Fasten Your Seat Belts And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A Very SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR To ALL YOU WHO CELEBRATE EARLY! >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >HOT OFF THE 'Shangy' Press: This one is sizzling' Yesterday as my computer was playing funky 'on-off' computer games with me, in came two emails. One from our friend Becky and one from our friend Jo Ann. I loved them both and instantly knew they belonged together! All I had to do was be the one to put them together in a hot cool new page! My computer had to complain about it, but I managed through 5 re-boots to get a page done. Well mostly. I got up today and realized it needed some finishing touches. God always helps me in times like this. So I went back to my computer and again managed to plug thru it and got it done with only 1 re-boot! Amazing! My son just informed me why my computer was so funky. The memory in it was server memory which of course does not sit well for a non server computer. It was acting flaky because it was! Go figure! Turn up the sound and enjoy our newest HOT page. Then figure out whose friendship YOU will renew and send it to them too! Yearly Friendship Renewal http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/renewal.html --- ...Thank You Ladies! You Enrich Our Lives With Your Sharing! =============================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Fasten Your Seat Belts And Assume Crash Position Flight seven-oh-niner has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water". "Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified. "Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs". "And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady. "Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much". __ o /' ) /' ( , __/' ) .' `; o _.-~~~~' ``---..__ .' ; _.--' b) ``--...____.' .' ( _. )). `-._ < `vvvvvvv-)-.....___.- `-. __...--'-.'. `^^^^^'-------.....`-.___.'----... .' `.; jgs `-` ~~~ =============================================================== +--------------- Bizarre Christmas Trivia -----------------+ Saint Nicholas of Myra, the original Santa Claus, was the patron saint of children, thieves and pawnbrokers. A Mongolian wild ass can run 8 mph faster than a reindeer. It's Donder, not Donner. Christmas pudding should be stirred from east to west. 56 percent of Americans sing holiday carols to their pets. 53 percent of Americans plan to "re-gift" this year. 1 in 3 men will wait until Christmas Eve to finish their shopping. 1 in 6 men would like to get rid of all the "gift-giving nonsense." A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard. On Christmas Eve in 2001, the Bethlehem Hotel had 208 of its 210 rooms free. There are 1.76 billion candy canes produced every year. Based on a 1999 estimated population count of North America and Europe, on Christmas Eve of that year Santa Claus had to visit 42,466,666 homes in a 12-hour period -- that's 983 homes per second. ========================================================= >-->HAPPY NEW YEAR'S! ( * ) * ) * ( ) ( ( ( ) ( ) ) * ) ) ( ( ( ( * ) H ) ) [ ] ( ( * |-| * ) ( * ) |_| . ) ( | | . ) / \ . ' . * ( |_____| ' . . ) | ___ | \~~~/ ' . ( * | \ / | \_/ \~~~/ ) | _Y_ | | \_/ ( * jgs |-----| __|__ | * `-----` __|__ __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| >Language...............Happy New Year Afrikaans...............Gelukkige nuwe jaar Arabic..................Sana Sa-eeda Bengali.................Shuvo Nabo Barsho Cambodian...............Soursdey Chhnam Tmei Catalan.................Feliç Any Nou Chinese.................Zin Nian Kuai Le Croatian................Sretna Nova godina Danish..................Godt Nytår Dutch...................Gelukkig Nieuwjaar Eskimo..................Kiortame pivdluaritlo Esperanto...............Felican Novan Jaron Finnish.................Onnellista Uutta Vuotta French..................Bonne Année Gaelic..................Bliadhna mhath ur German..................Prosit Neujahr Greek...................Kenourios Chronos Hawaiian................Hauoli Makahiki Hou Hebrew..................L'Shannah Tovah Hindi...................Naye Varsha Ki Shubhkamanyen Hong Kong...............Sun Leen Fai Lok Hungarian...............Boldog Ooy Ayvet Indonesian..............Selamat Tahun Baru Iranian.................Saleh now mobarak Iraqi...................Sanah Jadidah Irish...................Bliain nua fe mhaise dhuit Italian.................Felice anno nuovo Icelandic...............Farsælt komandi ár Japanese................Akimashite Omedetto Gozaimasu Korean..................Saehae Bock Mani ba deu sei yo Kurdish.................Newroz Pirozbe Latvian.................Laim?go Jauno Gadu! Lithuanian..............Laimingu Naujuju Metu Maltese.................Is Senat Tajba Nepal...................Nawa Barsha ko Shuvakamana Norwegian...............Godt Nyttår New Guinea..............Nupela yia i go long yu Persian.................Saleh now ra tabrik migouyam Philippines.............Manigong Bagong Taon Polish..................Szczesliwego Nowego Roku Portuguese..............Feliz Ano Novo Punjabi.................Nave sal di mubarak Romanian................An Nou Fericit Russian.................S Novim Godom) Samoa...................Manuia le Tausaga Fou Serbo-Croatian..........Sretna nova godina Slovak..................A stastlivy Novy Rok Slovenian...............Sreèno novo leto Somali..................Iyo Sanad Cusub Oo Fiican Spanish.................Féliz Año Nuevo Swahili.................Heri Za Mwaka Mpyaº Swedish.................Gott nytt år! Sudanese................Warsa Enggal Tamil...................Eniya Puthandu Nalvazhthukkal Thai....................Sawadee Pee Mai Turkish.................Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun Ukrainian...............Z novym rokom Urdu....................Naya Saal Mubbarak Ho Vietnamese..............Chuc Mung Tan Nien Welsh...................Blwyddyn Newydd Dda Happy New Year! One theme you may notice is variations on the word new: Nuevo, novo, nova, novan, nou and nuwe. -<>- >How to Say "Merry Christmas" in 75 Other Languages Language.............Merry Christmas Afrikaans............Gesëende Kersfees Albanian.............Gezur Krislinjden Arabic...............Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah Argentine............Feliz Navidad Armenian.............Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand Basque...............Zorionak eta Urte Berri On! Bengali..............Shuvo Naba Barsha Bohemian.............Vesele Vanoce Brazilian............Boas Festas e Feliz Ano Novo Breton...............Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat Bulgarian............Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo Catalan..............Bon Nadal i un Bon Any Nou! Chile................Feliz Navidad Chinese(Cantonese)...Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun Chinese(Mandarin)....Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan Cornish..............Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth Corsian..............Pace e salute Croatian.............Sretan Bozic Czech................Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok Danish...............Glædelig Jul Dutch................Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar! English..............Merry Christmas Eskimo(inupik).......Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo! Esperanto............Gajan Kristnaskon Estonian.............Ruumsaid juulup|hi Finnish..............Hyvaa joulua Flemish..............Zalig Kerstfeest en Gelukkig nieuw jaar French...............Joyeux Noel Frisian..............Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier! Gaelic...............Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ùr! German...............Froehliche Weihnachten Greek................Kala Christouyenna! Hawaiian.............Mele Kalikimaka Hebrew...............Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova Hindi................Shub Naya Baras Hawaiian.............Mele Kalikimaka ame Hauoli Makahiki Hou! Hungarian............Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket Icelandic............Gledileg Jol Indonesian...........Selamat Hari Natal Iraqi................Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah Irish................Nollaig Shona Dhuit, or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat Italian..............Buone Feste Natalizie Japanese.............Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto Korean...............Sung Tan Chuk Ha Latin................Natale hilare et Annum Faustum! Latvian..............Prieci'gus Ziemsve'tkus un Laimi'gu Jauno Gadu! Lithuanian...........Linksmu Kaledu Maltese..............LL Milied Lt-tajjeb Manx.................Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa Maori................Meri Kirihimete Norwegian............God Jul, or Gledelig Jul Papua New Guinea...........Bikpela hamamas blong dispela Krismas na Nupela yia i go long yu Peru.................Feliz Navidad y un Venturoso Año Nuevo Philippines..........Maligayan Pasko! Polish...............Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie Portuguese...........Feliz Natal Romanian.............Barbatori fericite & La multi ani Russian..............Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva is Novim Godom Samoan...............La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou Serbian..............Hristos se rodi Slovakian............Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce Samoan...............La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou Scots Gaelic.........Hollaig chridheil huibh Serbian..............Hristos se rodi. Slovak...............Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok Spanish..............Feliz Navidad Swedish..............God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ã...r Thai.................Sawadee Pee Mai Tongan...............Mele Kalisimasi Turkish..............Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun Ukrainian............Srozhdestvom Kristovym Urdu.................Naya Saal Mubarak Ho Vietnamese...........Chung Mung Giang Sinh Welsh................Nadolig Llawen Yugoslavian..........Cestitamo Bozic -<>- >New Year's Dinner As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game. Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing. "See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing." -<>- o . . o . , . o__ L\ o .-""-. (==) |\_ / (--> \ |~~| o .\ \'--.)_>_=/_( | | . \ )`-._/|_,( | | o _| \ (_ ( \ /|()| o . , `.\ ) \_/\ \//` `\ ____/ ;`__/\ (__'./ \ |===/, ==\======/==|; ____ ; \ _,' o . '-..-' o /||` `|| `'-.__ o' __.-'` || _/\_ || `'..'` ||` `|| || ||PARTY!|| || || || jgs || | \____/ | _.' '._ | | < > \_.-""-._/ `""""""` `""""""` >Attainable New Year's Resolutions This year, I resolve to... - Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. - Stop exercising. Waste of time. - Read less. Makes you think. - Watch more TV. I've been missing some goood stuff. - Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. - Spend more time at work, surfing with thee T1. - Take a vacation to someplace important: llike, to see the largest ball of twine. - Not jump off a cliff just because everyonne else did. - Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eeat out more. - Not have eight children at once. - Get in a whole NEW rut! - Start being superstitious. - Personal goal: bring back disco. - Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings. - Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a reallly loud stereo system. - Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. - Speak in a monotone voice and only use moonosyllabicwords. - Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too smalll and use a chain or rope for a belt. - Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace. - Not eat cloned meat. - Create loose ends. - Get more toys. - Get further in debt. - Not believe politicians. - Not drive a motorized vehicle across thinn ice. - Avoid transmission of inter-species diseaases. - Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 11000 feet. - Stay off the International Space Station.. - Not swim with pirhanas or sharks. - Associate with even worse business clientts. - Spread out priorities beyond my ability tto keep track of them. - Wait around for opportunity. - Focus on the faults of others. - Mope about my faults. - Never make New Year's resolutions again. ================================================================== .~~~~. |2010| _|____|_ }-{ A P P Y (_,/\ \ \,~,/(`^ ^( ) /\/ E W \_/ ) \-' ) ( |\| (.-' '--.) \./ \( /(_)-(_) \ | E A R \\/ /\ /`\ \ \_/ / . \ // /'---'\`/_ _/ ^ ^ ;--; .--`| ^ ^ /` `), /` . \ ^ /` ) . '). ~^~`/ ( \^ / ( ' \^-~`-~ - ^ ~^- . )/ . ) '-.;~^-~^~- ~^~- / `\ - . ~^~ ,-.`~~^~^~^ ~- `^_~-~^-| \^ \~_~^ -~^~- ~^`~^ ^~ ~_jgs .-./__/\__`\-. ~^_-~^- ~^- ^~ `-^~=~-`=~-~=-' ~ >-->Top 10 celebrity New Year Resolutions 10. Robert Downey, Jr.: I promise to stay clean and sob- Ahhhh! Spiders! Get them off!! 9. Harry Potter: Use powers for neither good nor evil, but rather just for gettin’ some. 8. Jennifer Lopez: I must come up with *some* way to get people to notice me. 7. Christina Aguilera: Take down that little brat Britney. 6. Calista Flockhart: Shed the extra quarter of a pound gained during holiday season from eating that half slice of summer sausage. 5. Eminem: Let people see more of my “happy, smiley” side. 4. David Letterman: Less “goofy” – more “wacky.” 3. Samuel L. Jackson: Try to mix in a motherf**kin’ expletive every now and then. 2. Catherine Zeta-Jones: Figure out how to get that “old person smell” out of everything I own. 1. Pets.com sock puppet: Finally get this fist outta my A! ================================================================= >-->In The WorldlyNews: >From BizarreNews: -- Brits buying top-end TP for holidays ---------- LONDON - British supermarkets say sales of premium toilet paper are spiking during the holiday season as people stock up on the soft stuff to impress guests. Store chain Sainsbury's said quilted, patterned and extra-thick toilet rolls accounted for 24 percent of overall toilet paper sales during the second week of November and increased to 35 percent during the second week of December, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday. Meanwhile, Asda said quilted toilet paper sales at its stores across Britain have increased by a factor of four in the past two weeks. Officials at the stores said they have also seen increases in sales of goods including Earl Grey tea and filter coffee at the expense of their cheaper counterparts on the shelves. "Embracing the inner 'snob' and 'keeping up with the Jones' syndrome is a trait often associated with the British," Asda spokeswoman Jennifer England said. "We've seen a distinct trend in shoppers trading up at this time of year." -- Teacher runs 13.1 miles backward ------------ HOUMA, La. - A Louisiana teacher said he has submitted his 13.1-mile backward run to the Guinness Book of World Records. Richard Strasbourg said he joined the city's Ole Man River Run in Houma, a half-marathon, during the weekend and ran 13.1 miles backward with a friend on either side keeping him on course, WDSU-TV, New Orleans, reported. "There was in the book a female record, but no male record, so I thought I'd give it a try," he said. "It felt really strange but I added a lap and it became a mile, and a mile and a