Don't Step On A Duck ... :) Shangy! >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Been a busy weekend. I was able to update the FUN URLS Page here: Fun URLs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html And added more cool animations to the Animated Library Page Here: Animated Gifs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html And we had a new page... >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press! _ . , . . * / \_ * / \_ _ * * /\'__ * / \ / \, (( . _/ / \ *'. . /\/\ /\/ :' __ \_ ` _^/ ^/ `--. / \/ \ _/ \-'\ * /.' ^_ \_ .'\ * /\ .- `. \/ \ /==~=-=~=-=-;. _/ \ -. `_/ \ / `-.__ ^ / .-'.--\ =-=~_=-=~=^/ _ `--./ .-' `- /jgs `. / / `.~-^=-=~=^=.-' '-._ `._ This one comes from our friend Jo Ann. Here's one of God's creation given to us to make us say 'awesome!' It is the world's highest waterfall! Angel Falls http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelfalls.html Be sure to check out the video at the end - it lets you see the falls in action! --- ...A Super Duper Thank You Jo Ann! Absolutely beautiful! ============================================================ >-->From TheFunnyBone: The New Office Help A blonde was recently hired at the office. Her _..,----,.._ first task was to go out and get coffee for .-;'-.,____,.-'; everyone. Eager to prove her worth to her new (( | | bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried `)) ; to the nearby coffee shop. She held up the ` \ / thermos so that the counterman could view it .-' `,.____.,' '-. and she asked, "Is this big enough to hold ( '------' ) six cups of coffee?" `-=..________..--' The counterman looked at the thermos and replied, "Yes. It looks like about six cups to me." "Oh good!", the blonde sighed in relief, "Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf." =================================================================== +----------------- Bizarre Warning Labels -----------------+ "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." - Found on an electric rotary tool. "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." - Found on a can of under- arm deoderant. "Do not drive with sunshield in place." - Found on a card- board sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." - Found on a pack- age of airline peanuts. "Not intended for highway use." - Found on a 13-inch wheel for a wheelbarrow. "Kills all kinds of insects. Warning: This spray is harmful to bees." - Found on a can of insecticide. "WARNING: Contents flammable." - Found on a container of lighter fluid. "Do not use orally." - Found on a toilet-bowl cleaning brush. "Please keep out of children." - Found on a butcher knife. "Warning: Do not use on eyes." - Found in the manual for a heated seat cushion. =============================================================== >-->Martin Luther King, Jr. ======;===========;() #######:::::: #######:::::: #######:::::: jgs #######:::::: ############# (January 19, 2009 is MLK Day) ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# >Streets: \_/ .:' .:' .:' -=(_)=- /\|| /\|| /\|| / \ //\\| //\\| //\\| // \\ // \\ // \\ // \^/ \^/ \\ |[] []|[] []|[] []| &| || % || | || |% "jgs"&%&--==--&%-==--%&"""""%&%"""" * In 2006, Derek Alderman, a cultural geographer at East Carolina University, reported that more than 730 American cities had named a street after King. 70% of these streets were in seven Southern states: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, and Texas. King's home state of Georgia had the most, with 105 streets. Only 11 states in the country did not have a street named after King.[3] There are also a number of other countries that have honored King, including no less than ten cities in Italy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streets_named_after_Martin_Luther_King,_Jr. -<>- >Quotes: "A man who won't die for something is not fit to live." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "I have a dream that one day ... the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: -- "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."" - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we, as a people, will get to the promised land." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "We all came on different ships, but we are in the same boat now." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) "We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929 - 1968) ===================================================================== >-->From TheMouth: New Years Resolutions You Can Keep _..@._ .' `\ / - - | / a a /, , | ^ D) ) ||\ , \ .