English for Tourists, SOS And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ >I'm Back! Your prayers for me worked! Praise God! As many of you know, I had partial cornea transplant surgery for my right eye on the 10th of this month. I am happy to report that all went well with it and my doctor was surprised and as pleased as could be that I was seeing so well from it so soon. He still has me on restrictions until July 4th so I have to be good and limit myself so I do not do any harm to my eye. I will be only doing the jokes and the inspirations until after the 4th then I will be back to normal doing the extras and the new pages. I have over 200 emails to go through. Please be patient with me if I have not answered yours yet. I am most thankful to God and to all of you for your prayers, support and understanding during this trying time of mine. Thank You! (¯`v´¯) `*.¸.*´ ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨) (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. Huggums!... :) Shangy! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination." _....,_ _,...._ _.-` _,..,_'. .'_,..,_ `-._ _,-`/ o \ '. .' / o \`-,_ jgs '-.\___/.-` `-.\___/.-' _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Corporate Terminology Street-wise translation of corporate terminology... COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay you enough to expect that you'll dress nicely. MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. MUST BE FLEXIBLE: On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles. SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend. DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control. CAREER-MINDED: Female employees must be childless (and remain that way). APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace the three people who just left. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 22 is National Chocolate Eclair Day June 23 is National Columnists Day and National Pink Day June 24 is Swim a Lap Day June 25 is Log Cabin Day and National Catfish Day June 26 is Beautician's Day, Forgiveness Day and Take Your Dog to Work June 27 is Sun Glasses Day June 28 is Paul Bunyan Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: `>.___ o-.--.-o ___,<' / `. / ,, \ .' \ { `.; ,__, ;.' } `._ }`.__.'{ _.' `,=."' `".=,' .' /`-.____.-'_ `, \_.';`-.______.-':`._/ `+-.______.-'' `-.____.-' / || \ ; ;; ; `-./ \.-' fsc >Birds and Bees Mommy sighs, knowing this day would come so she sits her daughter down for a long talk about the birds and the bees. After Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies, the little girl is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mommy asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens, how does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow," the girl exclaims, "my daddy can do ANYTHING!" -<>- >Coupons I work as a cashier at a grocery store that was celebrating its grand re-opening. To draw customers, we were mailing out coupons for various free items, such as eggs, soda, chips, etc. The coupon for the chips was very specific: it had to be a 13 1/4 ounce bag of Lays Potato Chips. One lady was a bit confused. Upon handing me her bag of chips and the corresponding coupon, she said, "The coupon says thirteen and one fourth, but I guess this is close enough, right?" I checked. The net weight printed on the bag was 13.25 ounces. I looked up, certain she was joking. She wasn't. -<>- >Parking Ticket Recently in traffic court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the officer again, tell him he owes you 157 dollars. Next..." -<>- >See the World After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight days, I went to the squadron command master chief to complain. "Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world," I said, "but for the past three months all I've seen is water." "Sailor," he replied, "three-quarters of the earth is covered with water, and the Navy has been showing you that. If you wanted to see the other 25 percent, you should have joined the Army." -<>- >Visit to the Zoo I took my son to the zoo. As we were walking around viewing the animals in the nature compounds, he pointed to a lion. "Look, Dad, there's a frickin' lion!" "What?" "It's a frickin' lion!" "Uh ... how did you come up with that?" "It's on the sign over there." Sure enough, posted on the fence was a sign that read, "African Lion." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) { } } { { { } } } }{ { { }{ } } ( }{ }{ { ) .-{ } }-. ( ( } { } { } ) |`-.._____..-'| | ;--. | (__) (__ \ | (oo) | ) ) | \/ |/ / | / / -Felix Lee- (Decorative)- | ( / \ y' `-.._____..-' >SMILES A man put his fifty cents in a vending machine and then watched helplessly as the cup failed to appear -- a nozzle sent coffee down the drain while another poured cream after it. "Now that's automation!" he exclaimed. "It even drinks for you!" ------- A new mother went to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "Since I had the baby I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?" "Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor." ------- The difference between the Supreme Court and the Ku Klux Klan is that the members of the Supreme Court wear black robes and scare white people. ------- There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business. All of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks the little guy off the bar stool. He says, "That was a chop, from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again. All of a sudden -- WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN!! He says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." The little guy has had enough of this BS, so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so. When he comes back -- WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out like a light!!! The little guy looks at the bartender, and says to him, "When he comes to, tell him it was a crowbar from Sears. ------- Darryl was trying to sell his old car. He was having a lot of problems because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, he told his problem to his buddy Tom who told her, "There is a way to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Darryl, "I just need to sell the car." "Okay," said Tom, "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the odometer on your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Darryl made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Tom asked the him, "So... did you sell your car?" "No," replied Darryl, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!" ------- For all Who Work With Rude Customers. Isn't it a shame we can't actually do this. An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS". The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please, "she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F... You!