Fish Impersonation And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press! It's been a cold weekend so staying inside was good and turned out pretty productive too! I was able to get our teaching from this last week's Inspiration up... .========. .========. // I .'..' \ // VI.'.,".\ || II .'..'| || VII..'..| || III .'."| || VIII,'.'| || IV ,','.| || IX.'".'.| || V '..'.'| || X .'..',| jgs .\_________/ .\_________/ The 2nd Commandment http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/2ndcommand.html And Last Week when we had our new page... Humor in Politics 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics3.html The same day I aired it, our friend Wesley sent us a forward of some more funnies to help us deal with the stress of this administration. I wrote him and let him know he was next! So yesterday I put his and a forward from our friend Viv together for a funny page. One of the cartoons is about Shamwow. In case you don't know about this product, this last year when our old dog was having trouble with his bladder, Paul saw these on TV and decided they were just what we needed to help clean up Frisky's messes. However when we got them, I was very upset and disappointed at them as they proved less good at absorbing liquids then a cheap dish towel from the dollar store and when we laundered them, they got even worse! So I particularly could understand and liked seeing this cartoon on it! Check out this latest SMILES here... Humor in Politics 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics4.html --- ...Thank You so Much Viv and Wesley! We needed that! :) ALSO Another Hottie! Talk about SMILES! This one should get all you who love our Lord Jesus Christ beaming! It comes from a forward from our friend Viv... -=[ Mary & Baby Jesus ]=- 12//96 . | . | . | \|/ \ / -= * =- '. .----. .' /|\ / \ ' | ' -= | .----. | | / /""\ | / \( / m m ' ) ) - ) / /-./~` ( ( `.`\ /| . ) )\ \/_/ / . | . ( ( \_.-'` \ ' / \ \.| -= <*^*^*> =- jgs |\____\\ | ( " ) | _) \ |()'"'()| _.-' , | | (___) | /| . ` ; (`-.___.-') /_/____________/ '-.___.-' Christ's Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesuslife.html --- ...I especially enjoyed doing this one up! Thanks Viv! =============================================================== Modern Art .------------------....___ ,;;;, / / /'''---/;;;;;;,., jgs \ \__\...---\;;;;;;;" '------------------'''' ```` A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. _____ /| "What on earth," she inquired of the artist .-'@ & #`'-. // standing nearby, "is that?" / % 8 \ // | m () _ | // He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear \ 0 ( '-._/ // lady, is supposed to be a mother and '-.____'. y her child." "Well then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?" =================================================================== + ------------ Bizarre December Holidays —————-+ December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day December 13 is Ice Cream and Violins Day December 14 is National Bouillabaisse Day December 15 is National Lemon Cupcake Day December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day December 17 is Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day December 18 is National Roast Suckling Pig Day December 19 is Oatmeal Muffin Day December 20 is Games Day ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatH :) .---. /_____\ ( '.' ) \_-_/_ .-"`'V'//-. / , |// , \ / /|Ll //Ll|\ \ / / |__// | \_\ \ \/---|[]==| / / \/\__/ | \/\/ |/_ | Ll_\| |`^"""^`| | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J |_ | _| jgs (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ >Red Shirt If the red shirt thing is new to you, read below how it went for a man... Last week, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag, but did not put two and two together. After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who'd been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired if he was heading home. No, he responded. Heading out I asked? No. I'm escorting a soldier home. Going to pick him up? No. He is with me right now. He was killed in Iraq ; I'm taking him home to his family. The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn't know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier’s family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days. I turned back to him, extended my hand, and said, Thank you Thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do. Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and made the following announcement over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine Corps join us on this flight He is escorting a fallen comrade back home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign." Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his action made me realize that I am proud to be an American. So here's a public Thank You to our military Men and Women for what you do so we can live the way we do. Red Fridays. Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the "silent majority." We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that ...... Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women a far will wear something red. By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once “silent" majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on. The first thing a soldier says when asked "What can we do to make things better for you?" is. "We need your support and your prayers." Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear something red every Friday. IF YOU AGREE -- THEN SEND THIS ON. IF YOU COULDN'T CARE LESS -- THEN HIT THE DELETE BUTTON --- ...Red Shirt Fridays! Thanks for the reminder PatH! =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him." -<>- _.