Divorce Agreement And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ -=- (\ _ /) (`\(")/') (`/\') \\/^\// / \ hjw / \ `-._.-' *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first hottie is from our friend Johanna. Just a fun one to muse over. Check it out here... .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' World's Best Husband! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/husbands.html --- ...LOL! I enjoyed this one! Thanks Johanna! This next scorcher comes from a forward from our friend Viv. Some of these are just jaw droppers. So astounding! Check them out here... ______ | O | | ,|._ | | `A _|__ |__|\_\ \ O \ ._|.) \___A _|_ |\ SSt Wall Mural Art 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html --- ...I do so much love this art work! Thanks Viv! ==================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: The Same Language _ One reason the Military has trouble operating __|_\_ jointly is that they don't speak the same =u__.-.__) language. /_/ _h___ I __[_]___\_[]=_ __ \, / _[__]=== jgs^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^^''''"" (______) __ _[__]=== For example... (______) If you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy. ================================================================== +--------------- Bizarre October Holidays ----------------+ October 1 is World Vegetarian Day and Magic Circles Day October 2 is Name Your Car Day October 3 is Virus Appreciation Day October 4 is National Golf Day October 5 is National Storytelling Festival ================================================================= >->From ALPHA Jokes: >A couple lived near the ocean A couple lived near the ocean. One summer, they noticed a girl at the beach regularly. They watched as she approached people, spoke quietly, then walked away. They speculated about what she was doing, but were not sure. Then they realized she only approached people with boom boxes. So the husband took his boom box to the beach. Sure enough, the girl approached him. When he went home, his wife anxiously asked what the girl was doing. "She sells batteries," he told her. "She sells C cells by the seashore." -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >Reality Rules for Teens Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen uses the phrase "it's not fair" 6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often, they may have been the most idealistic generation ever. When your parents started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule #1. Rule #2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as your school does. This may come as a shock. When inflated self-esteem meets reality, it doesn't seem fair. (See Rule No. 1) Rule #3. If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he is not going ask you how feel about it. Rule #4. It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life" and "You're not the boss of me." When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it or you'll sound like a baby boomer. Rule #5. Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom, nor a soap opera. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, and your friends will not be as perky and cute as Jennifer Aniston. Rule #6. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. Most of us do. Rule #7. Enjoy it. Sure, parents are a pain and school's a bother, but someday you'll realize how much fun it was to be teenager. Why not start now? ===================================================================== >-->From ArcaMax: >Strongest Man A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS." -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Old Bible A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!" -<>- >Sad News What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote the song "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started. -<>- >Do You Serve...? A man walked into a bar, leading an alligator by a leash. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," said the bartender. "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator." ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend DonnaL :) Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? A: He's fully recovered. -<>- /| |\ | | | | ( \./ ) ( \ / ) (.\ /.) \ : / \\*// \ / ) : ( ))*(( ) . ( / : \ ///|\\\ / v \ |__:__| ////|\\\\ /.......