__, /'. '. |\`,'/ .-';`-.___..;.-'\ \ \ _| / | .` _.; | -.`| \ _.-'| | \ ' \ 2 | . .' | | '._/`; 0 \ / /___\. / \ 0 \ | .`;,' _\_ | \ 9 '.| _/___|_/_|_}_ /\__ ' `'. '; \___________/ | ',`'-.,_'. \ | | \/`'. ._,;`'. \ | HAPPY | \ `\.' `| \ || NEW | | .' /-`\/| YEAR! | ;.' . _.'` / || | .' ,-' / / ;`-------`; / .'`; \ ( '._ _.' \ ( \ ` )`'`( \_,()))) jgs .' '. `"""""""""` Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point: Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Read less. Makes you think. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. Spend more time at work. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. Get in a whole NEW rut! Personal goal: Bring back disco. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Get further in debt. Break at least one traffic law. Associate with even worse business clients. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them. Wait around for opportunity. Focus on the faults of others. Mope about my faults. Never make New Year's resolutions again. ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend PatH: I just love this!!! We can all make our decisions for what they are worth whether or not we've stepped on a duck. hahaha Enjoy this. lol lol lol Pat .-""-. / \ _.-'\ o | ;-. '._._)__, | _..,_ ,_\_ `'._.. / ; .--""`` __/_ \ ` \/ \ / -.___/ `--,' / './ `'-,_/ \` .' | -' , `-;._/ `"``'-'\ '-._/--' '. \ `\ \ )`.-, \ `-. ( '._ / ;`;----.. _.--'` / / \ \ .---' ( ) '-. jgs ).-' \ .-'.' | `'-.-'` )_.-._/ >Don`t Step On The Ducks Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" __...---..._ /) .-' .'^;._ .' .' . '. /.-'-._ .' ' '. '. .' ' `\ .-""-. \/_.._ : \ / \ //-. ' | _.-'\ o | // \/.----. | ;-. '._._)__, | // ` _;.,_`\/ ,_\_ `'._.-. / ; // .--""`` __/_ \ ` \/ \// / -.___/ `--,' / './ `'-,_/ \` .' , | -' , `-;._/ `"``'-'-\ '-._/--' '. \ , '. \ )`.-, // //\ `-. ( ||_// '._ / '--' _ ;`;----.. _.--'` (( `/ /. .-\ \--. jgs |`==./_)) ((__\_\_)) .-'`-=..__/ .-;______,| ((______ // ((_______ // '=======` `========' So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. .-""-. / \ | o /'-._ _,.._ | ,__(_._.' .-; _\__ ``""--. ; \ .._.'` _/_, \___.- \ / \/ ` / \_,-'` \.' \ ',--' \_.;-` , '- | '. `/ '--\_.-' /'-'``"`__ / .' __.' '. ,-.`( / /` (__} o ) .-') ) .-' / '.__. /` .' \ _.' (`''') _.'--`) `'--._ ..----;`; `-.{ / / / \ \ \ /` .-' ( ) '---. _/'-\-` | '.'-. / '-.( )_/ /`| jgs \_.-._( `'-.-'` `-` Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" .-"""-. _.---..-; :.) ;"" \/ __..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._ `-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J bug The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. .-""-. / \ | o /'-._ _,.._ | ,__(_._.' .-; _\__ ``""--. ; \ .._.'` _/_, \___.- \ / \/ ` / \_,-'` \.' \ ',--' \_.;-` , '- | '. `/ '--\_.-' /'-'``"` / .' ,-.`( / /` ) .-' / \ _.' `'--._ ..----;`; / / \ \ .-' ( ) '---. | '.'-. / '-.( jgs \_.-._( `'-.-'` The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and a pure hunk. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" .""```'. / \ \ / / `\__/ | .' _ _| \(` 6 6 | _\ | | \ __ / | '.__/ .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- The guy says, "I don't know about you, __ .' `. |o_o | \<_)__/ /( )\ |\`> < /\ jgs \_|=='|_/ but I stepped on a duck!" --- .-"""-. _.---..-; :.) ;"" \/ __..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._ `-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J bug ...TeeHee - Thanks Pat! Just his luck to have stepped on a duck!! ====================================================================== >-->From The Jokester: .-""-. /) (\ ,;;;, ( ' \' ) // \\\\ \ = / ( ' ' ) jgs )--( \_=_/ >Essential Personality Test This is a set of essential personality tests to prepare you for Christmas and for your New Year's resolutions: 1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. (5 points) 2. You steal light bulbs from your neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out) 3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points) 4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. (1 point for each piece of sticky candy - If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points) 5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Wal-Mart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends. (5 points for each infraction) 6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day, claiming you are stuck in a phone booth. (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone) 7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party) 8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own. (Southern California only, others ignore: 5 points) 9. After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made. (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year) 10. Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no. (20 points) Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100. 20-30: You are just a cheese ball. 30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets. 50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived. -<>- ________ |.------.| || MD ()|| //// ||____/\|| F..( '--------' _\ _/ .-----/ '-'`\-----. | '.'.| |__|\ \.'.'| |_'_'__\\ \\_\'_'| |\______/ / |'-'___\ |-----/_/|_|------| jgs| \_)\_) | >Fun Things To Do On a Date Warning: Actually doing any of the following will absolutely, positively guarantee that your date will run quickly away from you screaming something about you being completely insane... 1. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice. 2. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 3. Repeat every third third word you say say. 4. Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date. 5. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds. 6. Order a bucket of lard. 7. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths. 8. Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself. 9. When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food. 10. Without asking, eat off of your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do. 11. Ask the people at the neighboring table for food from their plates. 12. Drool. 13. Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full, and spray crumbs. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation." 14. Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your date finally finds you, ask him/her "What took you so long in the bathroom?!" 15. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their forearm. Keep bringing the subject up periodically throughout the meal. 16. Refuse to communicate in anything but mime for the entire evening. 17. Order a baked potato. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato, have the first one back on your plate. Watch the waiter's face. 18. Order your food by colors and textures. Sculpt. 19. Insist that the waiter cut your food into little pieces. In a similar manner, insist that he take a bite of everything to make sure no one has poisoned your food. 20. Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill. -<>- ..@@@@@@@.. .@@@@@@@@@@/@@@@. @@@@@@@@@@@/@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@' '@@@@@ @@@@@@' `@@@ @@@' .--. .--. @@ @ (()__) (_()_) @ (( / \ )) | (_ _) | jgs \ __.-. / '._ '--' _.' `-------' >Famous Last Words * I'll get a world record for this.. * It's fireproof. * He's probably just hibernating. * What does this button do? * It's probably just a rash. * Are you sure the power is off? * Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? * The odds of that happening have to be a million to one! * Pull the pin and count to what? * Which wire was I supposed to cut? * I wonder where the mother bear is. * I've seen this done on TV. * These are the good kind of mushrooms. * I'll hold it and you light the fuse. * Let it down slowly. * Rat poison only kills rats. * It's strong enough for both of us. * This doesn't taste right. * I can make this light before it changes. * Nice doggie. * I can do that with my eyes closed. * I've done this before. * Well, we've made it this far. * That's odd. * You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? * Don't be so superstitious. * Now watch this. -<>- _ /-\ \_/ /\8/\ || : || || : || (| : |) | : | |_:_| ||| jgs (/ \) Eddy was dying. His wife, Carol, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, with tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Carol," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." In his tired voice, "I have something I must confess to you." There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Carol. "Everything's alright, just go to sleep." No, no. I must die in peace, Carol I...I cheated on you!" I know," Carol whispered as she softly stroked his forehead. "Relax now...just let the poison work". -<>- .---. /` ___|`\ |_/ \| ( -/- ) \_ - _/ .-'|_|'-. / \ / O \ / _____!_____ \ /.-------------.