Give A Teacher An Apple... :) Shangy >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It is sure to warm your heart. There are some working dogs who are heroes on a daily basis. These canines are specially trained to be heroes in the ocean to those in need. Check this page out to learn more and see them in action. __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb Italy's Lifeguard Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeguarddogs.html --- ...So amazing! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- *~* We Had A Fabulous Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month! _._ .' '. / \ ___ _.. _.--. | / |.' `'. ;-._ .' `\ .' `\ \| / \ .' `\/ ; / _ \.=..=./ _.' / | `\.---._| '. .-'-.}`.<>.`{-'-. / .--; . ( .' '. \ .---.{ <>()<> }.--..-' / _ \_ './ _. `-./ _},'<>`.{_ `\ ( = \ )`""'\;--. .' .-'/ )=..=;`\`- \ {= (| ) /`. ( / /| \ ) ( =_/ )__..-\ .'-..___.' : '.___..-' \ }/ / ;.____.-;/\ | ` | '--' | .' | \ \ /'. _.' \ ' / |\.\ ; /`--.-' ) .'`-. / \ \ |`| /__.-' \_.'jgs \ \ |-| -> Be Sure To Visit And Share These With All Your Friends... Begging Squirrels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/squirrels2.html World's Fastest Trains! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fasttrains.html Leon The Watchcat! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watchcatleon.html Jacqueline Kennedy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jkennedy.html It's Punny! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puns.html Gender-Reveal Party Fail! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gparty.html American Patriots! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/americanpatriots.html Trump VS Biden! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpvsbiden.html ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' * May God Smile On All Our Sweet Contributors! Thank You! :) ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: { } } { { { } } } }{ { _{ }{ } }_ ( }{ }{ { ) |""---------""| .-, | /""\ /#/ | | _ | _---------//_ | / | | ( / ) | |/ | /""=========""\ | / / (///////////////) | | / \ / | "T" C===========O cww ""---------"" -Bungle- As Gayle was getting to know Jim and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other. "They're so thoughtful," Gayle said. "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning." After a time, Gayle and Jim were engaged, and then they married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Gayle again remarked on Jim's loving parents and even the coffee in bed. "Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?" "It sure does," replied Jim. "And I take after my mom." -<>- A man was about to tee-off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read "I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?" The man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that, "No, you may NOT play through, and your handicap does not give you such a right." The foursome was on the first green. The man who told the deaf mute he could not play through was about to putt the ball into the hole when he was hit on the head with a golf ball and knocked out cold. When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and there stood the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers. -<>- There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 5 is Do Something Nice Day and World Teacher's Day October 6 is Come and Take it Day, Mad Hatter Day and Physician Assistant Day October 7 is Bald and Free Day, International Walk to School Day and National Kale Day October 8 is American Touch Tag Day and Yom Kippur October 9 is Curious Events Day, Fire Prevention Day, Leif Erikson Day, Moldy Cheese Day and World Egg Day October 10 is International Newspaper Carrier Day, National Angel Food Cake Day and National Motorcycle Ride Day October 11 is It's My Party Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb >Credit Verify Standing in line at the clothing store's counter, I watched as the woman ahead of me handed the clerk her credit card. The customer waited for a long time while the saleswoman went to verify the account. When she finally returned, the clerk said, "I'm sorry, but this card is in your husband's name, and we can't accept it because the records show that he is deceased." With that, the woman turned to her husband, who was standing next to her and asked, "Does this mean I don't have to fix lunch for you today?" -<>- >Engine Trouble Many years ago, before the days of cell phones and data, a friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location." "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish." The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?" "I-75, two miles south of Standish." A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?" -<>- >Get Me Out! My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!" "Don't worry," David replied, "maintenance should be sending somebody." "They did," said the voice. -<>- >Medical Advice One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2." -<>- >Plenty Cryptic After All A minor email virus infestation hits the group that this network technician is responsible for, and after cleaning up the mess he decides it's time for new passwords all around, just to be safe. Most of the group works in the same location, so he just takes a walk around the office, whispering the new password to each user. But one employee is at a remote site. The tech can't reach her by phone, and he's leery of sending her new password in unencrypted e-mail. Finally, he hits on an idea. He begins the email message by explaining the password change. Then he writes: "And your new password is: (the last name of our intern from that very warm country) followed by the digits of (the number of points our basketball team scored in our last game)." Very clever, he figures -- it's information only someone in the group would know. Until he gets a reply message from the user: "I tried the password, but it didn't work. Could you set it to something not so long and hard to type? And are those parentheses important?" ========================================================= \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb >-->Happy Teacher's Day SMILES :) Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? A: Because his class was so bright! Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? A: She couldn't control her pupils! Q: Teacher: Didn't I tell you to stand at the end of the line? A: Student: I tried but there was someone already there! Q: How is an English teacher like a judge? A: They both give out sentences. Q: Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you? A: Student: Not really. ____ (_ _) . . / / .`_._'_.. / / \ o / / / Pru \ / / _/ /_ `. ~. `\___/'./~.' /.~'`. .`'`.`.'`'`.~.`'~.`'`.~` Q: Why did the teacher go to the beach? A: To test the water. Q: Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have? A: Student: Big hands! Q: Teacher: If you got $20 from 5 people, what do you get? A: Student: A new bike. Q: Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at John's exam? A: Student: I hope you didn't either. Q: Teacher: What is the shortest month? A: Student: May, it only has three letters. mathemagician 7+2=? /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs Q: Teacher: Answer my question at once. What is 7 plus 2? A: Student: At once! Q: Why did closing her eyes remind the teacher of her classroom? A: Because there were no pupils to see. Q: Why did the teacher turn the lights on? A: Because her class was so dim. Q: What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you? A: Pick them up and roll them back _.-, _ .-' / .._ .-:'/ - - \:::::-. .::: ' e e ' '-::::. ::::'( ^ )_.:::::: ::::.' '. o '.::::'.'/_ . :::.' - .::::'_ _.: .-''---' .'| .::::' ''':::: '. ..-:::' | .::::' :::: '.' :::: \ .::::' :::: :::: .::::' :::: ::::.::::'._ :::: ::::::' / '- .:::: '::::-/__ __.-::::' '-::::::::::::::-' jrei '''::::''' Q: What did the ghost teacher say to the class? A: Look at the board and I will go through it again. Q: Why did the teacher write on the window? A: Because she wanted the lesson to be very clear! Q: Teacher: Give a a sentence beginning with "I". A: Student: I is.... Q: Teacher: Stop there, you need to begin with "I am". A: Student: Okay...I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. _____________________________________________ | _________________________________________ | | |26.1.00 | | Z | | | | z | | Napoleon Bonaparte | | z .-------------------------------------. | | Z | ...and then, in 1808, he entered... | | | z | ... he ente... hez... zZzZzZzZ | | | '-,-----------------------------------' | | ___ _/ | | | | .´ __) | |_________________________________________| | ( /_ _(\ |_____________________________________________| ( _| > )) ( ( (---'-. (_ `)\-`` ) `/-/ ) \ ----(__.´--------------. \ \ \\_______________________\ |,------------------------' gnv Teachers always tell us to follow our dreams.... BUT yet they don't let us sleep in class. Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows? A: He wanted the lesson to be very clear! Q: What is the center of gravity? A: The letter "V" ! Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire? A: Lots of blood tests. Q: Why was the students report card all wet? A: Because it was below C ( sea ) level. _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # Q: What is 5Q + 5Q? A: 10Q ..... and You're Welcome! Q: Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed? A: Because he wanted to see how long he slept! Q: What is the Great Depression? A: When you get a bad report card. Q: If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? A: The scholar ships. \-._,, /"/ "-/ l-' \ /\_ | /\ \ (_/ \ %----.__ \/ ___ \ ,' / '-.__|_ | \'-.___ \ \__ '/ _/\_ '-. \/ /-. \_ \ / | \_ \ | / / \_ '-' / | | '-.___,-' ,-' \ / "-._ | '-._ \ \ | \ |-. \ | /'-._,-| / \ | \ | \ | $ \ | / | / | / \ | S-v |/ |/ Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? A: Because they're all in HIGH School! Q: Who should be your best friend at school? A: Your princi-pal! Q: How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters? A: ICE! Q: What would happen if you took the school bus home? A: The police would make you bring it back! Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between! My teacher pointed his ruler at me and said, at the end of this ruler there is an idiot. I got in trouble after asking which end. b. 88b 888b. 88888b 888888b. 8888P" P" `8. `8. cgmm `8 ...Check Out These Interesting Informational Pages.... * For biology or anatomy and physiology and mental health Buffs: A Flower A Day http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerday.html Amazing Human Body (1-2) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humanbody.html Amazing Dream Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamfacts.html * For History And Social Studies Buffs: Historical Photos In Color http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historycolorphotos.html Amazing Human Progress http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humanprogress.html Arrows Across America http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html Famous US Veterans http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/famousveterans.html Old 1917 Blackboards http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackboards.html Worst Famous Predictions http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worstpredictions.html Woman - Darkest Before Dawn http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womandbd.html * For Science Buffs: Fun Science Ads http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/science.html