Everybody Knows & More ... :) Shangy! >-->From FunnyBone: The Family's Cat |\_/| _ / x x \ _ Sometimes kids will repeat the things ("\{= Y =}/") we say, but under other circumstances, \ \\_ ^ _// / and they take on new and different \ \/*o*\/ / meanings. %#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%# <><><><><><><><><><><> A few years back a friend of a friend %#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%# was having a bridge party. Shortly jgs / //\ \ before the party was to begin, the / /|| \ \ family cat was run over and killed. (,,/ \\ \,,) Their 5 or 6 year old son hadn't seen )) it, and they didn't want to deal with (/ an upset child just before the party, %#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%# so they quietly put the body in the <><><><><><><><><><><> trash can and started the bridge party. %#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%# About half way though the party, their son walked in, holding the dead cat by his hind legs, and announced for all to hear, "Who threw away this perfectly good cat?" ====================================================================== +------------------- Bizarre Execution -------------------+ FACTS | . . |: . . . | | | .| . | | 0___ . . |. . | : . |.| `|/0___ - _ | . | : | | |`|/0___ " AIM " |. O| :: . | | |\|`|/0___ . .\ . `-. : |\,:.. : | | |||\|`|/0___ _ - .`-. ||`:: .| | ""|||\|`|/ . " U . _ `|| :.. |.| ""|||\| '. ,|| . ||;:. : | | . - ""|||\. . . `|' " "" `-. | | ""||.: _ (| . - " - `-.| | " "" \| . itz " "" " - . The last public execution in America was the hanging of a 22-year-old black man named Rainey Bethea. He was executed at Owensboro, KY, in 1936 after being convicted of killing a 70-year-old white women. Twenty thousand people showed up to witness the execution. The last person hanged in the U.S. for being a pirate was Capt. Nathaniel Gordon, in New York City on March 8, 1862. Gordon had been smuggling slaves into the US. The last person to be burned at the stake was Phoebe Harrius. Harrius was convicted of coining false money and was burned at the stake in front of Newgate Prison in England in 1786. The last public execution by guillotine was on June 17, 1939. Eugen Weidman was executed before a large crowd in Versailles, France. The last nonpublic use of the guillotine in France, at Baumetes Prison, in Marsailles, was the execution of convicted murderer Hamida Djandoubi, a Tunisian immigrant, on September 10, 1977. During WWII Private Eddie Slovik was tried by court-martial and sentenced to death for desertion. He was shot by his own unit, the 28th Infantry Division, in a small town in northeast France. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda M :) >A Classic - ^ | + | | | | | A === ________ /EEE\ |______| //EEE\\ |*( )*| ejm 97 ___//_____\\_____________|O| |O|_______ Ireland Declares War on France Jacques Chirac, the French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Mayo, Ireland. I am ringing you to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you and your country." "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next-door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused, "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army, waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again, "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighs, amused, "I must tell you, Paddy, that I .--._____, .-='=='==-, " have 6,000 tanks (O_o_o_o_o_O) fsc and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy, "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war's still on! We've managed to get ourselves airborne We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us, as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac, I'm sorry to inform you that we've had to call off the war." "Really? I'm sorry to hear that," says Chirac "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "We had a long chat over a _.._..,_,_ ( ) ]~,"-.-~~[ .=])' (; ([ | ]:: ' [ '=]): .) ([ few pints of Guinness, |:: ' | ~~----~~ Paul Martin Howard and decided there's no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners! --- ...Pretty good one - Thanks Linda! ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bob R :) >Pit Bull vs Porcupine , ,\|// /, _|="=\="=./_, ,//"\-/\"\= //_, ,\/=/,"=/ /"=`///. jgs ,\//="\'-.\"//-c_ a\ ,\\_\=_\/=\"/,)_-"\\\_=___) `/-/=//,-'`--)))`--))) A Pit-bull decided that he wanted to battle a porcupine in the back of his house in West Covina, California. But being both brave and stupid, he ultimately learned the hard way that he can't always win every fight, no matter how tough you are..... The veterinarian removed 1,347 quills from the pit-bull, and the dog actually survived! IT HURTS JUST TO LOOK AT THIS POOR OL' GUY! OOUUCCHH ! ! ! