FDA Alert, SMILES & More ... :) Shangy! >-->From The Emergency Email: FDA Alerts Consumers to Unsafe, Misrepresented Drugs Purchased Over the Internet... http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=176&z=1 The Emergency Email & Wireless Network http://www.emergencyemail.org NewsEmergency.com ---- Now On To Our Regularly Scheduled SMILES ---- >-->From the FunnyBone: Bumper Stickers For Homemakers -A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen And This Kitchen Is Delirious ________ .==== -No Husband Has Ever Been Shot [________>< :=== While Doing The Dishes '==== ________ ___,,,,,,, -A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out [________>__________\ The Trash And Gives The Impression He Just Cleaned The Whole House ________ .==. jgs [________>c((_ ) -If we are what we eat, then '==' I'm easy, fast, and cheap. _.:::::._ -A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. .:::'_|_':::. /::' --|-- '::\ -Thou shalt not weigh more than thy |:" .---"---. ':| refrigerator. |: ( O R E O ) :| |:: `-------' ::| -Blessed are they who can laugh at them- \:::.......:::/ selves for they shall never cease to be jgs':::::::::::' amused. `'"""'` -A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life -Help Keep the Kitchen Clean - Eat Out -Housework Done Properly Can Kill You -Countless Number Of People Have Eaten In This Kitchen and Gone On To Lead Normal Lives -My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines. +------------------------- Bizarre Criminals -------------------------+ In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it was carrying potato chips instead. In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny dye capsule exploded, blowing a hold in his trousers. In 1998, a would be Texas grocery store robber tried to disguise his face with a balaclava, however, he failed to remove a laminated badge which bore his name, place of employment and position from his breast pocket. Police had no difficulty catching a man who stole a barge on the River Thames in 1972. There was a dock strike on that day and his was the only craft moving. The defense attorney for Tyrone Jerrols of Houston, Texas, who was facing charges of murder, filed a motion to prevent the use of Jerrol's nickname, claiming it would prejudice the jury. Jerrol's nickname is "Hitman." ================================================================= >-->From TheJokester: ____ ____ .-" "-. .-" "-. / `. .' \ | (`-"-`) | | /'Y'\ | ; __\_^_/__ ; \ ()_ >o< _() / `\ ) : ( /' `\ / /-\ \ /' `\ ()/ \() /' jgs `\ /' `\ /' `\ /' Y Valentine LeftOvers What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card? A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!" What did the painter say to her boyfriend? "I love you with all my art!" What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? He gives it a valenshine! What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? "I've got a crutch on you!" Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank? It was a case of guppy love. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts! What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny! What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? "Be my valenstein!" What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hogs and kisses! Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day! Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental! What did the paper clip say to the magnet on Valentine's Day? "I find you very attractive." What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day? A hug and a quiche! What did one pickle say to the other? "You mean a great dill to me." Why do valentines have hearts on them? Because kidneys would look pretty gross! What did one light bulb say to the other? "I love you a whole watt!" What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses! What did the bat say to his Valentine? "You're fun to hang around with." What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? "I'm sweet on you!" Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love! What did the elephant say to his Valentine? "I love you a ton!" What would you get it you crossed a blonde with the God of love? A stupid cupid! Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine? She didn't suit his taste! ===================================================================== >-->From the MouthPiece: Gas Prices vs ? .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] What if you were to buy a gallon of . . . 1. - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon 2. - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon 3. - Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon 4. - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon 5. - Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon 6. - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon 7. - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon 8. - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon 9. - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon 10. - Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon 11. - Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon ================================================================== >-->From Our friend Steve :) To all my "sweet taters !!!" Click here: TO Y'ALL THE "SWEET TATERS" ... http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/sweettators/ -<..>- |--''' You are here: :-) | | .'': | V .-""""-.' .---. .----. .-"""-. | _ _. ." .' ". ..." "... ." ". ." ". |-- o (_) (_) () : .' : '..:.......:..' : : o : : | : .' : '.....' '. .' '. .' | .'.'. .' `''''` `'''''` | '' `````` I KNOW God won't give me anything I can't handle... I just WISH He didn't trust me SO much! -<,,>- Deep Thoughts: z z Z .--. Z Z / _(c\ .-. __ | / / '-; \'-'` `\______ \_\/'/ __/ ) / ) | \--, | \`""`__-/ .'