Dogs, Roosters And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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Group email address:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
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week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While
the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site
down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
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EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP!
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PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
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OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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AND For Google Plus Users:
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https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first smoking hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu and
Geniann. It is sure to tickle your funny bone and bring you some
smiles for your day. Be sure to check it out here:
_________________
|.---------------.|
|| ||
|| SILLY SIGNS ||
|| ~~~~~~~~~~~ ||
||_______________||
'-------. .-------'
| | _|/
| | ." ".
| | /(O)-(O)\
/_)|| / |
|_)|| '- |
\_)|\ '.___.' / |\/|_
| | \ \_/ / _| '/
|_|\ '.___.' \ ) /
\ \_/\__/\__ |==|
\ \ /\ /\ `\ | |
\ \\// \| |
`\ /\ | / |
jgs ; || |\____/
| || |
Humorous Signs 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns4.html
---
...HaHaHa! Love these! Thanks Ladies!
Our next super hot new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseAu!
Some of these will make you take a double take! Lots of fun ones
here! Be sure to check this out here...
________________________
| ____ |
| | | _| _. |
| | | |_| | | |
| | | _ _ |
| __| |__ |_| |_| .-| |
| \ / | ' ~ |
| \ / _ _ |
| \ / `-. | |_| _|_ |
| \/ ~ + | | |
|________________________|
Cool Optical Illusions 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/optical3.html
---
...That mirror one sure got me and I love the last one! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
,--.
_/ <`-'
,-.' \--\_
((`-.__\ )
\`' @ (_
( (_)
,'`-._(`-._/
,-' )&&) ))
,-' /&&&%-'
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( | |' \ `--.
(%--'\ ,--.\ `-.`-._)))
`---'`-/__)))`-._))) hjw
>How to Photograph a New Puppy
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say,
"No,outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and
"stay" the first thing in the morning.
-<>-
.-. \_/ .-.
\.-\/=\/.-/
'-./___|=|___\.-'
.--| \|/`"`\|/ |--.
(((_)\ .---. /(_)))
`\ \_`-. .-'_/ /`_
'.__ __.'(_))
/ \ //
| |__.'/
\ /--'`
jgs .--,-' .--. '----.
'----`--' '--`----'
>PC Ways to say someone is stupid
1. Light's on but nobody is home.
2. A brick shy of a full load.
3. Doesn't have all of their dogs barking.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box.
5. Not the sharpest knife in the draw.
6. A few clowns short of a circus.
7. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
8. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
9. A few beers short of a six-pack.
10. Dumber than a box of hair.
11. A few peas short of a casserole.
12. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
13. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
14. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
15. One taco short of a combination plate.
16. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
17. All foam, no beer.
18. The cheese slid off his cracker.
19. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
20. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
21. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
22. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
23. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
24. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
25. As smart as bait.
26. Chimney's clogged.
27. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
28. Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
29. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
30. Forgot to pay his brain bill.
31. Her sewing machine's out of thread.
32. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
33. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
34. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
35. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
36. No grain in the silo.
37. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
38. Receiver is off the hook.
39. Several nuts short of a full pouch.
40. Skylight leaks a little.
41. Slinky's kinked.
42. Surfing in Nebraska.
43. Too much yardage between the goal posts.
44. In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little farther
apart than most.
45. As bright as a 1/2 watt bulb.
46. As swift as roadkill rabbit.
47. As sharp as a butter knife.
48. As swift as a sailboat on a calm day.
49. As bright as a bag of hammers.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 27 is Global Forgiveness Day and Just Because Day
August 28 is Race Your Mouse Day
August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 30 is Frankenstein Day and Toasted Marshmallow Day
August 31 is National Eat Outside Day and National Trail Mix Day
September 1 is Emma M. Nutt Day, the first woman telephone operator
and National Cherry Popover Day
September 2 is Internaional Bacon Day and VJ Day, WWII
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
.--.
