Get Out And Vote... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our long time Shangrala Angel, M.D. from MO! She has been stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with her sweet donations year after year! We sure do thank God for her and all our past wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our too hot to handle new page is from our friends LouiseAu and Fran. One thing we've seen over and over again this year is that supporters of Trump are having lots of fun. They hold boat, truck and car 'Trump Train' parades that have thousands joining in even without Trump there. On the other hand Biden and even Obama can barely get a hundred to come to their events with them there! This page will give you plenty of Smiles if you are like most Americans and love our President Trump. The rest should just hide in their basement like their leader, Biden, does most of the time! Check this fun one out here - sound on... .. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .$$$$. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .$$$$$ * * * * * * * * * * ::::::::::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::' * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$F * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$$$$$$" ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L ;; ;::::::::::::::::;; ;;:::. $$$$$$" "" $$$$$; Donna Shepherd ^$$" $$$$ "" Humor In Politics 20 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics20.html --- ...Absolutely great - Just like Trump! Thanks Ladies! Our second hot new page is from our friend Linda. It is sure to perk your interest with its little known facts that may just surprise you that you never knew of them before! Be sure to check this one out here... |..| ? ? c >| ? \'/ /><\ unknown Amazing Trivia Facts 9! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts9.html --- ...Awesome! Thanks Linda! -<>- .0. / \ ; \_/ ; | | | | | | _______; ;_______ `======='\ /`=======` \ / _ | | _ _( \____|=|____/ )_ ( .---. .---. ) `-' / \ '-' / HUG \ ; ; | .---.|__, jgs : / :--' .--\ \ | `" `"".-' < =""` `"== `""""""` =""` `"""===="""` =""` `""==="""` *~* We Had A FANTASTIC Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month *~* Be sure to check these out and share them with all your loved ones! Life Hacks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifehacks.html Italy's Lifeguard Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeguarddogs.html The Pet Python! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/python.html Duesenberg Model! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/duesenberg.html Funny T-Shirt Wisdom! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teeshirts.html When Artists Get Bored 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored4.html The Newly Born! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newlyborn.html Jean-Marc Janiaczyk Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jean-marc.html Weird Rainy Days 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday2.html Australia's Dugouts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia2.html _ ______ / `'. ,-"` '. / /'-.'. ___ .' \ \/ '.\.' ' | .| .'`\ | /`"'--., / \ , _.--'` \/_ | ,----.| _ `_--;` ``` `\-. | | \ | -- C -- _/ \ \ | \ 0 0 / . | | \| ) | '. _.' |.__/ ; \ `'---` / / __ '. .' | (__) /'-._____,-` \ /---'.-""-.\ '. / ||,- \\ ;---`;-._||-= |\ , ."""-. \ ) `|'.___.' \ ___ \'. / '-. \ /`-`-; / \ ,/ `) \ \| \ `` | | \|| / /'.| )_ / || | | \/ .' \ \ .-'/ ` |` |.-' .-~ ~-~-._ |.'` \ ` '-. \___/,__/ ~` _ `~~-., `-.,_\_)`-.,_\) `~-,___ ~___~,,..-~~/ jgs \___/`\____/'._.' *~* Big THANK YOU And Huggums In Christ To All Our Super Contributors! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman. "Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman. "Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know." "And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman. "Well," says the businessman, thinking it best to play along, "I suppose I'd ease off on Mr Accelerator, and switch on Mr Headlights and Mr Windscreen wipers." The policeman leans in the window and eyeballs the businessman. "I asked you what you were planning on doing if you met MIST OR FOG!" And threw the book at him. -<>- .' `'. / _ | #_/.\==/.\ (, \_/ \\_/ | -' | ,\ = / /| .-'|`-. __.' / | / | `-.__.' .-\ /-. | | { _/ \_ } | | `| | | | | '. | | .' jgs '-.| |.' `"` >The Top 15 Signs You Read Too Many Comic Books 1. More than a little disappointed you didn't get invited to Superman's wedding. 2. Keep memorizing words like "SSPPLLAATT", "KAPOW", and "BLAMMMMO" for school spelling bee. 3. Your resume lists your last three jobs as Defender of the Galaxy, Sidekick to Defender of the Galaxy, and Assistant Manager of InterGalactic 7-11. 4. You shout "Curses! Foiled again" when they forget the catsup at the drive-through. 5. You whack your boss over the head with a hammer and are surprised when his head doesn't pop back into shape. 6. Despite repeated attempts to stop speeding cars with your bare hands, neighbors still think you're just a suicidal lunatic. 7. At age 43, you set the regional subscription record for Grit Magazine. 8. Your compulsive self-narrative renders you too transparent for a career in real estate or car repair. 9. You're the only one wearing a cape at step aerobics. 10. "Holy 40-year-old sidekick, Robin!" 11. Wife is getting tired of you introducing her as "My trusty sidekick." 12. Most of your sick days are due to "the effects of the earth's yellow sun." 13. Refusing to admit you're drunk, you vow revenge on the evil "Flaccidus" for your inability to "perform." 14. Your secret identity keeps drinking all the beer. 15. Your attempts at becoming "Danger Cloud" are proving hard on the underwear. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 2 is All Soul's Day, Deviled Egg Day, Look for Circles Day and Plan Your Epitaph Day November 3 is Cliche Day, Housewife's Day, Sandwich Day and U.S. General Election Day November 4 is King Tut Day, Check Your Blood Pressure Day and Use Your Common Sense Day November 5 is Gunpowder Day, Guy Fawkes Day and Men Make Dinner Day November 6 is Marooned without a Compass Day, National Nacho Day, Saxophone Day November 7 is Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day and Book Lovers Day November 8 is Cook Something Bold Day and Dunce Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ >Ticket Quota? A policeman friend of ours had stopped at our cafe for coffee and was getting ready to leave. "Go out and get'em!" I said. "I suppose everyone gets a ticket today?" "I don't really give out many tickets," he said seriously. "Oh come on," I teased, "you'd give your own mother a ticket." "No, my mother never drove a car," he said, still serious. Then a grin spread over his face. "I did catch her jaywalking once." he said, "and I issued her a warning. But that's all." -<>- >Do You Sing? "Do you sing?" "Of course I do." "What kind of music?" "Aquapella." "Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without accompaniment?" "Nope. I mean 'aquapella,' singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower head." -<>- >Tying Shoes There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her 6 year- old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks. "I've just figured out how to tie my shoes." "Well, Honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognized his victory in the struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?" "Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it every day for the rest of my life." -<>- >Unable to Speak A man who was involved in a serious accident was unable to speak when he regained consciousness. Wishing to know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bed stand, wrote "Date?" on it and gave it to his nurse. She handed it back to him - after she had replied with the word "Married." -<>- >Parking Ticket Recently in traffic court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the officer again, tell him he owes you 157 dollars. Next..." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | >SMILES During his wedding rehearsal, the groom approached his pastor with an unusual offer. "I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows, and leave out the 'love, honor, obey, and forsake all others' part." He pressed a $100 bill in the pastor's hand and walked away with a satisfied smile. On the day of the wedding, the groom was feeling pretty pleased when the pastor got to the part where the vows are exchanged. The pastor looked him in the eye and asked, "Will you promise to bow before her, obey whatever command she gives, fulfill her every wish, serve her breakfast each morning, and swear before God that you'll not look at another woman as long as you both shall life?" The groom gulped and looked astonished, but he finally said "Yes" in a tiny voice. He then leaned in toward the pastor and whispered, "I thought we had a deal!" The pastor pressed the $100 bill back into his hand and whispered in return, "She made me a much better offer. ---------- In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair. Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission Impossible." ---------- A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION." ---------- Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!" Drunk girl: "What's that mean?" Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast." Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon." Drunk guy: "Huh?" Drunk girl: "That's French toast." ---------- The doorbell rang and the little girl ran to open the door. In the doorway stood a man with a clipboard. He explained he was from the Census Bureau and wanted to know how many were in the family. Coming over, drying her hands on her apron, the mother said, "Let's see. There's me and my husband, and my children Tracy, Katherine, Amanda, Alfred, Benjamin--" The census taker interrupted, saying, "I'm not interested in the names. The numbers will be enough." The little girl pitched in. "We don't use numbers. We haven't run out of names yet!" ---------- The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!" The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?" "I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "That's what they're fighting about!" ------- My young daughter was wearing a beat up old watch a friend had given her. I asked her, "Does it tell the time?" My daughter looked at me and said, "No, you have to look at it." -------- When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. -------- Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself." Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job." -------- Cop: "Please step out of the car." Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in." -------- I think I can faintly remember that there was a day when I was able to get up without making sound effects. -------- Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. -------- When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say 'nothing,' it doesn't mean that I am free, it means I am doing nothing. -------- I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on. -------- When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?" -------- When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery? -------- I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited. -------- It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles. -------- That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master. -------- The older I get, the earlier it gets late. -------- A little boy was fascinated as he watched his mother smooth cold cream on her face. "Mommy," he asked, "why do you put that stuff on your face?" "To make myself beautiful," his mother replied as she began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Are you giving up?" ---------- A man giving a long-winded speech finally says: "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the crowd says: "There's a calendar behind you." ---------- "When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He said, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'" - Jerry Lewis (1926 – 2017) ---------- A father was playing with his daughter when the little one said: "Dad, I read in school that animals get a new fur coat every winter." "Quiet!" retorted the father. "Your mother is in the next room!" ---------- The class had gone to lunch and the restroom and returned to class. The teacher did not see Johnnie. She asked, "Where's Johnnie?" One of the students replied, "He's in the bathroom, lying on the floor." She asked, "Why is he doing that?" The child said, "I don't know. He's been like that since he stuck the scissors in the light socket." ---------- A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb >Laugh of the day.... On the first day God created the dog. God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said, “That’s