Dogs, Stress And Marketing - Oh My! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ , _/ \_ _,--. < , > .-'.' /(/.\ .' .' .""". `/ ` / / / \ /) ; ; ,_.;._ _;-'}/ | | '. )( /' | | /'-._/\_.-' ; ; \_.' \ , \ \ / | _.'/ '. `'-\ /.-/.;,\ '-._ `"""""`_.|`"""`| jgs `"("\/")` |# | \(_/ `-...-' *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! * * *%%* ,,,,, *%%* *%%%%%* W*W*W*W *%%%%%* *%%%%%%%* {//"\\}*%%%%%%%* *%%%%%%%%%*{{/6.6\}}*%%%%%%%%%* *%%%%%%%%%%%*{{( = )}}*%%%%%%%%%%%* *%%%%%%%%%%%%*}}}}) ({{{{*%%%%%%%%%%%%* *%%%%%%%%%%%* {{{{ }}}} *%%%%%%%%%%%* *%%%%%%%%%* We are each of us *%%%%%%%%%* *%%%%%* angels with only one wing*%%%%%* jgs *%%* And we can only fly *%%* * embracing each other. * -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This red hot new page comes from our friend LouiseAu. It is sure to tickle your funny bone and give pause as to how the photographer was able to capture the moment so perfectly! Check this one out here... (_) - ' @_ _ ' )\/(@ ' __(/ \--._ (,-.---'--'@ @ )0_0( _ ('-') (_) ' _\Y/_ ' .-'-\-/-'-._ ' _ / '* \ ' (_) /) * .-.))>' ._/ \__*_ /\__'. '<((_' |__H/ \__\ / ,_/ |_| )-- / |x| \ _/ (_ x /_/ \_\@ /_/ snd /_/ /x/ (_ x \_\@ Got A Nanosecond? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano7.html --- ...Love this series! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: A lady was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's done too!!!" -<>- /) o__^^/_/) \ ' \`-' ___ `| \______/--'` | \ ././-------,.\ BP_mic _ (\ \) o__^\/ , \ ' \ < _ _ ' ' . `| \____\ - - ' . . () | ) _ _ `.' `.' .//---_/-_/ _ _ (\ (\_\^^__o . `-'\ ` / `( | \_____| | | _ ./`,----./~| . . . - () (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | ` . ' -`/.------'\^-' >Ten Dog Rules 1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3. Okay, fine, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only! 9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. 10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog. -<>- A man bought TV set from a shop. The next day he was back at the shop with the TV and wanted the piece replaced with a better model. The shop owner asked what the problem was with that one. The man said, "This TV does not show good programs so change the set." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 5 is Bathtub Party Day and Repeal Day December 6 is St. Nicholas Day, Mitten Tree Day and Put on your own Shoes Day December 7 is International Civil Aviation Day, Letter Writing Day, National Cotton Candy Day and Pearl Harbor Day December 8 is National Brownie Day and Take it in the Ear Day December 9 is Christmas Card Day and National Pastry Day December 10 is Human Rights Day December 11 is International Children's Day and National Noodle Ring Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Math Ticket Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained. The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 mph over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?" I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero." He handed back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted. "Please slow down." -<>- I picked up a Magic 8-Ball the other day and it said "Outlook not so good." I said to myself, "Sure, but Microsoft still ships it." -<>- >Critically Ill One evening a critically ill man was admitted to the coronary- care unit. Time was of the essence. As he was wheeled in and placed in bed, the scene became frenzied. Nurses rushed to get the patient monitored, do a fast physical assessment, obtain pertinent information and prepare equipment. In the middle of this commotion, one nurse called out, "Does anyone know the age of this patient?" Just as a nurse was about to look at his admission sheet to check, a voice from the bed offered: "I know. I'm 75." -<>- __.............__ .--""``` ```""--. ':--..___ ___..--:' \ ```"""""""``` / .-` ___.....-----.....___ '-. .:-""`` ~ ~ ``""-:. /`-..___ ~ ~ ~___..-'\ / ~ '`""---.........---""` \ ; ; ; '::. ' _, _, ; | '::: ' .' ( ~ .-'./ ~ | |~ .:' . _/..._'. .'.-'/ | | .:' .-'` ` '-./.'_.' | | ':. ( o) )) ;= <_ | ; '::. '-.,\\__ __.-;`\'. '. . ; ; ': \) |`\ \) '.'-.\ ; \.:'.:':. \_/ '-._\ / \ ':. ~ ` / '. '::.. _ . - - -- .~ _ ~ .' '-._':' `'-_.-' jgs (``''--..._____...--''``) `"--...__ __...--"` ````` >Carp Recipe Our family had a recipe for carp, handed down for generations. Dig a deep hole in the ground, pour in red-hot coals, and cover with a bucket of river mud. Lay carp on top of that, followed by another layer of mud and another layer of coals. Cover and let simmer in the ground for 8 hours. Dig it all up and eat the mud. It tastes like carp, but you don't have to remove all those bones. -<>- >Mental Block "Have you ever had a mental block when you're trying to spell a word?" I asked my husband. I told him that I had wanted to withdraw $40 that day from our account, but I couldn't remember how to spell "forty." "What did you do?" he asked. "I took out $60." -<>- >Directions A friend of ours from another city was on her way to our house when suddenly she realized she had made a wrong turn. She stopped and asked a lady for directions. "Go back down this road through a couple of traffic lights," she was instructed, "then stop and ask someone else." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ________ / ______ \ || _ _ || ||| || ||| |||_||_||| || _ _o|| (o) ||| || ||| |||_||_||| ^~^ , ||______|| ('Y') ) /__________\ / \/ ________|__________|__ (\|||/) _________ hjw /____________\ `97 |____________| Thank goodness. It happens just about every time I leave a room, and I thought it was my memory playing tricks! *Whew, scientific proof. What a relief to learn this*! Have you ever walked into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? It turns out that doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an Event Boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale. Thank goodness for studies like this. *It's not our age, it's that darn door!* ------- A group of doctors were out duck hunting, when a large bird flew overhead. The family doctor raised his gun to shoot, but then lowered his gun saying "I am not sure that is a duck." The Psychiatrist raised his gun, but then lowered it again saying “I know it's a duck, but I'm not sure that it knows it's a duck." The surgeon raises his gun and blasts the bird out of the sky. He turns to the pathologist and says "Go see if that was a duck. -------- "Oh Sarah, I just heard the news" said Esther to her blonde friend. "You poor dear. Your husband Morris drowned. At least he left you ten million dollars. It's amazing that he made so much money, yet he couldn't even read or write." Sarah smiled, "Yeah, thank God he couldn't swim either! ------- Two five-year-olds were on a picnic with their respective families. They both wandered into the nearby woods to answer a call of nature. The little girl squatted and did the necessary. On her way back to the picnic grounds, she ran across the little boy who was relieving himself against a tree. "Wow" she said with rounded eyes, "what a handy gadget to take on a picnic!" ------- "Students, do you have any religious objects in your home?" Little Jimmy offered, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo, holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it." Little Suzi said, "We have a statue of a man seated with crossed legs and every day my parents burn incense sticks before it." Little Johnny shouted, "We have a flat square box with numbers on it in our bathroom and every day my mom stands on it and screams, 'Oh, dear god!'" -------- A grandfather took his grandson on a nature hike. "My boy, nature teaches us many lessons." "Like what, granddad?" Well, like when you find a baby squirrel, don't carry it home inside your shirt unless you're wearing a tight belt!" -------- The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc, when she interrupted him, "Hey look, I'm a vet and I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to put you to sleep." -------- A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up!" -------- Dear Abby, I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? Sam Dear Sam, Yes. Run for public office. --- ...Ain't that the truth! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Latest From AFA: http://www.afa.net/ Latest From MRCtv: http://www.mrctv.org/ Latest RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com/ Latest ConservativeTribune: http://conservativetribune.com/ Latest eHeadlines: http://eheadlines.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Here's a tip: if somebody has the legal authority to detain or arrest you through use of force, say, a police officer, it's probably not a good idea to 'prank' them. This is a bit of advice New Jersey resident Kevin Hemmerich apparently never heard. Hemmerich went to the Hopatcong police headquarters to turn himself in to police for an outstanding warrant. However, he showed up in a bunny onesie and carrying an air horn. Hemmerich decided to use the opportunity to record a prank. He took along his brother Jason, to record the prank. Kevin Hemmerich was seen on video wearing a rabbit costume and blowing the air horn while standing at the front desk of the police station. He informed a worker that he came to turn himself in while intermittently blowing the air horn. Officers asked Kevin Hemmerich to stop, but he refused to listen. Two officers then came out to the lobby and confronted the brothers. One of them slapped Kevin Hemmerich in the face and hit the cellphone out of Jasons hand. The brothers uploaded the video to the Internet, where it went viral and it sparked an investigation into the officer's actions against the pranksters. Hemmerich had a warrant out for his arrest for not completing 12 days of community service after pleading guilty for failure to have car insurance in connection with a car accident. Not that I condone police brutality, but I probably would have slapped the guy around a bit, too. -<>- Traffic cops and meter maids write tickets. That's what they do. That's their job. They don't fool around with, say, building code enforcement. You