Gobble Gobble Turkey Jokes And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ *~* HAPPY BLESSED THANKSGIVING To All Who Celebrate Early! *~* |_| _, _ _ ___ | |(_||_)|_)\_| .'=:-\ ___ | | ._| /.='( ` | |_ _ ,_ |/ , _ . .,_ _ /. ^=.'-._..---. | | |(_|| ||\/_)(_|||/|| |(_| | =^.'=.'^//"(_`\\)8, ._| ._| |^.'=' .=||/' `\||;8.-' \'.^,=^'.||; ; ||8/:_,_ give thanks... './-`\= \\\.-./;//,_/`- \ jgs \__/-/'-\888::((()),_ /:. .O__/ (_88:::(())):. `8':. ' >A Thanksgiving eCard from Our Friend Kay :) http://tinyurl.com/6r73tea --- ...lovely! Thank You Kay! -<>- If You Are Looking For Some YUMMY RECIPES, Be Sure To Check Out .-""""-._.'| / '.| | / | / | -= | /| ( | |/`< ) ) ( ; -=| _| ) \ \ / ____ /) '._ _.-""-.< .' `\/) / / \ / _ .'`/| _ / | '-._( __\ (__/_/=, ( \| \ -=/ /--;==========` ._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.' `'--/,/ || ' \ / | / || ' \ \/ . || ; jgs / / || | | . || | / '=------| / ' ; ; ;| `-.___.___.___.___._/ Easy-Does-It Home Recipes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html -<>- >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first scorcher is from a forward from our friend Karen. It's one I never heard of before and quite unusual. My most favorite tree is the oak and this oldie goldie sure has done it's duty giving back to society! Check out its unique use here... _|_ ____|____ #%@@ /~~~~.~~~~\ @@%# @%%#%%, /~~~~/ \~~~~\ ,%%#%%@ %%@@%%@%/~~~~/ : \~~~~\%@%%@@%% `@%%%@#@/____/ (X) \____\@%%%@#@` @@\@%%@`|.`.| ___ |.`.|`@%%@/@@ `#%/@ |:x:|| .||:x:| @\%#` || |:x:|| ||:x:| || -_|| _-|:x:||~ .||:x:|-_ ||_- !-!-!-!-!-|___||___||___|-!-!-!-!-!lc Chapel Oak http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oakchapel.html --- ...Most interesting! Thank You Karen! Our next hot tottie comes from our friend Johanna. It is one that I call a combo because it is both a heartwarmer and a bit of a heartbreaker rolled into one. Two Great Danes become best of pals when tragedy strikes the one with blindness. Be sure to watch the video - it'll help make you feel just a little better. ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB Lily And Maddison http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatdanes.html --- ...Awww, so endearing! Thank You Johanna! -<>- >>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<< From Mike... your web page "Limo's used in US History"..... The "1983 Cadillac - Reagan's Ride" you have shown during his inauguration parade is actually the 1979 Lincoln from the Ford and Carter years. Not the Caddy he used in later years. - Mike --- ...Thank you so much Mike! I have corrected this here: Limos In US History http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html ============================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: .---------------------------------------------------------------. // Please Be Advised: \\ \\ // // Don't go to the bathroom on November 28th. CIA intelligence \\ \\ reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone // // who does on the 28th will be bitten on the butt by an alli- \\ \\ gator. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators // // are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet \\ \\ bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business. // // \\ \\ I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this inform- // // ation from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a \\ \\ friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows // // this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hot- \\ \\ dogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the // // shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer \\ \\ sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA // // building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the \\ \\ bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we // // are going to be attacked. So it must be true. \\ \\ // '---------------------------------------------------------------' =================================================================== .========. .-| |-. .''-'`_.|__ __ __|._`'-''. / .--'` | [LI] | `'--. \ .' / _.--'''""""'''--._ \ '. /` .' .-' _.----._ '-. '. `\ | / / .' _ _ '. \ \ | | | | / `_ _` \ | | | / / '. | (o)(o) | .' \ \ | | '._| .-""-. |_.' | | | \ / | \ / | \ / | / / | / \ /\/\ / \ | \ \ | | / | '-.( ).-' | \ | | | | | / \`""`/ \ | | | \ \ / | _.-| |-._ | \ / / \ \ | / .' | | '. \ | / / '. './ | .' / \ '. | \.' .' '._| \/ \/ |_.' `'{` , , `}'` { } { } { } { } { } { } \,/ \,/ '. .' jgs '-.__ __.-' { _}""{_ } / \ / \ /=/=|=| |=|=\=\ \/\/\_/ \_/\/\/ >-->Gobble Gobble Turkey Jokes... Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? A: Because they never learned good table manners! Q: What sound does a space turkey make? A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble. Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? A: The turkey because he's already stuffed! After Thanksgiving dinner was finished, Mort saw his little brother Sid in the backyard, poking holes in the dirt and filling them in with birdseed. "Why are you planting birdseed?" Mort asked. "I'm growing next year's turkey," Sid replied. Jimmy: Mmmmm! That turkey smells good and it's not even done yet. How long will it be? Mom: About the same length as it was before I put it into the oven, I suppose. Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make? A: Wing! Wing! It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. "Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one." "Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!" Q: What's a turkey's favorite song? A: "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don’t know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!" The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?" Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To get to the other side. Q: Why don't you let a turkey get near corn? A: Because they will gobble, gobble, gobble it. Q: What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter? A: Dead weight. Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? A: Turkey. Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? A: Goblet. Q: What was the turkey suspected of? A: Fowl play. Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus? A: Eight feather dusters! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) The moral of this story is don't mess with KIDS _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >Children Are Quick ____________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. --------------------------------------------------------- TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher __________________________________ --- ...LOL! Thanks Jo Ann! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) ____ / __ \ __/==LI==\__ `"///""""\\\"` ( . . ) \ __ / ;.__.; /` /\ `\ | /::\ | /\ / :: \ /\ / \/ :: \/ \ /\/`>==::==<`\/\ (_/ / :: \ \_) /__________\ | || | |- || -| jgs \.-||-./ /LI/\LI\ (__/ \__) >HOLY HUMOR GOOD SAMARITAN A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up." DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms." THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know." UNANSWERED PRAYER The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked. BEING THANKFUL A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!" SAY A PRAYER Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do" his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook." THE BIBLE Did you know that...When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache. When you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. Let's read the Bible every day - So he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and never wake up. And did you also know that when you are about to forward this email to others, The devil will discourage you, but forward it anyway. =================================================================== _,--"^^"-.,_ _.-"~^`~-. .-~`^~"-._ ,="`"-._ .----. _.-"`"=, ;_ "-. (0 )( 0) .-" _; .' `~"=,_ '.\ \/ /.' _,="~` `. ;_ "-. _.-) (-._ .-" _; : ^~"-.,___.' ( ) `.___,.-"~^ ; : _: `--' :_ : '._,-~"` :': :': `"~-,_.' '.,_.-`. .'`-._,.' jgs :__.-`-.______.-'`-.__; // \\ (((~ ~))) >-->Cold Turkey It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, Bobby Evans collapsed in a Wal-Mart in Worcester Massachusetts. Other customers gathered around and the first-aider was summoned. It did not look good for Bobby, there was blood coming out of his ear, his face looked white and he was unconscious. The store manager dialed 911 and when the medical team arrived the first thing they did was take off Bobby's hat, to everyone's amazement inside was a partially frozen turkey. What felled Bobby was the chill from turkey numbing his brain. The blood came from the giblets which had melted and leaked over his hair and down into his ear.Funny Turkey Pictures As it was Thanksgiving the manager took pity, and rather than prosecuting the shop-lifter, gave him the partly thawed bird and sent Bobby on his way. Two days later the manager got a letter from Bobby apologizing for his behavior and thanking the manager for his action. Also inside the envelope was $15, the price of his turkey =================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From PatriotNews: One of the “Too Big to Fail” banks has failed! http://tinyurl.com/7g8dhle Stand with Sheriff Joe and Protect Our Borders http://tinyurl.com/7yh9xbj -<>- >From The TeaParty: Limbaugh: Libs Going Mad - Cain up $9 Million in six weeks! http://tinyurl.com/84dmwtk -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Chris Matthews Turns on Obama: 'I Hear Stories You Would Not Believe' http://tinyurl.com/7z8m2ep -<>- >From CowboyByte: 'Lone wolf' terror suspect arrested in New York http://tinyurl.com/75bjrqy -<>- >From BizarreNews: There are a lot of threats facing air travel in the United States today. There are shoe bombers, underwear bombers, liquids in excess of three ounces, surly flight attendants and now, lavatories. The pilot of a flight from North Carolina to New York accidentally caused a terror scare when he became locked in a restroom and asked for help. Chatauqua Airlines said the pilot, who was flying from Asheville, N.C., to LaGuardia Airport, took a bathroom break shortly before the plane's scheduled landing and the latch on the door jammed. The captain called for help, and a man sitting in the front row of the plane responded. The pilot asked the passenger, who had a foreign accent, to alert the crew in the cockpit to the