/ \
## a a _
( '._) |_|
|'-- | | |
_.\___/_ ___|_|___
."\> \Y/|<'. '._.-'
/ \ \_\/ / '-' /
| --'\_/|/ | _/
|___.-' | |`'`
| | |
| / './
/__./` | |
\ | |
\ | |
; | |
/ | |
jgs |___\_.\_
`-"--'---'
>Air Conditioning
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant;
first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he
was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold,
and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and
never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why
didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have
an air conditioner."
-<>-
>Rambunctious Threesome
My twins were born when my oldest boy was just 16 months old. When
the twins became toddlers, my brood had grown into a rambunctious
threesome, and I relied on my mother for advice and moral support. One
morning I phoned her to describe how one of the twins had decorated
the living and dining room walls with colorful, indelible felt
markers. "I'll have to paint everything," I wailed. "I'll never be
able to scrub this off!"
Quietly, Mom said, "When you did it, you used lipstick."
-<>-
>Son in College
Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.
One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"
"Two days ago."
"Hmm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll
be an engineer."
"What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"
"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."
"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"
"He's taking every penny I make."
"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"
"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."
"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"
"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him!"
-<>-
>In the Health Food Store
A well-dressed man approached a woman at a health food store and in a
clipped British accent asked her exactly what she did with the tofu
in her basket.
She said she normally puts it in the refrigerator, looks at it for
several weeks and then throws it away.
The man replied, "That's exactly what my wife does with it. I was
hoping you had a better recipe."
-<>-
>Fill in the Blank
My friend reviewed her young son's fill-in-the-blank homework.
One line: "At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____."
His response: "Receipts."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
.-''-.
( \ )
( .----. )
( )'/ '( )
`\ -- /`
`)(`
/`\/`\
/ \
/ \_/\_/ \
\ \ / /
\/\ /\/
))) (((
| |
| |
|_____|
\ | /
jgs )|(
/-T-\
(_/`\_)
>Smiles
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in
Miami.
They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years,
chatting and enjoying each others friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says,
"Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all
these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just
can't."
The older friend stares at her, says nothing for two full minutes and
finally says, "How soon do you have to know?"
----------
Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a
memento of some sort inside.
Yes, says Sally, a memorial lock of my husbands hair.
But Larrys still alive.
I know, but his hair is gone.
----------
A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some
distance one of the engines broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train
came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the
passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following
announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad
news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for
some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."
----------
On a Sunday morning mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and tells
him it's time to get up and go to church.
"I'm not going to church this morning," the son says.
"You gotta get up and go to church", says mother.
"No, I'm not." says the son.
"Yes you are", says the mother.
"No, I'm not, they don't like me and I don't like them." says the son.
"Give me two good reasons why I have to go," says the son.
"Number one, you're 55 years old and number two, you're the pastor!"
----------
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window.
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip
light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the
pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
----------
A rabbit and a snake were both injured in a California earthquake. The
impact caused both to become blind and to lose their memories. In an
attempt to find out who they each were, they decided to feel each other.
First, the snake felt the rabbit.
"Well, you are fuzzy and warm. You have a round cottony tail and two
long ears."
"Hooray!" exclaimed the rabbit, "I must be a bunny."
Next the blind rabbit felt the snake. He was thoughtful for a moment.
"Let's see--you are long, cold and slimy and you have a little forked
tongue."
The snake wailed, "Oh no! I must be a politician."
----------
_|/
." ".
__ /(o)-(o)\
/_)|| / |
|_)|| '- |
\_)|| '.___.' / |\/|_
| / \ \_/ / _| '/
|--\ '.___.' \ ) /
\ \_/\__/\__ |==|
\ \ /\ /\ `\ | |
\ \\// \| |
`\ /\ | / |
jgs ; || |\____/
| || |
>Kentucky
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call
the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at
the front desk says, "Go ahead.
A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to
the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"
A Kentuckian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door,
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house
is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Shucks,
don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"
Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.
---
...LOL! Too funny! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
_ ;-.-._
.-" "-. \. _{
/ \ / o )_
; | ; ,__(_<`
| / | \()
| /`\ ( | ;
\ \ | '-..-'; |\
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\ '. '-' |
\ '=. /
'. / .'
