Dogs VS Kids, Bob Hope Humor and More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) These two flaming hot new pages are both from our friend LouiseAu. God gave us dogs not only as loving companions but also to aide and serve us with devotion only a pet can give. These new pages give us more sweet dogs acting as God intended them to for their human owners. Some people think that making dogs do certain things to service people is cruel but they do not understand that dogs, love to please people - especially when doing things that comes natural to them and they already love doing - all while getting a special reward or treat for doing it! To a dog that is like heaven! Service animals are very happy doing what they do! Best of both worlds for the animals and their owners! Be sure to get your share of smiles and awws for the day by checking these new pages out along with their cute videos here: \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz Military Dogs 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarydogs3.html , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ Police Dogs 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/policedogs3.html --- ...I do so Love these! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: |..| ? ? c >| ? \'/ /><\ unknown >Facts 1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving. 2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee. 3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. 5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 8. You can't buy love... but you pay heavily for it. 9. True friends stab you in the front. 10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me. 11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired 13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. 15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. 17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. 18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. 19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. 20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books and social media accounts. -<>- _ /X \ _------_ / \ | | | | | __ __) | / \/ \ /\/\ (o )o ) /c \__/ --. \_ _-------' | / \ | | '\_______) | \_____) |_____ | |_____/\/\ / \ unknown >Politically correct ways to say someone is stupid 1. Light's on but nobody is home. 2. A brick shy of a full load. 3. Doesn't have all of their dogs barking. 4. Not the brightest crayon in the box. 5. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 6. A few clowns short of a circus. 7. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 8. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. 9. A few beers short of a six-pack. 10. Dumber than a box of rocks. 11. A few peas short of a casserole. 12. Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box. 13. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. 14. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl. 15. One taco short of a combination plate. 16. A few feathers short of a whole duck. 17. All foam, no beer. 18. The cheese slid off his cracker. 19. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel. 20. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt. 21. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. 22. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. 23. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 24. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 25. As smart as bait. 26. Chimney's clogged. 27. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. 28. Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair. 29. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. 30. Forgot to pay his brain bill. 31. Her sewing machine's out of thread. 32. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 33. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. 34. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. 35. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. 36. No grain in the silo. 37. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. 38. Receiver is off the hook. 39. Several nuts short of a full pouch. 40. Skylight leaks a little. 41. Slinky's kinked. 42. Surfing in Nebraska. 43. Too much yardage between the goal posts. 44. In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little farther apart than most. 45. As bright as a 1/2 watt bulb. 46. As swift as roadkill rabbit. 47. As sharp as a butter knife. 48. As swift as a sailboat on a calm day. 49. As bright as a bag of hammers. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 30 is National Mud Pack Day October 1 is International Coffee Day, International Day for the Elderly, National Homemade Cookies Day and World Vegetarian Day October 2 is National Custodial Worker Day, 2 National Kale Day and Name Your Car Day October 3 is National Boyfriends Day, Techies Day and Virus Appreciation Day October 4 is National Golf Day, National Frappe Day and World Smile Day October 5 is Do Something Nice Day, International Frugal Fun Day, World Card Making Day and World Teacher's Day October 6 is Come and Take it Day, Mad Hatter Day, Oktoberfest in Germany ends and Physician Assistant Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" >Cat in a Tree One night, while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough." "How do you know that?" I asked. "Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said. Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast. -<>- >Funeral Driving with my two young boys to a funeral, I tried to prepare them by talking about burial and what we believe happens after death. The boys behaved well during the service. But at the grave site I discovered my explanations weren't as thorough as I'd thought. In a loud voice, my four-year-old asked, "Mom, what's in the box?" -<>- (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | mic ` . ' `-`/.------'\^-' >Dogs vs Kids I had spent the morning trying to persuade our stubborn dogs to stay out from underfoot, with my son watching closely. "Mom, do you know why dogs are better than kids?" he asked finally. "They don't listen either, but at least they'll eat leftovers." -<>- .-. ( ( __ __ '-` ___/ _\.-./_ \ ////|//(@ @) \| //////// \./ | (_) |( _ ) ldb____|______|.m_m_______________________________________ >Dog Calls Bernard, who was noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty-four AM by his ringing telephone. "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely four forty-four AM, Bernard called his neighbor back. "Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to say that I don't HAVE a dog." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _()_ )( _..-''''''-.._ .' . ' ` . `. .' . . `. .-. : . ...... . : : : . .' ) ( `. . : `. @: . : < > : . : .-----. `.: . :--`--'--: . :.' `. .---:: . : .--. *: . :: _ : .'.' `:. . : :__. : . .' : '.`: : : : -. : `._ `.______.' _.' '`._ .' ' jgs `. `'' .' ``-......-'' `. ``` .' `---' `-----' >SMILES It was Palm Sunday, and Sue's three year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, Jesus shows up!" ---------- There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define 'great' he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for IRS writing tax regulations. ---------- A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied readily. 'Tell him, Mother didn't come after all." ---------- An blond went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots. The owner replied, "Sorry, I don't have any at the moment." "Darn and blast!" said the blonde, "I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot explained the Blond. "Well" said the owner, "if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I'll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed," "Darn and blast!" said the blonde, "I can't come on that day or for some time after." "Why not?" Asked the owner. "Because that is the day I'm having my leg amputated!" ---------- A young Jew and an old Jew are riding on a bus in Jerusalem. The young Jew asks, "Excuse me, sir, what time is it?" The old Jew doesn't answer. "Excuse me, sir," the young Jew asks again, "what time is it?" The old Jew still doesn't answer. "Sir, forgive me for interrupting you all the time, but i really want to know what time it is. Why won't you answer me?" The old Jew says, "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, according to our Jewish tradition, I must invite you to my home. You're handsome and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you'll want to get married. So you tell me, why would I want a son-in-law who can't even afford a watch?" ---------- As I picked out flowers for my mother, I noticed a man next to me juggling three boxes of candy and a large bouquet. "What did you do wrong?" I said with a laugh. He mumbled back, "I got married." ---------- The class assignment was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his, "Papa fell in the well last week" he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Koop. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said little Johnny. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday." ---------- When the wife and I went down to the Georgia coast a couple of months ago, we decided to stay in one of those quaint little bed & breakfasts. The clerk asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub. "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down." ---------- During our travels as a training team, my husband and I stayed overnight with a single lady in her mobile home. Before retiring, my husband thought he should check the hot water provisions since all three of us needed to attend an early meeting the next morning. He asked our hostess if there would be enough hot water for more than one shower in the morning. "I really don't know," she admitted. "I've never taken two in a row!" ------- __ __ / '. .' \ | |`\ \ / /`| | \.--' '-' '--./ .' .-'"'"'-. '. / .-(((( ))))-. \ .' / =/_o/___\o_\= \ '. .' / .-' '-. \ '. / / / \ \ \ / | \ \ / / | \ | \ /-`.__.__.`-\ / | \ \ ` \.-./ ` / / \ '-._ , '-' , _.-' / '. /()`'-'-=-'-'`()\ .' jgs `/`\ '()()()()()() /`\` Teacher: If you have 10 muffins and your friend takes 2 of them, how many muffins would you have left? Me: 10 Teacher: Okay, let me try again. You have 10 muffins. What if your friend takes 2 of your muffins, how many would you have left? Me: Still 10 muffins... and 1 injured friend. --- ...Oh Gee! HaHA! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- _._ .' `. | | "=======" $ ^ ^ $ ` # ' `._.' _.'< ' >'-._ .' \ / ' / v \ / . .: . | . `' .: ` ' : ` :. `. : :. ` / \ : : < ) / \ : : : ` `*=---=* . / : ) | ' ` ) \` `.' :; | ( `\-. \( / |. \ ) ) ` ( `-' _Y- `'\' \ | )\ ) : ) \ : . \ ` | \ ` , ( : . :' \ \ ` | . \ : | ' ) \ \ : ) .' mb \ .' | | ( a:f \ (__| (__) \ .__.--..' ; | `-..--.--, \ +._____.-=__] [__.--===::-' >Two for the road... * PARKING TICKET: My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a**hole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "s*ithead." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We always look for cars with Bernie Sanders stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age!! ------- * I golf on Fridays After 40 years of marriage Doug and Mary went in for counseling. When asked what the problem was, Mary went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 40 years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and asking Mary to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband Doug watched - with a raised eyebrow. Mary, shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to Doug and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays... but I golf on Fridays... --- ...Oh for goodness sake! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: |\ | \ | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| |#####| jro\ >LAUNDRY Tips: * Washing non-colorfast garments: Epsom salts will help prevent running and fading of non- colorfast items. Add 1 teaspoon Epsom salts per gallon of wash water for the first wash. * Setting Colors: To set the colors in new cottons and keep them bright, soak them overnight in lightly salted water, or a weak solution of vinegar and water. * Brilliant Brightener: A nifty clothes brightener is cream of tartar. It's easier on the fabric than many bleaches, which is great for washing delicates. Just mix 2 teaspoons cream of tarter in 1 gallon of hot water and soak garments for 4 or 5 hours, then wash as usual. * For whiter socks skip the bleach: Soak them in hot water mixed with a half cup of lemon juice. Soaking them in baking soda and water works pretty well, too. * Reduce Drying Time: When your wash cycle is complete, remove lightweight garments and place them in the dryer. Run your heavier items through the spin cycle one more time. This will reduce the moisture in the heavy items while the light items dry faster on their own. If you only have a few items to dry, pop a thick, dry towel into the dryer with them. The towel will help absorb a lot of the moisture. -<>- >Carpet Tips: * Removing carpet stains If the carpet stain is still wet, try pouring a little club soda on the stained area. Wait a moment and blot until the moisture is absorbed. Never rub a carpet to soak up liquid that has been spilled. Using as much dry cloth as you need, blot the area until most of the liquid has been absorbed. * Fighting carpet stains If you don't find the stain right away, mix a diluted solution of vinegar, soap and water. Dampen a cloth with this solution and press firmly against the stain for a minute. Blot dry with a rinse cloth. Shaving cream is a great emergency carpet-stain remover. Use on ketchup, chocolate, tea, coffee and wine. Salt is also great for absorbing mud stains. Sprinkle it liberally on fresh stains and allow to soak up the moisture. Then vacuum. -<>- _____ | D | | | | \___| _ || _______ -( (- |_'(-------) '-' | / _____,-\__..__|_____Pr59 >Toilet Tips: Remove toilet rings with a paste of lemon juice and borax. Allow to set before scrubbing away. You might also try pouring a little white vineger into the toilet bowl, let it stand for an hour, then brush and flush. Your teeth aren't the only thing that mouthwash can clean. According to experts, using the breath freshener as a toilet bowl cleaner can also return your toilet to its former porcelain white color. Just pour a quarter cup of the breath freshener into the toilet, let it sit for 30 to 45 minutes, and scrub away. But mouthwash might be even more expensive than toilet bowl cleaner! If you want to try a cheaper solution, Coca-Cola is supposed to make a good cleaner. Once again, just let it sit for an hour or two and then flush. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: Yet another environmentally-friendly toilet cleaner is vitamin C. Depending on how bad the stain is, simply drop 2 or 3 tablets in the water. Let it stand for 2 or 3 hours and flush! If you have hard water make sure you use a commercial water softener or washing soda. Soft water is much easier on fabrics than hard water, and repeated hard water use will turn whites gray. In addition to saving garments, soft water will save you money because you need less detergent. If you are using washing soda for the first time, GO EASY on the detergent! While carpeting makes a room feel nice and cozy, it is a lot of work, and a lot of people are going back to hard wood floors. If you're sick and tired of dealing with stains and vacuuming, remember your old carpeting can be recycled. Carpets are full of complex fibers that make them impossible to break down in landfills. And because carpet is made from multiple components with different chemical makeups, it's tough to recycle properly. Despite complications, nearly all types of carpet can be recycled. Depending on the fiber, carpet can be broken down and used to make a new product. A lack of infrastructure means carpet recycling procedures are always case by case, depending on what the carpet is made of and where you live. Your personal carpet dealer is a great place to start to find local solutions. Some companies will pick up your carpet, but only if you live close to their facility. CARE (Carpet America Recovery Effort) is a nonprofit organization working to develop the infrastructure needed to recycle carpet efficiently across the U.S. