Golf Day, Blondes And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This hot new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseA. It is one you won't soon forget! This poor young male elephant was stuck deep in a mud pit. See the most dramatic rescue caught on film! Also don't miss seeing the other video here of the fight an elephant had with an over zealous crocodile! ____ .'` `';--.___.-. / / \ \ /| ) aa| ( " \ '--' \ |--' \ | /\=\ | /__.| || '.`-, jgs |__|_| |__|| `'` `""`"` `""`` Elephant Rescue 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant3.html --- ...This was way over the top! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The 19 Laws Of Golf _...._ .'.o' o.'. The 1st Tee: No matter how bad your /o o .o' o'\ last shot was, the worst is yet to |'.o 'o. o'.o| come. This law does not expire on |o. o' o 'o .| the 18th hole, since it has the \ o .o.'o'./ supernatural tendency to extend over '._o__o_.' the course of a tournament, a summer \ / and, eventually, a lifetime. || || The 2nd Dogleg: Your best round || of golf will be followed almost || immediately by your worst round || ever. The probability of the \ jgs\\||// /// latter increases with the number ....\\\\\\\\\//////////.... of people you tell about the former. The 3rd Hole: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. The 4th Fairway: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should immediately be cut down. The 5th Hole: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. The 6th Rough: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. The 7th Fairway: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man. The 8th Tee: Palm trees eat golf balls. The 9th Sand Bunker: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you? The 10th Green: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. The 11th Water Hazard: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination. The 12th Tee: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. The 13th Fairway: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see 3rd Hole) The 14th Sand Bunker: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. ,___ The 15th Green: "Nice lag" can || 15`'--. usually be translated to "lousy ||__..--'` putt." Similarly, "tough break" || can usually be translated "way || to miss an easy one, sucker." || || The 16th Tee: The person you || would most hate to lose to || will always be the one who """""""""||"""""""""""""""""""""" beats you. .-||-. jgs `""""` () The 17th Fairway: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. The 18th Bunker: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. The 19th Hole: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 21 is Miniature Golf Day and World Gratitude Day September 22 is Business Women's Day and Elephant Appreciation Day September 23 is Checkers Day and Dog in Politics Day September 24 is National Cherries Jubilee and National Comic Book Day September 25 is Native American Day and International Rabbit Day September 26 is Johnny Appleseed Day September 27 is Crush a Can Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _.. ( _,\ ` \\ \\ \\ __ \\ .' `\\ / ' \\ |_/`\____,\\_ ( - - \\\) \ > /( \ ;. _=_.' / /\ / \/ / \) | '-._.' / ;._ \ .' jgs| `'--'`| >The Golf Bag About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: "Do you play?" I shook my head, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I shot consistently in the lower seventies." There was a long, low in-take of breath, then "The lower seventies?" "Yes," I admitted. "Consistently?" he queried admiringly. "Every hole," I confessed. -<>- >The Golf Ball Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one." Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?" "That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it." "Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?" The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem." Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?" "No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluourescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark." Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?" The other guy replies, "I found it." -<>- >Golfing in Scotland An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan," and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three." -<>- >Golfer's Tall Tale A group of golfers were telling tall stories. At last came a veteran's turn. "Well, he said, "I once drove a ball, accidentally of course, through a cottage window. The ball knocked over an oil lamp and the place caught on fire." "What did you do?", asked his friends. "Oh," said the veteran, "I immediately teed another ball, took careful aim, and hit the fire alarm on Main Street. That brought out the fire engine before any major damage was done." -<>- ,___ || 1 `'--. ||__..--'` || || || || || __||_\\ \\\/// .'` || `"""----.....___---'` `- .-||-. () `""""` __ _.-----.._ 'jgs--' `\\\-----/// \\\ >Golf is Good for You! Did you know who in 1923 was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 6. Great Bear of Wall Street? These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men? 1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. 2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane. 3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. 