\ hmmm... Riitta Rasimus >Boudreaux’s Love Dress The early days of wedded bliss Held Marie and T-boy’s passion wild; But after years of no longer being a bachelor and miss Years caused T-boy's manner to become boring and mild Tee Boy’s lusty fervor waned from him. "We'll have to find a cure to stem This indolence within," She thought, and then devised a plan For T-boy’s warmth to win. When he returned from the Swamp that day His wife was looking for a human kind of flaw, Behold Marie- in unclothed pose, He balked at what he saw. "Mais, Good grief!" he cried, "Have you gone mad? Are you in some de-stress?" "Cher’," she said, "look closer here, For I decided to undress." "You brazen woman! Ya loss your mind? Can’t you find some needed modesty?" "Sugah!, surprise! Look agin and you will find; My Love Dress, why -can't you see?" "Yes I can, -and I concede You've tried, wit out a doubt; But I'd have tought the wrinkles, dear, -You could at least -have ironed dem out!" -<>- Greek Dance (may take a while to load) I enjoyed this one http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80609414/ -<>- __________________________________________/ ------------------------------------------| | | |~~~~~~~~~~| | | | | *| *|Bless this|* |* | | |_____|_____| ~Home~ |______|______|____| ____________ | _______ | | `| ((()) || || | |] ))o o(( ||_______|| |__________| ((\o/)) |_________| | | /\\_//\ |_==___==_| | |]__.-- //(_ _)\\ ____|_________| | |------ \\\ /// ----|oo o oo| | | | (// \\) *__|| _______ | | \\\\| | * /_____\ _*__||| || | ))) ( oo| |_____| | | | __*__|||_______|| | ( oo \-/|________ | | | __\___|_________| |_ \-/ // \| |_|_| \ // \ \\_| (_) (_) \ \\_| (||| "Boys, it's almost time for //\\ ||| dinner. You got any ideas (_)(_)(_)_) about what you would like to eat?" >A Big Dinner By Kenn Nesbitt I started arranging my alphabet soup, concocting big words to devour. I swallowed a B U I L D I N G, I gobbled a S T R E E T, and then I injested a T O W E R. I snacked on a S U B W A Y. I bolted a B U S. I wolfed down a P A S S E N G E R T R A I N. I chewed up M O N T A N A. I gulped I N D I A N A, then tossed down the whole S T A T E O F M A I N E. I ate the G R A N D C A N Y O N. I lunched on the R O C K I E S, and A S I A, I slurped from my cup. I would have been fine, but I started to dine on M Y H O M E W O R K, and then I threw up. --- ...LOL! Thanks DonnaL! ============================================================= >-->In The Wordly News: [POLITICS] >From NAGR: Please take a few minutes to listen the short audio briefing I've recorded for you. Hillary Clinton's UN "Small Arms Treaty" is gaining support of gun grabbers around the globe and will soon make its way to the U.S. Senate. http://www.nagr.org/UNPetitionAudio2.aspx?pid=2 -<>- >From WorldNetDaily: Unmuzzled: After 40-year absence, it's now OK to say this For the first time in 40 years, high-school students in Arlington, Mass., are able to recite, in a school environment, those familiar words: 'I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.' Read the latest now on WND.com. http://p2tre.emv3.com/HS?a=DNX7CqliF5M58SA9MKJLpHTnGHxKLNbjvAyr >From Patriot News: Surprise! 1/3 of blacks back tea party movement http://tinyurl.com/2clrc6h Shock Video: How many are on food stamps? http://tinyurl.com/295ws6f Video: It’s Mourning in America http://tinyurl.com/2ezmouj -<>- >From Public Advocate of the U.S. Kevin Jennings Comes Out Against Your Children The Homosexual Lobby is moving forward with their plan to indoctrinate our nation’s school children into their immoral agenda. Kevin Jennings, Obama’s anointed “Safe School Czar” (an open homosexual and Radical Homosexual activist) wants to unleash a campaign of homosexual desensitization upon our children as part of his “school curriculum.” As he outlines in his plan, Jennings wants homosexual history books in the library, gender-neutral bathrooms and changing areas, homosexual proms, and even gender-neutral athletic teams. He wants to take away the parental right of home schooling to guarantee a steady diet of homosexual teaching for your children. He wants to impose his agenda on even private faith based schools. Some safe school czar. You see, homosexual activists see our public schools as the next field to harvest and recruit from. If you think this is just alarmist rhetoric, look at this. http://tinyurl.com/24w623d Radical homosexuals have already chalked up key victories in the public school arena within the last year. Public Advocate has held the front line in this battle to protect our children from wanton homosexuals seeking to corrupt our children. Do you want this curriculum for your children? We need to stand united against this erosion of traditional values. If you are not convinced the threat of the Homosexual Lobby is real, I’m not sure what it will take to convince you. If you are like me, and have seen the effects the Homosexual Agenda has had on our nation, and the direction we are headed, I hope you will consider supporting Public Advocate. God bless you and yours, Eugene Delgaudio President Public Advocate of the U.S. http://publicadvocateusa.org/ -<>- >[WARNING] A Photo Opportunity for Low Lifes... by emb People often wonder why I do not post pictures of myself or family members on my web site or MyYearbook page. The main reason is people. There are many who would exploit others. When I first got on the internet