Dust Thou Art ... :) Shangy! >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press... . . * . . . . * . . . . . . * . . * . . . * . . * . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . . . . . . * * . ____ * . . . . . . . . . `. ````.---...___ . * . . . * . . \_ ; \`.-'```--..__. . . * . . ,'_,-' _,-' ``--._ . * . . . . -' ,-' `-._ * . . * . ,-' _,-._ ,`-. . . . . '--. _ _.._`-. `-._ | `_ . * . . ; ,' ' _ `._`._ `. `,-'' `-. . . ,-' \ `;. `. ;` `._ _/\___ `. . * \ \ , `-' ) `':_ ; \ `. . * . \ _; ` ,; __; `. . '-.; __, ` _,-'-.--''' \-: `. * . )`-..---' `---'' \ `. . . . .' `. `. ` . * . \*jrei In celebration of the up and coming Earth Day April 22, we now have another 'GREEN' page! Our first one was this: AWESOME GRASS ROOF SCHOOL! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gschool.html This next one is a first - as far as I know there isn't another one in the making in ALL The Whole Wide World... AWESOME HOTEL QUARRY RESORT! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/qhotel.html -<>- >Our Friend PatW reminded me of Spring cleaning ... Ahh yes. Isn't that a joy - Not! *Giggles* .`:;ij;f,;, .`;sk568G6itz,-", .\a\x68888888886r/,-' -._sV888P^98^"^9888k,-_" `.-\Q889" " `888/,-', .-_J88f 188KJ-_. ,-;388| o o |888[=- _".>88l j88E:._" _"Z3886._ ,J.__.488R=;. .'/288888888888888S^._" '"j^7Z988888885R^L`-. ,'./jQV9TYVR\[\`". '|'|! |'|`. " ./ l | \ .'_ _.\ j, `._,. (_)_)._) (_.__,._) 'Dust thou art and dust thou shalt return' is what I always think of with Spring Cleaning Time. Also Fall Cleaning time. The more people and animals in the place, the more dust to clean. It is fun. Amazing how your perspective on dirt changes too as you get older. When I was a kid, dirt was the most important thing to my mom. We couldn't get the house or the clothes or the yard or the garage or the car clean enough to suit her. Least not for very long any way! Then when I left home to make my own home with my husband, she had a whole different look at dirt. Dirt was more tolerable to her. She only cleaned when it absolutely needed it and she felt like it. Forget the weekly clean schedule. She made up her own schedule for cleaning. Then when she got much older, the dirt was mostly invisible to her. She only saw the dirt right before it was cleaned by her once a month cleaning lady. Any other time, it just wasn't there. ____ / \ /______\ || || /~~~~~~\ || /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ /~ ( )( ) ~\ || /~ ( )( )( )( )( ) ~\ (_)======(_) || (_)===============(_) |________| _||_ |_________________| Keely 02/94 Now they think dust from our flame-retardant carpet, furniture, bedding, clothes etc., can be making us and our pets sick. With all the newfangled stuff these days, we haven't had the time to do long evaluations on accumulated effects on humans and pets. Usually if we are OK with it right away, we don't worry about levels of it later. Check this out here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20297921/ . * . . . . (*.) . * . . ( .(.. ) ) . .( (..* ).*) . ( * . ). .) . . ( (. *.) . . . * .* . Keely All I know is that dust sucks! Not only is it a problem with allergies Check it out here: http://www.allerpet.com/ But, did you know that bird dropping dust can pose a huge health risk? Check it out here: http://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/diseases/crptococcus.htm So, it is good to get busy and get that dreaded Spring Cleaning done! Though I've just started, I'll eventually get it done - even it takes me all summer! By golly! TeeHee Oh, Yeah. I almost forgot! I've heard that there are even whole vilages of people living on dust! Yep. Amazing huh? _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ Horton The Elephant told me all about it! http://rainlinks.com/hortonhearsawho.htm For those of you who find housework a bit boring, you can always do a bit of dusting while watching a movie! Be sure to take the kids to see the big picture version of it ;) Check It Out Here: http://rainlinks.com/alltext.htm ===================================================================== >-->From The FUnnyBone: Caring For The Blind Paddy was working in a home for the blind when one day, he decided he was gonna go to the country side and visit a lady friend of his. Just as luck would have it, three of the blind people he looked after begged him to take them with for the ride, just to get out to the country and breath the crisp, fresh air. All attempts to dissuade them were fruitless when Paddy came up with a plan to keep them busy while he was inside with the lady friend. _...._ Anyway, so off they went and after a long .' \ _'. drive finally arrived at the cottage where /##\__/##\_\ upon they were greeted by Paddy's friend. |\##/ \##/ | Before going inside he gave his three |/ \__/ \ _| blind friends a soccer ball with a bell \ _/##\__/#/ inside so that they could play a bit of jgs '.\##/__.' kick the ball while he was busy. Paddy, `""""` sure that this would keep them out of any trouble left them and went inside. About two hours later Paddy decided to check on his friends and wondered outside. To his absolute horror there were his three blind friends being loaded into the back of a police van, handcuffs and all. Paddy rushed to his car and followed the van to the Police station. Absolutely dumbfounded as to what his blind friends could have done that would warrant them being arrested, he questioned the arresting officer. "Well sir, its and open and shut case. Those three gentleman kicked an ice cream man to death!" ===================================================================== +------------------- Bizarre Criminals -------------------+ In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it was carrying potato chips instead. In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny dye capsule exploded, blowing a hold in his trousers. In 1998, a would be Texas grocery store robber tried to disguise his face with a balaclava, however, he failed to remove a laminated badge which bore his name, place of employment and position from his breast pocket. Police had no difficulty catching a man who stole a barge on the River Thames in 1972. There was a dock strike on that day and his was the only craft moving. The defense attorney for Tyrone Jerrols of Houston, Texas, who was facing charges of murder, filed a motion to prevent the use of Jerrol's nickname, claiming it would prejudice the jury. Jerrol's nickname is "Hitman." ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Bob :) \_/ \\ --(_)-- < "_) / \ .--.-.--. / / V /#/ ______________/(/ )\ _,--,/ .-/#/\ "\"-._.oo ' / \)/_\\ "-.___. ./____________________\ \__ | ( ) |__| |__| | ,-,\_|_|__|_____________|__,-, | |________________________| | L L________________________J J '._.'._.'._.'T T________________________P P_.'._.'._.' \ \______________________/ / 'sjw'._.'._.'._\ \____________________/ /'._.'._.'._.' ","-.______________.-"," "-._""--------""_.-" ""--------"" >NOAH In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain, where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord" begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit & I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system on the ark. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeals Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord: "the government beat me to it." --- ...*giggles* A Good One! Thank You Bob! I am Glad you reminded me of our modern day Noah's Ark! I checked out my page on it and found my links for a couple of the pictures were not up to date! I fixed it! Visit it here: JOHAN'S NOAH'S ARK! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark.html ======================================================================= >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) lady mame Miss Mary`s home pages-- http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/MYHOMEPAGE.HTML -<>- ,-. ,-. ||,\ -=- /,|| F'\\\,o8o,///`J J'J`,\(".")/,'F`L |F||\ \>PVPV-->30 Signs You're No Longer A Kid... 1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. 2. Your back goes out more than you do. 3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. .--. /-. \ < ^ `D/ \_ ( )_/;. _ __|_, \\ ,(_I_______)\ //`-----\ \ // \____/\ // / / // _____ / /\ \ .---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \ _____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \ / / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\ \\\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,,,,,,,, \\\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 5. You are proud of your lawn mower. 6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age... and it isn't breaking any laws. 7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 8. You sing along with the elevator music. 9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 10. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline. 11. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 12. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. 13. You make an appointment to see the dentist. 14. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 15. Neighbors borrow your tools. 16. People call at 9 o'clock in the evening and ask, "Did I wake you ?" 17. You have a dream about prunes. 18. You answer a question with, "Because I said so!" 19. You send money to PBS. 20. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 21. You take a metal detector to the beach. 22. You wear black socks with sandals. 23. You know what the word "equity" means. 24. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 25. Your ears are hairier than your head. 26. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. 27. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 28. You get cable television for the Weather Channel. 29. You can go bowling without drinking. 30. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: ,,, _ _ \(((. __,,../v\,----../ `-..=.>"" _\,_ _______;/____<_ \_______\ \___////______;______ ctr ,"/ `.) `.) ``` /," /7__ /7_ (( ' \\\ ))) \\ )) (( ) / >From LifeScript: Eccentric or Undiagnosed? All of us have moments when our personalities get us in hot water. We act impulsively, we’re too blunt, we can’t concentrate, or we talk too much. Most of us can shrug off such moments as part of a bad day, or we learn how to handle those situations better for the future. But for some of us, embarrassing or awkward personality traits are part of our everyday lives. However, such traits could actually be part of a treatable syndrome… Read More here: http://www.lifescript.com/HA/44229_4238409_9955_0.htm 7 Secrets to Revving Up Your Metabolism Is there anything you can do to jumpstart a sluggish metabolism? Absolutely! Your body may not be burning calories quickly due to poor eating habits and a sedentary lifestyle. Fortunately, you can provide the tools it needs to boost your metabolism back to normal. Use these tips to rev up your inner engine and unlock your true weight loss potential... click here to read more http://www.lifescript.com/HA/43037_4238409_9649_0.htm A Diabetic Dilemma Controlling your blood sugar is clearly the most important task of any diabetic. But a major study of people with type 2 diabetes suggests that, for some diabetics, over-controlling blood glucose may be a risky business. Does this affect you or someone you love? Read on to learn about the latest research and treatment. Plus, are you savvy about your sugar intake? Take our quiz and find out… click here to read more http://www.lifescript.com/HA/43033_4238409_9648_0.htm -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: _____ /_..._\ (0[###]0) `' `' -Lester AMC Poll: Norwegians drive aggressively A Norwegian insurance company said a poll suggests the country's drivers have little use for etiquette behind the wheel. Insurance company TrygVesta said its survey found nearly 60 percent of respondents in the western region of the country refuse to allow vehicles to pull in front of them, and that number becomes 39 percent nationwide, Aftenposten reported. The survey also found 6 percent of respondents refuse to stop at cross-walks -- even if there are pedestrians crossing the road -- and one-fifth of those polled said they often illegally park in handicapped parking spaces. City hires sheep to mow lawns Officials in Turin, Italy, said they have found a way to save money on landscaping at city parks -- theyv'e recruited two herds of sheep to eat the grass. The first of the two herds began feasting on the grass Thursday at Meisino Park and the second is scheduled to begin grazing Monday at Sangone Park, ANSA reported. City officials said the sheep, which were also employed to trim park lawns last year, are expected to save the city nearly $50,000 in lawn-mowing fees. ''I came here last year as well and it worked out really well. The city saved money and kept the park clean, while I saved money by not having to rent fields to graze my sheep,'' shepherd Federico Tombolato, who owns one of the herds, told ANSA. The sheep are scheduled to graze in city parks for two months. In 2007, the city began using sheep to trim city park lawns and attempted to use cattle at one park. However, the city concluded that using cattle was less practical due to the amount of waste they produce, ANSA said. _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| Shhhhh - Rocket Scientist at work jgs `-.....-A # # High school coach suspended for chewing A Massachusetts high school football coach has been given a two-day suspension for chewing tobacco on the job. Doug Chernovetz, coach of the Marblehead (Mass.) High School Magicians, admitted the infraction, the Boston Herald reported. The Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association bans tobacco use by coaches and players. "We think it's a valuable teaching lesson for all our kids that if you make a mistake, own up to it, pay your punishment and you'll get a second chance," said the Marblehead Athletic Director, Michael Plansky. A parent complained about the tobacco chewing to both the school and the MIAA. The suspension was decided on in December but didn't become public until it was reported this week in The Salem (Mass.) News. Chernovetz teaches at a Marblehead Middle School in addition to his coaching duties. -<>- >From BizarreNews: ___ ,, // \\ (_,\/ \_/ \ \ \_/_\_/> - Missing turtle found at construction site - /_/ /_/ FORT WORTH, Texas - A turtle that was missing for at least six months from a Fort Worth, Texas, museum appeared this week on a construction site, a curator at the museum said. The 15-pound, 5-year-old snapping turtle, Bob, was found in good health, despite his more slender physique, the Fort Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram reported. Bob was noticed to be missing Sept. 15, when the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History evacuated a building for renovations, said Leishawn Spotted Bear, assistant museum curator of science. Bob's old home, a pond outside the museum, has been torn down and the location for the new building has been completely unearthed two times, said Steve Anderson, director of public affairs for the museum. "He has somehow managed to survive under the earth. We don't know why he emerged today, perhaps because of the recent rain," Anderson told the newspaper. The remodeled museum is set to open in fall 2009. -- Tycoon dressed as gladiator hit with DUI --------- LONDON - A drunken British clothing tycoon faces possible jail time after crashing his Mercedes into a tree and fleeing the scene, police said. William Bianchi, 38, wasn't hard to find. He was dressed as a Roman gladiator with black body paint and singed hair from his burning car, police said. A police officer said he looked like Wyle E. Coyote of the Road Runner cartoons -- who often had plans to do in the Road Runner blow up in his face. Bianchi had been attending his daughter's fancy dress party. Police found him at a London hospital, chatting with a friend dressed as Superman. He was found guilty of drunken driving and several other charges and will be sentenced April 16. (__) ) (..) /|\ Did He Say He (o_o) / | \ Wants A Fire Water ___) \/,-|,-\ Budy? //,-/_\ ) ' ' (//,-'\ ( ( . \_ gnv `._\(___`. '---' _)/ `-' -- Wanted: Drinking buddy, $14 an hour ----------- WINSOR, England - An 88-year-old man is offering $14 an hour for an unusual twice-a-week job -- drinking buddy at a Winsor, England, pub. Jack Hammond, 88, said he recently moved to Forest Edge Care Home in the town of Cadnam to be closer to his family, but the relocation put several miles between him and his former drinking buddy, The Times of London reported Thursday. "It was a bit upsetting when I had to leave as I left all my friends back home," he said. Hammond's son, Mike, said social services gave him the idea to offer a paid position after it was unable to find him a suitable companion for trips to the Compass Inn. The elderly man said he seeking someone to accompany him to the bar at least twice a week. He said he is looking for someone who is "not too bombastic and enjoys a nice pint." Mike Hammond said four men have applied for the position thus far. He said being paid to drink beer and chat with his father is "a very attractive proposition." "It's got to be the best job in the world," he said. ============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain. A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station. The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place." The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being stupid." <><><><> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" " "No," he replied, "arthritis" <><><><> ,) ,`/ |\ / `/ | (,_,/ / `___, \ I'm Crazy For You! \ \ / , \ /, \ \ \` `.