half, and 2 miles. "When I talk about my running to the kids, my students, I try to inspire them to live a more adventurous life. Take a chance. Try something different. Try something new," Strasbourg said. The teacher said he is considering his options for attempting another record. "I'm thinking about something else, maybe jump rope. A half marathon or a marathon. Anything is possible. I'm feeling so good right now," he said. -- Man with knife in chest orders coffee ----------- WARREN, Mich. - Police in Michigan said a man with a 5-inch knife lodged in his chest walked into a restaurant, called 911, ordered coffee and sat down to wait for paramedics. Warren police said the 52-year-old man told the 911 operator he had been stabbed in Warren and walked half a mile to Bray's Hamburgers in Hazel Park to use the telephone, WDIV-TV, Detroit, reported Tuesday. Restaurant employees said the man then sat down and ordered a coffee while waiting for the ambulance. "It was like out of a movie," said George Mirdita, an employee at the restaurant. "It kind of freaked us all out here. Then, the customers realized it and they were all turning their heads in disgust." Police said the man, who told officers he was stabbed by a mugger for refusing to hand over money, was treated for his injury and is expected to make a full recovery. -- Hacked signs warn of hoax zombie attack ---------- GAINESVILLE, Fla. - Florida transportation officials said pranksters hacked two programmable traffic signs in Gainesville with hoax messages about a zombie attack. Gina Busscher, spokeswoman for the Florida Department of Transportation, told The Gainesville Sun at least two of the department's signs in the city were hacked Monday and reprogrammed with the warning: "ZOMBIE ATTACK!! EVACUATE." Busscher said officials believe the signs were hacked via telephone or by directly accessing the controls for the signs. She said the correct traffic messages were restored shortly after the hoax was reported by the husband of a department employee at 7 a.m. Monday. The spokeswoman said the controls for the signs have been padlocked to deter future pranksters. "We've not seen any zombies on University Avenue," Busscher said, "so apparently it worked well... We've not had a problem like this before." ========================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: >Quick Jokes: /|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\ / | \ || |____________--"" ( |__| ) | ( ) | || | | \ / | .-. | || | | |12| ]( 0 )[ || | | | | / `-' \ || | | | | / /' `\ \ || | | | | | | | | |%%| | | | | | | | | ,'`, | | | | | | | | |||| | | |14| | | | | |||| | | / __ \ \ \ / / |||| | | ( | | ) `-' `-' `--' `-' \| |/ pb Household Tools For Dummies: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use Duct Tape. ------ GOOD OL' COUNTRY SLANG "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!" "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style." "This'll jar your preserves." "Cute as a sack full of puppies." "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." "Gooder than grits." "The wheel's still turning, but the hamster's dead" "I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit." ------ My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help. She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!" SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com =================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24." "Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that's the price, not the meal number." "Oh," he said. "In that case give me the 12." -<>- A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her a smile and says, "I want a quickie." She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure you you're not going to get a quickie here!" "How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef to make an exception?" "He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress indignantly. "Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?" "I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly. A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE." -<>- Tour guides get bored spewing the same facts everyday. So these Philadelphia guides rewrote history. "Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the names of the streets. So Pine Street was lined with pines, etc." "The reason the kitchens were in the basement is because the long, flowing dresses of women would catch fire and they could run directly into the streets, instead of through the house, spreading fire." "The Lincoln statue in Fairmont Park shows him signing the Declaration of Independence." -<>- ___ ___ / \_.--. .-. .-. .--._/ \ | '-' / \ '-' | \___ \.___./ ___/ ,'---.__.-'::;::`-.__.---'. \'.'.'/::::::;::::::\'.'.'/ ____ '---|:::(88);(88):::|---' |----| __ \,-' ..;.. '-./ | | J J |::::::;::::::| .-| .-| |::(_):;:(_)::| '-' '-' ___....::::\::::_;_::::/:::....___ / \:::::/;'-""---""-':\::::/ \ `---.'::::/::::d88M-K88b::\:::'.---' _, |::::d8888PY888b::| _,-' \ /`-. |:::d8888P::Y8888b| \ \ / / |:d88888P;:::Y888PX. \ \ ,-/ / _.XXXX888P:;::::PXXXXXX. \ .-\ `" .-/ / 'XXXXX"::;:::,'XXX''\ .