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jgs | / `. |
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`" `--
>-->Foghorn Leghorn Quotes And Sayings:
Foghorn Leghorn is a Rooster looking character from the Looney Tunes
and Merrie Melodies cartoons for Warner Bros. Pictures. Characterized
as a stereotypical Southern accent with a good ol boy speaking style,
here are some hilarious Foghorn Leghorn sayings and quotes from the
show.
* Any of this getting through that little old blue bonnet of yours.
* Boys gotta mouth like a cannon, always shootin it off
* Course you know this means war.
* Dont, I say dont bother me dog, cant ya see Im thinkin
* For-I say fortunately I always carry a spare set of feathers
* Fortunately I always carry a spare set of feathers.
* Gal reminds me of the highway between Forth Worth and Dallas no
curves.
* Hes so dumb he thinks a Mexican border pays rent
* Hes about as sharp as a bowling ball.
* I say that dog is lower than a snake full of buckshot.
* I say, boy, pay attention when Im talkin to ya, boy
* Kid dont quit talkin so much hell get his tongue sunburned
* Looks like the boy genius is tryin to show me up.
* Nice boy but hes got more nerve than a bum tooth
* Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
* Now I wonder what ol busy body widow hen is up to
* Now let me know when I come to something that interests you.
* Now looka, I say looka here.
* Oh, that woman, got a mouth like an outboard motor
* Pay attention to me boy! Im not just talkin to hear my head roar
* Pay attention, boy, Im cuttin but you aint bleedin!
* Say boy, you cover about as much as a flappers skirt in a high wind
* Scared who me course Im not squared.
* Smart boy, got a mind like a steel trap full of mice
* That boys as strong as an ox, and just about as smart
* That dog, I say that dog is lower than a snake full of buckshot
* That dog, I say that dogs strictly GI gibberin idiot that is
* That dogs as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrrel of oat meal
* That dogs like taxes, he just dont know when to stop
* That, I say that boys just like a tatoo, gets under your skin
* Thats the trouble with that fool dog, always shootin his mouth off
* This boys more mixed up than a feather in a whirlwind
* What in the name of Jesse James do you suppose that is.
* What in the worlds that hen up to now.
* Whats the big idea of bashing me on the noggin with a rolling pin.
* Whos responsible for this unwarranted attack on my person.
* You just know Im gonna do something about this.
* You know, there just might be a market for bottled duck.
Here's some of these classic cartoons:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3YK95jW5p0
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Ex-NSA Director Warns Against Deep State Coup
https://tinyurl.com/ybfquhau
New Technology Is Helping Enforce Immigration Law
https://tinyurl.com/y79mvyen
Heres How President Trump Honors ICE
https://tinyurl.com/ycuh78lc
Top Terrorist Eliminated by Drone Strike
https://1600daily.com/2018/08/21/top-terrorist-eliminated-drone-strike/
Heres The Truth About Humas Laptop and Clintons Emails
There's more than was previously reported
https://tinyurl.com/y9n43oby
Angel Mom Fires Back At Elizabeth Warrens Shameful Comments
https://tinyurl.com/y7bfr474
President Trumps New Counter-terrorism Strategy
https://tinyurl.com/y7nkbrns
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Move America Forward
http://www.moveamericaforward.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
President Trump is up to his old tricks again; deporting
immigrants, but this time it's a little different and
antifa must be very conflicted. The liberal left loves
immigrants and hates Nazis, but what if the immigrant IS
a Nazi?
At the order of President Donald Trump, Immigration and
Customs Enforcement agents removed 95-year-old Jakiw Palij
from his Queens, New York, home.
Palij gained entry into the U.S. in 1949 after telling
U.S. authorities he spent World War II at his hometown in
Germany. He was eventually granted U.S. citizenship in 1957.
But the Justice Department says Palij served as an armed
guard at a death camp in Nazi-occupied Poland and lied to
American immigration officials about his role in those
atrocities when he entered the U.S. after the war.
Governmental efficiency being what it is, it only took
federal authorities until 2003 to track him down and expose
him.