in the early 90's, I met all kinds of people. Most of them I thought were like me. Just curious, out to have a good time or out to make new friends. There were some though that crossed my screen that were not like me. Ones that were just plain nasty, bad, and evil. Wolves in sheep's clothing. The world is a big play ground. You get all kinds when you are hooked up to it. I could avoid the ones with alternative kinky adult preferences, but the ones that got to me the most were the hackers and the pedophiles. The hackers alarmed me because of their high tech genius level. If a person was causing a problem in a chat room, it was these people who could choose to ruin their lives by obtaining their SS# and posting it within minutes to all in the chat room along with their name and IP#. I saw it done. Scary. Pedophiles got to me too. I was talking with one man almost every day. He was added to my chat list and I thought he was an OK married man. One day he asked me how old were my children and when I told him, he told me, 'no good, I like them a lot younger'. He said he was going to ask me to send him some pictures. He went into detail about what he liked and then he told me his wife was the same and they were hoping to adopt. He assured me they'd never really touch a child, but with his fantasy, I figured it was only a matter of time. He told me he was a member of a large group of people on the internet that had these same feelings and they liked sharing stories and pictures with each other. After that, I told myself my family were not going to be part of any sick collection by some pervert so I've never posted our family photos. Like Dr. Phil says, once a photo is on the net, it never goes away. With photoshop and the like, any one can do anything with your photo and post it and make you look as sick as they are or exploit your children or grandchildren to some very nasty people. I suggest that if you have pictures up on a social network that you make the privacy high so that only your chosen friends may view, share, and copy them. Otherwise, any Tom, Dick, Or Harry that is a member may take your photos and do with them anything they like. After all, with a pool like that of Facebook, which has more than half a billion users worldwide, you are bound to get many questionable and nasty characters using it. (Hey, If you want to know what I look like, just picture the typical overweight grandma - that's me! :} Here's the latest from Fox News: >EXCLUSIVE: Pedophiles Find a Home for Social Networking -- on Facebook Posts on the pedophile blog Boy Chat reveal a larger strategy for using Facebook. Users provide tips on using the site to assist others in having real-life conversations with children; share tips for evading the eye of law enforcement while trolling Facebook for victims; post changes in privacy policy of social media sites; and even suggest specific individuals to target. In one post, a Boy Chat user points out a specific Facebook user — a former child star — whose profile, they say, holds a trove of desired photos. That post goes on to say that it takes some effort to be accepted as a Facebook friend of this person, but that “once you’re in, you’re really in.” Another user wrote, “Facebook stalking isn’t real stalking is it?” Read the Full Article here: http://tinyurl.com/2udyhoa -<>- >From BizarreNews: _____ | D | | | | \___| _ || _______ -( (- |_'(-------) '-' | / _____,-\__..__|_____Pr59 -- Toilet flush gives away burglars ------------- MIDDLETOWN, Conn. - Two alleged burglars in Middletown, Conn., were nabbed after one of them was betrayed by an act of nature that led, naturally, to flushing a toilet, police say. A homeowner was pulling her car into the drive- way of her house Wednesday around noon when she heard the sound of a toilet flushing, the Hartford Courant reported. She pulled out of the driveway to a spot nearby and called police. The woman then followed an alleged intruder in her car, relaying information to police after he emerged from the house and took off on foot, the newspaper said. Police apprehended Said Oruczadeh, 23, of Middletown carry- ing $9,905 worth of jewelry and later arrested Derek Mandeville, 21, also of Middletown whom police claim is an accomplice. Both were being held on burglary-related charges, the Courant said. -- Man ticketed for trespassing at own home --------- NEW YORK - A New York man said police gave him a ticket for trespassing while he was standing outside of his own apartment. Lindsey Riddick, 36, who joined a class-action lawsuit against the New York Police Department alleging officers gave out illegal summonses to meet quotas, said he and his brother were ticketed by police while outside of his apartment building, the New York Daily News report- ed. "I told the officer, 'I live here and I have the key,'" Riddick said. "You're giving me a summons? Come on, man. You got to be kidding me." Jon Norinsberg, a lawyer representing the brothers and 20 other plaintiffs in the class-action lawsuit, said police handed out the summonses illegally to meet quotas. "This is another example of police trespassing on people's constitutional rights just to fill a quota," Norinsberg said. "There's something terribly wrong with how the NYPD operates and it has to be fixed." ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: A group of expectant fathers sat nervously in the hall. A nurse beckoned to one of them and said, "Congratulations, you have a son!" Another man dropped his magazine, jumped up and cried, "Hey, what's the idea? I got here two hours before he did!" -<>- ____ / \ u u| _______ \ | .-''#%&#&%#``-. = / ((%&#&#&%&VK&%&)) | `-._#%&##&%_.-' /\/\`--. `-."".-' | | \ /`./ |\/| \ `-' / || | \ / VK I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip. To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza. "Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. "Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!" [Contributed to Reader's Digest.] -<>- The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." -<>- ,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___ ((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __ () \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|-- ((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya. On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies. She wanted to always remember this moment and try to share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?" Her friend looked at her an solemnly replied, "If you boil the water, you won't get dysentery." ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) This just about says it all-- which ever side you may choise-- Jp Original Message [POLITICS] ~C /|\/ \| ejm96 /\ / / ~ ~ >DIVORCE AGREEMENT THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT. I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM. Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World". We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. Sincerely, John J. Wall Law Student and an American P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you. P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country. --- ...LOL! Awesome Reading! Thanks John-Paul! ============================================================== >-->From Laugh And Lift: * * * * ) (\___/) ( * /( \ (. .) )\ * # ) c\ >' ( # ' )-_/ ' \\|, ____| |__ ,|// \ ) ( ` ~ ) ( / #\ / /| . ' .) \ /# | \ / ) , / \ / | \,/ ;;,,;,; \,/ _,#;,;;,;, /,i;;;,,;#,; (( %;;,;,;;,; )) ;#;,;%;;,, _// ;,;; ,#;, /_) #,; // // \|_ \|_ |#\ |#\ -" b'ger -" >Make Sure the Devil Takes his Bags (Author Unknown) [Edited] You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad, but you are still resentful, and angry. (you let the devil leave his bags) You got out of financial debt, but you still can't control the desire to spend on frivolous things. (you let the devil leave his bags) You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to try it just one more time. (you let the devil leave his bags) You said, I forgive you, but you can't seem to let it go and have peace with that person. (you let the devil leave his bags) You got out of that horribly oppressive job, but you're still trying to sabotage the company after you've left. (you let the devil leave his bags) You cut off the affair with that married man/woman, but you still lust after him/her. (you let the devil leave his bags) You broke off your relationship with that hurtful, abusive person, but you are suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet. (you let the devil leave his bags) You decided to let go of the past hurts from growing up in an unstable family environment, yet you believe you are unworthy of love from others and you refuse to get attached to anyone. (you let the devil leave his bags) WHEN YOU PUT THE DEVIL OUT, MAKE SURE HE TAKES HIS BAGS, TOO!! -<>- The Laugh ,-----. #,-. ,-.# () a e () ( (_) ) #\_ - _/# ,' `"""` `. ,' \X/ `. / X ____\ / v ,` v `, / / ( <==+==> ) `-._/|__________\ ^ / (\\) |______@____\ ^ / \\ | ( ) \ ^ / ) | \^/ ( | |v <(^)>| | v | | | | ZOT |_.--.__ .