Don't Turn That Radio Dial! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a double 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation along with the one from our long time Shangrala Angel, M.D. Donovan from MO, we got one from Bonnie Whitten from OK! May God Bless them both most abundantly for their thoughtfulness of contributing to help Keep Shangrala Alive! We sure do thank God for them and all our past most sweet and wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super scorcher is from our friend Linda and my son Victor. This has some eye opening 'wows' for you. Some you may have seen before but many will surprise you! Be sure to check this out and the video here too: _.-----. _.-----. , .-' .--. \ .-' `-. (c__ .' ( `-)----' `. / `-._.' (\ VK Giant Creatures! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giantcreatures.html --- ...Wowsers! Amazing! Thanks Linda and Victor! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: -------______ | ) +++++. | \' ental+ | Q rgeon+ | )C ~\/\ +++++' | \\_ \ ___ | \_77 |\ | EJM 96 | |`` \ \ | ------- """ ~ ~ o-o A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge." "Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients." -<>- >You're not a kid anymore when: - You enjoy watching the news. - You quit trying to hold in your stomach, no matter who walks into the room. - The phone rings and you hope it's NOT for you. - Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws. - You start singing along with the elevator music. - You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday. - The only reason you're still awake at 4:00 am is indigestion. - People ask what color your hair USED to be. - You're proud of your lawnmower! - You point out what buildings used to be where. - You routinely check the oil in your car. - You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style, TWICE. - You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. - You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. - 8:00 AM is your idea of "sleeping in". - Neighbors borrow your tools. - Others ask for your recipes. - You paint walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back. - You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television because you are sure you would be stuck if you did. - You wear socks with sandals. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 20 is National Radio Day and World Mosquito Day August 21 is National Spumoni Day and Senior Citizen's Day August 22 is Be an Angel Day and National Tooth Fairy Day - and/or February 28 August 23 is Ride the Wind Day August 24 is Vesuvius Day August 25 is Kiss and Make Up Day August 26 is National Dog Day and Women's Equality Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: WAKE UP CALL FROME .- _ _ -. / / \ \ ( ( (` (-o-) `) ) ) \ \_ ` -+- ` _/ / `- -+- -` -+- (`\ __ _ ___ _|_ ___ __..-`) \ \/ \/ | | __| |/| | __| |__ .-` \ / | __| |\| | _| | | \_/\_/ |___| |/| |_| |_| L\J |-._ ___ __ J/_\L ___ _ /| | || _ | / | |/ \| | __| | \ / | | O ||| || `| | |\_/| | |_ | \/ | |__ |||_|| _| |_ |/ \| | __| | |\/| | |_||___| o|_____| |\_/| |_| |_| |_| _____L/ \J_____ /|___J/\|/\L___|\ // |\/`\/| \\ // `-.-` \\ //___________________\\ \ ________ ________ / \ \ | | / / \ \_____| |_____/ / \ _____ _____ / \ \___] [___/ / \ / \ \`] [`/ / \ ` ` / \ O O / ___________\: :/____NDT____ \n/ >Bad Day Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running, but had locked it! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out." -<>- >Magic Car A mother gave her teenage daughter a car for her eighteenth birthday. As she handed over the keys, she explained that it was a magic car. The girl, of course, was very excited, and asked what it did. "Well," said Mom, "Just get one ticket and you'll see how quickly it will disappear." -<>- >Parking Ticket My wife and I went into town shopping. When we came out of one shop there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a bad word. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him another bad word. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's so important at our age. -<>- >Political Sandwich A prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him. He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it. "Mostly baloney," said the proprietor. -<>- >Crazy News Tidbit Anxious to "include" as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human resources department of the University of (name removed to protect the innocent) has put up a Braille poster outside its main office. The poster has been placed inside a display case with a glass front. [This is brought to you by the same geniuses who put Braille instructions on the drive up window at the bank.] ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ! | | |~/ Happy Tunes | _|~ .============.| (_| |~/ .-;____________;|. _|~ | [_________I__] | (_| | """"" (_) (_) | | .=====..