Dog At School, Beat The Heat And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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Group email address:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
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The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
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week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If
every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole
year! So Please - I need your help today!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
.-.
[.-''-.,
| //`~\)
(<| 0\0|>_
";\ _"/ \\_ _,
__\|'._/_ \ '='-,
/\ \ || )_///_\>>
( '._ T |\ | _/),-'
'. '._.-' /'/ |
| '._ _.'`-.._/
snd ,\ / '-' |/
[_/\-----j
_.--.__[_.--'_\__
/ `--' '---._
/ '---. -'. .' _.-- '.
\_ '--.___ _;.-o /
'.__ ___/______.__8----'
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
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EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP!
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PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press
This too hot to handle new page is from our friend Linda. It
is one to spark your interest and perhaps instincts. So, what
do you think? Be sure to check it and the video out here...
________
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d###P N####p
"^^" T####
d###P
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_gN##@P
gN###F"
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"NN@'
___
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To Leash Or Not To Leash?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leashkids.html
---
...Quite the puzzler! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
\\/),
,'.' /,
(_)- / /,
/\_/ |__..--, *
(\___/\ \ \ / ).'
\____/ / (_ //
\\_ ,'--'\_(
)_)_/ )_/ )_)
mrf (_(_.'(_.'(_.'
A Zebra arrives on a farm. The first animal she meets is a cow.
"Whats your job?" she asks.
"My job is to give milk," the cow replies.
The next animal she meets is a chicken. "Whats your job," she asks.
"My job is to lay eggs," the chicken answers.
The third animal she meets is a stallion. "Whats your job?" she asks.
The stallion replies, "Just take off those stripy pajamas and I'll
show you."
-<>-
>New drugs on the market
St. Mom's Wort – Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen – Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as
teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Peptobimbo – Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases
intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol – When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
I.Q. causing attraction for loud obnoxious drunks at the bar.
Flipitor – Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics – When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
July 15 is Be a Dork Day, Cow Appreciation Day and Tapioca Pudding
Day
July 16 is Fresh Spinach Day and World Snake Day
July 17 is National Hot Dog Day, Peach Ice Cream Day, World Emoji
Day and Yellow Pig Day
July 18 is National Caviar Day- something's fishy here
July 19 is National Daiquiri Day and National Raspberry Cake Day
July 20 is National Ice Cream Soda Day, National Lollipop Day,
Moon Day and Ugly Truck Day- it's a "guy" thing
July 21 is National Ice Cream Day and National Junk Food Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
( ,&&&.
) .,.&&
( ( \=__/
) ,'-'.
( ( ,, _.__|/ /|
) /\ -((------((_|___/ |
( // | (`' (( `'--|
_ -.;_/ \\--._ \\ \-._/.
(_;-// | \ \-'.\ <_,\_\`--'|
( `.__ _ ___,') <_,-'__,'
jrei `'(_ )_)(_)_)'
>Camping Tips
Q. What equipment will I need to go camping?
A. You need a tent. Tent sizes are measured in units of men, as in "a
three-man tent"; this tells you how many men are required to erect
the tent if they are all professional tent engineers. Even then, the
tent will collapse under unusual weather conditions, such as
nightfall. You will also need a hatchet, for the spiders, and a
credit card, for the motel.
Q. Where should I go camping?
A. The United States has a spectacular national park system with
millions of unspoiled acres where wildlife is protected by federal
laws. Avoid these places. You want a commercial facility with a name
like "The Stop 'n' Squat Kountry Kamp-ground," where large animals
cannot fit through the 6-inch gaps between the Winnebagos.
Q. How much food should I take?
A. A lot. You'll be providing food not only for your family, but also
for the entire raccoon community. When I was a boy in rural Armonk,
our garbage cans were regularly terrorized by a gang of brilliant
criminal raccoons. I recall being awakened at 3 a.m. by loud noises
and looking out the window to see, by moonlight, my father, a
peace-loving Presbyterian minister, charging around in the bushes,
wildly swinging a baseball bat and saying non-Presbyterian words.
