Early Thanksgiving Smiles... :) Shangy!
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*~* For Those Celebrating An Early Thanksgiving...
Many will have early Thanksgiving Celebrations so here we have
some Great Thanks Living Bible Teachings From our friends at
www.TruthOrTradition.com:
1 of 2 Thanks: The Joy of Thanksgiving
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lifogbJpowo
2 of 2 Thanks: The Benefits of Thanks Living
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRJVZ3wN2FU
A Key to Being Thankful: You Can Never Go Back,
Don't Live in the Past, Be Present Minded
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJt78NfS69E
---
...I Thank God For ALL Of You! Blessings My Sweet Friends! :)
-<>-
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This red hot new page is from our friend Linda. It is either
one that will tickle your funny bone or give you some new
ideas for your holiday parties. Be sure to give it a moment
and check it out here...
.========.
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/ .--'` | [LI] | `'--. \
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jgs '-.__ __.-'
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Extreme Haircuts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/haircuts.html
---
...TeeHee! Crazy! Thanks Linda!
Our next sizzling hot new page is from our friend KarenF.
One thing I admire is ornate architecture and this temple
sure does fit that description. I don't especially care for
the religious aspects of this, but the intricate craftsmanship
of it intrigues and amazes me. Certainly a place to want to
see up close and personal! Be sure to check this and the
video of it out here...
BAPS Mandir Chino Hills!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mandirchinohills.html
---
...The place is astounding! Thank You KarenF!
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/ | / | \ ______________________
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|____[__]___|\ \_/\ | Brother, let's talk! |
| | \/ | \__ __________________/
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>-->From SmileZilla:
The Collins family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away
from the North Dakota border. For generations, their land had been
the subject of a minor dispute between Canada and the United States.
Mrs. Collins, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived
on the farm with her son and two grandchildren.
One day, her son rushed into her room with a letter in his hand.
"Mom, I have some news," he said. "The government has come to an
agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our
land is really part of the United States. We have the right to
approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother replied. "Jump at it! Call them
immediately and tell them we accept. I don't think I could stand
another one of those Canadian winters!"
-<>-
During a training session at an artillery unit the sergeant-major
was busy describing how the sophisticated aiming device of the
artillery weapon system is used:
"As you all know, there are 180 degrees in a circle."
One of the soldiers put up his hand and said: "But there are 360
degrees in a circle, sergeant-major."
"You idiot," replied the sergeant-major, "I am obviously speaking
about a small circle!"
-<>-
A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a blonde
woman holding a bottle while jumping up and down in the parking lot.
The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman,
"What's the matter?"
She replies, "I didn't notice until after I took the medicine that
it said, 'Shake Well'."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
November 25 is National Parfait Day
November 26 is Shopping Reminder Day
November 27 is National Tie One On Day and Pins and Needles Day
November 28 is French Toast Day, Make Your Own Head Day, Red Planet
Day and Thanksgiving - Eat, drink, and be thankful
November 29 is Black Friday, Buy Nothing Day, Square Dance Day
and You're Welcome Day - the day after Thanksgiving
November 30 is Stay At Home Because You Are Well Day
December 1 is Eat a Red Apple Day and World Aids Awareness Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
,
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`. \\\:\:/:/o_),
jgs `->>>8888>;(_)o.-'
>Fore!
My 5-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's golf game.
"You have to count my strokes," my brother told him. "How much is
six plus nine plus eight?"
"Five." answered the nephew.
"Okay," my brother said, "let's go."
-<>-
>Senior Citizen Interview
My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about
his or her life, so she asked me many questions about my life. She
asked about cars, wars, etc.
Then she asked, "What was the biggest historical event that happened
during your childhood?"
"I'd have to say the moon walk," I replied.
She looked disappointed. "That dance was important to you? I would
have thought you'd be too old to dance by the time that came out!"
-<>-
>Doorbells
I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter as she sold cookies
door-to-door for the Girl Scouts.
After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles
of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of
guessing what the next bell would sound like.
At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the
church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of
amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"
-<>-
>No More Boys
When Donna found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to
anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of his
parents' private conversations. One day when Donna and her
4-year-old were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was
excited about the new baby.
