They brought with them: 1. 32 tons of equipment 2. 18 tons of humanitarian aid---10,000 coats, 6,000 gloves and 150 portable toilets ?With all their billions of "petro-dollars", where is the humanitarian relief from the Arab countries? You are welcome to share this with everyone you know in the world. --- ...Why Thank You PatDeE - I think I Will! :) -<>- >From Vision America News: Donald Trump Scores an Important Victory AND More http://tinyurl.com/3j8v6no -<>- >From The Tea Party: Betrayal Looms On Debt Vote: Help us stop them Now! http://tinyurl.com/3sx4fam Tea Party Events; Poll results; Facebook visitors speak out http://tinyurl.com/3nvd8pb -<>- >From BizarreNews: I was going to write about a group of students at a Massachusetts prep school who have broken a world record by folding a 13,000-foot length of toilet paper in half 13 times...and while that is news worthy, I stumbled across a much more science fictiony article. Researchers at Washington University have demonstrated that humans can control a cursor on a computer screen using words spoken in their head. In other words, Daily Tips Special For You By directly connecting the patient's brain to a computer, the researchers showed that the computer could be controlled with up to 90 percent accuracy even when no prior training was given to the subjects. How is this miracle of science achieved? With a technique called electrocortiography — which involves placing electrodes directly onto a patient's brain to record electrical activity. If this doesn't sound like The Matrix to you yet, keep reading. In the future researchers hope to permanently insert implants into a patient's brain to help restore functionality and, even more impressively, read someone's mind. Dr. Eric Leuthardt of Washington University School of Medicine said, "This is one of the earliest examples of what is called 'reading minds' — detecting what people are saying to themselves in their internal dialogue." And all you have to do is insert some wires into your brain. The government should be mandating it in about ten years. -- Father fined for tattooing toddler --------- ROME, Ga. - A Georgia man who pleaded guilty to tattooing his 2-year-old son has been fined $300 and sentenced to a year's probation. Eugene Ashley, 26, was arrested in 2009 after the Department of Family and Children Services made a home visit and saw the letters "DB" tattooed on the toddler's shoulder, the Rome (Ga.) News-Tribune reported Tuesday. When arrested, Ashley told police "DB" stood for "Daddy's Boy." The boy was three at the time, but District Attorney Leigh Patterson said the tattooing had occurred a year earlier. In Georgia it is illegal to tattoo a child younger than 18. Patterson called the crime egregious but said it would have been impossible to go to a jury with the case because of the victim's age. "I don't know if we would be able to elicit a testimony from a child," Patterson said. -- Ohio man charged for barking at police dog ----- MASON, Ohio - Police in Ohio said a man was charged with a misdemeanor count of teasing a police dog after he was spotted making barking sounds at the canine. Mason Police said Officer Bradley Walker was investigating a car crash outside the Mason Pub at about 2:30 a.m. Sunday when he heard the police dog in the back seat of his car "barking uncontrollably" in response to Ryan Stephens, 25, "making barking noises" and "hissing" at the animal, The Cincinnati Enquirer reported Wednesday. Walker said Stephens began to walk away from the scene and ignored commands to stop. He said he caught up with the suspect and asked him why he was harassing the canine. "The dog started it," Stephens allegedly replied. Stephens, who Walker said appeared "highly intoxicated," was released to a bar employee who promised to drive him home. He was ordered to appear in court April 21 to face a charge of teasing a police dog. ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) ____ \ \ _\___\_ / " _) ((\__-_\ / \\ /__| /\\ UUU / / | /,_/ |/|\ |__ /__\____\ gnv >The perfect guy Frank Feldman A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi. Cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank. Passenger: 'Who?' Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.' Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.' Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He could hit a baseball a mile. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.' Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.' Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.' Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.' Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?' Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his frickin' wife.' --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) ___ / \ _\___/_ '->---<-' ( ^ ^ ) \ # / __/'-'\__ / \/'\/ \ / _/ >o \ / > (_o_ <\ \ \_/\_/ | \__\\ \ _ \_/ / \ \_\(_ mb / \ ) \__/ a:f \ / / \\ mic > \ \ \\ __ _/ / \ __ \\ ( \\_____\_____// ) \\ \__`___( )___/__/ \7 >The Christian Way of Changing a Light Bulb! (From the Lighter Side of Theology) CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatic : Only 1 Hands are already in the air. Pentecostal : 10 One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians : None Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. Baptists : At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken. Episcopalians: 3 One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was. Mormons : 5 One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. Methodists : Undetermined Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass. Nazarene : 6 One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans : None Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish : What's a light bulb? --- ...HaHa! Sure to offend everyone! