Fast Approaching 9-11 And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! (>, oo / 8 "} > @ < |`.8 .-._/| `-.'`')`_.' ) / / |__, | ( / .' , / `._/ '`- \| -- -`' - --- VK/ejm I'm doing the 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed by another 'Shangrala' Angel! Michael Taylor has joined forces to help Keep Shangrala Alive with a sweet donation! He along with our other angels for the year help keep the web site 'Shangrala' alive even during high traffic times! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >TWO HOT OFF THE 'Shangy' Press... The hottest one is from a forward from our friend Jo Ann. This one struck an 'awe and ooo' nerve. I especially liked it when I first saw it so knew I'd be doing it up very soon. Check it out here... . _ . .__ . . __,--' (_) ' /__\ __,--' ' . ' . '| o|' [IIII]`--.__ | | `--.__ | :| `--.__ | | `--.__ ._,,.-,.__.'__`.___.,.,.-..,_.,.,.,-._..`--..-.,._.,,._,. unknown Lighthouses Of The World http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lighthouses.html This second one comes from a forward from our friend Sandi. With our electronic media these days, this one is so important to heighten our awareness that I just couldn't resist doing it up! Check It Out here... PLEASE NOTE: This is CORRECTED From Sunday. I accidently gave the link for Identity Theft #1 instead of our newest one... Identity Theft #2 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/identitytheft2.html Thank You Sandi for this fun one! I loved it! -<>- >A COMMENT From our Friend Andy :) ____... .-"--"""".__ `. | ` | ( `._....------.._.: ) .()'' ``(). ' () .==' `=== `-. . ) ( g) ) ) / J ( |. / . ( $$ (. (_'. , )|` || |\`-....--'/ ' \ /||. \\ | | | / / \. //||(\ \`-===-' ' \o. .//7' |) `. -- / ( OObaaaad888b. (<<. / | .a888b`.__.'d\ OO888888888888a. \ Y' | .8888888aaaa88POOOOOO888888888888888. \ \ | .888888888888888888888888888888888888b | | .d88888P88888888888888888888888b8888888. b.--d .d88888P8888888888888888a:f888888|888888b 88888b 888888|8888888888888888888888888\8888888 I have just read of Jewele's giving up smoking. I was a smoker for many many years and had tried everything over those years to stop smoking. I was told about a book by a friend so I went and bought it. I stopped smoking after reading it and everyone that I've since told about this book has stopped smoking. There is no cravings, no weight gain, just freedom from the addiction. The book is titled - "THE ONLY WAY TO STOP SMOKING, PERMANENTLY", by Allen Carr. Here is the key to the prison door. Andy. --- _ |_| | |_/ _ _ (_) _ | | | (` \) . | \ (` (` |) (_ (_) ,-.(_) | o o o / | `-' _ (_) * .|, * O -x- '|` \ \ |// | * ( %%%)%%%/%%% % -+- O _ %\%%%%%%%%(%%%%%/ | %%%%%%%%%%)%%%)%(%%\ _ %%/ __^_ _^__ \%%% (_) _|_ ) |"\=(((@))=((@)))=/"|% | ( %\_( ,`--'(_)`--'. )_/ % \ ) /%%( /______I______\ )% ) ) , _/%%%%\\\_|_|_|_|_|_///%%% ,----.-._ ( / %% %%\ `|_|_|_|_|' /%\%%\ / __ `.``. \( -%% %%%%`---.___,---'%%%% ) / / _`.__))))____` ( %% % %% \ ( @)__,._ :%## % % \ .' )`-----.%## / `' ,' Stef ...Thank You Andy! We are especially looking for any good tips that have proved to work! I myself didn't want to drag the pain out any longer then I had to! It took me 7 days to end an over 30 year hard core addiction to smoking. Once I was done, I was done. That was February 2000. Even now after over 9 years, I have had no desire whatsoever to go back to smoking. In fact, I can't stand the thought of it. Too Gross. Here is what I did if you'd like to try it... HOW TO QUIT SMOKING! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/quitsmoking.html -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >-->Awesome News From Our Friends At www.TruthOrTradition.com: Thank you for your continued support of Spirit & Truth Fellowship International. We are working hard to glorify God and His wonderful Son by spreading the Good News around the world. In that light, we thought you would like to see some of the outreach that is occurring via our free online audio teachings... The newest Network News in now available online at: http://www.STFonline.org/news Is God in Control of Everything That Happens? http://www.truthortradition.com/audio http://www.STFonline.org/podcast As you can see when you glance over the list below, we are reaching many people in the United States as well as overseas. It is especially gratifying to be reaching people who would simply have no access to the Word of God that we are teaching if it was not available for free on the Internet. Thank you for working with us to spread the Gospel! May God bless you, John Schoenheit, Dan Gallagher, and the Home Office Staff Audio teachings downloaded by country for August 2009 United States 18,924 audio downloads China 7,397 Canada 990 Australia 461 South Africa 458 Great Britain 372 Singapore 231 Germany 206 Philippines 190 Belgium 160 Russian Federation 157 Mexico 101 Sweden 91 Netherlands 83 New Zealand 80 Denmark 68 Malaysia 67 Latvia 62 European country 58 Brazil 52 El Salvador 45 Hong Kong 43 France 38 Japan 35 Indonesia 32 (there are more but we needed to cut this off someplace) So far in September our newest teaching of the month, Is Everything That Happens God's Will, has been played all over the globe 520 times in just 5 days. China is still coming in 2nd so far this month. United States 4828 (audio downloads in 6 days) China 1458 Canada 255 Australia 188 Since we started tracking our audio teachings in mid February, we have had over 167,000 downloads. Thank you for making this possible! We sure love you. -<>- >-->We Are Fast Approaching The Anniversary of 9 11 W __ __ [ ] |::||::| 3 ._. |::||::| ._. /| |:| ._. |::||::| |/| \|// / |:|_|/| |::||::|_ |/| -( )-| |:|"|/|_|::||::|\|_|/| _ J V | |:|"|/|||::||::|\|||/||:| ___ ' / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \ \/ | ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ >In Loving Memory For WE SHALL NEVER FORGET! Were Was God? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/where.html Freedom Isn't Free http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html Lest We Forget #1 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget.html Lest We Forget #2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget2.html HERO! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hero.html Why My Son? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/why.html Rolling Memorial http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/trucking.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html Hero's Truck http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html Daily With The Troops #1 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily.html Daily With The Troops #2 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily2.html Daily With The Troops #3 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily3.html Humor With The Troops #1 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor.html Humor With The Troops #2 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor2.html Humor With The Troops #3 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor3.html Sleeping With The Troops http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/sleep.html Friendly Fire! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendly.html *~* PLEASE Share These With All You Love - God Bless You! W __ __ [ ] |::||::| 3 ._. |::||::| ._. /| |:| ._. |::||::| |/| \|// / |:|_|/| |::||::|_ |/| -( )-| |:|"|/|_|::||::|\|_|/| _ J V | |:|"|/|||::||::|\|||/||:| ___ ' / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \ \/ | ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ GOD BLESS THE FAMILIES AND GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS! ============================================================ >-->From TheFunnyBone: Rules For Writers ________________________________.--------. _.--'\\ \ \ (__________`;.__ <) || | | |__) jgs `'--.//__________________________/_/_____________.' 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.) 6. Be more or less specific. 7. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 8. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 9. No sentence fragments. 10. Don't use no double negatives. 11. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out or mispeld something. 12. Eschew obfuscation. ============================================================== +--------- Even More Bizarre September Holidays -----------+ September 20 is National Punch Day September 21 is World Gratitude Day and International Banana Festival September 22 is Hobbit Day and Dear Diary Day September 23 is Checkers Day and Dogs In Politics Day September 24 is Festival Of Latest Novelties September 25 is National Comic Book Day September 26 is National Good Neighbor Day and National Pancake Day September 27 is Crush A Can Day September 28 is Ask A Stupid Question Day September 29 is Poisoned Blackberries Day September 30 is National Mud Pack Day ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >Dear God... As I'm lying here in bed, This tiny little Prayer Keeps running through my head: God bless all my family Wherever they may be, Keep them warm And safe from harm For they're so close to me.. And God, there is one more thing I wish that you could do; Hope you don't mind me asking, Please bless my computer too. Now I know that it's unusual To Bless a motherboard, But listen just a second While I explain it to you, Lord. You see, that little metal box Holds more than odds and ends; Inside those small compartments Rest so many of my friends. I know so much about them By the kindness that they give, And this little scrap of metal Takes me in to where they live. By faith is how I know them Much the same as you. We share in what life brings us And from that our friendships grew.. Please take an extra minute From your duties up above, To bless those in my address book That's filled with so much love. Wherever else this prayer may reach To each and every friend, Bless each e-mail inbox And each person who hits 'send'. When you update your Heavenly list On your own Great CD-ROM, Bless everyone who says this prayer Sent up to GOD.Com In Jesus Christ's Name, Amen --- ...Aww, now isn't that the most perfect sweetest poem? Love it! Thanks Jo Ann! But, you make a point - can't read this one in school... -<>- \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb >NO PRAYER IN SCHOOL! [or poem like above either!] I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT A HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL CAN SEE THE PROBLEM, BUT OUR SOCIETY CANNOT! I would hope that everyone who must deal with a Court imposed directive that was orchestrated by the anti-God ACLU would respond in the same manner as this courageous Principal. This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School , Kingston , Tennessee, by school Principal, Jody McLeod "It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country." Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law. As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate life style," and if someone is offended, that's OK. I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK. I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem... I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology." I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depicts people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment." However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.. This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical. Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments. Nevertheless , as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical... I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression. For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and refrain from praying at this time. "However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM, in the name of JESUS, to Bless this event, please feel free to do so. As far as I know, that's not against the law----yet." One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray. They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box! The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America- the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD." Somehow, Kingston , Tennessee Remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion.. Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains! JESUS said, "If you are ashamed of ME before men, then I will be ashamed of you before MY FATHER.." If you are not ashamed, pass this on. I'm not one bit ashamed to pass this on, Are you? --- ...Nope! Not me! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) ,-. _,. / / ; \____,-==-._ ) //_ `----' {+> ` `'--/ /-'`( / / dew `=' This will drive you to distraction!! Have fun! The object of the game is to move the red block around Without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls. If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been Said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are Expected to go for at least 2 minutes. Give it a try but be careful...it is addictive!! Air Force Test <---- Click here... http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html --- ...Thanks Sandi! I finally made it to 20.64 seconds - I've had enough of that little test. Goodness! How time does NOT fly when you are having fun! TeeHee! -<>- >Smiles From Kids in Sunday School + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- LOT 'S WIFE The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly, 'and she turned into a telephone pole!' GOOD SAMARITAN A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?' A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw up.' DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?' 'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.' HIGHER POWER A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?' One child blurted out, 'Aces!' MOSES AND THE RED SEA Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. 'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.' 'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his Mother asked. 'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!' THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know.' UNANSWERED PRAYER The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. 'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. 'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.' 'So, how come He doesn't?' she asked. BEING THANKFUL A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Tha t's very commendable. What does she say?' The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!' UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?' Tommy answered soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!' TIME TO PRAY A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. 'Yes, sir.' the boy replied. 'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked. 'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.' ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli wo uld say, 'All girls.' This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?' Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!' SAY A PRAYER Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. 'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother. 'I don't need to,' the boy replied. 'Of course, you do.' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.' 