Dr Seuss, Mixed Metaphors And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This sizzling hot page one is from our friend Linda. I love how everyone came together to make this happen! Such a fun one! Give it time to load and check it out here: ,=*""*=,_ / =","=,= "=, ( ,,_ =",="=" = ." "*=,"=","=\ / ,, "*=_= ; ; *@ ,, \/ ; , @* ; \ ; \ *===* / ", ," ,=* *=, ," . . ", / /" "\ \ / / \ \ . | . . | , | >.__,=" "=,__.< | ; \ _ / ; \ >,_ (X) _,< / \ < " > / /\ ) ( /\ / """ """ \ , _ , ; (X) ; ; " ; \ / = = ", ," __,- jjs -._ >=, ,=<'_.---,, World's Tallest SnowWoman! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowwoman.html --- ...So fun! Thanks Linda! -<>- .-~~\ / \ _ ~x .-~_)_ ~x".-~ ~-. _ ( / \ _ || T o o Y || ==:l l < ! I;== \\ \ .__/ / // \\ ,r"-,___.-'r.// }^ \.( ) _.'//. / }~Xi--~ // \ Y Y I\ \ " Y | | |o\ \ | | l_l Y T | -Row l "o l_j ! \ / ___,.---^. o .^---.._____ "~~~ " ~ ~~~" *~* We Had A Super Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month! Please Share These With Your Friends And Family: Fun With Pun! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/punnyanimals.html Extreme Stairs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extremestairs.html God's Instructions! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/instructions.html Tree Trunk Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/instructions.html Mini Crochet Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crochetart.html Wild Kisses And Snuggles! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildkisses.html Me And My Pony! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mypony.html Big Baobab Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baobabtree.html *~* Great Big Christ Filled HUGS And BLESSINGS To Our Contributors! Thank You! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Robert's Rules Of Computer Order __________ .'` | |`'. You will never have an extra blank disk. | '-----' | | | If you do bring along a blank disk, you | .--------. | won't need it. | |--------| | | |--------| | If you don't bring along a blank disk, it | |--------| | will be the only available opportunity to | ;--------; | obtain a copy of a hitherto unattainable jgs |__:________:__| and uniquely appropriate program. If someone else is watching while you are doing anything on the computer, anything at all, it will screw up (that's a technical term). The percentage chances of screwing up increase in direct proportion to the size of your audience. No matter how simple it seems to you, your explanation will be more than they want to know. You will amaze yourself at how much you know. You will amaze your mother at how much you know about computers. You will always have one disk envelope too few. Or too many. The only pieces of data you will ever lose are the ones you were going to save just as soon as you finished typing a couple more lines. _ _ /|| The update of your program will use the ( } \||D keys for something entirely different in | /\__,=_[_] this version than it did when you first |_\_ |----| learned it. | |/ | | jgs | /_ | | You will not understand it the first time you read it in the manual. You will understand it better the next time you read the manual. For no discernible reason. When you are late for an interview and need a last minute copy of your resume your printer will go down. It will always go down. It doesn't care. Nowhere in your repair manual will it ever tell you what you really need to do, which is to turn the darn thing off and get yourself a cup of coffee/tea. _) You will never know what a user file is. .--' __(__ The price of anything you buy will stay the /` | `\ same until the actual impact of your money | Q | on the bottom of the cash drawer, at which |___|___| time it will automatically re-list itself in | | next Thursday's paper at 30% less. | | | | Staring at the screen for 97 continuous \ / minutes will not necessarily reveal to you jgs '.___.' the secret location of any colon that should have been typed in as a semi. Or vice versa. It will always seem like your friend got a better deal. The 800 number will be busy. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day March 6 is National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day March 9 is Panic Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _____________________________________________________________ | _ _ `l&L. PL | | .gd$$$$$bp. `l&L. | | d$$$$$$$$$$$b. NAMES: Eneuel Leszek `l&L.| | d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b SURNAME: Ciszewski `l&l | d$$$$$$P^^T$$$$$$b NICKNAME: Elf. :) `l | T$P" "^T$$$$; ADDRESS: Arkedocja in spe... | | %$ T$$$; | | `$_.._ ,---. $$^. | | / `^ l" T:: MOBILE NUMBER: 607 635935 | | \ / \ ; -'; HOME NUMBER: 85 7463797 | | `--'`-'```` :g$ WORK NUMBER: n/a | | : _.--. ;$P E_MAIL(-S): leszekc#alpha.pl | | : - / ;\ eneuel#ascii.art.pl | | `._ _.-" / \ | | ;``` / ) GG IM: | | .-: .' .' | | .-" \`. .' .' / _ _ _ _ /. | | .-" \_"__.