-"""""-._ .' '. / \ ## .--. .--. ## ##_ ___ ___ __## _ ##-// \\=// \\-## _ / \# \\_0// \\_0// #/ \ \( \ '-;' ';-' / )/ |) | | (| \_/| / \ |\_/ | \__.-.__/ | \ .==.==. / '. \`---`/ .' jgs `. `"""` .' '-...-' A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in. He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out." "Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." -<>- One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain." The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said. "But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe." "Do you?" he asked. "Then where are your umbrellas?" -<>- .---. /_____\__ .===. _ _ `\/6.6\/--` / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ ( _ ) \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ,'---', ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. / _ \ _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ /\/ (_) \/\ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) .=@=. \ | (_) | / /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( / \ \| |/ \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \ 6.6 / |_____| \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ ( _ ) | | | | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) .-'---'-. | | | |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ / . . \ \__|__/ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ _/ /| . |\ \_ |_|_| |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"`(__/{`"==="`}\__) jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ /\_ _/\ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) _| /`"`\ |_ ( \ / \ / ) \_/ \_/ I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance." -<>- There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the peephole and asked, "Who's there?" "Parcel post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature." "Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up. "Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced. "Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house, I'd probably just use these." And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door. -<>- One night a fellow drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. The next night the man and his wife were driving to a res- taurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?" -<>- Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde says, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?" -<>- .---. /_____\__ `\/6.6\/--` ( _ ) ,'---', / _ \ /\/ (_) \/\ \ | (_) | / \| |/ |_____| | | | | | | \__|__/ |_|_| jgs _|_|_|_ (___|___) A school boy was writing his memory verse for the day on the blackboard, "Do one to others as others do one to you." -<>- Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!" -<>- A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. -<>- @@@@@@@@ @@_ _@@ @ o\ /o @ ( > ) \ == / .--\____/--. .---\ '----' /----. jgs / `-. .-' \ "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle." -<>- The thunder god went for a ride, upon his favorite filly. "I'm Thor," he cried. .\\\\\ _, ,_\\\\\\//|, \/\\\`') ////, / __ `\////, | /a/ `\////, / ` `\///, / / \///, / __/ \///, |O) //` \ \//, '.___;' | `//, The horse replied, "You forgot your thaddle, thilly." ============================================================= >-->In The World News: >Breaking Health Alert: FDA posts Nationwide Recall United States Food and Drug Administration Posts Nationwide Recall... Details and product info link: http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=437&z=43 THE EMERGENCY EMAIL & WIRELESS NETWORK http://www.EmergencyEmail.org -<>- >We're Not Going To Take It - ANY MORE!!! A Call of Christian Conscience Christians, when they have lived up to the highest ideals of their faith, have defended the weak and vulnerable and worked tirelessly to protect and strengthen vital institutions of civil society, beginning with the family. We are Orthodox, Catholic, and evangelical Christians who have united at this hour to reaffirm fundamental truths about justice and the common good, and to call upon our fellow citizens, believers and non-believers alike, to join us in defending them. These truths are: 1. the sanctity of human life 2. the dignity of marriage as the conjugal union of husband and wife 3. the rights of conscience and religious liberty. Read more Here: http://www.manhattandeclaration.org/ -<>- {POLITICS] >From Christian Coalition Of America: Latest on Obamacare in the U.S. Senate http://cc.org/blog/capitol_hill_update_latest_obamacare_us_senate ---------- Political Roundup: 12-4-09 Who needs Washington? Time magazine seems a bit surprised the fewer Americans want Washington's "help". In an article entitled "The End of Audacity", they cite a "startling" poll showing just that... ..In today's hard economic times, something startling began showing up in public-opinion polls: fewer people than in the past wanted Washington to step in. In the latest NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, only 23% of respondents said they trust the government "always or most of the time"--the smallest proportion in 12 years... (Read More) http://www.cc.org/blog/political_roundup_12409 -<>- [POLITICS] >From Conservatie Outpost: Obamacare still a good deal for illegal aliens: In what should come as a shock to absolutely nobody in this country, a look at the details of the latest version of Obamacare demonstrates that it's still a sweet deal for the millions of illegal (soon to be given amnesty) aliens in this country. A report from the Center for Immigration Studies took a look at the fine print of both the current House and Senate versions of health care "reform", (all 4,000 plus pages) and finds that, surprise, illegals