=====. | | |:::::||:::::| | jgs | '=====''=====' | '----------------' >SMILES A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns. The guy says, "Wow, it really works." ---------- The undertaker in a country town was driving his horse drawn hearse to the cemetery at the top of the hill. The incline was steep but the horses were doing fine. Suddenly the coffin broke loose inside the hearse, hit the back doors, shoved them open and fell out, sliding down the hill. As the coffin picked up speed, people started screaming warnings to those in its path. When the druggist at the bottom of the hill heard the commotion, he looked and saw the problem. Thinking quickly, he ran to a shelf, grabbed a bag of cough drops and threw it as hard as he could. It stopped the coffin. ---------- The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?" ---------- My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself." -------- My Mom always told me to wear clean underwear in case you have an accident. But if you have an accident, your underwear won't be very clean, will it? -------- After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" -------- A man was sitting in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary." ------- When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer 'yes' or 'no.' You're going to get it anyway! -------- At a family gathering, a husband began teasing his wife about how she always gets her way. "Honey," she said to her husband, "when I get my way, that's a compromise." "What is it when I get my way?" he was quick to ask. She replied, "That's a miracle!" -------- After noticing how trim my husband had become, a friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet. It was then I shared my dark secret. "I put our teenage son's shorts in his underwear drawer. When he put them on, he could barely get them above his knees!" -------- "Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" asked the police sergeant. "Yeah, we browbeat him, asking every question we could." answered the arresting officer. "And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant. "Not exactly." replied the officer. "All he said was, 'Yes Dear,' and dozed off." -------- A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, 'Don't enter that church, you darn fool!!!' His wife asks him, 'What are you watching?' Husband replies, 'Our wedding video.' ------- As a trail guide in a national park, I eat with the rest of the seasonal staff in a rustic dining hall. When we finish our meals, we scrape the remains into a garbage pail and stack our plates for the dishwasher. One worker, apparently not too happy with the cuisine, was ahead of me in line. As he slopped a largely uneaten plate of food into the garbage, I heard him mutter, "Now STAY THERE this time." -------- I was driving down through the South and, being hungry, stopped at a roadside diner. Upon entering, I saw a sign advertising the daily special: "Fresh venison." Well, I ordered the Special of the Day, and, after completing the meal, I spied the cook standing behind the counter. I told him, "My complements to the chef. That was probably the tenderest venison I have ever eaten!" The cook smiled and replied, "Yep, them eighteen-wheelers'll do that, won't they?" -------- A man was sent to prison for 20 years. He was so bored while in there; he found an ant and decided to teach it tricks -- like beg, play dead, roll over, jump hair etc. He served his time and was released. He took his ant with him in a matchbox. The first place he went was to a bar. He sat down, took out the matchbox and emptied out the ant. He then said to the guy beside him, "You are not gonna believe what this ant can do." He showed him all the tricks and the guy was impressed. He told him that he could make a fortune with the ant. The guy with the ant was excited and called the bartender over and said "You see that ant?" The bartender put his finger on the ant, twisted it and said "Sorry, sir, it won't happen again." -------- Siamese Twins walk into a bar and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Budweiser beers, draft please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, fellows?" "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...the history, the beer, the culture...." "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Bud, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English -- they're so arrogant and rude!" "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive...." -------- Before and After the Wedding... (read top to bottom first; then read bottom to top.) Husband: "At last! I can hardly wait!" Wife: "Do you want me to leave?" Husband: "No! Don't even think about that." Wife: "Do you love me?" Husband: "Of course! Always have and always will!" Wife: "Have you ever cheated on me?" Husband: "No! Why are you even asking?" Wife: "Will you kiss me?" Husband: "Every chance I get!" Wife: "Will you hit me?" Husband: "Heck no! Are you crazy?!" Wife: "Can I trust you?" Husband: "Yes." Wife: "Oh my Darling!" --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) __________________ -~ ,.- ~---.._ -~ ,-' `-. -~ ,-' ____ -. .~ ' .-""... "-. . / ' ./ ::::: \ `. / ,' / .: `:::' .: \ `. / , : ::: ::: ::: ; \ : , | ::::: ::: :::: | ; / . | ::::: :::.:::: ". ; : ' -".. ::: ::::::' .. \ ; | .' /::::: :: ::::: ::: \ ; | : / `:::' ::: \: ; :| : / `:::.: _==_ :.::' |: ; ===_ | | :::'.-" "-.`::' __._. | "===_ :| | | |___--; ;" | | "===-_:__.-- --------\ / ; ; | | ; | ; | "-___-"| ; ; | | : : ; | ___ | ; | | ; ; | (_(_)| ; | | ; ' | | ; | | : | ; | | _ ;; | | ; : ; | .-.. | (() ;; | .