Early 00's Vocabulary And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Lately I noticed the Bible Study pages had characters that were not displayed properly. I went through all our teachings and got that fixed along with getting them fine tuned so the search engines could more easily find them. Here is a complete Index of all our Bible Study Pages: Bible Study Menu http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/BibleStudy.html -<>- >HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This scorcher comes from our friend PatDeE. A wonderful owl photography collection sure to bring to bring you some ooos and awws. Check It Out Here: ) _ \ ) (_) _ () \ .-'` \ ) {_} () .-'````'-. / ) \ / `'-. ___ /.------. \| \ () \ .-'`___`;/ __ `\ | __ () | .'.-'` __'.| o/__\o |/ / /| \/ / o /__\o\ \\// /; // / ._ \_| \\//|`-.__.-'|\ '; / / \ .' \-.___.'| || |/ \/ `._ '-/ | || '.___./ . '-.\_.-' __'-._||_.-' _ / .`""===(||).___.(||)(||)----'(||)===...__ `"jgs"`""=====""""========"""====...__ `""==._ `"=. `"=. `"=. Owl Lovers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owllovers.html --- ...Paul's Mom is the super owl lover in our family! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Personality Test A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test. .-'''''-. "How does this glass of water look to you?" |'-----'| Person 1: It is half empty |-.....-| Student writes 'pessimist' in his report. |::. | |::. | Person 2 enters the room. |:::. | |::::. | "How does this glass of water look to you?" |::::::.| Person 2: It is half full. jgs `'-----'` Student writes 'optimist' in his report Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there. The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor. "Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 9 is ational Pastry Day December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day December 13 is Ice Cream and Violins Day December 14 is National Bouillabaisse Day December 15 is National Lemon Cupcake Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _, .-"``'. _..-"`` \ / \ _.-" | \ /|\ \ .--...-' | '-' | | | \ :: | | | | | :: | / / | | :: | / / \ / .: | / / . '._ _.' .: | / / :: ``--`` .: / ; ;| :: .: / | | \ ':. S M I L E S ' / | | `. ':. .' | | _'. ': .' | | /` `\`-._ ____ ____ __,-;` ; ; \_/\ \.-'```'-._`""`_.-'```'-._\ \ __ \ \ / _.-'`'-._ '..' _.-'`'-. '. \ / `\ \ \ / .' '. .' /`\_) . \ \__ \ \ <.____________> <_____\____/_> '.__) | jgs '._ / `""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""` >Classified Ad ... from the local newspaper ... 2012 Suzuki GSXR 1000, $9,000 This bike is perfect! It has only 1,000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call Steve. 555-1212 -<>- >Concept is Lost... My friend, a busy mother of five boys, frequently did her own maintenance jobs on her house. One day, after hours on a ladder painting the upper windows, she complained to her husband that she'd felt dizzy. For her next birthday she received some scaffolding. -<>- >For Sale A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, 'HORSE for sale.'" -<>- >Get Well Quick A little boy sent a "get well quick" card to his grandfather in the hospital. Inside the card he wrote: Dear Grandpa, Mama tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests. I hope you get an "A"! Love, Billy -<>- -->From Our Friend Fran :) _ ,;;{ }.._, TIPS _,;;;;;{ } a j-,_ {}`"""';{_}``};_ __/ `/( `'--.._,_ /, `'---;--'-;` / /'. _,\ | | )-'` _} |-\ {_,,;;;;\ `" \;;;;;;\ /;;/\;-'`} {___}',-"`\ .-"\ / | `-. \.__.-" / - . | / _..-`""` _,`~ ~- `~, -~ ^`- ~^ jgs `~ _/;-"" , = -~ ~- ^ ` ` ~^ ` ~-"` =~ =~ =~^ ~^ - ~ ~^- ~ `^ - ` -. ` ^ - ^- `~,_ ,`==,_ _,~``'` ~, ,=. ^ ~^ - ~ - ~- ` ~ "~ ~ =~^ `~ ` `,_ , ` ~-^ ` ~^ ~^ -~^ ^~ -~^ -~ `^ ~~ -~ >Tips: When you send Christmas cards this year, send a card or two to A Recovering Soldier, c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center, 6900 Georgia Ave., NW Washington, D.C. 20307-5001 --- ...Awesome tip! Thanks Fran! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) .-""""""""""-. / `\ / .--.---.-.-.--.-;. ; { ' . ' . ' . '} | {__'_,__.__'__.__'_} | / _ _ \ | ; / \ / \ ; | | |0| |0| | \ | \_/ \_/ | .-'\; \ / ; |. ' \ '. .' / \ ` / '. '-.__.-' .' '--' '-._ _.