A New York immigration judge revoked Palij's U.S. citizen-
ship and ordered him to be deported in 2005. But somehow he
has managed to remain in the U.S. until now. But America
isn't as welcoming to immigrants as it used to be.
Palij, frail and invalid, was removed from his home by
wheelchair and deported to Germany. There were no
demonstrations to try and stop his deportation.
Germany had previously maintained that they were not in a
position to accept him because he's not a German citizen,
so Palij's final fate is uncertain.
My question is; what took him so long to be discovered,
and once he was, what took him so long to be deported? Is
there a conspiracy? Has the government been hiding Nazis?
*--------- Mmmm, That's Good Baby Poo ----------*
I'm sure you've heard of probiotics. Probiotics are live
bacteria and yeasts that are good for you, especially your
digestive system. Usually they come from foods like yogurt
and other dairy products, but scientists at Wake Forest
School of Medicine in North Carolina have recently
discovered a particularly effective strain of probiotics
in baby poop. Why they were looking there, I don't know.
They have created a 'cocktail' of it to feed to mice which
had an astonishingly positive impact on their gut health.
The test results suggest that these probiotics could help
treat people with diabetes, obesity, autoimmune disorders
and certain cancers. All you would have to do is get
comfortable with eating bacteria that came from baby poop.
* Water Skiing Team Breaks Human Pyramid Record *
A Wisconsin water skiing team borrowed members from two other
teams to form an 80-person human pyramid on the water. The
Rock Aqua Jays said team members, along with members of the
Aquanuts and Webfooters water skiing teams, formed an 80-
person human pyramid on the water in Janesville and the group
held together for a distance of 1,148 feet, beating the 656-
foot distance required by Guinness World Records. The team
said they took an initial run with 70 people, beating the
previous Guinness record of 64 people, before beating their
own record with 10 more people. Rock Aqua Jays spokesman
Kevin Ostermeier said documentation from the event has been
submitted to Guinness and the team expects their record to
certified in about two weeks.
*------ Russia's New 'Walking Army Robot' ------*
Yes, 'Robotech' is finally here. And it's Russian. Everybody
who thought it would be the Japanese, you lose. Russia
unveiled the four and-a-half ton robot at the Army 2018 Fair
just outside Moscow, as a 'demonstration of what is to come.'
The robot can walk and has space in a cabin for people to sit
and operate the robot from inside and can hold and move
objects with its claws, including weapons. The pilot would
be protected from bullets and other dangers behind armoured
glass and metal. The robot is still under construction and
the creators do not wish to reveal all its capabilities until
they have it finished.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
,:'/ _..._
// ( `""-.._.'
\| / 6\___
| 6 4
| /
\_ .--'
(_'---'`)
jgs / `'---`()
There are a lot of dim bulbs out there roaming free on this planet.
Here's a list of quotes from several of them that I overheard.
If this keeps up our species is doomed!
1. A quarter isn't worth that much.
2. Hats are only good for your head.
3. All school is good for is learning.
4. Math would be great if it weren't for all the numbers.
5. Chicken tastes just like chicken.
6. Is April Fool's Day only once a year?
7. Buying stuff can cost you some big money.
8. My car doesn't have brakes. Is that bad?
9. I'm so hungry I could eat some food.
10. Just call her and tell her to text you.
-<>-
>Call Me An Ambulance!
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
-<>-
____
.-" _ "-.
/ _ \
/`| | `\ |\
/\o/ \_o/ |;\
__ _ .-"""-. \;;\
\ `-'/ ;-._.-' , |;;;\
'--. |_ \ \ _.--'| |;;;;|
| '. \ \ `-._/ /===;/..-"-.
\ '. /`._ __ ___/___(( _ \
\ Y ``-\_/==;===='"`/``---'
\ \ \\ \ /`
\___/ |\ \ /`
| | \ ;
/ / | |
jgs / \ | |
.' \_/ |
>The Smartest Dog
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess
with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog
I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three
games out of five."
-<>-
>Keep It Down
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human
body?
Patient: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.
Q: Why were all the ink spots crying?
A: Their father was in the pen.
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Rough! Rough!
Q: What did Neptune say to Saturn?