-" /_ |- _\ /_ |- /\ | |-----------------------------------+--------------+----------| | OFFICIAL ASCII-ART ARTIST LICENSE | NO: PL000000 | 00/08/14 | `-----------------------------------^--------------^----------' >At the DMV After standing in line at the DMV (Dept of Motor Vehicles) for what felt like eons, my brother finally got to the counter. As the clerk typed his name and information into the computer, she said, "That's odd." "What's wrong?" James asked. "My computer says you're deceased," Surveying his surroundings, James muttered, "Great. I died and went to hell." -<>- >Buying a CD I walked into the music store to buy a CD of Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto. I found the Hiphop, R&B, Country and Jazz sections, but no area where I might look for Rachmaninoff. "Excuse me," I said to a young store clerk. "Do you have a classical section?" After a brief hesitation, he asked, "You mean...like Elvis?" -<>- >Doctor Treatment Suffering with a herniated disk in his back, my husband told his cousin that a well-respected doctor was treating him. His cousin asked the name of the doctor, and on hearing it, he replied, "I never heard of him, that's a good sign." (The cousin is a medical-malpractice attorney.) -<>- >Speeding Pilot A sky-diver and the pilot of his plane were driving to a jump zone when they were pulled over by a police officer for speeding. The officer approached the car and jokingly asked for a pilot's license and flight plan. These were promptly passed over to him. His face expressed amazement, then amusement. "I always knew one day I'd get caught with that line," and he let them go with a warning. -<>- >Stakeout I'm a police officer and occasionally park my cruiser in residential areas to watch for speeders. One Sunday morning I was staked out in a driveway, when I saw a large dog trot up to my car. He stopped and sat just out of arm's reach. No matter how much I tried to coax him to come for a pat on the head, he refused to budge. After a while I decided to move to another location. I pulled out of the driveway, looked back and learned the reason for the dog's stubbornness. He quickly picked up the newspaper I had been parked on and dutifully ran back to his master. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >Happy 110th Birthday Dr.Seuss! The galloping rhythms, the chaos, the fun. Of old Dr. Seuss, there was only the one. March 2, 2014, would have been Dr. Seuss’s 110th birthday. Happy birthday to him! We’re celebrating the 110th birthday of Theodor Geisel—you may know him as Dr. Seuss. The prolific children’s book author was born on March 2, 1904, and his mark on kids’ literature was so indelible, the National Education Association created National Read Across America Day (which will be celebrated on March 3 this year) in honor of the day. Dr. Seuss passed away in 1991 at age 87, but new generations of children still learn to read—and learn to flex their imaginations—with his unforgettable characters and rhymes to this day. That’s why we’re marking his birthday with some of his most inspiring quotes. Some are drawn from his books and others from interviews, but they’re all equally worth remembering today. >Dr. Seuss Quotes: 1. “You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” 2. “Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting so get on your way!” 3. “You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you’re the one who’ll decide where to go.” 4. “Oh, the things you can find if you don’t stay behind!” 5. “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” 6. “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.” 7. “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” 8. “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” 9. “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” 10. “I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” 11. “So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that life’s a Great Balancing Act.” 12. “Will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)” 13. “If things start happening, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.” 14. “Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.” 15. “Oh the things you can find if you don’t stay behind!” 16. “If you never did you should. These things are fun, and fun is good.” 17. “With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.” 18. “You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” --- ...Love his rhythm and rhyme! Thanks Karen! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) : _______ : / . . \ : I I : --------OOO---| |---OOO-------------------- : (___) >SMILES The professor was a fine lecturer, but he enjoyed throwing in an occasional off-color joke to entertain the students. The boys got a kick out of it, but the girls in the class were often embarrassed. Finally, the girls got together and went to the Dean to complain. The Dean was very sympathetic, but he explained that there was nothing he could do. The professor had been there for years and he couldn't be dismissed - but the Dean promised to talk to him, though he didn't really think it would do much good. Meanwhile, about all he could suggest was that the next time the professor started to tell an off-color joke, the girls should just walk out of the classroom. A couple of weeks went by, during which there were no embarrassing jokes - but, finally, one day the professor started in, "According to the latest reports, the U.S. Government has chartered a ship and they're going to collect all the prostitutes and ship them to Russia." The girls looked at each other, and as one, they rose and started to leave the room. The professor continued, "Oh, there's no hurry, girls. The ship doesn't leave until next month." -------- "Mom, you'd better come outside! I've just knocked over the ladder at the side of the house." "I'm busy. Go and tell your father." "He already knows. He's hanging from the roof." ------- On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point. "Start preparing for landing when you're at 300 feet." One student asked, "How do you know when you're at 300 feet"? "A good question. At 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground." She thought about this for a moment before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know?" -------- The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past Yin Road. Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin Road anywhere! Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask for directions. She stopped and asked at the next farm. "I ain't never heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer. "But ya might try askin' old man McGillicuddy. He's lived 'round here for better 'n 70 years." "Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him"? "He lives on the second farm past the Y in the road. -------- A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?" Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out." "OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, 'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef." ------- In 1875 a Danish couple converted to become Mormons and moved to Cache Valley Utah. They set up a farm in Rural Providence, Utah, and were self sufficient for a couple of years. By the third year, the husband decided to take a second wife, as Mormons of the time did. His wife was not too keen on the idea, so he convinced a Swedish neighbor to help in a plan to convince her. "Let us go to the barn, and pray for guidance on this major decision", said the husband. Whatever God tells us, that's what we'll do". They went to the barn, got on their knees, and old farmer Madsen started with the usual openings to Mormon prayers. After a few minutes of this, he posed the question: "heavenly father, should I take another wife?" Farmer Olson was in the rafters, as previously arranged, and in the most booming, deep voice he could muster, said, "Brother Madsen, I command thee to take another wife". After a moment, farmer Madsen looked over to his wife, and saw that she was sobbing uncontrollably. He put his arm around her, and said, "There there, a second wife will be an addition to the family, but she will never be a replacement for you. I'll still love you just as much." Mrs. Madsen said, "I have no problem with you taking a second wife, I've been resigned to that for a year now. But in my worst nightmare, I NEVER imagined that God was a Swede! -------- A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease. When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?" there was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'yes'. -------- "Why did your boss jump out of the window?" the detective asked the secretary. "I don't know", she sobbed, "he was always so nice to me. Two months ago he gave me a fur coat, last month a sports car and just today a diamond ring. Then he asked, what it would cost to be able to ravish me." "And what did you say?" I just said, "The other men in the office always just give me fifty bucks. ------- The new pastor decided to visit the children's Sunday School. The teacher introduced him and told him, "Pastor, this morning we're studying Joshua." "That's wonderful," replied the new pastor, "let's see what you're learning. Who tore down the walls of Jericho?" Little Billy shyly raised hand and offered, "Pastor, I didn't do it." Taken aback, the pastor asked, "Come on, now, who tore down the walls of Jericho?" Teacher, interrupting, said, "Pastor, Billy's a good boy. If he says he didn't do it, I believe he didn't do it." Flustered, the pastor went to the Sunday School director and related the story to him. The director, looking worried, explained, "Well, sir, we've had some problems with Billy before. Let me talk to him and see what we can do." Really bothered now, by the answers of the teacher and the director, the new pastor approached the deacons and related the whole story, including the responses of the teacher and the director. A white-haired gentleman thoughtfully stroked his chin and said, "Well, pastor, I move we just take the money from the general fund to pay for the walls and leave it at that." -------- A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Doc, I couldn't pick them up." -------- As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my baseball bat, thinking that could scare him off, and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit. I came around the corner with the bat raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I thought I heard an intruder. ?I came down to scare him." She looked my naked self up and down and mumbled, "You didn't need the bat." ------- Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift." The second man, not to be outdone, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift." The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift. As the fourth man arrives at the tee, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line his son is in. "To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's a practicing homosexual." As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big portfolio of stock certificates." -------- A new study has found that women with large backsides live longer than men who mention it. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: >From BizarreNews: The zombie apocalypse started unobtrusively at a Mississippi funeral home where workers say they found a man alive and kicking when they opened a body bag. Holmes County Coroner Dexter Howard calls it a miracle that 78-year-old Walter Williams is alive. The coroner was called to Williams' home in Lexington where family members believed he had died. Howard says Williams had no pulse and was pronounced dead. Early the next day, workers at Porter and Sons Funeral Home were preparing to embalm Williams when he started to kick in the body bag. Family members were called and Williams was taken to a hospital. Howard says he believes Williams' pacemaker stopped working, then started again. Since he was discovered 'alive' Williams has not tried to bite anyone or shown an appetite for brains...yet. *-- Pocket Bible credited with saving Dayton bus driver's life --* DAYTON, Ohio - A Dayton, Ohio, bus driver survived a close-range shooting Monday when a pocket version of the Bible he was carrying intercepted two bullets, police said. RTA driver Rickey Wagoner, 49, of Trotwood was shot twice in the chest and once in the right leg by one of three men who assaulted him while he was checking a mechanical problem with his bus about 5:20 a.m., the Dayton Daily News reported. Wagoner's son Rickey Jr. posted on Facebook, "Dad is doing good now and my family and I are just lucky he is still alive." Dayton police Sgt. Michael Pauley credited what was later described as a modern translation of the Bible called "The Message" with preventing the shooting from being fatal. "The two bullets were stopped by the New Testament book in his [shirt] pocket," Pauley said. "There was obviously some kind of intervention involved in this incident, because he probably should not be here." While investigators weren't ready to call the shooting gang-related, Wagoner told police one of the three young men who accosted him told another to kill him "if you want to be all the way in the club." Wagoner told an emergency dispatcher he had been shot in the leg and "my chest feels like I've been hit with a sledgehammer." Wagoner later told police in his statement after the first two shots to his chest he wrestled the gun from the assailant but it fired again, hitting him in the leg. Wagoner said another of the men stabbed him in the left arm with a knife, but he pulled out a pen from his pocket a nd stabbed that man in the leg with it. They ran away at that point and Wagoner said he used the gun they left behind to shoot at them. "Amazingly, his injuries are not life threatening," Pauley said. "He basically said he fought for his life." *-- Texas couple say chupacabra shot on their property --* VICTORIA, Texas - A Texas couple said their grandson shot a creature on their property that appears to be the legendary chupacabra. Doug and Lucy Ohrt said they were with family Sunday on their ranch in Victoria County when they came across an unfamiliar animal, KAVU-TV, Victoria, Texas, reported Thursday. "My grandson ran and got the gun and shot it at 240 yards, and my grandkids said, 'Oh that's a chupacabra,'" Doug Ohrt said. The chupacabra is a legendary creature whose name translates to "goat sucker." Lucy Ohrt said the creature's long legs and big teeth resemble a coyote, but it does not look like any of the coyotes in the area. "It's usually got long hair on it and this one doesn't and that's what makes it different from a regular coyote," she said. However, wildlife biologist Josh Turner said he is not convinced the beast was a chupacabra. "I've seen squirrels, raccoons, and coyotes in this area with the same features," Turner said. "[Chupacabras are] a mythical creature. ... People see but what it really is sarcoptic mange, which is caused by a mite that bites the animal and it can be on any mammal. Dogs, cats, coyotes, foxes, and humans can get another version of it as well," Turner said. *-- Dog with bone cancer going on bucket list adventures --* COQUITLAM, British Columbia - A British Columbia woman said she is taking her 9-year-old dog on a series of bucket list adventures after he was diagnosed with inoperable bone cancer. Riina Cooke of Coquitlam said she decided to create a bucket list for her boxer, Romeo, to make sure the canine's final days are happy and to help her deal with her grief, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. reported Friday. "I was just so upset for a day or two," Cooke said. "I wanted to snap out of it." "I thought, 'OK, let's make it a good experience,'" she said. Cooke said items already crossed off the list include meeting singer Bif Naked, a noted animal lover and cancer survivor, and taking a ride in a police car. Cooke said Romeo howled along with the police car's siren. Cooke said Romeo was treated to a spa day for his 9th birthday Thursday. "To me, he's my child," Cooke said. "I don't have children yet. He's my everything." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >Natural Cures... DO AWAY WITH HEADACHES IN 5 MINUTES Natural Therapy For Headaches! In about 5 mins, your headache will go. The nose has a left and a right side. We use both to inhale and exhale. Actually they are different. You'll be able to feel the difference. During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe. In about 5 mins, your headache will go. If you feel tired, just reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose. After a while, you will feel your mind is refreshed. Right side belongs to 'hot', so it gets heated up easily. Left side belongs to 'cold'. Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get "cooled off" faster. Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up. Do you notice, the moment you awake, which side breathes better? Left or right? Why not give it a try.....a natural therapy without medication. DON'T FORGET TO SHARE CURE FOR ACIDITY: Acidity, it is said, is worse than Cancer. It is one of the most common dis-ease people encounter in their daily life. The home remedy for Acidity is Raw Grains of Rice. The Process: 1. Take 8 - 10 grains of raw uncooked rice 2. Swallow it with water before having your breakfast or eating anything in the morning 3. Do this for 21 days to see effective results and continuously for 3 months to eliminate acidity from the body The Cure: Reduces acid levels in the body and makes you feel better by the day. CURE FOR CHOLESTEROL: Cholesterol problem accompanies with Hypertension and Heart Problems. This is also one of the common problems in people who have High Blood Pressure and Diabetes. The home remedy for Cholesterol problem is RAW SUPARI. The Process: 1. Take Raw Supari (Betel Nut that is not flavoured) and slice them or make pieces of the same 2. Chew it for about 20 - 40 minutes after every meal 3. Spit it out The Cure: When you chew the supari, the saliva takes in the juice that is generated and this acts like a Blood Thinner. Once your blood becomes free flowing, it brings down the pressure in the blood flow, thereby reducing Blood Pressure too. CURE FOR BLOOD PRESSURE: One of the simple home remedy cure for Blood Pressure is Methi Seeds or Fenugreek Seeds. The Process: 1. Take a pinch of Raw Fenugreek Seeds, about 8 - 10 seeds 2. Swallow it with water before taking your breakfast, every morning The Cure: The seeds of Fenugreek are considered good to reduce the blood pressure. CURE FOR DIABETES: There are 2 home remedies for Diabetes. One is Ladies Finger and the other is Black Tea. BLACK TEA: Due to high medication, the organ that is worst affected is the Kidney. It has been observed that Black Tea (tea without milk, sugar or lemon) is good for the Kidney. Hence a cup of black tea every morning is highly advisable. The Process: 1. Boil water along with the tea leaves (any tea leaves will do). 2. Drink the concoction without adding milk, sugar or lemon. The Cure: Black Tea will help in enhancing the function of the kidney, thereby not affecting it more. LADIES FINGER or OKRA: Ladies finger is considered to be a good home medicine for diabetes. The Process: 1. Slit the ladies finger into 2 halves vertically and soak it in water overnight. 2. The next morning, remove the ladies fingers and drink the water, before eating your breakfast. The Cure: After the ladies fingers are soaked overnight in the water, you can observe that the water becomes sticky in the morning. This sticky water is considered to be good for people who suffer from Diabetes. --- ...Interesting! Thanks Linda! LETTUCE TIP: I recently found out that covering a head of lettuce with foil will help it last up to two weeks in the fridge. I've tried this and found it to work pretty good. Don't wait until you use your lettuce to wrap it in foil. Do it straight from the store. I just had one only three days old from the store start to get bad spots. I should have wrapped it right away in foil. Amazingly the lettuce stays crisp too! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: 1+1=2 /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years." -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site: >Mixed Metaphors: "He swept the rug under the carpet." "She's burning the midnight oil at both ends." "It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire." "It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard." "She's robbing Peter to pay the piper." "He's up a tree without a paddle." "Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water." "Keep your ear to the grindstone." "Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb." "Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter." -<>- On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet. "I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," I said to my husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present. "Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old." -<>- I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it. "So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked. Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said, "that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter." There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said. -<>- : '. _ .' -= (~) =- .' # '. /""""" | (')') C _) \ _| \__/ <___Y> / \ :\\ / | :|\ |___| :|/\ | | :|\ \ \ \ :| \ \_ \ \==L| \\\ ///` || | || | || | || | || | || | || [___]] jgs (____)) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY..." "Everything Comes In Threes" - Not true. In reality, every- thing comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to recognize the pattern. "You Can't Take It With You (when you die)" - Well..., that depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets. "You Learn Something New Every Day" - Actually, you learn something old every day. Just because you've just learned it, doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is a good example of this. "You Get What You Pay For" - Clearly this is not true. Have you been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get whatever they feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful, you soon might not even get that. "NICE GUYS FINISH LAST" - Not true. Studies have shown that, on average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually, short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times, it was widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can see how limited those people were. -<>- Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceeds to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" To which the first lawyer replies, "It's that $50 I owe you." ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ..-----.. ___ .~ .--' O.-~~~\ (_) .~ | .-~ | .() .~ | | .-~__._ () .~~ .~~. \ .->#~~ < . O | .~ ~. `-~.~~ \H 8 \ ~-. | ~. ~. / XI H_|._> ~--' ~. ~. / H /----.___/\ ~. ~ | X H / II | ~. .' /~~% `. `. IX \_ < III .' | \|. | \ IIX `|\ IV / \ \| / _O..._ ~.. VII V ..~ .-~ . ()( /~.. VI ..~\ | ~ __(.) |___/~~--....--~~\___|nad \.