too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten.” So God agreed. On the second day God created the monkey. God said, “Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.” The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don’t think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that’s what I’ll do too, okay?” And God agreed. On the third day God created the cow. “You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I’ll give back the other forty.” And God agreed again. On the fourth day God created man. God said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I’ll give you twenty years.” Man said, “What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I’ll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?” Okay,” said God, “You’ve got a deal.” So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves. The next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. The next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. Life has now been explained to you. -- Paulo Coehlo, Brazilian lyricist and novelist --- ...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! Sooo, what about the other 40 years? Gen.6: [3] And the LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years. -<>- // // // // _______|| ,-''' ||`-. ( || ) |`-..._______,..-'| | || | | _______|| | |,-'''_ _ ~ ||`-.| | ~ / `-.\ ,-'\ ~| |`-...___/___,..-'| | `-./-'_ \/_| | | -' ~~ || -.| jrei ( ~ ~ ~~ ) `-..._______,..-' >Thought for the day “Rivers do not drink their own water; trees do not eat their own fruit; the sun does not shine on itself. Living for others is a rule of nature. We are all born to help each other no matter how difficult it is. Life is good when you are happy, but much better when others are happy because of you.” ---- Pope Francis Prayer for the day “Lord, right now I’m learning from your oldest living things: trees. They impressively break forth with buds and colors, but know innately when it’s time to shut down and be unimpressive.” --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- _..._ ,' `. ,' `. ,' _ ,-. `. | (_) `-' | | > | | ,----. | | /,-""-.\ | `. |/ " ,' `. ,' `._____,' Krogg >US Voting... Probably one of the stupidest political arguments right now is "200,000 have died from Corona because of Trump" coupled with "We (Biden/Harris) have a plan to deal with Corona". We hear it at the debates and in the commercials. First, if you have this miracle plan, why the heck have you not implemented it? Senator Harris, you get to present and pass laws. Mr. Biden, your party has control of the House of Representatives where all the money gets spent- why have you not passed and funded this miracle plan months ago? Why do we have to wait and see who wins the election and you all get your butts back in Washington in January? Seems like if what you say is true, and you did nothing but hold your miracle plan, those 200K are on you! 2nd, when all the political BS is peeled back, there is not one single Mayor or Governor that can honestly say that they did not get what they needed and more, to keep the medical system from being overwhelmed. Mobile field hospitals went unused. Naval hospital ships went unused. Charity mobile hospitals went unused. The private sector and Americans stepped up and met the PPE needs. The partnership between the White House and the private sector cranked out ventilators and not only met the needs but replenished the emergency stockpiles. Not one, but multiple variations of vaccines have been discovered and are in final trials in the fastest time in history. You know what, Biden? Take your secret plan and shove it. I am too old to buy into snake oil scams and too experienced to not look at the real evidence/record. _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Vote like your life depends on it! Why? Because it does along with your freedom!!!! --- ...Right! For God and Country Vote Trump! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: .___,_______,_____Happy_Halloween____. | ./( )\. | | | ) \/\_/\/ ( | | | `) (^Y^) (` \(|)/ | | `),-(~)-,(` --(")-- | | '"' \\ /`\ | | .-'```^```'-. , , | | / (\ __ /) \ )\___/( | | | ` \/ ` | {(@)v(@)} | | \ \____/ / {|~~~|} | | `'-.......-'` {/^^^\} | .___ldb______________________`m-m`___. This Halloween: ...Hundreds of pieces of candy will probably come home with your child, but that doesn't mean they (including you) need to consume each piece in the shortest amount of time. Take charge! Use a plastic pumpkin pail or some sort of Halloween dish and designate the proper amount of candy for the 'big night'. You can use this time to teach the kids about moderation and balance when it comes to sweets. Candy is a fun food, but should be eaten in proper portions as a treat, instead of regular meal. Help your kids divide their candy into 'daily portions' and place in snack-sized zippered baggies. You can even freeze some of the chocolate candy for later. * Planning on dressing up your pet for all the Halloween fun? Here's a few tips to keep in mind: 1. Make sure the costume fits your pet properly and it is comfortable for them. 2. Make sure the costume doesn't have any pieces that can be easily chewed off. 3. Make sure the costume doesn't interfere with your pet's hearing, breathing, opening its mouth, or with his/her ability to move. Take time to help your pet get accustomed to their costume before the big day, and never leave them unsupervised while they are wearing their costume. *Does your child not want you to go trick-or-treating with them? It happens. As your children gets older, they may not want their parents tagging along while they trick-or-treat - they may prefer to go with their friends. You know your kids the best, of course, but most Halloween safety tips recommend that parents accompany children under 12. If you do allow your child to venture out without you, make sure they go with a few friends the entire time. If some of the more adventurous kiddos cant wait to check out the neighbors spooky haunted house display, but one of the children is a bit more reticent, make sure someone agrees to stay with him or her, at a designated place, before everyone takes off. -<>- Next time you have a sore neck or back, don't reach for an electric heating pad. Instead, fill a sock with uncooked rice, tie the end and microwave it for two or three minutes. I like this better than a heating pad, as it conforms to whatever body part that needs heat. You can even put in some fragrant herbs like cinnamon or lavender to make it smell