A: Give me a ring sometime!
.".".".
(` `) _.-=-.
'._.--.-; .-` -' '.
.-'`.o ) \ / .-_.--' `\
`;---) \ ; / / ;' _-_.-' `
`;"` ; \ ; . .' _-' \
( ) | | / .-.-' -`
'-.-' \ | .' ` '.-'-\`
/_./\_.|\_\ ; ' .'-'.-.
/ '-._ \` / _;-,
| .-=-.;-._ \ -'-,
\ / `";`-`,-"`)
\ \ '-- `\.\
'. '._ '-- '--'/
`-._ `'----'`;
`"""--.____,/
\\ \
// /`
___// /__
jgs (`(`(---"-`)
Q: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a
rooster?
A: Cockerpoodledoo!
Q: Why do dogs run in circles?
A: Because its hard to run in squares!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
__ _,--="=--,_ __
/ \." .-. "./ \
/ ,/ _ : : _ \/` \
\ `| /o\ :_: /o\ |\__/
`-'| :="~` _ `~"=: |
\` (_) `/
_ .-"-. \ | / .-"-. _
(_'-{ }-| /,.-'-.,\ |-{ }-'_)
(_.=(_)_)_)=\_/`~-===-~`\_/=(_(_(_)=._)
jgs
A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical
problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe
you?"
"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.
"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges
that much!"
"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could
adjust my fee to three hundred."
"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."
"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"
"Who has that kind of money?"
"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give
me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?"
"I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it."
"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you
come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have
no money?"
"Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my
health, nothing is too good!"
-<>-
A worker in the reference department of the Library of
Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase
"without recourse." He consulted a legal dictionary and
furnished this definition, "Said of a signer of a document
when he takes no responsibility for the face of the
document."
"Thank you," said the voice at the other end of the wire.
"I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It's signed,
"Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge."
-<>-
_.--"""--._
.' '-. `.
__/__ (-. `\ \
/o `o \ \ \ \
_\__.__/ )) | | ;
.--;" | | \
( `) | | \
_|`---' .' _, _| | `\
'`_\ \ '_,.-';_.-`\| \ \_
.' '--'---;` / / |\ |_..--' \
\'-'.' .--'.__/ __.-;
`"` (___...---''` \
_/_ \
/jgs\
\___/
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared
for him.
He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Doctor once a year for his check-up, and again
during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighbourhood in a house that is much
larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any
upkeep.
He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of
the house.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives
these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses
whatsoever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work
hard, and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me
like a brick in the head...
I think my dog might be in Congress!
-<>-
A wife is scrambling eggs when her husband bursts into the
kitchen.
"Careful," he cries. "Careful! You're cooking too many at
once. Too many! Scramble them! Now! We need more butter.
They're gonna stick! Careful! Now scramble them again!
Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. You
know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the
salt! The salt!"
The wife turns and asks, "What is wrong with you?"
Her husband calmly replies, "I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
-<>-
Two buddies were getting dressed in the locker room after a
workout, when the first man saw something that give him a
bit of a shock.
"How long have you been wearing that bra?" the man asked his
friend.
The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove
compartment of my car."
=========================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
_____
.'.---.'.
// , \\
|| `| ||
|| | ||
|| -'- ||
.-"`'-.,_ _,.-'`"-.
/ .'--,___`"""`___,--'. \
| /: _'---'_ \ |
\|:' | /o) (o\ | .:|/
| |(_/ .-. \_)| :'|
| .:/ ( ) \ |
'-; '-' ;-'
| : |
| : |
\ : /
jgs \ /^\ /
'--`._.`--'
>What is the Nature of Your Emergency?
An elderly man called 911 and said he thought his wife might be dead.
Operator: "MIGHT be dead? Sir, can't you tell if she's dead?"
Man: "I'm not quite sure."
Operator: "Well, what makes you THINK she's dead?"
Man: "Well, the love making is the same, but the dishes are beginning
to pile-up in the sink."
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house
on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and
cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen
table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite
out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired
of it.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Hi, is this the Police?
Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a
turkey? I've never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering.....does the fire department put snow chains on
their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on
my tires and... well.. do you think the fire department could come over
and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an
eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
__....._
.-"`` _.";
;-......-"` |
\ |
\ |
\ |
\ |_..._
\ __..--""` _.-'
_..--"" _..-"``-._.-----.
"---;--"" __ / \
( /__ __ ` | |
`/-\/--\ \ |
//`/ /`/ \ |
/\\_\_\/ ;\ /
____ / . '._.'
/` '.`"` _...._ |
\___.' ,__ `\ |
\ /|` | ;
\ \ .' | | .
'.\___..-'.__/ | |
'. / _.-"|
|""--.._\ .'`-" |
| [_]_ _/
jgs \__..--""/ `""""`\
/ \
>Things to Ponder
1. Why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
2. Why do you have a hot-water heater when you don't need to heat hot
water?
3. Why is an orange an orange and an apple not a red?
4. Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?
5. What do they pack styrofoam in?
6. If Corn Oil comes from Corn, what does Baby Oil come from?
7. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do you get Teflon to stick to a pan?
8. If a cow laughs, does milk come out it's nose?
9. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
10. Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
-<>-
__I__
.-'" . "'-.
.' / . ' . \ '.
/_.-..-..-..-..-._\ .---------------------------------.
# _,,_ ( I hear it might rain people today )
#/` `\ /'---------------------------------'
/ / 6 6\ \
\/\ Y /\/ /\-/\
#/ `'U` \ /a a \ _
, ( \ | \ =\ Y =/-~~~~~~-,_____/ )
|\|\_/# \_/ '^--' ______/
\/'. \ /'\ \ /
\ /=\ / || |---'\ \
jgs /____)/____) (_(__| ((__|
>ELEVEN GREAT PUNS ABOUT THE LAW
11) Lawyers wear law suits.
10) Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice.
9) A lawyer using a facsimile machine must be sure to get
his fax straight.
8) A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.
7) Does a lawyer representing an angry cow find just
cause for sour milk in a dairy case?
6) A detective likes to have a brief case.
5) The detective who went to investigate a burned down
post office figured that it must be blackmail.
4) There are many judges who would like to acquit smoking.
3) Old judges never die, they just slur their sentences.
2) A police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest.
1) If there's one person you don't want to interrupt in
the middle of a sentence, it's a judge.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Police Dogs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/policedogs.html
Dog Warriors!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogwarriors.html
Military Dogs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarydogs.html
Super Puppies!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppy.html
K9 9/11 Heroes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/k9-11.html
Nanny Animals!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals.html
For Dog Lovers!-
hthttp://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doglovers.html
Sweet Humanity!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sweethumanity.html
Dog Water Fetch!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/waterfetch.html
No Words Needed!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords.html
Dog Rescue Stories!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues.html
Making A Difference!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/makingdifference.html
Dogs As Best Friends!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestfriend.html
Dogs And Little Ones!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogslittleones.html
Big Happy Pet Family!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petfamily.html
Attitude Is Everything!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html
Ricochet The Surf Dog!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html
Sgt.Stubby War Dog Hero!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stubbywardog.html
Random Acts Of Kindness!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/actsofkindness.html
-<>-
Celebrity Nooz
Your source for news and gossip! Keep up to date with celebrity news,
top stories, and 'Where Are They Now' profiles! Vote on our reader poll,
check out some movie reviews, and suggest celebrities for future WATN
issues!
http://www.celebritynooz.com/
ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SOCIETY
The World RPS Society is dedicated to the promotion of
Rock Paper Scissors as a fun and safe way to resolve
disputes. We feel that conserving the roots of RPS is
essential for the growth and development of the game and
the players. The World RPS Society is involved in many
areas of the sport, such as; research studies, workshops,
tournaments at both local and international levels, book
publishing, and much more.
http://www.worldrps.com/
Browse through the fun and fascinating fashion,
collectible, activity and event fads of the last
100 years.