-- ; __ | (_(__)| __=: | / `- ; ; ((_) | ___---""" __..-" \ | `- ; ; ___----"" __..--"~ \ `- `- | | =_--" __..--"" _.--" `- `- / :__..--" :F_P: _.-"\\_.-" `- `-. | _.-" __.--~~ `- ~ -" __.--~~ `- / / `- / _..--" `_/_--'' >Notes in Milk Bottles For those of us who remember milk deliveries in bottles - and those who have to teach others how to write - here is a collection of notes left in milk bottles... Dear milkman: I've just had a baby, please leave another one. Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. Cancel one pint after the day after today. Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today. Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole. Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks. Sorry about yesterday's note.. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round. When you leave my milk please knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea? My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle? Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me. Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant. Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk. My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight. Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday. Milkman, please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice. --- ...LOL! These are hilarious! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Benghazi Hero Blasts Obama Hack https://1600daily.com/2018/08/17/benghazi-hero-blasts-obama-hack/ Administration Explains Why Tariffs Matter https://1600daily.com/2018/08/17/administration-explains-tariffs-matter/ Trump’s Bold Strategy To Improve Businesses https://tinyurl.com/y7ve9l6j WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Move America Forward http://www.moveamericaforward.org/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Women have a long and complicated relationship with alcohol and nudity. If you have been reading Bizarre News for a while you already know that. This week we see yet another example out of Pennsylvania, except this story includes lewdness and harassment. She must be one heck of a girl. State troopers allege a Derry Township woman "stripped off her clothes" to mock no trespassing signs posted on a neighbor's property. Trooper John Robertson reported that 24-year-old Brianna Waibel admitted she was intoxicated when she used a rock to break a window on a sport utility vehicle, causing about $200 in damage. Allegedly. Waibel is charged by state police with indecent exposure, open lewdness, harassment, criminal trespass, disorderly conduct, public drunkenness and scattering litter. There must not be a lot to do in Derry Township on a Wednesday night. -<>- Ah, the stresses of air travel; waiting in lines, invasive security checks, cramped seats, it's enough to make a person take ten or twelve drinks. At least that was the excuse of a woman who went berserk on a recent flight out of Russia and had to be restrained hand-and-foot by the cabin crew. Half naked. The woman was half naked, not the cabin crew. Crew members said the woman was out of control after drinking too much in the duty free bar at Moscow before boarding the flight to Turkey, and they had to restrain her shortly after take off. The woman was violent and abusive and her behavior was frightening other passengers, they said. They tied her legs together and her hands behind her back, before sitting her on the floor of the plane, topless except for her black bra, away from other passengers. It is not reported why she was only partially dressed. Video shot by another passenger shows her trying to hit her head on the wall of the plane and screaming, in Russian, "You see what is going on? Look at me. Look at my blood. Those are beasts, those are liars, they are trying to trick you." The woman claimed she could see invisible people who she said were trying to kill her. [That definitely sounds like vodka talking, to me.] Russian media reports that the woman was released on arrival at Antalya Airport in Turkey. Turkish police reportedly said they had no interest in charging the woman and let her go free. *-- Don't Worry, Democracy Is Completely Safe --* At the annual hacker conference DefCon, Emmett Brewer, an 11-year-old boy from Austin, Texas, was able to change the results on a mock Florida election website. It took him 10 minutes. In total, 35 of 39 participants ages 6-17 successfully hacked mock versions of Secretary of State websites in six swing states during a portion of the convention called the Voting Machine Hacking Village, according to event organizers. The 'hackers' managed to tamper with vote tallies, party names and candidate names, changing vote tallies to numbers like 12 billion and candidate names to "Bob Da Builder" and "Richard Nixon's head." The hack points to the larger vulnerabilities of the election infrastructure in light of the suspicion of Russian meddling in the 2016 U.S. election. State election officials, though, say the mock site did not duplicate all of the safety features in place to stop hacking. *-- Southwest Jets to Get One More Horsepower --* It started with dogs, cats, and bunnies, and evolved into peacocks, ducks, pigs, and even a kangaroo. Service animals on planes have become more and more