-\ '-' `" | 'X\\::;::// ' | `-' | |)---(| | \______/' `\______/ M-K A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what they had learned. Susie said, "He was born in a manger." Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple." Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it." Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?" "From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'" -<>- Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank still don't know how to swipe their card through the ATM card reader. Because of this, my fellow tellers and I often find ourselves having to explain how it's done. One teller complained that she kept getting odd looks every time she explained it. I found out why when I overheard her tell one man, "Strip down facing me." -<>- Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O'Hare airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket, or "chit." That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier. "Is this chit worth $10?" I asked. Looking up nervously, the cashier responded, "I'm sorry, sir. Was the meal that bad?" =============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** - Friendship can double our joy and divide our grief. ** Quotes on CHARACTER ** A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses. Proverbs 27:19 The purity of silver and gold can be tested in a crucible, but a man is tested by his reaction to men's praise. Proverbs 27:21 It's what you do when you have nothing to do that reveals what you are. Have character - don't be one! Your character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots are withered. Carve your name on hearts and not on marble. Character is much easier kept than recovered. How a man plays the game shows something of his character. How he loses shows all of it. You are what you are when no one is around. Life for some people is to sow wild oats during the week and then go to church Sunday and pray for a crop failure. Ability will enable a man to get to the top, but it takes character to keep him there. -<>- ** Working For Family ** My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said she'd phone back later. At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Marina had gone to lunch. The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day. May I take a message?" "Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?" -<>- ****** Regional idiosyncrasies ****** ** You're from the West Coast when... ** --You make over $250,000 and still can't affford to buy your own house. --The high school quarterback calls a time--out to answer his cell phone. --The fastest part of your commute is goingg down your driveway. --You know how to eat an artichoke. --You drive to your neighborhood block partty. ================================ ** You're from New York when... ** --You say "the city" and expect everyone too know you mean Manhattan. --You have never been to the Statue of Libeerty or the Empire State Building. --You can get into a four-hour argument aboout how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. --You think Central Park is "nature." --You've even worn out a car horn. --You think eye contact is an act of aggresssion. ================================= ** You're from Alaska when... ** --You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco. --Halloween costumes fit over parkas. --You have more than one recipe for moose. --Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with leess than eight buttons. --The four seasons are: almost winter, wintter, still winter, and construction. ================================= ** You're from the South when... ** --You get a movie and bait in the same storre. --"Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is pllural. --After a year you still hear, "You ain't ffrom 'round here, are ya?" ================================= ** You're from Colorado when... ** --You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. --You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care. --A pass does not involve a football or datting. --The top of your head is bald, but you stiill have a ponytail. --Your bridal registry is at REI. =============================== ** You're from the Midwest when... ** --You've never met any celebrities, but thee mayor knows your name. --Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waaiting to pass a tractor. --You have had to switch from "heat" to "A//C" on the same day. --You end sentences with a preposition: "Whhere's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with." --Your first job was detasseling. --When asked how your trip was to any exotiic place, you say, "It was different." -<>- ____________________________________________________ |____________________________________________________| | __ __ ____ ___ || ____ ____ _ __ | || |__ |--|_| || |_| |||_|**|*|__|+|+||___| || | | ||==|^^||--| |=||=| |=*=||| |~~|~| |=|=|| | |~||==| | || |##|| | | || | |JRO|||-| | |==|+|+||-|-|~||__| | ||__|__||__|_|_||_|_|___|||_|__|_|__|_|_||_|_|_||__|_| ||_______________________||__________________________| | _____________________ || __ __ _ __ _ | ||=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=| __..