Rarely Seen Things (1-5) http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen.html Earth In Perspective (1-2) http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earth.html Brilliant Women Inventors http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womeninventors.html Thoughts Into Action (1-12) http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action.html Space Trivia Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spacetrivia.html God's Night Lights (1-3) http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night.html * For Finance and Economy Buffs: Five Debt Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/debttips.html * For Math Buffs: Beautiful Mathematics http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mathbeauty.html ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _"_ % (< ? ` " __||___ |\___//_\ (' | ') \\ __|\ , / |/ /: / \ :: \| ######o /| ######## \) ######## \ : / \: / -- %%% %% % /:\ |/|, b'ger >SMILES A traveling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye. In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs. After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1,600. "There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days." "Yes," replied the clerk, "But your wife has been here a month." ---------- Little Christine ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. "What's wrong, dear?" asked her mother. "My doll! Bobby broke it!" she sobbed. "How did he break it, Christine?" "I hit him over the head with it." ---------- On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity." ---------- When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???" ---------- "May I have some stationery?" a man asked the hotel clerk. "Are you a guest of the hotel?" asked the clerk. "No, I'm paying sixty dollars a day," said the man. ----------- A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he complained, "I forgot my teeth, what am I going to do now!?" The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them on. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair -- try these." The speaker tried them on and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." ---------- A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: “You’ve got Male!” ---------- A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tops." ---------- Halfway through a romantic dinner at a nice, cozy restaurant, my husband smiled and said, "You look so beautiful under these lights." I was falling in love all over again when he added, "We gotta get some of these lights!" ---------- The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seat belt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, man," he said, "but I think it's too late!" --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAU! -<>- ..,;;;;,. .:((()()())):. :(()"'"'""'()): .:()"<*>.<*>"():. :())) ._. (((): (())\ -=- /(()) ___________ .'(()) - (())('. | | / ))\ /(( \ | My # is | ______/ /( \_/ ) \ \______/ unlisted | ________( : )_________| okay? | \____._._____/ |__________| )===[]===( / \ Tim Campbell >Ruminations * To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it. * Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. * It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles. * The older I get, the earlier it gets late. * When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. Cop: "Please step out of the car. "Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in." * I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. * I had my patience tested. I'm negative. * Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. * If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" * When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing. * I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever. * I run like the winded. * I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on. * When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?" * I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome. * When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery? * I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited. * When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east." * Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out. * Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops. * My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb. --- ...HaHa! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ( <{ }> _ <{ \ <{ \| ) _ | / )/ \| /7 __|/__ ( \|(___ ___(__ __|/__ \ / \ / \ / \ / \__/ ejm97 \__/ \__/ \__/ Plants need iron too, and spinach water gives them not only iron but also a decent dose of potassium. Pasta. Starchy water will spur the release of plant nutrients in the soil, meaning starch may be better for plants than for you. The next time you boil or steam vegetables, don't pour the water down the drain, use it to water potted patio plants, and you'll be amazed at how the plants respond to the "vegetable soup." Use leftover tea and coffee grounds to acidify the soil of acid-loving plants such as azaleas, rhododendrons, camellias, gardenias and even blueberries. A light sprinkling of about one-quarter of an inch applied once a month will keep the pH of the soil on the acidic side. The quickest way in the world to dry herbs: just lay a sheet of newspaper on the seat of your car, arrange the herbs in a single layer, then roll up the windows and close the doors. Your herbs will be quickly dried to perfection. What's more, your car will smell great. -<>- Two tooth brushes ___ ___ /\ ..