--/ /--------\ \ \\` ///-\/ / /---;-. '-' jgs (________\ \ '-' I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious at the same time. -<**>- >A Woman's Poem He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard... Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked the heck out of him... Like his mother used to do ==================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From American Family Association: House of Representatives set to vote on 'hate crimes' g iving homosexuals special rights ... Here is a partial list of what homosexual activists are trying to force on every American. While HR 254 will not, in and of itself, accomplish these goals, it will open the door to such regulations. Once the elephant gets its trunk under the tent, the way is open for the elephant to move inside and do whatever he wants. * Preaching that homosexuality is a sin from the pulpit will result in the preacher being charged with “hate speech.” * Churches will have their tax-exempt status revoked if they oppose homosexuality. * Homosexual marriage will be legalized and recognized in all states. * Polygamy will be legalized. * Landlords will be forced to rent to homosexuals. * Scouts, and all non-profit organizations, will be required to hire homosexuals as leaders. * Biblical language used to define homosexuality will be considered “hate speech.” City officials have already had a billboard removed in Long Island, NY, because it was classified as “hate speech.” The billboard read: “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.” (Leviticus 20:13) Visit Here for the More... http://www3.capwiz.com/afanet/issues/alert/?alertid=9395716 AFA -<>- >From BizarreNews: ,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___ ((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __ () \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|-- ((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt -- Woman Sings 979 Songs and Then Collapses --------- SEOUL, A South Korean woman sang 979 songs and set an unofficial world record before collapsing of exhaustion. Kim Seok-ok sang for 59 hours, 48 minutes, beating by 36 minutes the world record set last year by a German man, Yonhap said. A Guinness Book of World Records observer was on hand, but had not yet declared Kim's record official. As Guinness rules allow, she rested 10 minutes each hour. Before the event, Kim told local reporters she entered to encourage her husband, who has a brain tumor, Yonhap reported. --- Dog's Ear Super-Glued On ------------------ GIG HARBOR, Wash. - A Washington state dog groomer, who allegedly used Superglue to reattach a shi tzu's ear after cutting it off, may face criminal charges. Anni Sherrifius of Gig Harbor told KIRO-TV that she only realized how her dog had been mutilated when she tried to wash what appeared to be dirt from its ear. The dog, Jasimine, was treated for an infection resulting from the cut. The television station said that the dog-grooming company appears to have closed and Pierce County sheriff's investigators are trying to determine what laws might have been broken. "Once they tried to hide it and glued the ear back on, that's not good for the dog," Detective Ed Troyer told KIRO. "There are all kinds of things that can happen... It's cruelty to animals." -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: _A .'`"`'. / , , \ | <\^/> | | < (_) >| /====\ (.--._ _.--.) |\ -`\- /| |(_.- >-.)| \__.-'^'._/ |\ . / _.'\ '----'|'-. _.-' O ;-.__.' \O `o. /o \ \/-.-\/| \ jgs| ;, '.|\| / Ellison's office calls cops on neighbor Rep. Keith Ellison, a freshman Democrat from Minnesota, seems to have gotten off on the wrong foot with his Republican neighbor on Capitol Hill. The Hill says Ellison's office called the Capitol Hill Police last week because Rep. Tom Tancredo, R-Colo., was smoking a cigar in his congressional office on the first floor of the Longworth House Office Building. Tancredo, who has never met Ellison, called the incident "bizarre." "Seemed to me not a good way to say hello," he told The Hill. Rick Jauert, Ellison's press secretary, said he called the building superintendent's office when he noticed the smoke and was referred to the Capitol Hill Police. "I called because the smoke was coming through the walls," Jauert told the Hill. Tancredo said he has three air purifiers in is office. Historical inflation deflates millionaires British research has found that due to erosion from inflation, it would take $84 million today to maintain the lifestyle of a millionaire a century ago. The Independent on Sunday reported that research has found that if an individual wanted to have nearly $2 million in 1907, he or she would need to have nearly $168 million today to compensate for inflation. The study found that in Britain before World War I, an individual could live like a modern millionaire by only having a net worth of nearly $23,000. The newspaper said the findings from the Clerical Medical study suggest inflation significantly reduces monetary value over time and such trends would likely continue over the next 50 years. "The value of 1 million pounds ($1.95 million) will be reduced significantly further over the next 50 years, even if inflation is kept firmly under control," Clerical Medical official Rob Devey said. "While 1 million pounds is no longer enough to fund a lavish lifestyle, it can still go a long way with careful financial planning." Man uses tick excuses to pinch butts A Mukwonago, Wis., man is in trouble for allegedly using bogus claims of ticks to pinch women's rears. Michael F. Knurr, 39, was charged with five counts of fourth-degree sexual assault for incidents in Muskego, New Berlin and Waukesha, Wis., last year, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported. The criminal complaint filed Tuesday details one incident involving the tree service owner in which he told his female client there was a tick on her rear. When the alarmed woman said to get it off, Knurr allegedly lowered her shorts a bit, pinched her buttock and said, "I got it." However, the woman told police there was no tick in Knurr's hand. Knurr's first court appearance is set for Feb. 26. ================================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. ______.