Fasten Your Seat Belts And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _.-''''-._ .' `. : `. : : : : : : : : `. : _..-''-._ .-`. `-. .' `. .'.--. .---._ `. ; ; ..' `' `. : ; _ : .''. .''. : ; .' `.: .-. ; .-. ; ; ; : :--. :_:' :_:' .'_.--. ; .'`._.' `. .-' `. .' : `._ _.' : .---. : ``--`` `. .' ` .' `. _.' _ _.' ``-..__...---''; .'_.' `._`-._`' .' .'`` jgs `-._```_.-' ``` *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) .-'"""'-. ,____|_______|____, '._____________.' REACH FOR |.-- --.| THE SKY! |(o) (o)| (| |) | U | __ | .___. | YOU'RE MY /||| | | FAVORITE |||| : : DEPUTY! | |/) `.___.' \ / __) (__ \/\ /\ \ / /\ \ \ /\ \ ^ / /\ THERE'S A \ \ / | |0_/\_ \ SNAKE IN \ \/ /| | \ /\ \ MY BOOT! \ / | |0//\\ \ \ \/ | / \ | \ \ |/ .-. \| / / .-'|-( ~ )-| / / HI! \ |--`-'--|/ / MY NAME'S WOODY! \ | | / \| | |/ | | | | | | HOWDY PARDNER! | | | | | | | | | |___|___| YEEEHAH COWBOY! `|---|---|' *| | |* |_._|_._| /' /|\ '\ SOMEONE POISONED jgs / /^ ^\ \ THE WATERHOLE! /__.' `.__\ Had a scare Saturday. My 4 year old grandson took 12 of his mom's Midol pills and they had to take him to the emergency room. He was admitted and then had to be transported to another hospital where they had more experience caring for over doses in small children. He was even hallucinating. They were concerned because of the tylenol in the pills he took could cause his liver to shut down. Praise God, after many prayers, and a trying day and night, he was all better the next day with no liver damage. When I saw him Sunday, he was back to his usual happy self. Jabbering away and hopping around with lots of energy. One thing I could never understand is why a child would eat pills that are so bitter and as they would call them, 'yucky'. I found out when he was telling his story to us and his two brothers. He said, 'I got milk and swallowed them. They were blue ones.' So my thought that he took them because he thought they were candy was not correct. As many times as we have told the children that pills are for big people and they can get them sick, he wanted to try it for himself. Small children mimic adults. They watch us swallow pills and want to be just like us. I hadn't thought of that before. I told his mom that even if she had to hide them in the middle between her mattress, that she had to make sure they couldn't get them. You have to be careful with kids. They are most precious. The bible warns us our adversary is like a roaring lion looking for his next victim. 1 Peter 5:8 Children are easy prey for any predator. As parents, we have to be always on guard. -<>- >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This hot tottie comes from our friend Linda. One you are sure to want to share with your loved ones. Check it out here... _ _ //\--.//\ /\\/ _ _/ | `o o\__ | \) \ ,__/ \ '-/__ (`"=-.=-"`\ /``'-. / '.-._ `\ /_\ \ _.-`, "._/ | \_..-\ \ | \ \ | | '.__.' |, \ .""-. / \ _ `| |_.-`\ \/ \ | / \ / / | / \ / | .' '-' jgs / `"-. `'-.,__/ Life Is... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis.html --- ...Beautiful pictures! Thank You Linda! ========================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Fasten Your Seat Belts And Assume Crash Position Flight seven-oh-niner has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water". "Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified. "Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs". "And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady. "Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much". __ o /' ) /' ( , __/' ) .' `; o _.-~~~~' ``---..__ .' ; _.--' b) ``--...____.' .' ( _. )). `-._ < `vvvvvvv-)-.....___.- `-. __...--'-.'. `^^^^^'-------.....`-.___.'----... .' `.; jgs `-` ~~~ ================================================================ *-- Even More Bizarre August Holidays --* August 21 is National Spumoni Day August 22 is Be An Angel Day August 23 is National Spongecake Day August 24 is Knife Day August 25 is Kiss-And-Make-Up Day August 26 is National Cherry Popsicle Day August 27 is Petroleum Day August 28 is World Sauntering Day August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day August 30 is National Toasted Marshmallow Day August 31 is National Trail Mix Day =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: |\ _, \_|/ | .' `\/ _o o` | ()` ; __ `--' / \_`\ `.___/ \ \ /=====\ \ |=====/`\ `|=====| | |=====| | |=====\_\ \======/ /`--/^`\ jgs \ |\ | (___(___) ,===, ,, ,==, ,, ,===,,====, ||__))||// __ || ||__ || || ||\\ |||| || || '' '' '===''===''===' '' One afternoon, while touring the Canyonlands of southern Utah, my husband and I pulled into the only hotel in a small town. While signing the register, we asked the young woman behind the desk if our room was air-conditioned. When she shook her head no, we hesitated, wondering if we should push on to the next town. Sensing our doubt, she brightened as she came up with a solution. "Just turn on the heater," she suggested. "Our customers tell us all that comes out is cold air anyway." -<>- Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." -<>- /`"'-,__ \/\)` `'-. // \ .--.\ '. //|-. \_o `-. \---._ || \_o\ _.-.\`'-' `-. || |\.