Of course, he did not get the raccoons; you NEVER get the raccoons.
Q. What if I get lost?
A. If you don't have a compass, stand very still and listen very
carefully, until you hear this sound: "eh-eh-eh." That is Canada.
-<>-
>Hamster Care
After buying her kids a pet hamster and after they PROMISED they
would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you
think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"
-<>-
>Car Entertainment
In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in
popularity of sport-utility vehicles and mini-vans. This has created
a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers
occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy.
One day, as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play
videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked
matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"
-<>-
>Painting Selection
At an art gallery, a woman and her 10-year-old son were having a
tough time choosing between two paintings. They finally chose one
that an autumn theme.
"I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one," said
the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the
mother-son interaction.
"No," said the boy. "This painting is wider, so it'll cover the three
holes I put in the wall."
-<>-
>Interim School Superintendent
An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA
luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them
about problems. He told them, "You can call day or night, at this
number (gives phone number)."
Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he
exclaimed,"that's MY number!"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
__.------.
(__ ___ )
.)e )\ /
/_.------
_/_ _/
__.' / ' `-.__
/ <.--' `\
/ \ \c |
/ / ) GoT x \
| /\ |c / \.- \
\__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\
/ _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<>
/ /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`.
\/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\
/ `. / ) `\
\ \ \___/----'
| / `(
___________ \ ./\_ _ \
______________ / | ) '|
__________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f
/ | |____.)
/ \ a88a\___/88888a.
\_ :)8888888888888888888a.
/` `-----' `Y88888888888888888
\____| `88888888888P'
>SMILES
This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down
with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all
alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture.
So, she holds up a hand and says, "ACTS 2:38!!!" The burglar quakes
in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the
phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar
is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman
alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady, "How
did you do this?" The woman replied, "I quoted scripture." The cop
turned the burglar, "What was it about the scripture that had such
an effect on you?" The burglar replied, "Scripture! What scripture?
I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's."
----------
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and
pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in
the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, 'Laura,
honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to
get suspicious.' 'No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post,' she
assured him. 'Besides, we've been fooling around for six months now
and he doesn't suspect a thing.' 'True,' agreed the dentist, 'but
you're down to only one tooth!'?
----------
Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their
husbands for a long time.
Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her
attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day." replies Jamie.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
-------
__
/\/'-,
,--''''' /"
____,'. ) \___
'"""""------'"""`-----'
pb
>DOG AT SCHOOL
A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a fourth
grader at a public elementary school.
However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building
and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a teacher
noticed and shooed him outside, closing the door behind him.
The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors.
Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said,
'Don't feel bad fella... they won't let ME in either'.
-------
>Thoughts
1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.
5. Do you think illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet
soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more
specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you,
but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but
anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles
a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock
every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there
picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of
mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK,
then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if
you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your
laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they
tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my
wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the walls.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket
and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I
said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to
kill you too."
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter
Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and
the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
---
...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
. ( )
' . ( ( )
,___________.
| _________ |
|| ,### ||
|| ####' %||
|| ##` #||
|| :### # ||
|| '####/ ||
|| ##` ||
|| ###; ||
||-_-_-_-_-||
|| '###; ||
|| '6#' ||
|| ;#' ||
|| ;#`#; ||
|| #!' # ||
||%____#___||
|___________|
Taliszanna
Don't throw away your old shower curtains! They make great
covers for outdoor items in the winter (such as chairs,
patio tables, grills, etc.), and they are invaluable as drop
cloths.
---
...Speaking of covers, don't throw away those old used sheets.
They make great covers for garage items or anything else you
want to keep from getting dusty or dirty.
Speaking of showers, do you know that you can use hair
conditioner instead of shaving cream? If you are a lady who
shaves her legs and under arms in the shower you can save a
lot of money just by buying a cheap bottle of conditioner
(usually not much more than a buck) to shave with instead
of expensive shaving creams or gels. It leaves your legs
and under arms smooth and silky.