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too." ------- The family was gathered at dinner. The oldest boy announced he was going to marry the girl across the street. "But her family didn't leave her a penny," objected his father. "And she hasn't saved a cent," added mother. "She doesn't know a thing about football," said junior. "I've never seen a girl with such funny hair," said sister. "All she does is read novels," said uncle. "And such poor taste in the choice of her clothes," said aunt. "But she isn't sparing of the powder and the paint," said grandma. "True," said the boy. "But she has one supreme advantage over all of us." "What's that? everyone wanted to know. "She has no family. ------- A junior-high student was studying astronomy and enjoying it greatly. One morning at breakfast she mentioned, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon." Her little brother piped up: "Are you gonna let her go, Mom??" ------- A blonde gets carried away at a pet store, and ends up buying over a hundred goldfish. When she gets home, she finds that there are so many of them, the only place she can keep them is in her bathtub! One day she invites her friend, Sally, over to see all her beautiful goldfish. The friend is very impressed, and remarks, "They surely are beautiful, but what do you do when you want to take a bath?" "Oh, that's not a problem," the blonde replies, brightly, "I just blindfold them." ------- The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car and fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, man," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ------- A stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, thought he had figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then told her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. When he passed away, he planned to reach out and grab the bags on his way to Heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, his wife was up in the attic cleaning when she came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that old fool!" she exclaimed. "I *knew* I should have put the money in the basement!" ------- A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a large pair. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24." ------- Officer: Solider, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure buddy, no problem." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, Sir!" ------- Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not. The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note. Last Sunday the priest ended with... "Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?" I wasn't the only one who got it wrong! ------- A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California. The Captain gets on the loud- hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?" One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "We are invading the United States of America! to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's." The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the Captain is finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?" The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!" ------- Rumors are circulating in California that radical Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in Los Angeles, killing anyone who is a legal U.S. citizen. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 12. ------- A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in love making. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted into Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight..." ------ Having lunch one day, a s therapist said to her friend, "According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of all people make love in the shower. The other ten percent of them sing." "Really?" asked the friend. The therapist shook her head and proceeded to ask, "And do you know what song they sing?" The friend nodded her head and replied, "No." The therapist replied, "I didn't think so." -------- Joe, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked. The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well." Joe thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left. The next day, Joe returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse me," asked Joe, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?" "Well, I can but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix." "Hmm," thought Joe. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try. On the third day, Joe still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right. Joe wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?" "No, I am a Rabbi." -------- A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?" "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?" "No I haven't" The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?" "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?" "No I haven't" Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?" "Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years." The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?" ------- ,__ _, \~\| ~~---___ , | \ | Wash.