don't see traffic cops fighting fires. So when an SUV was parked on the street just blocks from the Broward County Courthouse in Florida for four days, city parking officers did what they were supposed to; slap ticket after ticket on the windshield. Eventually, a curious citizen named Carolyn White who noticed the pile of citations did what officers couldn't be bothered to do. She looking through the windshield. What she found was the body of deceased Jacob Morpeau. "Oh my, please tell me this man isn't dead," White thought. He was sitting in the driver's seat, and his upper body lay face down over the SUV's center console. The SUV was issued tickets from Nov. 12 through Nov. 15. Two of the tickets were written within three minutes, and just six hours before White saw Morpeau's body inside the SUV. White said, "I was being nosy. I never let the meter man catch me. I never got a parking ticket and I wanted to know why somebody else got caught. And that's what made me look inside." She said she wonders why a parking officer didn't see what she saw. Morpeau's family had not heard from him for a few days before his body was discovered, according to a Fort Lauderdale police report. But they needn't worry. An email from the assistant clerk said the city dismissed the $160 in parking fees, "due to extenuating circumstances." --- ...I just saw an ID show with a lady found dead in the car - same thing - it had 2 or three tickets on the windshield - Just not their job to investigate what's inside or the smell coming from it! *------ "Ay, Yo! Get Me Outta Dis Vent!" ------* Police found and arrested a New York man stuck in an air vent after he allegedly attempted to break into a local pizzeria. The man was found lodged in a vent in the roof of a Pontillo's pizzeria in Penfield when Monroe County Sheriff's deputies responded to reports of a man yelling. The alleged attempted burglar was identified as 44-year-old Richard Graham of Rochester and was transported to a local hospital where he was treated for minor injuries. "He was as far down as he could go without coming out on top of an oven," Penfield assistant fire chief Earl Lubanski told the Democrat and Chronicle. "The ductwork got narrower as you get down closer to the kitchen." Cpl. John Helfer of Monroe County Sheriff's Office said Graham caused $2,000 in damages and was arraigned on charges of third-degree burglary, second-degree criminal mischief and possession of burglary tools. *------------ A Vampire Love Story ------------* According to court documents, a Missouri man was curious about sucking someone's blood, so his girlfriend, 19-year- old Victoria Vanatter, allegedly gave him permission to cut her arm with a razor and drink some of her blood in the kitchen of a Springfield home. The blood sucking, police say, was followed by arguing. Court documents say there was some yelling and slapping before Vanatter grabbed a knife and stabbed the man several times. Vanatter then "came to" and called 911. According to a statement, Springfield police were sent to the home after a crying woman called 911 and said someone was bleeding. When officers arrived, they found Vanatter and the man covered in blood. The statement says Vanatter told a Springfield police detective that she drew "I'm sorry" and a heart in blood on a wall in the living room after stabbing the man several times. So at least she was remorseful. *-- Fish-Carcass-Filled Skate Rink Unpopular --* Designers at a theme park in Japan thought visitors would revel at ice skating "across the sea" by freezing real fish under the ice but the attraction was widely regarded as having an "appalling lack of morality" and being "disrespectful of life." The Space World theme park in Kitakyushu closed its "Aquarium of Ice" skating rink after visitors and people online called the fish-carcass-filled attraction cruel and disgusting. Designers added about 5,000 fish they bought, already dead, from local fish markets, embedding them in the rink's ice: In one area, dozens of red fish are half-buried and open-mouthed in ice and, in another, a huge school of hundreds of black fish are swimming in a circle, with pictures of larger fish such as rays and whale sharks placed beneath the ice elsewhere. Park visitors were not thrilled being surrounded by dead, frozen fish, and commenters online had a field day ripping Space World designers for their lack of respect for life. *----------- That's Security for You -----------* The New York Police Department released security camera footage of a man walking up to an armored truck and walking off with a $1.6 million bucket of gold. The department released security camera footage this week of the incident in midtown Manhattan, where the back of the truck had been left unattended while two men talked in front of the vehicle. The video shows a man casually taking the 86-pound bucket of gold flakes from the back of the truck and casually walking away. The man appears to struggle with the heavy bucket and takes frequent breaks -- traveling about a 10-minute distance in about an hour before getting into a van. "I think he just saw an opportunity, took the pail and walked off," NYPD Detective Martin Pastor told local news. Police said the suspect is believed to have fled to Florida, possibly in the Miami or Orlando areas. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) () vvvv .-" "-. .'___ `. / /_/_/ \ ____ | /_/_/ | .%%%%%%. | | /%/_/%%%%\_ \ .::::.%%%%%%%%(_{}-o `. .::::::::%%%%%%%%/ `-._/:/_/::::::\%%%%%' o-3_)::::::::::|"""" \::::::::::/ `::::::::' `````' hjw >No Christmas This Year We won't have a Christmas this year, you say For now the children have all gone away; And the house is so lonely, so quiet and so bare We couldn't have a Christmas that they didn't share. We won't have a Christmas this year, you sigh, For Christmas means things that money must buy. Misfortunes and illness have robbed us we fear Of the things that we'd need to make Christmas this year. We won't have a Christmas this year you weep, For a loved one is gone, and our grief is too deep; It will be a long time before our hearts heal, And the spirit of Christmas again we can feel. But if you lose Christmas when troubles befall, You never have really had Christmas at all. For once you have had it, it cannot depart When you learn that true Christmas is Christ in your heart. ~ Verna S Teeuwissen ~ -<>- >Tips: The Many, Many Uses of Cornstarch Cornstarch is one of those mysterious items you have in your pantry. It only costs a dollar, so you probably bought it at least one time and now you're unsure what it’s good for. Well in case you're out of ideas, I'm going to show you why this cheap item is actually one of the best materials to have around the house, can make your life much easier. Polish silver: Instead of buying expensive and strong-smelling silver cleaners, use a mix of cornstarch and water to make your silverware shine like new. No more squeaky floors: Cornstarch can stop the awful noises caused by cracked floors. Sprinkle the floor with cornstarch and then sweep. The powder will work itself into the nooks and cracks, ridding you of any squeaks or creaks. Thickening: A tablespoon mixed in a little cold water will help turn runny watery gravy into a cook's delight! Toothpaste: Mix some in with water for a great replacement of traditional toothpaste. Rinse and see the sparkle in your smile! --- ...Great ones! Thanks Fran! Here's more uses... Many Uses of Cornstarch http://www.remediesandherbs.com/30-amazing-uses-of-corn-starch/ =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: Hmmmm lucky we all know that Engineers *Really* look more like the picture below, holding their pocket calculators and briefcases!!! ;) .,::::.. ';''':';:. (o o |; | < ); \ --' | ___'-. |____ .' - - `'. ,'_ : '. : [_] , : , : : : ) --' '--- :`'... '. : / \:: : :: / : : ''' |'' , ''| : .' :===u==='. (,,; / :__|__|__ : __ |/ | : :: || | : : : || | '. : : ''-------' : : : : snd : : : : :____: :____: .-=' \ ( ==\ (____,_/ \ \ '--' I have been working on my PhD in engineering for the past five years, but my kids don't necessarily see that as work. As we were driving past Walmart one day, my son spotted a Now Hiring sign and suggested that I could get a job there. Hoping to make a point, I asked, "Do you think they're looking for an engineer?" "Oh, sure," he said. "They'll hire anybody." -<>- The black lacquer stand holding his prized samurai swords was dusty, so my husband left our cleaning lady a note reading, "Check out my swords." That evening, he found the stand just as dirty as before but with this added note: 'Nice swords.' -<>- One day on his way to work, my husband stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain. Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave. "That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded. Abashed at his mistake, he apologized and walked on to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived. Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the day. That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier. She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked: "Did real well for yourself today, didn't you?" -<>- I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year." -<>- _____________________ / /\() / / `. / / .,' /____________________/_.-` (_____________________() || || || || _ ||/|/ /|_____ _ || / / / /| .//| ||/ / / / |__// /-. ,'|/_ / / / / // / ". ,' || | / / / // / " ,-__. || |/ / / ||/__-. " ," |__`.||_|_____/_/____.'__| " ' " O_) ________________ (_O " ' " |_.' " " `._| " akg`. ,' `. ,' `----' `--- >TESTING As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with modern man. His descendants are with us even today, passing for full-blooded Homo sapiens. If you suspect a "touch of the old hand ax" in your ancestry, score yourself on this test: 1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself five points. 2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? If not, take five points. 3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, add three points. 4. How about a forehead? If not, add another three points. 