-<>-
>Beat the heat this summer...
* Wear cotton nightclothes and use cotton bedsheets.
The simplest solutions are the best. Other fabrics like
satin, silk and polyester won't help cool you down when
it's too hot to sleep. Cotton is lightweight and allows
for air circulation, making it the perfect fabric for
bedding and nightwear.
* Use a hot water bottle.
Just as you can fill it with boiling water to keep you toasty
during winter, you can fill it with water and stick it in the
freezer. Use as a cooling ice pack at the foot of your bed.
* Stay hydrated
Keep a glass of water by your bedside table. It sounds
simple, but staying hydrated can really help cool you down
during balmy nights.
* Have a cool shower
Reduce your core temperature before you hop into bed with
a cool or cold shower. You'd be surprised how well this
works.
* Use fans
I use my ceiling fan in the bedroom on the slowest setting.
It doesn't take much circulation to make your skin feel cool
and keep the air currents moving throughout your house.
When it gets hot and muggy outside, your home air conditioning
system can really run up your energy bills unless you adopt
a few smart energy-saving habits.
Keep your vents clear. Your air conditioner can't work
efficiently if your vents are blocked by rugs or furniture.
Check all of your vents to make sure they're open, free of
dust and directing air toward the center of the room.
Block out the sun. Keeping the shades or blinds drawn on
sun-facing windows is essential to keeping your home cool.
It's hot enough outside, and firing up your oven won't
make your air conditioner's job any easier. Outdoor
grilling and microwave cooking are two ways to prepare
food without generating extra heat.
Curb daytime use of other big appliances. Some
appliances - dryers and dishwashers in particular - can
also put out a good deal of unwanted heat. Wait until
after dark to run these and other large appliances.
-<>-
'Go Green' Hint:
Have you ever blown cash to buy chemical fertilizer for
your garden or your house plants? Of course you have.
However, you can save yourself the cash, save yourself
the chemicals and save a little fresh water, not to
mention the perfect fertilizer, from being poured down
the drain.
A lot of water that goes down the drain can be used to
water plants. Water that you use to steam vegetables,
cook potatoes, corn or boil eggs can be reused to water
your plants. All of those nutrients leeched from your
veggies go right back into the soil. The plants love it!
Just make sure there is no oil or salt in the water. Also,
when you clean out your aquarium you can use that water
to water your plants. Great for the soil.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
President Trump Delivers Remarks on Supporting the Passage of the
US-Mexico-Canada Agreement
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuJFwyRMkCY
President Trump Delivers Remarks on Citizenship and the Census
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3gxPVjQ8v0
President Trump Hosts the 3rd Annual Made in America Product Showcase
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJs0o6LGWt8
President Trump Hosts A Social Media Summit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csW1ZyQ_Ilg
President Trump slams tech companies for bias
https://tinyurl.com/y2pwk325
Trump Officially Issues Executive Order to Tally Citizens Through
the Commerce Department -Washington Examiner
https://tinyurl.com/y5ctv9fk
Trump Effort to Tackle Kidney Disease Could Have Big Impact on
Georgia -The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
https://tinyurl.com/y6p5b79q
Cultural Terrorists Attack Real History - SurvivalUpdate:
https://tinyurl.com/yywm7frh
VIDEO: Trump Gives Ocasio-Cortez MAJOR Reality Check
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-16tumj-k6duyr-b61d11g9/
Ex-ICE Director DESTROYS Ocasio-Cortez, Leaves Her SPEECHLESS
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-16tumj-k6duyu-b61d11g2/
CNN Accuses Trump, then falls on its face
Here is the truth the media isn't willing to show...
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-16tumj-k6duyx-b61d11g5/
Bone Chilling Discovery At Epstein Island
Is Clinton is trouble with all this evidence? …
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-16tumj-k6duz1-b61d11g5/
Home Depot Co-Founder has the Last Laugh, Liberals Cry
This just further proves Democrats blame everyone but themselves...