\ \| ,;, |/ | ;;; | | ;;;;;;;;; | | `';;;'` | | ;;; | | ;;; | | ::: | | ';' | | | _| _ __ __ _|_ jgs_/ _ __ ___ __ _\_ _/ __ ___ _ ___ __ _ \_ Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?" Bob said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man. " Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher who made a huge difference in people's lives." Chuck said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!" -<>- An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you. "The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." -<>- John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Barney." "But I thought you hated Barney," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!" -<>- A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison." ================================================================== >-->From Our Friends Del, Casey, & MrWu :) _ __ / \Y \ __/______\__ `~~// 6 6\~~` C 7 | \ '='/ \__/ /\ |\ .-`\_\_//\ Who Is This Jesus /-. `|o |\ __ | | | | \ |\/ / | | |o | \ /`\_/ | | | | Y / | | |o |\ / \ \ | | `--' \ \__|o_| `\ /I=[]=| |`/ ) | \ : | | |: | | |: | | |: ) ) \'.|, | |: || | |: || | |: || | |:_||_| |===|==| | | | jgs |& \ \ *( , `'-.'-. `"`"""""`""` Groom Texas... Del sent us a forward of a page we have already here: Who Is This Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html If you haven't seen this, be sure to check it out! Thanks for this cool reminder Del! ================================================================ >-->Late Show Top Ten .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=._`=./ `"` Top Ten Barack Obama Plans To Fix The Economy 10. Encourage tourists to throw spare change in the Grand Canyon 9. End our dependence on foreign owls 8. Sell New Mexico to Mexico 7. Put a little of that bailout money on the Ravens plus 3 at Tennessee. Come on! It's a mortal lock! 6. Rent out the moon for weddings and bar mitzvahs 5. Lotto our way out of this son-of-a-bitch 4. Appear on "Deal or No Deal" and hope to choose the right briefcase 3. Bail out the adult film industry — not sure how it helps, but it can't hurt 2. Release O.J. from prison, have him steal America's money from China 1. Stop talkin' and start Obama-natin'! ============================================================== >-->In The Wordly News: >From OneNewsnow: Hate crimes bill - a threat to biblical teaching http://www.onenewsnow.com/Politics/Default.aspx?id=379590 AFA: Family advocacy group announces Pepsi boycott - PepsiCo gives $1,000,000 to help promote the gay agenda Company forces employees to attend sexual orientation classes http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=379832 More taxpayer money for abortions? http://www.onenewsnow.com/Politics/Default.aspx?id=379650 -<>- >Campbell's goes gay - From AFA: AFA asked Campbell’s to be neutral in the culture war. Campbell’s refused and said it would continue to support The Advocate. The Media Daily News reported that a Campbell spokesman was quoted as saying: “Our plans for the Swanson brand [a division of Campbell’s] include additional placements in The Advocate." To show their commitment to same-sex marriage, Campbell's sought out and featured two "married" lesbians and their son in one of the ads. Take Action! * Campbell is blocking AFA e-mails. However, you can send a personally written e-mail directly to Chrm. Donant by sending it here. douglas_r_conant@campbellsoup.com After sending your e-mail, please call Campbell Soup Company (1-800-257-8443) and its Swanson division (1-800-442-7684) and express your disappointment that Campbell's is supporting same-sex marriage. * Forward this e-mail to your friends and family. -<>- >From ConsumersUnion: _....._ ';-.--';' }===={ _.---.._ .' _|_ '. ';-..--'; /:: (_|_` \ `}===={ |:: ,_|_) | .: _|_ '. \::. | /_;:_ (_|_` \ '::_ _-;'--.-';_|_) | ````` }====={ | / .' _|_ '. _.' /:: (_|_` \`` |:: ,_|_) | \::. | / jgs '::_ _.' `````` Are you ready for the economic recovery package for the rest of us? While we continue to debate the billions of taxpayer dollars going to corporate America, there's a simple thing Congress can do to help all of us that won't cost taxpayers one red cent. Visit here to learn more: http://tinyurl.com/a8pum9 Please take a moment to forward this message to your friends and family so they can join you in action. Sincerely, Tim Marvin CreditCardReform.org A project of Consumers Union 1535 Mission Street Austin, TX 94103 -<>- (mush!) .---. O ' .' `. |-+==. .' `. (_|_|~~\`. __^^ __^^ __^^ | /''. | /|_/ \`======`/ I``>=`/ I``>=`/ I``> |_.''