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/pit1.jpg Picture1 I don't think he'll be picking another fight anytime in the near future http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/pit2.jpg Picture2 --- ...Thanks Bob - Poor dog! Paul thinks the porcupine bit-the-dust. ====================================================================== >-->From our friend Steve :) >"Everybody Knows" O o . ()()()()()()()() ()()()()()()()()(( / )()(( | _ ()()_() ( _|__\ (_ \ ) @/ )| / ( __) ) / / \ _/ ) (_.,)\ ()) )_ ( | \_ \ \ / \ ( ' / ( __/ / ___) \___---'| \ gol You can't be all things to all people. You can't do all things at once. You can't do all things equally well. You can't do all things better than everyone else. Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's. So... You have to find out who you are, and be that. You have to decide what comes first , and do that. You have to discover your strengths, and use them. You have to learn not to compete with others, Because no one else is in the contest of "being you". Then... You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness. You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions. You will have learned to live with your limitations. You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due, And you'll be a being that's vitally alive. Dare To Believe... That you are a wonderful, unique person. That you are a once-in-all-history event. That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are. That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish. And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down. --Author Unknown -<,,>- >A Classic - Don't Step On The Ducks _ _ _ _ _ >(')____, >(')____, >(')____, >(')____, >(') ___, (` =~~/ (` =~~/ (` =~~/ (` =~~/ (` =~~/ jgs~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~^`---'~^~^~ Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, .=""=. / \ | 6 6 | ( <> ) .'-..-'. .' `. / | | \ but I stepped on a duck!" /_.'\ /'._\ _`|--|`__ jgs \__\ /__/ ----- ..Still funny! Thanks Steve! ====================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: I've been receiving a steady stream of email from Ren and Stimpy fans, and every single one of them say the same thing, while the Log Song, and the Muddy Mudskipper theme, and Don't Wiz on the Electric Fence are all clever and imaginative, the best Ren and Stimpy song is clearly the celebrated "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song! So here, without further ado, is that famous anthem from Ren & Stimpy... .-"-. * ( + / \ . ) ) ) |# | ( * . ( . \___/ . + .-"-. * /^ + ( / \ ) ( .-"-. ) + . |# | ( * / \ ( ) \___/ ) ( |# | ( ' * /^ ) \___/ ( * ' ( ^\ * ' . \ , , , , , ' \ + Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Weaselteats. This is a song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy! That's right! It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song! [chorus] Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy! I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again! [chorus] If'n you ain't the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature... They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you believe me?! [chorus without last line] Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy! By the way, if you'd like to hear the original I have it on the Clean Laffs page at: www.cleanlaffs.com. -<>- Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the Sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Put an ad in the personals column." he suggested. -<>- A blonde is on board a small two- seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams. Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First, I need you to give me your height and position." "I'm 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!" -<>- After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed. "Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone. "Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed." "This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?" "I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss. "It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed." -<>- A woman went on a tour of the White House. As the guide led her down one of the historic halls, a door burst open and a large aquatic sea mammal, balancing a beach ball on its nose, scurried past. "My, what was that?" exclaimed the woman. "Oh, that's just the Presidential Seal," replied the guide. ============================================================ >-->In the Worldly News: >From LifeScript: The Birth Order-Love Life Connection Would you believe your love life was largely shaped the day you were born? Birth order plays a powerful role in who we become – and how we love. Understanding it can provide the key to a better relationship with your partner. We asked Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book, for the inside scoop on how being an oldest, middle, youngest, or only child influences your romantic relationships… Visit here for more: http://tinyurl.com/2u2uqz Birth Order Connection -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Hoarding mailman too lazy to deliver ------------ ..--""| | | | .---' (\-.