| | ~~~~~~~|~~~~~| ~~---, _ VT_/,ME> /~-_--__| | Montana |N Dak\ Minn/ ~\~_/Mich. /~| ||,' |Oregon | \ |------| { WI / /~) __-NY',|_\,NH / |Ida.|~~~~~~~~|S Dak.\ \ | | '~\ |_____,|~,-'Mass. |~~--__ | | Wyoming|____ |~~~~~|--| |__ /_-'Penn.{,~Conn (RI) | | ~~~|~~| | ~~\ Iowa/ `-' |`~ |~_____{/NJ | | Nev | '---------, Nebr.\----| |IN|OH,' ~/~\,|`MD (DE) ', \ |Utah| Colo. |~~~~~~~| \IL| ,'~~\WV/ VA | |Cal\ | | | Kansas| MO \_-~ KY /`~___--\ ', \ ,-----|-------+-------'_____/__----~~/N Car./ '_ '\| | |~~~|Okla.| | Tenn._/-,~~-,/ \ |Ariz.| New | |_ |Ark./~~|~~\ \,/S Car. ~~~-' | Mex. | `~~~\___|MS |AL | GA / '-,_ | _____| | / | ,-'---~\ `~'~ \ Texas |LA`--,~~~~-~~,FL\ \/~\ /~~~`---` | \ \ / \ | -jorn \ | '\' `~' Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get a prescription while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke. Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. -<>- ._-'-_ . . ' /_-_-_\ ` . .' |-_-_-_-| `. ejm ( `.-_-_-.' ) !`. .'! ! ` . . ' ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! / / \ \ _-| \___ ___/ /-_ (_ )__\_)\(_/__( _) ))))\X\ (((( \/ \/ >Hellmann's Mayonnaise story Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as... Sinko De Mayo. ...WHAT? You expected something educational from me. -<>- .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Medical Funnies Taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians. Apparently, it's not just their handwriting that's bad. ;) Editorial comments in brackets. - By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. [At least he was feeling no pain.] - Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. - On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. [Call the National Enquirer!] - The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. - The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. - Discharge status: Alive but without permission. [Some people are so rude.] - Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. - The patient refused an autopsy. [And who could blame them?] - The patient has no past history of suicides. - Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. [...quick call the hospital and get them.] - The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days. - She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. [Was this an amicable split? Or a trial separation?] - The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. - She is numb from her toes down. - The skin was moist and dry. [That's not skin; it's a moist towelette.] - Patient was alert and unresponsive. [...not to mention forgetful.] - When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. -<>- , /.\ //_`\ _.-`| \ ``._ .-''`-. _.'`. .' / /'\/`.\ `. / . |/ `. \ ' / \ ; : ' \ : : ; ; ; / . ' : . ' / \ \ / .' LGB `.` .' .' `-..___....----` >Tomato Garden An old gentleman lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like the old days. Love, Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Papa, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie --- ...LOL! These are rich! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From Allen B.West What Jurassic World actor just said about Christianity will probably ruin his career http://tinyurl.com/pr3lxjv -<>- >From AFA: Dads http://www.afa.net/ -<>- >From Tea Party News: Rapper Says Charleston Church Victims Should Have Been Armed http://tinyurl.com/p8hry6a -<>- >From 2009 BizarreNews: I remember parking when I was a teenager. There was a Lutheran church in my neighborhood that had a very poorly lit parking lot. More than a few of my dates enjoyed a detoured via that parking lot before the drive home. But things have apparently changed to suit a more fast- paced age. I just read a story online describing the arrest of a couple, 19 and 20-years-old, who were pulled over for driving under the influence of alcohol, and also happened to be naked. The arresting trooper said a 19-year-old man, who was driving the car, was cited for being under the influence of alcohol and embracing while driving. Embracing? The 20-year-old female passenger was cited for possession of alcohol after the trooper spotted her trying to place a wine bottle on the floor of the vehicle. "There were some acts of physical intimacy going on in the vehicle that were best saved for not driving down the freeway," the trooper said. "We harp on the fact that being impaired is so dangerous, but being distracted is equally as dangerous. I can't think of anything more distracting than this." -- Survey: Men would wear heels ---------------- BEIJING - A survey conducted by one of China's most popular Web sites indicates that many men would wear high- heels to experience the pains felt by significant others. The online survey by 163.com attracted more than 3,000 responses, most of which were from men who said they would wear heels for their wives or girlfriends to demonstrate their love and understanding, Xinhua, China's official government-run news agency, reported Monday. "I am worried whenever I see my wife wearing high-heeled shoes, because it seems to hurt so much," a husband from China's Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region said. The Web site said the survey was inspired by U.S. anti-domestic violence movement Walk a Mile in Her Shoes. -- Man ejects intruding kangaroo --------------- GARRAN, Australia - An Australian woman said her husband wrestled a 6-foot-tall kangaroo into a headlock and threw it out of the family home after it jumped in through a window.Verity Beman said the marsupial jumped through a window at about 2 a.m. Sunday and landed on the bed she shares with her husband, Beat Ettlin, at their Garran, Australia, home, CNN reported. She said the home is on the border of a kangaroo reserve. "At first, he (Ettlin) thought it was a lunatic ninja," Beman said. "It leaped through the window, this martial-arts kind of figure. It was very Jackie Chan." Beman said they soon discovered the intruder was a 90-pound kangaroo and it began rampaging through their home, punching