--------. /' \ /'\ \ ..-'\()'\ .'''. ./' | .' / \..} '\. / { /' '\ \ {------' .' '. '| \ . | \ | '\_____/ | | | / | | | .' | | | | | | | | | | | | | \ | One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ulti- mately led to television...and later to the remote control. --Dave Berry -<>- A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and instructs the guy to hit him as hard as possible on the head. The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block. The man shrugs his shoulders and takes a mighty swing. Three years later, the magician wakes up from a coma in the hospital and goes.... "Taa-Daa!" -<>- A frantic guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Buddy, please, can you loan me a hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident and I need to get her to the hospital." The stranger says, "If you so desperately need a hundred dollars, what are you doing in a casino?" The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money." -<>- My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to a Catholic church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in this case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, "God will get you!" ================================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: Diagnosis ========= Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" -<>- >THE FISH TANK asi..Christian Voices At their school carnival, our kids won four free goldfish (lucky us!), so out I went Saturday morning to find an aquarium. The first few I priced ranged from $40 to $70. Then I spotted it-right in the aisle: a discarded 10-gallon display tank, complete with gravel and filter-for a mere five bucks. Sold! Of course, it was nasty dirty, but the savings made the two hours of clean-up a breeze. Those four new fish looked great in their new home, at least for the first day. But by Sunday one had died. Too bad, but three remained. Monday morning revealed a second casualty, and by Monday night a third goldfish had gone belly up. We called in an expert, a member of our church who has a 30-gallon tank. It didn't take him long to discover the problem: I had washed the tank with soap, an absolute no-no. My uninformed efforts had destroyed the very lives I was trying to protect. Sometimes in our zeal to clean up our own lives or the lives of others, we unfortunately use "killer soaps"-condemnation, criticism, nagging, fits of temper. We think we're doing right, but our harsh, self-righteous treatment is more than they can bear. ================================================================= >-->The Cameron Column # 191 A FREE Internet Newsletter brought to you by W. Bruce Cameron in a pathetic attempt to draw attention to himself. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Tennis Lessons for my Son . |\ |X\ XX\ _ O_/ XX\ o (#)==_/\ XX\ /\/ XX\ / XX\. XX| ejm97 X| Copyright 2003 W. Bruce Cameron I am something of a natural-born tennis player--meaning, I play like someone who has never had lessons. I'm also blessed with a superb athletic ability, so that even though I go a decade without setting foot on a tennis court, when I pick up a racket I'm instantly as good as when I played for the very first time. My 15-year-old son decided this summer that he wanted to take up the sport, and asked me if I would give him some lessons. "Sure," I responded with enthusiasm, "how about next month sometime?" Kids nowadays are into "instant gratification," so he seemed to feel waiting an entire month was too much to ask. He even accused me of "doing nothing" at that moment, even though he could clearly see I was involved in getting comfortable on the hammock. A nurturing and involved parent, I decided to forego my nap and drive my son down to the neighborhood courts for a lesson or two, because that's just the kind of dad I am and also because my daughter baked some cookies for us to take along. Once we had stationed ourselves on either side of the net and began tapping the ball back and forth, it was immediately clear that my son had been practicing. In fact, one of his shots came directly at me with such speed it was all I could do to dodge out of the way. "Hey," I shouted, "you made me drop my cookie!" "Why didn't you hit it back instead of ducking?" he taunted. (Remember, he doesn't understand how to play the game.) "Let's just do a set," I suggested. Sometimes, the big dog has to remind the little dog who runs the herd. I cranked up and fired a bullet, my serve sizzling through the air so fast it fried the fuzz right off the ball. "Net," he called for some reason. I took pity on him and tapped the next one more softly. "Out," he shouted. "Look, do you want to play or not?" I demanded. Apparently my next serve was to his liking, as he returned it to my forehand--initiating the following exchange between my brain and my body. Memo To: Feet From: Brain Subject: Get Moving! Dear Feet, we are here and the ball is over there. Move! Reply Memo To: Brain From: Feet Dear Brain, in receipt of your memo, referenced above. Please explain "ball" and why we should care about same. Reply Reply Memo To: Feet From: Brain Would you please just get going? We can debate this later! I put everything I had into my lunge, moving faster than Tiger Woods at NASCAR. Unfortunately the tennis ball was in some way flawed, bouncing out of my reach in a most defective fashion. "My point!" my son called gaily. I accepted this gratuitous comment with typical