"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it,
too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's
another boy we're going to call it quits!"
-<>-
>Not Likely.....
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to
some questions the teacher was asking.
"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be
seen by the opposite gender?"
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned
and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'"
=========================================================
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jgs _YY_ _[|]_ /_____\ _[|]_ \| |/ |/
""""""""'""'""'"""""'""""'""'"""'"""""''"'"""^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>-->Happy Thanksgiving Day Jokes And SMILES :)
Josh: Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field
on Thanksgiving Day?
Phil: Why?
Josh: He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.
Biff: Why did the turkey cross the road?
Bob: I don’t know.
Biff: It was Thanksgiving Day, and he wanted people to think he was
a chicken!
Charles: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Mary: I haven’t a clue.
Charles: Peach gobbler!
Tom Swiftie: “May I say the prayer before Thanksgiving dinner?”
Tom asked gracefully.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store
for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her
family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
“No, ma’am. They’re dead
Danny: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Jake: Beats me.
Danny: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Billy: Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
Joe: Beats me.
Billy: Because they wear their belt buckles on their hats!
Caleb: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
Caitlyn: What?
Caleb: A turkey.
Alex: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
Adam: Why?
Alex: He sensed fowl play.
Robert: Which bird is best at bowling?
Chrystal: I don’t know.
Robert: A turkey.
Leighton: What sound does a limping turkey make?
Zach: I give up!
Leighton: “Wobble, wobble!”
Luke: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Will: What?
Luke: “Google, google, google.”
Josh: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
David: Tell me.
Josh: Drumsticks for everyone on Thanksgiving Day!
Pedro: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving
Day?
Ordep: What?
Pedro: “Quack! Quack!”
Chas: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to at the first
Thanksgiving feast?
Tom: What kind?
Chas: Plymouth Rock!
Justin: Which November holiday is Dracula’s favorite?
Jay: Which one?
Justin: Fangs-giving!
Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?
From BoysLife:
https://boyslife.org
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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(((' / `-. .c|
hjw / `-`'
>SMILES
For the second time in six weeks a man had fallen off his horse and
broken some ribs.
Coincidentally, the doctor in the emergency room at the hospital was
the same both times.
Since there isn't much that can be done for broken ribs, he
prescribed a pain killer and sent the man on his way.
As the man turned to leave, he jokingly asked, "Is there anything
you can recommend for my horse?"
The doctor paused and thought for a moment, then said, "If it were
me, I'd get another rider."
----------
He: "This article says women use about 30,000 words a day, whereas
men only use 15,000 words."
She: "That's probably because a woman has to say everything twice."
He: "...What?"
-----------
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from
the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which
led past the old graveyard. 'Come have a look over here,' says
Paddy, 'it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He
lived to the ripe old age of 87.' 'That's nothing', says Sean,
'here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95
when he died.' Just then, Shamus yells out, 'Good golly, here's
a fella that got to be 145 years old!' 'What was his name?' asks
Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to
see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims,
'Miles, from Dublin.'
----------
My young nephew was staying with me for a few days. He'd been
playing with some of the neighbor's kids for a while when he
came into the house and asked me, 'Hey Unc, what's it called
when people are sleeping on top of each other?' I was a bit
taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called
intercourse son.' He just said, 'OK', indifferently. and went
back outside to play. A few minutes later he came back in and
said angrily, 'Bobby's mother next door says, IT IS NOT called
intercourse! It's called bunk beds!'
----------
When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive
both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked,
"How will we keep from getting separated?" "We'll drive slowly
so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him. "Yeah,
but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted. "Well, then I
guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped. "Okay," he
said. "I'm riding with Mom."
----------
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as
the food was being served. When little Johnny received his
plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say
our prayer." "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course,
you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating
at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But
this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!
---
...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
,--.
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jg
>Male Logic
THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.
PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN QUESTIONS, WHICH HE
ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY. BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS
AFTER ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM
WOMAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
MAN: YES
WOMAN: HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?
MAN: USUALLY ABOUT THREE
WOMAN: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?
MAN: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)
WOMAN: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
MAN: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE
WOMAN: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY
WHICH PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450. IN ONE YEAR,
IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY $5400 CORRECT?