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) _|_ ____|____ #%@@ /~~~~.~~~~\ @@%# @%%#%%, /~~~~/ \~~~~\ ,%%#%%@ %%@@%%@%/~~~~/ : \~~~~\%@%%@@%% `@%%%@#@/____/ (X) \____\@%%%@#@` @@\@%%@`|.`.| ___ |.`.|`@%%@/@@ `#%/@ |:x:|| .||:x:| @\%#` || |:x:|| ||:x:| || -_|| _-|:x:||~ .||:x:|-_ ||_- !-!-!-!-!-|___||___||___|-!-!-!-!-!lc >Let A Man * Let a man go to a psychiatrist and what does he become? An adjusted sinner. * Let a man go to a physician and what does he become? A healthy sinner. * Let a man achieve wealth and what does he become? A wealthy sinner. * Let a man join a church, sign a card, and turn over a new leaf and what does he become? A religious sinner. BUT Let him go in sincere repentance and faith to the foot of Calvary's cross, and what does he become? A new creature in Jesus Christ, forgiven, reconciled, with meaning and purpose in his life and on the way to marvelous fulfillment in God's will. - Unknown --- ...Very well said! Thank You Johanna! ==================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the Insurance policy with the man at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?" The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably 20 to life." -<>- ... {@} * {@} {@} * {@} * {@} : * {@} * {@} * .; {@} * {@} * {@} * {@} * ; * ; {@} * ; * : ;\ \ \ \| / / /; \\ \ Y/ / / `_\ |/ _' / \\Y// \ ( ,-}={-, ) \_//((\_/ //))(\ (/ )) (( valkyrie \) When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine's Day, my daughter's friend quickly opened the card. All it said was "No." What did that mean? She called her husband, who said, "I didn't attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, 'No.'" -<>- When the icemaker in our new refrigerator broke, my husband dropped by the store to arrange for repairs. Because the sun was bright, my husband's eyes hadn't adjusted to the dim light inside in time to see a woman sitting on the floor examining carpet samples. He stepped on her leg and she screamed, causing him to jump into a display of fireplace tools that went crashing in every direction. Unnerved, my husband stumbled over to the service desk, and as he went to rest his hands on the counter, he flipped over a bowl full of little mints, scattering them everywhere. After taking a deep breath to calm himself, he announced to the wide-eyed woman working there, "My refrigerator doesn't work." "I don't doubt it," she replied. -<>- Irving goes into a restaurant and orders potato latkes. When they come, he complains that they do not look good and he changes his order to blintzes. After he eats the blintzes, he stands up and starts to leave the restaurant. "Wait a second," the manager shouts after him. "You have not paid for your blintzes." "What are you talking about?" Irving says. "Those blintzes were an even exchange. I gave you the potato latkes for them." "Yes," says the manager, "but you did not pay for the latkes either." "Why should I pay for them?" asks Irving. "I didn't eat them." -<>- . . . . . ) \ ( ( / / ' ) ) \ ( './ / ._.) \ '.-.' \ (\ /' _) '( . -_.' | | | ||| --------. _____|||_____ '. / \ | | | | \ ___________/ ._| / \ / ' | |--' \ ____________/ / \ | | \ ___________/ / \ | | \ ___________/ ||| ||| || Julus | There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there's me. One day I couldn't stand it any longer. "Why don't you ever bring me flowers?" I asked. "What's the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a week." "So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you around." -<>- "'That's a great place to work!" shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day at his first job. "I get two weeks' paid vacation." "I'm so glad," said my mother. "Yeah," added John. "I can't wait to find out where they send me." -<>- .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' One of our projects at military leadership school called for us to speak in front of the class on a topic picked by our instructor. A classmate gave an impassioned speech on the benefits of drinking liquor. Alcohol, he insisted, warded off colds, kept you alert, and even made you steadier on your feet. "Good job," said our instructor when he finished. "Only one thing: Your topic was the benefits of drinking liquids, not liquor." -<>- The first day at my new health club I asked the girl at the front desk, "I like to exercise after work. What are your hours?" "Our club is open 24/7," she told me excitedly, "Monday through Saturday." ================================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: You might think In fact, An Really, this it's difficult, the size odd whole idea or that there's you pick idea is a bit magic involved, for your I had silly, but actually it lines is was to even turns out to be not very write a if incredibly easy crucial; sentence it to make all the they can such that gets lines the exact be short the length people same length, as or long. of each one to think anybody can see It turns of the lines you have a after trying to out that is just a bit rare talent. do it one time. the long different from And all without ones are the length of using a hyphen! easiest. the one that came before it, as you see here; however, I can't David H. Zobel really say a lot, can