Facts About Men And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ , .-'"'=;_ , |\.'-~`-.`-`;/| \.` '.'~-.` './ (\`,__=-'__,'/) _.-'-.( d\_/b ).-'-._ /'.-' ' .---. ' '-.`\ /' .' (= (_) =) '. `\ /' .', `-.__.-.__.-' ,'. `\ ( .'. V V ; '. ) ( |:: `-,__.-.__,-' ::| ) | /|`:. .:'|\ | | / | `:. :' |`\ | | | ( :. .: ) | | | | ( `:. :' ) | | | | \ :. .: / | | | | \`:. .:'/ | | ) ( `\`:. .:'/' ) ( ( `)_ ) `:._.:' ( _(` ) \ ' _) .' `. (_ ` / \ '_) / .'"```"'. \ (_` / `'"` \ ( ) / `"'` ___ jgs `.`. .'.' ___ .` ``"""'''--`_) (_'--'''"""`` `. (_(_(___...--'"'` `'"'--...___)_)_) *~* We NEED MORE 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press... , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >We Have TWO New BIBLE Teachings! I went to one of my favorite sites to do some bible studying only to find that they were again shut down. This was why I preserved some of my favorite teachings from there on my site in the first place! I've seen sites go down so often that I just don't have much confidence in sites always being available. This site has gone down a couple of times since I first found it and it seems it is down again. Fortunately my new fav site is still available so I went there. I've been struggling with understanding 'healing' according to the bible. I've been taught ... I Peter 2:24 "Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed." - meaning healing has been paid for so we oonly have to believe for it. Yet, you and I both know there is more to it then that as so many are stricken with sickness and disease that it simply cannot all be due to unbelief. I've known top church people die of cancer and other illness. Something else is going on. We all can't be so bad at believing. So, I found these two teachings that really shed more light on the subject. Because of this, I have done them up and added them so all of you may enjoy and be blessed by them too. Check them out here: Healing Part 1 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/healing1.html Healing Part 2 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/healing2.html I know I will be going over and over these to study and get them into my heart so I can finally get a grip on this subject. I encourage you to do the same. Not only for your sake but for all of your loved ones too! -<>- >We have TWO New Pages! The first one comes from a forward from our friend Viv! I'm relying on SMILES to help me deal with the loss of my beloved pet of almost 17 years. This one helped! Check it out here... I am not a crook! \ \ , | , \ / ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | Humor In Politics 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics2.html --- ...A fun One! Thanks Viv! -<>- This next one I learned about in the news and looked it up to share it with all of you sweet folks on our list. I think you'll find it interesting! .-"""-. _.---..-; :.) ;"" \/ __..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._ `-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J bug Weird Rainy Days! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html ==================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` The 5 Toughest Questions for Men 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with the possible (politically correct) responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely, is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!") Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a. Yah sure, you betcha. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on exactly what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me? Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age d. It depends on how you define pretty. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: Yes, I would. WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. (Whoops!!) ============================================================= +-------------------- Bizarre Revenge ---------------------+ After his wife left him, spurned husband Donald Niblett wrecked their home with a bulldozer, causing damage in excess of 15,000 English pounds. In 1988, an Egyptian belly-dancer paid back her unfaithful husband by going on a massive spending spree with his credit card totaling $46,000 before flying to his villa in France and smashing the place up. A married pilot dismissed his mistress from his London apartment. The young woman agreed to leave but asked for a day to pack her belongings. When he returned from an over- seas flight he found the phone off the hook. His mistress had made a long distance call to the speaking clock in Washington D.C. A housewife, distraught over her husband's unfaithfulness, decided to throw herself out of the window of their third floor apartment. She didn't realize her husband was walking beneath. She survived, he did not. ============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: >Three Types Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome, the caring and the majority. -<>- >On The Moon A retired astronaut opened an unsuccessful restaurant on the moon. The food was great, but there just was no atmosphere. -<>- >Bodybuilders Q: What do you call a bodybuilder with a big member? A: A beginner. -<>- _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` >Facts about Men Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald." Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him. If its attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. All men look nerdy in socks and sandals. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps. ____ \ \ _\___\_ / " _) ((\__-_\ / \\ /__| /\\ UUU / / | /,_/ |/|\ |__ /__\____\ gnv All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo." .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ NO SHOPPING!! /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr.. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. When four or more women get together, they talk about men. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?" If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to be close again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other." Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want to marry you...I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch:"Thanks." On the other side:"Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting." Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network. r~', . o o M Don't Spit ' ( ) F 1, _L__ ,mf``/'~~', `^p EVER! g-+-*T""99""^ , ,!"`1% # `C^11 _______wQg "! l kL 4 " ``````` T Lf !j {_ L T ] TL jM` ! ! ', ! jM ! j' y j r [' N_ W@@# "g_F "0~~p1~y#` # L "# L f j # L ! p i 1 b ]w*-! oj M N """9MMM@ (Harry) ~~~ From: "d.murray" Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men to help us get dressed! Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles. Men forget everything; women remember everything. hat's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony. All men would still really like to own a train set. ================================================================ >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >ACADEMIC PHRASES COMPLETED The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper. "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference. "A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless. "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published. "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't make any sense. "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph. "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded. "IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once. "IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice. "IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice. "IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... I think. "IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... A couple of others think so, too. "CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE" ... Wrong. "ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it. "A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess. "A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea. "IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't understand it. "AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't understand it either. "THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant. "A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee. "IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit. ============================================================ >-->From Alpha: Less Calories A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies. The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual." "Why is that?" the mother asked. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied. -<>- ,%/7\\` (/// .\\) (((( - ))) ((|)_*_/((( ))(/) (\((|) ((((\___/))(\ / ,-) (-. \ ( ( ( _ _ ) ) ) \ \ )^ ^ ^( / / ) y y ( \( )/ \_______/ >My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!" My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home." and my all time favorite thing - JUSTICE "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like." ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From John Ziegler We had Governor Sarah Palin on the program on Tuesday for a great 16 minute interview (which includes her "official" endorsement of my film "Media Malpractice") that you can hear here: http://www.mediamalpracticemovie.com/sarah-palin-interview.asp In that interview she takes on David Letterman for his outrageous comments about her and her 14 year old daughter. This led to an appearance by me on MSNBC where hilarity ensued. You can see the MSNBC video of that here: http://www.mediamalpracticemovie.com/sarah-palin-interview.asp And Rush Limbaugh spent two segments on his show declaring me the clear winner in my battle with MSNBC. You can hear Limbaugh's analysis (as well as his own endorsement of "Media Malpractice") here: http://www.mediamalpracticemovie.com/assets/audio/rush-limbaugh.html I also had Bill O"Reilly (who has also said positive things about "Media Malpractice") on my radio show on Wednesday. All of the radio shows can be heard at any time as they are archived here: http://1260.am/programming/hosts/bios/?host=26 Thanks so much for your support! Please do what you can to spread the word! All the best John Ziegler -<>- >[Politics]From Conservative outpost: Barack Obama and liberals in Congress are moving quickly to pass health care "reform" that opens the door for a national, government run health care system. And Americans must speak out now and tell Congress "NO!" as loudly as possible. Obama already laid the groundwork for this with the recent "stimulus" bill...which provided billions to study how to give us the same kind of socialized health care as Great Britain...with a "national health care board" that would decide who gets what kind of care, and when. It's all about control. Control over one-seventh of the entire US economy. Control over how we live our lives. Click here and say "NO!" http://www.conservativeoutpost.com/campaign/say_no_socialized_medicine -<>- >[Politics]From CCA: Conservative victories in Europe threaten America's Democrat Party The world conservative movement won a huge victory in Europe this past weekend because European voters rejected left-wing take-overs of businesses and huge government spending to combat the severe world-wide recession. They are rejecting the Nanny state said Glenn Beck on his show on Monday. Considering that those socialist policies are exactly what the Obama administration is forcing upon America -- with the help of an extreme left-wing United States Congress -- the European election results portend disastrous consequences for the Democrat Party in next year's congressional elections -- unless the "Blue Dog Democrats" and others with commonsense stop their party's rabidly partisan and ideological leadership. The center-right elected candidates picked up 267 seats in the European Parliament. On the other hand, the center-left politicians won only 159 seats. Daniel Hannan, conservative British Member of the European Parliament, said on the Glenn Beck Show on Fox News this past Monday that people make a mistake when they assume that liberal democracies are a permanent fixture in Europe... (Read More) http://www.cc.org/blog/conservative_victories_europe_threaten_america039s_democrat_party -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Wrong house demolished ------------------ CARROLL, Ga. - A Georgia man said he received a phone call saying the three-bedroom house his father built had been successfully demolished -- by mistake. Al Byrd said he was shocked when the Marietta demolition company told him the Carroll house, which was vacant but filled with family heirlooms, had been destroyed, the Atlanta