Dirtballs And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *8o, 8 : 8 8 : 8 8 : 8 |~~\_____/~~\__ | -cfbd- 8 : 8 ______________________ \N1____====== )-+ 8 : 8 ~~~|/~~ | 8 : 8 () 8 : 8 ,8o,"' aircraft by // -Wil Dixon- ~~ "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a bananna." - Groucho Marx *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb With school starting up soon, I decided to work on the FUN URLs page to get the yearly link check of it done. Takes a lot of time but something that has to be done every year. Updated Fun URLs http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html -<>- >3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press! The super hottie comes from our friend Wesley. This one was stunning and a bit amazing so I just had to do a page on it to share with all of you! Check it out here... _._ ,-" T "-. ,. ( _____ ) // ,. \/| ,'. |\/ /\/ \<\ // \ - / \\/ /` \>\,(\_____/`---"\__/_//) \/\ ) ((| ~ |)) ( "\ Y______\\"-"//______\ \/ \\ // \ / / \\/ ,--. , \ / / \\([JW])|, \ ( `| \\`--" | ) "_ | \\ | _" "_ \-.__ ||__,-._" ")-.__`----'__,-" (c) J.Weseler / `----' \ / || | / // \ | || \ / // | / //\\ | | || \\ \ | || || | |___________|| \\_______\ [___________|] [|_______] |Y/| /\\/_ (mmn (_((__nm [___] [_______] Japan Manhole Cover Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/japanart.html --- ...So unique! Thank You Wesley! Our Next hot tottie is from both our friends Wesley and PatDeE: It is a very funny one - sure to give you some SMILES! ___ ( ) ~=====~ ^ ^ e e | (A portrait of Stan Laurel, symbol of fun) - \_/ author: adrian IRONIC, Isn't it! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony.html --- ...Head shakers for sure! Thanks gentlemen! You make our day! In celebration of yet another decision of the US government to go against the will of the majority of the people in America by suing one of our own states in favor of Mexico and its own political agenda, I give you this super hot page. It comes from two of our friends - Johanna and B.D. If you are a fan of Obama, please ignore this page! The rest of you come along with me and have some smiles! ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc Thinkers And Their Desks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html --- ...A good funny one! Thanks Johanna and B.D.! -<>- >>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS On Above <<<<<<<<<<<< I don't own any graphics on your site, but PLEASE keep your personal politics off your site no matter which way you lean. If you wish to voice your political opinion, then please make another website to do so. I was finding the "Thinker's and Their Desks," pictures quite interesting, until I came to the picture showing President Obama with the comments that were made. The picture would have been suttble enough to have gotten your message across. Comments were unnecessary. However, in all fairness, it is only one picture being posed for photo shoot, no doubt. I know this is a free country to say what you want (Thank God), but we also have the choice to listen or watch what we want. I have enjoyed your website in past, but my feelings toward your site has now changed because of the politicalness of it. In the future, I will not be checking out your website. Thank you for considering my request for a political free website. PatB --- ...Wow! PatB doesn't know me too well. I am first and foremost for God, family, and guess what? Country! We have men and woman giving their lives and serving this fine country of ours so it stays free. If I do not take an active part in educating and bringing Godly viewpoints to the forefront to you people who God has given me to serve through my web site, then I am one who is being persuaded by, as our good friend PatDeE would say, 'a d-evil'... >D-EVILS Devil = Evil with a capital "D" Following are the three most subtle devils. These first three are sent in to do the groundwork for the rest... Disappointment Doubt Discouragement These are not gifts of God. For a quick antidote, call upon the Holy Spirit. __ (`/\ `=\/\ __...--~~~~~-._ _.-~~~~~--...__ `=\/\ \ / \\ `=\/ V \\ //_\___--~~~~~~-._ | _.-~~~~~~--...__\\ // ) (..----~~~~._\ | /_.~~~~----.....__\\ ===( INK )==========\\|//==================== __ejm\___/________dwb`---`____________________________________________ Also in Satan's armory are the negative devils of: Disputation Distraction Derangement Desecration Destruction Defamation Divination Discord Detachment Diversion Dereliction Desertion Detestation Deception Death Delay Depression Despair Disbelief Disenchantment Deprivation Derision Desolation Dementia Deterioration Dizziness Dread Divorce Disease Disconnection Destitution Derogation Dissatisfaction Disillusionment Defeat Doom Disconcertion (One of the wags in seminary told me that I left one D-Devil out. When I asked which one, he chuckled and said, "De Esposito"!) Blessings on your day, Pat --- ...Here is another D-Evil for you. 'Dormant' It is the Devil that makes people do nothing instead of be ACTIVE for God! Here is it's definition... 1. (of an animal) Having normal physical functions suspended or slowed down for a period of time; in or as if in a deep sleep. 2. (of a plant or bud) Alive but not actively growing. I don't know about you people, but I want to be doing ALL I can to do God's will and promote Godly morals and actions - even in the political field. "Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." -- Thomas Jefferson This is how I believe... You Are The Only You God Has http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK: Should I KEEP IT? Or DELETE IT? email me here bcrsystems@earthlink.net With KEEP IT or DELETE IT in the subject line. -<>- >WHAT A WONDERFUL BLESSED MONTH OF CARING AND SHARING WE JUST HAD! _. ,-.,-"`""-./ \ / \ `-.| .:::.:::. \ / `-._ ::::::::: | "=\ ':::::' | .==" |o_|_ ':' | _o. ` (_) ,;;;,;;;, ; \\ ;;;;;;;;; \ _. /|-. ';;;;;' \ ` `'---'/ \ ';' \ .--._ /-' | ,-`. / `-._( / `-._`-._\ `\ '\ ( ` `'._ _, | \ / ~-. `| | | / `;-.| | | .' \ /| | / .'-. '. | \ | .' `-._ '. | /"` `\ jgs / `"--.,_'-._\-.___.'_ ; / `""";--' `. | / .'` \ /""-. ; / \""-, \ | / | \ | \ | '. |/ '. \ .'