4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless. 5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself. 6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide. The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still playing golf and is solvent.*** CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF! *** Note: Based on the years mentioned in this piece, it appears to have been written around 1978. I visited several web sites devoted to the game of golf and found the following information: Mr. Gene Sarazan, one of golf's greatest champions and one of sport's most enduring figures, passed away May 13, 1999 in Naples, Florida at the age of 97. He was born Eugenio Saraceni Feb. 27, 1902, in Harrison, New York, the son of an immigrant carpenter from Italy. One commentator said, "Mr. Sarazen is still strong and still playing an excellent game of golf. I just happen to believe he is doing it on a heavenly course." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >SMILES .--.-. ( ( )__ (_, \ ) ,_) '- \\---' _\\ \\ \ /` |>18>> / | <-->From Our Friend Geniann :) '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >BOB HOPE! I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART. This is a tribute to a man who DID make a difference. ON TURNING 70 'I still chase women, but only downhill.' ON TURNING 80 'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.' ON TURNING 90 'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.' ON TURNING 100 'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.' ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING 'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.' ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR 'Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.' ON GOLF 'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.' ON PRESIDENTS 'I have performed for 12 presidents but entertained only six.' ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER 'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.' ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL 'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.' ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY 'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.' ON HIS SIX BROTHERS 'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.' ON HIS EARLY FAILURES 'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.' ON GOING TO HEAVEN 'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.' Give me a sense of humor Lord, give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, and pass it on to other folk. To the person receiving this, the grace to pass it on to others. --- ...Bob hope was a treasure! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >True Love? Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto, a professional golfer was was married to a very gorgeous woman named Cibele Dorsa, A Brazilian swimsuit, Victoria's Secret, and Playboy model. He divorced her because he fell in love with another woman. They are very happily married right today. Some people argue that love is blind. This story clearly proves it. It proves that men are capable of real love; truly seeing a person’s inner beauty, not basing their decisions solely on looks. Oh, by the way... the new woman is Athina Onassis, the only surviving descendant of Greek shipping magnate, Aristotle Onassis and sole heir of his daughter, Christina. She's worth 12 billion dollars. Kinda brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it? --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- ,%&& %&& % ,%&%& %&%& %& %& %&% &%&% % &% % &%% %&% &% %&%&, &%&% %&%& %& &%& % %%& %&%& %&%&% %&%%& &%&% %&% % %& &% %%& && %&% %&%& %&% %&%' '%&% %&% %&&%&%%'% % %& %& %&% &%% `\%%.' /`%&' | | /`-._ _\\/ |, |_ / `-._ ..--~`_ |; |_`\_ / ,\\.~` `-._ - ^ |;: |/^}__..-,@ .~` ~ `o ~ |;: |(____.-' '. ~ - ` ~ |;: | \ / `\ //. - ^ ~ |;: |\ /' /\_\_ ~. _ ~ - //- jgs\\/;: \'--' `---` `\\//-\\/// >Jokes Two neighbors were talking about work. One said, "I hate my job, our foreman just decided that we were only going to get 15 minute break twice a day because some people have been taking naps during the longer breaks and were sluggish once woken." The other neighbor said, "I got fired this week and have to look for a new job." The first one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?" The other replied, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work? Well, I have been doing a lot of that lately and my foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman." ------- .---. /o o\ __(= " =)__ //\'-=-'/\\ ) (_ / `"=-._ / \ ``"=. jgs / / \ \ `=..--. ___/ / \ \___ _, , `\ `-----' `""""`'-----``"""` \ \_/ `-` The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from Consulafft, at Bergen, Norway. Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard-of temperatures in the Arctic zone. Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes. Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the Gulf Stream still very warm. Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, the report continued, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared. Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelt which have never before ventured so far north, are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds. Within a few years it is predicted that due to the ice melt the sea will rise and make most coastal cities uninhabitable. * * * * * * * * Oh Wait - I must apologize, I neglected to mention that this report was from November 2, 1922, as reported by the AP and published in The Washington Post -- yes, 93 years ago. True: http://www.snopes.com/politics/science/globalwarming1922.asp ------- Best senior pick up line: A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He was in his mid nineties. He was very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of a good after shave. He presented a very well looked after image. Seated at the bar was an elderly really classy looking lady, (mid eighties). The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits along side of her. He orders a drink. He takes a sip. He slowly turns to her and says, So tell me, do I come here often?" ------- ,,,,, /((())\ \(((()/ (| _ _ | /( - ) (((\_~_/ ))).' '.__ /`\ ___ /`\ | /` `\ | | \___,___/ | | |\ /| | | | ) ( | | / /` `\\ \ / /| | \ \ /.(\;`-._.-`; /)|\ _(\\))| | | /// / \ | ; | | | / '._______.' | / ) | ( / | \ jgs | | | \ | / / Y \ (_/ \_) It's those blondes again Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher." The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth." -<>- One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers." "Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit." "Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole." -<>- Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?" -<>- A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Ten," said Buffy. So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!" "Yes," said Buffy. "So did I." -<>- A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbour suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again.The neighbour then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart. The neighbour then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one -<>- Blonde Interview The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with any person, living or dead, who would that be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one." --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From IndependentJournal: Stories Are Blowing Up About Ahmed's Alarm Clock. Here's What a Former FBI Agent Told Us http://tinyurl.com/ptqfurh -<>- >From MRCTV Trending news... http://www.mrctv.org/ -<>- >From The TeaPartyNews: Latest and greatest http://www.tpnn.com/ -<>- >From USNews: The Gallup numbers include lesbian, gay, bi and transgender Americans and estimate the national average of LGBT residents to be 3.6 percent. Where to live or Not to live - according to your view: http://tinyurl.com/lpksrsy --- ...With under 4% of them in the US population, makes me wonder why we have to hear about them every day or see them every day or think about them every single day in some way, shape or form for some stupid reason or another. They are in the news, on shows, videos and always seemingly complaining about something or being promoted by some corporation or big wig or something. It Really Gets old. It is no wonder we are mistakenly thinking they are a larger group than under 4%... Gallup: Americans ‘Greatly Overestimate’ Percentage of Gays, Lesbians in U.S. http://tinyurl.com/oqhfcpz In contrast - Poll: Most Americans Say They're Christian http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=90356&page=1 So when Obama said this - it made me say... Who Is WE? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html -<>- >From BizarreNews: [For The Blondes Out There...] Whenever a Bizarre News topic drifts toward firearms or gun control or the second amendment, I am always tempted to share my controversial opinion on the matter and open myself to public criticism and probably condemnation. But it is time somebody came up with a solution that will actually work, and that somebody is me. The problem with gun control is the Second Amendment. The Second Amendment guarantees our freedom from tyranny by protecting the citizens' right to keep and bear arms. An armed populace is a free populace. On the other hand, allowing every yahoo, gang banger and psychotic access to firearms has given the United States one of the highest murder rates in the developed world (although we can't compete with places like Honduras or El Salvador). You would think that reasonable restrictions to firearms wouldn't be that difficult of a thing to figure out. The issue is with the word 'reasonable.' Because once you start chipping away at that freedom, more and more restrictions follow until one day you find that you don't have that right anymore. So let's go back to the source problem. Protecting the right of the populace to protect itself from tyranny. Looked at from that perspective the solution becomes obvious. Disarm everyone. If nobody is armed you won't have anybody to protect yourself from. We would start by disarming the population. This process would take years because right now, based on consolidated information from the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, there are about 300 millions guns in the United States. And since there is very little registration it is impossible to know exactly who owns them. But once we are reasonably sure firearms have been eradicated from the general population, we can disarm the police. This phase would go much faster, since we know who the police are and they are a much smaller population. The final