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-16tumj-k6duz4-b61d11g8/
Bombshell Video REFUTES Claim Trump Forced Kiss on Campaign Staffer
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-16qzk0-k636u0-b61d11g9/
Westwing News:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Beef, Meal Bars, Smoke Alarms, Toys
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert: Flour Contaminated with E. Coli May Still
Be in Your Home
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Improvise, adapt and over come. That's what you have to do
when you're faced with a challenge you are not equipped to
deal with. Say you have a big inflatable pool that you have
to get home, but all you have to transport it is a little,
4-door Audi? Do you give up? Abandon it? Not if you're the
woman in today's story. AND you have a couple of kids to
act as ballast.
According police in Dixon, IL officers were alerted and
later observed an Audi Q5 driving west on Illinois Route 2
with a "blue inflatable pool on the roof with two juveniles
inside of the pool."
Officers made contact with the driver, 49-year-old Jennifer
A. Janus Yeager, who said she had her daughters ride inside
of the empty pool to "hold it down on their drive home."
Police learned Yeager drove into town to inflate the pool
at a friends' house.
Yeager was arrested and charged with two counts of
Endangering the Health or Life of a Child and two counts
of Reckless Conduct. Police said she was also cited for
failure to secure a passenger of the age of 8 and under
the age of 16. She was transported to the Dixon Police
Department where she was processed and released after
posting bond.
It was not reported whether she finally got the pool home
or not.
-<>-
You can blame it on Sir Mix-a-Lot if you want to, but
plastic surgery is an obsession with many women who want
bigger, better, lips, breasts and, in the case of this
unfortunate victim, bottom.
Apryl Brown says an acquaintance was offering silicone
butt injections at her house, at a cheaper price than a
doctor's office. However, the real cost would come later.
"I was in pain, my bottom was hard, and I was itching,"
Brown said.
It turned out to be a life-threatening staph infection.
When doctors removed the silicone, they found it was
bathroom caulk, the same stuff you can buy at Home Depot.
And it wouldn't be the first time a woman regretted
taking caulk in her bottom.
Brown needed 27 surgeries, and she lost her hands and
feet to the infection. At one point, she thought she was
going to die.
Apryl Brown has learned to walk and write using
prosthetics. She says her goal is to educate others so
they don't make the same mistake as she did.
"All I would ask them to do is, when they have that first
thought, make sure they have a second thought about it
and do a little research," Brown said. "They won't be
blind-sided, and they won't be saying 'oh my gosh I had no
idea that a simple procedure like that can leave me with
no hands, no feet and no bottom cheeks.'"
*--- American Gored Trying to Get a Selfie ---*
The desire to have a selfie as a souvenir from running with
the bulls in Spain turned into a near-death experience an
American lawyer says he'll never forget. A charging bull
ran over and gored San Francisco resident Jaime Alvarez in
the neck during the first run of this year's San Fermin
festival in Pamplona. "The joy and the excitement of being
in the bullring quickly turned into a scare, into real fear
for my life," Alvarez, 46, said at a regional hospital where
he was recovering from surgery. Doctors told Alvarez the
bull's horn went deep into his neck and fractured part of
a cheekbone. That it didn't hit the jugular vein or major
arteries was described to the injured patient as "beyond
miraculous." Alvarez said he climbed onto a fence for safety
and only returned to the arena to shoot a short video when
he thought that the danger had passed. He wanted "a 5-second
video scene to say 'Here I am, I did it.'" That's when the
stray bull came at him running fast. "The impact was unlike
anything I've ever felt. It was like being hit by a car or a
truck," Alvarez said. The selfie, on the other hand, turned
out fantastic.