I? >New Word Definitions **ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. **AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do. **BALONEY: Where some hemlines fall. **BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with. **CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate. **ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living. **EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist. **HEROES: What a guy in a boat does. **LEFT BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. **MISTY: How golfers create divots. **PARADOX: Two physicians. **PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. **PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm. **POLARIZE: What penguins and white bears see with. **PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV. **RELIEF: What trees do in the spring. **RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife. **SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does. **SUBDUED: A guy, that works on one of those submarines. -<>- The response : I really liked the word pictures If you wish that I saw while reading to make your word netnews at my office the pictures look as good other day, and it seemed as ours, you might need like a really great concept, and to put some effort into well worth taking the time it. It will come only to come up with a few more after you think a variations. These are some good one is of the ideas that wouldn't not possible. But let me rest until I chose to put if you do keep at it, them down. Really, the persistence will reward type of variation that you. It takes a careful THIS form allows could eye for words and an stagger the mind. Perhaps, if we impressive flair wanted to, we could write for design messages as a solid block to arrange words of writing in which words in this manner. They can also be read in the spacing! that try and fail, find that they are still far the wiser from having Poetry doesn't really work made the attempt. in this form, as it forces changes in word-order that can destroy rhythm, as in: If I hadn't been delivered by Caesarian, I bet that I really wouldn't be such an antidisestablishmentarian! Then again, maybe I'm just trying a little too hard. I bet somebody out there can write a decent poem with a natural sort of justification, but it may not quite belong in this newsgroup. --Mr. Templeton? >Short Takes... Only In America: * When Columbus came to America, there were no taxes, no debts, and no pollution. The women did all the work while the men hunted or fished all day. Ever since then, a bunch of idiotic do-gooders have been trying to "improve" the place. ====================== * New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!" ====================== * Because of budgetary constraints, the City of Baltimore in Maryland has stopped the tradition of giving people a "Key to the City." These days, they just send a guy over and he shows ya how to pick the lock. ======================== * California is said to have over a hundred thousand palms. The way I see it though, about 16 or so of them are trees, the rest seem to be maitre d's, parking lot attendants, waiters, bell boys, doormen... ======================= *It was mealtime during a flight on a small airline in the Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. ======================= A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!" ======================== Six months after her husband who was a waiter died, his widow went to see a psychic, who promised she would contact the dead man. During the seance, the widow was sure she saw her husband standing in the corner, dressed in his waiter's outfit. "Honey!" she cried. "Come closer and speak to me!" A hoarse voice from the corner wailed, "I can't. It's not my table." ======================= While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" ======================= Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for expensive laboratory equipment. Why couldn't you be like the math department? All they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper." ======================== Not A Fair Swap: Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this, there's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season tickets." "Hmmm," her husband said, not bothering to look away. Sarah said teasingly, "Would you swap me for season tickets?" "Absolutely not," he said, "season's more than half over." -<>- >Two Parking Signs #1. Someone mad enough at violators using the Disabled Only parking spaces taped this over the sign, anyone receiving this punishment would have a tough time walking...... Parking is for Disabled patrons only. Violators will have their thighs Superglued together . #2. In Chicago there is a Veterinary Medicine Clinic that specializes in cats. Surprisingly, it's called The Chicago Cat Clinic. In their parking lot is a sign that reads, " PARKING FOR CHICAGO CAT CLINIC ONLY VIOLATORS WILL BE DE-CLAWED AND NEUTERED ! " -<>- >The Texas Cowboy and The Preacher: One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him ALL the hay." -<>- >The 6 Million Dollar Deal At The 6 Dollar Motel: One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!... I complained. "What if I had a six million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a six million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in this six dollar motel!" -<>- >Mom, How To Get A rest Esther Cohen had three very active boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day" -<>- The top ten ways the Bible would have been different if it had been written by college students: 10. The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning...cold. 9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font. 8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling. 7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food. 6. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to abuse@romans.gov. 5. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates. 4. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon. 3. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes. 2. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen. 1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter. -<>- >You're Talking To Who??? A prominent surgeon, who was a member of operating teams at both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in the Chicago area, would operate in the morning, then field calls about his patients in the evening. One night, a few dinner guests were quite shocked as the good doctor was on the phone talking to a resident at Christ Hospital, when the other phone rang. His wife answered, then whispered to her husband, "It's St. Francis calling." He whispered back, "Tell St. Francis I'll have to call back. I'm talking to Christ." -<>- ---------------------------------------------------------------------. | .-- FEDERAL REVERSE NOTE .-- | | |_ ...... THE UNTIED STATES OF AMERICA |_ | | __) `````````` ______ B93810455B __) | | 2 ___ / \ 2 | | /|~\\ / _-\\ \ __ _ _ _ __ | | | |-< | | // \ | |_ | | | |_ | | \|_// | |- o o| | | | `.' |__ | | ~~~ | |\ b.' | | | B83910455B | \ '~~| | | | .-- 2 \_/ ```__/ .... 2 .-- | | |_ ///// ///// //// \__\'`\/ `` //// / //// |_ | | __) F I V E D O L L A R S __) | `--------------------------------------------------------------------' (graphic artist unknown) >Money Isn't Everything **Money can buy medicine, but not health. **Money can buy a clock, but not time. **Money can buy books, but not knowledge. **...You see, money is not everything. **Therefore, if you have too much, please give some to me. --- ...Ditto! :) ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Why God Gave Us Pets! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html Easter Animations http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Driftwood Horses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horses.html Word/Phrase Origins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html Extreme US Spas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html Humorous Ads http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html Mexican Lion http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lion.html Signs Of A Bad Day http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/badday.html World's Fastest Cars -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Anonymous Search Engine http://tinyurl.com/bxq256 Electric Cars for All! (No, Really This Time) http://tinyurl.com/59rw6r Movie Art http://tinyurl.com/denntu Free Anti-Virus http://tinyurl.com/kshl --- ...Cool! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Nextel Dance Party http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjpopo.htm No Fear http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjoppo.htm Bad Luck http://www.buffaloschips.com/fasd.htm Boogie Woogie http://www.buffaloschips.com/fsdjlk.htm Ford Police Chase http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfds.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes And Thunkers: "It's bad in Mexico. They're not allowing anyone to go to the soccer games. They're playing them, just no fans are in the stands. Just like soccer here in the United States." -David Letterman "I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failure." --Chief Justice Earl Warren "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short- comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey "It's the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn't know -- and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything." --Joyce Cary "'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' is returning to prime time. Due to the recession, it's been renamed 'Who Wants Five Bucks and a Taco.'" -Craig Ferguson In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist, as I was always being suspended. -- Emo Philips You can do anything in this world if you are prepared to take the consequences. -- W. Somerset Maugham What you think of me is none of my business. -- Terry Cole-Whittaker You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. -- Henny Youngman The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. -- Ann Bancroft Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. --Benjamin Franklin My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. -- Elaine Boosler The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman "For sale," read the ad in our hospital's weekly newsletter, "sleeveless wedding gown, white, size 8, veil included. Worn once, by mistake." When hiring new staff at the public library, I always ask applicants what sort of supervision they'd be most com- fortable with. One genius answered, "I've always thought Superman's X-ray vision would be cool." My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash was opening up in her neighborhood. "How convenient," she said. "I can walk to it!" >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 CChristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************