phase would be the military. This would probably take the longest since the U.S. military industrial complex is so vast. But once the final phase is accomplished, gun violence in the United States would finally be a thing of the past. There would have to be exceptions, of course. Like the Coast Guard, for example, border patrol, perhaps a very limited armed navy to protect shipping in foreign waters, but 99 percent of guns (and gun violence) and most importantly the reason for guns will have been eliminated. Now before the detractors begin tearing my plan apart I would like you to consider all of the other nations of the world who already operate on a similar system, like Liechtenstein, Andorra and the Federated States of Micronesia. All we need is the determination to do what has to be done. -<>- A Wisconsin man who accidentally shot his roommate while teasing a cat with the laser sight was fined $50 after pleading guilty to a weapons crime. Vaughn Rothering, 22, will pay a total of $591 including court costs and will be eligible to have the felony conviction for injury by negligent handling of a dangerous weapon expunged. According to a criminal complaint, Rothering and his roommate were on the porch of their Onalaska residence when Rothering let their cat chase the laser of his 9mm pistol; he said he was spinning the gun in his hand when it went off and struck his roommate in the ankle. Prosecutors requested only a fine in return for Rothering's guilty plea, acknowledging the incident was an accident and he has no criminal history. If not expunged, his felony conviction would prohibit him from possessing firearms. He will also be required to pay restitution, though the amount has yet to be determined. "You could have easily killed your friend," La Crosse County Circuit Judge Ramona Gonzalez told Rothering. "You've probably punished yourself more than we could ever punish you." "I feel terrible about it," said Rothering. The cat was unharmed. *-- Man ticketed for drunken ride: 'Horse knows the way home' --* DENHAM SPRINGS, La. - A Louisiana man busted for drunkenly riding his horse down a stretch of highway said he believes his choices were safe because "the horse knows the way home." The Livingston Parish Sheriff's Office said Jake Williams drove his truck and horse trailer to a daiquiri shop in Denham Springs and he decided to ride the horse rather than drive home in the early morning hours Tuesday. Williams was stopped while riding the horse, named Sugar, on the side of Highway 16. Deputies issued Williams a summons for disturbing the peace by public intoxication. The sheriff's office said riding a horse would not qualify Williams for a DWI. A family member was summoned to take Williams and his horse home. Williams said he thought riding the horse home was a good idea. "When you get a little too much to drink, why not ride a horse?" he told WBRZ-TV. "It's safer that way. The horse knows the way home." However, Williams said he learned his lesson from the summons and will refrain from riding while intoxicated in the future. *-- Burglars hit Verizon store, only steal fake phones --* COLUMBUS, Ohio - Police in Ohio's capital said thieves broke into a Verizon store, but the only items they managed to steal were fake phones used as display pieces. Columbus police said the early Wednesday burglary at the store caused significant damage to the store, but the only items stolen were fake phones installed for display after the store was previously targeted by thieves. Police said the culprits used large rocks to break the glass back door of the shop and they cut or ripped the phony cellphones from display areas. Investigators said the store's real phones are locked in a vault by employees every night. *-- India man quits his job to train for selfie record --* HYDERABAD, India - Bhanu Prakash, 24, recently quit his full time job as a research assistant at a hospital to become a record-breaking selfie taker. Prakash said he was inspired by the achievements of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who took 105 selfies in three minutes in May. The current world record holder is American football player Patrick Peterson, who managed to take 1,449 selfies in one hour. Prakash also negates claims that selfies are "just a girl thing." He further claims his personal record is currently 1,700 but seeks to raise the number to 1,800. Prakash also says he is keeping up with hand and wrist exercises, essential to being able to hold a phone for so long. Initiailly apprehensive, Prakash's family now supports his dream. Prakash will formally attempt to break the world record on Sept. 18. *-- 5-year-olds tunnel out of kindergarten to buy a 'grown up car' --* MAGNITOGORSK, Russia - Russian police said a pair of 5-year-old boys used garden spades to tunnel under a fence and escape their kindergarten in an attempt to purchase a Jaguar. Police in Magnitogorsk said the boys slipped away from their teacher on multiple occasions in the school yard and dug under the fence over the course of several days. The boys were eventually able to squeeze through the tunnel and made their way to a Jaguar showroom a few miles away from the school. Police said the boys told a woman who approached them outside the showroom that they were in the market for a "grown up car." The children were taken to the Ordzhonikidze Police station, where they were released into the custody of their parents. The parents did not pursue a formal complaint against the school or the boys' teachers. Olga Denisenko, acting head of preschool education at the school, was quoted by the Siberian Times as saying disciplinary actions had been taken against employees. "This is a very serious breach of rules. The head of the group that allowed this to happen was fired," she said. "The acting head of the kindergarten has been given administrative notice." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) |H| |H| ||| ||| |V| | | .----=--.-':'-; < /===== /'.'.'.'\ | |====== |.'.'.'.'.|| ___________ \===== \'.'.'.'/ / .o8888888888888o. jgs '--=-=-='-:.:-'-` 88888888888888888 'Y8888888888888P` `"""""""""""` >Retardment or Retirement A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida 's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee". There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real. Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1 hour to return the item the next day. Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There are about 30 of us; and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity. My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know it, it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00. We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup, and Splenda, along with mints. At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again. Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don't mind. Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch. Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk. Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts. Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bum. I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Boynton Beach. --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ,___ || 1 `'--. ||__..--'` || || || || || || || .-||-. jgs `""""` Bill and Bob, longtime golfing buddies, were involved in a match-play contest with the score "all-square" at the 18th tee. Bill slices his tee shot way left, and the ball finally stops on the cart path. Meanwhile, Bob smashes his first shot straight down the middle. "Oh well," says Bill, "I should get a free drop from there." "Heck no," says Bob, "We play the ball as it lies." And so Bill did. After dropping his opponent on the middle of the fairway, Bill took the golf cart to his lie on the concrete path. Sparks fly from the cart path, as Bill makes a few aggres- sive practice swings. Finally, Bill hits the ball off the cart path, leaving a miraculous shot only 3 feet from the pin. As the two meet in the fairway, Bob comments, "That was a great shot...what club did you use?" "Your 6 iron," says Bill. -<>- [] [] [] || || || || || || || || |'-----. .-. \______/ (jgs) '-' A man was showing his friend a new set of matching golf clubs he had just bought. "Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs." "What did you buy your wife?" the friend asked. The man said, "A new matching bicycle and lawn mower." -<>- While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "How big was the mouse?" -<>- A man picks up his golf-ignorant girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?" "Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving." "Oh, well. Ask a silly question, get a silly answer." -<>- A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." -<>- A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?" -<>- A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did you get all that money?" "At Sunday school," the boy replied enthusiastically. "They got bowls of it!" -<>- My cousin, a perpetual bachelor, owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in Miami, a furniture store. I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to visit a manufacturer and check out the merchandise himself. And maybe he could meet an available young Italian women. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business. -<>- .-. .-. _ (o) )-"-( (o) _ / \ __/'-' '-'\__ / \ / \/ \ . . / \/ \ / , / `----=----` \ , \ \ ( \ , `'-----'` , / ) / __> \ `\ \ _ _ / /` / <__ \_ /^\_`\ \,`---`,/ /`_/^\ _/ jgs /_/|_\ /||\ /||\ /_|\_\ I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs." -<>- The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment. -<>- Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ========================================================= >-->From Linda :) >Anthropomorphic Nouns & Politicians The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals. We are all familiar with a: .= , =. _ _ /'/ )\,/,/(_ \ \ `//-.| ( ,\\)\//\)\/_ ) | //___\ `\\\/\\/\/\\///' / ,-"~`-._ `"--'_ `"""` _ \`'"~-,_ \ `-. '_`. .'_` \ ,-"~`/ `.__.-'`/ (-\ /-) |-.__,' || | \O) /^\ (O/ | `\\ | / `\ / \\ \ / `\ / `\\ `-. /' .---.--.\ `\\/`~(, '() (' /(O) \\ _,.-.,_) // \\ `\'` / jgs / | || `""""~"` /' |__|| `o Herd of cows, (\ }\ (\ }\ (\ }\ ( \_('> ( \_('> ( \_('> (__(=_) (__(=_) (__(=_) jgs -"= -"= -"= Flock of chickens, \ ' o ' /\ o \ o >=)'> ' /\ ' \/ \ >=)'> ~ / /\ \/ ~ >=)'> / . \/ / School of fish __ >(' ) )/ /( / `----/ jgs \ ~=- / ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^ And a Gaggle of geese, and o00000000o o0/\0000/\0o o00\c "" J/00o o. 0000/ b d \000 `00. 