will indeed get access to taxpayer funded health care benefits. The highlights: * HR 3962 ensures illegal alien access to the exchange and public option. HR 3590 states illegal immigrants are excluded from these. * Both bills ostensibly bar illegal aliens from receiving the premium subsidy, and both bills use some form of eligibility verification for the subsidy. * Both bills expand Medicaid eligibility. Both bills lack verification requirements based on citizenship or immigrant status. Both contain serious loopholes to enroll illegal aliens easily into Medicaid. HR 3962 automatically covers anchor babies. * The eligibility verification process in each bill falls woefully short of protecting taxpayer liability to cover or subsidize people living unlawfully in the United States. Both the House and Senate bills’ verification processes will encourage large-scale fraud and abuse. * The Senate bill exempts illegal aliens from the mandate that everyone have health insurance or else face a tax penalty. This perverse exemption treats illegal aliens better than the bill treats American citizens. The Senate is debating this issue this week...and the House will probably take it up again next month. Be sure to click here and let your reperesentatives and senators hear from you before they vote. More Here: http://www.conservativeoutpost.com/campaign/cta/tell_congress_no_socialized_medicine -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Man names self after potato chips ————- LONDON – A British fan of Monster Munch potato chips has undergone a legal name change to share the same moniker as his favorite brand of snack food. Monster Munch, 26, said he changed his name from Chris Hunt by deed poll because he has always loved the brand and his friends did not believe he would go through with the name change when he first started talking about it, The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. “They looked at me like I was nuts and dared me to change my name,” Munch said. “I don’t think they thought I would go through with it, but now I demand to be called either ‘Monster’ or ‘Mr. Munch.’” -- Woman finds ‘Virgin Mary’ on pancake ———– GLENDALE, Ariz. – An Arizona woman said she was given peace and comfort from an unlikely source — a pancake bearing an image she said resembles the Virgin Mary. Bianca Lopez said she was cooking Batter Blaster pancakes for her family a few days before Thanksgiving at their Glendale home and she noticed the image of Jesus’ mother looking back at her from the final pancake of the batch, KNXV-TV, Phoenix, reported Thursday. “I think it’s God’s way of telling us that the holidays aren’t just about presents. It’s about… spending time with your family and friends and telling us to not forget about him, that he’s always there watching over us and taking care of us,” Lopez said. Lopez said she is keeping the pancake safe in her freezer until she can decide what to do with it. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) CDC warning details and phishing alert email example... http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=436&z=29 || || (\../) || || _||____________||____(oo)____||___________||_ -||------------||---"----"---||-----------||- _||____________||__@( __ )___||___________||_ -||------------||----"--"----||-----------||- || || || ||jgs ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Visit the National Swine Flu Situation Page tm http://www.vuetoo.com/vue1/Situationpagenews.asp?af=&sit=4540&z=&np=&tp=14 --- ...Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- This will drive you up a wall !! http://www.quizyourprofile.com/guessyournumber.swf and please don't ask how this works -<>- ___ /___\ |/. .\| ( > ) \ < / _)_(_ .' '. /.-.___.-.\ [_________] | | | , | | -|- | | | | | | | | | | .---------. __,-'---------'-,__ __jgs___|___________________|_________ Sorry to bother you, but it is very urgent. I have a friend who came from far away and need a place to stay. Well i suggested your place. I ask you to receive and love HIM. HIS name is JESUS CHRIST. Now say quietly:YOU CAN ENTER, LORD, I NEED YOU, CLEANSE MY HEART WITH YOUR BLOOD AND BLESS ME AN MY FAMILY. Send to your contacts and you will receive a miracle. If you believe in God send this message to 20 people if they refuse, remember that JESUS said "if you deny ME among men I will deny you before My Father." --- ...Your 'friend' is welcome here ANY time - Always! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- -=[ Joseph, Mary, and Jesus ]=- 12/98 . ' ' . ' /\ ' + ' || ' + |\ || /| ' - . \\||// . - ' -= <>>>><<<<> =- . - ' //||\\ ' - . |/ || \| + . || . + . || . ' .||. ' \/ LOOK, LISTEN, ENJOY Watch this more than once. http://www.thedreamsmovie.com/ --- ...Love The Pics - Sweet! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- >Leap Frog Test good luck I did it once :) http://funstufftosee.com/frogleaptest.html -<>- sSSSSSSs SSS'\\\\SS SSS` - -'SS SS(, a \a S SSSSS -' |S 'SSS\ '= /S/| 'S|`-. __.' / | .-'| `-.__.' .-\ / /-. | | { _/ \_ } | | `| | | | | '. | | .' jgs '-.| |.' `"` >Oklahoma's OK OKLAHOMA MAY JUST BE THE PLACE TO LIVE! An update from Oklahoma : Oklahoma law passed, 37 to 9, had a few liberals in the mix, an amendment to place the Ten Commandments on the front entrance to the state capitol. The feds in D.C., along with the ACLU, said it would be a mistake. Hey this is a conservative state, based on Christian values...! HB 1330 Guess what.......... Oklahoma did it anyway. Oklahoma recently passed a law in the state to incarcerate all illegal immigrants, and ship them back to where they came from unless they want to get a green card and become an American citizen. They all scattered. HB 1804. Hope we didn't send any of them to your state. This was against the advice of the Federal Government, and the ACLU, they said it would be a mistake. Guess what........... Oklahoma did it anyway. Recently we passed a law to include DNA samples from any and all illegals to the Oklahoma database, for criminal investigative purposes. Pelosi said it was unconstitutional. SB 1102 Guess what........ Oklahoma did it anyway. Several weeks ago, we passed a law, declaring Oklahoma as a Sovereign state, not under the Federal Government directives. Joining Texas , Montana and Utah as the only states to do so. More states are likely to follow: Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, the Carolina's, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, Arkansas, West Virginia, Mississippi, Florida. Save your confederate money, it appears the South is about to rise up once again. HJR 1003 The federal Government has made bold steps to take away our guns. Oklahoma, a week ago, passed a law confirming people in this state have the right to bear arms and transport them in their vehicles. I'm sure that was a set back for the criminals (and Obamaites). Liberals didn't like it -- But ... Guess what........... Oklahoma did it anyway. Just this month, my state has voted and passed a law that ALL driver's license exams will be printed in English, and only English, and no other language. We have been called racist for doing this, but the fact is that ALL of our road signs are in English only. If you want to drive in Oklahoma , you must read and write English. Really simple. By the way, Obama does not like any of this. Guess what....who cares... Oklahoma is doing it anyway. --- ...Go Oklahoma! Thanks Jo Ann! Here is the truth of this matter: eRumors http://www.erumors.net/rumors/o/oklahoma-laws.htm Snopes.com http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/pending/oklahoma.asp =========================================================== >-->From Both Our Friends Jo Ann And Wesley :) [POLITICS] o888o 88P .( 88 _/ ### /_( #/ )) # \==/_ .=\ \; \\ / \ / \| \\ |-- ()--|\ .==. \ / \ / ( () ) jgs `====' '==' >HR 615 Congressman John Fleming has proposed an amendment that would require Congressmen and Senators to take the same health care plan that they would force on us. (Under proposed legislation they are exempt..) Congressman Fleming is encouraging people to go to his Website and sign his petition. The process is very simple. I have done just that at: http://fleming.house.gov/index.html --- ...Thank You Jo Ann and Wesley... However, I believe 'what goes around comes around' so if I sign something to make them take Obama Health Care - that means it'll come back and hit me in the butt and make me take the stupid thing! I don't wish this on my worst enemies! - For this reason: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you! No one should be forced to be under this Health Care! ============================================================== __w ,%%%% .%%%_/ ,_ %%/(___// %%||))-' ,%%%)\( %%%/ \\ ,%%\ ; % | | | | / | jgs /___| >-->Things you would never know without the movies... ...All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. ...If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. ...All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. ...All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread. ...It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. ...Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. ...The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. ...If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now. ...You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. ...Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. ...If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. ...The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Del :) [POLITICS] ___ .' '. / / \ |___/'._| || . . || ( ) ) |\ = /| ) '._.' ( ;--' _ '--; / (_) \ | < | > | \ '._|_.' / jgs_'.__/___\__.'_ | | | | | | | | >545 versus 300,000,000...interesting!! Here it is again, heed or bleed. Politicians could care less about you except when it's time to vote. 1/3 of the Senate and all of Congress is up for vote in 2010--get the phonies out and clamor for TERM LIMITS for these useless employees YOU hired!!! KEEP THIS ONE GOING TILL NEXT ELECTIONS ARE DONE. IT MAY BE OUR ONLY HOPE. We need to vote out all 545 and start all over. This email should be passed on all over the USA . Elections start next year, let us get them out! 545 versus 300,000,000 EVERY CITIZEN NEEDS TO READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS JOURNALIST HAS SCRIPTED IN THIS MESSAGE. READ IT AND THEN REALLY THINK ABOUT OUR CURRENT POLITICAL DEBACLE. Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years. 545 PEOPLE By Charlie Reese Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them. Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits? Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes? You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does. You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does. You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does. You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does. You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does. One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country. I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank. I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes. Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it. The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to. It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist. If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair. If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red. If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way. There are no insoluble government problems. Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do. Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible. They, and they alone, have the power. They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses. Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees. We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess! Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper. What you do with this article now that you have read it.......... Is up to you. This might be funny if it weren't so darned true. Be sure to read all the way to the end: Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table At which he's fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts Anyway! Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think. Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries Tax his tears. Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his ass. Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough. When he screams and hollers; Then tax him some more, Tax him till He's good and sore. Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid. Put these words Upon his tomb, Taxes drove me to my doom...' When he's gone, Do not relax, It’s time to apply The inheritance tax. Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL license Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Excise Taxes Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon) Gross Receipts Tax Hunting License Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges/IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Personal Property Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service Charge Tax Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax Sales Tax Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?' And I still have to 'press 1' for English!? I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times!!! YOU can help it get there!!! GO AHEAD - - - BE AN AMERICAN!!! Attack life! It's going to kill you anyway. "It's Your World, Pay Attention" --- ...So true! Thanks Del! ============================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: _._ .' '. | / //\\\ \ | ( ( -\- ) ) | '-\_=_/-' // .-'\ /'-. (|/ / '-' \ / / | \__ __/_/\/ /| | |\ / \ / \ \ \ '-' `\/\ ; |/|\ | | | | | | | |_______| | | | \ | / jgs /=|=\ (_/T\_) 'Twas the Night Before Finals' T'was the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays Danced in their heads. Out in the sports field, There were some throwing, In hope that some exercise Would get their brains going. In my own apartment, I had been pacing, Dreading all those exams I soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His nose in his books, And my comments to him Drew unfriendly looks. I drained all the coffee, And brewed a new pot, No longer caring That my nerves were shot. I stared at my notes, But my thoughts were all muddy, My eyes went a'blur, I just couldn't study. "Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver, But each place I called Refused to deliver. I'd pretty much concluded Life is unfair and cruel, Since our futures all depend On grades made in school. When all of a sudden, Our door opened wide, And Patron Saint Put-It-Off Ambled inside. Her spirit was careless, Her manner was mellow, She looked at the mess And started to bellow: "Why should us students Make such a fuss, About what those teachers Toss out to us?" "On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On Last Year's Exams! On Wingit and Slingit, And Last Minute Crams!" Her message delivered, She vanished from sight, But we heard her laughing Outside in the night. "Your teachers won't flunk you, So just do your best. Happy Finals to All, And to All, a good test." -<>- More Driving lessons As a student driver in New York City, I was taking the road test for my driver's license. When someone cut me off, I held my temper so I wouldn't look out of control. "You have a lot to learn," said the inspector. At a red light, the car behind tapped my bumper. I remained calm while the inspector shook his head. When the light turned, I accelerated, but the car behind sped up and cut me off. That did it! I hit the horn as hard as I could. The inspector turned to me, smiled and said, "Now you're getting the hang of it." [Thanks to Reader's Digest www.rd.com.] -<>- .{{}}}}}}. {{{{{}}}}}}}. {{{{ {{{{{}}}} }}}}} _ _ {{{{{ }}}} e e }}}} {{{{{ ^ {{{{ }}}}}}\ -=- /}}}}} {{{{{{{;.___.;}}}}}} {{{{{{{) (}}}}}}' jgs `""'"': :'"'"'` `@` >My Sister on Christmas Morning! A blonde calls up her best friend (a brunette) one day because she is very upset. "I can't get this jigsaw puzzle put together, and I've been trying for weeks," she cries. "Could you please come over and help me before I go crazy?" "What kind of puzzle is it?" asks the brunette. The blonde says, "Well, there is a rooster on the box, but there are so many pieces, and it's so confusing. I just don't know where to start!" Her friend is the compassionate sort and says, "I'll be right over." So off to the blonde's house she goes. When she gets there, she takes one look at the table and turns to her friend and says: "Put the Corn Flakes back in the box." -<>- , O }\ o ) \ .' `\ . ( }}< ( 6> ) ) ) / `, .' ( ( ( ( }/ ) ) ) ) ' ( ( ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ FishMan 1995 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin "Fish-Impersonation Deaths On the Rise in Melbourne" (29 November 1995, Australia) The badly decomposed remains of Neil of Melbourne were discovered in a paddock near Toolondo Reservoir. Neil's death was shrouded in mystery, tragedy, and a fish suit. Local law enforcement officials said the 49-year-old man was wearing a "heavy, green plastic bodysuit," which he apparently constructed from old waterbed material. The suit, from which one could only be extricated painstakingly after unfastening a full-length zipper along the spine, constricted his legs into one mermaidesque tail. The only openings in the suit, aside from the zipper, were two eyeholes. Neil's garb, enclosing his entire body like a maritime mummy costume, restricted his breathing as well as his movement. He was discovered in this attire, which the Melbourne Fish Costume Bureau stresses was "not approved," less than a kilometer from Toolondo Lake. He apparently had attempted to swim back to his home. ______ `""-. `````-----.....