\/ | |_| ||#||==| / /| || | | | | | | | | | | |/\ \ \\|++|=| || ||==| / / | ||_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_/_/\_.___\__|_|__||_||__|/_/__| |____________________ /\~()/()~//\ __________________| | __ __ _ _ \_ (_ . _/ _ ___ _____| ||~~|_|..|__| || |_ _ \ //\\ / |=|__|~|~|___| | | | ||--|+|^^|==|1||2| | |__/\ __ /\__| |==|x|x|+|+|=|=|=| ||__|_|__|__|_||_|_| / \ \ / / \_|__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_________________ _/ \/\/\/ \_ _______________| | _____ _ __ |/ \../ \| __ __ ___| ||_____|_| |_|##|_|| | \/ __| ||_|==|_|++|_|-||| ||______||=|#|--| |\ \ o / /| | |~| | | ||| ||______||_|_|__|_|_\ \ o / /_|_|__|_|__|_|_||| |_________ __________\___\____/___/___________ ______| |__ _ / ________ ______ /| _ _ _| |\ \ |=|/ // /| // / / / | / ||%|%|%| | \/\ |*/ .//____//.// /__/__/ (_) / ||=|=|=| __| \/\|/ /(____|/ // / /||~|~|~|__ |___\_/ /________// ________ / / ||_|_|_| |___ / (|________/ |\_______\ / /| |______| / \|________) / / | | ** The Worst Library Book Ever ** Bubba stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, Sir?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book." -<>- ** The BIGGEST Lie ** A preacher was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the preacher was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog." -<>- ** TRAGEDY Defined ** (Political Humor, says Andy) President Barack Obama is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes (4th grade I believe). They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy." So our illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Obama, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Obama searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Obama, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy. "Fantastic," exclaims Obama, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss." -<>- ** Be Careful Of Your Accusations ** (Andy Does A Re-Run) Betty, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several local residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. However, she made a mistake when she recently accused Ted, a local man, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar one afternoon. Ted, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away without saying a word. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night. -<>- _.--._ _.--._ ,-=.-":;:;:;\':;:;:;"-._ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;::;:;:;:\ \\\;:;::;:;:;\:;:;:;::;:\ \\\;;:;:_:--:\:_:--:_;:;\ -shimrod \\\_.-" : "-._\ \`_..--""--.;.--""--.._=> " ** Look What I Found ** A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!!!" -<>- ** How To Become A Band Director ** A band director was having a lot of trouble with one of his drummers. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but performance didn't improve. Finally, in front of the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor." -<>- .-., ,--. ,--. `/|~\ \__/T`--' . x |`' __ ,-~^~-.___ ==I== | |--| / \__} | | | |{ /~\ } | /|\ \__/ \ \_/ /| /|\ / | \| | /`~-_-~'X.\ //| \ unknown ** The Bad Drummer ** As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered that the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified police, who arrested him. Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had?" he asked me. "I had him arrested," I replied. We said good-bye and hung up. A few minutes later my friend called back and asked, "How badly did he play?" -<>- ** Short Takes ** "We've begun to long for the pitter patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet." --Rita Rudner ================= "You know your children have grown up when they stop asking you where they came from and don't want to tell you where they are going." --Unknown ================= "I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on." --Clean Laffs reader. ================= "I think I deserve a raise," the man said to his boss. "You know...there are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?" "Well...the electric company, the phone company, and the gas company." -<>- _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| .----. / ( > | /| '--. ( ) ._ / || ]| `-. ) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::| ( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::| `/ `-./ `. || ]| ::| _ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-' / \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'( | |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------, | `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /| | \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / | | | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ | | /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) | \ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( | | | / `---` `===' / ) | / \ / / ( | | '------. |'--------------------'| ) | \ `-| | / | `--...,______| | ( | | | | | ) ,| | | | | ( /|| | | | | )/ `" / \ | | (/ jgs .' /I\ '.| | /) .-'_.'/ \'. | | / ``` `"""` `| .-------------------.