common and more and more bizarre. Some airlines have tried to limit the types of animals people can bring onto planes, but Southwest has just announced that come September 17, people will be able to carry miniature horses onboard Southwest flights as trained service animals. In the statement, officials name miniature horses, along with dogs and cats, as some of the most common service animals that will be accepted onboard. Passengers, however, will need to be able to provide credible verbal assurance that the animal is a trained service animal. In addition, the company will also limit each passenger to one Emotional Support Animal. Which makes sense. You don't want more than one horse per flight. *-- Fortune Cookie Leads Man to $125,000 Lottery Prize --* A Washington state man said he followed the advice inside a fortune cookie and won a $125,000 lottery jackpot. The Vancouver resident told Washington's Lottery officials he discovered three fortunes inside a single cookie recently and decided to follow the advice printed on two of them: "Buy a ticket. All your financial troubles will soon be solved." The man said he bought a Hit 5 ticket from the Plaid Pantry in Vancouver and initially thought he won $125, but later discovered his jackpot was $125,000. "Who knew my day would be turned upside down by the message on a fortune cookie?" the man said. He said he planned to celebrate his win by spending some of the money on a sushi dinner. *----------- Naughty, Naughty Hippo ------------* A man was caught on video climbing over a barricade at the Los Angeles Zoo so he could spank a hippopotamus. And I'm a little sorry to say that 'spanking the hippopotamus' is not a euphemism for anything. Video shows the man climbing the fence outside the hippo enclosure and sneaking up on two hippos, named Rosie and Mara. The man's approach is very cautious, and then when he's close enough, he slaps one of the hippos on the rear before rushing back over the fence and taking a moment to celebrate his feat. Rosie, the hippo that was slapped, does not show much of a reaction, but her mother appears startled and looks up as the guy is still in the enclosure. The zoo released a statement reading, in part: "The Zoo would like to remind everyone that it is never acceptable for a guest to enter the habitat of any animal at the Zoo. It is a privilege to observe these rare and endangered species, but they are still wild animals and their space must be respected at all times." If identified the man is looking at potential trespassing charges. --- ...You can watch the video I found for you of this here: https://tinyurl.com/ybqfefvr ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Andy :) _________ | ------- | |ooo (_) | ___|_))))____|___ |____((((()______| ____________ ||___ \__/______||___________ jro || // \\ || || \\__// || || //\\ || || (_)(_) || >THAT'S NOT MY JOB: This is a story about: EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, ANYBODY AND NOBODY. There was an important job to be done and EVERYBODY was sure SOMEBODY would do it. ANYBODY could have done it, but NOBODY did it. SOMEBODY got angry about that, because it was EVERYBODY'S job. EVERYBODY thought ANYBODY could do it, but NOBODY realized that ANYBODY wouldn't do it. It ended up that EVERYBODY blamed SOMEBODY when NOBODY did what ANYBODY could have done. =============== ________ /______ | | | | _ | ===== | | | | | ===== | | o o | | | |~ | .-. | | o o o | ' . ' | | |~ |_| ..'| '._.' | | o .' |_______|/ ks >STOP LAYING AWAKE AT NIGHT: I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as 'Luves', 'Huggies' and 'Pampers', while under garments for old people are called 'depends'. Here's the lowdown. When babies crap in their pants, people are still going to luv'em, hug'em and pamper'em. When old people crap in their pants, it 'Depends' on who is in the will. Got that straight - now rest your mind. --- ...LOL! Great ones! Thanks Andy! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: , |\ __ | | |--| __ |/ | | |~' /|_ () () | //| \ |\ () | \|_ | | \ jgs \_|_/ () | | | @' () >My Grades A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. "What's the matter, son," asked his mother. "Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my marks. They're all wet." "What do you mean 'all wet?'" "I mean," he replied, "below C-level." -<>- >Rules of A Plumber The four most important things that an apprentice plumber needs to learn: 1. Hot is on the left, cold is on the right. 2. Crap flows downhill. 3. Payday is on Friday. 4. Don't chew your fingernails. -<>- >Was He Dead? In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner. Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you? Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere. -<>- >The Smartest Dog A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five." -<>- , { \ { `\ { .-'`"'--. {.' 00 \ /` /\_______") / (( \ \/\/\/\/ / `^^^^/ | '/{`\ | | `/{__| | \ \.-'//, \ \ | // | \ \___\/.' | | // \ / /\ ` _/ jgs / ( ``` .' '. /__/V\___\ >Q and A Quickies Q: What did one plate say to the other plate? A: Dinner's on me tonight! Q: Where did the spaghetti go to dance? A: The meat ball! Q: What do you get when you cross a wolf with a ceramicist? A: A hairy potter. Q: What does the gorilla call his girlfriend? A: His prime mate. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-} .-} .-} |_| |_| __|_|__ _ (_) o (_)=m=<) (__(_)=m)=)<) | \_/___ | \// | \// |\_/\/\/] |\_/ |\_/ \:\`~~~~` |:| |:| |\:| |:| /|:| jgs ||:| |:| /_|:|_ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home, and I took my computer down to the bar to do some work. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, "What's the wifi password?" Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first." Me: "Okay, I'll have a beer." Bartender: "We have Molsons Canadian on tap." Me: "Sure. How much is that?" Bartender: "$8.00." Me: "Ok. Here you are. What's the wifi password" Bartender: "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst, no spaces and all lowercase." -<>- A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Hank?" the others asked. "Hank had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Hank layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they asked. "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one's gonna steal Hank!" -<>- C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar. -<>- A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline. -<>- One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling. Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, "What do you have in your pocket?" "Tennis ball," the man said, smiling back. "Wow!" said the woman looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!" -<>- Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?" "Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life." "What happened?" "Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit out house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely." "What about you?" "Me? I accompanied her on the piano!" ========================================================= >-->From TheJokester: ___________ \ / )_______( |"""""""|_.-._,.---------.,_.-._ | | | | | | ''-. | |_| |_ _| |_..-' |_______| '-' `'---------'` '-' )"""""""( /_________\ `'-------'` .-------------. jgs/_______________\ >Lawyers! Q: What's wrong with lawyer jokes? A: Lawyers don't think they're funny and nobody else thinks they're jokes <><><><> An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards." <><><><> Once a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven. God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope. Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman. "God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked. "Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer." <><><><> The Lawyer's Creed: Every man is innocent until proven broke. <><><><> These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless". <><><><> The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ,;;;, ;;;;;;; .-'`\ '/_ .' \ ("`(_) _ / `-,.'\ \_/--(_) \ \/\ `--`____________ \ \ \ I I I I / /| | `. ,' /_/ |_| `-..__..-' jgs ( _\ ( _\ // || \\PG >Things To Say and Do If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work 10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the whiteout. You probably got here just in time!" 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 3. "The coffee machine is broken..." 2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..." And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk. 1. " ...... AMEN!" -<>- _...::::::..._ .::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::``__``::::::::. |:::::( (__) ):::::| \:::::::..____..:::::::/ '::::::::::::::::::::' jgs `--::::::::::::--` ```````` >The Top 10 Signs That It's Time To Do The Laundry 1. You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently. 2. You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you. 3. Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk. 4. Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus. 5. The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week. 6. The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet. 7. Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek. 8. The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans. .( * . .* . ) . . . POOF .* . '* . ( .) ' ` ( . * 9. Your red T-shirt is now green. 10. The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company's casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Ricochet The Surf Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html Police Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/policedogs.html Rescued Raccoon!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rescuedraccoon.html In Days Past!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html 86 Year Old Grandma Gymnast!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grandmagymnast.html Boys To President!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html Ford's First RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html Limos In US History!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html Classic Chevy Collection!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html 50's Concept Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/conceptcars.html Bikes From The Past!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html City That Time Forgot!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html Windows Through Time!