--._| `===' `===' >Missionary Translation Woes (Author Unknown) The worst part of being a missionary is the language. You're unable to communicate or understand the most basic aspects of life, from "Where's the bathroom?" to "How much do you want for that mango?" In no time at all, you feel like the stupidest person on the face of the earth, such as when I told the yard boy, "Remember, I am garbage" instead of "Remember to take out my garbage." (I guess it was a tacit admission to being white trash.) Although I didn't do any preaching in Haiti, I did try to share the gospel with a number of people. The first conversation I had along those lines went like this: "If you accept Jesus Christ, he will take away your dogs." "My dogs? I don't have any dogs." "Everyone has dogs, ma'am. But when Jesus forgives them, it's though you never had a dog your entire life." Bill Smith, an Assemblies of God missionary I worked with in Haiti, told me he once had instructed an entire church that if anyone wanted to become followers of Christ, they should signify it by raising their legs into the air and coming forward on their hands. Lots of puzzled looks, very little response to the altar call. But the all time most embarrassing gaffe has to go to Dale Preiser, another AoG missionary I met who turned red when I mentioned this to him at a church dinner. The word Dale had wanted to use on this occasion was "mambo," a voodoo priestess. Instead he said "mamba," and gave several impassioned sermons up and down Highway One about the dangers of Christians returning to voodoo and shipwrecking their faith and the faith of others by using peanut butter. (I'm told people were very open to this teaching, and sales of peanut butter plummeted wherever Dale went.) -<>- Quick Jokes My three year old son and I were passing by a McDonald's one day and he started begging me to get some "fench fies, pweeeez". I didn't have any money on me and I told him "No, Mommy is broke" He didn't complain he just accepted my answer. A few days later we were driving past a McDonald's once again. He was not having a happy day because we were stuck running errands all day. So I offered, "Ryan do you want to get some french fries?" And he perked up and smiled and said, "Why Mommy, are you fixed?" -------- ____ ___|=--=/ \=--=| :(___.--. .--.___): { __ ' ) ( ` __ )= ""----'Ahas '----"" ====' A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well... they feel a bit tight," replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. "Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," he says. -------- _____________________________ / masqlsferh / / / / ertrttgzuf /__./ / / kokjvwehgk ________ / / ntyxomhjk- ________ / / tfhghhggzz _____ / / dfghgjzjkt / /____________________________/ - a:f - Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!" "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid." SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Fig :) >Ant & Grasshopper (New Version)---this is soooo good! The ANT "=. "=. \ \ \ _,-=\/=._ _.-,_ / \ /=-._ "-. |=-./~\___/~\ / `-._\ | \o/ \o/ / / \_ `~~~;/ | | `~,._,-' / / | | =-._ / _,-=/ \=-._ /|`-._/ // \\ )\ /| |)_.'/ //| |\_." _.-\ (| \ / _.`= \ || ":_ _.;"_.-;" _.-=.: _-."/ / `-."\_." =-_.;\ `-_./ / _.-=. / \\ | =-_.;\ ." \\ \ \\/ \\ /\_ .'\\ \\ // `=_ _.-" \\ \\ // `~-.=`"`' || || LGB || _.-_/| || |\_.-_ _.-_/| /_.-._/ |\_.-_ \_.-._\ /_.-._/ \_.-._\ AND THE GRASSHOPPER //_____ __ @ )====// .\___ \#\_\__(_/_\\_/ / / \\ Jiri Matejicek Two Different Versions ... Two Different Morals OLD VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE OLD STORY: Be responsible for yourself! MODERN VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green...' ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper's sake. President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper. The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackled, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood. The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in November 2010. I've sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant not a grasshopper! Make sure that you pass this on to other ants. Don't bother sending it on to anygrasshoppers because they wouldn't understand it, anyway. --- ...LOL! Someone has this all figured out pretty good! Thanks Fig! ================================================================= ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB >-->Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog 1. If it itches, you can reach it, no matter where it itches. 2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older. 3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair. 4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health. 5. No one thinks less of you for burping. Some people might actually think you're cute. 6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours. 7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff. 8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault. 9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back. 10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you. ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend James :) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * arm * "Ward off grief from your heart and put away trouble from your presence, though the dawn of youth is fleeting." – Ecclesiastes 11:10 Several years ago, I watched the movie The Bucket List about two terminally-ill cancer patients who shared a hospital room. Edward was a corporate billionaire while Carter was a mechanic. As their friendship grew, they made a list of the things they wanted to do before they die. Leaving all behind, they went on the best adventure of their lives as they crossed out item after item on that list. That movie made me think about what a waste of time I spent focusing on the negative rather than finding hope in the positive. How unfortunate that I can no longer regain time lost and live life differently. If only I could, then I would probably have put my energies to helping and serving the poor more, to loving my family more, to pleasing God more. I know I'm getting older with every breath and I pray constantly for the Lord's grace that I may make the most of whatever time I have left. No serious illness threatens me today — but tomorrow, who knows? May the Lord enable me to tick off every item on my life's bucket list, so that in the end I can "witness something truly majestic," just as Edward and Carter did. Dina Pecaña (dpecana@yahoo.com) REFLECTION: Carpe diem! Seize the day. Jesus, journey with me in this life and teach me to make each moment the best time I can ever have in loving and serving You. --- ...AMEN! Thanks James! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) .----. / _ \ |=[_]==| (`.--.____.---.'\ `-./'\\_.' | /. .|| \:-: .' LGB `-' >A CASE OF IRISH ALZHEIMER'S Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?" Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?" Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your love life?" Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt. Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one." The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your love life?" Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay". And he makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your love life?" "Definitely," the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle. As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, "I haven't really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from this day forward you will have no love life." "Nice to meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O' Malley." --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! I'm posting this one even though I find it hard to believe! After all, what sort of devil does the author of this think we have? The devil knows all of us as well or better then we know ourselves! He would not make the above mistake as he would already know who this golfer was. But it is funny thinking the devil got the wool pulled over his eyes. =================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: __ _ | | Yye |_| |--| .---. e AA | | | | /.--./\ e A // || \/\ e A //|/|| |\/\ aa a |\o/ o/-- ///|\|| | \/\ . ~o \.'\.o' //|\|/|| | |\/\ . /.` \o' //\|/|\|| | | \/\ ( ( . \o' __ __ _//|/|\|/|| | | |\/`--' ' __/__/__//|\|/|\|| | | | `--' |\|/|\|/|\|/|\|/|| | | | | RG +a:f >Space Mountain: From Steve: <> Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, we rode it twice. The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed. "Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go." I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, "This year, I can read." -<>- >My Proud Daughter: A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday. An hour later, while wandering through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen floor. "My pup," she murmured proudly, "runneth over." -<>- >WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED? On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." -<>- o o | | . . ._._. _ .===. |` |` ..'\ /`.. |H| .--. .:' `:. //\-...-/|\ |- o -| |H|`. /||||\ || || ._.'//////,'|||`._. '`./|\.'` |\\||:. .'||||||`. `:. .:' ||||||||||||[ ]|||| /_T_\ |:`:.--'||||||||||`--..`=:='... jv >Variations On Murphy's Law 1. The Law of Common Sense: Never accept a drink from a urologist. 2. The Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. 3. The Law of Self Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. 4. The Law of Volunteering: If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. 5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. 6. The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. 7. Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look. 8. Wailer's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. 9. Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. 10. Law of Volunteer Labor: People are always available for work in the past tense. 11. Conway's Law: In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. 12. Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets. 13. Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There is always one more bug. 14. Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor. 15. Heeler's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. 16. Osborne's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't. 17. Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. 18. Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization. -<>- __ __ |. ||. | .| || ||| | | | W |: ||: | |'| [ ] ._____ | || | | | .--'| 3 .---"| |. |' _ | || |-. | | __ |. | /| _|__ | || |__ .-'| _| || | || '- | || \|// / | |' | | | |' |' | |.| || | || '-' -( )-| | | | | | | __| '-' ' '' ' "" ' J V | ` - |_' ' |__ ___ ' / \ \/ | Hilsen, Peer W Hansen-- >Bizarre Laws ---------------NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK ** It is illegal to shoot at a rabbit from a moving trolley. ** Flirting with a woman can earn a fine of $25. A second conviction is punishable by making the offender wear horse blinders in public. ** It's illegal to speak to a person while riding in an elevator and you must fold your hands while looking forward. **You must purchase a license to hang clothes on a clothesline. ** According to New York City statues the following means of making a living are illegal: skinning horses or cows, burning offal, growing ragweed and burning bones. ** Before enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets, approximately 40 million pounds of excrement were deposited on the streets every year. -<>- ( ) ) _.(--"("""--.._ /, _..-----).._,\ | `'''-----'''` | \ / '. .' jgs '--.....--' >AN APPOINTMENT FOR MOM A guy's wife and kids all came down with the flu. Upon returning home from the pediatrician's office with his four kids, he turned his attention to his ailing wife. After preparing some chicken soup for her, he picked up the phone to call her doctor. The receptionist picked up and he related the situation to her. She then told him that the office was going to be closed for a couple of days, but that his wife could have an appointment in 3 days. He went ballistic and yelled into the phone, "Three days?! The doctor can't see her for three days?! She could be dead by then!" Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you please call to cancel the appointment?" ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) World's Largest Holes http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holes.html Crop Circles 2009 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery2.html Lenticular Clouds Or UFO? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ufo.html Rules For US Civilians http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html Chinese Olympic Cuisine http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/olympic.html MacGyver - How To Do It 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver2.html -<>- >From Our Friend Jo Ann :) Soap Box http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf --- ...Great One! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Free Web - Site Builder ! http://v.fi.sl.pt/ Fix Your Songs http://v.fl.sl.pt/ User Contributed Plant Identification Database http://www.myplantid.com/ Daily Good News and Positive Stories http://xrl.in/2v1l whynottobuyamac.png http://tinyurl.com/2dfxrps --- ...Good Info! Thanks Wesley! Paul and I never have liked the Apple as well as the PC ever since we had to make that game on the Apple! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Hoppalas Turnen http://www.buffaloschips.com/gcfdrde.htm In God We Trust http://www.buffaloschips.com/azsxs.htm Interessant Eierschlange http://www.buffaloschips.com/awereew.htm You Know That Has To Hurt http://www.buffaloschips.com/aswsw.htm Javelin Live Fire VS T72 http://www.buffaloschips.com/axdxs.htm Boy Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/cfklejwi.htm Boy Girlfriend http://www.buffaloschips.com/eliafj.htm Brave Penguin http://www.buffaloschips.com/qjwfd.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "They say you think morals are pictures on walls and scruples is money in Russia." -- Julia Ormond as Sabrina Fairchild in "Sabbrina". "A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone." --Craig Kilborn "National Guard troops patrol the nation's airports wearing jungle camouflage uniforms and carrying rifles. Nevertheless, it's done nothing to hold down crime in airports. They're still charging $4 for a candy bar." --Argus Hamilton "Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded." --Tim Allen "With the kind of shape I'm in you could donate my body to science fiction!" -Rodney Dangerfield in BACK TO SCHOOL "Whoa man, is it a blazer out there! It's a good thing you got air conditioning in here like Mother Nature intended." --Cousin Eddie, "NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VEGAS VAACATION" "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie - Space- balls. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie - Police Academy." --Homer Simpson "For others who may not know this: When the preacher says, 'You may now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the groom." --David Gunter >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************