MAN: CORRECT
WOMAN: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400, NOT ACCOUNTING FOR
INFLATION, THE PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING AT $108,000
CORRECT?
MAN: CORRECT
WOMAN: DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DIDN’T DRINK SO MUCH BEER,
THAT MONEY COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS
ACCOUNT AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND INTEREST FOR THE
PAST 20 YEARS, YOU COULD HAVE NOW BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?
MAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
WOMAN: NO.
MAN: WHERE IS YOUR AIRPLANE?
---
...HaHaHAHA! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
,.
(:;)
`'
Today I would like to discuss lemons and lemon juice. It's
not just good for making tea and spraying on fish!
* Never throw a squeezed lemon away without first using it
to rub over yours hands and elbows. It softens, cleans and
bleaches them.
* Rinse fingernails and hands daily in a lemon rinse.
* Rub lemon juice on the skin to banish blackheads and acne.
* Mix lemon juice with salt and use to rub off dead skins
cells on the thighs elbows, knees and other problem areas.
BONUS TIP: Moisturizer
Worried that all that acidic citrus will dry out your skin?
Don't mess with expensive, designer moisturizers when you
probably already have something in your bathroom cabinet
that is just as good.
Petroleum jelly makes a great moisturizer. Wash your face
and while it is still wet apply a tiny amount of jelly.
Continue rubbing in a circular motion adding very warm water
until jelly is spread evenly. Your skin will be soft and non-
greasy even in the winter.
-<>-
(U)
\\
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(O)
Krogg
>Tips
Remove rust from metal. If you have a rusty wrench or
pair of pliers, just soak it overnight in a mixture of
vinegar and a couple tablespoons of salt. The next day
give it a good polish with a soft abraisive or scouring
pad, like the ones you would use for pots and pans in
the kitchen, and goodbye rust!
Don't throw silica gel packets away! Throw them into
drawers, boxes, instrument cases, and anywhere else you
don't want moisture damage.
Blow your stickers away. If a sticker or decal seems
like it's stuck to your bumper or window with concrete,
try heating it with a hair dryer for one or two minutes.
If it is stuck on a completely flat surface like a
window, a razor blade will help, too.
Stripped screw hole in wood? Fix it with a matchstick.
Break a wooden matchstick off inside the hole. Then just
screw into the matchstick!
If you've done much cooking or baking you have probably
struggled with separating egg yolks from the whites.
There is an easier way.
1: Squeeze an empty plastic water bottle.
2: Touch it to the yolk.
3: Release the yolk once it's separated from the white!
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hint:
3 ways to cut the clutter - and save trees in the process
1. Get off junk-mail lists Register with the Direct
Marketing Association's DMAchoice mail preference service
(dmachoice.org), and you'll see a significant reduction
in mail after three months.
2. Permanently place a recycling box an arm's length from
your mail bin so you can toss any remaining junk mail pronto.
3. Pay bills online, or set up automatic check paying
from your bank account. No envelopes, no postage - and
no late fees, if you're on an automatic plan.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Trump's Handwritten Note
https://theusawire.com/2019/11/14937-trumps-handwritten-note/
Report: FBI Wants To Speak With Trump Whistleblower
https://tinyurl.com/r65cdad
Nunes: ‘No Conspiracy Is Too Outlandish For The Democrats’
https://tinyurl.com/wgjc6fz
Prince Andrew Steps Away From Public Duties Due To His Epstein Ties
https://tinyurl.com/tkvdtbh
Team Trump Congratulates Hunter Biden As DNA Tests Confirm His
Love Child ‘With Scientific Certainty’
https://tinyurl.com/wvf32nc
Facebook’s Zuckerberg Visits White House to Dine With Trump
https://tinyurl.com/rjvo5cx
Westwing News:Impeachment Is Destroying Democrats
“On Thursday night, Democratic staffers enjoyed cocktails on Capitol
Hill to celebrate the end of a week of televised impeachment hearings.
The partygoers believed the hearings were a smashing success on the
road to the impeachment of the President. Instead, the evidence shows
that Democrats should be worried, not celebrating. The American
people are tiring of the Democratic Party’s political antics.”