`-. / '._ '.,___,.;' '-.___.' `"""----------'` *~* Be Sure To Visit Each Of These And Share Them With All Your Friends! Harvest Moonbow! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonbow.html Balloon Party! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/party.html Houses For Hermits! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html Suryia And Roscoe! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orang2.html Romantic Castles! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html Ford's First RV! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html Life's Little Oops 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops5.html Ricochet The Surf Dog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html Chinese Wal-Mart! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Hoppy The Deer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hoppy.html Amazing Horse Trainer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsetrainer.html *~* MAY GOD ABUNDANTLY BLESS ALL OUR SWEET CONTRIBUTORS! ================================================================ >-->From The FunnyBone: Caring For The Blind Paddy was working in a home for the blind when one day, he decided he was gonna go to the country side and visit a lady friend of his. Just as luck would have it, three of the blind people he looked after begged him to take them with for the ride, just to get out to the country and breath the crisp, fresh air. All attempts to dissuade them were fruitless when Paddy came up with a plan to keep them busy while he was inside with the lady friend. _...._ Anyway, so off they went and after a long .' \ _'. drive finally arrived at the cottage where /##\__/##\_\ upon they were greeted by Paddy's friend. |\##/ \##/ | Before going inside he gave his three |/ \__/ \ _| blind friends a soccer ball with a bell \ _/##\__/#/ inside so that they could play a bit of jgs '.\##/__.' kick the ball while he was busy. Paddy, `""""` sure that this would keep them out of any trouble left them and went inside. About two hours later Paddy decided to check on his friends and wondered outside. To his absolute horror there were his three blind friends being loaded into the back of a police van, handcuffs and all. Paddy rushed to his car and followed the van to the Police station. Absolutely dumbfounded as to what his blind friends could have done that would warrant them being arrested, he questioned the arresting officer. "Well sir, its an open and shut case. Those three gentleman kicked an ice cream man to death!" ==================================================================== +--------------- Bizarre August Holidays -----------------+ August 1 is Friendship Day and National Raspberry Cream Pie Day August 2 is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day August 3 is National Watermelon Day August 4 is Twins Day Festival August 5 is National Mustard Day August 6 is Wiggle Your Toes Day August 7 is Sea Serpent Day August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night August 9 is National Polka Festival August 10 is Lazy Day ================================================================ >-->From ArcaMaxJokes: ,-~. : .o \ `. _/`. `. `. `. `. ` .`. `. ``.`. _._.-. -._`. `.``. _.' .`. `. `. _.' ) \ ' .' _. " .'.-.'._ _.-' " ;' _'-.-' " ; _._.-.-; `.,,_; ,..,,,.:" %-' `._.-' \_/ :;; | | : : | | { } \| || || || mb _ ;; _ "-' ` -" >The Stork A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?" "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations." -<>- >Fifty-Five "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old." -<>- >Work Experience "Why are you so excited?" the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. "But doc, this is my first operation." "Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all." -<>- >Artist's Sketch Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower. ==================================================================== >-->From Both my brothers - Del and Adrian :) .--..-""""-..--. ///`/////////\`\\\ ||/ |///""\\\| \|| ## ( 6. 6 ) ## /_\ \ _. / /_\ _`) (`_ /` '--' `\ / _,,_ \ / /` `\ \ /\_/ / 6 6\ \_/\ \ \/\ Y /\/ / \ \/ `'U` \/ / \( \ / )/ |\_/ \_/| / ____ \ \ ( || ) / (__)||(__) | || | |__||__| jgs |==||==| /~`//~`/ / // / `""` `"` A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said, "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.." The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" ( YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! ) The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home." If you ain't laffin'.... You ain't living...... --- ...Oh my goodness! LOL! Thanks guys! ===================================================================== |\ | \ | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| |#####| jro\ >-->LAUNDRY CRISIS (By W. Bruce Cameron, January 23, 2000) As usual, I'm the one who was blamed for the recent family crisis, even though, as readers of this column well know, I am a sensitive and humble husband who is right pretty much 100 percent of the time. I do admit that when it comes to the system that runs the laundry in our house, I have been a tad ... oblivious. By "system" I mean, of course, my wife, who takes care of washing clothes for the rest of us without complaint -- until recently, as you will soon see. My oldest daughter has never mastered the tricky mechanism required to open and shut her dresser drawers, with the result that her clean laundry winds up right where my wife has stacked it -- on the bed, where it tips onto the floor and mingles with the dirty clothes residing there. "I have nothing to wear!" she'll shriek every once in awhile, despite the fact that she is standing ankle deep in her entire wardrobe. When I get tired of this ransacked condition and advise her she can't go to a friend's party until her room is cleaned up, ignoring her claim that "these are the most important people in my life; I promised I'd be there," she'll take care of the problem by gathering up everything and trucking it down to the laundry room, even if my wife just washed it that very day. For my youngest daughter, the issue is the competency of the laundress. "I