. |____| (_____________)===//--\\==//--\\==//--\\ |__|/` >From John Ziegler: I have just gotten back from Wasilla, Alaska (-11 F) where I did a 45 minute, on camera interview with Governor Sarah Palin in her living room. The interview is for my upcoming film, "Media Malpractice," which you hopefully already know about. I wanted to give you the first chance to see the excerpts from this powerful interview. You can do that by going to http://www.HowObamaGotElected.com -<>- >From BizarreNews: _____ .'.---.'. // , \\ || `| || || | || || -'- || .-"`'-.,_ _,.-'`"-. / .'--,___`"""`___,--'. \ | /:////_'---'_\\\\:\ | \|:|// `_ _` \\|:|/ '-/| (6/ \6) |\-' \\ | | // `| (._.) |` | _ _ | jgs \ '---' / '--.___.--' -- Firefighters, equipment covered with ink --------- WOODLAWN, Ohio - Firefighters in Woodlawn, Ohio, said a large ink mixing machine that was caught in a fire splattered firefighters and equipment with red ink. Woodlawn Fire Deputy Chief Dan Ficke said the ink mixer began spraying while firefighters were battling a small fire at Flint Inks just prior to 2 a.m. Thursday, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported. "We lost fire gear and equipment, plus hoses and our thermal imaging helmet," Ficke said. He said the ink damage, which he estimated will cost about $55,000 to repair, "almost looks like we massacred somebody." He said fire departments from Lockland and Sharonville also each lost about $6,000 in equipment while helping to fight the fire. -- Couple sue over sprinklers at wedding ----------- NEW YORK - A New York couple is suing a hotel after their wedding ceremony on the building's lawn was interrupted by the sprinkler system. Svetlana Orishchenko, 27, and her husband, Yuriy Orishchenko, 26, filed a $300,000 lawsuit last week against the Hilton Garden Inn, alleging the sprinkler system went off during their Aug. 9 wedding -- which they said cost about $20,000 -- and drenched their guests, the New York Daily News reported. "I can't say it ruined my wedding. Nothing could have ruined my day," Svetlana Orishchenko said. "I felt the worst for my guests. I had people who were soaked from head to toe." Hotel owner Richard Nicotra confirmed the sprinkler incident but said he offered $5,000 compensation to the couple, who continued their wedding after the sprinklers shut off. "Ten employees went out there with towels ... we offered to take dresses to the cleaners, anything," Nicotra said. "This is black- mail. They just want a free wedding. They want to take us to the cleaners." -- Water shut off over $2.36 bill -------------- ATLANTA - Atlanta water department officials acknowledge it was a mistake to cut off service to a former Georgia lawmaker over a $2.36 balance due on his water bill. Bob Irvin, the former Republican leader in the Georgia House of Representatives, said the water at the home he shares with his wife, Lynn, was shut off at about noon Wednesday after the couple received a notice in the mail last week informing them of the outstanding $2.36 due on their account, WGCL-TV, Atlanta, reported Thursday. Lynn Irvin said she checked with her bank to be sure her recent checks for $714.77 and $234.66 went through. She said she tried to phone Water Department Commissioner Rob Hunter but was unable to get through Wednesday. However, WGCL-TV said it was able reach Hunter and the Irvins' water was turned back on within 30 minutes. A water department spokeswoman said the department erred in shutting off the water, as disconnections are not usually done until a delinquent bill has reached $50. ."""-. / \ | _..--'-. >.`__.-"";"` / /( ^\ '-`) =|-. Mystery SOLVED! /`--.'--' \ .-. .'`-._ `.\ | J / jgs / `--.| \__/ -- 'Kidney stone' turns out to be a baby ----------- CARBONEAR, Newfoundland - A Newfoundland woman who went to a hospital complaining of kidney pain was shocked when she gave birth to a healthy baby boy soon after. Juanita Stead, 36, was at a New Year's Eve party when the pain started and escalated to the point where her husband, Terry, took her to the hospital in the eastern town of Carbonear for X-rays, the Carbonear Compass reported. "The technician looked at me and said, 'My dear, you're pregnant with a full-term baby.' And I said: 'No sir, you got the wrong woman and you're looking at the wrong screen. There is no way I'm pregnant,'" Stead told the newspaper. She said her menstrual period hadn't stopped, there wasn't any morning sickness and she didn't put on extra weight. Her other son also made an unexpected arrival on July 30, 2006, at the couple's home, Stead said. While she knew she was seven months pregnant, she was caught off guard. "I felt like I had to go to the bathroom and out he popped, right into the toilet," she said. "Terry actually scooped him out of the toilet and put him in my lap until the ambulance came." ================================================================ >-->Late Show Top Ten ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; Top Ten Questions 10. Sup? 9. Are you a cop? 8. Where's the husky section? 