`. \ \ \,`, ejm -`-' -' "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war." <><><><> . . . ' s \ ' . . . : , a ` c - i . b \ _ ' . i o O . - }{' o . . O - . ` ` \ ,.--------------------------,, |%`````````````````````````` | |%. | |%% _ _ | +%%.( ) ( ) .+',gg. ``-f t--------------f tgi$b.d%%%,. `-{___} `-{___}%%%%%%%%%%) ,gg. (%%%%%%%%%%; (%%%%g. `"?%%%%?' ,gg$f )%%%%%) ko1. """" Krzysztof Biolik ?$?' `??" `?f' BATHTUB TEST It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." OK, here's your test: (Those with an abnormal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.) 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon." "No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug." So how did you do? -<>- o-o ( ) /`-'\ :'}#{': } \! !/ { fsc `-' `-' The Frog An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her. He whispered , "IM LONELY TOO, BUY ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY." The old lady figured--WHAT THE HECK, she hadn't found anything else. She bought the frog and put him in the car. Driving down the road the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY." So the old lady figured WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog. IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous sexy young handsome prince. THE PRINCE THEN KISSED THE OLD LADY BACK.......... AND GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO? COME ON GUESS? OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON ______________________________________________________ | -- = .. = -- = .. = -- = .. = -- = .. = -- | | == .' '. == .' '. == .' '. == .' '. == | |`-==-` `-==-` `-==-` `-==-` `-==-`| | ** ** ** ** | | ** ** ** ** ** | | ** ** ** ** | | ** _ ** _____ _____ _ ** ** | | ** / \ _) ( ) (_**/ \ ** | | ** /___\) (__) (/___\** ** | | ** |) _____ _____ (| ** | | ** _)| (_____)(_____) |(_** ** | |lc_______)__|____%%%%%%%%%%%%%%____|__(_______________| _|_ %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% _|_ ' %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% /zzzzzzzz%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%zzzzzzzzz\ /zzzzzzzz/||||||||||||||||||||||\zzzzzzzzz\ /zzzzzzzzz||||||||||||||||||||||||zzzzzzzzzz\ /zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz\ /zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz\ /zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz\ SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST MOTEL SHE COULD FIND. The Gal is Old.......NOT DEAD!!!!! ===================================================================== >--.From The Mouth: ,-)). ____ (@ oo) | |`-. ) -u' | |[[ ] /_`-3-3 ___ |__|,-" Child's Play (_(_8 ),--""")___)_>__<_ o!O Proverbs A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with: Better to be safe than....punch a 5th grader. Strike while the....bug is close. It's always darkest before....daylight savings time. Never underestimate the power of....termites. You can lead a horse to water but....how? Don't bite the hand that....looks dirty. No news is....impossible. A miss is as good as a....Mr. You can't teach an old dog....math. If you lie down with dogs, you....will stink in the morning. Love all, trust....me. The pen is mightier than....the pigs. An idle mind is....the best way to relax. Where there is smoke, there's....pollution. Happy is the bride who....gets all the presents. A penny saved is....not much. Two is company, three's....The Musketeers. None are so blind as....Helen Keller. Children should be seen and not....spanked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed....get new batteries. You get out of something what you....see pictured on the box. When the blind lead the blind....get out of the way. There is no fool like....Aunt Edie. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and....you have to blow your nose. ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: My little niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in this case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, "God will get you." -<>- "That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex- boyfriend." "I know, but I don't hold any grudges." "I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her." "Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double." "Wow! Is that true?" "I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age." When Little Johnny's family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked him how he liked the new place. "It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Billy has his own room, and Jenny has her own room. But poor Mom is still in with Dad." -<>- A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?" "I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry." "But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?" "Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it." "But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?" "Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away." "Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?" "Of course not! He's left-handed!" -<>- My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered. Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot!" -<>- `, ___ # /_,/\ |/ ? /" ( | , )\ .Y___ / /__/\ \____ \(__ ,- / \_/ \ / (\ |/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----' '-' |\/ b'ger A piece of string walks into a bar, and the bartender says to him, "Hey buddy! We don't serve pieces of string here! Can't you read the sign?" And he kicks the piece of string out of the bar. So the string is outside the bar, and decides to create a disguise for himself to get inside. He ties his head in a __ _ _.-"< } ""--"" 7 ( ) ( / / / ______/___ sexii knot, and brushes out the end on top and walks confidently back into the bar and sits down. The bartender walks up to him handing him a drink, and looking suspiciously at him, says "Hey... weren't you that piece of string I kicked out of here just a little while ago?" The piece of string replies, "No, I'm afraid knot!" ================================================================== ?--?From JokeCentral: .................................................. : ...... : : .:||||||||:. : : / \ : : ( o o ) : :-------@@@@----------: :----------@@@@---------: : `--' : : The 2006 Darwin Award Winners : : : : K I L R O Y S A Y S H I ! : :................................................: WINNER 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... HONORABLE MENTIONS 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. She called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That is the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated and furious, walked away. CONSOLATION PRIZE 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up and vomiting, on the ground next to the vehicle. A police spokesman said that the man admitted trying to steal gasoline. He had plugged his siphon hose into what he thought was the gas tank, and began sucking to create a vacuum before transferring it to his car. Only problem was, he'd put the hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. ====================================================================== >-->Signs Found In Kitchens \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ 1. Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it! 2. Martha Stewart doesn't live here! 3. I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too! 4. So this isn't Home Sweet Home... Adjust! 5. Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself! 6. I clean house every other day.... Today is the other day! 7. If you write in the dust, please don't date it! 8. I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener! 9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! 10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life. 11. COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! 12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. 13. If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your standards. 14. You may touch the dust in this house...but please don't write in it! 15. Apology...Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse. 16. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious. 17. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap. 18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 20. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. 21. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. 22. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out. 23. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives. 24. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines. ================================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >From The MouthPiece: TOP MOVIE QUOTES http://www.afi.com/tvevents/100years/quotes.aspx LABORATORY OF DALE PURVES http://www.purveslab.net/ WORLD MYSTERIES http://www.world-mysteries.com/ THE T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. PROJECT http://www.twinkiesproject.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn Links Judy w/ Beauty Of A Child http://frommyheart2u.com/misc/beautyofachild Carolyn with/ Your'e Sixteen http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/youresixteen.html Last Days http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/LASTDAYSPROPHECY.HTML One Texas Morning http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fawn.html Animal World Doggie Zone http://www.flickr.com/groups/sillysaturday/pool/ Kitty Korner http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyJDeF2RHMw&NR=1 Cat Herding http://buffalosjokes.com/20001.htm Asian Crocodile Hunter http://www.buffalosjokes.com/032924.htm The Bright Side http://www.buffalosjokes.com/032925.htm Thieves http://www.buffalosjokes.com/032926.htm Top Model http://www.buffalosjokes.com/032927.htm To subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com ========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers:] "Barack Obama said today that he would consider Al Gore to be in his Cabinet. Al Gore said he would do it as long as it was full of Twinkies." -Craig Ferguson "Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer classifications: teeth or no teeth." --Conan O'Brien "The music industry is stumped by the huge drop in sales of rap music. Sales of rap music down 21 percent this past year. A lot of rappers have had to cut back on their lifestyle. A lot of rappers getting rid of the gold teeth. They're going with aluminum siding...it's cheaper." -Jay Leno "According to a new poll, Americans said they waste two hours a day at work. Or as the Dodgers call that - a game." --Jay Leno "According to a new study by the National Geographic 11% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 24 could not find the United States on the map of the world. You know the only place where everyone could find the United States on a map of the world? Mexico." --Jay Leno "How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?" - Charles De Gaulle "Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn "If little else, the brain is an educational toy." - Tom Robbins >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************