good sportsmanship. "You're not supposed to swear," he advised me. My son is at the age where he improves 80% with every stroke, whereas I am at the age where there was an 80% chance I would HAVE a stroke. After ten minutes of chasing back and forth trying to return his woefully misdirected shots, I tossed the ball up and walloped it, sending it soaring over the fence and into the weeds. "Go get it," I wheezed. "Why?" "Those are the rules," I told him. "But you did that on purpose!" "Hey, have you read the rule book? No. Have I? Yes. Now go get the ball." "Aren't you going to play any more?" "No, I'm going to lie down. I'm having internal bleeding. Are there any more cookies?" Grumbling, he went off to search for the ball. I gazed up at the sky and made a mental note to complain to the homeowner's association about the presence of a tennis court in our neighborhood. I mean, what kind of thing is that to have in a place where there are children around? -- Write to the author at bruce@wbrucecameron.com The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 2003 http://www.wbrucecameron.com/ ==================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: Important NEWS Shara has a chapter in a book coming out soon. It’s a writers’ handbook, “How I Got the Gig -- Fifteen Writers Tell How They Get Paying Gigs and How YOU Can Too!” Retail cost is $14.95. I am taking advance orders for autographed copies at $13. each, including the shipping! I must have the order paid by Feb. 26. To order, send $13 per copy (no limit on number of copies) via www.Paypal.com to screamofcrop@cfl.rr.com OR if sending a check email me at that address to ask my mailing address. After FEB. 26, the books will be retail price. I will sign and ship books when I get them April 1. Thanks, Shara ----- ...Cool! On my birthday! -<>- Understanding Engineers - Take One Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." +++++++ Understanding Engineers - Take Two To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. +++++++ Understanding Engineers - Take Three A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" +++++++ Understanding Engineers - Take Four Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. +++++++ Understanding Engineers - Take Five An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, o-o /,_,\ ,Mm/_\mM, fsc now that's cool." -<>- Q. How did Chicago come to be known as the "Windy City"? , (`-.-/( .:::::., `-.__) ``:\:: . /7_.-, '. -. - - `:::' .- ( `_.= \ `--._ / _?'` ___.-' -`"' \ - / )----'''' - .-' `--.. `--' ,' .-' `\ --' )---'' ) ) | _| ( \ L / | \ )__ _ \ \ `---' `--' L \ | \ \ \ L ) L_ ( \ | \ . J a:f | `. \ _.-`--=' \ ) ( _-' `--'\ '"' / ' J (,_./ A. Chicago's average wind speed of 10.3 miles per hour has nothing to do with it. In 1893, Chicago hosted the World's Columbian Exposition, honoring the 400th anniversary of Columbus landing in the New World. The hidden agenda of the fair was to show off the city's accomplishments in architecture and city planning. The city politicians' claims were so boastful that a New York City newspaper editor nicknamed Chicago the "Windy City." ================================================================ >-->From JokeCentral: An Et-Ahem! Different Thought On Life.... The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first and get it all over with. Then you live in an old folks home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch. You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating... Then, you finish off as an orgasm. I like it. Whadaya think? -<>- >How a man can commit suicide OR ,-------. / ,' `. ,--' ,' `. ,-;-- _.- pow! / \ ---;-' _.=.---'' +-------------+ ; X X ---=-----'' _.------- | ----- |--| \-----=---:i- +XX|'i:'''''''' : ;`--._ ''---':---- /X+-) \ \ / / ''--._ `- .XXX|) `. `. ,' ,' ''---. X\/) `. '---' ,' `- \ `---+---' \ | \. | `-------------------+ ... AS WOMEN AGE It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation. When I chucked my job and took early retirement a year ago, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job both for extra income and for health insurance benefits that we need. She was a trained lab tech when we met thirty some years ago and was fortunate to land a job at the local medical center as a phlebotomist. It was shortly after she started working at this job that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens. Instead, I tell her to take her time. I understand that she is not as young as she used to be. I just tell her to wake me when she finally does get supper on the table. She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was younger, Nancy used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and not get tired. Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday's lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming, or dusting. Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at amore leisurely pace. Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. Not often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over to even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean. When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods than she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I overlook comments like these because I realize it's just age talking. In fact, I try to not embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep. I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm coming from. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make the effort. I realize that achieving the exemplary level of showing consideration I have attained is out of reach for the average man. However guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile. NOTE: (This was written by a deceased friend of mine. He mysteriously passed on shortly after writing this. The cause of death is still under investigation). It is not selfishness to live as you see fit. Selfishness is insisting that other people live as you see fit. -<>- Airplane Trip A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax—OH MY...!" Then silence. Soon, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and she spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" -<>- >HOW TO IMPRESS... MEN, ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. WOMEN, _____ / \ / ````` \ /|`o o'|\ /|| . ||\ |*\\ _ //*| |*/ \ / \*| // / \ \\ /(__/\___/\__)\ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |\ /| | / // \| | / // | | / / | | | /___\ | |___\ / / | | | / \ | / \ //^`, | | | // | |~~ | | HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked, and bring food ===================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: [AOL & Others may have to Copy & Pate these Links] >From InspiredBuffalo: Disturbing and Eye Opening! It is http://www.familywatchdog.us/ When you visit this site you can enter your address and a map will pop up with your house as the small icon of a house. Red, blue, green, dots will surround your entire neighborhood. When you click on these dots, a picture of a person will appear with an address and the description of the crime he or she had committed. The best thing is that you can show your children pictures and see how close these people live to your home or school. This site was developed by John Walsh from Americas Most Wanted. It is another tool to help us keep our kids safe. Please pass on . Visit our site at http://www.inspiredbuffalo.com -<>- >From The Mouthpiece: Brain Pop A health, science, technology, and animation site with activities, quizzes, projects, cartoon-based web movies on how it works. http://www.brainpop.com/ Brain Pop Starchild Explore the universe at this colorful site maintained by NASA (National Air and Apace Administration). http://starchild.gsfc.nasa.gov/docs/StarChild/StarChild.html Starchild -<>- >From Linky & Dinky: THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS to tie your shoes Mr. Fieggen illustrates them all. http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/knots.htm TV SCRIPTS! All of them. Yes. Every TV show. Mom can make the costumes, dad can build the sets, let's put on a show! http://www.script-o-rama.com/tvscript.shtml -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Drivers Via Juanita http://www.smilesr4u.com/drivers.htm A Heart For John http://max.lbbhost.com/Misc_Pages/john_mingo.html Wind Snow Rolls http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snow.html AMAZING GRACE. http://summerhoosier.250free.com/Html/AmazingGrace.html Surfin Surfari Rolling Truck 9-11 Tribute! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucking.html The Ocean's Bottom http://www.bio.psu.edu/People/Faculty/Fisher/cold_seeps/ Abandoned Buildings http://oboylephoto.com/ruins/index.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ====================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film." --Cynthia Levin "There's got to be something wrong with people who go to Star Trek conventions. I mean, I like Mary Tyler Moore, too, but I don't rent out a big hall and dress up like Rhoda." --Andy Kindler "I'm a grown woman but my father still thinks I know nothing about my car. He always asks me, 'You changing the oil every 3,000 miles?' 'Yes, Dad. I'm also putting sugar in the gas tank. That way my exhaust smells like cotton candy.'" --Mimi Gonzalez "Mitt Romney is now running for president on the Republican ticket. I really like his campaign slogan: 'Mitt Happens.'" --Jimmy Kimmel "Presidential candidate Tom Vilsack... not a lot of name re- cognition there. Be honest. Before you came here today, how many had heard the name Vilsack? How many thought it was a pickle?" -Jay Leno "I don't even know why I try. My Valentine's dinner was very embarrassing. My date, after dinner, went around the bar handing out her card." -Dave Letterman "Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function." --Unknown "Al-Qaida released another video tape from their No. 2 man. This one had a shocking revelation: "The great Satan will soon taste unspeakable suffering from our hands . . . Oh, and by the way, I am the father of Anna Nicole’s baby." --Jay Leno "When everyone is somebody then no one’s anybody." --W.S. Gilbert The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers. -- Martin Luther King, Jr. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - That's Right :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Subscribe ************************************************************************ >TO UNSUBSCRIBE: Remove ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES IN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or yyou'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************ --Want TIPS to help TEACH A CHILD TO BE SAFEE and STOP ABDUCTIONS? Child Help ************************************************************************ --PHYSICIAN FORMULAS = THE BEST PLACE TO GETT IT: Wanta know more? >Visit their Web Site: PhysicianFormulas ************************************************************************ PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS They keep our service "priceless" -->LET'S Have FUN and Do Some SHOPPING!! We've got patches, Phones, Almonds, and Chains, Furniture, Chocolates, Cheese, and Games. Clothing, flowers, dishes, and shoes, Desserts, Cherished Teddies, and Auto Tools. We've got NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA, Disney, Name a star, Movies, and KinKade. Jewelry, furs, leather, and lighting, Music, instruments, and magazines at best pricing. >Beat The Crowds - Let Your MOUSE Do the Walking! :) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/yellow.html Get It Here ***********************************************************************