5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? Then give yourself five points. 6. Do you ever open Coke bottles with your teeth? If you do, add ten points. 7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels than sitting in a chair? Take five points. 8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, add one point for every five degrees of slope. 9. Less than five feet tall? Add one point for every inch under. 10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add one point for every inch of difference. 11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs. 12. Pigeon-toed? Five points. 13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club? You're normal--no points. 14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big enough to hold an apple? Add five points. 15. Do you regularly eat apples in this way? Add fifteen points. 16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when you're not? Give yourself ten points. 17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and an overcoat? Take five more points. 18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or "Animal"? Three points. Scroll down for your score.... -<>- Jim's doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left. "All I want," Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly what they did. But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that she's tired and wants to go to sleep. "Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear, "one more time." "Look," his wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning. You don't!" -<>- >Scoring: 0-20 points: You are a virtually pure Homo sapiens. Feel free to build bridges, compose symphonies, and overrun the world. 20-40 points: A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally have spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on all fours and whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one will notice. 40-60 points: You can still function quite well in the modern world, but avoid eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners give you away. 60-80 points: Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider a career in pro football. 80-100 points: Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no place for you in human society. Try running for public office instead. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Doctors & Diagnosis A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house, a woman complains: "I've been a little sick to my stomach". The older doctor says: "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?" As they left, the younger man said: "You didn't even examine that woman? How do you come to the diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick". The younger doctor said: "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house". Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said: "I'm feeling terribly run down lately". "You've probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps". As they left, the elder doctor said: "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?" "I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the pastor under the bed." -<>- . |\ /| \ / | \ .'. | \ '.|_(())))) ((((/.( ,))) _/ ((((_( )/ \\ \__/-) /\__ \_\(\ .'\ \ '. )\ \\\ ___..' o \ \.' / \ \\\ ''---. \_\ / '.\\\ . ' , '--.'\_ /. .| \-'---- O - \/O'. (_/ \ \| ) ' . ' |O O \___ /.'.__.'._.' | O|_O O/ /.'. .'. | |O |O O/) / O '._.' '.| |_O|_O'/ / O | ||/ / /'._________.'| \ )_/ /''.-.-.-.-.-.-| '. \ '.____________.' \ _\ |/ /mrf __'\\ __(,\_\_ _______ ____ __ ____(_'--_)__ >Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world." "I am entering" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do?" "First Place," said Snow White. They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?" They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio says "this is mine." Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. "Who the heck is Hillary Clinton?" asked Pinocchio. -<>- &&& && && &&&&. &&& .&&&&& && &&& &&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&& & &` && && .&&&&& &&&; &8 .&&&: && &` & && 8&& & `& && && .&_ oO_&.-.-. && ( __ -/--' &&~ .'-__-'& &&&~`'\`& &&&~` _& &&&&` && &&8&&&& &&&&&&& & &&&&&&& &&;&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& ~~~ .~~~~~ `&&&&&&&&& ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~;!&&&&&&&&&&~/~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ BP >4 Stages of Stress... #1: You pick up a hitchhiker... A beautiful girl. Suddenly, she faints inside your truck and you take her to the hospital. Now that's stressful. #2: At the hospital, they say she is pregnant and congratulate you that you're going to be a father. You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are. This is getting very stressful! #3: You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father. After the tests are completed, The doctor says the test shows you're infertile, And probably have been since birth. You're extremely stressed but relieved. #4: On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home. Now you are livid with Stress! -<>- ____ .