situation. However, the co-pilot was spooked when the man knocked on the door to the cockpit. "The captain disappeared in the back, and, uh, I have someone with a thick foreign accent trying to access the cockpit," the co-pilot told air traffic controllers. "What I'm being told is he's stuck in the lav (lavatory), and, uh, someone with a thick foreign accent is giving me a password to access the cockpit." "I'm not about to let him in," he said, apparently not believing the man. Fighter planes were alerted, but not scrambled, before the pilot managed to free himself from the lavatory. *-- Police: Son threw ham, struck mom --* UNION CITY, Tenn. - Police in Tennessee said a man arrested on a domestic assault charge admitted to throwing a ham that struck his mother in the back. Union City police said Brenda King, 55, told officers her son, Emanual Cordell Kennedy, 37, threw an object that struck her in the back while she was walking down the hall during an argument Tuesday, The (Union City) Messenger reported Thursday. Officers said Kennedy admitted to throwing the ham and said he was not expecting his mother to be walking down the hall at the time and had not meant to hit her with the meat. Kennedy was arrested on a charge of domestic assault. *-- Texas man steals, barbecues goat --* LAKEWAY, Texas - A Texas man has been charged with felony theft and possession of a controlled substance after stealing and eating another man's goat. Javier Aguirre, 27, was also being held by police for immigration reasons, the Austin (Texas) American-Statesman reported Wednesday. A Lakeway man reported his 245-pound, 7-month-old goat was stolen from its pen Nov. 8, an arrest affidavit stated. The victim told police a friend told him Aguirre took the $3,500 animal. Aguirre was already in police custody when detectives impounded his truck, finding blood and goat hair in the bed. The affidavit said Aguirre told police he took the goat, which he described as "very gentle, like a dog," butchered it and served it up as barbecue to people in a neighborhood near Lake Travis. *-- Man runs out of toilet paper, trashes room --* CHARLOTTE, N.C. - A man caused more than $2,000 in damage to a Charlotte, N.C., hotel after discovering he had run out of toilet paper in his room, police say. Police say between late Sunday and early Monday at the Charlottetown Manor, Dereck MacDonald, 43, became very upset upon discovering he ran out of toilet paper, The Charlotte Observer reported. MacDonald allegedly walked into a vacant room at the hotel and clogged the toilet, causing water damage to the room, a police report states. "The suspect then went back to his room and damaged additional property by physical force," the report says. MacDonald reportedly caused more than $2,000 in damage in the two rooms combined. Police arrested the man and charged him with injury to personal property. *-- Russia getting soldiers badminton supplies --* MOSCOW - Officials with the Russian Defense Ministry said all military units are being provided with badminton equipment to help them sharpen their skills. Alexander Schepelev, head of physical training for the ministry, said about 10,000 rackets and tens of thousands of shuttlecocks are being purchased for the units to help soldiers with their eye muscles, cardiovascular strength and reaction speed, RIA Novosti reported Monday. "Badminton is very useful for every soldier without exception. But it will be particularly useful for shooters and snipers," Schepelev said. However, Alexander Khramchikhin, deputy director of Russia's Institute of Political and Military Analysis, said playing the sport would likely only benefit soldiers by providing a way to relieve stress. The move comes after President Dmitry Medvedev posted a clip to his official blog of a badminton game he played with Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. Medvedev said in the clip, which was aimed at children, the sport "develops your physical form, eye coordination, accuracy and reactions." -<>- >From Archived 2007 CoffeeHouse: World's Largest Disco revives '70s style The styles of the 1970s, perhaps better left for dead and gone in the eyes of some, were on full display at the World's Largest Disco in Buffalo, N.Y. Seven-thousand people wearing the platform shoes and wide collars typical for the historical musical genre crammed into the Buffalo Niagara Convention Center for this weekend's event, The Buffalo News said. While disco hits such as "I Will Survive" and "Le Freak" played Saturday night, a noticeably large security force was on hand -- in case any of the groovy guys and gals got too freaky. "One of the reasons we don't have any problems is we have an over abundance of security," event organizer Dave Pietrowski said. Carol Luzzi -- dressed in a period-appropriate halter top -- said she only came for one thing. "We're here to boogie," she said. School: Exercise is for the naughty Some parents at a New Zealand school are concerned a policy of using exercise as punishment may be giving children the wrong idea. Instead of timeouts and detention, student scofflaws at the Rangikura primary school in Porirua are required to run laps around the sports field, the Dominion Post reported. Principal Paul Nees says the jogging is a way for students