'That's at our house.' Johnny explained.. 'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook! --- ...TeeHee! Good Ones! Thanks Sandi! ============================================================ >-->In The WorldlyNews: >[POLITICS] From The GOP.com: We do need health care reform in America, but there is a right way -- and a wrong way -- to go about it. President Obama and Congressional Democrats want a government-run health care system that puts a Washington bureaucrat between American families and their doctors. Their first thought was to try to rush a bill to the White House before Congress left Washington for August recess, and now we know why. The American people have had a chance to read for themselves what President Obama and his Democrat allies in Congress intend for our health care and have been letting them know, loud and clear, in townhall meetings and national polls, that they don’t like it at all. But the Obama Democrats have circled the wagons, stung and angry that the people dare presume to tell them what kind of health care they want. So Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid will be coming back to Washington to show the American people they won’t let a little thing like public outrage get between them and their desire for socialist control over our lives. Barack Obama and congressional Democrats think government is the solution to every problem. They're wrong. The government already runs car companies, banks and mortgage companies. Republicans believe that the last thing the American people want is government telling them when and where -- or even whether -- they can get medical treatment for their families. That's why we need you to help us keep the heat on the Democrats, and keep them accountable to the American people. The RNC believes your voice should be heard before the Obama Democrats nationalize almost one fifth of our economy, incur trillions of dollars in new spending and debt, and begin rationing health care to the American people. Your opinion on the many domestic and foreign policy issues that America faces has been vital. The future of health care in America is so important -- especially as Obama Democrats are moving swiftly to bring European-style socialized medicine here -- that I am asking for more of your grassroots insight today. That's why I hope you will take a moment right now to fill out online our Future of American Health Care survey. Your input will help Republican leaders in Washington, D.C. and across America know where you stand on the Obama Democrats' nationalized health care plans and the Republican alternative. Go Here for Survey: http://www.partnerorganizations.com/r.asp?U=21338 Thank you. Sincerely, Michael Steele Chairman, Republican National Committee -<>- >From BizarreNews: .-~~~~-. / ( ( ' \ | ( ) ) | \ ) ' } / / (` \ , / ~) `-.`\/_.-' jgs `"" -- 125.9-pound cabbage sets world record ----------- PALMER, Alaska - Officials with the Alaska State Fair said a giant green cabbage weighed at the event set a Guinness World Record at 125.9 pounds. Dean Phipps, market- ing director for the fair, said Wasilla resident Steve Hubacek's cabbage, which sports 5-foot leaves and measures about 21 inches across its head, beat the previous cabbage weight record of 124 pounds, set in Wales in 1989, the Anchorage Daily News reported. "I was there when they put it on" the scale, Phipps said. "When they put it on, every- body took a couple steps back and went like, 'Oh, my gosh.' They all had versions of that and then they started jumping up and down." Fair officials said the record may last only until the next giant cabbage weigh-off, scheduled for Friday, as Hubacek claims to have a cabbage at home larger than his record-setter. -- Rock theft foiled by gravity --------------- WICHITA, Kan. - Police in Kansas said two men attempt- ing to steal landscaping rocks were foiled when the load shifted and their truck sank into the Arkansas River. Lt. Guy Schroeder said the brown Ford Explorer was backed up to the river next to the Keeper of the Plains sculpture in Wichita just before 1:20 a.m. Thursday while the men loaded limestone landscaping rocks into the truck, The Wichita Eagle reported. Schroeder said the load shifted once the men had 12 rocks inside, causing the truck to roll backward into the river. Investigators said an address linked to the truck is apparently in the process of front yard landscaping. Police said no arrests had been made, but they have identified a 45-year-old suspect. __ sjw / \ .-. | | * _.-' \ \__/ \.-' \ / _/ | _ /" | /_\' \ \_/ """" -- Man accused of firing cannonball into home -------- UNIONTOWN, Pa. - A man in Georges Township, Pa., fired a cannon in his yard, sending a cannonball through the side of his neighbor's home, police allege. Pennsylvania State Police Trooper Brian Burden said William Edward Maser, 54, allegedly fired his 80-pound French and Indian War replica cannon Wednesday evening, sending a two-pound lead ball into his neighbor's closet, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported Thursday. Burden said the cannonball broke a window while going through the side of the unidentified neighbor's home. The projectile then went through a wall and landed in a closet, the trooper said. No explanation was given for the errant shot, but Burden told the Post- Gazette Maser is a regular participant in battle re-enact- ments. The incident resulted in reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct charges against Maser. No hearing dates were reported. =============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: .,::::.. ';''':';:. (o o |; | < ); \ --' | ___'-. |____ .' - - `'. ,'_ : '. : [_] , : , : : : ) --' '--- :`'... '. : / \:: : :: / : : ''' |'' , ''| : .' :===u==='. (,,; / :__|__|__ : __ |/ | : :: || | : : : || | '. : : ''-------' : : : : snd : : : : :____: :____: .