-' jgs '''' >SMILES An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old fart dig. I had him buried upside down. -------- Have you ever wondered why baby diapers have brand names like "Luvs" and "Huggies", while undergarments for old people are called "Depends"? When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em. When old people poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will. -------- More proof that we do all sorts of things that we have no idea why we do: A young couple got married. When the wife prepared to bake a ham to celebrate their first Thanksgiving, she carefully cut off each end before placing it in the pan. Her husband asked her why she did that and she replied, "I don't know - it's what my mother always did. But I can ask her." She called Mom, who responded, "I always saw your Grandma do it, so I did the same." They decided to check further, so the young woman called Grandma, who explained, "Well, you see, in those days we didn't have much money and I only had a small pan. It was the only way I could get it to fit." -------- My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does." -------- Jack Benny and George Burns became friends when both were young performers working their way up through the vaudeville circuit, and they remained friends until Benny died. One day, they were lunching at a Hollywood restaurant, and Benny was wrestling with the problem of whether or not to butter his bread. "I like butter on my bread," he said. "But my diet strictly forbids butter. Maybe I should call Mary and ask her what to do." "Jack," Burns said, "don't be ridiculous. You're a grown man. You should be able to decide, without your wife's help, whether or not to butter your own bread." "You're right," Benny said. "I'll just have the butter, that's all." When the waiter arrived with the check, Burns pointed to Benny and said, "He's paying." "What?" Benny said. "Why should I have to pay the whole bill?" "Because if you don't," Burns said, "I'll tell Mary about the butter! --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- [Politics] ____ ;` `'-._ / \ /\ /` \ | ; / \ | | / `\ | | / \_ / | ; / `\ | ,|_ __ \__/ | _\_o/_( |_ /`"=/\==""=="=="=="=="`\ | )/ | \ / /';=""==""==""==""==";`\ | /` /~\ /~\ `\ | | \ _ \o/ \o/ _ / | \ ; (_) __ (_) ; / HO! HO! HO! / |\_.-""(__)""-._/| \ | \ /\ / | / '.___.'__'.___.' \ | \/ | | | \ / jgs | | \ / '. .' '-.__ __.-' '---'--'---' >Your First Christmas Card I love Christmas lights! They remind me of the people who voted for Obama. They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't all that bright! --- ...Oh My! TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA! You gotta realize that Obama is the smooth talker - he fooled people into believing his lies and deceptions all so he could 'change' the US into what he felt would be a better country. He was sincere in his speeches but like my old Bible teacher taught us - sincerity is no guarantee for truth. People who voted for him were deceived and those who still believe him, are in denial and don't want to admit he wasn't who they thought he was or are living their life and not into studying politics so they can use Godly wisdom and vote for who and what is actually best for our country. =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _____________,--, | | | | | | |/ .-.\ HANG IN THERE! |_|_|_|_|_|_/ / `. |_|__|__|_; | \ |___|__|_/| | .'`} |_|__|__/ | | .'.'`\ |__|__|/ ; ; / / \.-"-. ||__|_; \ \ || /`___. \ |_|___/\ /;.`,\\ {_'___.;{} |__|_/ `;`__|`-.;| |C` e e`\ |___`L \__|__|__| | `'-o-' } ||___|\__)___|__||__|\ ^ /`\ |__|__|__|__|__|_{___}'.__.`\_.'} ||___|__|__|__|__;\_)-'`\ {_.-; |__|__|__|__|__|/` (`\__/ '-' |_|___|__|__/` | -jgs---|__|___|__/` \------------------- -.__.-.|___|___;` |.__.-.__.-.__.-.__ | | || | | | | -' '---' '---' \ /-' '---' '---' '-- | | '. .' | | | | '---' '---' '---' `-===-'`--' '---' '---' '---' | | | | | | | | -' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '-- | | | | | | | | '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' '---' >SMILES A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they were both pathological liars. ---- The day of my mammogram, I chose a seat next to a man and his wife in the waiting room. Both the chairs and conversations were so comfortable that before long, I'd totally forgotten why I was there and asked the man, "So...what are you here for?" Talk about a showstopper. Dead silence just as Nurse "Ratchet" announced my name in her best baritone voice. I arose from my seat and hurried after the angel of no mercy. Rounding the corner, I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Allll I need you to do is step into this room right heeeeere, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?" (I'm thinking, Belinda...try decaf. This isn't rocket science.) Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy,but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice...it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" "Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity when we heard, then felt, zap! Complete darkness. "What?" I yelled. "Oh, maintenance is working on something. Bet they hit a snag," Belinda said as she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy....the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk." Before I could shout "NO" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and parts of me dangling from the Jaws of Life. After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes...yes we did, thanks." "You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps... ------- Joyce, an RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resumè to each one. Two weeks later, Joyce was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resumè was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe. I plan to try it real soon." ------- His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar. To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill." ------- This young woman brought her child into Children's Hospital for a routine checkup. On the records, the nurse saw that the child's first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). Not wanting to be rude, but wanting to know why this woman would name her child this, the nurse asked her how Urine got her name. The woman explained, "Well, my baby was born premature and had to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they didn't know if she would make it. I couldn't decide what to name her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One day I came in and the nurses had already named her. There was this paper on her incubator that said 'Please save Urine,' so I knew that they had named my baby." ------- The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven," she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!" ------- A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747. A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?" Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up." ------- The ninety five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry - "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went and why." --- ...LOL!! Thanks Geniann! A Good reason why we all have to wait for Christ's Return! See this teaching: THE 'SLEEP' METAPHOR http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/sleepmetaphor.html =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) __ .' '-. / '. / \ / \ | / | | / \ ( / '. )'. .'```--'`'-.__.-" / `\ / | | | '. / ) )_.' \ /'--""-...-'-.__/ '-/ , \ ;_ )`-. .( \ ."`` ` | `\ / | ; ; \ _| | _| '-. | '.(_/ \(_/ \ | __ | ; `'.__.- (._.) ._. / \ \ ) | /` NO DOGS ALLOWED! `'. '. ( / ; '. `'-'-._` _.' / `. '-' / |`-. _.' _| `. '--;` jgs_.-""` `"=. .-._| / ` `-""-. \ ) `;-.__.--._ ._ .' / `""` `--`\ / \ A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school. However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a teacher noticed and shooed him outside, closing the door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors. Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said, 'Don't feel bad fella'...they won't let ME in either'. --- ...HaHa! Shame though. Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Sometimes an owner's manual is not enough. Oregon State Police say that's what a 58-year-old man learned when he tried to drive a 50-ton battle tank up a steep grade near the coastal town of Gold Beach. The Oregonian reports that the 1969 Chieftain had been purchased by a local resident, but a truck driver trans- porting the tank was unable to climb the grade. So he unloaded it at a turnout along U.S. Highway 101. The owner's caretaker, Jeffrey Glossop of Pistol River, decided he could get the tank up the hill. State Police Lt. Gregg Hastings notes that Glossop had the operator's manual. But Hastings says the tank slipped out of gear and rolled back down across the busy highway, crashing through a guard- rail. Glossop gave it another try, and the tank it rolled backward again through another guardrail and down an embankment. Glossop was cited for reckless driving and first-degree criminal mischief. Hastings says the tank is fine. -<>- While in New Jersey you have the lesbian waitress who claimed she received an anti-gay message scrawled on a receipt instead of a tip (and has since been suspended from work while her boss tries to figure out exactly how full of shit she is), in other parts of the country a mystery tipper has been leaving tips ranging from $500 to $10,000 at random bars and restaurants. The philanthropic spree struck recently in South Bend, Indiana where a customer scrawled "Fight on" on his receipt at Legends of Notre Dame after paying the tab and tacking on a $5,000 tip. "We were all looking at this like, is this a joke?" said Ashley Rust, a former bartender at Legends. But later that night, after the football game, the man and his friends returned to Legends, rang up another bill and added another $5,000 tip. Apparently this kind of thing has been going on for months. No one is even sure whether the tipper is one person or several different people. The only thing that seems to be consistent is that the tipper(s) leave @tipsforjesus on the receipts. The exploits have been chronicled on the photo-sharing application Instagram. Monster tips with the tell-tale moniker have showed up in at least 15 different bars and restaurants in Utah, Chicago, San Francisco and Hollywood. Jared Allen, owner of the downtown Ogden bar Alleged, where servers