told you that blouse has to be washed separately," she'll scold. "You're supposed to soak it in rain water and then dry it with cotton balls!" Apparently everything she owns was hand-sewn by movie stars out of butterfly silk, and my wife is constantly "ruining" things by not treating them with gentle cycles and soft murmurs. My son never gripes about clothes: As far as he is concerned, the laundry area could be converted into a video game room. He generally wears the same outfit until it becomes toxic; the EPA has been to our house twice to see if his clothing should be awarded Superfund status. Often, peering at the condition of his attire, I realize he has more dirt on him than I have in my yard. Cleaning his apparel causes the washing machine to make a grinding, gritty noise, as if sand has gotten into the bearings. Against all this, my complaint seems a pretty mild irritant: I've begun noticing that whatever wash cycle she is employing, my wife is causing my pants to shrink around the waist. "You're shrinking them so bad I can barely button them," I grumble. "Look at this!" She regards me wearily. "Those are new pants. I haven't even washed them yet," she advises. "What's your point?" I demand. Sometimes she can't seem to stay focused. "Meaning, I couldn't have done anything to shrink them. They came like that." "Defective trousers?" I sputter. How much more am I supposed to endure? She pokes me lightly in the stomach. "No, they're the right size," she claims. "So you did shrink them!" I accuse. Now, even though all I am doing is serving in my prosecutorial capacity as the man of the family, she completely overreacts. "You know what? You're right. I must not know what I am doing. So from now on, everyone in the family has to wash their own clothes. I am through doing laundry!" At first I believe this is a bluff. Each of us have our family responsibilities, after all -- for her not to take care of the clothes would be like me no longer bothering to decide what we will watch on television. But when, after a few days, it becomes apparent that she has no intention of calling off her unauthorized labor action, I summon the children for an emergency session of arguing over who should take over laundry duties. We decide on a system based on blame and denial. This leads to a minor disaster in which everyone's clothing somehow becomes pink, and a demand from my children: How are you going to get Mom back in the laundry business? I don't know, but I suspect it will involve a lot of chocolate. ==================================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: [POLITICS] >From Patriot Update: VIDEO: Obama says 5 yr old father served in WWII http://tinyurl.com/243np98 >From WorldNetDaily: News bias in prez race more than just a theory http://p2tre.emv3.com/HS?a=DNX7CqliF5M58SA9MKJMy7bnGHxKLK6Jngsp Oops! Obama mama passport 'destroyed' http://p2tre.emv3.com/HS?a=DNX7CqliF5M58SA9MKJM0hvnGHxKLK7fAgyV Look where illegals are infesting now ... http://p2tre.emv3.com/HS?a=DNX7CqliF5M58SA9MKJNLF3nGHxKLK_U5Axm >From BizarreNews: -- In-store wedding a first for TJ Maxx ----------- MOUNT PLEASANT, Mich. - A Michigan couple's wedding in the shoe section of a TJ Maxx store was the clothing chain's first ever in-store ceremony, company officials said. Drew Ellis, a reporter for the Mount Pleasant (Mich.) Morning Sun, married former reporter Lisa Satayut in the shoe section Saturday while customers shopped in other areas of the store, the Morning Sun reported. The store widened the size 8 shoe aisle, the bride's chosen location for the wedding, and provided white chairs with red bows and a vine-covered arch for the occasion. Sonya Cosentini, a spokeswoman for TJ Maxx's Boston corporate offices, said officials were delighted by Satayut's e-mail asking for the unconventional wedding facility. "This is very exciting," she said. "We never had a wedding in a TJ Maxx store before." -- Pen pals meet after 59 years of letters --------- NEW YORK - A 59-year friendship that began as a school assignment to write a letter to a soldier stationed in Korea finally has culminated in the pair meeting in New York. Barbara Rohl, 69, of New York said she first sent a letter to Orville Schumacher, 80, of Nebraska -- then a soldier stationed in Korea -- as a school assignment when she was 11 years old in 1951 and the two continued exchanging letters for 59 years, the New York Post reported. Rohl and Schumacher met in person for the first time last week. "I'm getting past 80 now and I figured if there was a time I was ever going to meet her, it's now," Schumacher said. Rohl said she had strong emotions about meeting her longtime pen pal for the first time. "I can't even explain how I feel about this whole thing," she said. "It's a beautiful thing." -- World's biggest burger: 210 pounds ----------- SYDNEY - The owner of a Sydney restaurant said he set a world record by making a 210-pound hamburger from 178 pounds of beef and 120 eggs. Joe El-Ajouz, owner of Ambrosia On The Spot, said it took 24 hours to create the burger, including 12 hours just to cook the patty, and it required four men to flip, The (Sydney) Daily Telegraph reported Monday. "I've always wanted to break a world record and this is a bit of fun and a marketing tool to get people in here and get them talking," El-Ajouz said. The patty was topped with 16 tomatoes, 120 slices of cheese, four pounds of lettuce, a pound of barbecue sauce and placed between 46 pounds of bread. The previous record holder for the world's largest burger was made in the United States and weighed 185 pounds. -- Student: Condoms not filled with vomit ---------- NAPERVILLE, Ill. - An Illinois student accused of throwing condoms filled with vomit at a college security officer said the liquid was actually a mixture of ketchup and water. Tyler Wilfley, 19, a student at North Central College, was charged with battery and disorderly conduct for allegedly lobbing the liquid-filled condoms at the security officer from a parking deck in Naperville at about 2 a.m. May 28, the Arlington Heights (Ill.) Daily Herald reported Tuesday. Police said at least two "vomit-filled condoms" were thrown