7. May I call you Mommy? 6. If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we make a denture adhesive without the unpleasant aftertaste? 5. Why won't Regis shut up? 4. What does it sound like when a monkey sneezes? 3. Kissey kissey? 2. If I enjoy anonymous airport men's room sex, does that make me gay? 1. Is it January 20th yet? ================================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self- conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the professor is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. At my age I never thought I would be fooling around with a college girl again!" -<>- .-----. / '. ' .\ |_.__'_.|} (=(_)^(_)=) ;, > ,; ;;;~~~;;; ___.';;;;;'.__ /'`\ `\ /` /`'\ / | | | | \ jgs( | |\_/| | @~ ) | | | | | | | /| | | |\ | \ || | | || / ( || | | || ) | || |___| || | \ ||___|[_]|___O| / | | / \O| | A big, beefy, leather-wearing, biker type fellow walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and demands in a loud voice, "Give me a bottle of beer, or else...!" Scared, the bartender serves the man his beer. This happens every day for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the biker returns. "Give me a bottle of beer, or else...!" "O-o-o-or else w-w-w-what?" stammers the bartender. "Or else I'll take a draft...if you're out of bottles." -<>- After moving in to our new office space, I was given the job of completing an Occupational Health and Safety report about the building. I discovered that the building had been built with no fire exit! If a fire starts at the entrance, the only way out would be to smash through the manager's office window. So I put these comments down and submitted my report to the manager before it got sent to head office. In all seriousness he added the following comment to the head office about smashing the window, "Please confirm that this is an acceptable option by returning your approval." -<>- One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said. "Now you be good. Okay?" From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay." -<>- Fred, who owns a restaurant, is convinced that one of his employees is stealing root beer from him. Since he is a bad businessman, he doesn't keep very good records of his inventory or his employees, so he doesn't know who is doing it. He decides to set a trap to find out who is stealing from him. He assigns each of his employees a different night to close up shop. He then arranges the last 28 bottles of root beer in a square so that each side has nine bottles, as shown below: 2 5 2 5 0 5 2 5 2 Fred figures that whatever day he comes in where there are no longer nine bottles to a side, he will know it was the person who closed the night before who is doing it. Unfortunately for Fred, Bob, the thief, figures it out and manages to take four more bottles the night of his shift, rearranging the bottles so that Fred doesn't realize they're missing. Not only that, but Bob was able to take four more bottles away the next night he closed while still rearranging them to have nine bottles on each side. How did Bob do it? After Bob takes the first four bottles, he arranges the remaining 24 bottles like this: 3 3 3 3 0 3 3 3 3 When he takes the next four and only leaves 20 bottles, he arranges them like this: 4 1 4 1 0 1 4 1 4 -<>- A guy had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married. "What!" shouted the boss? "I can't give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were off?" "Are you nuts?" he replied. "That would have ruined my whole vacation." =============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: .-""-. /.-'.'/`\ _&_ _.--"|( ;--`)( | // \\ .' / |e e/ ) / / \ \ / | )| ^ | ) \ // / \ \\ | /( )\-__/( )| /_/_/_\_\_\ | ( ;-'/__/\ ) / .-"-. | .' `/ '--'. /# \ | / /\ : _ _.---\ | | |.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-. / \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="} /--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="} / \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-; | /`| | \ | |||| || | /_ | |_______/ | |||| || | \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._|| | | | | || |> |______| |____________|._ || _..-;| | /___\ | `||() || |______ |\/|____________|jgs|| () (__) \__/ (__) () >The Mystery of the Curtain Rods She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. ( ) ( _ _._ |_|-'_~_`-._ _.