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/windowstime.html Remember Bumper Cars?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bcar.html When Sandman Attacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html Jasmine The Greyhound!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jasmine.html Matteo And The Marmots! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/marmots.html Animal Friends 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends4.html -<>- >Some Of Shangrala's Best Pages: http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html -<>- THE 30-SECOND BUNNIES THEATER I bet you've never seen anything like bunnies reenacting classic movies in just 30 seconds. Here is the library of "films," which include such hits as Alien, The Big Chill, and A Christmas Story. http://www.angryalien.com/ Damn Interesting Welcome to our collection of damn interesting things. Primary aim is to collect and dispense damn interesting facts and ideas, whether they appeared in the past, the present, or the (anticipated) future. http://www.damninteresting.com/ The Meg vs. Jaws: The Revenge Which is the crazier shark movie? Oh, I'm fairly confident which one is the craziest. What say you? https://tinyurl.com/y7y55q9m RoboFlu Game From addictinggames.com: These robots are sick. They're full of letters or something. Mr. Vocabulary to the rescue! Make words using red letters to clean up your bots. http://www.addictinggames.com/puzzle-games/roboflu.jsp Panda Doesn't Realize She's Had Twins! | BBC Earth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSRv6znj-n8 14 Strangest Animal Marking Mutations https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gNZXC2J-aM Animals You Never Knew Could Be So Loving & Affectionate | The Dodo https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=7y6ee2NfnOs -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Magician and illusionist Rob Lake amazes the judges as he appears out of thin air right before their eyes on America's Got Talent. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pw0829Tfk58 Take a few minutes out of your day to see some cool and interesting things as you get your Daily Dose Of Internet. This episode starts off with an interesting look at shoes made out of used gum that has been discarded on the streets of Amsterdam. Humans are nasty creatures and in Amsterdam alone, they throw over 3 million pounds of gum onto city streets each year so recycling it into shoes is a good idea. Thankfully that clip was followed by an adorable chipmunk demonstrating how to eat several peanuts at the same time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf6WeqYP1Z8 --- ...Wow! Thanks LouiseAu! The Berezka Dance Troupe from Russia performs a one-of-a-kind folk dance that is absolutely amazing! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a54gM6RR_Y8 --- ...Quite so! Thanks LouiseAu! WOMEN! Why men age more quickly... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60gLf1exMdA --- ...Giggles! HaHA! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Nintendo fans are worried about Mario's brother, Luigi, because in a trailer for a new game, he appears as a ghost. They said 30 years of jumping 'groin-first' into a flagpole must've finally caught up to him." -Jimmy Fallon "A beach near San Francisco yesterday hosted the annual world dog surfing championships. And just like last year, the surfers had a really hard time staying on their dogs." -Seth Meyers "A man in Florida was recently arrested after running into a liquor store with a live alligator and chasing people who were shopping there. I'm just going to say it: This emotional support animal thing has officially gone too far." -James Corden "New research shows that China has a bigger middle class than America, and more people in China are living what we would call the 'American Dream.' That's when you know things are bad - when even the American DREAM is made in China." -Jimmy Fallon "The NFL's Arizona Cardinals have launched a new competition where fans can win a team jersey and get their photo on the scoreboard if they eat a burger consisting of five patties, five hot dogs, five bratwursts, eight slices of bacon, eight chicken tenders, 12 ounces of fries, lettuce, pickles, sauce, and 20 slices of cheese in under an hour. Said one fan, 'Ugh, lettuce?'" -Seth Meyers "Today two men dressed as Batman and Captain America tried to rob someone at a gas station. They're being charged with attempted robbery and mixing Marvel with DC." -Conan O'Brien "A new study finds that Americans have on average become several inches shorter in the past 100 years. But scientists say it's mainly because we're all looking down at our phones." -Jimmy Fallon "Auntie Anne's has announced it will begin selling pumpkin spice pretzel nuggets next month. So if you like pumpkin spice and you like eating at the mall... you could probably use some good news." -Seth Meyers "I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert "The only place where success comes before work is a dictionary." --Vidal Sassoon "Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theismann "Never spend your money before you have it." --Thomas Jefferson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************