---[[__]]----. ;-------------.| ____ | || .--[[__]]---. | || ;-----------.| | || | || jgs |_____________|/ | || |___________|/ >[Et-Ahem!] Here's Your MBA Marketing course in a nutshell! Marketing explained... MARKETING..... One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: * You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. * You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. * You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. * You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your chest lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. * You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition. *You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. * Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. * You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Facebook. * You are at a party; this attractive older man walks up to you and grabs your bottom. That's former President Bill Clinton * You're OK with it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement. That's America! --- ...That's Hilarious! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ |______|______|______|______|______| .',',-. ______ ____ _____ _______ __ \.. :. '. | ____/ __ \ / ____|/ ____\ \ / / /_@ @ '' | |__ | | | | | __| | __ \ \_/ / ( ,_ -,--. | __|| | | | | |_ | | |_ | \ / / \_ '._ \ | | | |__| | |__| | |__| | | | .' .'-._':-' |_| \____/ \_____|\_____| |_| : \ \\ ''' >A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water the garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I move toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I picked up earlier. I decide to go through the post before I wash the car. Because there are some bills amongst the mail I lay my car keys on the table, Start sorting the letters putting the junk mail in the bin under the table, And notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table And take out the rubbish first. But then I think, The rubbish is not important I must pay the bills first. I take out my check book And see that there is only one check left. My new check book is in my desk in the study, So I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of beer I'd been drinking. I now have to search for my new checkbook, But first I need to push the beer can aside So that I don't accidentally knock it over. The beer is getting warm, And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the beer can, I notice a vase of flowers on the counter. They need water. I put the beer on the counter and Discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, But first I must water the flowers. I put the glasses back down on the counter, Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table. So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, But first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flower vase, But quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I place the remote back on the table, And get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to Remember why I came to the kitchen. At the end of the day: The car isn't washed, The bills aren't paid, There is a warm can of beer sitting on the counter, The flowers don't have enough water, There is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I've lost my glasses, And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, And I'm really tired now. I realize this is a serious problem, And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.... Do me a favour. Forward this message to anyone you know, Because I don't remember who I've sent it to. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! P.S. I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry. --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Kid Lessons!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidlessons.html Shopping With Men!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menshopping.html Kids With Animals 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithanimals2.html Dusan's Wild Life Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusanart.html Cuddle BeBe Ragdolls!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ragdolls.html Love Stories!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestories.html In Days Past!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html Kids On God!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidsonGod.html LEGO Church!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legochurch.html Jacob's US Flag!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jacobsflag.html Kilroy Was Here!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html High Tech Toys 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys2.html Kids Being Kids 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids3.html Girl Gets New Ear!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/girlgetsear.html Kids With Dads!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithdads.html Nanny Animals 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals3.html Full Christmas Index!