-'-_~_-~_-~-_`-._ _.-'_~-_~-_-~-_~_~-_~-_`-._ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | [] [] [] [] [] | jgs | __ ___ | ._| [] [] | .| [___] |_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._. |=|________()|__|()_______|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=| ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ === ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ _______ === <_4sale_> === ^|^ === | === Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods. -<>- "The Revenge of Anguished English", Richard Lederer's fifth book on accidental assaults on the English language, has been released, and is hilarious. With the permission of the author, here are a few examples from each chapter: Part 1: "I Kid You Not" From: "Oh, You Kids": A boy had just pulled a large weed from the soil. When his mother said, "My, you were strong to get that out!" The boy answered, "I sure was, the whole earth had hold of it!" As the weather grew cooler, Grandmother reminded her four year old granddaughter, Talia, "Close the door. There's a cold draft coming in." Talia got a strange look on her face. A little apprehensive, but amazed and curious, she ran to the door and looked this way and that. Then, still curious but a little disappointed she turned to her grandmother and asked, "Where's the cold giraffe?" -<>- "Classy Kiddisms": The kindergarten teacher asked her students what color they would get if they mixed blue and yellow. A little boy immediately shouted, "Green!" The teacher impressed with the quick response, asked the boy how he knew. "My mommy puts the blue stuff in the potty and when I do pee, it turns green." Ray's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class, "Does anyone know what this is?" Ray's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him. "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready." -<>- "Blessed be the Children": A little girl stared questioningly at her grandfather. Finally she asked, "Grandpa, were you on Noah's Ark?" The grandfather replied with a slight chuckle, "Of course not." Then the girl asked, "Then how come you didn't drown?" A teacher was explaining the story of Noah and his ark to her young students. She asked the class if they thought Noah did a lot of fishing during the flood. "No," said a bright boy, "he only had two worms." To subscribe, send a blank mailto:scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ======================================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: . \'/ -=>*<=- .-"/.\ / ' _| _.|_|._ .' '. / \ | # | | | \ / '. .' jgs `'---'` ** Short Takes ** In Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!" When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of -- spinal meningitis. ++++++++++++++++++ A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon. ++++++++++++++++++ A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" +++++++++++++++++++++++++ A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?" One of the girls replied: "Aren't those the sins that we should have committed, but didn't?" ++++++++++++++++++++++++ In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!" ++++++++++++++++++++++ A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know...why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!" -<>- ____ .' '. ____ / __ \ .-' '-. | / \ | / __ \ | \__/ | | / \ | \ >< / | \__/ | ;.____.; \ {>()<} / /`| \# / |`\ `;._/\_.;` ;# | \/ | #\ /` (/\) `\ | | == | \ / \ | #| |\ # \ / / \ \ | ; |#\ #\ / -/ \- \ \# / \/ \# \__/-._/ \_.-\ `| | \_.'=-;._/ \_.-; |.-. .-.| //\_/`\_/ \\_/ |\_/ \_/| || ||'-.______.-'`\ | , | ||_...._||._ _.-' | |\ | //.----.\\ ;```--```; | ||-- | |`-....-'| | /| | | || | \ / | --|| | | ||.-.| '.____.' ;.-.|| | | |; . | |_. || | jgs |'--;`/ `\ / \ |._.; ;.__| >--| |--< |.__| (___) \_/ \_/ (__) ** HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? ** You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. * Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. * Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. * Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. * Freddie, age 6 (Very wise for his age) HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. *Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. * Lori, age 8 ____ (\/) .' '. (\/) \/ ____ / __ \ \/ .-' '-. | / \ | / __ \ | \__/ | | / \ | \ >< / | \__/ | ;.____.; \ {>()<} / /`| \# / |`\ `;._/\_.;` ;# | \/ | #\ /` (/\) `\ | | == | \ / \ | #| |\ # \ / / \ \ | ; |#\ #\ / _/ \_ \ \# / \/ \# \__/-._/ \_.