*--- One Way Or Another, Somebody's Getting Stabbed ---*
After her boyfriend said he was too tired to make love, a
Florida Woman allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and slashed
him multiple times on the arm and shoulder, according to a
criminal complaint. A sheriff's deputy reported that Jennifer
Lee Chapman, 37, and the 36-year-old victim "got into a
verbal argument over defendant wanting to make love and the
victim did not because he was too tired." After Chapman
grabbed a knife and cut her arm, the couple began grappling
on the kitchen floor. When they briefly separated, Chapman
allegedly "cut victim's left arm and shoulder area multiple
times." She also head-butted and punched her boyfriend in
the face, police report. Chapman was arrested in connection
with the incident. She was charged with aggravated battery.
Chapman is also facing a probation violation charge in
connection with her guilty plea last year for illegally
possessing marijuana, crystal meth, and the antidepressant
Xanax.
*--- We Always Knew Chicago Was Full of Rats ---*
U.S. Customs and Border Protection said it confiscated
32 pounds of rat meat from a passenger arriving at Chicago
O'Hare International Airport from the Ivory Coast. Steve
Bansbach, a spokesman for Chicago's CPB office, said the
passenger told officials he was carrying the prohibited
food. "He declared it," Bansbach reported. "He claimed he
had meat during inspection. We found that, yes, he had
African rat meat -- 32 pounds of it." The meat was
confiscated and destroyed. Bansbach said the main concern
with imported meats is that it may introduce African swine
fever into the United States. The passenger was not fined.
*--- Is Your Wife Always on Your Back? ---*
Vytatutas Kirkliauskas, with his wife Neringa, traversed a
muddy course and won the annual wife-carrying championships
in Finland on Saturday. It was the second consecutive
victory for the Lithuanian couple in the international
event, held for the 31st time in Sonkajarvi, Finland. They
ran an 830-foot obstacle course, walking in mud and crossing
waist-high water and wooden barriers in one minute and 6.72
seconds. First prize is the wife's weight in beer.
Contestants from a dozen countries took part in the event,
inspired by a Finnish folk legend involving the kidnapping
of women by pillagers. National competitions occur in the
United States, Australia, Poland and England, with China
organizing an event in 2020. In 2018, a Maine couple, Jesse
Wall and Christine Arsenault, won 12 cases of beer at the
North American Wife Carrying Championship in Newry, Maine.
=========================================================
>-->From SurvivalUpdate:
____
___|=--=/
\=--=| :(___.--.
.--.___): { __ ' )
( ` __ )= ""----'Ahas
'----"" ===='
>The Wonders of Duct Tape:
When you walk for a long distance, it's common to get blisters
on your feet. If you don't take care of these blisters as soon
as possible, they will prevent you from covering distance. If
the blister has already been formed, just punctured to relieve
the fluid buildup. If you sense that a blister may be forming,
use a small piece of duct tape to prevent it.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
,
"\",
"=\=",
"=\=",
"=\=",
"-\-"
\
ldb `
>Think About It
Feathers are light.
The sun gives off light.
Therefore, the sun gives off feathers.
-<>-
>Where Were You Born?
Insurance clerk: "Where were you born, Sir?"
Man: "In the United States."
Insurance clerk: "OK, and which part?"
Man: "Uh, my entire body."
-<>-
>That Old Vase
A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle's house.
The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: "Do you even
know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!"
The boy sagged in relief: "Oh, good that it wasn't new."
-<>-
,w.
,YWMMw ,M ,
_.---.._ __..---._.'MMMMMw,wMWmW,
_.-"" """ YP"WMMMMMMMMMb,
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_, .'.-'"; `, /` .--"" :MMM[==MWMW^;
,mM^" ,-'.' / ; ; / , MMMMb_wMW" @\
,MM:. .'.-' .' ; `\ ; `, MMMMMMMW `"=./`-,
WMMm__,-'.' / _.\ F"""-+,, ;_,_.dMMMMMMMM[,_ / `=_}
"^MP__.-' ,-' _.--"" `-, ; \ ; ;MMMMMMMMMMW^``; __|
/ .' ; ; ) )`{ \ `"^W^`, \ :
/ .' / ( .' / Ww._ `. `"
/ Y, `, `-,=,_{ ; MMMP`""-, `-._.-,
fsc (--, ) `,_ / `) \/"") ^" `-, -;"\:
`""" `""" `"' `---"
>Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
A hungry lion came across two men. One was sitting under a
tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his
typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book
and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and
writers cramp.
