Duck Hunters Tale And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our newest hottie comes from a forward from our friend Linda and is sure to bring you good cheer! Check it out here... _______ _.-' ''...._ .' .--. '.` : .--. : : '-. : : : : : :` : : @ :___: @ : __ '`. __..:---'''' `----'' `. .'" __..--'' ___j : : __..--'' .--' __..'' : `. ..--'' __..--'' __..' /`` .' __..--'' __..--'' / : __..--'' __..--'' \ : _.--'' __..--'' : :`.: : _.-' __..--'' : / : .' __..--'' \ / \ :--'' \ .' \ : [WILU] : : \: : \ ' : \ Think Positive! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/positive.html --- ...Such an wonderful inspirational one! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: ___ .-""-. / '''---...-'.' `\\ jgs \___...---"""-._-.__// Fixin To Make The Fixins... '---' If I where a maniac, I would drive a Cadillac. But at least I would not be a hypochondriac, even if I was on prozac. If I was fixing to make the biscuits I would first get the biscuit mixes. Then I would make the biscuit fixins I was fixin to get the biscuit mixes. But I seen two stixes so I used the stixes to mix the mixes together to make the biscuit fixins. But then suddenly Mr Nicks started to help me with the biscuit fixins. Then I asked Mr Nicks if we needed more mix in the biscuit mix to make more fixins? Mr nicks said no I don't think we need more mix in this biscuit mix because we are ( fixin to really start mixing the mix ) ) because you know when you are fixin to _.(--"("""--.._ mix the mix. You need to mix the mix /, _..-----).._,\ real fast so when you mix the mix fast | `'''-----'''` | the mix gets bigger so you can make \ / more fixins. But at this point we are '. .' only just fixin to make the fixins. jgs '--.....--' _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) CHILDREN AS PETS-THE CAT YEARS I just realized that while children are dogs -- loyal and affectionate -- teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it. Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before. You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave. Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away. Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it. One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again. ======================================================= *-- Bizarre April Holidays --* April 9 is Winston Churchill Day and Name Yourself Day April 10 is Golfers Day April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day April 14 is National Pecan Day April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day ======================================================= >-->Talk about Fixin' - DOGGIE TREATS From Our Friend Bunni :) Did you know? Brewers yeast (available at health-food stores) is a natural anti-flea remedy. A half teaspoon of nutritional brewer's yeast daily can provide the B complex vitamins a dog needs. Dr. Michael Fox recommends brewer's yeast or nutritional yeast (but not baker's yeast), giving 1 teaspoon per 30 pounds of body weight mixed with the animal's food. http://www.easy-homemade-recipes.com/flea-repellent.html ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB >FLEA HATER'S DOG BISCUITS 1 cup flour 1/4 cup wheat germ 1/4 cup brewer’s yeast 1 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon plus 1 1/2 teaspoons canola oil optional 1 clove garlic chopped, or 1 teaspoon powdered garlic 1/2 cup chicken stock plus 3 tablespoons for basting Heat oven to 400 degrees. Line a sheet pan with parchment paper. Mix flour, wheat germ, brewer’s yeast, and salt together in a medium bowl. In a mixing bowl, combine oil and garlic. Alternately add 1/2 cup chicken stock and flour mixture in 3 parts; mix until well combined. Knead about 2 minutes by hand on floured surface; dough will be sticky. On a lightly floured surface, roll dough out about 3/8 inch thick. Cut out bone shapes; place on prepared baking sheet. Bake 10 minutes, rotate baking sheet, and baste with remaining 3 tablespoons chicken stock. Bake 10 minutes longer. Turn off oven, leaving oven door closed. Leave pan in oven for 1 1/2 hours longer .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB >Flea Away 1/4 Cup Cottage Cheese Vitamin E 1001 IU 1/4 Teaspoon Garlic Powder 1 Tbsp. Bacon Grease Mix all the ingredients and add to food daily. ,--. _/ <`-' ,-.' \--\_ ((`-.__\ ) \`' @ (_ ( (_) ,'`-._(`-._/ ,-' )&&) )) ,-' /&&&%-' ,' __ ,- {&&&&/ / ,' \| |\&&'\ ( | |' \ `--. (%--'\ ,--.\ `-.`-._))) `---'`-/__)))`-._))) hjw >Peanutty Pupcicles 1 banana 1/2 cup peanut butter 1/4 cup wheat germ 1/4 cup chopped peanuts Mash banana's and peanut butter, stir in wheat germ. Chill 1 hour. With wet hands, solid. Place in container, store in refrigerator or freezer. xXXXX xXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXX "XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXX XXXXX xXx XXXx XXXXX XX" XXXX XXXXx "XX" " XXXXXX XXXXX xXx XXXXX" """ xXXXXXx "XX" Ts97 XXXXXXXXXX xXXXXXXXXXXXXXx XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX """" """"""" >Frosty Paws Ice Cream 32 oz. vanilla yogurt 1 mashed banana or one large jar of baby fruit 2 Tablespoons peanut butter 2 Tablespoons honey Blend all together and freeze in either 3 ounce paper cups or ice cube trays. Microwave just a few seconds before serving. /) o__^^/_/) \ ' \`-' ___ `| \______/--'` | \ ././-------,.