-=' \ ( ==\ (____,_/ \ \ '--' >You Might Be An Engineer If... .. Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma. .. You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room. .. In college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure. .. The sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions. .. At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling. .. You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel. .. You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances. .. You see a good design and still have to change it. .. You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring. .. You still own a slide rule and know how to use it. .. You window shop at Radio Shack. .. Your laptop computer costs more than your car. .. Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work. .. You've tried to repair a $5 radio. -<>- >Heated Up! An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place -- two rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location: it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. "Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb." "Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin." "With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries." The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling. His answer was succinct. "Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe." ================================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: I saw this little gem on The New Yorker online. The scary part is that I've actually had conversations very similar to this... The Wisdom of Children by Simon Rich A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids' Table. MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy. DAD: O.K. GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry. DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex. UNCLE: I'm having sex right now. DAD: We all are. MOM: Let's talk about which kid I like the best. DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won't tell. MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell. FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud! DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren't. MOM: I'm angry! I'm angry all of a sudden! DAD: I'm angry, too! We're angry at each other! MOM: Now everything is fine. DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good. MOM: There was a big sex. FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest! (Everybody laughs.) MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I'm crazy! GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like? ALL: Yes. GRANDFATHER: Don't tell the kids. -<>- Upon retiring from the service, my husband, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retire- ment status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good. And he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!" -<>- _________ __ .-`~ ~-. / Captain!! ` ' o' The alien vessel : . <|> tries to establish ' . | contact... . `. - Captain?! . ~-..__ ___ _ - O o . . .,., _zz____ (((((()) zz ZZ| | ((('_ _`) ' | Beep! | Z ((G \ |) |_ ____| (((` ~ , |/ .((\.:~: .----------- __.| `"'.__ | \ .~~ `---' ~. | . / ` | `-.____ | ~ | : | | : | _ | \ ~~-. | , `_ ( \) _____/~~~~ `--___ | ~`-) ) `-. `--- ( | '///` | `-. | | | | `-. | | | | `-. | | |\ | | | | \| `-. | | | `-| ' - a:f - "One of our co-workers went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest... "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired!" -<>- A young college girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'." -<>- Just after Christmas I received a rather general thank-you note from my sister for the present I had sent her. However, her next letter in mid-March explained that upon receiving my gift, a well taped box of chocolates, she had immediately put it in the freezer because she had already gained about six pounds that Christmas and wanted to avoid temptation. One day in March, having lost the excess weight and craving a chocolate, she went to the freezer, mouth watering in anticipation, opened the box, and discovered the frozen black sequined evening purse I had given her. -<>- Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered. For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate...why am I still driving around in a thimble? -<>- A group of tourists were watching the re-enactment of an ancient Egyptian religious ritual. One turned to a nearby local, pointed to the statue that was being praised and asked, "Pardon me, but what was the name of that god sup- posed to be?" "Why do you ask?" the man replied. The tourist shrugged. "Just idol curiosity, I guess." ============================================================== >-->From TheMouth: , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers give for speeding. Here are some of the officers' favorites. (By the way, none of them worked!) * A man told the officer he was rushing to the hospital because had been stung by a bee, and was allergic. "There's the bee right there," he said, pointing to his dashboard. The officer looked. The bee was not only dead, but in a advanced state of decomposition. * A man was doing 70 mph on the shoulder of I-95, avoiding the