furniture and leaving blood- stains on the walls. "That's when his male instinct kicked in," Beman said of her husband. Ettlin put the kangaroo in a headlock, dragged it toward the front door and ejected it from his home. Beman said her husband, who is originally from Switzerland, probably would not have confronted the kangaroo if he had been a native Australian. "They would be fully aware of the risk," she said. "I kept marveling at what he did," Beman said. "I called him my hero. My hero in Bonds undies." -- Woman, 107, has Disneyland royal treatment -------- ANAHEIM, Calif. - A woman in Orange County, Calif., said she was treated like a queen when she visited Disneyland for her 107th birthday. Margaret Johnstone said after being announced by a town crier at the famous tourist site, she received a round of applause while wearing a blinking princess tiara, The Orange County (Calif.) Register said Monday. "Hear ye, hear ye," the unidentified town crier said Sunday as Johnstone entered Disneyland in her wheel- chair. "Our princess is 107 years old today!" Johnstone, who was born in 1902, even got a chance to kiss the site's mascot, Mickey Mouse, when she found an employee dressed as the fictional character in Toontown. But the 107-year- old, who uses a wheelchair due to arthritis in her knee, didn't offer too many tips on her longevity beyond using Oil of Olay face cream for smooth skin. "Well, I've never believed in eating two starches at the same meal," she told the Register. -- Coffee taster's tongue insured for $14M --------- LONDON - A taste tester for Britain's Costa Coffee said the company has taken out a $14 million insurance policy on his tongue. Costa Coffee taster Gennaro Pelliccia said the company took out the policy with Lloyd's of London as it prepares to open a planned 100 new stores during the year, The Daily Telegraph reported. "In my profession, my taste buds and sensory skills are crucial," Pelliccia said. "My 18 years of experience enable me to distinguish between thousands of flavors. My taste buds also allow me to distinguish any defects, which enables me to protect and guarantee Costa's unique Mocha Italia blend." While competitor Starbucks has been forced to close hundreds of locations around the world, Costa officials said their company has thus far avoided any recession-powered downturn and reported positive sales growth this year. A spokesman for Glencairn, the Lloyd's broker handling the policy, said Pelliccia's insurance trumps the $4.8 million policy taken out for singer Bruce Springsteen's voice. "The taste buds of a 'master of coffee' are as important as the vocal chords of a singer or the legs of a top model, and this is one of the biggest single insurance policies taken out for one person. It shows how valuable Gennaro's tongue is to the Costa brand," the spokesman said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) Q. Are birth control pills deductible ? A. Only if they don't work -<>- _ /' `\ k___y th j /`Y'\ .,--,. \___/ ... ,' __ ', _ ||| j /' `\ t f | t j f | | j t_| T j \ / t Y| | ', `--' ,' || U '~--~' LJ kth A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. "Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now. "It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up..??! I'm starving...!" -<>- ____________________________________________________ |____________________________________________________| | __ __ ____ ___ || ____ ____ _ __ | || |__ |--|_| || |_| |||_|**|*|__|+|+||___| || | | ||==|^^||--| |=||=| |=*=||| |~~|~| |=|=|| | |~||==| | || |##|| | | || | |JRO|||-| | |==|+|+||-|-|~||__| | ||__|__||__|_|_||_|_|___|||_|__|_|__|_|_||_|_|_||__|_| ||_______________________||__________________________| | _____________________ || __ __ _ __ _ | ||=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=| __..\/ | |_| ||#||==| / /| || | | | | | | | | | | |/\ \ \\|++|=| || ||==| / / | ||_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_/_/\_.___\__|_|__||_||__|/_/__| |____________________ /\~()/()~//\ __________________| | __ __ _ _ \_ (_ . _/ _ ___ _____| ||~~|_|..|__| || |_ _ \ //\\ / |=|__|~|~|___| | | | ||--|+|^^|==|1||2| | |__/\ __ /\__| |==|x|x|+|+|=|=|=| ||__|_|__|__|_||_|_| / \ \ / / \_|__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_________________ _/ \/\/\/ \_ _______________| | _____ _ __ |/ \../ \| __ __ ___| ||_____|_| |_|##|_|| | \/ __| ||_|==|_|++|_|-||| ||______||=|#|--| |\ \ o / /| | |~| | | ||| ||______||_|_|__|_|_\ \ o / /_|_|__|_|__|_|_||| |_________ __________\___\____/___/___________ ______| |__ _ / ________ ______ /| _ _ _| |\ \ |=|/ // /| // / / / | / ||%|%|%| | \/\ |*/ .//____//.// /__/__/ (_) / ||=|=|=| __| \/\|/ /(____|/ // / /||~|~|~|__ |___\_/ /________// ________ / / ||_|_|_| |___ / (|________/ |\_______\ / /| |______| / \|________) / / | | >Worlds Shortest Books.... THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan & Michelle Obama Illustrated by Michael Moore Foreword by George Soros _________________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA By "The Rev Jesse Jackson" & "The Rev Al Sharpton" _________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL By Hillary Clinton _________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton _________________ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD By Bill Gates _________________ THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY By Dennis Rodman _________________ THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE By Al Gore & John Kerry _________________ GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC By Amelia Earhart _________________ HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST By Dr. Jack Kevorkian _________________ TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell _________________ GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE By Mike Tyson _________________ THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY _________________ MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony _________________ HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY By Ted Kennedy _________________ MY BOOK ON MORALS By Bill Clinton With introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson And foreward by Tiger Woods with John Edwards _________________ AND, JUST ADDED: My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy By Nancy Pelosi _________________ And the shortest book of them all... THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE By Barack Obama --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Geniann! ===================================================== _..