nice! -<>- * Make a No-Slip Cutting Board A lot of cutting boards don't come with any kind of rubber surface on the bottom to prevent them from sliding on a countertop, but with a couple of rubber bands, you can stabilize your cutting board and keep it from moving around during use. Slip on two rubber bands one at each end of the cutting board and you are good to go. Make sure that the rubber bands lay flat and aren't twisted when you put them on so the board will sit steady on your countertop. * Clean a Cast Iron Skillet with Coarse Salt To prevent rust and extend the life of a cast iron skillet, it's best not to use soap to clean it. Instead, use a about a tablespoon of coarse salt to scrub the pan after a meal. The salt breaks up bits of stuck food and residue on the skillet. Then you can toss the dirty salt in the trash, rinse the pan with hot water and dry it with a clean towel. To further protect a cast iron skillet, rub a few drops of vegetable oil over the entire cooking surface. * When in doubt, cook at 350 You're craving your grandma's roast, but other than a basic ingredients list, you have no idea what to do. In most cases, you won't go wrong if you bake dishes at 350. At this temperature, your food cooks in a decent amount of time without burning. * Know the difference between high and gentle heat You're in a hurry and decide to crank your stove or oven heat to high so the food cooks faster. High heat will develop the flavors in your food and cook most dishes quickly. However, it also can easily burn food. Yuck! As an alternative, try gentle heat. You may spend more time cooking, but all your dishes should be edible rather than burnt offerings. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: VA News: 100+ Free Events for Veterans Month https://tinyurl.com/y6ocut4v Judge Pirro 10/31/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/0nu1IqMvzh5d/ Sean Hannity 11/1/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/alT7DbxUDAHJ/ The Collusion of Biden with China is Worse than You Thought / Biden Says “America is Dead” / Biden Cancels Texas Campaign Events After Trucks Flying Trump Flags Follow Bus / Authoritarian Democrat Michigan Gov. Whitmer Mandates Registration for Eating Out / Violent Antifa Attack Ends Big Pro-Trump ‘Freedom Rally’ in Beverly Hills / Nigel Farage Gears Up for a New Fight Against UK Lockdowns / Six Reasons to Nix the UK Lockdown / Trump Flips the COVID Script – No More Lockdowns And More: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Extreme bias: Trump readies attorneys as PA’s Dem AG claims no way Trump wins if all votes counted https://tinyurl.com/y6zr83td Ballots Go Missing in Pro-Trump Pennsylvania County https://tinyurl.com/y23czksl Joe Biden is Completely ‘Compromised’ by Communist China, What Next? /Joe Biden has Shocking Tax Increases in Store / The American Flag is a ‘Symbol of Genocide’ According to This Elitist Professor / Hunter Biden Scandal Growing Larger And More: https://deepstatejournal.com/ Ivanka Trump on abortion: 'I am pro-life, and unapologetically so' https://tinyurl.com/y3tbohc8 Westwing News: Under Trump, Americans Have Seen Their Best Wage Growth In 40 Years https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: Stories worth sharing https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Recall Mixed Vegetable Products http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: A Texas woman said her strip club-inspired Halloween display featuring seductively posed skeletons has raised the ire of her local homeowner's association. Angela Nava of Richmond said she received a letter from her homeowner's association saying there had been complaints filed about her "inappropriate" and "offensively positioned" Halloween decorations. "It's modeled after an adult club," she told local news. "We just really had a good time changing the scene up every night. Every night, we change the positions of the skeletons, and it's really been just a great creative outlet for me." The display features skeletons in colorful wigs pole dancing and striking other suggestive poses. "We've all been cooped up and it's been just a terrible year," Nava said. "We've just decided if this brings a little bit of joy and a little bit of smiles to someone, then we're doing everything right." Nava said she doesn't plan to fight the letter from the HOA, since it gives her 30 days to remove the display -- well after Halloween. "When I got the letter, I was a little sad," Nava said. "I thought, 'OK, I'm just going to take it down. I'm going to comply. I'm going to take it down and just not do this anymore.' But then I got so much support off of Facebook, and I said, 'Forget it. People are having so much fun with this, and they love it, I'm going to continue to do it.'" --- ...Oh, Don't worry, I found this for you here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzwOoLs72hk -<>- Halloween is one of those holidays that people love to indulge their wildest fantasies in. Really, there are not many limits when it comes to Halloween, but one man in Texas apparently found one. An artist's bloody Halloween masterpiece has caught the attention of his neighbors - and even local cops - in Dallas. Homeowner Steven Novak used nearly two dozen gallons of fake blood to create the gory fake crime scene featuring four 'dead bodies' on a blood-soaked yard in Texas. The display has prompted multiple visits by police following complaints from locals, although the officers reportedly described the scene as 'cool'. Novak, a local artist based in East Dallas, created the horror show with one dummy sprawled on the roof of his house with a large knife through its head. Another dummy has had its head pounded with a metal safe, and lies in a pool of blood, while one 'body' lies with its head completely smashed in. However, Novak said he was most proud of the wheelbarrow tipped over by the street, as it looks like a 'failed attempt to dispose of the dismembered bodies in the middle of the night.' --- ...I found it here (Warning - NOT for young kids!) https://tinyurl.com/y4v4kdck *--- Drunk couple fell asleep in dumpster ---* Authorities in Florida said a couple who took a nap in a dumpster after a drunken night at a casino nearly met their end in the back of a garbage truck. Hillsborough County garbage truck driver Radames Valazquez called 911 early Wednesday morning to report a man and a woman were trapped in the back of his truck. Valazquez said he was about to compact his truck's load when he heard the couple shouting for help. "I got two people, I don't know how they got in the back of the truck, but they stuck in the truck. I almost killed both of them," he told the 911 dispatcher. Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies said they determined Donald Jordan, 37, and Lisa Sirabella, 49, had fallen asleep in a WaWa gas station dumpster after a drunken night at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino. Jordan, who authorities said appeared highly intoxicated, told deputies he and Sirabella were visiting Tampa from Kissimmee and sought warmth in the dumpster after being left stranded by some friends. Jordan and Sirabella, who both complained of back pain after their ride in the garbage truck, were taken to Tampa General Hospital. *--- Reptile Love ---* 13-year-old Seira Watanabe has seen every one of the Godzilla movies and has also amassed an impressive collection of Godzilla merchandise and action figures. One day, she hopes to marry the radioactive sea monster. In hopes of turning her reptilian romance dream into a reality, she recently wrote to the producers of the television show "Tantei! Knight Scoop," which takes viewers' requests and makes them happen. Watanabe asked the show for a date with Godzilla. "My love is so great that I would like to marry Godzilla," she wrote, which landed her a date with her reptilian Romeo. With her grandfather as chaperone, Watanabe went on a date with Godzilla. The pair's itinerary included holding hands on a visit to the Godzilla Museum, eating lunch together and hugging on the beach at sunset. Watanabe eventually gave the lizard a smooch and then asked for his slimy hand in marriage. While Godzilla declined. *- Court rejects suit from teacher with fear of children -* An Ohio teacher with a phobia of young children lost an appeal accusing her former district of failing to accommodate her disability. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit in Cincinnati rejected the appeal from Maria Waltherr-Willard, 63, who had accused the Mariemont district of age discrimination and a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Waltherr-Willard, a French and Spanish teacher, alleged the district knew she suffered from pedophobia, a fear of small children, when she was transferred from Mariemont High School to the district's middle school. The teacher accused the school district of age discrimination for giving the high school Spanish teacher position to a younger instructor and a violation of the ADA for failing to accommodate her pedophobia. Waltherr-Willard said teaching at the middle school repeatedly caused her blood pressure to rise to dangerous levels. The court ruled the ADA "requires an employer to accommodate a disabled employee, but it does not require unreasonable accommodations." The court also rejected the age discrimination allegations, saying the Spanish teacher employed at Mariemont High School is only two years younger than Waltherr-Willard. Dr. Caleb Adler, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral neuroscience at the University of Cincinnati, said pedophobia is a recognized but rare anxiety disorder. "It's a tough phobia. You can't really get away from [children] when you're outside," he said. "When you're a teacher, it may not be an issue with older students." *--- Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ---* Who would have thought that billionaires would be petty assholes? A dispute between bond king Bill Gross and his next-door neighbor over a $1-million outdoor sculpture has devolved into police calls to their Laguna Beach mansions, multiple legal actions - and allegations that the billionaire investor blared the "Gilligan's Island" theme song on a loop at all hours to annoy his neighbor. The Pimco co-founder and his partner, former professional tennis player Amy Schwartz, are being accused by tech entrepreneur Mark Towfiq and his wife of harassment and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The cause? A 22-foot-long blue glass installation - and an even bigger pole and netting structure erected to protect it - that Towfiq said blocked his view, prompting a complaint to the city. It's another in a long line of bitter quarrels between well-to-do neighbors in Southern California's most expensive neighborhoods, who sometimes find that with a coveted address comes deep-pocketed adversaries and little peace of mind. --- ...If you want to see it, I found it here for you... https://tinyurl.com/y2m3bxv3 ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ,====,,'''',,, _____________________________________ _______||__||_______ ''', /' | | | |y.a.s.| | | ; /' Name: ____Yosef_A._Sukenik_________ | | | | | | | ; / o | | | | ___|_|__ | '''\ Address: __sukenik@calgary.ab.ca___ | | | | |ISRAEL| | `\ | | | | """|"|"" | `\.____________________________________| |dcau|_|______|_|____| >Lost Luggage A man couldn't find his luggage at the airport baggage area. So he went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags never showed up. She smiled and told him not to worry because she was a trained professional and he was in good hands. "Now," she asked him, "Has your plane arrived yet?" -<>- >he Wife Discussion Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, "Boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop!" The other Buddy says, "When my wife goes off on me I just don't listen." "How do you do that?" says the other. "It's easy! I turn off the light!" -<>- >How Many Can You Marry? A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen!" replies the little boy. His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this. "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!" -<>- ... .####_ . ;#|\_|/__/| ;##/ / \/ \ \ ;##/__|O||O|__ \ ,##|/_ \_/\_/ _\ | OOO\ ###| | (____) | || OOOOO\ ;##\/\___/\__/\ // OOOOOOOO ,;####`. \_)/ / OOOOOOO ;#########`. ,,,;./ / / DOOOOOO .';#################;, / / DOOOO ,######;######;;;;####;, / / DOOO ;`######`'######;;;##### ,H/ / DOOO #`#######`;######;;### ;##H / DOOO ##`#######`;######## ;####H / DOO `#`#######`;###### ;######H/ DOO ###`#######`;; ;#########HH OO ####`#######`;########;###H OO `#####`############;'`#;##H O `#####`########;' / / `#H ######`#####;' / / `H unknown >Q and A Quickies: Q: Who did the mortician invite to his party? A: Anyone he could dig up! Q: Which president was least guilty? A: Lincoln. He is in a cent. Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert? A: Lost. Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost? A: "Do you believe in people?" Q: What type of dog do vampire's like the best? A: Bloodhounds. Q: What doesn't a ghost need in his house? A: A living room! Q: What tree won't you find in a forest? A: A family tree! Q: What did the ocean say to the shore? A: Nothing, it just waved. Q: Why did the child study in the airplane? A: He wanted a higher education! Q: What do you call a test given to a criminal? A: A con-test! Q: What do you call a frozen policeman? A: A copsicle! Q: What kind of banks do alligators use? A: Riverbanks! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ..-------------------.__ .'_______ `-. // .-----.\.--------..--------.\ ||' __'|| || || || __ ||' .=(_ )|| ====== || ==.| ||( _) ||'| \\||________||________||// ||'------\) ,--======\\======-._/ ____|| |/ = = `-. _____________ ||'==. || ...... = = `-. `=============`|| ||_ /////.--. = = `. .--. | .---. || | .----|==| \ \ \ \|==| | .' `. || | .' '--'. |-. | | .-|'--'`. .' \ || .' `. |-.'-|=|-'.-| \ / .-==-. \|| / _.----. \ |-.'-|=|-'.-| | | .' .---. `. ||| .-' .---. `. | |-.'-|=|-'.-| | | / .`.- -.`. \ '\_`---- / .`.- -.`. \ | ' '-|=|-' '_____/ [|_|/ / _ \ \|__________| / / _ \ \ `_____.......-----'_____] ; : / \ : ;'----------'; : / \ : ;[_____.......-----'; : : ; \_/ ; : \ / / ; : \_/ ; : \ \ / / \ \ / /. `- -` . \ \ / / LGB . `- -` . . `- -` . `-----` . `- -` . `-----` `-----` `-----` After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck. When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?" -<>- To prepare for my daughter's First Communion, I called the church in the town where we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate. We lived there for only a short while, so I didn't know the clergy well. When the secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn't remember. After a brief silence, she said, "Ma'am, I'm talking about the name of the baby's father." -<>- My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year- old's antics and pounded the table. Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll never eat out with us again!" The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. "Look dear," he said. "Quality time!" -<>- .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." -<>- As firefighters, we are required to wear our full bunker gear on all safety calls, even to advise homeowners of a county ordinance against burning leaves after dark. Last Halloween, two co-workers waited on the porch of one such offending household, helmets in hand, until a woman finally opened the door. Promptly dropping a candy bar into each helmet, she remarked, "You boys are a little old for this sort of thing, aren't you?" and closed the door. -<>- I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform. "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked. The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed." ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >Church Football Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation. Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship. Halftime - The period between Sunday school and worship when many choose to leave Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit. Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service. Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work. Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and people begin to gather up your children and belongings. Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations. Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime". Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep. End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member. Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life. Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to be there for the whole service. Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer. -<>- _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO >HOW ARE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU? Bill and Mike both moved to new towns with their parents. Bill disliked his new community from the first day. He felt the school was inferior to the one he had attended in his former hometown. His new classmates seemed boring and unfriendly. "I wish we had not moved here," Bill told his parents. "This is a cold, dull place and I will never fit in." Mike was far more fortunate. He discovered his new school was not only excellent academically but had many activities and challenges. "I cannot believe how many new friends I made today," he stated at the dinner table after his first day at school. "I feel as though some students have been my friends forever." Before you pity Bill for not moving to a town as warm and friendly as the one Mike moved to, you should know that they moved to the same town, the same neighborhood, and that they attend the same school. So why did they respond to a similar satiation so differently? Bill tends to expect the worst in life, whereas Mike is outgoing and friendly. He went to the new school with a smile on his face and a positive outlook. Mike is a loving person who lives in a loving world. The loving person creates a positive atmosphere. Jill, for example, was a loving person. She was the friend you could count on. Ready to listen, to help, to comfort. When Jill's mother died of cancer while Jill was still in high school, she was surrounded by love, not only from her family but from her many friends. Jill's giving of herself was being returned tenfold. Even in great sorrow, she lived in a loving world. The loving person can feel hurt, can experience anger, and can be put out at someone for some reason. These are human emotions. Life, after all, has its share of disappointments, troubles, worries and sorrows for all of us, We cannot expect continuously happy days But the loving person refuses to allow negative emotions to take over. The loving person forgives the person who hurt him. The loving person goes for a long walk or does a chore that takes his mind off the anger being experienced. The loving person relieves the tension by talking with the person he is angry with, and then gives him a hug or a handshake, No matter what degree of stress or conclusion he must undergo, that person's world continues to be a loving world. So try a smile instead of a scowl. Expect the best and not the worst. Do your best to be less demanding and more understanding and to care for the people in your life. The "Bills" of this world find things to complain about throughout their lives. The Mikes, on the other hand, not only look for the best but also help create that best by their own attitudes. The loving person, from youth to old age, lives in a loving world and leads a full and happy life, with the strength to face problems and tragedies because of the loving world they inhabit. You Think About It! -<>- ,,,,,,,,,,---''''---,,,,,,,,,, --'''''''' ````]['''' ''''''''-- _3'''':. _ .,---------------. \\ / _________./ |[__]| o |J@"\\__ \\==o=========:; |____|[IL__|''''/_/') / `'-,._____===\=_____.,-' \ \ , """""""""""""""""""""" >Why Helicopters are Better than Women 1. A helicopter will kill you quickly . . . a woman takes her time. 2. Helicopters can be turned on by a flick of a switch. 