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Fox Host Jesse Watters Blasts Dem With FACTS https://tinyurl.com/y3lbwwjf Bernie Sanders Tells Supporters That Biden Wants ‘To Buy This Election’ https://tinyurl.com/yy5ejnta The Latest Job Killing Proposal From Dems https://tinyurl.com/y4xr4rlz Westwing News: House Democrats Resist a Win for American Workers “President Trump and the leaders of Canada and Mexico announced the most significant trade deal in a generation a year ago this week. The U.S.-Mexico-Canada Agreement is unambiguously a win for America. It would create new jobs, expand export markets, strengthen protections for workers, and generate billions of dollars in new prosperity,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) and House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) write in The Wall Street Journal. “The U.S. Senate stands ready, willing and eager to pass it. There’s only one obstacle, which has been on full display in the last several days: House Democrats have been more interested in picking fights with the White House than clinching bipartisan victories for America. Under pressure from progressives to deny the country any successes during the Trump administration, Speaker Nancy Pelosi has tried to run out the clock on the USMCA,” they write. “If Mrs. Pelosi and House Democrats tank this trade deal because they don’t like the occupant of the White House, ‘Trump derangement syndrome’ will no longer be some Beltway curiosity. It will have drained potential prosperity from all 50 states and killed a huge number of American jobs.” https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ Study Finds Transgender Athletes Have Advantages In Women’s Sports, Even After 12 Months Of Hormone Therapy https://tinyurl.com/y2s5lggd Jerry Brown Joins China To Combat Climate Change, Dings Trump For Being A Climate Skeptic https://tinyurl.com/y626chga Twerking Takes Over D.C. Climate Change Protests https://tinyurl.com/y2fs8fu3 WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Candy, Vehicles, Dishwashers http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: Arsenic Found in Water http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: If a camel sat on you, what would be your first reaction? I bet you wouldn't do what the woman in today's story did, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Did you know that there are truck stops that feature exotic animal exhibits? There is a truck stop in Louisiana called Tiger Truck Stop. For years it was famous for exhibiting a tiger named Tony. That's where the truck stop got its name. But when poor Tony died new laws kept the owners from acquiring another tiger. So they started populating their parking lot zoo with other exotic animals, like a few South American coatis and a camel named Caspar. It was this truck stop that a Florida truck driver and her husband pulled into recently. The pair travel with their pet dog, and all three of them were interested in seeing the camel. Problems arose when a man began tossing treats inside Caspar's enclosure, leading the dog to hop the fence to go after them. So the man and his wife decided to crawl underneath the fence, past the sign that said 'No Trespassing,' and retrieve the dog from Caspar's territory themselves. The man started 'swatting' at Caspar, trying to push him out of the way while his wife bent down to pick up her pet. That's when the camel sat on her. Trapped beneath the camel, the woman apparently did the only thing that made sense in the moment. "I bit his balls to get him off of me, I bit his testicles to get him off of me," she told police. Apparently it worked, but since Caspar weighs over 600 pounds the woman was taken to an area hospital. Deputies cited the unidentified couple for criminal trespassing and for not having their dog on a leash. No serious injuries to the camel were reported. -<>- North Carolina police have apparently arrested a man for beating them in a donut-eating contest. The Elizabeth City man celebrated out-eating the police officers, only to find out that he couldn't outrun them. 24-year-old Bradley Herbert Hardison was arrested one day after he won the adult division of a doughnut-eating contest at the Elizabeth City Police Department's National Night Out Against Crime. Hardison ate eight doughnuts in 2 minutes, beating a group that included local police officers and firefighters. Oh, the Camden County Sheriff's Office SAID they had been looking for Hardison in connection with two break-ins, but Sheriff Tony Perry admitted that nothing was taken during these "break-ins". And, of course, couldn't explain why a man would show up at a Police donut-eating contest the day after committing so-called crimes in that very same neighborhood. In addition to the Camden County charges, Hardison is charged with felony larceny and breaking and entering, because humiliating cops at the one thing they do best (other than setting up speed traps) isn't a crime. *--- Michigan Woman Shoots Herself In Face ---* A Michigan woman who tried to use a shotgun to "make a point" during a family argument ended up shooting herself in the face. After grabbing the gun, the Fremont Township woman slammed its butt-end onto the floor, causing the gun to go off and fire into her face. When police responded after receiving reports of a gunshot victim, they found the 51-year-old with a facial wound. She reportedly told officers that she wanted to use the firearm to "make a point." The woman was taken to St. Mary's of Michigan in Saginaw and she is expected to make a full recovery. Michigan police will continue to investigate the incident, but no