at the officer during the incident, splashing their contents on his car and clothing. Police "thought it was vomit because it had a foul odor, but in reality it was ketchup and water," Wilfley told the Daily Herald. "I didn't throw it at the officer, either. It was thrown at the hood of the car and ended up splashing him in the process." North Central spokesman Ted Slowik said officials will schedule a disciplinary hearing for Wilfley allegedly "violating the college's conduct policies." To SUBSCRIBE: http://www.gophercentral.com/ ======================================================================== >-->From Laugh And Lift: + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >The Offering (Author Unknown) Here is a story about a nine year old boy who lived in a rural town in Tennessee. His house was in a poor area of the community. A church there had a bus ministry that came knocking on his door one Saturday afternoon. The kid came to answer the door and greeted the bus pastor. The bus pastor asked if his parents were home and the small boy told him that his parents take off every weekend and leave him at home to take care of his little brother. The bus pastor couldn't believe what the kid said and asked him to repeat it. The youngster gave the same answer and the bus pastor asked to come in and talk with him. They went into the living room and sat down on an old couch with the foam and springs exposed. The bus pastor asked the kid, "Where do you go to church?" The young boy surprised the visitor by replying, "I've never been to church in my whole life." The bus pastor thought to himself about the fact that his church was less than three miles from the child's house. "Are you sure you have never been to church?" he asked again. "I'm sure I haven't," came his answer. Then the bus pastor said, "Well, son, more important than going to church, have you ever heard the greatest love story ever told?" and then he proceeded to share the Gospel with this little nine year old boy. The young lad's heart began to be tenderized and at the end of the bus pastor's story, the bus pastor asked if the boy wanted to receive this free gift from God.The youngster exclaimed, "OF COURSE!" The kid and the bus pastor got on their knees and the lad invited Jesus into his little heart and received the free gift of salvation. They both stood up and the bus pastor asked if he could pick the kid up for church the next morning."Sure," the nine year old replied. The bus pastor got to the house early the next morning and found the lights off. He let himself in and snaked his way through the house and found the little boy asleep in his bed. He woke up the little boy and his brother and helped get them dressed. They got on the bus and ate a doughnut for breakfast on their way to church. Keep in mind that this boy had never been to church before. The church was a real big one. The little kid just sat there, clueless of what was going on. A few minutes into the service, these tall unhappy guys walked down to the front and picked up some wooden plates. One of the men prayed and the kid, with utter fascination, watched them walk up and down the aisles. He still didn't know what was going on. All of a sudden, like a bolt of lightning, it hit the kid what was taking place. These people must be giving money to Jesus. He then reflected on the free gift of life he had received just twenty-four hours earlier. He immediately searched his pockets, front and back, and couldn't find a thing to give Jesus. By this time the offering plate was being passed down his aisle and, with a broken heart, he just grabbed the plate and held on to it. He finally let go and watched it pass on down the aisle. He turned around to see it passed down the aisle behind him. And then his eyes remained glued on the plate as it was passed back and forth, back and forth all the way to the rear of the sanctuary. Then he had an idea. This little nine year old boy, in front of God and everybody, got up out of his seat. He walked about eight rows back, grabbed the usher by the coat and asked to hold the plate one more time. Then he did the most astounding thing I have ever heard of. He took the plate, sat it on the carpeted church floor and stepped into the center of it. As he stood there, he lifted his little head up and said,"Jesus, I don't have anything to give you today, but just me. I give you me!" -<>- >The Laugh You know you've been online too long when... - You start introducing yourself as Jim att aol.com. - Your wife drapes a wig over the monitor to remind you of what she looks like. - You check your mail. It says "no new messsages" so you check it again. - You name your children Mozzilla and Dotccom. - All of your friends have an @ in their nnames. - You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html - You tell the kids they can't use the commputer because "Daddy/Mommy's got work to do". - You start tilting your head sideways wheenever you smile. :-) - As your car crashes through the guardraiil on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button. -<>- [garden] E _ \ o .|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. \/() \cjr//\/'.'.'.'.'.'.\//\\//\/ \7] \__, \/\\//\\/'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'\//\\//\/<,] /==() .:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. >Dirtballs (by Bryan Hupperts) I saw the funniest thing meditating on Scripture today. Remember the parable of the sower? Some seed fell on good soil, some on rocky soil, etcetera? The funny thing was that all the seed fell on dirt - which is a picture of us! The life was only in the seed, not in the dirt. God formed Adam from the dust of the Earth. If you could straight-faced ever call anyone a "dirtball," Adam would be it. I used to wonder why the Lord didn't name him Clay! He was lifeless until the Father kissed him and breathed life into him. In the same way we are only unanimated dirt till the seed of the Word of God comes and makes us alive inside. It is the Spirit that gives life; the flesh profits nothing, unless you're a fan of mud pies. The seed has life but can grow or not grow depending on the condition, and vigilant maintenance, of