received a $1,000 tip, said his staff described the tipper as a stylish younger man who came in with a couple of friends and paid with a black American Express card. Whoever he is he's probably having a hell of a lot of fun. *-- Man arrested in Florida for allegedly swindling 2 women out of $85,700 --* HALLANDALE, Fla. - Police in Florida say they have arrested a man who allegedly swindled two women out of $85,700 for bogus "faith healing" services. The man -- booked into jail as Joe Alvarez, 32, although police are unsure of his real name -- allegedly told the women he would perform rituals and sacrifices to expel bad luck and cleanse them of harmful spiritual impurities, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported. "I was very upset for being so naive and gullible," Evelyn Taveras, 36, of Hallandale Beach, said Wednesday. "I felt like, 'What an idiot. How could you fall for this?' It was very demoralizing." Taveras said she met Alvarez Feb. 6 at the Aventura Mall in Hallandale, where he told her she had a "beautiful aura." "It's just the way he came across, very humble, understanding, just a very familiar feeling," Taveras said. "Recently I had been becoming more religious and spiritual with energy work, positive thinking and auras... and it struck me as odd that he could see that." Alvarez told Taveras his name was "Dorian" and offered "to align her chakras and prevent bad things from happening to her," a police report said. He sold her three crystals for $5,200 each, saying they "were essential for her to maintain a good aura," the report said. The suspect is also accused of stealing $39,000 in cash and some jewelry from Taveras for a total loss of $48,700, the police report said. The second alleged victim, Cassandre Soray, 36, of Miami Shores, met Alvarez in December 2012, also at the mall. He allegedly convinced her to pay him $37,000 "to cleanse the impurities from her," a police report said. "The defendant in this case has used multiple identities, dates of birth and Social Security numbers," police reports said. "The defendant has no known state photo identification, and his true name has not been confirmed." The suspect is being held at a Pompano Beach jail on $16,000 bond. *-- Toughest tongue twister touted by MIT researchers --* BOSTON - Professional announcers and linguists may not agree but MIT researchers say "pad kid poured curd pulled cod" is among the toughest tongue twisters around. The phrase - which must be repeated 10 times as fast as possible - is designed to trigger speech errors, its creators told Boston Daily. "If anyone can say this 10 times quickly, they get a prize," said Massachusetts Institute of Technology psychologist Stefanie Shattuck- Hufnagel, who helped come up with the repetitive verbal challenge. She and her colleagues presented their research on misspoken sounds Thursday at the Acoustical Society of America meeting in San Francisco. Their research indicates there are two types of combinations of alternating words: simple lists and full sentences of same sounds that are inverted. Verbal slip-ups occur more frequently on strings of similar sounding words. That's how they came up with the phrase "pad kid poured curd pulled cod." Say that 10 times, fast. *-- Police: Son attacked dad during mac and cheese argument --* SPARTANBURG, S.C. - Authorities in South Carolina said they arrested a 20-year-old man accused of assaulting his father during an argument about macaroni and cheese. The Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office said Brian Rossi, 54, told deputies the incident began Sunday when he was "trying to make some macaroni and cheese for dinner" and he "discovered that there was only pasta and no more cheese packets" left in the package. The sheriff's office report said Rossi told his son, Alex, 20, to "stop using all of the cheese packets" and the two men then engaged in an argument. Alex allegedly "ran after" his father during the argument "and began to punch him in the face and head," deputies wrote. The son "eventually took Brian to the ground and continued to hit him," the report said. Deputies said "Brian had a fresh laceration beneath his left eye with bruising and swelling" when they arrived at the home and Alex confirmed he and his father "were arguing over macaroni and cheese." The report said Alex told deputies he "did punch Brian in the face, but that Brian also punched him in the face." Alex Rossi, who had no visible injuries, was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and battery. He was jailed in lieu of $1,097 bond. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _..--""""--...___ .---, ,' \ `'--.___ / / /`\ \ ``''--:'`--' ( ,'. '. _____..--''` )__/`-'._;__ .-'` _/ e /.-| / \ _/ | |_, ( \ / \______\__\_.-'////// SMILES! |||||||||}////////;._ __/\ _..----''```` \_ / /. ( / | `'._---:./ '. '---\_;-...______. '. |_, \ ===--- / .` '-' / _.' ===--- /___.._ _..