|| `"` `"` ** TOP 25 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS ** ~ Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ~ Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. ~ Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them. ~ We put the "k" in "kwality." ~ Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity. ~ A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. ~ If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation. ~ If at first you don't succeed, try management. ~ Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. ~ Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself. ~ The beatings will continue until morale improves. ~ We waste time, so you don't have to. ~ Hang in there--retirement is only thirty years away! ~ Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. ~ A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. ~ When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break. ~ Indecision is the key to flexibility. ~ Succeed in spite of management. ~ Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment. ~ We waste more time by 9:30 in the morning than other companies do all day. ~ You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you. ~ Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore. ===================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) New Year Animations: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html Word Animations - NewYear: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html Drink Responsibly http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drink.html Real Playboy Bunny Calendar http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Small Thoughts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smallthoughts.html Best Bed Positions http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestparents.html Inspirational New Year http://www.annieshomepage.com/newyears.html Expensive Hotels http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Niagra Falls Frozen! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/niagarafalls.html Ten Life Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetips.html Top Ways To Stay Healthy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stayhealthy.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Census Bureau Home Page http://www.census.gov/ Microwave Peanut Brittle http://tinyurl.com/y8p7p9v Media Convert - free and on line - convert and split sound, ringtones, images, docs - http://media-convert.com/ --- ...Useful Good Ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: From Kathryn/Happy New Year http://adreamandasmile.com/Occ/NY_Happy_New_Year.html Rick w/ ~A New Years Prayer~ http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/NewYearPrayer.html Between Day And Night http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayandnight.html Daily Sunshine http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol01.html Chat Acronyms used in E-mail, IM, and Text Messaging http://www.sharpened.net/glossary/acronyms.php Water Power http://www.buffaloschips.com/71008.htm Way Cool Toy http://www.buffaloschips.com/71009.htm Wekker Problem http://www.buffaloschips.com/71010.htm Welcome Home http://www.buffaloschips.com/71601.htm Westfall Horse Video http://www.buffaloschips.com/71602.htm We Wish You A Merry Christmas http://www.buffaloschips.com/71603.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "President Obama says that this year for Christmas his daughters want an iPod, video games and some books. But boy — you should have seen the looks on their faces when he told them instead they're both getting universal health- care." -Conan O'Brien "President Obama said on a radio show this morning that he and Michelle decided several years ago not to exchange Christmas presents. My wife and I made the same decision a few years ago and let me tell you, it's a trap, Obama! Don't fall for it." -Jimmy Fallon "In Massachusetts, Republicans are upset over a new tax hike on dogs. It was slipped into a bill at the last minute by Democrats. Democrats claim they're only going to be taxing dogs that make over $250,000 a year, though." -Jay Leno "My father spent the last 20 years of his life writing letters. If someone thanked him for a wedding present, he thanked them for thanking him and there was no end to the exchange but death." -Evelyn Waugh "The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it. -Laurence Peter "Accuracy is to a newspaper what virtue is to a lady, but a newspaper can always print a retraction." -Adlai Stevenson "A new study shows that California has the dirtiest tap water in the country. California officials insist that the dirty water is fine as long as you chew it thoroughly." -Conan O'Brien "They used to say a recession is when your neighbor lost his job, and a depression is when you lost yours, but now they say a recession is when Wall Street gets bailed out, and a depression is what you get thinking about it." -Jay Leno "A new study found that women's faces age and wrinkle just like their mothers. The study was conducted by the American Society of Wrong Things to Say to Your Wife." -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! --------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS --------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************