the soil. We're only the dirt. God has to provide the life for anything to grow. It's funny that the seed is always good but the condition of the soil determines how, and if, the seed will germinate and ultimately bare fruit. God comes to us hungry for fruit. If you planted an apple tree, wouldn't it be reasonable to eventually want to feast on the apples, the fruition of your labors? We are the garden of the Lord. He plants His seed (the living Word of God) within us with the purpose of growing the image of Christ in us, all the while conforming us to that image. He is hungry for the fruit of the Spirit to germinate, bud, blossom, and finally mature to sweetness. When the Lord comes to commune with you, does He walk away hungry or satisfied? We are invited to taste and see that the Lord is good. What does He taste in your spirit? Are you sweet oranges and mangos to His taste buds, or sour, bitter lemons? Does He taste within you the sweet manna of Heaven or barren, wormy, inedible dirt? When God sows His Eternal Word into our hearts, He does it with an eventual harvest in mind. He sows His word to reap an Eternal Harvest from among men. What kind of crop is He getting in you? As I stated earlier, the seed is good. How it grows all depends on the condition of the soil. I think it wonderful that we are the dirt. No one has bragging rights in the Kingdom, and the more you walk with God, the more obvious that becomes. I get a giggle when I think that He knew me before I was born and, in spite of His foreknowledge of my sin, warts, and failures, still chose me! God wants to spend forever with a guy like me! He saw a lonely little barren "dirtball" and decided to invest His life in me. Is it any wonder that the Cross was planted into the dirt of the Earth and the precious blood of the Lamb flowed down for our healing and forgiveness? God breathed into Adam and he became a living soul; when He breathes into us, we become sons of the living God. My honest opinion on why the Lord chose the dust of the Earth from which to form us is because it is the one thing lower than a serpents belly. God commanded the serpent of old to crawl in the dust, the stuff that God animated with life and exalted to His very Throne! We "dirtballs," animated with the life of God, shall rule and reign with Almighty God forever! We were made of the one thing lower than the devil and I sense he resents that. Good! We all start as dirt in the Kingdom. If you've fallen by the wayside, ask the Holy Spirit to "plow up the fallow ground" within you that there might be fruit in the Kingdom. Fallow ground is land that was once fruitful but has lain dormant and untilled and needs a good plowing before it can receive seed to again produce fruit. As God begins to reveal hard, rocky places (strongholds) where you are not producing the fruit of the Spirit, yield to Him and ask Him to deliver you and "heal your land" until you can shine forth the image of the Son of God in your soul. God would have us fruitful. When a beautiful tree whose branches are straining to hold the sweet fruit it has grown is before you, who notices the dirt? You only see the fruit and that is where God is taking you if you will only walk with Him. Be fruitful and multiply, Bryan Hupperts -<>- __________________________________________________________________ | ___ __/__ ____/__ __ \__ __ \_ __ \__ __ \__ /| | __ / __ __/ __ /_/ /_ /_/ / / / /_ /_/ /_ / | | _ / _ /___ _ _, _/_ _, _// /_/ /_ _, _/ /_/ | | /_/ /_____/ /_/ |_| /_/ |_| \____/ /_/ |_| (_) | | I N G I N G E R T O W N| |------._______ ___ _ | | `---..-' `< ) .-. | | .' `. / \ | | .' L _ |@@ | | | .' | | \. _\) /(---._.') | | .' / _.-' @ (_)(`-.\ | | | .' / \__ \ `-. `. | | | .' /.-. ) L `-.\ | | | _.-""""-._ / \ `. _ `----. | `\ \ | | .' `. /___) \ ___| |___ ) .F \._)| | / \ / `-' . | (_.'/ L | | J L / (_). | \ | | | | __ | / .--.__. ___| / _ | | | L / \ J /-----. / |_| (_.' ) F | | | .' /| |/ / .' / _ / | | J / F' F / .' (_.' `-' | | \/-. / / (_.' | | | |/ .' | | .-'\_.'..__..-' VK | |'_________________________________________________________________| >The FBI Looneys FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place: Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda. Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered? Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital. Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent. Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent? Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is. Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas. Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents? Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here? Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent? Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving. Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this? Agent: I have my checkbook right here. Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents? Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked. Pizza Man: I don't think so. Click. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) (__ ,_) \_,-/ /__ )__, )/ _\_ / /d \ \ \__ / _.' / ( ' (,-,) | |_ |_, ,-.___|_ /_, / ) .__ ) \ \ \\`-..- \(`. \( \_\ `._ \`-,'`. `-. `' `-.__ \ `,' |-,._) ! ,') `-. ( ,-' ( ,-.) \ \ \ _/ \_ \_ |\_ \`-'._ ) ( ,'( / )/ __,','__/( gnv /__(^ 7..1" >Lost in the Desert There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the back door, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?" The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop." Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, ok." So, he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, Thank God, " and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man say, "Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God" and the horse just literally takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!" Finally he remembers, "AMEN!!" The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. The man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God". ________________________________ >Reverse Polygamy A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer" ________________________________ >The Good Old Days Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?" Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?" Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?" Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!" -<>- (O_/ __ \_O) / (o)__(o) \ (__.--\/--.__) ====(__/\__)==== `--' _||_ /'....'\ | : : | ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| || `..' || ( | || | ) \| || |/ | || | | || | | || | | || | | || | __,-' || '-,__ (___,--'`--,___) dlK A smile - is a sign of joy. A hug - is a sign of love. A laugh - is a sign of happiness. And a friend like me?? Shoot...that's just a sign of good taste!! We'll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we'll be new friends. --- ...TeeHee! Good funny ones! Thanks Sandi! -<>- )\ /| .-/'-|_/ | __ __,-' ( / \/ .-'" "'-..__,-'"" -o.`-._ / '/ *--._ ./ _.-- | _.-' : .-/ \ )_ / \ _) / \( `. /-.___.---'( / \\ ( / \\ \( L\ \( L\ \\ \\ \\ L\ L\ [nabis] >Bacon Tree Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says......... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. " With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree." "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree." And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath, "Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? " "Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees Ees Ees Ees Ees a ham bush...." SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for sending you this. Just couldn't help it! The little voices made me do it !!! And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you - I know you did! ....... --- ...Oh! you are Bad! LOL! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: >Just Think About This! ** Sometimes I think I'm bain dramaged. | | ,|. ,\|/. ,' .V. `. / . . \ /_` '_\ ,' .: ;, `. |@)| . . |(@| ,-._ `._'; . :`_,' _,-. '-- `-\ /,-===-.\ /-' --` (---- _| ||___|| |_ ----) `._,-' \ `-.-' / `-._,' `-.___,-' ap ** The reason fish are so smart is because they live in schools. ** The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line. ** The biggest waste of time is telling a hair-raising story to a bald-headed man. ** The most efficient labor-saving device is still money. ** The difference between gossip and news is whether you hear it or tell it. ** It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -- Aristotle -<>- I hate being un-plugged! , _ O (=> ) /\_,_[__]~~~) |_( =========( .---. | |\ | | ) |(")| | | |_| |(_,--C= |(")| `---' ** Short Takes ** Two blondes were walking down the road when one said, "Hey, look at that dog sitting over there with one eye!" The other blonde covered one of her eyes and said, "Where?" ================== If you think it's easy to be a politician, try to straddle a fence and keep both ears to the ground at the same time. (Douglas Helsel) ================== After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow, Mom, you smell just like Froot Loops!" =================== My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already. ==================== -<>- >I'm Retired Now The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took with him his life long pet parrot. First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked and said, "Off yer hocks and on yer socks. Reveille!" The old Chief told the parrot, "We're no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep." The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. The old Chief told the parrot, "Look, if you keep this up, I'll put you out in the chicken pen." Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen. About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by a massive ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens in formation. On the ground lay 3 bruised and beaten brown ones. . | \/| (\ _ ) )|/| (/ _----. /.'.' .-._________.. .' @ _\ .' '.._______. '. / (_| .') '._____. / '-/ | _.' '.______ ( ) ) \ '..____ '._ ) ) .' __.--\ , , // (( '.' mrf| \/ (_.'( ' \ .' \ ( \ '. \ \ '.) '-'-' The parrot was saying, "By Golly, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't mean Khakis!" -<>- >The Shopping List For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules. He worked during the day, and I worked at night. One morning I noticed he had left a note to himself on the kitchen counter that read, "STAMPS!" As a helpful surprise, I bought him some at the post office and put them on the counter before going to work... The next morning I found the same note. The word "STAMPS!" was crossed out. Underneath it he had written, "ONE MILLION DOLLARS!" -<>- >What Happened? There was a fire in my neighborhood, and I arrived just in time to see firefighters carry one of their men out of the burning house and lower him to a sitting position on the lawn. Visibly shaken, he took out a cigarette, lit it, and sat there puffing on it to calm his nerves. "What happened to that poor guy?" I asked a bystander. He replied, "Smoke inhalation." -<>- ________________ \ __ / __ \_____()_____/ / ) '============` / / #---\ /---# / / (# @\| |/@ #) / / \ (_) / / / |\ '---` /| / / _______/ \\_____// \____/ o_| / \ / \ / / o_| / | o| / o_| \ / | _____ | / / \ \ / | |===| o| / /\ \ \ | | \@/ | / / \ \ \ | |___________o|__/----) \ \/ | ' || --) \ | |___________________|| --) \ / | o| '''' | \__/ | | | "DON'T CROSS ME... !" Rosebud >The Threat As a fellow policeman and I were eating lunch in a cafe, we heard a woman nearby say loudly, "Jimmy, if you don't eat all your peas, I'll have those policemen come over and talk to you." My friend promptly walked over to the five-year-old who was being scolded. "Jimmy," he said, just as loudly, "I'm six-foot-two and weigh 200 pounds. And I never ate a pea in my life." As we left, the other patrons were laughing, Jimmy's mother was absolutely silent, and a smiling Jimmy was no longer afraid of policemen. -<>- ** To Inspire You ** *******The Strength of a Man" ******** .=., ;c =\ __| _/ .'-'-._/-'-._ /.. ____ \ /' _ [<_->] ) \ ( / \--\_>/-/'._ ) \-;_/\__;__/ _/ _/ '._}|==o==\{_\/ / /-._.--\ \_ // / /| \ \ \ / | | | \; | \ \ / / | :/ \: \ \_\ / | /.'