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: Why did the bacon laugh?
A: Because the egg cracked a yolk!
Q: Why should bowling alleys be quiet?
A: So you can hear a pin drop!
Q: What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
A: No thanks, I'm stuffed!
Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.
_,,,_ _
/////\\ _ |\ | \|\ _
// e e \\ / `|~\|_/|~\|_) _
(" > ") _ \_, |_)|_)
\\.=-=.// \/ ) _ |\ / | \|\
\--\\\7///--/ /\/ _ |_)|~\ |~\
/`--`"""`--'\/ / |_)| \
/ : \ / |\ |_)
\ '-.,_ `-' |~\
`-._/__)======_____,
jgs ((=====))
_ |`"""`| _//
`\,_('> |= | (')
\~_) |= | ( '-.
-'= `-...-` _/-_(_)o
Q: What do you call a magic dog?
A: A labracadabrador.
Q: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_.._..,_,_
( )
]~,"-.-~~[
.=])' (; ([
| ]:: ' [
'=]): .) ([
|:: ' |
~~----~~
Paul Martin Howard
The party's host paid me a great compliment. "You are a good-
looking woman," he said. "Honest--I've had only one beer."
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected,
"Imagine how great she'll look after two."
-<>-
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of
jeans that was too tight.
"Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked.
"Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings."
-<>-
A wife asked her husband, "Honey, could you please run to
the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs,
get a dozen."
A while later the husband returned with a case of quart
milk cartons.
Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife
asked, "Why the heck did you buy so much milk?"
Her husband said, "They had eggs."
-<>-
I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at
engineering university. I used to work repairing construction
equipment.
One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had
some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts
had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating
the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this,
one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along.
He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that
if I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its
grip on the bolt so I could then remove it.
"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said,
"that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."
There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I
always wondered about that," he said.
-<>-
________________
_/_______________/|
/___________/___//||
|=== |----| ||
| | ô| ||
|___________| ô| ||
| ||/.´---.|| | ||
|-||/_____\||-. | |´
|_||=L==H==||_|__|/ Jan Foerster
Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in
a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I
took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself
was actually quite small, but they made the packaging
unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make
the customer feel better about the high price.
I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight
gain over the years of our marriage should have the same
effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me
harder for other women to steal.
She's still laughing.
-<>-
----- -----
1 | H | |He |
|---+---- --------------------+---|
2 |Li |Be | | B | C | N | O | F |Ne |
|---+---| |---+---+---+---+---+---|
3 |Na |Mg |3B 4B 5B 6B 7B | 8B |1B 2B |Al |Si | P | S |Cl |Ar |
|---+---+---------------------------------------+---+---+---+---+---+---|
4 | K |Ca |Sc |Ti | V |Cr |Mn |Fe |Co |Ni |Cu |Zn |Ga |Ge |As |Se |Br |Kr |
|---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---|
5 |Rb |Sr | Y |Zr |Nb |Mo |Tc |Ru |Rh |Pd |Ag |Cd |In |Sn |Sb |Te | I |Xe |
|---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---|
6 |Cs |Ba |LAN|Hf |Ta | W |Re |Os |Ir |Pt |Au |Hg |Tl |Pb |Bi |Po |At |Rn |
|---+---+---+------------------------------------------------------------
7 |Fr |Ra |ACT|
-------------
-------------------------------------------------------------
Lanthanide |La |Ce |Pr |Nd |Pm |Sm |Eu |Gd |Tb |Dy |Ho |Er |Tm |Yb |Lu |
|---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---+---|
Actinide |Ac |Th |Pa | U |Np |Pu |Am |Cm |Bk |Cf |Es |Fm |Md |No |Lw |
-------------------------------------------------------------
>Physics 101
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:
1 Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling:
1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University
Hospital: 1 I.V. League
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
.'\ _.-'`-. _ _ _ _
\'\.-< _.-'| | | _ _ _ _ __| |_ | | __ _ __| |_ _
_.-\.`'_)-' | | | |_| || | ' \/ _| ' \| |__/ _` / _` | || |
_.-' (_.-' | | |____\_,_|_||_\__|_||_|____\__,_\__,_|\_, |
.-' _.-' | | .---. |__/
|`-.-' | | / \
| | | | J L
| | | | | |
| | | | | |
| | | | `-.___.-'
| | | | | |
| | _| | | |
| | _.-' `-.| | |
| | _.-' _.-'|-._ | |
| | _.-' _.=''_ )|_ `-._| |