--.._ _..--. _..--.. ,' ,'`. ,','.--.\ ,' \ `.`. / / / /| : : / _ \: |\ \ \ \ / : : /`. | |:| ,'' _``. \ | ,;, . `:\ _: | `,/_\. :`/;' , .:\ ) `'/' _ \ \:\( _|__`>_/`' /(:/ / .\` /: .' ,`.._|_\\' ( _=`;._//_|_..'` \\ :: / '| (__=`, :`||| `,.__) \ : | \ \`.\\__\;|| //`|/ : | | `.._____.-,`'| \\___||// /`-._ | : | : ,<''_\\,.|//_`>. :`._ ;: \ ; ; )`-..______..-'( :\ `-.__.' / ; / /|: : | `.._____.': : _.' / || | | `. : : _.-' / :: ; : `-.____; \; ,' ( \ / )\ / ,' ,'____,' ,`-,.______..-') (__\ _`. (___..'>_>____`.`.'._)_\_>._)-' ,'___`._________) SSt +----------------- Bizarre Superstitions ------------------+ Spilling salt is considered bad luck, probably because it was once so valuable. Superstition has it a person is doomed to shed as many tears as it takes to dissolve the spilled salt. Evil spirits can't harm you when you stand inside a circle. Suspend a wedding band over the palm of the pregnant girl. If the ring swings in a circular motion it will be a girl. If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a boy. A knife as a gift from a lover means that the love will soon end. If you use the same pencil to take a test that you used for studying for the test, the pencil will remember the answers. The number of Xs in the palm of your right hand is the number of children you will have. You must hold your breath while going past a cemetery or you will breathe in the spirit of someone who has recently died. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _.(-)._ .' '. / \ |'-...___...-'| \ '=' / `'._____.'` / | \ /.--'|'--.\ []/'-.__|__.-'\[] | jgs [] >BBQ ETIQUETTE We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore, it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion. Routine: (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand. (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. Here comes the important part: (5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. More routine: (6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat Important again: (8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine: (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. And most important of all: (11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off" and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women. --- ...HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: tobias benjamin köhler __________________________________________ _________ ______________ ______________ ______________ __>_____ ========H|H============H|H============H|H============H|=H=====`) ------oo-^-oo--------oo-^-oo--------oo-^-oo--------oo-^o-o--o-o= Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?" "Two days ago." "Hm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer." "What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?" "At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty." "No, I mean what's he taking in college?" "He's taking every penny I make." "Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?" "He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil." "Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?" "Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him!" -<>- A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought. "Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs." "What about your wife?" the friend asked. "What did you buy her?" "A new lawn mower," the golfer said. -<>- Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary." Within a single heart beat, my wife quietly intoned, "Oh, Really? WERE you?" -<>- In my job with a delivery company, I was getting phone directions to a customer's home. The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center of town go two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right, and the number is on the mailbox." As I entered the information into the computer, I asked, "What color is your house?" The woman paused a second and said, "Hold on. I'll go check." -<>- A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a Farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work, the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans." "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?" "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer. "Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the fustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?" Thinking he had accomplished something the young Preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day!" Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days!" -<>- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked Him to forgive me. -<>- A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!" "Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?" "Six," replies the boy. "Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?" "I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay." "I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?" "Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky." -<>- A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $10,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?" -<>- .