http://www.badfads.com/collectibles/
Monkey Washing Dishes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0QCutfzUfg
top 10 Smartest Dogs in the world
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ48jTfOtvE
Man Comes To Adopt Pit Bull At Shelter, But She Refused
To Let Go Of Her Best Friend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbaYj9-ZvJw
Watch the heartwarming moment this dog realizes he's being adopted
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zh1r2RarY4
This Dog Stares Out Window Every Day - When Owner Finally Realizes
Why Dogs Heartbroken They Put Up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM2E3oRcqI0
Dogs Meets Owner After Long Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-Q5pYIipZg
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Talk a walk back in time as the Statler Brothers sing Do You Remember
These.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puGQsQux80k
Aint That America is a series of photographs set to the song Pink
House by John Mellencamp. I remember when this song came out back in
the early 80s and he was known as John Cougar then. For all of
Americas problems its still a great place to live which is why so many
people try to immigrate here. The news media does a great job of
reporting on all the negatives but there is very little balance when it
comes to reporting on anything positive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3IICY5NKC0
The Ultimate Survival Backpack
If youre going to spend time outdoors then you might
want to get this ultimate survival backpack that is
compact but packed full of essential survival gear.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/8gxdjH3QjNU
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
WWII Video
This is a VERY touching video, actually a piece of film that has been
made into a video, this is one that is NOT photo shopped, it's the
real scene!
Notice in the opening shot you'll see the gunner's position is all
shot to hell while the pilot's cockpit ahead of it is undamaged.
Later on notice the corpsman taking a fingerprint of the deceased
gunner, before the film continues, then showing the chaplain saying
the final prayers, followed by taps, then the sailors push the
aircraft and our patriotic airman over the side and watch it sink into
the distance sea. Here's one for a serious conversation with your
kids. THIS WAS REAL!
This is what 18 year old "kids" were doing in 1944. No safe spaces,
no hurtful unthinkable remarks that they couldn't cope with, just
dying for their country so the ungrateful, uninformed snowflakes of
today could act like fools decades later..............
This 2 minute video is pretty moving. Worth your while.
"What actually made this country great is ordinary guys like this
doing extraordinary things."
https://www.youtube.com/embed/jpt6Bvr2L-s?rel=0&controls=0&showinf
---
...Wow! Sad! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"An 11-year-old boy in Florida was able to hack into a state
elections website and change results in under 10 minutes.
So get ready to meet Florida's next governor, Fortnite
McDeadpool." -Jimmy Fallon
"Scientists in Canada are working to create the world's
first beer brewed entirely from cannabis. Scientists say
they've been working tirelessly from morning to mid-morning."
-Seth Meyers
"For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over.
Don't worry, kids. School will end eventually and then
you'll get to go to a different kind of school called work,
and it only ends when you get old and die." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A guy in New York is selling the world's largest video
game collection, which includes 11,000 games. He doesn't
really want to sell it, but he needs some way to pay for
the divorce." -Jimmy Fallon
"A Colorado man unsuccessfully tried to break into a
University of Colorado ATM by spraying it with acid and
waiting for it to eat the protective covering away. He
was caught when authorities examined the three hours of
security footage of his face." -Seth Meyers
"A new study says that children are suffering bad health
effects from eating too much pizza. The study was explained
in a pie chart which children immediately tried to eat."
-Conan O'Brien
"A 91-year-old woman in Germany is under investigation for
destruction of property after she tried filling in words
on a crossword puzzle on display at an art museum. If
charged, the woman could face time in a four-letter word
for enclosure." -Seth Meyers
"Scientists have discovered that men are genetically
programed to look at other women. So sorry, ladies, it's
science. I've got to do what I've got to do." -Conan O'Brien
"Best Buy just purchased a company that provides emergency
response services. So, next time you're having a heart
attack, don't worry, the Geek Squad will be over tomorrow
between 2:00 and 4:00 to save your life." -Jimmy Fallon
"Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information
about it, as well as contributing to the need for it."
--Alfred Hitchcock
"Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more
important than the outcome."
--Arthur Ashe
"Never spend your money before you have it."
--Thomas Jefferson
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
- Napoleon Bonaparte
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also
always some reason in madness."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools,
because they have to say something."
- Plato
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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