| /: | \ \ | | |--| . |--| \_\ / _/ \ | : | /___--._) \ |_(---'-| >-'-| | '-' snd /_/ \_\ ** The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders. Its seen in the width of his arms that circle you. ** The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice. It is in the gentle words he whispers. ** The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has. Its how good a buddy he is with his kids. ** The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work. Its in how respected he is at home. ** The strength of a man isn't in how hard he Hits. Its in how tender he touches. ** The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest. Its in his Heart...that lies within his chest. ** The strength of a man isn't how many women he's Loved. Its in can he be true to one woman. ** The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift. It is in the burdens he can carry. -<>- .-=-. / ! )\ __ \__/__/ / _<( ^.^ ) / / \ c /O \ \_.-./=\.-._ _ `-._ `~` `-,./_< `\' \'\`'----' * \ . \ * `-~~~\ . . `-._`-._ * * `~~~-, * () * ) <^^> * ( . .-""-. ) .---. ."-....-"-._ _...---''`/. ' ( (`\ \ .' ``-'' _.-"'` \ \ \ : :. .-' `\`.\: `:. _.' ( .'`.` _.' `` `-..______.-' ):. ( ."-....-". jgs .':. `. "-..______..-" >3 People... 3 Wishes Three members of an investment bank: a secretary, an associate and a manager, are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they discover an ancient old antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a huge puff of grey-blue smoke. The genie says, "I usually grant only three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world!" Poof! She's gone. In absolute astonishment the associate shouts, "Me next! Me next! I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseur, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," says the genie to the manager. The Manager calmly says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." -<>- ,sdPBbs. ,d$$$$$$$$b. d$P'`Y'`Y'`?$b d' ` ' \ `b / | \ \ / / \ | \ _,--' | \ | /' _/ \ | \ _/' /' | \ `-.__ __/' ,-' / | | \ `--...__ /' / | / \ \ `-. `\ / /;;,,__-' / / \ \ `-. / |;;;;;;;\ \ >You know you are from Colorado when... *...You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista. (Buna, as in tuna.) *...You think there are only 3 seasons: elk, football, and skiing. *...April showers bring May blizzards. *...You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it's someone you know. *...Timberline is someplace you have actually been, many times. *...You know who Alfred Packer was. *...SPF 90 is not out of the question. *...People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do. *...Having a Senator named 'Nighthorse' doesn't seem strange. *...A full moon has never kept you awake. *...You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck. *...You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car. *...You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail. *...You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna. ...You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman. ...You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding. ...Your real Y2K fear is running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix. ...The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail. ...You get depressed after one day of cloudy weather. ...You think that formal wear is ironed denim. ...North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right; and east and west are where all those liberals keep moving in from. ...You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue. ...You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt, and Birkenstocks. ...Your bridal registry is at REI. ...You can run up 10 flights of stair without huffing and puffing. ...You have stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight. ...In Colorado there is an additional season... "Road Construction." =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' >Browsing old cemeteries A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries... Some fascinating words found etched on old tombstones...... Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York : Born 1903--Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ============================= In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go. ============================= On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia : Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The Good Die Young. ============================= In a London , England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 ============================= In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. =============================== In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon me for not rising. =============================== In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. ============================== In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery: Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw. ================================ A lawyer's epitaph in England : Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange. ================================= John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England , cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny. ================================== In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England : On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune. ================================== Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont : Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go. ================================== On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachusetts : Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God. ================================== In a cemetery in England : Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I As I am now, so shall you be. Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you I'll not consent. Until I know which way you went. --- ...Very Funny! Reminds me of our page here... Strange Tombstones http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tombstones.html ================================================================== >-->From CleanLafs: ,__, _.-----/6 6) ,-' / .