bumper-to-bumper traffic. After a third of a mile, he was stopped by an officer. He jumped out of the car, brush- ing off his pants, and told the cop he had dropped a cigarette on his lap. "I was looking for a place to park," he explained. * A speeder said that he and his wife were trying to have a baby. "My wife is ovulating," he told the officer. "I have to get home right now." * An officer stopped a man doing 80 mph. When he asked the driver whether he had seen the speed-limit signs, the man responded, "I went by them so fast I probably missed them." * A man going south on I-95 was stopped near Washington Avenue doing 79 mph. "My engine misses, and I'm trying to clean out the carburetor," he told the officer. For good measure, he added, "If I don't go this fast, my car won't go at all." * "I'm due in traffic court," one speeder said. "If I'm late they're going to enforce the bench warrant." * When an officer told a speeder that the speed limit on the Schuylkill Expressway was 50 mph, the driver responded, "Officer, where have you been? It's 65 now." * One speeder said simply, "I'm trying to beat my wife home. Don't ask." * An elderly person was stopped after doing 73 mph. When told he was getting a ticket, he asked the officer, "Is there a senior citizen's discount?" ============================================================ >-->From Laugh&Lift: .-'"""`-. ( ) |`-.___.-'| |.-'"""`-.| | | |`-.___.-'| | | |. ' " ` .| | | `-.___.-' VK >Trading Empty for Full (By Ron Hutchcraft) Water! Drinking lots of water is good for your health. So I usually have a big mug of water in my office and bottles of water with me when I travel. A while back, my wife and I were driving to some ministry events, and another couple from our team was traveling with us in the back seat. And they got to be the keeper of the water and the snacks, of course. But let's stick with the healthy stuff. This little drill developed, thanks to the thoughtfulness of my buddy in the back seat. When I finished a bottle of water, I handed the empty bottle back to him so it could be dumped in our garbage bag. But as I handed my empty to him, there he was with a full bottle to place in my other hand. I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Trading Empty for Full." Not a bad deal. I gave my friend what was empty and he replaced it with what was full. Just like Jesus. I handed him a life that was pretty empty, and He gave me back a life that is amazingly full. He's done that for countless people. He would love to do that for you. I know that because of what He said in John 10:10 . It's our word for today from the Word of God. He said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; (that's the devil He's talking about) I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." I remember talking with a senior football player at our local high school about all the great things that had happened in his senior year. He told me he had wanted four things: a championship, a scholarship, more friends, and a closer family. He had gotten all four. But then he actually looked at me with tears in his eyes and he asked in total frustration, "Then why am I so empty?" That's the question a lot of people have - people of all ages. "Why am I so empty?" Two days after I talked with that football player, the successful and deeply religious president of a local service club said basically the same thing to me. There is this emptiness that nothing seems to fill. And it's not for lack of trying. We've hoped that the hole in our heart would be filled by a relationship, by achievement, by experiences, by a family, or by a religion. But we keep coming up empty, unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and wondering what goes in the hole in our heart. Jesus goes in the hole in your heart. The Bible actually reveals that "all things were created by Him and for Him" (Colossians 1:16 ). You were created by Jesus, you were created for Jesus, and you're going to have a hole in your heart until you have Jesus. Tragically, we have chosen to live "for me" instead of "for Him." And this hijacking of our life from our Creator, this sin, has put us in a futile orbit away from Him. But that's why Jesus came. That's why Jesus died - to pay the price for our rebellion so we could finally belong to the One we were made for. This day could be the day when you hand your empty to Jesus, and He gives you in exchange a life that's finally full, because He's in it. But you have to reach for Him. You have to surrender the self-rule of your life, and you put your trust in Him to be the forgiver of every wrong thing you've ever done. He's the only one who can forgive it, because He's the only one who died to pay the price for it. If you don't know you belong to Him; there's been that moment in your life where you have made what He died on the cross for you personally. Well, this could be the day to do that. And you do it just by talking to Him, and maybe in words something like this: "Jesus, I was made by you. I was made for you. I have lived pretty much for me, and I'm done with that. I resign the running of my own life. Jesus, I believe that you died to pay the death penalty for every wrong thing I have ever done. You loved me that much. I want you, and beginning today I give myself to you." If you want to begin your relationship with Him today, and if you'd like to know more about how to be sure you belong to Him, I'd encourage you to check out our website as soon as you can today. It's www.YoursForLife.net. You've been empty because you've been missing the One you were made for. Today's your day to trade in empty for full. [Permission to distribute this material via email, or individual copies, is automatically granted on the condition it will be used for non-commercial purposes, and will not be sold. To reproduce "A Word With You" transcripts in any other format, including Internet websites, written permission is needed.] -<>- The Laugh Mind if I use this terminal? \_ Knock yourself out.. \_ _____ / \ /_____\ .