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews: It’s official: Americans are tuning out the Swamp—and
the ratings prove it
Tone-deaf would be an accurate way to describe the Washington political
class in general, and it certainly applies to Democrats’ latest
impeachment attempt.
For the past two weeks, they’ve rolled out witness after witness for
hours of nationally televised hearings. Each testimony had a few things
in common, including that all substituted pure speculation in lieu of
any actual evidence. But today’s “finale” had something extra: The
witnesses weren’t even indirectly involved in the July 25 phone call
with Ukraine. They learned about it the same way you did—from the news.
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free - Help Feed the Hungry This Holiday Season
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Many of you have probably heard of a 'money shot' but this
is ridiculous. This story comes from Tennessee, and it
should be no surprise that the home of Jack Daniel's and
Tennessee whiskey should produce a story about a man who
is so snookered that he can't keep himself from trying to
humping anything that can't get away from him. And he was
almost successful, too.
49-year-old Lonnie Hutton was apprehended at The Boro Bar
and Grill in Murfreesboro. According to police, an officer
was dispatched to the bar, where a witness said that
Hutton walked up to the ATM and "pulled down his pants and
underwear exposing his genitals and then attempted to have
intercourse with the ATM."
After his encounter with the ATM, Hutton began to walk
around the bar nude, thrusting his hips in the air.
Hutton was subsequently escorted from the bar and told to
sit at a wooden picnic table. But once outside the bar,
Hutton allegedly "again exposed himself again and engaged
in intercourse with the wooden picnic table."
To the surprise of no one police reported that Hutton
smelled of booze, had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech.
-<>-
Some people really take offense at things. And sure, there
is a lot of injustice in the world, but the woman in today's
story might have gotten a little carried away with pursuing
her own, personal crusade.
A woman with a history of attacks on people wearing fur has
been charged with attempted murder for stabbing a woman she
believed was wearing the material at a church outside
Cleveland, police said.
Meredith Lowell, 35, is being held on a $1 million bond
after the attack at a Presbyterian church in Cleveland
Heights.
The victim had brought children she was babysitting to the
church for choir practice, and Lowell stabbed her twice in
the arm and once in the abdomen with a kitchen knife,
according to a Cleveland Heights police report.
A man wrestled Lowell to the floor and held her until
officers arrived.
The victim remained hospitalized, Police Chief Anne
Mecklenburg said. Her condition was unclear. It's also not
clear whether the victim was wearing real fur.
Lowell was arrested a year ago on suspicion of attacking
someone she believed was wearing fur at a Whole Foods
store in University Heights. A police report said Lowell
punched and then tried to cut a woman wearing a jacket
with fake fur on its hood with the serrated blade of a
Swiss Army knife. The jacket was gashed, but the woman
was not cut.
In March 2012, Lowell was indicted in federal court in
Cleveland after authorities said she posted on Facebook
that she wanted to hire a hit man to kill someone wearing
fur. Lowell wrote that she would be willing to pay $850,
according to an FBI affidavit.
Those charges were dropped in January 2013 when it was
determined she could not be "rehabilitated to competency,"
court records show.
---
...Reminds me of my own experience...
I had stopped at a gas station with my daughter and got out
in the freezing cold to fill the gas tank wearing my $150 5
year old big warm and cozy 'bear' fake fur black coat. A man
was walking by to his car and gave me the longest, most evil,
scowling gaze. It has been years since then, but I still
remember it. I never saw him before so either he was just an
evil man or he really didn't like me for some reason. Since
then I was thinking it was probably due to him thinking I was
wearing a real bear fur coat and our car at the time was an
older BMW my husband got for a good price. It seems rich folks
tend to off them after just a few years so one can buy them
used at a very reasonable price compared to new. They are very
well made (like a tank) so we were quite pleased to get it. But
to him, I might have looked like some entitled B-otch or something.