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasindex.html Shangrala Home Index Page!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >Please Follow Me On StumbleUpon: http://tinyurl.com/goh2eyt -<>- >From Our Friends Cloie And LouiseAu :) Hilarious Trump Christmas Parody “It’s The Most Wonderful Time in 8 Years.” More videos at the side. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sW85ZcswiqM --- ...Oh How wonderful! Thanks Ladies! I love they used my most favorite old time actor James Stewart! Remember this one? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX8aFpnWxPA -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) She sent us one we have here... Buy A Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buyadog.html --- ...Teehee! a cute One! Thanks LouiseAu! Every woman likes a sharply dressed man and I have a feeling these Sharp Dressed Jugglers are going to be a hit with the ladies. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47f7O9V4ELE&feature=player_embedded The Juggler is Michael Davis and as you’ll see he is not only a very good juggler he’s also very funny and entertaining. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XKRrfAzdpW8 There are some things you can only see in Russia… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BovR6tiNL6U&feature=player_embedded --- ...Wowsers! Great Ones! Thanks LouiseAu! Get ya in the Christmas decorating and wrapping mood... Sing along time! - Billboard Hit Series Albums https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmC1vLKhpg8 -<>- >From Our Friend PeggyT :) More Mrs. Claus's Favorite Cookie Recipes: *Candy Cookies http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0279.html *Caramel Shortbread http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0901.html *Cheesecake Brownies http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0387.html *Cherry Crowns http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0665.html *Cherry Winks http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0145.html *Chewies http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0314.html --- ...All sound yummy! Thanks PeggyT! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) Up On The Housetop! http://www.mamarocks.com/up_on_the_housetop.htm --- ...A classic! Thanks Fran! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us one we have here... Old 1917 Blackboards http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackboards.html --- ...An amazing one! Thanks Geniann! I love that they found these with teacher lessons still on them! An Eagle's flight from the top of the world's tallest building to his handler below. On Saturday, 14th March, an eagle was fitted with a camera and released from the top of the 2,715 foot Burj Khalifa in Dubai. What surprised the experts is not only how efficiently the eagle spots his trainer from that altitude, but how smooth its flight is with no camera shake whatsoever, even when it goes into a power dive. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6g95E4VSfj0 --- ...Eagles are awesome! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In other weird Japanese news - or as they call it in Japan, news - there are now plans for a park in Japan that will be a combination of a hot springs spa and an amusement park. It either sounds nice or like a sanitary nightmare." -James Corden "Two Connecticut residents stole over $1,000 worth of candles from the Yankee Candle Village. The suspects are being described as white." -Conan O'Brien "Tonight was the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. Thousands of people waited for hours in the cold just to go, 'Cool. OK, back to the hotel, let's go back to the hotel.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Today is cyber Monday, which means tomorrow is 'Russia has your credit card info Tuesday.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Breakfast Club star Anthony Michael Hall is facing seven years in prison for fighting his neighbor. However, his lawyer is trying to plea bargain that down to just serving detention with Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, and Judd Nelson." -Conan O'Brien "Washington, D.C., 7-Eleven stores have begun selling Dorito-coated cheese sticks. Because when 7-Eleven drops food on the floor, they don't give up." -Seth Meyers "Victoria's Secret will open at 5 p.m. on Thanksgiving and stay open all the way through Black Friday. Because if there's one thing people want to do, it's stuff their faces all day, and then try on lingerie." -Jimmy Fallon "Apple's top designer has created a special Christmas tree that does not feature any lights or decorations. Said the designer, 'I didn't know this was due today.'" -Seth Meyers "Today, the stock market hit an all-time high. Which is great news, because if there's one thing we've learned over the past decade it's that if Wall Street executives are doing well, regular Americans are doing well. " -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************