--~# A blonde named Vikki is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin. Regis: "Vikki, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend.If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?" Vikki: "Yes." Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush." Vikki: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol." Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?" Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Vikki here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Vikki's..." Vikki: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush." Carol: "Oh geez, Vikki. That's simple. It's a cuckoo." Vikki: "Are you sure?" Carol: "I'm sure." Regis: "Vikki, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?" Vikki: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo." Regis: "Is that your final answer?" Vikki: "Yes." Regis: "Are you confident?" Vikki: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart." Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have just won one million dollars!" To celebrate, Vikki flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're sipping champagne, Vikki looks at Carol and asks her, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?" "That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks." -<>- Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow and asks: "How old was your husband? "He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years older than I am." "Really?" the undertaker said... "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?" -<>- A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest: As you shall make your bed so shall you... mess it up. Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader. Strike while the... bug is close. It's always darkest before... daylight savings time. Never underestimate the power of... termites. You can lead a horse to water but... how? Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty. No news is... impossible. A miss is as good as a... Mr. You can't teach an old dog new... math. If you lie down with the dogs, you'll... stink in the morning. Love all, trust... me. The pen is mightier than the... pigs. An idle mind is... the best way to relax. Where there's smoke, there's... pollution. Happy the bride who... gets all the presents! A penny saved is... not much. Two's company, three's... the Musketeers. Don't put off tomorrow what... you put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose. None are so blind as... Helen Keller. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries. You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind... get out of the way. There is no fool like... Aunt Eddie. -<>- ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm Two cowboy friends, Wally and Dallas, each bought a horse one summer. They enjoyed riding around and doing the things that cowboys do. When winter came, however, they did not want to pay to have their horses stabled for the winter. Instead, they decided to release them in a pasture and get them in the spring. Wally noticed a problem however, and he asked Dallas, "How will we know which horse is which when we pick them up?" Dallas answered, "Well, I've been thinking about that, and I have the answer! We'll cut the mane off of my horse and we'll cut the tail off of yours. That way, we'll know which horse belongs to you and which belongs to me." That seemed like a great plan, and so after the trimmings, the horses were released into the pasture. When spring came around, Wally and Dallas came to get their horses, only to discover that the mane and tail had grown back during the winter. "Dallas, since the mane and tail have grown back, how do we know which is yours and which is mine?" Wally asked. Dallas responded, "Well, I guess you'll have to take the black one and I'll take the white one." -Two BLONDES here! - J.R. -<>- _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb 1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..." 2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but couldn't find any. 4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. 6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". 7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle. 8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. 9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. 10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 11. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual." 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he'scross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" 13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start." 14. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom,boom! 15. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh. 16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' 17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad.Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. 18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other, "Your round." The other one says, "So are you, you fat so and so!" 19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more" 22. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. -<>- Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders off to pee against the wall. Like dogs do, it raised it's leg and started to do his thing. The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the other dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his hind legs, put both paws on the wall and relieved himself. One guy says to the other, "Wow, how did you teach him to pee like that?" The second man replies, "I didn't teach him. He's done it ever since the wall fell on him..." -<>- ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland >*Signs You've Chosen a "No Frills" Airline* You can't board the plane unless you have the exact change. Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once." No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel =========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Venice Of Holland! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gvillage.html Attitude Is Everything 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.html Sweet Wooden Car! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html Life's Little Oops 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html John Scapes' Basement! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html Amazing Albino Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albino.html Hand Painting Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint2.html Daily With The Troops 3 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily3.html Love Thoughts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html Iceland's Volcano http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/volcano.html My Catty Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catlife.html Road Train Trucks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Typhoon Ride What is a Typhoon? A typhoon is a mature tropical cyclone that develops in the western part of the North Pacific Ocean. At least that would be one definition. Here is another. A Typhoon is also a twin-engine, canard-delta wing, multirole fighter designed and manufactured by a European consortium of three companies, BAE-Systems, Airbus Group, and Alenia Aeronautica in these countries: UK, Germany, Italy, and Spain. The Typhoon may not be stealthy but otherwise, like Millie, it is thoroughly modern and, I might add, capable. Select below to enjoy riding in the back seat of a UK Typhoon for a Royal Air Force Nap-of-the-Earth fight over Wales. I promise you will be spared g-forces, and will experience an excellent trip over beautiful country. https://www.youtube.com/embed/sjvgC1cKQGA#t=13 --- ...Wow! Gotta love these virtual tours and rides! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend louiseA :) It's not like you need any more reasons to want to go to Hawaii this instant. But if you did, you wouldn't find a much better one than this epic quadcopter footage captured off the coast of Maui. Once in a lifetime video. http://vimeo.com/86812942#at=0 World War Two history buffs will enjoy watching about the guns from the Battleship USS Arizona BB-39 and USS Missouri BB-63 that were recently placed at the Wesley Bolin Memorial Plaza in Phoenix. These Big Guns are like the bookends of the war because the USS Arizona was sunk at Pearl Harbor to begin the war while the Japanese Surrender http://biggeekdad.com/2010/03/japanese-surrender/ was conducted on the USS Missouri to officially end the war. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dFIZX_RXuU&feature=player_embedded Jean Claude Van Damme performs splits in outer space. Jean Claude Van Damme's viral video of doing the splits between two moving Volvo trucks was followed by many parodies, but none of them were as "far out" as this sequel by Linh Mai. Original music by Enya. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMSbrFLBz64&feature=player_embedded French paragliding champion Jean-Baptiste Chandelier is about to take your breath away. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=L62faWn-sa8 --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) Flickr: Railroad Jack's Photostream http://www.flickr.com/photos/blast_of_the_past/ Jazz for Cows! https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/lXKDu6cdXLI?rel=0 --- ...TeeHee! Fun to watch! Thanks Fran! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A spelling bee in Missouri was forced to shut down because it ran out of words for the final two contestants to spell. The organizers said, 'You know, someone ought to just publish a big book with all the words in it.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Women spend an average of 335 hours a year getting ready, according to some very passive-aggressive researchers who are outside waiting in the car." -Jimmy Kimmel "A substitute teacher in Oklahoma was arrested after she tried to teach while drunk. She had everybody fooled, but then she gave herself away by carrying her heels." -Seth Meyers "A new study found that being lonely is actually worse for your health than being obese. You know, because if you're obese at least it FEELS like there's two of you." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new study, women are more attracted to men who talk less. Which is why you often overhear women say, 'Check out that mime.'" -Conan O'Brien "Washington, D.C., 7-Eleven stores have begun selling Dorito- coated cheese sticks. Because when 7-Eleven drops food on the floor, they don't give up." -Seth Meyers "A new survey named Vienna, Austria, the world's best city. Vienna came out on top because it was No. 1 in three important categories: public transportation, clean air, and the quantity of teeny-tiny sausages." -Craig Ferguson "This weekend is George Washington's birthday. Washington had probably the hardest job of any other president because he had no predecessor to blame things on. He was out there all on his own." -Dave Letterman "The number of shark attacks around the world increased by 25 percent. With the economy like it is, more and more sharks are turning to crime." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************