*--- Would You Sell Your Privacy For a Free Hotel Room? ---*
A Japanese hotel offers a room that costs only $1 per night,
but there's a catch -- the guest's entire stay is live-
streamed on YouTube. Tetsuya Inoue, who took over the Asahi
Ryokan hotel in Fukuoka from his grandmother last year, said
he was looking for ways to boost business and was inspired
by a British YouTuber who livestreamed his time at the
hotel. "This is a very old ryokan and I was looking into
a new business model," Inoue said. "Our hotel is on the
cheaper side, so we need some added value, something special
that everyone will talk about." Inoue said room No. 8 is
now equipped with cameras that are always livestreaming on
his YouTube channel, One Dollar Hotel. He said the feed is
video only and the cameras are pointed away from the
bathroom area to give guests some privacy. He said the
hotel loses money with the $1 stays, but once his YouTube
channel reaches 4,000 view hours, he will be able to monetize
the scheme with ads.
*-- This Is Why Dogs Shouldn't Have Drivers Licenses --*
Residents of a Florida neighborhood said a car that drove
in circles in reverse for about an hour only had a single
occupant -- a dog. Police said the driver of the car in
Port St. Lucie had gotten out and left the vehicle running,
and the dog then apparently knocked the vehicle into
reverse. Neighbors said the car was moving for about an
hour before police were able to stop it. "First I thought
I saw somebody backing up but then they kept going and I'm
like OK what are they doing," a witness told local news.
Police were able to enter a code to open a door, stop the
car and rescue the dog. The car hit a mailbox, some garbage
cans and some bricks in front of a home while the canine
was behind the wheel. "He was doing pretty good until he
hit the mailbox. He went around for about an hour without
hitting anything at all."
*--- I Now Pronounce You Father and Daughter ---*
A West Virginia man admitted to authorities that he married
one of his two daughters after helping both of them kill
another man and dump him in a shallow grave, a report said.
Larry Paul McClure, 55, said in a letter to state
investigators that he and his daughters; 31-year-old Amanda
Michelle Naylor McClure and 32-year-old Anna Marie
Choudhry, plotted the murder of John McGuire, who was
dating Amanda, the Bluefield Daily Telegraph reported. A
West Virginia State Police officer testified in a recent
court hearing that the trio hit McGuire in the head with
a bottle of wine, tied him up and injected him with two
vials of meth. They then strangled him and buried him in
a shallow grave on the property of a home where they were
staying in the Skygusty section of the state. In his
admission letter, McClure wrote the murder was his daughter
Amanda's idea. "I cannot tell you why Amanda wanted John
McGuire dead," Larry McClure wrote. Police allege Amanda
and her father then traveled to Virginia and married each
other at the United Methodist Church ministry of the gospel.
*--- What Every Woman Wants ---*
A Dubai bar is drawing in female customers with an unusual
promotion -- the more they weigh, the more free drinks they
receive. The Fusion Club at Cassells Al Barsha Hotel
announced it will be running a special through the end of
the year offering $0.12 in free drink credit for every pound
a female customer weighs -- meaning a woman weighing 150
pounds would receive about $18.50 worth of free drinks. Bar
managers said there is a scale available in the bar, but
customers can also use the honor system to merely tell their
weight to bartenders. "Although we have a weighing machine
at the bar entrance, we do not insist our guests to verify
the weight," Anil Kumar, the hotel's food and beverage
manager said. The promotion's motto is, "It's good to gain
weight."
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
I've always found it amusing how stores will essentially have the
same food products (similar in looks and taste) but for legal reasons
they have to change the name. It's really goofy. Or maybe it's as if
these name-brands are ashamed to be seen in these places. Hey, if I
can buy a box of Frosted Flakes for $2 cheaper at discount grocery
store, well then the jokes on you whoever makes that delicious
breakfast cereal.
Anywho, the product name changes are often silly or unnecessary,
especially when it comes to cereals. I now have for you the Top 5
Best Alternative Cereal Names (that were created to avoid legal
action).
o8Oo./
._o8o8o8Oo_.
\========/
`------' hjw
1. Rhino Puffs (Corn Pops)
2. Fruit Nuggets (Fruity Pebbles)
3. Breakfast Letters (Alpha-Bits)
4. Apple Cinnamon Roundies (Apple Jacks)
5. Cocoa Balls (Cocoa Puffs)
And a bonus, random cereal name - Huggie Bears (Not Associated with
Starsky and Hutch).