__ `. . . `-. : . . `. , : . . _ : : `. : (@) `._ `. `..' . =`-. .__} ; . = ~ : .-" .' .'`. . . =.-' `._ .' : .' : . .' ' .' . . . .-' jgs .'____....----''.'=.' "" .'.' ''"'` A second, yellow-colored suit was found in his garage. The psychological motivation for Neil's fatal excursion remains unclear. Police have learned that he was taking medications for epilepsy and diabetes at the time, and speculate that his behavior may have had a chemical basis, but locals have their own theories about the aquatic abberation. "He wanted to be a fish," disclosed one unnamed resident, recalling incidents in which Wilson would swing from a rope while wearing the suit at the lake. Other comments from the Australian community included "bollocks" and "criminey." Wilson's death brings the Melbourne fish impersonation fatality toll to one, up infinity percent from zero in the previous year. Guest Writer: Troy Plattner © 1994 - 2002 Submitted by: Warren Harrop Reference: Herald Sun -<>- ,-'-. _., . ( '("'-' '). ( ' (( |. )\/( ) '( )) | () |" | | ') ( . ,-. ,-.. __.) /) / ' / / /) / / PjP >A TEST OF YOUR MORALITY AND ETHICS No cheating permitted!!! With all your honour and dignity, what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thinking... By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, but yet spontaneous. Please scroll down s l o w l y - this is important for the test to work correctly. You're in Florida... In Miami, to be exact... There is a huge chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and all the flooding. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. The nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly you see a man, steering a big van... He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud... You move closer... Somehow the man looks familiar, maybe even important... Suddenly you know who it is -it's Barack Hussein Obama! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever... You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of Barack Hussein Obama, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo... A photo displaying the death of a very powerful man... And here's the question: (Please give an honest answer) Will you make the photo black and white, or colour ? --- buttwiser ========================================================== >-->The Cameron Column # 194 A FREE Internet Newsletter brought to you by W. Bruce Cameron in sort of an electronic version of a holiday fruitcake. Hey, visit the Cameron Column Website at http://www.wbrucecameron.com/ where I have just posted a harrowing tale, "Escape from Cleveland." Write to me at Bruce@wbrucecameron.com ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks to everyone who has written me to let me know that an essay I wrote years ago, "Letter to a High School Principal," has been floating around the internet again, sometimes with my name on it, and sometimes not. I've gotten a lot of e-mail from people suggesting that when it comes to insisting on my copyright, I should go and somehow have sex with myself. I point out that all I ask in return for people's free enjoyment of my work is that they keep my name on it when they pass it along to others. Is that really so much to ask? Thanks to all my readers who honor my copyright! That column, a letter, made me think of THIS column, another letter. This one has never been on the web before. -- Bruce ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb Letter to My Dog Copyright 2003 W. Bruce Cameron www.wbrucecameron.com Dear Dog: Since you seem to have so much trouble processing the English language no matter how loudly it is spoken to you, I thought perhaps I could communicate with you more effectively if I wrote down my thoughts. First, please allow me to assure you that you are not starving. In fact, if the newspapers bothered to publish a canine version of those irritating "body-mass indices" that my daughter so delights in reading aloud to me, I'm sure we would discover that you've got far more waddle in your walk than is strictly necessary. The way you visually track every bite of food I take, with a trembling expression of frantic pleading, is most annoying. Speaking of walks: We've been taking the same route around the same block for nine years. For you to sob, whine, and tremble every time I get out your leash is just crazy. And would you please stop rolling in road kill? Dead animals smell like...well, like dead fish. There is a reason I give you a bath every single time you roll in something--it is NOT a coincidence. Here's a news flash: Our next-door neighbors LIVE THERE. They have a right to be in their own yard! Stop barking at them through our windows! Your crazed fury is especially irritating in view of the fact that when you actually encounter them in person you flop on your back and let them rub your tummy. As a guard dog, you're about as intimidating as a gerbil. The following are not digestible: Balloons. Crayons. Socks. I can show you evidence out in the yard. Stop eating them; they are not food! I do not mind rolling down