__| |-' _.-' /' ` ' `\ `-._ |_____________________________
_/| | _.='' | | `-. |_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_
/_`-.|.-' _.-"._\ / _.-'| |/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_/_/_|`-._ _.-' `-.'-'`-.__.-' | |_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_
/_/_/| `-._ _> _.-' | -) | |/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_/_/_| `-._ _.-'_|-' | | | | | |-'_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_
/_/_/| `-.-' |_.-' / / |/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_/_/_| | (-| _.-'_/-'/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_
/_/_/_`-._ | | \_.-'_.-'_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_/_/_/_/_/`-._ | \__.-'/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_`-._ | _.-'_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/`-|-'/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_
/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
>The Ladies at Lunch
Mary: Do you watch that new show, "Survivor"?
Jill: Yes, and I think it would be an excellent way to choose
the next president. Put 'em on the island, and the one who makes
it gets the job!
-<>-
Q: Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively
to lawyers?
A: It's called "Sosumi."
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and
New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
A: New Jersey got first choice.
-<>-
Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered
over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was
up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and
I've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't
it Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, and then replied, "That's
because he's still inside your stupid cat."
-<>-
A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?"
The reply was, "Washington, DC"
On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
-<>-
__)),
//_ _)
( "\"
\_-/
,---/ '---.
/ - - \
/ \_. _|__,/ \
/ )\ )\_ \
/ _/ ( ' ) / /
/ | (_____) | /
/,' / \/ /,
_/(_ ( ._, )-'
`--,/ |____|__|
| ) |
| / |
| / \ |
/ `| | _)
| | | |
| / \ |
| | \ |
| \ | \_
gnv /__( '-._`,
>Because I am Man!
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with
a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a
road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used
to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never
get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries
at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find
exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu" For all I know these are the
same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick
up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to
put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss
a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive
by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I
don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen
to a complete Stranger - I mean, how could he know where we're
going?
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The answer is always either making love, racing or sports,
though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's
Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up
something for my Mom too!!
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair
of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair
is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2019, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, sweeping, dusting, the gardening, the cleaning, and the
dishes. I'll do all the rest.
-<>-
_
\`*-.
) _`-.
. : `. .
: _ ' \
; *` _. `*-._
`-.-' `-.
; ` `.
:. . \
. \ . : .-' .
' `+.; ; ' :
: ' | ; ;-.
; ' : :`-: _.`* ;
[bug] .*' / .*' ; .*`- +' `*'
`*-* `*-* `*-*'
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter
top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lie on the floor in such a position to obstruct the
maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and
ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for
her to do something.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good
reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of
a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of
the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position
as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as
possible for the cat.
-<>-
,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___
((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __
() \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|--
((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt
>SCREAM OF THE CROP FRACTURED SONG LYRICS Column
From Milton S. Flindall:
"Beatles' Across the Universe: Jai guru deva. Misheard them as:
John grew a K-Mart. " I thought that line was "tigeroo david" -
couldn't figure out who david was.