3. A helicopter does not get mad if you 'touch and go.' 4. A helicopter does not object to a preflight inspection. 5. Helicopters come with manuals. 6. Helicopters have strict weight and balance limits. 7. You can fly a helicopter any time of the month. 8. Helicopters don't come with in-laws. 9. Helicopters don't whine unless something is really wrong. 10. Helicopters don't care about how many other helicopters you have flown. 11. When flying, you and your helicopter both arrive at the same time. 12. Helicopters don't mind if you look at other helicopters, or if you buy helicopter magazines. 13. It's OK to use tie-downs on your helicopter. -<>- ,----------------------------------------------------, | [][][][][] [][][][][] [][][][] [][__] [][][][] | | | | [][][][][][][][][][][][][][_] [][][] [][][][] | | [_][][][][][][][][][][][][][ | [][][] [][][][] | | [][_][][][][][][][][][][][][]|| [] [][][][] | | [__][][][][][][][][][][][][__] [][][] [][][]|| | | [__][________________][__] [__][]|| | `----------------------------------------------------' >The Ultimate Computer The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line, at which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it." A smartass who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?" There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida." The smartass laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question." The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smartass said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida." -<>- _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown >It's The Same In My Business A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Preacher," said the young man, "I'm sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." -<>- _..-------.._ .-"--..__ __."-. ." """" ". .:: :.. .' ""----...._________..-`. ::::::' : __:::::::::: .. : ______......--.--:::::::::::::-" .:: ::::::::::(::::##::##::_:::::::::"::: .:-.:::_ :::::::::_::::::#:::#:::#"::::::: " '-::::::::::::::-#:::::::::::::::#::::::::: .:::::::::::::::#:::::::::::::#:::::::' : ::::::":"""----:::#::::::::::::#---"" _.: " '-' : __...--"" : :---...____....----""" ___..-": : ______......--""" : :""""" : `.----.....______....----.' .--. ":::::::::::::::::::::/:..:::::: grp "-:::::::::::::::-"':::::::::: ::::::---"" .::::::::: .:::::/_.._ ::::::::' :::::::::::::. '-::-" '::::::::::::: `--::::::-' Mr. Bump >A LAUGH A DAY "She who laughs, lasts." At least that was Theresa of Avila's philosophy. Theresa, a Spanish nun who founded the reformed order of the Carmelites in 1562, used to look for novices who knew how to laugh, eat and sleep. She believed that if they ate heartily, they were healthy; if they slept well, they were more than likely free of serious sin; and if they laughed, they had the necessary disposition to survive a difficult life. Abraham Lincoln must have also known that laughter is good medicine. In writing about Lincoln's Civil War years, author Richard Hanser says that on September 22, 1862, the War Cabinet was summoned to the White House for a special session. Lincoln was reading a book as everyone came in. Secretary of War Stanton later said this of the meeting: "Finally the president turned to us and said, 'Gentlemen, did you ever read anything of Artimus Ward? Let me read a chapter that is very funny.'" The president then read aloud a skit called "Highhanded Outrage at Utica." Stanton was furious, but Lincoln read on and, at the end, he laughed heartily. "Gentlemen," he asked, "why do you not laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me day and night, if I did not laugh, I should die. And you need this medicine as much as I do." It was at this same session that the president pulled a paper from his tall hat and read aloud the now immortalized Emancipation Proclamation. He's right -- we may likely die without frequent and sustained doses of laughter. After all, they who laugh, last. Have you had your belly laugh today? You think about it! -<>- _____________ ( `--._\.--\ ) `-/__(___\.-' _/_\ /_\_ __(/(. _ .)\)__ .' ( --/ \-- ) `. / / |.-`-'-.| \ \ / / `| '~\ |' \ \ ( / |\___/| \ ) / |___ `' `' ___| \ / /| |\ \ / / | | \, \__ ,-__/ __)_|_______________|__|____ | | (_( [__(__ __.-' | `~ \\|_/ \`--._______.----' `-'-' (\___________/) `-.__||\__.-' | / ''' \ | ___(| |)___ (____) (____) >The Physics of Cheese (Subtitled: A Smelly Subject! - J.R.) The Physics of Cheese Very weird, yet sort of amusing. ******************* "The moon is made of cheese. This has long been suspected, but could not previously be confirmed since only Americans have been there, and they know Monterrey Jack about the subject. We have constructed a spectrometer which is sensitive to biorrythms, and have made careful measurements of moonlight. It uses a macroeconomic buzz-word driven policy unit as the primary detector, and a string quintet for amplification. Half- Nelson analysis showed a 4-fold increase in the plankton levels when the moon was iluminated with a single cow, and this response scaled linearly when multiple phase-locked cow arrays were added. Cheese- response curves were plotted on the Nasdaq, and good agreement obtained for Lymeswold, Saint Agur and Red Leicester. Some short-lived high energy Brusselse-kaas fragments were also seen, which rapidly decayed into a meta-stable moisturizing cream. Brie was not observed, but the Camembert/Epoisse anomaly produced the expected counter-rotation of the Port decanter. A shorter version of this article will not appear in Applied Cheese -<>- A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" -<>- _--_ ( A's) /___7 .