\_ _/ /\ \/\ _) (_'' /\/ \/\ o\ / . /\/ \/\_ ) ( _/\/ Faucet \/_)( )(_\/ ____ (__\______________/__) |___|\ |\ \ / /| | \ Tube of | \ \ / / | | \ toothpaste | \ \ / / | | \ ___ | \ \ / / | ____ | \ ____ / _ \ ______ | \ \ / / | /|_||\|________\/|_||\___ / // // \ \ | \ \ / / | _________________________\-\ \_// \/-__ -\__ \__)(__/ __/----- \_________ / |||| [][][][][][][][][] """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" unknown * Do you clean your toothbrush? To have really clean teeth, it's worth considering how clean your toothbrush is. Given that apple cider vinegar has antibacterial properties, you can use it as a homemade cleaner for your toothbrush. To make your own toothbrush cleaner, mix half a cup of water with 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and 2 teaspoons of baking soda and mix well. Leave the head of your toothbrush in the mix for 30 minutes. Make sure you rinse your brush well before you use it, as the acidity of undiluted vinegar could damage your teeth. * To Trap Fruit Flies - Bye Bye Pesky Fly Fruit flies can be a pest. Interestingly, it's really easy to use apple cider vinegar to make a cheap fruit fly trap. Simply pour some apple cider vinegar into a cup, add a few drops of dish soap (so that any trapped flies sink) and you're good to go. * Apple Cider Vinegar As a Mouth Wash Apple cider vinegar is often said to be a useful alternative to commercial mouthwashes. Its antibacterial properties may help with bad breath, although there aren't any studies examining how effective it is. If you try this, make sure you dilute it well with water (the usual amount is 1 tablespoon for every cup of water), as the acidity of the vinegar could damage your teeth). ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: White House physician says Trump 'may not entirely be out of the woods yet' in fight against coronavirus Dr. Sean Conley said that the president would be discharged Monday evening. https://www.foxnews.com/politics/white-house-physician Melania Trump gives update as she battles coronavirus: 'Feeling good & will continue to rest at home' - "Thank you to medical staff & caretakers everywhere, & my continued prayers for those who are ill or have a family member impacted by the virus,” the first lady tweeted. https://tinyurl.com/y47dswwk Justice W/ Judge Jeanine 10/3/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/BJ44X6Jjd3Xa/ Jesse Watters (10-3-2020) https://www.bitchute.com/video/t9fPAIKyTMf1/ Trump Visits Troops at Walter Reed / Nobel Prize for Medicine Announced / Joe Biden Ready to Take a Stand for Anything You Want Him To https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Chris Christie checks into hospital after positive COVID diagnosis https://www.foxnews.com/politics/christie-hospital-positive-covid Katie Pavlich: 'The facade of the Democratic Party... is quickly collapsing' https://tinyurl.com/y4arbz9p How evil is Chicago? Postal Workers Are Walking Off The Job Because Of A Terrifying Threat https://tinyurl.com/y26unwsf Seriously? Moderator of Second Presidential Debate Served as an Intern for Joe Biden https://tinyurl.com/y4d5yp3l Vice President Pence to continue aggressive campaign schedule https://tinyurl.com/yym8pf7q Shock: Radical Muslim Group Kills Ethiopian Christians “Door-to-Door” https://tinyurl.com/y2h2k7z6 Long-Time Democrat Kicked Out of the Party for ‘Biblical Stand’ on Key Issue - https://tinyurl.com/y4ocqhky Trump Revives Immigration Policy Banning Communists From U.S. Citizenship / U.S. Expands Defense Cooperation With North African Allies to Counter China and Russia /Hillary Clinton’s Former Spokeswoman Hopes Trump Dies https://americanactionnews.com/ Joe Biden Back in Hiding as New Report Exposes Big Problems for the Biden Family / Hillary Clinton Approved Scheme to Tie Trump to This Fake Scandal https://deepstatejournal.com/ An NFL Player’s Message to Police Will Leave You Speechless https://tinyurl.com/yyjeeb85 Cuts in Policing Have 'Led to 710 Murders and More Than 2,800 Gunshot Victims' Across the US -Daily Mail Online https://tinyurl.com/y5nlory3 Stories The President Wants You To Read https://www.whitehouse.gov/ Westwing News: Amy Coney Barrett Redefines Feminism: ‘A New Role Model for Women Instead of the One Size Fits All’ https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: President Trump takes action to protect American mining from China https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: An Alberta, Canada, teenager whose skills at emulating the movements of a horse -- including quadrupedal jumps -- went viral online is now being featured in Ripley's Believe It or Not! "Horse girl" Ava Vogel, 17, of Edmonton, said she started emulating the movements of horses about six years ago, and three years ago she turned her attention to jumping on all fours like an equine. "I would look at actual videos of horses and I rode horses myself so I figured out how the horse moved and I would transfer that over to the human skeleton to figure out how I could apply that to myself," Vogel told Canadian news. "It took a lot of training and repetition to be able to build up the proper muscles and a lot of stretching so my wrists were strong enough to handle the impact," she said. The teenager has gone viral online for her Instagram videos showing her clearing obstacles more than 3 feet high. "I jump around and I gallop around on all four legs and try to mimic a horse as best I can," Vogel said. "Some people think it's very unique and interesting and they support me and a lot of people think it's very weird and strange, which I can certainly understand." Vogel's viral skills landed her in Ripley's Believe it or Not!, which released its latest edition this week. -<>- Argentinian lawmaker Juan Emilio Ameri, has resigned after getting caught on a live camera pulling down his girlfriend's top to kiss her newly enhanced breasts. Ameri sat through parts of a virtual session of congress seemingly unaware that his camera was turned on, but well aware that he was turned on, with a woman sitting on his lap. At one point, he pulled down part of the woman's