***
From David E. Tanner:
My Grandfather used to tell of the little girl who named her stuffed
teddy bear "Gladly." When asked why, she said that it was from Sunday
School... when they sang the hymn "Gladly my cross-eyed bear."
(BTW, this is the title of one of the prolific author Ed McBain's
books.)
He also told about the Mexican visiting Yankee Stadium for a ball
game. He was very flattered when everyone kindly stood up and asked:
"Jose' can you see?" just before the game started.
***
From Wachadun:
The Beatle's "Paperback Writer" sounds like "Pay For That Chrysler!!!"
***
From mbdog7cat4:
When my daughter was preschool age, she loved the Disney movie "The
Little Mermaid." In the song "Part of Your World," there is a line
that goes "bright young women, sick of swimmin'." I cracked up when
I heard her singing. "Pregnant women, sick of swimmin', ready to
fly."
She has always loved to sing. Even at 18 months, she was singing,
"Frosty the Snowman" as "with a corncob pipe, and a button nose,
and 2 eyes made out of COLD." (instead of COAL)
***
From S.R.P.:
My grandmother told me about a little boy who was singing the Kenny
Roger's song "Lucille." Instead of singing the lyrics "...four
hungry children and crops in the field," he was singing "....four
HUNDRED children PROPPED in the field."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
Montreal Mosaicultures Show 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montrealshow2.html
SubTropolis: Underground Park
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/subtropolisup.html
Big Boy Toys!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html
Moses Bridge!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html
Brilliant Logos!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/logos.html
Fighter Aircraft!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fighteraircraft.html
Canyon Skywalk!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skywalk.html
Statue Of Liberty!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/statueofliberty.html
Road Train Trucks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html
Willis (Sears) Tower!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html
Cat Spot Tips!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catspots.html
Cat Owner Tips!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html
Wieliczka Salt Mine!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltmine.html
Amazing Trivia Facts!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts.html
SUMMER INDEX!-
http://www.shangralas.com/
-<>-
Reacting To INSANE COMMERCIALS VS. REAL LIFE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX1aNcsUCiE
Bird madly in Love with Cat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZzEuH9QOL8
Pampers - Pooface commercial
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeuK8YePo-M
10 Common Products Made Awesome
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgvqxRqZybw
10 Products That Come to Life When You Add Water
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3tdqQR8j28
Life Riddles You Must Solve To Stay Alive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK4fQTA2Eps
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Take a break from your day and see some adorable and unusual animals
as well as more cool and interesting videos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geCrjJvxKVk
To succeed against the powerful car lobby in 1901, Henry Ford
challenges the champion driver Alexander Winton to the famous "Race
That Changed the World."
https://youtu.be/33Fll_-6i_M
---
...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for
the C+ she got in a class. She said, 'I'm suing whoever's
responsible for this!' And her professor said, 'Don't you
mean WHOMEVER?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car
crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see
what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles-an-hour."
-Conan O'Brien
"A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-
called 'New Yorker milkshake' which comes topped with
whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the
next topping you'll get is a coffin lid." -Seth Meyers
"A rare fish normally found only in the Amazon was caught
yesterday in a New Jersey pond. Researchers believe the
fish got to New Jersey the same way as everyone else: by
giving up." -Seth Meyers
"Facebook has just added a new tool for finding help during
disasters. Unfortunately, then Facebook shows you photos
of your friends having a much better time during their
disasters." -Conan O'Brien
"A new study found that most people cant go 10 minutes
without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody
knows what to believe." -Jimmy Fallon
"A company in New York City has opened what some are
calling a nonalcoholic cocktail bar that creates drinks
using lemons and herbal ingredients instead of alcohol.
And this is cool - they're using empty chairs instead of
customers." -Seth Meyers
"On Monday in Vermont, a barrel of maple syrup fell off
a truck and spilled all over the highway. Luckily, it
broad-sided a French toast truck." -Conan O'Brien
"The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work
out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the
two things Americans love most - waiting in airports and
exercise." -Jimmy Fallon
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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