0000 _ |000 `00 `0000(=_Y_=)00' // ;0000`\7/000' (( / `0000000' \\ .' | \\ / \ | | \\/ ) | | jgs \ /_ | |__ (___________))))))) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~```````~~~~ A Pride of lions. However, less widely known is: __ .'` '-. / _ \ / (.)_J / / `'-. .' \`-.._`\ ,;-'~""'. /`"'""`` /` \ / /` / | ; /` .' | | ; / ; ; / / .' / ; ; .' / / .' / _.-' .' .' .-' _,-; / _..--'` /_.' ;.-;` / ;., .-'\=\ ,###" jgs / .'/ \=\ \=\ ,###" /.'/ // \=\ \=\_###" / . '/ \=\___#-.))) / / _// ((--.)))``` |_/ / / ,###"``` / / / ,###" /.'/_/ ,###" |_/ ,###" A Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), .---. / (o \_ | -='.'"` ) ( _.=` \ _.=`. -. | .===:._ ' '. ; | ________,.='`^~""``"====-' ,' '-========-""'"-=..,,,_____,.' `\ `\ jgs ,-'==,\ ,-`==; An Exaltation of doves And, presumably because they look so wise: __ __ \ `-'"'-` / / \_ _/ \ | d\_/b | .'\ V /'. / '-...-' \ | / \ | \/\ /\/ jgs==(||)---(||)== A Congress of owls. Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not... A Parliament YEP... A PARLIAMENT OF BABOONS! .-"-. .-"-. .-"-. .-"-. _/_-.-_\_ _/.-.-.\_ _/.-.-.\_ _/.-.-.\_ / __} {__ \ /|( o o )|\ ( ( o o ) ) ( ( o o ) ) / // " \\ \ | // " \\ | |/ " \| |/ " \| / / \'---'/ \ \ / / \'---'/ \ \ \'/^\'/ \ .-. / \ \_/`"""`\_/ / \ \_/`"""`\_/ / /`\ /`\ /`"""`\ jgs \ / \ / / /|\ \ / \ -={ see no evil }={ hear no evil }={ speak no evil }={ have no fun }=- Pretty much explains everything doesn't it? --- ...HaHA!It sure does! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >--->From Our Friend Richard :) ##, ,## '##, ,##' '## ##' ## __, ## ## __.-' \ ## ## ___.-'__.--'\ | ##, ## .-' .-, ( | | _ '## ##/ / /""=\ \ | | / \ ##, '#| |_\ / / | | / \ '## / `-` a a '-'`\ | | | | \ ,## \_, (__) ,_/ / / | \ \ ##' / / \ \\ / / | |\ \ ## __ | /`.__.-'-._)|/ / | | \ \##`__) \ ^ / / | | | v## '--. '._ '-'_.' / _.----. | | l ,## (_,' '##'-, ` `"""/ `'/| | / ,##--, ) '#/` ` ' |' ##' `" | /\_/#' jgs | __. .-,_.;###` _|___/_..---'''` _/ (###' .-'` ____,...---""``` `._ ( --'' __,.,---. ',_) `.,___,..---'`` / / \ '._ | | ( ( `. '-._) | / \ \ \'-._) | | \ \ `"` | | \ \ | | .-, ) | | | ( ( / / | | \ '---' / / \ `-----` | , / |(_/\-, \ ,_`) `-._) >Here are some oldies of Phyllis Diller's. She could be hilarious. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room. If it weren't for football, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. --- ...LOL! I Love These! Thanks Richard! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) .-. \ / .-. |_| .-. \ / |=| \ / |_| / \ |_| |=| / (@) \|=|/ \ ____ | / \@) \ .' '. / (@) \ | / # \ | | | | o o |'='| | / \ o / \ /'=' jgs '.____.' '=' >Signs You Are Getting Older You can go bowling without drinking. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. You are proud of your lawn mower. You send money to PBS. You no longer think speed limits are a challenge. You wear black socks with sandals. You consider coffee one of the most Important things in life. Your arms are almost too short To read the newspaper. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. Your best friend is dating someone half Their age and isn't breaking any laws. You got cable for the weather channel. You quit trying to hold your stomach in No matter who walks into the room. You know what the word "equity" means. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere Near the top of your pants. Your ears are hairier than your head. People call at 9 p.m. And ask, "Did I wake you?" You can sing along with elevator music. You can't remember the last time you laid on The floor to watch TV because you are afraid You'd get stuck there. You answer a question with, "Because I said so!" --- ...LOL! Yeppers! Thanks Karen! ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Melinda :) .---. /_____\__ `\/6.6\/--` ( _ ) ,'---', / _ \ /\/ (_) \/\ \ | (_) | / \| |/ |_____| | | | | | | \__|__/ |_|_| jgs _|_|_|_ (___|___) >On Children... A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, 'Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids....' "If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales." — Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it. Mothers of teens are the only ones that KNOW why animals eat their young. I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children out there more awful than your own. We childproofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in! I love to give homemade gifts... which one of my kids do you want? Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it. You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~ Franklin P. Jones "I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." — Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States --- ...TeeHee! Great Chuckles! Thanks Melinda! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) '\ \ . ' . O>> . 