~~\ /~~. /""_ V \ om /____/ / .mmmC="_ _/ -----===(((((}{).MMM "" | `"---" ..mMMM"" | \ ( )" \ /\ | / / \ \ /" / \ \ \__/" \__/ '94 the wolfe / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ >THE IRISH An Irish man went to his first American baseball game. As the first batter made a hit, fans jumped up yelling, "RUN! RUN!" The Irish man jumped up as well yelling, "Run, laddie! Run laddie!" The next batter got up and made his hit. The fans again cheered, "RUN! RUN!" The Irish man jumped up yelling, "Run laddie! Run laddie!" The third batter got up got: ball 1... ball 2 ... ball 3 ... ball 4. The umpire yelled, "Take your base!" The batter jogged to the base. The Irish man jumped up and yelled, "Run laddie! Run laddie!" Another fan looked at him and said, "He does not need to run, for he has four balls!" The Irish man's jaw dropped, and he turned and said, "Walk with pride, lad! Walk with pride!" -<>- >Mother Superior The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!" She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and pointing out the window, she said, "Don't sell that cow!" -<>- _____ | D | | | | \___| _ || _______ -( (- |_'(-------) '-' | / _____,-\__..__|_____Pr59 >WARNING! Now, THIS is for real! Don't go to the bathroom on November 28th. CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the ass by an alligator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business. I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked. So it must be true. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) WORMS! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Only One Job! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob.html Best Buddies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestbuds.html IRONIC Isn't It 3? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony3.html Linus The Wonder Horse! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wonderhorse.html Life's Little Oops! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops.html MacGyver - How To Do It 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html Macro Spider Photos! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spiders.html Mabel The Chicken! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chicken.html Chalk Art 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart7.html Craig Alan's People Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peopleart.html Red Panda Cub! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redpandacub.html Playing With Food 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food4.html Black Deer Fawn! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deer.html China's Craze For Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinadogs.html World's Largest Web! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/web.html Why God Gave Us Puppies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whypuppies.html What Your GPS Won't Show You!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html Fall & Thanksgiving Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanksgivingindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) American/World History in pictures of famous places, people, and things! http://www.douglascountygensoc.org/photos004.html --- ...Lots of Old photo relics here. Thanks LouiseAu! Magician Dani Lary and his beautiful assistant Nadina do some amazing teleportation for the French TV show 'The World's Greatest Cabaret.' https://youtu.be/QSQwmB6KGOM --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) China and the coronavirus - Remember, the information coming out of China is censored. We don’t know! If this is true it is really Scary!! Or everyone is in. “Bubble” until a vaccine is available. Did China Create Coronavirus To Become Superpower https://tinyurl.com/yxgqazbn --- ...Sure seems the case! Interesting! Thanks Linda! -<>- Revisiting... >From our friend Geniann :) Big Don https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALGkQq3RJ7k --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! Led me to these fun ROCK music songs... MetalTrump - Enter Sandman (Metallica) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yey5MtACi3g Another One Bites The Dust! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN5k3c1pSS4 MetalTrump - Nothing Else Matters (Metallica) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i55Q8oe51gM Oh No! - Trump Sings Titanic ( My Heart Will Go On ) by Celine Dion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NfbgJb52aU Here's an old Fun One... Donald Trump Unofficial Campaign Song..The Ballad of Donnie T https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgzWQohLsFw ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In New York, a group of Burger King employees dressed up their restaurant as a McDonald's for Halloween. And in an even crazier stunt, Olive Garden employees dressed up their workplace as an Italian restaurant." -Conan O'Brien "Krispy Kreme says it will give a free doughnut to any customer who shows up wearing a costume on Halloween. So if you're the kind of person willing to take the time to dress up in a costume just to get a free doughnut, then yes, you've hit rock bottom." -Jimmy Fallon "I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest." -Jimmy Kimmel "Two guys in New Hampshire were arrested after they tried to rob a group of people playing Bingo. Cops became suspicious when they saw a car driving away from the Bingo hall going more than 10 miles an hour." -Jimmy Fallon "Music duo Hall & Oates is reportedly suing a company over a cereal named Haulin' Oats. Though the company says it's totally different because in their cereal, oats is the star." -Seth Meyers "A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel "The post office just can't get its act together. They announced today they want to raise the price of stamps so they can make an extra $2 billion. That is still better than their original plan - uninvent the Internet." -Jimmy Fallon "Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. Pediatricians say giving caffeine to toddlers can cause depression, diabetes, sleep disturbance, and obesity. On the plus side they get a lot more finger painting done." -Jimmy Kimmel "A developer has created a zero-gravity martini glass, which promises to let astronauts drink cocktails in space without spilling. Our astronauts are drinking? Guys, the first step is admitting to Houston that you have a problem." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************