--| |---------. / \) \ | | \ |:. | | | | |:. | |o| | |:. | `"` | |:. |_ __ __ _ __ / `""""`""|=`|"""""""` |=_| jgs |= | JESSHEIM, Norway - A mailman in Jessheim, Norway, who just didn't feel like delivering the mail, stashed two weeks worth of letters, bills and tax returns in his house. When the Posten Norge service received complaints from people expecting tax returns and other important items, inspectors visited the home of the unidentified mail carrier and found mounds of undelivered mail, the Romerikes Blad newspaper reported. The service's information director, Line Fredriksen, told the newspaper that staff had picked up the entire load and was sorting it again for delivery. He said for the time being, the carrier's neglect was being treated as a personnel issue, as it didn't appear theft was the motive. However, he said criminal charges had not been ruled out. -- Zoo gets polar bear cub death threat ------------- `-.___________,-._______,-"~-. \ ,~``'`'c; \ ,{ {~\ " ) `,}`;} `^ /; ~` ~` / [ / {`)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -='"'"-~`;-._ __,~` ;/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / / \ `-~`-,_____> / }~~~~~~~~,=-<7\~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ \ \ / \~~~~~~~/ / (~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` \ '~~~~~~~~~~~~` ~ ' ~~~~~~ dew BERLIN - The Berlin Zoo has received a death threat against the international celebrity polar bear cub named Knut, whose mother abandoned him at birth. The Sun of London reported Thursday that the zoo received a fax on Wednesday that said: "Knut dead. Thursday noon." Police were called immediately and the little bear's enclosure was thoroughly searched. While zoo staff was more vigilant Wednesday and Thursday morning, police spokesman Michael Maass denied Knut was under police guard. However, extra police were sent to the zoo in the afternoon as German President Horst Koehler opened a new exhibit, the report said. As many as 15,000 people line up to see Knut in two viewings each day. The bear has appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair, and has his own blog and a television show documenting his mother's rejection and hand rearing by zookeepers. -<>- >from CoffeeBreak: _.--. .-"`_.--.\ .-.___________ ."_-"` \\ ( 0;------/\"'` ,."=___ =)) \ \ / \ `~` .=`~'~) ( _/ / / \ =`---====""~`\ _/ / \ `-------"` / \ jgs / \ ( ) '._ _.' '----' Eco-friendly diapers now flushable A new flushable diaper is being marketed in the United States as good for the environment. gDiapers can be flushed away but even if they are dropped in the trash, they biodegrade in 150 days compared to 500 years for a plastic diaper. The wet diapers can also be used for compost, The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette said Wednesday. gDiapers consist of outer pants with a Velcro closure, snap-in nylon liners and flushable pads. The used pads are removed from the liner and flushed. The outer pants and nylon liners are washed and reused. The gDiapers system has been in use in Australia and Tasmania for 18 years, the newspaper said. The company said the product made its U.S. debut last spring and by November had sold a million diapers. ============================================================== >-->From Our friend DancinGirl :) Please send this on ASAP!!! Ever wonder about the abbreviation A.S.A.P.? Generally we think of it in terms of even more hurry and stress in our lives. Maybe if we think of this abbreviation in a different manner, we will begin to find a new way to deal with those rough days along the way. ************* _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ A.S.A.P. There's work to do, deadlines to meet; You've got no time to spare, But as you hurry and scurry- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER In the midst of family chaos, "Quality time" is rare. Do your best; let God do the rest- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER. It may seem like your worries Are more than you can bear. Slow down and take a breather- ASAP - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER God knows how stressful life is; He wants to ease our cares, And He'll respond to all your needs A.S.A.P. - ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER. *************** My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this to people you want to be blessed. I passed it on to more than 4, I'm sure you can too. God bless and have a wonderful day! Of all God's creation You are 'Very Special' God Bless You ---- ...Lovely - Thanks DancinGirl! ================================================================= >-->From The Jokester: AN Et-Ahem - Priest in Airport Customs A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next! -<>- A Pope and a Lawyer Once a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven. God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope. Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman. "Mr. God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked. "Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer." ================================================================ >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: I know you think the jokes are great, some of you have been reading them since I began this effort in 1998. But do all your friends, family, and coworkers know about them? Don't keep it secret, spread the word. - Forward occasional issues to your friends - Suggest to your friends that they visit htttp://www.screamofthecrop.com Your continuing support is greatly appreciated. -<>- __/\"""""""""""""\__ |\__/""""""""""""""\_\ \|__ [][][][][][][] __| -shimrod \______________/ “Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night." -<>- Two Blondes with Hammers.... T \`. T | T .--------------.___________) \ | T ! | |//////////////|___________[ ] ! T | ! `--------------' ) ( | ! mn '-' ! Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" =============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) {AOL And Others May Have To Copy & Paste these Links} Cops: Real Weed Bust http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/weedbust.html Chalk Art http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/chalkart.html Funny Video Stuff... Life's Door! http://pascalcampion.com/door.swf PG - Shoe Soul Store! http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/06/shoesouls.swf -<>- >From our friend Becky :) 3 Year Old and Monsters (VIDEO) http://www.1funny.com/monsters.shtml Dog Lesson http://www.1funny.com/doglesson.shtml Bad Job http://www.1funny.com/badjob.shtml -<>- >From LynnLynns Links Somewhere In Time Via Dianne http://www.greatdanepro.com/somewhere%20in%20time/index.htm 747 vs. Truck http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyMGLjo6Ojo Greatest Engineering Achievements of the Twentieth Century http://www.greatachievements.org/ How Braille Works http://people.howstuffworks.com/braille.htm To subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com -<>- >From MouthPiece: THE DIALECTIZER The Dialectizer takes text or other web pages and instantly creates parodies of them! Try it out by selecting a dialect, then entering a URL or English text. You can translate text into Redneck, Jive, Cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, Moron, Pig Latin, or Hacker! Visit: THE DIALECTIZER TV Theme Song Quiz 2 Get your nostalgia on once more by turning up your speakers and taking a soundbite stroll down Theme Song Lane. Visit: TV Theme Song Quiz 2 =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Stocks plunged again Friday, suffering their worst day since 2005 and third-straight triple-digit loss for the Dow Jones Industrial average. On the bright side, your Social Security money isn't in there yet." --Amy Poehler "Well now the pope's election is over, at least we won't have to put up with any more of those negative cardinal campaign commercials." --Jay Leno "Good news for out-of-towners. Crime in New York City is at an all time low. The bad news is that it's our leading industry." --Dave Letterman "I asked this one girl out and she said, 'You got a friend?' I said yes, she said, 'Then go out with him'" --Dom Irrera "I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." --Joseph Blosephina "I have a detached retina. Actually, it's not detached. It's more emotionally unavailable." --Nick Arnette "I talked about this last night. John Edwards got a $400 haircut. Now the latest is, Hillary Clinton may have spent $200 getting her back waxed." - Jay Leno "Spring is horrible for allergies. Doubly bad here in the city because we have to deal with rat dander." - David Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - YabbaDabbaDooo :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Subscribe ************************************************************************ >TO UNSUBSCRIBE: Remove ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES IN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or yyou'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************ --Want TIPS to help TEACH A CHILD TO BE SAFEE and STOP ABDUCTIONS? Child Help ************************************************************************ --PHYSICIAN FORMULAS = THE BEST PLACE TO GETT IT: Wanta know more? >Visit their Web Site: PhysicianFormulas ************************************************************************ PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS They keep our service "priceless" -->LET'S Have FUN and Do Some SHOPPING!! We've got patches, Phones, Almonds, and Chains, Furniture, Chocolates, Cheese, and Games. Clothing, flowers, dishes, and shoes, Desserts, Cherished Teddies, and Auto Tools. We've got NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA, Disney, Name a star, Movies, and KinKade. Jewelry, furs, leather, and lighting, Music, instruments, and magazines at best pricing. >Beat The Crowds - Let Your MOUSE Do the Walking! :) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/yellow.html Get It Here ***********************************************************************