-'` | `. || | \ \ | `\ \| / \ ,\' / \ `' `---' ; `)) .-' | .-.// .-. .' ,;=D / // / \ .' || |..-' | '-' // (( \ .===. _,// '`'--`'---''',--\_/-;-'` jgs `~/^\` '===' A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They're appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy." "Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" -<>- I picked up my nine-year-old daughter from school and asked how her day had gone. A few minutes later, distracted by driving, I repeated the question, and again a few minutes after that. Instead of annoyed, Ariana was philosophical. "Mom," she said, "your amnesia is my deja vu." -<>- >Famous Movie Quotes (The First Drafts) The Godfather: "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. Well, he can refuse it, of course. I just know that if someone were to make me an offer like this, I'd jump all over it. But who am I to impose my feelings on someone else?" The Terminator: "I'll be back. Do you need anything while I'm out?" Dirty Harry: "You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? I ask myself that every day, and you know what? I feel so very lucky. Loving family, steady work..." Taxi Driver: "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Sorry, it looked like you were talkin' to me. My mistake." -<>- Bob hadn't been to a class reunion in twenty years. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "you don't look so great in blue, either!" ============================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Our Friend John-Paul :) Get Over It? - AARP says as they are fight for American Seniors-hummmm AARP is starting to crack, while Amac grows stronger. http://tinyurl.com/4xw8nms --- ...Interesting read! Thanks John-Paul! -<>- >From Godfather Politics: Your Tax Dollars Building Mosques Overseas http://tinyurl.com/3zjm5hy -<>- >From Newsmax: Disturbing: New Video About Obama Policies, Economist Warns of Coming Meltdown http://tinyurl.com/3gb3kma -<>- >From PatriotUpdate: S&P Action Clouds Obama Re-Election Bid http://tinyurl.com/3w5eksf -<>- >From Vision To Maerica Is The Tea Party Over? http://tinyurl.com/3h4j4t9 -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is crime all over the place. Every day there is news of shootings. A story just broke about two gunmen who opened fire with a handgun and an assault rifle on a bus in Philadelphia. The other night a mob at the Wisconsin state fair attacked dozens of people in what are being described as racially motivated attacks, and the economy is so bad that vagrants are stealing air conditioning units right out of peoples windows and back yards to sell for scrap metal. But don't worry, because law enforcement is out there on your side, law-abiding citizen, protecting you from....milk. Well, milk and cheese. And mangos. Mangos, people! As environmentalism and personal health are becoming more and more important to people, the popularity of raw and organic foods has been booming. And your government doesn't like it. Specifically the FDA, Department of Agriculture and the CDC. In California a raw foods seller was raided by the aforementioned agencies as well as by the LA County Sheriff's office. The officers went in equipped with full tactical gear, with weapons drawn...to arrest a farmer. The officers seized raw milk supplies, most of which they dumped into the storm sewers, so you won't be threatened by that anymore, and also mangos and other fresh, organic produce which they loaded onto trucks. Interestingly...they also took all of the cash they could find. It sounds more like a shakedown than some kind of code enforcement raid. The charges? Conspiracy (to commit what the story does not specify) and 'mislabeling cheese'. Each of the three raw food retailers arrested are being held on bonds reportedly exceeding $120,000. Now the really bizarre thing is that growing and even selling your own food is not illegal. While a warrant still has not been produced, the most recent story I read speculated that the raid was conducted because the owner did not have a current permit to sell raw milk (that is not pasteurized). Of course, not having a permit calls for being arrested at gunpoint. We certainly don't want anybody eating raw foods in this country. So be careful if you have a vegetable garden! *-- Couple offer $500 for return of toy monkey --* NEW YORK - A New York couple is offering a $500 reward for the return of the stuffed toy monkey they have thought of as a "child" for 10 years. Jack Zinzi, 58, and Bonni Marcus, 47, said they think Bongo, an 8-inch-tall Beanie Baby Zinzi bought as a gift for Marcus 10 years ago, fell out of Zinzi's pocket around 7 p.m. Sunday while they were on their way to the El Viejo Yayo restaurant in the Park Slope neighborhood, the New York Post reported Thursday. "It's heartbreaking," Zinzi said. "It's like losing a child. We take him everywhere we go, we talk to him. We even love to stand him up and make him dance and come alive." The couple have posted signs around the neighborhood promising a $500 reward for the toy's return. They said they have a "spiritual connection" with Bongo and his absence has put a strain on their