to burn off excess energy so they can return to class and focus on their work. But many parents -- and the government's Sport and Recreaation agency -- worry students will develop negative associations with exercise that will keep them from developing a healthy lifelong attitude toward fitness, the newspaper said. "I have no problem with them being punished, but maybe using physical exercise is not the right sort of punishment," Andrew Scott, whose 8-year-old son was recently ordered to run laps for playing tackle rugby, told the Dominion Post. New Zealand faces many of the same childhood obesity problems as the nited States. Expensive turkey enjoying its last days Holly the organic bronze turkey will soon become Britain's first family turkey costing more than $200, but until then the animal is enjoying its spoiled life. Raised on the finest organic cereals at a farm in the British county of Berkshire, Holly will continue enjoying a lush life until the time comes for it to be prepared for one family's Christmas dinner, The Telegraph said. Holly's owner, Tom Copas, said the key to raising a turkey worthy of that record-setting sum is allowing the animal to reach an age of 25 weeks. "Unlike birds reared until they are only 10 or 12 weeks old, they have good fat cover," he said, "and any cook will tell you that most of the flavor comes from the fat." For those who still find the cost a bit too high, Copas pushed the importance of a good holiday meal. "It is the most important part of the most important meal of the year, so it makes sense to buy a really good one," he told the Telegraph. "And quality comes at a price." =================================================================== ####### ##[_]## ,;###########;, <<:{{\|@___@|/}}:>> <<:{{| ( /___\\) \}}:>> <<:{{/\ \\___/( /\}}:>> <<<<:{{| \ _.| |(_\/ |}}:>>>> <<<:{{|`\,'| '-' |'./`|}}:>>> <<<:{{|`\/ \___/ \/`|}}:>>> <<<:{{ \// ) ~ ~ ( \\/ }}:>>> <<:{{`{///' ~ ^ ~ '\\\}`}}:>>> <<:{{,=`. ~ ^.~.^ ~ .`=,}}:>> `-,__.__,-' \ | / jgs // \\ .---'( )'---. `---'-` `-'---` >-->Turkey Tight End? A professional NFL team, the Philadelphia Eagles, had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded to be given a chance to play at tight end. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're superb. Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus.' 'Forget the bonus,' replied the turkey, 'What I want to know is, does your season go past Thanksgiving Day?' =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) _ _ /_) (/| __|___ ./ \. ./) (\. (______________) ((( ))) ((( ^ ^ ))) (( @ @ )) (c C o)> \ ___, / \_ _/ jgs `--' >A Little Old Lady ... A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check out counter. The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat." The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog." So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food. The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and quickly pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like sh**." The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy four rolls of toilet paper." MORAL: Don't mess with old people. --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) ( ) ( ____.....(.-------)-......____ .--"""` ) ( `"""--.. .-'``'|`--..__ ) __..--`| / .--.| ``"""----.............----"""`` | / / | Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. | | | | It maketh me to wake in green pastures: | | | | It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. | | | | It restoreth my buzz. It leadeth me in the | | | | paths of consciousness for its name's sake. | \ \ | Yea, though I walk through the valley of the| `\ `\ | shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal. | `. `\| For thou art with me. Thy cream and thy | / /| sugar, they comfort me. Thou preparest a | _/ / | carafe before me in the presence of The | jgs (__/ | Starbucks. Thou anointest my day with pep. | | My mug runneth over. Surely richness and | _..---""`\ taste shall follow me all the days of my /`""---.._ .-' \ life, and I will dwell in the House of / '-. : `-.__ Mocha forever. Amen __.-' : : )``"""-----.........-----"""``( : '._ `"---.....____ ____.....---"` _.' \""--..__ ````` __..--""/ '._ ```"""-----.......___________.......-----"""``` _.' `"""----....,,________ ________,,....----""""` `"""----"""` >You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When: You ski uphill. You speed walk in your sleep. You answer the door before people knock. You sleep with your eyes open. You just completed your third sweater today, and you don’t know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you’re standing still is in an earthquake. You lick your coffee pot clean. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. You can type sixty words a minute with your feet. You don’t sweat, you percolate. People get dizzy just watching you. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. Your Thermos is on wheels. You can outlast the Energizer Bunny. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore. You don’t tan, you roast. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.” --- ...Teehee! Good Ones! Thanks Bunni! -<>- : \ _ / -= (_) =- ,________|_] | // // // | |//_//_//_/| ||""""""""|| ||________|| |.========.