They are all creative, all delicious, and all sitting in my desk
drawer just waiting to be eaten by me. Hey, winter is a coming so
I'm stocked up!
-<>-
>I'm Not Happy
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!
He looked up at me and said, 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
-<>-
>Change
My neighbor's young son swallowed a quarter, a dime and a nickel.
He was rushed to the hospital.
The next day I asked my neighbor how his son was doing, and he
replied, "No change yet".
-<>-
>How to Impress
How to impress a woman... Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her,
caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect
her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her,
buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her,
support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to impress a man... Show up naked, with beer.
-<>-
>Here's Some Random Stuff
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out
of my pillow fort.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!
Can a orphan go to a family Restaurant?
You know what's weird about bullets?
They do work until they are fired!
-<>-
.-=--.
.' .--. '.
: : .-.'. : _ _
: : : .': : (o)o)
: '. '-' .' ////
fsc _'.__'--=' '-.//i'
.-' /
'---..____...---''
>Q and A Quickies
Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don't like fast food.
Q: What do sprinters eat before a race?
A: Nothing, they fast.
Q: What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle
and a badly dressed man on a unicycle?
A: Attire.
?
.
'
_ -- ~~~ -- _ _______
.-~ ~-.{__-----. :
/ \ | |
: O O : | |
/\ /------' j
{ {/~-. .-~\~~~~~~~~~
\/ / |~:- .___. -.~\ \ \
/ /\ \ | | { { \ \ } } \ \
{ { \ \ | \ \ \ \ / } }
\ \ /\ \ \ \ /\ \ { {
} } { { \ \ \ \/ / \ \ \ \
/ / } } \ \ }{ { \ \ } }
/ / { { \ \{\ \ } { {
/ / } } } }\\ \ / / \ \
`-' { { `-'\ \`-'/ / `-'
`-' `-' `-'
Q: What does a jellyfish have on its tummy?
A: A jelly button.
Q: Why was the ancient Egyptian confused?
A: Because his daddy was also his mummy.
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
., _
/ `
((|)))))
((/ a a
))) >)
((((._e((
,--/ (-.
/ \ <\/>/|
/ /) Lo )|
/ / ) / |
| / ( /
| / ;/
||( |
/ )|/| \
|/'/\ \_____\
\ | \
\ |\ \
| | ) )
) )/ /
A young college girl came running in tears to her father.
"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she
cried.
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now
that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest
banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some
mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one
of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
-<>-
___
.-" "-.
.' . ; `.
/ : . ' : \
| ` .-. . ' |
| : ( ) ; ` |
| : `-' : |
\ .` ; : /
hjw `. . ' .'
`-.___.-'
Jim and Joe stop in front of a pastry shop and Jim says,
"Let me show you how to get yourself a free snack."
Stepping through the door Jim reaches behind the counter
a slips a big, frosted cookie into his coat pocket before
the baker has a chance to look up and see what's going on.
Winking at Joe, Jim whispers, "What do you think about
that?"
At that point the baker walks over and asks if he can help
them. Joe winks back at Jim, then says to the baker, "I
bet you a free cookie I can show you a magic trick you've
never seen before."
The baker says, "If it's a good enough trick I guess it's
worth a free cookie."
Joe says, "Watch this!" and takes a big, frosted cookie
off the counter and munches away until it's gone. Then he
says, "Ta-da!"
The baker leans over the counter and says in a menacing
voice, "There better be one good magic trick coming up or
you're going to be talking to the police."
Joe gives Jim grin and then says to the baker, "Just take
a look in my friend's pocket."
-<>-
I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker
that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an
very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light
is still red, you MORON!?"
-<>-
Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter
plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.
I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I
was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very
full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How
much do you weigh, sir?"
Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?"
"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
-<>-
In a small business office they have an answering machine
that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and
to spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend
messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite
her name and address and then confidently offer, "My
difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
.
. \ \ / \ \| \ | / / ,
\ \ | | | |/ \ | | |/ / | .