Journal- Constitution reported. "It's just incredulous that some- thing like this can happen and no one contacts the owner," Byrd said. He said the demolition company told him the work crew's paperwork and GPS coordinates had led them to the home. He theorized the vacant house across the street was the house sought by the company. "We had heirlooms in there," Byrd said. "My mom's dining room set, her hutch with her dishes in there." -- Police: Male suspect wore purple bra ---------- SPARTA, Mich. - Police in Michigan said a man accused of taking a woman's keys and rifling through her car was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and a purple bra. The Rockford District Court heard Sparta resident Lisa Collins woke up Tuesday at about 5 a.m. and discovered her front door was open, her keys were missing and a man she recognized as neighbor Jacob Fast, 20, was going though the items in her car, The Grand Rapids (Mich.) Press reported Thursday. Court documents said Fast, who was dressed only in his boxer shorts and a purple bra, tried to kick and push officers during his arrest. He was charged with resisting arrest and home invasion. He was jailed in lieu of $20,000 bond. Fast has one prior conviction for second-degree home invasion and possession of burglary tools from 2005, court records show. -- Wife, husband both win lottery sums ------------ VILLA ROCA, Ga. - A Georgia couple said the excitement they felt at winning $5,000 in the lottery was nothing compared to the thrill of winning $1 million the next week. Karen Hill, 34, of Villa Roca, said she was pleased when her husband, Chuck, came home with a $5,000 Weekly WinFall ticket, the Atlanta Journal Constitution reported Thursday. "I never thought in a million years that I'd win anything, even the $5,000," Hill said. "So I'm still in a state of shock." However, she said the state of shock increased by a factor of 200 when she bought winning Georgia Lottery ticket for $1 million. "I was really ecstatic about the $5,000," Hill said, "but then, boom! When I got this one I was just like, 'Wow, I can't believe this. My life is going to change for the better.'" Hill said she and her husband plan to use their newfound riches to pay off their bills. -- Man enjoys lavish Bar Mitzvah while jailed --------- NEW YORK - A New York Department of Correction source says a wealthy inmate held a lavish bar mitzvah celebration for his son despite being incarcerated. The anonymous source said Tuvia Stern, jailed for perpetrating financial scams and jumping bail, celebrated his son's bar mitzvah at a New York jail with nearly 60 guests for six hours last December, the New York Post reported. "I've never seen, in my career, anything as stupid as this," the insider said of the Dec. 30 event. "It's outrageous what transpired." The source said an outside caterer brought kosher food to the jail for the event, and bar mitzvah guests were allowed to keep their cell phones despite jail rules to the contrary. The Post said the event, which has been criticiz- ed by Correction Commissioner Martin Horn, resulted in five top correction officials being disciplined Wednesday. Among those disciplined in the 2008 event was correction chaplain Rabbi Leib Glanz, who was suspended for two weeks for help- ing orchestrate the bar mitzvah in the jail's gym. ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: , , \y ,--.y/ /,---. )\ / (((\\)\ \ not now Dad! \ \\-_/ / / \ i i / (_)=(_) ) . ( /\---/\ / )-( \ / / \ \ / ," ". \ / / \ \ hjw /-) (-\ / ^! !^ \ The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone." -<>- Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves." -<>- At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. The ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a mov- ing bus and was knocked back on to the fairway. As they all stood in amazement, one man asked him, "How on earth did you do that?" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule." -<>- A one-wood golf club walks into a bar and asks the barman for a beer but the barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the club. "Because," he says, "you're the designated driver." -<>- While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow." The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!" -<>- A guy walks into a doctor's office with a strawberry growing out of his head. "What can you do for me doc? Can you remove it?" Doctor says, "I don't think that will be necessary. I'll give you some cream to put on it." -<>- ___ //))))) )))@_@) ((( = ) ))) -(_ __ / `-'\\ /,\\\` /__| )y | < \ (\_/ `.\ \ {>>>` | /`-'\____| / c \\ / (C \_ _))\ `-'-._/ \ / /\ \ / ,' `. \ / / \ \ <\_\_ \ \ `---` (_`-\_ `---' hjw An attractive young thing met her maiden aunt downtown for lunch one afternoon and during the meal, the older woman asked her niece to deposit a paycheck for her at the bank where the girl worked. On her way back from work, the girl was accosted by a purse snatcher. "Help, help," she screamed at a passing cop. "That man has taken my aunt's pay-he's taken my aunt's pay!" "OK, lady," said the cop. "Cut out the pig latin and tell me exactly what happened." -<>- >-->From AndyChaps: _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ ** The Silent "B" and the Blonde ** A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon asshe boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cockpit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...." -<>- ** No Failing Sight ** This old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asks -Sam, did you see my client commit this burglary? -Yes, said Sam , - I saw him plainly take tthe goods. The lawyer asks Sam again -Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure yousaw my client commit this crime? -Yes says Sam, - I saw him do it. Then the lawyer asks Sam -Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night? Sam says - I can see the moon, how far is that?. -<>- ____ /(( )) ( )6 6( ) (_) l (_) \ <> ) ____) (_____ ( \____/ ) ) ( )( ) ( / / \ / \ \ / / \ / \ \ \ \ )==( / / \ \ / \ / / '\\/ \//' '|\` '|\` \ / \ / ) ( jgs/akg / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ `-...., ,..-' `-..