relationship. *-- Tennis pro goes to wrong Carlsbad --* CARLSBAD, Calif. - A Serbian tennis pro said she arrived at the Mercury Insurance Open in California minutes before her match because her travel agent sent her to the wrong city. Bojana Jovanovski, 19, said she arrived at the airport Sunday night and called about her absent driver to discover her travel agent had sent her to Carlsbad, N.M., instead of Carlsbad, Calif., the Carlsbad (N.M.) Current-Argus reported Thursday. Jovanovski said she spent the night in the airport and arrived at the correct Carlsbad the next day a mere 30 minutes before the start of her scheduled match. However, she said she was afforded an extra 15 minutes because the previous two matches both went to three sets. Jovanovski lost the match against No. 23 Roberta Vinci after three sets. ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .---._ _.-'"""'-._ _.---. :.---._`.: .- -. ;.'_.---.; : ' `.': .`.' ` ; `....-':'::. 0 0 .' :;`-....' :.:'_:---:_`::; .--._ `:_( )_:' _.--. .----. ``-.' \ / `.-'' .----. : : .---'': `-.-' :--''''-. : : ___: :____.--''`. : .'``--._____: :_____ : :_.'| ' | `''"'|"'' | ` `._; : ____`-'____|_______|_______|_______|_______|___`-'______ | | | | | | | ______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|___ | | | | | | | _|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|________ jgs | | | | | | | ____|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_____ >THE ATTORNEY A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!" "OH, MY GOSH!" screamed the lawyer. (keep reading) * * * * * * * * "My Rolex!" --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! -<>- .-"'"-. | | (`-._____.-') .. `-._____.-' .. .', :./'.== ==.`\.: ,`. : ( : ___ ___ : ) ; '._.: |0| |0| :._.' / `-'_`-' \ _.| / \ |._ .'.-| ( ) |-.`. //' | .-"`"`-'"`"-. | `\\ || | `~":-...-:"~` | || || \. `---' ./ || || '-._ _.-' || / \ _/ `~:~` \_ / \ ||||\) .-' / \ `-. (/|||| \||| (`.___.')-(`.___.') |||/ '"' jgs `-----' `-----' '"' >Artie So, here's the story.. . . Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound note that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor. The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ... + + + + + + You're going to hate me for this... + + + + + + + + + + 'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO' Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then Send it on to my other warped friends. --- ...Awww, I feel so privileged! LMAO! Thanks Linda! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend EdLaF :) ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >A BEWILDERED TEXAN While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown. Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security. It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted my two stamps... -<>- _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ >Overheard in Church In church Sunday, my neighbor overheard the lady in the pew next to me saying a short private prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that he just had to share with me. Dear Lord, This has been a tough 12 months. The devil has taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress Farrah Fawcett, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite salesman Billy Mays and my favorite athlete Steve McNair. I just wanted it known that my FAVORITE president is Barrack Obama. Amen!! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks EdLaF! ============================================================== >-->From Laff&Lift: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' The Lift >Needed: a 4X4 for one Blockhead (by Kerry Doyal, www.GetGraced.org) [Edited] Sometimes a 2X4 ain't enough. As in: "What's it gunna take to get your attention, a 2X4?" A 2x4 - pronounced "two by four" ;-) - refers to a length of wood that is two inches thick & four inches wide. A 2X4 is the standard stud size - this is lumber lingo. However, sometimes a 2X4 ain't enough - for me at least Being a blockhead - not much of a stud any more - I am planning on getting a 4X4 block of wood. I'm having that bad boy inscribed. Being a good cube, it will have six sides for inscribing. I propose one word for each side: "Rejoice in the Lord always." Phil. 4X4 I was in the shower when this idea hit me. The shower is not just a clean up place, but a "think it through" place. I was in there nursing my sourness, feeding my petty grievances. In short, my disposition for the day is: "I'm mad!" In fact, I was mad at my wife as well as a few other folks. What has she done? What cause have I to be surly? Well, two days ago she...she...I can't really remember, but all the same... So I'm in the shower & it hits me: I am mad, sad, bummed for various reasons. Rejoice? Who me? No way! I have reasons NOT to be 4X4-ing - rejoicing in the Lord. Or so I deceive myself into thinking. Rejoice? HA! Not today - I'm miffed & I am sure it is justifiable. After all, they, she, he... Seems the dirtiest part of me can't be reached by soap. Sometimes a 2X4 ain't enough. Seems a 2X4 needs to replaced with a big fat 4X4 - the need to respond to a 4X4 (4:4) Philippians 4:4 says: "Rejoice in the Lord always." Always? Always? I am glad a cube only has six sides (double checking.... yes, six). The verse goes on to say: "I will say it again: Rejoice!" See, God knew even a 4X4 would not be enough for some of us. Lord, forgive my trying to justify sin - my sin of nursing a grudge, holding on to hurts. Lord, I confess my sin and I unchoose anger. Lord, I need to choose instead to rejoice. Forgive me. Grow me. Help me - I am indeed a block head (heart?), and not nearly the spiritual stud I pretend to be. "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV) "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold...Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving." - Ephesians 4:26-27,29-32; 5:1-4 (NIV) -<>- >Cancer is so limited... It cannot cripple love, It cannot shatter hope, It cannot corrode faith, It cannot eat away peace, It cannot destroy confidence, It cannot kill friendship, It cannot shout out memories, it cannot silence courage, It cannot invade the soul, It cannot reduce eternal life, It cannot quench the spirit, It cannot lessen the power of the resurrection. If you have an incurable disease, it doesn't have to touch your spirit. Your body may be afflicted and you may struggle greatly, but if you keep trusting God's love, your spirit will remain strong! -<>- >Laws of the Natural Universe Law of Biomechanics: The severity of any itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. -<>- >THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN BEFORE I WENT OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD - Never continue dating anyone rude to tthe waiter. - Some people are working backstage, somme are playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are. - When baking, follow directions. When ccooking, go by your own taste. - The two most essential words for a heaalthy, vital relationship: "I apologize" - Everyone seems normal until you get too know them. - When you make a mistake, make amends iimmediately. - The only really good advice that I remmember my mother ever gave me was, "Go! You might meet somebody!" - If he says that you are too good for hhim, believe it. - I've learned to pick my battles. I askk myself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?" - The shortest line is always the longesst. - Work is good but it's not truly importtant. - If you woke up breathing, congratulatiions! You have another chance! -<>- The Laugh . . \'.____.'/ __'-. .-'__ .--. '_i:'oo':i_'---...____...----i"""-.-'.-"\\ /._ _.\ : / '._ ;/ ;'-._ ( o o ) '-.__.' '. '. '-." '-.__.-' _.--. '-.: : '-' / ; _..--, / ; : '-._.-' ; ; : : : ` .' '-._.' : / \ : / ____....--\ : '._\ :""""" '. !. : : |: : 'www'| \ '| | || | : | | : | || | .' ! | | .' !| | /__I | | /__I.' ! .' ! /__I /__I fsc >Bessie the Cow A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find out what had happened. A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the field she had been grazing in over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, "Looks like a bad carburetor to me." Then she walked back into the field and began grazing again. Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had just passed, where he met a farmer. "Hey, mister, is that your cow in the field?" he asked. The farmer replied, "The brown and white one? Yep, that's old Bessie." The man then said, "Well my car's broken down, and she just said, 'Looks like a bad carburetor to me.'" The farmer shook his head and said, "Don't mind old Bessie, son. She don't know a thing about cars." ------- .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >Quick Jokes An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock." -------- One afternoon we lost the use of the phone system in our corporate offices. An announcement informed us that a work crew had accidentally cut the telecommunications lines while digging a hole for a new sign pole. Leaving at the end of the day, we were surprised to see what the new sign said: "Dig with caution! Communication cables buried below." -------- Last night, I had a discussion with Kimberly about her life management skills (or lack thereof). I told her that I thought she should start making lists of things to do so she doesn't forget anything. Before bed, I saw her writing some things down and I smiled, "Is that your list for tomorrow, Kim?" "Yep!!" (proud smile) I totally forgot about her to-do list until after school when I found it on the kitchen table where she left it. The first item on the list said: "1. Take list out of my pocket." ------- The California Secretary of State unveiled a plan Monday night that he feels will drastically reduce the state's budget deficit. The public can learn how this plan will work by calling the state capitol at 1-900-555-5555. A recorded message will spell out the new budget- reducing plan. Calling the number involves a $100 charge for the first minute and $50 for each additional minute. -------- As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking whale," I commented. With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin." -------- Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who live in our