\ | \ \ | \ / | | / / / | | /_/ /
\_ \ \ \ | |\ | | | / | | | / _/,-'/_,-' /
_ _ \ \| \_\_ \| \ \\ | |/ / / / _/ _/,---' /
\___\ \_ \__ \ \ | \ \ | / // | / // _/_/__/ __/_
__ _ \_ \ \ | \ \ |/ |/ | | / / / /___/ _/ _/
_ \___ \ / _____/
\_ \__ \ -------.___ -----._______ / _/ __/
\__ \ _____ ----- __ / __/
\ _______ ------' /
__ | ___________ ___________ | __
/ `| ,-' ___________ '. ,' ___________ `-. |' \
| /` (_,-' _______ `./ \,' _______ `-._) '\ |
| | ,-' `._,`-. ,-' `._,`-. | |
| |. ,' `. `. ,' `. `. :| |
| \ `. `-._____,-,' `. `-._____,-,' / |
\ ' `-._______,-' : : `-._______,-' ' /
\_. | | ._/
| | | |
\ / \ /
\ / \ /
\ | | /
| \,--._,--./ |
| _,.--'''`-'''`--.._ |
--. ,---. ,---. | ,' __,-----------.__ `. ,---. ,---. ,---.
-- \( \( -- \_|____/_,'\/| | | | |\/`._\__ / -- )/ )/ -- )
.--.\\ -- \\ .--.\ `-.|__|__|,-' /,--, // -- //,--, /
\__\)\ .--.\\ \__\) (/__/ //,--, /(/__/ /
`---' \ \__\)`---' `---'(/__/ / `---'
jrei `---' `---'
>Doesn't It Annoy You When...
...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is
nowhere to be found?
...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then
everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive
10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription
cards keep falling out?
...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it
anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on
telling it for another 15 minutes.
...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get
out.
...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you
don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.
-<>-
>Quickies:
My wife is on a well-known diet plan, and so far she's lost $300.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.
Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
-<>-
_ _{Ss
//\\_/_/\Ss
_/_| \_/ \_ pb
>Women
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down
and forget where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of candy can make a
woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't
know what you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by
then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain
consciousness.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and it
shrinks two sizes!
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't
all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I
said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in
vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "listen witch...
do it and die."
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.
Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
-<>-
>Strange but True warnings. Take note.
* On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
* On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.
DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
* On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
* On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
* On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Who are they to tell me what to do
with my kids?)
* On a Japanese food processor
- NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
* On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really?)
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
* On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What is
this, a home castration kit?)
* On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right,
destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
*On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
* On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
* In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was
INSIDE the box.)
* On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED
PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL
FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
* In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
* On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
* On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
-<>-
/\
/ .\
(_/\_)
)(
/__\
_/_/\_\_
_/_/__\_\_
_/_/_/\_\_\_
_/_/_/__\_\_\_
__/_/_/_/\_\_\_\__
_)__,________'____(_
)__________________(
||| - |
| _____-____ |
| |\ /| |
' | \ / | |
| | \ / | |
| | \/ | |
| | /\ |'|
| | / \ | |
_| | / \ | |_
//| |/ \| \\
//| / \.
//| / ||
//| / __||__
//| , -__ __-
____//| / ' || .
_)___/| / / / || \
/\ )__ \_ / __/_____/\_____\__
/. \ | / |__________________|
(_/\_) ' / /. ///\\\ \
)( | | | /(( ))\ - |
//\\ | -| | / \\// \ |
huummmhummmmmhummmmmm... // \\__,_| | | - /\ \/ /\ ' |__
/ | //- \____| | / / () () () \ \ '
___// ./\ \ | | / / /\ /\ /\ \ \ |
,```_ _```, )__ //\\ |_| - | | //\\//\\//\\ | -
c - - c | (( )) -| | .| | |(( )( )( ))| |
./|-` `-|\. | |\\//| | | | ' | \\//\\//\\// | |
/` \ /` \ |- | \/ | | ' | | | \/ \/ \/ | '
/_| \) (/ |_\ | | () | | | | | | () () () | |
| .__| |__, | | |//\\| - | -| | | /\ /\ /\ | |
| | | | | -|/ \| | - | , | //\\//\\//\\ ' |
| | | | __|_ | | _|_| |_|_ |// \( )/ \\| |__+
|___\ /___| _)___||____||___| |___||__ \\// __|__, |
______===_____===_______|____| |__| |_,|__|__| |____\/____| | ,
__________________________________________b'ger __/
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the "men of God", the rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged
the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go
and ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the
friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close shop.