-' ** Sorry, Blondes, but just one more, Please? ** One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. God said: "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish" . "Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun. "There must be something you would have of me," said God. "Well there is one thing" she said. "Just name it," said God. "It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop." "Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely isn't there something that I could do just for you," asked God. "There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun. "Name it, please," said God. "It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel." -<>- ** Stuffed Animals ** Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who take the time to label carefully boxes they pack for us. The accuracy of labels can make a huge difference when we try to find something right away. My favorite was done by one guy who attached this sticker to a box - obviously not knowing how to spell the best one word description: "Animals you hit with a stick at a Mexican party." -<>- ** Out Of Step ** As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Going to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant. "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!" -<>- _"_ % (< ? ` " __||___ |\___//_\ (' | ') \\ __|\ , / |/ /: / \ :: \| ######o /| ######## \) ######## \ : / \: / -- %%% %% % /:\ |/|, b'ger ** The Chicago Cab Driver... He Knows ** On a visit to Chicago, I was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from our hotel. My husband obligingly hailed a cab. "The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus," he told the driver. The cabby looked over his shoulder at us. "And the gentleman?" he asked, "Does he want to go to the bank?" -<>- ** Aspirin overdose ** Jane calls the doctor, freaking out. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?" The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?" The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!" The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?" Jane says "No." "Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor. "No." says Jimmy's mom. The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?" Again Jane says "No." "Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor. "No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin... shouldn't I do something?" To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache." -<>- ** Do You Know Me ** (Andy Says ... One of my favorites) A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby- sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!" -<>- ** The High Cost Of Living ** A woman went shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high, and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother?" -<>- ** Words Of Wisdom ** (An Inspirational Just For You) "God rarely gives you a sign that you are on the right track, until after you have stepped out on faith! Because that's what faith is ... believing in God's Power, believing in His Word, believing every promise that He has made! In His Wisdom, God knows that it doesn't build your faith if He gives you a written road map for each and every thing you do. He wants you to believe in Him, not in signs, or wonders, or yourself. He wants you to step out on faith alone ... knowing that He is there, with you, always." ====================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Chainsaw Wood Carving http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcarving.html Chalk Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart2.html Tech Horror Stories http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html Bear Playground http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearplay.html Disney Charactewr Bushes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneybush.html Hiking In China http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html -<>- >From Our Friend Jo Ann :) Somewhere Listening http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML8/Somewhere-Listening.html Birth Verse - Scripture Verse for your Birthday http://www.birthverse.com/mybirthverse.cfm Can you remember these??? http://www.billsretroworld.com/RETROLIFE.HTM --- ...Teehee! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Add Watermarks to Images On-line http://www.watermark.ws/ Find Restaurants With Kids Specials http://www.kidsmealdeals.com/home Search Recipes By Ingredients On Hand http://www.recipepuppy.com/ Watch Multiple Videos At Once http://youflow.finnrudolph.de/ Find Local Gas Prices Online http://www.gasbuddy.com/ Reserve Your Parking Spot at Airports On - line http://www.aboutairportparking.com/ Taxi Fare Calculator http://www.worldtaximeter.com/ Trace Calls From Unknown Numbers http://www.everycall.us/ --- ...Great!! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Wave Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/waveart.html Primary Games http://www.primarygames.com/ Aesop's Fables http://www.pacificnet.net/~johnr/aesop/aesophca.html Online Dictionary with Pictures http://blachan.com/shahi/ Domaci Mazlicek http://www.buffaloschips.com/012118.htm Drum Girls http://www.buffaloschips.com/012119.htm Escape Rescue http://www.buffaloschips.com/012120.htm Ever See A Snake Yawn http://www.buffaloschips.com/012121.htm Faryl Smith Britain's Got Talent http://www.buffaloschips.com/012122.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane. -- Smiley Blanton I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts. -- John Steinbeck "Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name 'Bzjxxllwcp' is pronounced Jackson." -Mark Twain "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with much force." -Dorothy Parker "When you're eight years old nothing is your business." -Lenny Bruce "Scientists are now saying that children under the age of two should not watch television. Apparently, it delays language development. But I say, keep watching, kids. Keep watching." --Jimmy Fallon "According to a survey by Playboy magazine, three percent of women can't remember their natural hair color. You know what you call these women? Blondes." -Jay Leno "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." --Gene Perret "If you find yourself loving any pleasure more than your prayers, any book better than the Bible, any house better than the house of the Lord, any table better than the Lord's table, any person better than Christ, or any indulgence better than the hope of heaven - be alarmed." - Thomas Guthrie >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************