'o \ . /\ . / / .' ^^^^^jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >"Mulligans" When a golfer swings his club and makes a thoroughly bad shot in an informal game, he or she may be given what is called a "mulligan," a free drive. As a girl playing jacks, we used to call it "overs." That meant that if you threw a hand that was bad, you could start over and throw it again with no penalty. Many times when there has been a hasty word out of my mouth or something I have done that I regretted, I have wanted to claim my right for a "mulligan" or to cry out for "overs," haven't you? Sometimes there are even long periods in our lives where we have blown it royally and we wish we could back up and do it again--the right way. Consequences follow these regrettable actions that are difficult, and sometimes even devastating to our lives or to the lives of others. We can really get down on ourselves when this happens. It can seem to us that things are so black, so hopeless that there appears no use going on. I have been there. Others have been there, and let me tell you friend, there IS hope! His name is Jesus! In Isaiah 1:18 the Bible says, "Though your sins be as scarlet they shall be as white as snow. Though they be red like crimson they shall be as wool." We have an unseen enemy who comes like a thief, as we read in John 10:10, ". . . to steal, and kill and destroy," yet Jesus said, "I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly." When we come to Him, He takes the shattered pieces of our old life and gives us peace, and a brand new life. The Bible says He makes all things new (2 Corinthians 5:17). There really is a "mulligan" available to you. It is called "grace" and you can receive it today by faith in Jesus Christ. --- ...Now that sure puts my smiley face on! Thanks LouiseA! ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Bob Hope's Home http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobhopehome.html Luxury Golf Carts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html Eye Catching Humor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eyecatching.html Last Shot! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html Hot Air Balloons 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotair2.html Luxury Yacht! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/luxyacht.html Macro Spider Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spiders.html Silly Veggies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggies.html Up Close And Personal http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal3.html Mug Shots http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mugshots.html Wedding Fails http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingfails.html Sweet Little Pad http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homepad.html Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Bear Cub on Golf http://www.chonday.com/Videos/baybearcigolf2 --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Wild Sweden https://www.youtube.com/embed/SB8WlqfJJRE?feature=player_detailpage --- ...Beautiful! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Originally, golf balls were smooth, but golfers noticed that balls that were beat up with nicks and bumps seemed to fly farther. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkaLsVOrBk0&feature=player_embedded Fox on Golf https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhSCVndbRa8 This may not be the most qualified teacher, or the brightest one, but she makes up for her inadequacy by making me laugh with this hilarious sketch about a teacher who is just a bit too lazy for her job. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2D8jwyBJa50 --- ...Funny! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Check out Dawn http://www.greatdanepro.com/Dawn/index.htm The Drawing Game http://www.dumb.com/draw/image.php Find Best Customer Support Phone Number & Contact Info - any Company http://gethuman.com/ Famous Dead, Celebrity Deaths, Dead People http://www.famousdead.com/ --- ...Great Info links! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Classic Arcade Games http://oldfungames.com/ Free Online Classic Games http://www.bgames.com/classic-games/ --- ...Sweet! Thanks Bunni! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The government has unveiled a new website that predicts your financial worth after graduating college. It doesn't give you a number, just tells you which Starbucks you'll be working at and for how long." -Conan O'Brien "Kellogg's announced today that it will be spending 450 million dollars in an effort to expand its food distribution to Africa. Though sadly, it was reported today that Tony the Tiger was gunned down by a Minnesota dentist." -Seth Meyers "A lot of people are getting excited about the upcoming visit by Pope Francis. This Pope is very popular, but I saw that in a recent interview he said that he's felt 'used' by certain people who only pay attention to him when they need something. Then God was like, 'Um, hello! That's like 99 percent of my day!'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to 'going through the motions' at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line." -Jimmy Fallon "On TV last night we named a new Miss America. Miss Georgia is the new Miss America at the 95th annual Miss America Pageant. Miss America is the highest honor a woman can achieve for getting a spray tan." -Jimmy Kimmel "Mark Cuban, star of 'Shark Tank,' is now thinking about running for president. Still no word from the Cake Boss." -Conan O'Brien "The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, 'Even if you're just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'" -Jimmy Fallon "There was another big announcement from Apple today--a number of exciting new products for you to lose in a cab on the way to the airport." -Jimmy Kimmel "A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik's cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************