Terrified, they did so -thereby proving - That Hugh, and only Hugh,
can prevent florist friars.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Beautiful Exotic Birds
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds.html
100 Years Ago
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/yearsago.html
Animal Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html
Ford's First RV!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html
WWI Human Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanart.html
Liberty Air Show!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html
Cat Spot Tips!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catspots.html
Stuck Animals!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html
For Thanksgiving Links:
Give Praise
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/praise.html
Ohio Indians
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ohioindians.html
Rich VS Poor
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/richvspoor.html
Seven Wonders Of The World
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/wonders.html
That's God
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html
Value What You Have
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html
Yummy DESSERTS
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Thanksgiving Animations
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html
Thanks and Thank You Animations
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html
Thanksgiving Story!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/alices.html
Full Fall/Vets/Thanksgiving Index!
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
Carol Burnett Show - Royal Family - Carol Cracks Up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yf8xQk9PNKo
Jonathan Winters on the Tonight Show 8 25 1988
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdoNec8d2bs
Red Skelton Carson Tonight Show 1983
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI7kJvwvmDo
My daughter didn't know who this comedy team was Soooo...
Two of my favorites:
Abbott & Costello Who's On First
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg
The ABBOTT & COSTELLO SHOW - Loafing!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRs37ugCxyM
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
A great look back at the 1950?s and 1960's that should bring back
fond memories for anyone that grew up in that era.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDc0ID6PJeg
Tim Conway absolutely wrecks his fellow cast mates ability to
keep a straight face. The show was filmed live and the actors
were always trying to make each other laugh which is something
Tim Conway excelled at doing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qqE_WmagjY
---
...These classic comedians are the best! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
Revisiting...
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Men over 50 will find this relevant...extremely entertaining-
Have a good laugh---Listen to the entire "lecture"
-guaranteed to resurrect your Laugh Box and find yourself
laughing at yourself!!!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/LR2qZ0A8vic?rel=0
---
...HaHa! Thanks Geniann!
>From Our Friend Fran :)
Lost in the Fifties- Another Time, Another Place
http://safeshare.tv/w/FEDEwZHZXu
---
...Sweet! Thanks Fran!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The other day in Australia, a wedding took place inside
a Costco. Because it was Costco, the groom came home with
12 brides." -Conan O'Brien
"I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert
Einstein presented his theory of General Relativity,
which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the
last time someone actually meant it when they said, 'Way
to go, Einstein.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Nestle is recalling its Hot Pockets Four Cheese Pizza
Snack Bites due to misbranding. They'll be re-released
with the corrected name, Scalding Hot Yet Somehow Still
Frozen in the Middle Pockets." -Seth Meyers
"Two photographs that went missing from the Museum of a
Modern Art in New York were mailed back to the museum
just a few days later by the alleged thief. Which is,
you know, great for the museum. Got to be a bit of a
blow to the ego of the artist. 'Your photographs were
so popular they were stolen! No, wait, they sent them
back.'" -James Corden
"China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd
richest country in the world. They could become the
richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we
owe them, and that's not going to happen." -Seth Meyers
"A skydiver in California just became the first person
to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a
parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines
calls that, 'Business Class.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"In the world of healthcare, the FDA has approved the
first pill with a digital sensor that signals doctors
when patients have taken their medicine. The doctors
say they invented the pill to make sure that their
patients are taking their medication. I still think it
would be more effective if they went with my plan of
making all pills taste like Cool Ranch Doritos."
-James Corden
"A Florida man is refusing to give up his 'emotional
support squirrel' even though his condo association is
threatening to evict him. Of course it's stressful
times like these when the comforting embrace of a
squirrel helps the most." -Seth Meyers
"A federal court just ruled that sharing your Netflix
password is now a federal crime. So if you've been
looking for a way to send your parents to prison, here's
your chance." -Jimmy Fallon
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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