---. .---. \ 0 / /| ` ' |\ \---/ || | | || / \ || | | || /\ /\ \| ; ; |/ | \ / | )---'( )'---( ****************************************** Stop looking at my breasts... _____ ,''', /_____\ .---. .---. / \ ; \ 0 / /| ` ' |\ o ,' \---/ || | | || ' ; / \ || | | || ,' `; /\ /\ \| ; ; |/ (( , | \ / | )---'( )'---( ``. ; ****************************************** Tap.. Tap.. Tappity.. __ Tap. Tapp /\ \ Tap.. ,''', / \ \ .---. .---. / \ ; | o \/ /| ` ' |\ o ,' / _/ || | | || ' ; \ /\_ || | | || ,' `; V \ \| ; ; |/ (( , w )---'( )'---( ``. ; ****************************************** ..and stop telling your friends about my breasts. __ \ /\ \ Tap... \ ,''', / \ \ .---. .---. / \ ; | o \/ /| ` ' |\ o ,' / _/ || | | || ' ; \ /\_ || | | || ,' `; V \ \| ; ; |/ (( , w )---'( )'---( ``. ; ****************************************** Once again.. thanks to Chris Caines. 12 Things You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support 12. "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?" 11. "...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it." 10. "So -- what are you wearing?" 9. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!" 8. "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n." 7. "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC." 6. "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery." 5. "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." 4. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect." 3. "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!" 2. "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics." 1. "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney." Originally published by "The Top Five List" SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: High Tech Toys: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html Tech Horror Stories http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html MacGyver - How To Do It http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver.html Mountain Biking http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountainbiking.html Patriot Fire/Rescue/Transport http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/patriot.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Play the Virtual Harry Partch Instruments - Online http://tinyurl.com/c8ldlh Post Picture - Get Answers http://www.picanswers.com/ Your Place to Buy and Sell All Things Homemade http://www.etsy.com/ Upload Files to Several File Hosts at once http://www.uploadground.com/ Children Books read by Professional Actors and Famous People http://www.storylineonline.net/ --- ...Great Links As Always! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynns Links: Dreams Ahead http://www.poetryinfocus.com/Poetry/Poem053.html HOW KIDS SEE THINGS http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/HOWKIDSSEETHINGS.HTML Carol w/ Men Can Cry http://www.carolspoetry.com/sept06/2.html Court House Shooting Idiot http://www.buffaloschips.com/sfserfs.htm Cutest Plumber http://www.buffaloschips.com/hjsdkjs.htm Deer Jumps Cycle http://www.buffaloschips.com/safs.htm Drag Race Slomo http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfwsew.htm Dry Retriever http://www.buffaloschips.com/sfew.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In Palm Beach, Florida this week, a shark attacked a lawyer who was surfing. Remarkably, the shark survived." -Jay Leno "I had surgery this year. Nothing serious, thank God. But just before I went under I heard the one thing you don't want to hear, 'Where's my lucky scalpel?'" --Jonathan Ketz "I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth grade teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions. One kid asked, 'Is there any part of the woman's body known as the Volvo?' Which I thought was a good question. I said, 'Only on Swedish women.'" --Dennis Wolfberg "Exciting news from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology. The Norwegians released a study today that says having a sense of humor can help people live longer. In other words, if you don't laugh at this monologue tonight, you're going to die." -Jimmy Kimmel "My mom used to tell me not to eat so fast because it wasn't good for me. So I put a strobe light over the table." --Nick Arnette "Hanging onto resentment is like letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head." --Ann Landers "Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind and having holes in one's head?" --Richard Schultz >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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