charges have been filed at this time. Point taken. *--- Turns Out He Was Just Happy To See You ---* A British man was put in a very awkward situation this week when he was accused of stealing items from a shop and putting them into his pants. According to The Scottish Sun, Steve Whitehurst was shopping at a store in Stoke-on-Trent, England, when a manager "asked about his bulge." Whitehurst claims he told her it was his privates. "Eventually I dropped my trousers in front of everyone and just stood there in my boxer shorts and said, 'See, I've got nothing to hide'" Reportedly, she kept pestering him, and he finally went to another room and showed the security guard that he wasn't stealing anything, and that the bulge was all natural. The store claims that nobody told him he had to show his privates, but that he did it himself. Well, if you're carrying around a package like that, you'd want to show it off too. *--- Couple Receives 25,000 Ecstasy Pills in the Mail ---* An Austrian couple expecting a dress in the mail opened a large package that arrived at their home and instead found nearly 25,000 ecstasy tablets. Upper Austria Police said a 58-year-old woman in Linz bought a dress online from a Netherlands retailer and opened the package she thought would contain the garment. The box turned out to contain thousands of what she initially thought were decorate stones, but her 59-year-old husband soon suspected to be drugs. The couple returned the package to the post office and police determined the box's contents were 24,800 ecstasy tablets, with an estimated street value of nearly $550,000. If the couple were smart the box would have contained 50,000 ecstasy tablets. *--- Spotted Cows Go Home ---* A runaway herd of spotted cows made a late-night visit to a Wisconsin brewery famous for its Spotted Cow beer before being captured. The New Glarus Brewing Co. shared security camera footage on Facebook showing the 16 Holstein cows that unexpectedly made an appearance in the brewery's parking lot in the early hours Monday. "Yes, this actually happened -- some spotted cows came to visit the home of Spotted Cow!" the post said, referring to its popular Spotted Cow beer. "There were no damages. They ate a bunch of our grass," reported Drew Cochrane, chief operating officer of New Glarus Brewing Co.. "We had a little cleaning up to do after they left, it's fair to say." The cows were rounded up and safely returned to their owner. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: //_____ __ @ )====// .\___ \#\_\__(_/_\\_/ / / \\ Jiri Matejicek >A Drink Named After You A grasshopper hops into a bar and jumps up on a barstool. The bartender looks at him and starts laughing and says, "Hey! We got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper gives the bartender a dirty look and says, "You got a drink named Hank?" -<>- >Random Funny Lines If we shouldn't eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge? I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me. Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers it's the whole sentence. I never make mistakes. I thought I did once; but I was wrong. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case. A plateau is the highest form of flattery. I hate Russian dolls...they're so full of themselves! I intend to live forever... or die trying. At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted? I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels. -<>- >The Earring A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense". The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck." -<>- >An Irish Wedding At the wedding reception someone yelled... "Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death. -<>- n n .'_`= ='_e. .e/ \e. .-e ( ) e-. .e . e) (e ,e`. ,-<.--'\|> /|/`--.>-, |\ ,| / | /| a:f >Q and A Quickies Q: What do you call a story told by a giraffe? A: A tall tale! Q: Why is fabric softener so popular? A: It makes people ex-static. Q: Want to hear a construction joke? A: Oh, never mind, I'm still working on that one. Q: You know what I saw today? A: Everything I looked at. ,| / ; / \ : ,'( |( `.\ : \ `\ \. \ `. | `. \ `-._ ; \ \ ``-.'.. _ `._ `. `-. ```-...__ .'`. --.. ``-..____ ,'.-'`,_-._ (((( -->From CleanLaffs: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone. He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, don't you like your beer cold? Why don't you start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low." The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Austria and one in Ireland. We made a vow to each other when they moved away that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers too, and we're drinking together." The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I hope nothing has happened to one of your brothers." The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking." -<>- I tried to explain to a client why I couldn't help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn't know. "Let's say you're asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I'm fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don't understand Chinese, I'm not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?" He said he did and thanked me. The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, "Why is So-and-So asking us if we're fluent in Chinese?" -<>- Today marks the 35th anniversary of the death of Sir Douglas Bader and I couldn't let it pass without this story about the Royal