| jgs || || >THE HANDYMAN'S GUIDE ~ Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. ~ Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it. ~ Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. ~ If something looks level, it is level. ~ If what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid. --- ...That's Right! HaHa! Thanks Bunni! -<>- , }`-. , , \ \ '-' \ .-'{ _} . | ,`\ / ' ; .-;\ { \ | | / `/ '-.,/ ; | { -- -. ' '`-, .--._.' ; \__ \ \ | ' / |`. ; _,`\ '. '- ' `_- '.`; ; ,-`_.-' ,--. \ ` /` '--' `;.` (` _ .--.\ '._) '-. \ \ `-. ; `-';| '. -. ' __ '. ; ; _,-' / { __'.\ ' '-,/; `-' ';`.- ` .-' '-. `-._' | `; ;`' .-'` <_ -' ` .\ `; ; (_.'`\ _.;-"``"'-._'. `:; ___, _.-' | .-'\'. '.` \ \_,_`\ ;##` `'; _.' /_'._\ \ \__;#####./###. \` \.' .'`/"`/ (#######)###::.. _.' '.' .' ; , |:. `|()##`"""` jgs `'-../__/_\:: /O()()o ()'._.'`()()' >INTERESTING TRIVIA 1 Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer. 2 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. 3 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled. 4 On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily. 5 Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog. 6 Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine. 7 Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time. 8 Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood. 9 There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. 10 Leonardo DA Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips. 11 Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm. 12 The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"! 13 By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. 14 Mosquito repellents don't repel... They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there. 15 Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. 16 The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum. 17 Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. 18 Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot. 19 Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor. 20 The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. 21 To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, prick your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly. 22 The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. 23 The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp. 24 The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat. 25 Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. 26 The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. 27 Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "MT". 28 It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 29 In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off". 30 A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head. 31 We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime. 32 Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines. 33 Mexico City sinks about 10 inches a year. 34 Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV. 35 Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans. 36 When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka. 37 There are more chickens than people in the world. 38 The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest. 39 There are more telephones than people in Washington , D.C.. 40 The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day. 41 The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three times each morning. 42 The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations. 43 The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette company died of lung cancer. 44 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. 45 The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. 46 Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears never stop growing. 47 You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV. 48 A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks. 49 Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. 50 The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. 51 When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less. 52 Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned his wife or mother because they were both deaf. 53 A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe, leaving her mentally retarded 54 "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. 55 Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang Yourself." 56 Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. 57 "Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters. 58 Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do. 59 The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every Letter in the English language. 60 If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. 61 China has more English speakers than the United States. 62 Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell. 63 Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels. 64 An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day. 65 Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies. 66 Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his Lifetime. 