-'`\ / /`' \ '--.______ \ / / \ \ \#\ | | '---------'-. \#\ ---jgs----------| /----------------------\_\-\----------------- |__| ._\ __.' | /______| ..::::::::::::::::::::::::::.. (___#__#____ .::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::' '':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::' The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them. -<>- We were taking six children on a camping trip. I drove the lead car with our gear, and my husband followed in the station wagon. At a tollbooth, I realized that we hadn't divided the cash supply, and my husband didn't have any money. I paid a double toll, explaining to the woman attendant, "I'm paying for the car behind me. He has all those children and no money." Without cracking a smile, she replied, "Good! Keep him that way." -<>- Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr, Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology". The town fathers were not too happy with the sign and they proposed "Hysterias and Posteriors". The Doctors didn't like that idea, and suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". The town didn't like that one either and countered with "Catatonics and High Colonics". Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers and suggestions began rolling in: "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives." "Minds and Behinds". "Freaks and Cheeks" "Loons and Moons". None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on "Dr Smith & Dr Jones, Odds & Ends" -<>- Two American women stopping at the Hotel in Lisbon wanted another chair in their room. The steward who answered their ring could not understand English. One of the women pointed to the only chair in the room, then tried pantomime, seating herself in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the steward bowed and motioned for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stopped, smiled, and bowed again, and pointed triumphantly to the door of the Ladies Room. -<>- A customer called our airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. My co-worker asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card?" The customer replied, "V-I-S-A." -<>- The minister had just finished an excellent chicken dinner at the home of a member of his congregation. Sitting on the porch after dinner he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster you have there," the minister commented. "Yes sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud, one of his sons just entered the ministry!" -<>- John was tasked with bringing the Christmas decorations up from the basement and start decorating the house and tree. During one trek up the stairs, heavily laden with boxes, he slipped and luckily only fell about two steps before landing square on his behind. His wife heard the noise and yelled, "What was that thump?" "I just fell down the stairs," he explained. She rushed into the room, "Anything broken?!" "No, no, I'm fine." There was just a slight pause before his loving wife said, "No, I meant my decorations? Are any of them broken?" -<>- Do Re Mi Beer - by Homer J. Simpson DOUGH... The stuff that buys me beer. RAY... The guy that sells me beer. ME... The guy who drinks the beer FAR... The distance to my beer. SO... I think I'll have a beer. LA... La la la la la la beer. TEA... No thanks, I'm drinking beer. That will bring us back to... (Looks into an empty glass) DOH! -<>- A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked. "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand." the girl answered. "Well, those are nice names" the guy replied. "It would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!" ========================================================= >-->Early 00's Vocabulary .-. .;;\ | /::::\|\ /::::'(); |::::' | |\/`\:_/`\/| ,__ |0_..().._0| __, \,`////""""\\\\`,/ | )//_ o o _\\( | \/|(_) () (_)|\/ \ '--' / _:.______.;_ /| | /`\/`\ | |\ / | | \_/\_/ | | \ / |o`""""""""`o| \ `.__/ () \__.' / / \ \ | | ___ () ___ | | / \|---| |---|/ \ | (| | () | |) | \ /;---' '---;\ / `` \ ___ /\ ___ / `` `| | | |` | | | | | =| |= | jgs | | | | _._ |\|\/||\/|/| _._ / .-\ |~~~~||~~~~| /-. \ | \__.' || '.__/ | \ || / `---------''---------` SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has become useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. Example: "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists." TREEWARE: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. CHIPS AND SALSA - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. i.e.: "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa." DEINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice mail of a Vice President at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of a deinstalled vice president. Dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key. Sometimes referred to as the "THREE-FINGERED SALUTE." CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. ======================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) When Was Jesus Born? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/whenjesusborn.html Angels, Churches, Crosses, Doves Animations http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Christmas Animations: Santa, Snow, Snowman http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html Christmas Animations under XMAS: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html Amazing Grace Light Show http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/amazinggrace.html Who Is This Jesus? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Angels Are Watching http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html Christ's Bell http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bell.html Puppy Days Of Christmas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppychristmas.html Disney Christmas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas.html Christmas With Pets http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmaspets.html In Days Past http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html Where's The Line To See Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html Just Have Faith http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/faith.html Relics From The Past http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html Top Ways To Stay Healthy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stayhealthy.html SNOW FUN! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowfun.html ICE SCULPTURE ART 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ices2.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Do You like the Oldies? You have to love this one. save it in a file so you can go back to it. Music Videos from the 50s & Early 60s http://www.1959bhsmustangs.com/VideoJukebox.htm Awesome video recorded by a camera being pulled behind a fishing boat with a rig of shark-bait. The video was not sped up - the boat and the shark changed speed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DND717lnFLQ&feature=player_embedded A dog and a wild fox have been best friends for a long time, enjoying nature and the company of each other. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdzT3dWwuTw&feature=player_embedded Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for this mouse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4fUmW0R2_iw Backstage before the show, Jimmy Fallon, Mariah Carey, and The Roots grabbed some instruments you'd find in an elementary school classroom to sing the holiday classic "All I Want For Christmas Is You." https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sWEfszb9h8Q --- ...Such a delight! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Check out Xmas Gullibility Test http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/tests/xmasquiz/christmas.html --- ...Thanks Melody! Hmmm - I got 9 our of 12 - Not sure if that is good or bad. -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) I Will Follow Him http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FcLF5wopyjo --- ...so sweet! Thanks Geniann! Morgan Freeman & Betty Whit This is a keeper.....makes one smile broadly. Worth the few minutes to lift the spirit! Betty White & Morgan Freeman. They don't make 'em like this anymore... If you don't do anything else today -- Watch This! Betty White is 90+ years old. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=b4S7T05zTqY --- ...LMAO! So fun! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I worked as a receptionist for a while, but I couldn't get the hang of it. I kept answering the phone by saying, 'Hello, can you help me?'" -Caroline Rhea "I wasn't being entertained for over twenty minutes yesterday and I started to suffer withdrawal. I didn't have a TV, no book to read, no music playing, no video games, nothing. I got scared and wondered, 'Would I ever be entertained again?' I was just about to feel an emotion - yes, an emotion in- spired by real life, and in the nick of time I made it to a cereal box and read the ingredients. Thank you, God!" -Bob Odenkirk "What is causing this traffic congestion? According to a report from the U.S. Department of Transportation, which recently completed a six-year, $187.3 million study of the problem, the root cause is, quote, 'a whole lot of people driving.'" --Dave Barry "When you're in a committed relationship and spend all of your time with one person, that's called being magnanimous." --Clean Laffs Joe "Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home." --Bill Cosby "My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping." --Rita Rudner "Surprisingly, my boss refuses to accept 'the early bird catches the worm' as a valid excuse for leaving work every day at 2:00 PM." --Michael Hayward >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************