shirt and exposed her, before kissing them, according to the Post. Ameri thought he was off camera because his internet had gone down several times and admitted his girlfriend recently had her breasts enhanced. He said: "I saw that my partner came out of the bathroom and I asked how she was, due to the operation. At that moment she sat with me and I kissed her on them without realizing that the connection had returned." The session was then interrupted by House president Sergio Massa, who called it a "serious offense" and suspended Ameri for 180 days. Ameri resigned shortly thereafter, stating: "It was serious, really. I take responsibility. I'm very ashamed." *--- The definition of art has really changed ---* The mystery of nearly 32 tons of carrots dumped onto a street on the campus of a London university was revealed to be an art installation by a student. Londoners took to social media with photos and questions about the giant pile of carrots dumped by a truck onto a road through the University of London campus. The school revealed the pile of carrots is an art installation by Rafael Perez Evans, an art student at the university's Goldsmiths art college. A spokesman for the college said the exhibit, titled "Grounding," is part of the Master of Fine Arts degree show, which runs Oct. 2-6. "Rafael has arranged for the carrots to be removed at the end of the exhibition run and donated to animals," the spokesman told MyLondon. Evans said in a YouTube post that the installation is designed to raise awareness of food waste stemming from the devaluing of crops. *--- Jet suit paramedics ---* Emergency responders in Britain tested out a new "jet suit" that could soon be used by paramedics and search and rescue workers covering difficult terrain. Richard Browning, founder of Gravity Industries and the inventor of the jet suit, took on piloting duties for the test carried out this week in partnership with the Great North Air Ambulance Service. Browning took the suit to heights of 10 to 20 feet in a simulated search for a party of walkers lost on the Langdale Pikes. The inventor was able to find the walkers within minutes, a feat officials said would have taken more than an hour on foot. The test is part of a program that officials said could see "jet suit paramedics" donning similar equipment as early as next summer. *--- Scenic Photo Op Goes Way Wrong ---* Authorities in Utah shared photos of a car that "decided to go for a swim" when its owner got out of the vehicle to take some photos next to a reservoir. Wasatch County Search and Rescue said the owner of the car had pulled the vehicle onto the ramp at the Deer Creek Reservoir in Deer Creek State Park to take some photos of the car with the water in the background. The photo op went wrong when the unoccupied car rolled down the ramp and into the water. "The owner of the car had gone to the ramp at the State Park boat ramp to take pictures of his car," the search and rescue team said. "So when the car decided to go for a swim the owner was out of the car." The team shared photos of the vehicle submerged in the reservoir before being fished out. *--- Profane parrots removed from zoo ---* A British zoo said five parrots were removed from public display after the birds spent their time in quarantine together teaching each other to shout profanities. The Lincolnshire Wildlife Park said the five African grey parrots, named Eric, Jade, Elsie, Tyson and Billy, were given to the facility by five different owners in the same week, so the birds were put into quarantine together before going on display. The time alone gave the parrots time to teach one another their favorite swear words, park officials said. The birds were put on public display, but soon removed when zookeepers discovered the outcome of their time together. "It just went ballistic, they were all swearing," zoo chief executive Steve Nichols told CNN. "We were a little concerned about the children." Nichols said zoo officials are hoping keeping the birds separated will give them an opportunity to clean up their language before returning to public display. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) __,_____ (( __.==--" - - - - - - -------- ==> /\(-' `-)))/))) (((((\( )/)\)\\ ,//(((((\\. ((( (! !) ))) "bAd hAIr dAy" _))) - |(_ ._//\ O /\\_. `-'_/`,-.'\-`- ,' \/===\/ `. hjw >SMILES I dropped off my wife at the hair stylist and she was supposed to call me when she was ready to be picked up. She must have dialed a wrong number, she reported later. She called, and a man said "Hello," to which she cheerfully said, "Come and get me!" The man said, "Are you SURE? This is Mitchell's Funeral Home." ------- I called a wrong number recently, and realized my mistake when no one answered after several rings. That afternoon I received a call from a woman that went as follows: "I'm Mrs. Jones. Did you call me today?" "I don't remember calling you. But I dialed a wrong number today and that might have been yours." "How could you dial my number by mistake? It's unlisted!" ------- A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO. SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.' SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO' THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN. SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.' THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN. FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM. WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC. SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.' BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128LBS , YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG, AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND. ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN'. SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO'. --- ...LMAO! Good ones! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: . .---------.'---. '. : .' '. .::: .' '.'::'.' '||' || || mrz || ---====--- >It's Manhattan A patron ordered a Manhattan. When it was served there was a piece of parsley floating in the glass. "What in the world is this?" asked the man. The bartender peered into the glass and replied, "That's Central Park." -<>- >Late for School TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? STUDENT: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." -<>- >The Fly Swatter I stopped at a friends house the other day and found him stalking around the kitchen with a flyswatter. When I asked if he had gotten any flies he answered, "Yeah, 5 .... 3 males and 2 females." Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference. He answered, "It's easy, 3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone. -<>- >What Would You Like? A guy went out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?" She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much." -<>- THE ELEPHANT The elephant's got ___.---.___ a long trunk, he uses to .' ( ) '. get a drink. I can think ) /)' '( ) of one more use for it. ',_( ';-;'\_,' To check his |-| /(feet)\ (") (( don't)) stink !Well I had a go! PjP Phil >Q and A Quickies: Q: What is green, four legs and two trunks? A: Two seasick tourists. Q: What does one falling star say to the other falling star? A: Glad to meteor. Q: What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear? A: Ferry tales. Q: What does the Gingerbread Boy have on his bed? A: Cookie sheets. Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers? A: They have two left feet! 8c __/~\__ (((\_/))) _) (_ cgmm Q: Why do chicken coops have two doors? A: Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made available for calling guests who wished to rise at an early hour. "No need for that, young man," snapped the old timer. "I always wake up at five A.M. sharp - without an alarm clock." "Very good, sir," the clerk replied, then asked, "Would you mind calling me at six?" -<>- I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.' When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work. "Just where do you think you're going?" she asked. "What do you mean?" I said. She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long." -<>- Years of smoking finally caught up with my friend John one morning when he keeled over at work, clutching his heart. He was rushed to a hospital and peppered with questions. "Do you smoke?" asked a paramedic. "No," John whispered. "I quit." "That's good. When did you quit?" "Around 9:30 this morning." -<>- A customer at a coffee shop was clearly peeved by the text message he'd just received. "You ever have that ex-girl- friend who just won't go away?" he asked his friend. "Yeah," came the reply. "My wife." -<>- While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious lady asked the guide: "So, what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One." -<>- As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." _...._ .' '. / __ \ | .' \ / \ | /.' \ | '.\ _ \_><_\ | `-._ _...__ | -"`` ``"-, |, _. ) / /``"'---"`|-' / | .-' '-; | \ 6_) 6_)\ \ '. ) \ '. ,---' _.--.` / '-.._\- `""`.' `'-. .--' .=========| |=========, '. | | .' jgs `-._ `-._| .-' `-._ `_.-' '-.-' The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!" ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: "Weave the unveiling fabric of God's word through your heart and mind. It will hold strong, even if the rest of life unravels." - Gigi Graham Tchividjian The Lift .-'"""`-. ( ) |`-.___.-'| |.-'"""`-.| | | |`-.___.-'| | | |. ' " ` .| | | `-.___.-' VK Water >Drink Plenty of Water! (Author Unknown) I've heard it. I've read it. As long as I have been running, it's always been the same message: "drink plenty of water." All along most race courses are water stations, and most runners slow down to drink a cup of cool water. Keeping your water level up is critical when you run. If you get slightly dehydrated, you will not run well. If you get moderately dehydrated, you will become disoriented. If you get seriously dehydrated, you can die. It's serious business. The first year I ran was 1991, and I was inexperienced (also younger, slimmer, stupider, etc.) I passed water stop after water stop, occasionally drinking a swallow or two. I felt good, and I wasn't going to waste precious seconds drinking water, even though it was a hot, humid day. Big mistake. As I neared the final mile, I "hit the wall." My energy level dropped to zero, I began having to walk some, and I realized I would have to work hard just to finish. I did make it across the line, but only with a tremendous headache and hardly enough energy to walk. It was not much fun. I learned an important lesson that year. Stopping for water doesn't actually slow you down. In fact, you will run a better race if you do drink water. The bottom line is that your body is simply not designed to function without water. In the same way, your spiritual stamina depends on stopping for regular drinks of "spiritual water." The dilemma for busy believers is finding time to invest in reading the Word and meeting with God in prayer. Like the runner intent on reaching the finish line, we tend to put off those regular drinks of water until we are totally parched. But in the long run, you will run a better race if you will stop for spiritual water. In fact, finishing the Christian race at all may depend on it. And runners who don't ever slow down to take a drink often stumble off the course far short of the finish line. In this year's race, I saw a man become dehydrated just a mile from the finish. Strangely, he didn't seem to recognize that anything was wrong. He was swaying from side to side as he walked, mumbling over and over, "I'm fine. I'm fine." He was so disoriented that he didn't even recognize his own sick condition. If you let yourself become spiritually dehydrated, you may not even be able to recognize it. Stop today to drink some cool "living water." For serious runners, it's a must. -<>- ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ,'_ _'. _ ,'_ _'. ,'_ _'. _____ ,'_ _'. ,'_ _'. / (a)(a) \ [_] / (_)(_) \ / (_)(_) \ [_____] / (a)(a) \ / (a)(a) \ | 7 | _ | | | | _____ | 7 | | 7 | \ .