Air Force hero. He was giving a talk at an upmarket girl's school about his time as a pilot in the Second World War. "So there were two of the f***ers behind me, three f***ers to my right, and another f***er on the left," he told the audience. The headmistress went pale and interjected: "Ladies, the Fokker was a German aircraft." Sir Douglas replied, "That is true, madam, but these f***ers were in Messerschmitts." -<>- Suspecting he had a serious medical condition, I nagged my husband until he agreed to see a doctor. Once there, he was handed a mountain of forms to fill out. Next to "Reason for visit?" he wrote, "My wife made me." -<>- Nancy was Catholic, but her fiance, Chris, was not. Since my friends were planning to be married in the Catholic Church, Chris made sure to listen carefully throughout their prenuptial sessions. At one meeting the priest turned to Chris and told him, "Since you are not Catholic, we shall have the ceremony without Eucharist." Later that day, Chris was noticeably upset, so Nancy asked what was wrong. "I don't understand," he said. "How can we have the ceremony without me?" -<>- ___ # /_,/\ |/ ? /" ( | , )\ .Y___ / /__/\ \____ \(__ ,- / \_/ \ / (\ |/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----' '-' |\/ b'ger Mary and her friend Jill are sitting by themselves in a bar having a drink. Mary says, "Jill, did you notice there are two guys sitting alone at the bar over there?" "So?" Jill asks. "Well, we're two women sitting alone over here at a table, and there are two men sitting alone at the bar. What do you think that adds up to?" Jill shrugs her shoulders, "Four losers?" ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: Muttley! .ee._ , /$$$$$$e. '. /$$.$'$$$$$. \ |$/$$$$$$$$$\ ""--._|_ |/$'$$$$$$\"*' .ee. .-" _""*$$$$$$)"-' /$$$$ee/ A \|'-)"" \"**' |$$$$$/|/ '-e$* _\ \"-. /$$$$$|" $$.- ."\'\ \ '. |$$$$$|\ (_$/ / /.-"\ \ \, \ \$A/\|"-_"' -" '\ \ |/ \ /-"" " \--| / \ .-"""""- | || \ .-" |_|/ \ .' _.sjw. |/ | . | / .e$$$$$$$$) | / | \ | .e$$$$$$$$$$/ .-._/ | | \ \ \$$***$$/ ) \ / | | | \ '*( \/ ."__ \/ ,"| / | /"-._) "" \ .-"." / / | / -"/__. --./--".-" | / | | /../\ )--"" |. , / / \ """/| "-" , /\ /||\/ / "-.__.-" | | |\| /-, / / | \ ) | /| | |, \ . --"| / / / / \\ '.'-." / / / || \\ "" / .' /- |\ . \ . /." ".' |/\ \ . \ . / . / _.-' ' \ \ |\, |, /|/| /|,/__,7 \|\|\\\ |\|/ | |/ "V .-',' \ '-.\ V / V |-. "-.\ |" /_..--. ( /". | .--) V _A "-. \ "---""" ". ) ." '-.." " >Bob Hope humor: ON TURNING 70: "You still chase women, but only downhill." ON TURNING 80: "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing." ON TURNING 90: "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." ON TURNING 100: "I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING: "I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them." ON SAILORS: "They spend the first six days of each week sowing their wild oats; then they go to church on Sunday, and pray for crop failure." ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR: "Welcome to the Academy Awards; or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'." ON GOLF: "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees." ON PRESIDENTS: "I have performed for twelve presidents, and entertained only six." ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER: "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'." ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL: "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it." ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY: "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother." ON HIS SIX BROTHERS: "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom." ON HIS EARLY FAILURES: "I would not have had anything to eat, if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me." ON GOING TO HEAVEN: "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality. -<>- I saw this on some standup on TV. The comedian, George Wallace, said that some college subjects are very different - ?like math and weather forecasting. If you ask a weather student a question, the answer has wiggle room. What?s 4 + 3? Nearly 7 With a 20% chance of 8? and the possibility of 9 in outlying areas. -<>- A hearse was taking a man to the cemetery on the top of a mountain overlooking a small town. The driver took a curve too quickly causing the casket to roll out of the back and down a very long hill. There happened to be a pharmacy at the bottom of the hill and the casket rolled through the open door, down one of the aisles and right past the pharmacy counter. As it rolled by, a head peeked out of the casket and asked the pharmacist, "Do you have anything to stop this coffin?" -<>- Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.'' "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager. "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. ''Simple,'' said the department manager, ''Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.''' -<>- _(\__/)_ _.=.___.-" /| | / | | \ | | | \| : / / | _| ( / | (\ .' /) uu /| V \/ / . ( |// | | ( |/ \ . \| /7._||/ | (/ (| ____ | \ / \ / (^/ (^/ jjs Question: Why is PETA more violently opposed to fur than leather? Answer: It?s easier to harass a rich women that a motor cycle gang. -<>- Q. Why is something that's messy said to be "in a shambles"? A. Shambles comes from the Latin word for bench: scamnum. By the Middle Ages it had become "shamble" and was used to describe the board on a trestle that butchers used to cut and display meat. Eventually the plural form, shambles, described a meat market or slaughterhouse. The modern meaning comes from the scene in a market or slaughterhouse: carcasses and body parts and blood strewn all over the place. -<>- + A_ /\-\ jgs _||"|_ ~^~^~^~^ A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around and, for the first time in months, everybody gave. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Useless Signs 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uselesssigns2.html Beautiful Paris! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beautifulparis.html Owned By Trees! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treeowned.html Animal Friends 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends7.html Amazing Animal Facts 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfacts2.html God's Sky Paintings 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gsky2.html Look Who's Talking 11! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking11.html Right Angle Photography 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto4.html Bucket List 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist2.html Extreme Noodling!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noodling.html Buildings In Camouflage!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingshiding.html Cool Optical Illusions!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/optical.html Tornado And Rainbow!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tornadoandrainbow.html Fall And Halloween Index Page!- https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- ZSL London Zoo - Boo at The Zoo And More https://www.zsl.org/zsl-london-zoo 9 to 5 Cafe Circa 2000 http://www.9to5cafe.com/ T-Bone - BBQ http://www.boneland.com/toys/hiw/ 128,000 Dominoes Falling into past a journey around the world 2 Guinness World Records) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLRjiiAawGg Aww - Funny and Cute Animals Compilation 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqHKyxywWzw -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Hoop aerialist Matthew Richardson impresses the judges and audience with his incredible performance at America's Got Talent 2019. https://youtu.be/YTLVe8YdXzs Eric Chien, the current world champion for close-up magic, performs some of the most beautiful magic we have ever seen. https://youtu.be/x88RLbi0kzk Magician Teller performs one of his amazing magic illusions. with an amazing ending. https://youtu.be/9ByGtdqiUz8 --- ...Super! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) George Carlin - Saving the Planet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7W33HRc1A6c&feature=youtu.be RayStevens - The Global Warming Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORyzsMZPPUg&feature=youtu.be --- ...LOL! These are So Funny! Love em! Thanks Cloie! Here's the OTHER side for you - like always no solutions just join us and fight, fight, fight to get our way... no wonder regular people are sick of them and their ways. Tired of Democrats hypocrisy too. What Do Climate Activists Want From You? https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=6&v=ir3FYmYu7yY ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I read that white giraffes were just caught on video for the first time ever. Researchers knew that they were white, cuz they were drinking pumpkin spice lattes." -Jimmy Fallon "The Italian restaurant chain 'Villa Italian Kitchen' is adding a new pumpkin spice pizza to its menu. And if you like that, you're gonna love Starbucks' new Linguini Mocha." -Seth Meyers "Microsoft founder Bill Gates gave a speech yesterday. And in that speech, he apologized for making the ctrl-alt-delete function on computers so complicated. But then he added, I mean, I'm as sorry as I can be about something that made me $85 billion." -James Corden "I read that Taco Bell will start serving alcohol at some locations. So the next time you think that YOU'RE having a bad day, imagine the guy who gets cut off by the cashier at Taco Bell." -Jimmy Fallon "Eighty years ago today, J. R. R. Tolkien's book 'The Hobbit' was released. To give you an idea what 80 years feels like, watch the movie." -Seth Meyers "I saw that Dunkin' Donuts just introduced its first gluten-free menu item. It's perfect for people who care about what they put in their body, but also don't." -Jimmy Fallon "Apple is exploring ways to turn Siri into people's personal therapist. In fact, this morning when I asked Siri for today's weather she said, 'Stop trying to replace your father.'" -Conan O'Brien "An 83-year-old grandfather in California recently pushed a suspected burglar off his roof. Neighbors are calling it shocking while the roofer is calling it the last time he works on that house." -Seth Meyers "More people have died taking selfies than have been killed by sharks. My policy is, you should treat selfies like you treat drinking. Try not to do it alone, definitely don't do it while you're driving, and if you take more than two or three a day, you should probably seek help." -James Corden "Is there a difference between being locked in and being locked out?" ?-Jodi Picoult "If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we would all be millionaires." - Abigail Van Buren "The best time to make friends is before you need them." - Ethel Barrymore "There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep." - Ralph Waldo Emerson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************