\ BP_mic >Dog corn crisps recipe Corny dogs: Corn is a worldwide favorite for both dogs and humans. It is also high in nutritional value. Dogs really enjoy eating fresh corn, and they really love biting on the cob. Let your dog do this, as the cob is the place that contains the most amounts of vitamins in the corn. Ingredients 1 cup cornmeal 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup buttermilk 1 1/2 tablespoons corn oil 1 tablespoon honey Butter Put the cornmeal, baking soda, salt, buttermilk, oil, and honey into the food processor or blender and process or blend until the batter is smooth. Melt the butter in a skillet and ladle out 2 tablespoons of batter onto the pan. Make each 7 – 8 cm round. Cook both sides until they are golden brown. This should take about 5 minutes for each. Makes approximately 12 pancakes --- ...Wow, Thanks Bunni! I always tell the grand kids to eat up because I didn't do all this work cooking just to give it to the dog - LOL! I guess some people do! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Brenda :) >Story Time - True Duck Hunters Tale: _.._ / a\__, \ -.___/ \ \ (\____) \ |\_( )) _____| (_ /________ _\____(______/__ gnv ______ This is truly a dandy true story…….. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM PRINCE ALBERT? TRUE STORY HEARD ON A SASKATOON RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT. A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator from Merlin Motors in Saskatoon for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00). He and a friend go duck hunting at Tobin Lake in mid-October; and of course the lake is frozen. These two guys go out on a lake with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the New NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...??? +----------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | ______________________________ . \ | / . | | / / \ \ \ / / | | | Chris Young |{========= >- -< | | \____________________________\_/ / / \ \ | | . / | \ . | | | +----------------------------------------------------------------+ Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING!!! Especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator. The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dogs rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master. Then''''''''''BOOOOOOOOOOOOM''''''''''!!!! The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with 'I can't believe this just happened' looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments. In case you are wondering...The dog is okay. Newspaper item from the Saskatoon Star-Phoenix.. AND THEY MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE FROM NEWFOUNDLAND? --- ...LOL! What a story! Thanks Brenda! -<>- ___________ @ @ / (@\ @ \___________/ _@ @ _/@ \_____ @/ \__/-="="` \_ / <| <| jgs <| >THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!!! Several days ago, as I left a meeting, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.” There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken,” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!” I call it just another 'senior moment'! --- ...LMAO! Now this is funny! Thanks Brenda! -<>- Truth A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn't once lit up a cigarette. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" she asked. "No," I replied. "I have a cold, and I don't smoke when I'm not feeling well." "You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were sick more often." --- ...No she didn't! HaHa! Thanks Brenda! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend RichardF :) ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >POEM FOR COMPUTER USERS OVER 40 A computer was something on TV From a Science Fiction show of note. A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the father of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights. Now they all mean different things And that really mega bytes. An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano. A Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3 inch floppy - You hoped nobody found out. Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped in public You'd be in jail for awhile. Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home. And virus was the flu. I guess I'll stick with my pad and paper And the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead! --- ...LOL! My how times have changed! Thanks RichardF! -<>- __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb >WALKING THE DOG A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. A man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her guide dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight. He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady said, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs." Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a guide dog for the blind! Even worse, the pilot was wearing sunglasses! People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! True story..... Have a great day and remember.... THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR. A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A DAY WASTED!!! --- ...KMAO! Aww, and you've made our day sunnier! Thanks RichardF! ========================================================= >-->From our Friend Johanna :) PRAY FOR OBAMA! ! .