='=. / _./ /_-._,.. _.-| \.'|,:=._::,,_. .'_.-'\ |//..= ,'.' / /_:.'. :: `,.,' : :: /// :: :: ,/// :: :: `. / :: `:`-./ / _.-'.' `-._`---'_.-' ,/ /:---' `. // ::/ // l42 / ||| [Following are some very funny spelling bloopers caught in local newspapers, publications and various emails. See if you can catch the goofs.] 1. "...an autopsy to determine if the elderly man lost courteousness for medical reasons." (Trenton, N.J.) 2. "[An NBA coach] will take charge of a young team still in the throws of a roster overhaul." (Vernon, Conn.) 3. "'It's pretty exciting,' according to his material grand- mother." (Potsdam, N.Y.) 4. "The MCCC fight team won 21 out of 32 awards and brought home nine metals." Including the gold? (Trenton, N.J.) 5. "McNabb...exasperated the injury attempting to chase down Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams." (Trenton, N.J.) 6. "Boxer Pups AKC, 1M, 1F, Bread for Health and Temperament." (e-mail) 7. "[Paris Hilton] was probably going through cocaine withdrawls." Is she from the South? (Sunnyvale, Calif.) 8. "Our lunch menu [includes] a variety of hot entrees and tempting deserts." Presumably also hot. (Upper Saint Clair, Pa.) 9. "Vincent was a brawny Swiss ex-patriot." (San Jose, Calif.) 10. "...those who acquaint shopping with charity." (Simsbury, Conn.) ---- Corrections: 1. consciousness 2. throes 3. maternal 4. medals 5. exacerbated 6. bred 7. withdrawals 8. desserts 9. expatriate 10. equate -<>- . |^ . \O___.____ / \ . / \ ,/ [] Chuckles [] [] ~~~~~~~~ Mary was married to a something of a chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly....not any housework. That, he declared, was 'woman's work.' One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that her husband Charley had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full- time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "Oh, that part didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired." -<>- 8 8 8 8 ,ooo. 8a8 8a8 oP ?b d888a888zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz8 8b `""^""' ?o___oP' When my boss returned to the office, he was told that every- one had been looking for him. That set him off on a speech about how indispensable he was to the company. "Actually," interrupted his assistant, "you left with the key to the stationery closet." -<>- A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." "OK," says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV. ================================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Code Of Ethics http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ethics.html Let's Dance! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html Ohio Indians http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ohioindians.html -<>- >From our Friend Sandi :) PLaying With Food! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food.html --- ...A funny reminder! Thanks sandi! You've got to hear this little girl sing. Rhema Marvanne was born 9/15/02, lost her mother, Wendi Marvanne Voraritskul, to ovarian cancer on November 8, 2008. Rhema lives in Carrollton , TX and attends The Branch Church (Vista Ridge Campus). This video was done in Texas around McKinney & Dallas where she lives. Her mother had died just a few months before she got to put this together. WELL WORTH YOUR NEXT 3 MIN. http://www.vimeo.com/12348372 --- ...Sweet! Thanks Sandi! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Woman - Darkest Before Dawn! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womandbd.html --- ...Awesome Reminder! Thanks PatDeE II SILENZIO! - AN ITALIAN MELODY! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ9VZixY7-0 --- ...Beautiful! Thanks PatDeE! Eleanor Powell and Fred Astaire Best Tap dancers ever! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toDl2hXt8BM --- ...Wow! Makes me tired just watching these two! Thanks PatDeE! Animal lovers cartoons http://nickvt.blogspot.com/2010/07/cartoons-for-twisted-peopleand-animal.html --- ...TeeHee! What A riot! Thanks PatDeE -<>- >From Our Friend Becky :) Little White Cross http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FARFYp0yUo --- ...Sweet! Thanks Becky! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Was Moby Dick a real whale? http://v.ff.sl.pt/ "Mermaid" Spotted ? http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/Flash.aspx/169395 Alternative Uses For Everyday Items http://www.altuse.com/ --- ...Very Interesting! Thanks Wesley! -<>- Worse Than Locking Keys In Car http://www.buffaloschips.com/72206.htm Worst Seats http://www.buffaloschips.com/72207.htm WoW http://www.buffaloschips.com/72208.htm Wrong Ball http://www.buffaloschips.com/72209.htm Wrong Gift http://www.buffaloschips.com/72210.htm Hama Rat http://www.buffaloschips.com/72211.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Historians just found a document that showed a list of liquor George Washington wanted for his New York head- quarters, including a keg of brandy, a box of claret, a box of fortified wine, a basket of cordials and two kinds of cheese. So not only was George Washington the father of our country, he also invented the mini-bar." -Jimmy Kimmel "A survey has found that 26 percent of people admit to texting while driving. The other 74 percent admitted to texting while being hit by a car." -Jimmy Fallon "The Census Bureau reported that Las Vegas is about to pass Washington, D.C. in population. Of course, there's a huge difference between Vegas and Washington. See, in Las Vegas, people gamble with their own money." --Jay Leno "A helping word to one in trouble is like a switch in a railroad track...an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity." -Henry Ward Beecher "All animals, except man, know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it." -Samuel Butler "All mankind is divided into three classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable; and those who move." -Benjamin Franklin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chhristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interesst to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DDARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************