-\ `| | \_.'=-;._/ \_.-; |.-. .-.| //\_/`\_/ \\_/ |\_/ \_/| || ||'-.______.-'`\ | , | ||_...._||._ _.-' | |\ | //.----.\\ ;```--```; | ||-- | |`-....-'| | /| | | || | \ / | --|| | | ||.-.| '.____.' ;.-.|| | | |; . | |_. || | jgs |'--;`/ `\ / \ |._.; ;.__| >- | | -< |.__| (___) \_/ \_/ (__) WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. * Lynnette, age 8 (Isn't she a treasure) On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. *Martin, age 10 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. * Craig, age 9 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. * Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. *Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. * Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. * Theodore, age 8 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. * Anita, age 9 (Bless you child) (\/) \/ (\/) /))))))))) \/ //) __ __\ ,%%%%%%%%%, C==/_o|^|o_\ ,%%%%%%%%%%%%, | _\ ) %/_ _%%%%%%% \ '---'/ /_o|^|o_\=?%%% _/`-. __.'_ ( /_ @%%, \ \'====' /%%% jgs _'-----' \%%%" / ` HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? * Kevin, age 8 "And the #1 Favorite is........" mMm _[_]_ /(_)\ (_) //)^(\\//:\\ /(/&@&\)\|~|/ / /-~`~-\ ||| `/ \||| `--------'-'-- HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. * Ricky, age 10 =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) DWELLING ON THE PAST! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/dwellingonthepast.html Modern Sayings: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/modernsayings.html Between day And Night http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayandnight.html Typewriter Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart.html Spirit Wind Studio http://www.pegsfeathers.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: LOVING GOD-NEW GOSPEL MUSIC PAGE/MARLENE http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML7/LOVING-GOD.html From Kathryn/A Dream And A Smile http://adreamandasmile.com/Smiles/Lolly_Pop.html Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.htm Whale Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue.html Online Alarm Clock http://kukuklok.com/ Carolyn w/ Blueberry Hill http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/blueberryhill.html Copperfield Hans Betsy http://www.buffaloschips.com/12w3.htm Costa Rica Vacation http://www.buffaloschips.com/12qa.htm Cowboy http://www.buffaloschips.com/12we.htm Crabz http://www.buffaloschips.com/12ere.htm Cyril takaya Matrix http://www.buffaloschips.com/12sd.htm Bungee http://www.buffaloschips.com/90701.htm Ben Stein http://www.buffaloschips.com/90702.htm 10 Up, 10 In http://www.buffaloschips.com/90703.htm 3rd World Bomb Squad http://www.buffaloschips.com/90704.htm Kind so Flucky http://www.buffaloschips.com/90705.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to." - Granville Hicks "There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde "A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions." - Wilson Mizner "The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotation." - Benjamin Disraeli "I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me." - John Cleese "They say that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray, which is a good thing to remember the next time you get lonely." -Fred Stoller "Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time." -Demetri Martin "Exciting news from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology. The Norwegians released a study today that says having a sense of humor can help people live longer. In other words, if you don't laugh at this monologue tonight, you're going to die." -Jimmy Kimmel so that it runs on fat left over from liposuction. That's right, Middle East — a car that runs on fat. Now who has the greatest energy reserves in the world?" -Conan O'Brien "Here's an announcement from the post office: Tomorrow is the last day you can mail a gift to get it there by next Christmas." -David Letterman "Because of the bad U.S. economy, many Broadway producers have started taking their musicals to China. In a related story, the entire cast of 'Cats' has been eaten." - Conan O'Brien "Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death." - Lynn Johnston "The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." - Paul Valery "The tongue is but three inches long, yet it can kill a man six feet high." - Anonymous "The Christian should learn two things about his tongue: how to hold it and how to use it." ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************