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' My wife and I were in slow-moving traffic the other day and we were stopped behind a car that had an unusual Obama bumper sticker on it. It read: "Pray for Obama. Psalm 109:8". When we got home my wife got out the Bible and opened it up to the scripture. She started laughing & laughing. Then she read it to me. I couldn't believe what it said. I had a good laugh, too. Psalm 109:8 "Let his days be few and brief; and let others step forward to replace him." At last -- I can honestly voice a Biblical prayer for our president! Look it up -- it is word for word! Let us all bow our heads and pray. Brothers and Sisters, can I get an AMEN? --- ...AMEN! LOL! Thanks Johanna! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From VisionTo America: How Bad is this Obama Easter Message? http://tinyurl.com/cro5r5m -<>- >From CowboyByte: Black Panthers, Neo Nazis and Easter http://tinyurl.com/87fl9q4 -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: Why Obama's Political Mentor Deserted Him http://tinyurl.com/bppdvhx -<>- >From BizarreNews: What is it that separates us from the animals? Is it the divine spark? Is it our ability to think, reason and plan? Our ability to fashion tools? To make dinner reservations? Or perhaps it's just that we do NOT "mark our territory" wherever we are like some horny canine. Well, let's hope is not just the last one, because apparently that is not within the realm of talents of some of us, as human beings. Take the story this Farm Bureau employee from Des Moines, Iowa. The man had worked in the information technology department and had access to all computers and the employee database. Would look up employee photos in the database. He "would pick out the attractive females and then on off-hours, he would come into work, go to their desk and urinate on their chairs." Employees first started complaining about stains on their chairs last October. Surveillance cameras were installed in February which is when the culprit was caught. The value of the damaged chairs was estimated at $4,500. The psychological damage of sitting in the creepy IT guy's piss day after day is incalculable. *-- Couple build 125-square-foot home --* BOULDER, Colo. - A Colorado couple say they have big dreams for the tiny house they've built as an example of sustain- ability and simple living. The interior of the house is about 125 square feet, which is 90 percent smaller than their current home in Boulder, Colo., Christopher Smith and Merete Mueller said. The new house has many features based in sustainability, including reclaimed windows, beetle-kill lumber, solar power and a composting toilet filled with peat moss and sawdust, KMGH-TV, Denver, reported Wednesday. "When we set out it was to show that a normal person, who never built anything before, can take on a project like this and finish it," Smith said. The construction was filmed for a documentary called "Tiny" that explores "the ways we find ourselves at home," the couple's Web site said. Smith and Mueller said the project was originally going to function as a second home, but they are now considering making it their full-time residence. "The more that I've been working on it with Merete, and the more we visit other people's tiny houses, it's starting to feel more and more like a home, and I can definitely picture myself living in it full-time," Smith said. *-- Bear rescues man from mountain lion --* PARADISE, Calif. - A California man said he was attacked by a mountain lion while out hiking and he was rescued by a mother bear. Robert Biggs, 69, of Paradise said he went out hiking and gold panning Monday morning near Whiskey Flats, and stopped to watch a mother bear with a yearling and a cub sitting on a stream bank, ABC News reported Friday. Biggs said he was turning to leave when a mountain lion jumped onto his back. He said he hit the lion on the head with a rock pick and he turned to see the mother bear grab the mountain lion by the neck and throw it to the ground. The hiker, who suffered a wound to his arm, said the lion fled after a brief struggle. "I think the lion was stalking the bear's cub and I got in the way," Biggs said. "The bear walked calmly back to her cub after, and I wrapped my arm up with a T-shirt and went gold panning before I went home." *-- Spy robot can jump 30 feet straight up --* WALTHAM, Mass. - The U.S. Army has tested a reconnaissance robot that can jump 30 feet into the air, high enough to vault into a second story window, its maker says. Developed by Massachusetts firm Boston Dynamics, with U.S. Army fund- ing, the tiny robot -- looking something like a radio- controlled model car minus its body -- can stop, stand up and launch itself with a CO2-powered piston, The Christian Science Monitor reported. Dubbed the Sand Flea, the robot can jump 25 times on a single charging with CO2, its developers said. The Sand Flea is an updated version of the Precision Urban Hopper, which was developed by Sandia National Laboratories. Unlike it predecessor, the Sand Flea has a gyroscopic