67 According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg. 68 The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi- Pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu - a New Zealand hill. 69 If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at approximately 4:30pm the previous day. 70 Scientists in Australia 's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a Microwave in the building. 71 Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times. 72 More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a French kiss. 73 Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better. 74 Coca-Cola was originally green. 75 The most common name in the world is Mohammed. 76 The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with. 77 There are two credit cards for every person in the United States. 78 TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. 79 Women blink nearly twice as much as men!! 80 You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. 81, It is impossible to lick your elbow. 82. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because, when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond. Also, it was believed in olden times that the sneeze expelled an evil spirit. --- ...Wow! Lots of cool stuff! Thanks Bunni! I don't know if these are true and I'm not trying #21 to find out! ================================================================== .:. .:. \|/ .:. _ \\,/// \|/ | \|/ _/_\_ ___ \\|/// <#> | \|<#> | (") /.-.\ (")\\ \|<#>|/ \| / _ //U\\ |(")| //-\\\ | \| /<#>/ ( ) _ \|_|/ /)v(\ <#>_/|_|/\\ \ |/ |/ \| (_` )_('> | | \/~\/ |||\\\ \| | |/ (__,~_)8 ||| //_\\ ||| \\ |/ \| / \| / jgs _YY_ _[|]_ /_____\ _[|]_ \| |/ |/ """"""""'""'""'"""""'""""'""'"""'"""""''"'"""^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >-->A Thanksgiving in France The first Thanksgiving after moving overseas, I decided to treat my family to a traditional turkey dinner. I went to the closest store, which happened to be French-speaking, and approached the area where a variety of meats were laid out. Not being fluent in French, I looked and tried to determine on my own whether the large poultry breasts I saw were turkey or goose. The butcher indicated that he was ready to help me. I asked in broken French if he spoke English; he replied, 'No.' I tried again, asking if he spoke German; again, he replied, 'No.' I pointed at the poultry breasts, then tucked my thumbs in my armpits, flapped my arms, and said, 'Gobble, gobble?' The butcher broke into a smile as he replied, 'Oui.' Embarrassing, sure, but I ended up with a turkey and the butcher got a laugh! -A tale by Monica Harris ================================================================= _..----...__ .-" `"-. | | |__.==========.____| | | .======. | | ____ | | | | | | _.-' ""--.._ |__| '======' |___ | .' '-. _.-'`` '==========' ``""'--.._ / \' '. / ,,,,,,,,, |._.,,;;;''''''''';;;;;;;;;, | ; .;;;;;;;;;;;\ | ,;;;;;| .) .) `;;;;;;;;, / | /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;| ;;;;;/ (_ ';;;;;;;-'` | /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|| ;;;;;| `;;;;;; | |;;;;''' '/| ';;;;\ '----' ;;;;;' | |;;;' (' (' \\ `''''`---.___.- __;;''` ; |;;' _) \`) |~\ .-' '---'` ``"-. \ |;;;, .___. |/ / \_/__ _/\ _..,/`\ '-._ \"` `-' .'--"----"; `; '-..-/ \| `;;,--`-._____...-' ; ; ; `; \| || / `\ ; ' . ; \ || / / .-""-.\ . ; ; . ; || /`-./ // \\ ; ' . ; | || ; | `'--./| \'. ; ; ' | || | | | \-' ' ; | || | \ \ \ _ ; ' . | |/ \ >--------'. ` `''-._ , ; ; ;'-. _/' \/ '-._ \`'--. / `, / `'---...___/ / ,/---. /\ / \ ; `"""` ; \`- / / \ / \ ; ,-' /-' \ / \'----'----{ .' \ / \ `""` __..-' / \'----..------'''`` / / \ | .-' / \ | | \ / / \ ) '. .'----; ;------; '-._ _.-'___ | |____ | `'--..._______...--'` //__//__| //__//__| jgs | _| _|_ .--'`---` .--'`---` \ |__.\|___.\\_\ ( ( | / / `""\_____..__'.______..___/ \___.-\___.-._____/ >-->Top Ten Historical Thanksgiving Facts 1. Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November in the USA. 2. Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the second Monday in October in Canada. 3. The Plymouth Pilgrims were the first to celebrate the Thanksgiving. 4. They celebrated the first Thanksgiving Day in the fall of 1621. 5. The Wampanoag Indians were the people who taught the Pilgrims how to cultivate the land. 6. The Pilgrim leader, Governor William Bradford, had organized the first Thanksgiving feast in the year 1621 and invited the neighboring Wampanoag Indians also to the feast. 7. The state of New York officially made Thanksgiving Day an annual custom in 1817. 8. The annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade tradition began in the 1920's. 9. Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the USA. 10. By the fall of 1621 only half of the pilgrims, who had sailed on the Mayflower, survived. The survivors, thankful to be alive, decided to hold a thanksgiving feast. ================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: I work for a small software company with approximately fifty employees. My Boss was the company's third employee. At a meeting with a potential client, our team introduced our- selves one by one. When it was my Boss' turn, he said, "I've been with the company for it's entire 10 year history. I started as a 'lowly programmer' and now I am a senior manager." When it was my turn, I rose and said, "I'm new with the company. I'm still a lowly programmer." -<>- We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry." Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head. "This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree." -<>- As an instructional assistant for a public school, part of my job involves teaching small groups of children. One day I was in charge of some second-graders, who were con- centrating on their artwork. As I reached across to help a student, he remarked that something smelled good. I was pleased that he noticed my perfume, until he held a wide felt-tip pen up to his nose and said, "Yep. New markers." [I can sympathize with this second-grader. I feel the same way about felt-tip markers.] -<>- Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative. -<>- I knew I had been in the military too long when my five-year- old daughter sang her version of "Silent Night." It went like this: "Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright, Round yon virgin mother and child, Holy infantry, tender and mild..." [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.] -<>- A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward." -<>- A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know!" -<>- One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested. "I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it." ================================================================ .-""""-._.'| / '.| | / | / ( | -= | /| ) ( | |/`< ) ) ; -=| _| ______ \ \ / .' `. /) '._ _.-""-.< .' `\/) / / \ / ___ .--'`/| _ / | '-._( ____\ (____/_/=, ( \| \ -=/ /--;==============` ._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.' `'--/,/ || ' \ / | / || ' \ \/ . || ; jgs / / || | | . || | / '=------| / ' ; ; ;| `-.___.___.___.___._/ >-->Ode to Thanksgiving May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs! ================================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Friends And Health! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html Dog Warriors! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogwarriors.html Advice For Living! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/advice.html Sweets For The Sweet! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html Morons at Work http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Maxine On Fall http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonfall.html Modern Toilet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friends.html In Days Past http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html Jesus Clinic http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html -<>- >From Our Friend Jo Ann :) Beautiful Fall Colors... She sent us one we have here... Butchart Gardens http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bgardens.html --- ...Awesome Reminder! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Pasta Night - The cockatoo feeding the dog http://www.dogwork.com/brpsk8 --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: What A Wonderful World http://www.buffaloschips.com/71604.htm What Old People Do For Fun http://www.buffaloschips.com/71605.htm What The West Would Have Been Like With Shetland Ponies http://www.buffaloschips.com/71606.htm When The Parents Are Gone http://www.buffaloschips.com/71607.htm Whit Arlington http://www.buffaloschips.com/71608.htm Image Change http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfjsdfjh.htm In Case Of Earthquake http://www.buffaloschips.com/iouiouo.htm Incompatible http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkjkl.htm Indian Names http://www.buffaloschips.com/Indian%20Games.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted." - Hesketh Pearson "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak." - Jay Leno "Shirley Jones, the 75-year-old actress from the 'Partridge Family,' may pose nude for Playboy. She said after 50 years in the business, she's ready to let it all hang down." - Jimmy Fallon "A state senator in Florida wants to outlaw the term 'illegal alien' because it's insensitive. They want to go with the more politically correct term, 'WalMart-ian.'" -Jay Leno "McDonald's is trying to compete with Starbuck's, so they're going to start serving lattes and cappuccinos. McDonald's say both drinks go great with their new vente hazelnut McRib." -Conan O'Brien "I was reading about this self help book, 'The Secret,' written by an Australian reality producer. One fan of the book said it stopped her panic attacks and doubled her acupuncture business. I'm thinking, 'Who's going to go see a panicky acupuncturist?'" -Craig Ferguson "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas A. Edison __ / \ _/=Ll=\_ [________] ___ ||/""\|| .'___`. ( 6. 6 ) / /"""\ \ __, ,__, \_--_/ |( 6 6 )| (--| | .-[\~--~/]-. ~\_-_/~ |--| _ _ _ / \ / \ .-' '-. _| | (_||_)|_)\_| / _, `----' ,_ \ /\_____/\ ( |_, | | ,_| \ \| |/ / / ,_/^\_, \ \ >==[]==< / \_(_|-|_)_/ _______, \/__.''.__\/ //=====\\ (--| _, (_, | TT | // \\ | |_ _ ._ |__, , _ ' ',_ _ | || | // \\ _| | |(_|| || \ /_)(_||\/|| |(_| | || | /'---,___,---'\ ( |_, \_, ,_| ,_| |__||__| / / \ \ [__][__] '--,_________,--' jgs |_ || _| |_ | _| (__)(__) (__)__) >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************