the window for you when we are in the car. I don't even mind that the air rushing up your nostrils makes you sneeze. What I do mind is that you always pull your head into the car to share your sneeze with the back of my neck. Keep your head in or out, that's all I ask. Our front door is three inches of solid wood; you cannot tunnel through it. Stop clawing! Don't we always let you out when you need to go? The bushes in the back yard cost a lot of money, but there is nothing of value hidden under them. Stop digging for buried treasure! The stuff in the trash can is not your food. Oh, and your expression of shocked innocence when we accuse you of dining at the garbage buffet is not nearly as persuasive as the forensic evidence left strewn around the kitchen. Stop blaming the cat; she doesn't eat anything that costs less than a dollar an ounce. Oh, and speaking of the cat, just because she gets to sleep on the bed doesn't mean that you do too. Did you think we wouldn't notice all the dog fur on our bedspread when we got home? And another thing: I do not wake up at the same time every day! On days we don't work, we're allowed to sleep past our normal waking time. Stop licking my face because your internal clock says it is time for breakfast. Don't dogs DO weekends? Look, you do make me crazy sometimes. But I suppose I have to admit that even though you're lazy (you probably won't even bother to read this letter!) and don't seem very bright, you do have your positive attributes. You're the only one in the family who will get up and pace with me in front of the window when it's past curfew and my teenage daughter is parked in the driveway with her date. You're the only one who likes my cooking, and you share my opinion that we don't need a cat. After nine years of living with you, I suppose life just wouldn't be the same without you. Wanna go for a walk? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ For reprint permission, including web sites, please write me at Bruce@wbrucecameron.com This newsletter may be distributed freely via e-mail but you MUST include the following copyright information: The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 2003 http://www.wbrucecameron.com/ ========================================================== ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a >-->If Men Ruled The World Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an accep- table response To "I love you." Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL Team of your choice. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a bronto- saurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. Tanks would be far easier to rent. Garbage would take itself out. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps." ============================================================= _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >-->Dr. Seuss's Guide to the Internet (with apologies to Dr. Seuss) Here's an easy game to play. Here's an easy thing to say. If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your internal disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! You can't say this? What a shame, sir! We'll find you Another game, sir. If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol That's repeatedly rejected by your printer down the hall, And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of Gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC, Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Disney Christmas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas.html What Is Love? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html Miracle Baby http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smellofrain.html Lamb Of God http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/lamb.html Miniture Wonderland http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html World Of Wonder http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofwonder.html -<>- >From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) The Real Bambi And Thunper! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bambi.html --- ...Thanks For The Sweet Reminder Maxy's Pal! -<>- >From Our Friend Sandi :) Check this out! Surprised Kitty http://video.yahoo.com/watch/6522901?fr=yvmtf --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Sandi! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Coffee Cups http://tinyurl.com/ktkhn8 The John Davies Gallery http://tinyurl.com/ybrj66m Toothpick City II - ToothpickCity.com http://www.toothpickcity.com/ --- ...Pretty Interesting! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: United States Holocaust Memorial Museum Via Dianne http://www.ushmm.org/ Kitty Is In Love http://www.buffaloschips.com/87y5r.htm Kiwi Bacon Mmmm! http://www.buffaloschips.com/43r.htm Loafing http://www.buffaloschips.com/5r5.htm Looking For My Wallet And Car Keys http://www.buffaloschips.com/7y.htm Lundi http://www.buffaloschips.com/8uh.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Men are gluttons for punishment. They fight over women for the chance to fight with them." - Vincent Price "Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering." - Annonymous "If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman." - Margaret Thatcher "No matter what you do, be honest. That sticks out in Washington." - Arizona Senator Barry Goldwater "Fools and wise men are equally harmless. It is the half fools and the half wise who are dangerous." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership." - Dwight D. Eisenhower "There's one thing about being a president - nobody can tell you when to sit down." - Dwight D. Eisenhower >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************