stabilization system to keep it oriented as it jumps, making for steadier video in mid-flight. After evaluation by the Army Test and Evaluation Command, the Army could ship nine of the robots to Afghanistan to join about 2,000 others already being used by U.S. forces, CNET reported. *-- Only good driver 'on the planet' ruins car --* NEW YORK - A car that hit a guardrail on a New York road was photographed with a bumper sticker proclaiming the motorist is the only good driver "on the planet." The car, which was smashed on its front end and flipped over after colliding with the guardrail in a northbound lane of the FDR Drive at 9 a.m. Sunday, was photographed bearing a bumper sticker reading, "Why am I the only one on the planet who knows how to drive?" the New York Post reported Monday. Police said the male driver, who was alone in the car, was taken to Weill Cornell Medical Center with non- life-threatening injuries. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Rolan According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her. "With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem." -<>- My job is in the Aerospace Industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain just what kind of work I do. At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, "Defense Contractor." The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, "So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link?" -<>- My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured him that he would prompt him. All went well until, at the close, the undertaker whispered to him to instruct the family to come up and view the body. "Will the family now come forward and pass around the bier," said my father. He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later, as my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery workers talking. "I didn't get any beer," one said. "Did you?" "You heard the chaplain," the other replied. "It was just for the family." -<>- _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / || || || || || jgs || \/ Harry teed up, addressed his ball and took a magnificent swing, but something went wrong and he hit a wicked slice. The ball left the fairway he was playing, and went onto the adjoining one where it hit a man full in the face. He dropped like a rock! Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious, and with the ball lying between his feet. "Oh my Gosh!," exclaimed Harry, "what should we do?" "I'm not sure." said his partner. "But don't move him! If we just leave him here he's an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies, or drop it two club lengths away without penalty." -<>- _.~._ ,~'.~@~.`~. / : _..._ : \ { :,"''))`".: } `C) 9 _ 9 (-'.._,-"7o-.__ ( )(@)( ) /o `. `-.___.-' `-._ / \ \ / `-' ;`-._,-. y ,' `---t.,-. \_____ ,' /---.__\ _( \--------' _,\ ,' `-.__.--' `. \_____ '///,-`-' `-------' hjw A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic. The woman glanced over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie." -<>- Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won't hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit. Judge: "Was the child born out of wedlock?" Mother: "No, sir, just outside of Louisville." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** . | , \ _---_ / -_ .' `. _- __ : .---. : __ : \ / : -" `. | | .' "- / |`-'| \ ' ]"-_[ ` ]"-_[ Ojo 98 "*" ** "The greatest discovery of any generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering the attitudes of their minds." ~- Albert Schweitzer ** A watch is something a woman uses to see how late she is. ** I love to take Cabs. Too bad the meter always goes faster than it does. ** Summer is that time of the year you ride bumper to bumper to get to the beach, where you sit all day anyway. ** My wife is just crazy about Macy's. She spent some of the happiest pages of my checkbook on the third floor. ** Today's president is tomorrow's thirty-five cent stamp. ** There no such thing as a good morning. They all begin with waking up. ** When I gave our kids all the things I didn't have as a child, they laughed at me. ** I told the doctor I sometimes feel so inferior that I don't think anyone notices me at all. He said, 'Next.' ** I used to be so short, I had to stand on a chair to change my mind. -<>- ** For Your Inspiration From Jack: ** , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Ref: 1 Pet 2:2. Like newborn babies you should crave the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may be nurtured and grow unto salvation. When I was a boy, my church had Sunday school the year around. At least half of my Sunday school teachers were men. The men in my church assisted in forming my character. The men I remember the most, led their families to church. They led in praying and they sang loudly in service. When I acted up, as most children do, one of the men would come over and sit down beside me, sharing his hymnal and we sang together. My parents never worried about me in church, I had a whole church full of disciplinarians. I began to get the idea that what was done in church was fearfully and wonderfully important to life and living. The Church became awesome to my nature. The year was 1945, our servicemen were returning from