__. / [_] \ -- / \ -- / [_____] \ .__. / \ .__. / `.____,' `.____,' `.____,' `.____,' `.____,' jrei >WITTY SAYINGS - Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? - I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self- help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. - Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? - Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? - How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? -<>- >"E-mail Wishes" STOP SCROLLING NOW. Ok. If you send this message to: 5 people - Your wish may or may not come true. 10 people - Your wish may or may not come true. 50 people - Your wish may or may not come true. 100000 people - Your wish may or may not come true. If you don't send this to anyone, your wish may or may not come true. One man sent this email to 200 friends, and his wish came true. Someone else sent it to 197 people and they died. Still another sent it to 213 people and their life has not been affected in any way. KNOW WHY?????? BECAUSE EMAIL IS A MESSAGE SYSTEM!!! EMAIL CANNOT GRANT WISHES OR GIVE YOU LUCK...GOOD, BAD, OR OTHERWISE! EMAIL IS ABOUT AS MAGICAL AS DRYER LINT! -<>- >Birth of Internet In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, "eBay," he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO", said Abraham. And that is how it all began. It wasn't Al Gore after all. -<>- ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ >Quick Jokes "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knows his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The Judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" -------- A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellant, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from mice to elephants. "Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a bit skeptical. "Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven't had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!" -------- Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio." ------- After being retired for a couple of years and completing all the jobs my wife had lined up for me, I began to feel somewhat useless and decided to enroll in a couple of courses at the local adult- education school. I noted, upon registration, that there was no tuition fee for a person over 60. As I handed my tediously-filled -out papers to the clerk, I announced, "I'm 63." Then, pulling out my wallet, I asked if she wanted to see my driver's license. She replied, "No, that's okay." A little surprised, I asked, "Oh, do I look honest?" "No," she answered. "You look 63." (By A. B. Hansen) -------- I found New York City immense and confusing on my first trip there. One evening during the rush hour, I stopped at a newsstand in the heart of Times Square and asked the vendor which direction was north. "Look, buddy," he replied in a loud and annoyed voice. "We got uptown, we got downtown, and we got cross-town. We don't got north." -------- __ / \ / ..|\ (_\ |_) / \@' / \ _ / ` | \\/ \ | _\ \ /_ || \\_ \____)|_) \_) Ruth Ginsberg I had volunteered to help my cousin with moving to a new town house. Loading the truck went fast, but several of us had to ride in the truck, so the cab of our rented moving truck was crowded. Too crowded, as there was no room left for my cousin's enormous, black, Great Dane in the cab. So, laughing, we put him in the driver's seat of the pickup we were towing. Once on the road, there was a sudden eruption of noise. We looked back to see the Dane's huge paws resting on the horn while he howled in protest. As we were about to pull over, another car came alongside the driver, rolled down his window and hollered, "Hey, lady! .... Why don't you let him pass?" SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Morons At Work 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork6.html Island's Volcano http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/volcano.html Salvation Mountain!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salvation.html Keukenhof Gardens!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kgardens.html Niagara Falls Frozen!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/niagarafalls.html Stainless VS Gold!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stainlesscar.html Humor With Golf!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfhumor.html Men Will Be Boys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html IRONIC Isn't It 3?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony3.html Extreme Rednecks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html Great White Shark!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Dangerous Critters!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters.html Grizzly Bear Killed!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grizzly.html Shopping With Men!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menshopping.html Most Expensive Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensivecars.html Geography Of Women Vs Men!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womenvsmen.html Fall & Halloween Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Magician Hans Klok and the 'Divas of Magic' break a new record, performing 15 illusions in 5 minutes at the French TV show 'The World's Greatest Cabaret.' https://youtu.be/BCJhRfwylSI A cool look at “Tanker 911” in action at the Powerhouse brush fire in California in June 2013. The pilots that fly these tankers are amazing as it’s incredibly dangerous to fly this low and then drop thousands of pounds of fire retardant. These DC-10 tankers are currently being used to fight wildfires all over the Western United States including the wildfires in Colorado. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPedHJNQNUM --- ...Wow! Pretty Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu! There is no way this man could be President of the United States! I feel everyone should see this montage proving that this man is incompetent. What are the Democrats thinking & what is his family thinking? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGJGI1d96Ns&ab_channel=DrewBerquist --- ...Joe is still a joke! Thanks LouiseAu! His family should be ashamed of putting this man suffering and struggling to think from dementia through this! He needs to be able to retire and sniff, grope and nibble his own wife at home. "Sure, it's probably an affectionate -- or maybe bored -- gesture. Campaigning, after all, is hard. But Biden still has no sense of the propriety of time and place. To Biden, the campaign trail stage podium is as good a place as any for finger nibbling. Presidential? Not exactly. More like juvenile. For all the talk about President Trump not having self-control, nobody's ever seen Trump do anything like that in a public place. Trump's actually a model of presidential propriety. It's as if Biden can't control himself. He's already known as Mister Handsy for his unwanted gropings of young women unable to get away from him in pictures. But now he's still at it, doing his weird stuff this time with his wife's fingers. It's as if he doesn't think there's any need to look presidential, he can just go on indulging his impulses and appetites. Combine it with his malaproprisms in general and signs of senility on the Democratic debate podium, and one wonders if this guy isn't just a little off. https://tinyurl.com/y3twmfw3 This puts it into perspective and says it very well... Dr. Dobson's Open Letter To Christians Regarding The Election: "This is not a junior high or high school popularity/personality contest. I'm not voting for the person—I'm voting for the platform! I'm voting for the Second Amendment. I'm voting for the next Supreme Court justice. I'm voting for the electoral college. I'm voting for the Republic in which we live. I'm voting for the police and law and order. I'm voting for the military and the veterans who fought and died for this country. I'm voting for the flag that is often missing from public events. I'm voting for the right to speak my opinion and not be censored for it. I'm voting for secure borders. I'm voting for the right to praise God without fear. I'm voting for every unborn soul that is at risk of being aborted. I'm voting for freedom and the American dream. I'm voting for good and against evil. I'm not just voting for one person. I'm voting for the future of my country!" - - - "In summary, this election is for all the marbles . . . the Presidency, the House of Representatives, the Senate, and the Supreme Court. Together, they set the agenda for this country. If you love America and don't want it to be "fundamentally transformed," it is time to do three things: Pray like never before that God will spare this great nation from tyranny and oppression of religious liberty. Volunteer to help your candidates. Vote for the candidates who will best uphold your values and convictions. Also, consider forwarding this letter to your friends, family, and others whom you might influence. May God bless America!" https://tinyurl.com/y5no47pg Still True Today - Poem by Judge Roy Moore http://heritage-signs.us/ten/poem.phtml Get Out And VOTE - TRUMP/PENCE 2020! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study finds that if you're drunk around sober people, you'll think you're less drunk than if you're around other drunk people. And if you're drunk around sober people, chances are you've got a problem." -Jimmy Fallon "Dunkin' Donuts announced next year they will shorten their name from Dunkin' Donuts to just 'Dunkin'.' And their customers will shorten the name of their disease from diabetes to just 'betes from now on." -Conan O'Brien "A restaurant in Manhattan has created a $15, 25-ounce milk shake, which comes in a cream cheese frosted glass covered in marshmallows and cereal, filled with ice cream and topped with a cinnamon bun. At least that's what it said on the toxicology report." -Seth Meyers "A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features. So now he just has to sit back and wait for somebody to murder his parents." -Seth Meyers "The investment banking firm Goldman Sachs joined Instagram in an attempt to endear themselves to a new generation. Today, Goldman posted a meme that said, 'We're the reason your parents lost your childhood home.'" -Conan O'Brien "I saw that Gucci debuted a pair of leather underwear for men. Leather underwear. The designers were like, 'How can we make a humid day a thousand times worse?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A high school student has developed an app that helps teens locate a welcoming group of kids in the lunchroom called 'Sit With Us' - or as bullies call it, 'Victim Finder.'" -Seth Meyers "Scientists developed a robotic skin that can make stuffed animals appear to come to life. It's being hailed as a breakthrough for people who like to scare small children." -Conan O'Brien "Trump just got a new $1.5 million limo. It fires tear gas, has night vision, and can lay down an oil slick to make anyone chasing it spin out of control. I'm pretty sure Trump was like, 'Build me the Batmobile. Just do it.'" -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. 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