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] >ENGLISH for TOURISTS Cocktail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR." On an Athi River highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE." In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID." In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY." Taken from a menu, Poland: "SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION." Supermarket, Hong Kong: "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE." From the "Soviet Weekly": "THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS." On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT." A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) _____________________________________________ | _________________________________________ | | |26.1.00 | | Z | | | | z | | Napoleon Bonaparte | | z .-------------------------------------. | | Z | ...and then, in 1808, he entered... | | | z | ... he ente... hez... zZzZzZzZ | | | '-,-----------------------------------' | | ___ _/ | | | | .´ __) | |_________________________________________| | ( /_ _(\ |_____________________________________________| ( _| > )) ( ( (---'-. (_ `)\-`` ) `/-/ ) \ ----(__.´--------------. \ \ \\_______________________\ |,------------------------' gnv >What do I make ?? Friends were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?" To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?" Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...) "Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the Order of Canada. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental. You want to know what I make? (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table) I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions. I teach them to write and then I make them write.. Keyboarding isn't everything. I make them read, read, read. I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator. I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity. I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe. Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life. (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.) Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO? --- ...Amen! Thanks Karen! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _ .-' '-. / \ |,-,-,-,-,| ___ | _)_(_ | (/ \) | _\_/_ /) / \_/ \// |( )\/ ||)_( |/ \ n| | / \ | |_|___| \|/ jgs _/L\_ >The Land That Made Me, Me - Classic Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot, Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot. There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me, For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn. We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince, Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since. We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee' And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me. Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney. And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see, A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me. We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice, And when they made a movie, they never made it twice. We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three, Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me. Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp, And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp. We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T, And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me. We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go, At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe. For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be, And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me. We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead, And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson , and Zeppelins were not Led. And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me. We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars, And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars. And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free, And dorms were never co-Ed in the Land That Made Me, Me. We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag, And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag. And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea, And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me. T-Birds came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks, And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks. And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee, And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me. We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues, We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea, Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in the Land That Made Me, Me. There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill, And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill. And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three, And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me. But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say, And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A. They send us invitations to join AARP, We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me. So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans, And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines. And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be, Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me. If you didn't grow up in the fifties, you missed the greatest time in history. Hope you enjoyed this read as much as I did. --- ...Yeppers! Thanks LouiseA! ================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) S_______________. |BB . BB . BB . | |BB. .BB. .BB. .| |BB . BB . BB . | Golf G - - o dah dah dit |BB. .BB. .BB. .| |BB . BB . BB . | S"""""""""""""""' >New definition for SOS A C-130 Hercules was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off. The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that? The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said, 'What did you think of that?' Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?' The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.' When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing! But, when you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing! We older folks understand this one, It's called S.O.S. Slower, Older and Smarter.... --- ...HaHA! Thanks Linda! ================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Humorous Signs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns.html Fun With Nature!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html Ladies Unleashed!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html Men Will Be Boys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html Extreme Rednecks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html Why Me? Moments!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html Humor In Religion 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion2.html Life's Little Oops 12!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops12.html Gasoline Price Humor!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gasoline.html World's Best Husband!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/husbands.html Unique Designer Shoes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shoes.html Expensive Hotel Rooms!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Humor With The Troops 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humor4.html Thinkers And Their Desks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html MacGyver - How To Do It 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver4.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) She sent us ones we have here... Adopted Chimp http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adoptedchimp.html Humorous Ads 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad2.html Cycle of marriage life http://www.wimp.com/marriagelife/ Joanna Rohrback wants to help you get in shape with this hilarious exercise. Though the Florida native has been "Prancercising" for a while now, she's just gaining steam on the Web. Her video has racked up millions of views in less than a week! The video shows her doing a weird galloping move to loud music. She straps on some ankle weights and moves like a horse. Then, she encourages viewers to "get out there and have fun!" That's good advice, but you may not want to do these moves in public! Her unique style has attracted both positive and negative attention online. What do you think? Would you "Prancercise" at your local gym? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=o-50GjySwew Unbelievable Sinkholes-photos - Use the top arrow to view them http://www.nbcnews.com/id/51007724/displaymode/1247?beginSlide=1# --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Tchaikovsky waltz at Hadassa Ein Kerem Hospital http://www.youtube.com/embed/tzwWskM4hN8?rel=0 -<>- >From Our Friend Karen :) REAGAN'S NORMANDY SPEECH, D-DAY 6/6/84 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEIqdcHbc8I --- ...Sweet! Thanks Karen! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Detox Vegetable Broth | Care2 Healthy Living http://www.care2.com/greenliving/detox-vegetable-broth.html When You Have to get off the phone... http://www.sorrygottago.com/ KFC's secret to fried chicken! http://tinyurl.com/pzzfp3m Nursing Home Registry http://www.memberofthefamily.net/nursing-homes/ 50+ Greatest Hymns of All Time - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ed3Er7dUE0 --- ...Awesome! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) *A true story about 19 marines killed on an island (defending against the Japanese). They had to retreat, so asked the islanders to please bury them for us. Years later, they checked and found a man who had been a teenager then and remembered where they were buried. They sent a C130 and an honor guard over there and found all 19 had been buried with their helmets on, their rifles in their hands, in perfect condition. The islanders had really done a wonderful job. As they were loading the bodies, a voice from out of nowhere started singing The Marine Hymn"..........gave everyone goose bumps. Turns out, the voice was from a man who spoke no English but remembered a song the Marines taught him when they landed. Very touching.* This of course was WW2! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS - BE SURE YOU'RE SITTING DOWN. THIS ONE OF THOSE GESTURES FOR WHICH THERE ARE NO WORDS. Click on link below!* https://www.youtube.com/embed/C6f_FvZpm3g --- ...Quite moving. Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Dad's are born without the sympathy gene. You can break your leg, hobble into your house, and all your dad will do is look over the paper and grumble, 'Shake it off!'" --Robert G. Lee "A tornado touched down, uprooting a large tree in the front yard and demolishing the house across the street. Dad went to the door, opened it, surveyed the damage, muttered, 'Damn kids...' and closed the door." --Tom Conway "My dad's a writer. His favorite expression is 'The pen is mightier than the sword,' which I believed for a long time. Until I moved into the city, and I got into a fight with this guy. He cut me up real bad, and I drew a mustache on his face...and then I wrote him a nasty letter." --Kevin Brennan "A new study claims that women tend to let handsome men off the hook for things more easily, which is why I'm constantly apologizing." -Seth Meyers "Pizza Hut announced it will be unveiling a pizza whose crust is stuffed with hot dogs. There's no better proof that our country is back than they're jamming hot dogs into the crust of pizza. That's a sign that we, as a country, cannot be defeated." -Conan O'Brien "Apple has just announced that from now on, all new iPhones and iPads will require a six-digit passcode. You hear that, hackers? Now instead of typing '1,2,3,4' to hack into my iPhone, you're going to have to type '1,2,3,4,5,6.'" -James Corden "The biggest blockbuster of the summer is coming out, and it stars Barack Obama. It's a Disney picture called 'Honey, I Shrunk the Economy.'" -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************