World War II. One Sunday when we were singing hymns of praise and giving thanks and reading psalms, two of the servicemen of the church picked up the American flag and the Christian flag and began singing "Onward Christian Solders." Without further queue, all of them stood up and began to march out the door of the church and circled the property, leading us all in praise to God for bringing them home safe. Our Pentecostal brothers have a term for action, they call it a "Jericho March", but this occurred in a Lutheran Church. Now I asked you this question, "What does it take for us to become bold and open in our faith, a War, a National tragedy?" What would inspire you to get off your "Blessed Assurances" and become a fool for God? I am much older now and wonder if I have come up to the standard of those men before me? Am I the man I am supposed to be? Across the fields of yesterday he sometimes comes to me, A little lad just back from play, the boy I used to be. He smiles at me so wistfully when once he's crept within, It is as though he'd hoped to see the man I might have been. -<>- _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb ** Short Takes ** While making rounds at a residency hospital, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical school grads. "As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. What would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the UNC med school grad, "I suppose I'd limp too." ==================== It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. ==================== During their silver anniversary, Esther reminded her husband Morris, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" Morris replied, "Yes, Esther, that was the happiest hour of my life." ==================== "What's the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?" "Morning Sickness." -<>- _-_ /~~ ~~\ /~~ ~~\ { } \ _- -_ / ~ \\ // ~ _- - | | _- _ _ - | | -_ // \\ unknown ** The Expert ** While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took X rays of a trauma patient. I brought the films to our radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis. "What happened to this patient?" he asked in astonishment. "He fell out of a tree," I reported. The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree. "I'm not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Asplundh Tree Experts." Gazing intently at the X rays, the radiologist blinked and said, "Cross out 'experts." -<>- ** CAT LAXATIVE ** Mrs. Bronson's kitty isn't feeling well - a bad case of constipation. She calls the vet, who prescribes her a new kind of laxative. "Give her about six teaspoons of it, and she'll be better in no time." Mrs. Bronson does as she's told and brings the cat in a week later. The vet asks, "How's your calf?" "I don't have a calf. It was my cat who wasn't feeling well." "Oh my! That laxative was designed for a larger animal! There's no telling how it might affect a smaller animal! How's your cat doing?" "I'm not sure. The last time I saw her, she was heading toward the north end of town with ten other cats. Five were digging, three were covering, and two were scouting for new territory." -<>- | BOEING 777 | by Jon Hyatt | whatfer@u.washington.edu .-'-. ' ___ ' ---------' .-. '--------- _________________________' '-' '_________________________ ''''''-|---|--/ \==][^',_m_,'^][==/ \--|---|-'''''' \ / ||/ H \|| \ / '--' OO O|O OO '--' ** THIS IS THE CAPTAIN ** About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep. No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!" -<>- .--. / oo /\_\_/ /\___/ ,`.__/ 7___/ |___| |___| \___\_ \___\_ \___\ \___\ \___\_ fsc `.__\_ `._\ `\ ** Gone Fishing ** A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." -<>- ** FIRST-TIME HOUSE BUILDER ** Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house." -<>- ** Well, Were You ** A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge. After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling." "Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not." Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?" The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied "With whom?" -<>- ___ ,--[___]--, / \ |,.--'```'--.,| , |'-.,_____,.-'| || |'-.,_____,.-'| || | | _||_ | P A I N T | ///\\\ | | HHHHHH |'-.,_____,.-'| |||||| jgs `'-.,_____,.-'' |||||| ** Ever See Anything Like That ** A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed." -<>- ** It's A Dry Heat ** All my life, when the Western states (Nevada, Arizona, etc) weather was discussed, I always heard something along the lines of , 'it's hot, but it's a dry heat...' Last year in February, on vacation in Las Vegas, I commented to a lady running a gift shop that it must be unbearable in Las Vegas during August. She responded that it was hot, yes, 110 or more in the shade at it worst, but that it was a dry heat.... O , U <_\__--"-' | |\ `----' L L Wny Another New Yorker in my group snickered and commented: "So's a blowtorch, lady". -<>- ** Not My Son ** Attending our oldest son's boot-camp graduation at Fort Leonard Wood, Mo., my husband and I wanted to make the trip a special one for just the two of us. We checked into an elegant hotel and, after a romantic evening, went up to our room. Five minutes later, we heard a knock at the door. Standing there was our Army son. "Hi," he said with a big smile. "I've come to spend the night!" ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Never Give Up! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/nevergiveup.html Attitude Is Everything 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude5.html Ray's Freedom Rock http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock.html Crayola Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crayolaart.html Telephone Sheep Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html Great Banyan Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/banyan.html Festival Of Citrus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orangefest.html Luxury Yacht! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/luxyacht.html Maxine On Jesus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html World's Best Husband! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html True Fish Tale http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishrescue.html -<>- >From Our Friend RichardF :) He sent us one we have here... I love the facial expressions! Egg Face Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggface.html --- ...TeeHee - A funny reminder! Thanks RichardF! -<>- >From Our Friend Kay :) Happy Easter! http://tinyurl.com/72ldxc3 --- ...Awww, sweet Thanks Kay! -<>- >From Our Friend Annie :) Oh, the egg with it! http://www.terrisfp1.com/holidays/chick.html Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in. --- ...HaHa! You're startin' it! Thanks Annie! -<>- >From Our Friend JoanR :) These guys are very talented. Fiddler And Pianist http://biggeekdad.com/2011/12/fiddler-and-pianist/ --- ...LOL! Indeed they are! Thanks JoanR! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Our Teleprompter President http://dont-tread-on.me/?p=15388 --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! And they say he is so intelligent - when? I like the comment from Ben on this page - What will they do to us? Who knows….but we will punch above our weight. Happy Easter from the 'religion of peace' http://tinyurl.com/cpdrejc --- ...Sad. Thanks PatDeE! Yeah, they lie - nothing new about that - Jesus had them nailed when he said this John 8: [44] Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. -<>- >From Our Friend Brenda :) [an et-ahem!] Sooo Funny: Boy Starts Trippin Out After Getting His Wisdom Teeth Pulled! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fj7sNrFqf-Y --- ...Oh my - Something different - thanks Brenda! - my humor bone is different - I think it iss sooo sad mom is filming her son acting like a no brain. She keeps saying she has to take him back to the hospital now but she just keeps on filming instead of driving. I see by the after videos, that many think drugged out kids are funny. It just must be me then. -<>- Longevity calculator Kinda fun to watch your age go up and down as you answer the questions. Now this is interesting, give it a try.... How long will you live? This is a calculator that estimates your life expectancy. It was developed by Northwestern Mutual Life. It's interesting that there are only 13 questions. Yet, they can predict how long you're likely to live. Longevity calculator http://media.nmfn.com/tnetwork/lifespan --- ...Wowsers. Interesting! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: You Meet Me http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/A/Meet.html THE KING'S KID INSPIRATIONAL POETRY at: http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html He's Alive http://www.wtv-zone.com/summerhoosier3/html3/HES-ALIVE.html Easter greetings http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/eastergreetings.htm Arisen Savior http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/arisensavior.htm Visit Melissa's Online Store You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at the online store http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Looking through the want ads last week, I came across a job that required a college degree or the equivalent. Finally, I thought, my eight years of high school are paying off." -Buzz Nutley "If you enjoy your alcohol, remember this: If you put your old, rotten liver under your pillow, the Beer Fairy will leave you a keg." --Paul Tomkins "My sister was in labor for thirty-six hours. Ow! She got wheeled out of delivery, looked at me, and said, 'Adopt.'" --Caroline Rhea "They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their commercials. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your hair look luscious!'" --Vernon Chapman "I think the most memorable experience I had in France was visiting the cathedral at Chartres. It's a 400-year-old cathedral. Beautiful stained glass, and it's a very, very moving experience, and as I was writing my name on it with a can of spray paint..." --Steve Martin "I'm getting older and I'm thinking about having my eggs frozen. Well, just the egg whites. I'm trying to cut back on my cholesterol." --Brenda Pontiff "It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord." ~~Abraham Lincoln "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~~ Mark Twain >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************