community. In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of their personalities. Recently one woman was asked, "What's the 'strangest' thing you ever bought?" She answered, "Dog toothpaste." Next question, "What is the 'most common' thing people say to you?" Her answer: "Where did you get such white teeth?" ---------- In promulgating your esoteric cogitation or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiation have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity. In short: "Be brief and don't use big words." ---------- At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn't tell us why. No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind. Later, when we got home, we discovered the reason for his reluctance. An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because "they choose children from the audience to feed Shamu." ---------- Our part of the country had gone for weeks with little or no rain. The TV weatherman, on his computerized map, was pointing out a thunderstorm 50 miles away. He placed his cursor over the region and clicked to zoom in on the storm. Watching, my son Roger shook his head and said, "I sure wish he would click on that storm and drag it over here." ------- A father grumbles to his two boys as he reluctantly gets ready for an evening out: "Other kids make their mothers too tired to want to go out -- but not you two." --------- Sign on the back of a motorcyclist's tee-shirt: "If you can read this, my wife fell off!" --------- My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!" SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Angels Are Watching http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html Believe In Your Dreams http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/dream.html Molly The Speckled Pony http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/molly.html Who Is This Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Eagle Sculpture Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleart.html House Dust Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusthouse.htm Awesome Hotel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/qhotel.html Amazing Cop Cars 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Identity Theft 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html In The Pink http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inthepink.html Mabel The Chicken http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chicken.html Men Will Be Boys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Hiking In China http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html --- ...Scary reminder! Thanks Linda! "Mississippi Squirrel Revival" Turn it up and sit back and LAUGH! And the music is good, too! Click on this link and have such a good laugh http://tinyurl.com/d6xwjo --- ...A fun one! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) He sent us one we have here... Garage Door Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garageart.html --- ...Awesome reminder! Thanks Wesley! -<>- Style Your Door http://www.style-your-door.com/ --- ...Pretty cool! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Why I Go To Weddings http://www.buffaloschips.com/71609.htm Why Buy Expensive Toys http://www.buffaloschips.com/71610.htm Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns http://www.buffaloschips.com/72101.htm Why I Didn't Make The Olymics http://www.buffaloschips.com/72102.htm Why I Don't Fish http://www.buffaloschips.com/72103.htm Why I Was Never Late For School http://www.buffaloschips.com/72104.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In 'Hamlet,' Shakespeare wrote, 'Neither borrower nor a lender be.' Now where better to find financial advice than a play about a bipolar, suicidal man in tights?" -Craig Ferguson "I think we should switch to Celsius. In Europe, it rarely gets over 40 degrees." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that your personality can trigger weight gain. Yeah, especially if you have the personality of a big fat guy." -Jimmy Fallon "Hollywood police used non-lethal bean bags to control a crowd that was rioting. Is there such a thing as lethal bean bags? If the riot escalated, they were authorized to switch to Marshmallow Peeps." -Jimmy Kimmel "The three great advancements of mankind were harnessing fire, inventing the wheel and the Slap Chop." -Craig Ferguson "A woman in San Francisco was arrested this week for stealing cash from Alex Trebek's hotel room. Trebek could tell something was up when the burglar said, 'I'll take your wallet and personal belongings for free, Alex.'" -Jimmy Fallon "The debt deal calls for the formation of a 'super Congress' to take on tougher decisions down the road. In case you're wondering, a super Congress consists of six congressmen from each party, plus Wolverine." -Conan O'Brien "You can no longer eat plants and berries from Central Park. I know what you're thinking: 'Now where do we go for dinner?'" -David Letterman "'Graphic novel' is a term used by geeks who don't want you to know they still read comic books." -Craig Ferguson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************