Goodbye Dems And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWeeeee!! (>, oo / 8 "} > @ < |`.8 .-._/| `-.'`')`_.' ) / / |__, | ( / .' , / `._/ '`- \| -- -`' - --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another 2010 Angel! Kay from Van Wert, OH has joined forces to help Keep Shangrala Alive this year with a kind donation! She is a sweet returning Shangrala Angel! Please bless her by visiting her Wassenberg Art web site here: http://www.vanwert.com/wassenberg/ If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The Shangy Press! This first one comes from our friend James. It is hard to get enough of animal pages - especially when they are cute and funny at the same time! Check this one out... _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' Look Who's Talking 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking4.html --- ...Absolutely adorable! Thank You James! This next one comes from a forward from our friend Viv. So sassy-kitty I couldn't resist! Check it out here... , ,-. _,---._ __ / \ / ) .-' `./ / \ ( ( ,' `/ /| \ `-" \'\ / | `. , \ \ / | /`. ,'-`----Y | ( ; | ' | ,-. ,-' | / | | ( | hjw | / ) | \ `.___________|/ `--' `--' Cat In a Box! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html --- ...A sweet one! Thanks Viv! ============================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: It Matters How You Say It ____ .' '. ____ Do you realize that the / __ \ .-' '-. only time in our lives | / \ | / __ \ when we like to get old | \__/ | | / \ | is when we're kids? If \ >< / | \__/ | you're less than 10 years ;.____.; \ {>()<} / old, you're so excited /`| \# / |`\ `;._/\_.;` about aging that you ;# | \/ | #\ /` (/\) `\ think in fractions. How | | == | \ / \ old are you? | #| |\ # \ / / \ \ "I'm four and a half." | ; |#\ #\ / -/ \- \ You're never 36 and \# / \/ \# \__/-._/ \_.-\ a half; you're four `| | \_.'=-;._/ \_.-; and a half going on |.-. .-.| //\_/`\_/ \\_/ five! |\_/ \_/| || ||'-.______.-'`\ | , | ||_...._||._ _.-' That the key. You get | |\ | //.----.\\ ;```--```; into your teens. Now | ||-- | |`-....-'| | /| | they can't hold you | || | \ / | --|| | back. You jump to the | ||.-.| '.____.' ;.-.|| | next number. How old | |; . | |_. || | are you? "I'm gonna jgs |'--;`/ `\ / \ |._.; be 16." You could be ;.__| >--| |--< |.__| 12, but you're gonna (___) \_/ \_/ (__) be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony: you BECOME 21... YES!!! But then you turn 30... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40... stay over there, it's all slipping away... You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50... and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60... you didn't think you'd make it!!!! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70! After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won't even buy green bananas... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's you start going backwards... I was JUST 92... Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: "I'm 100 and a half!!!!" =================================================================== +----- Bizarre Last Words of Men About to Be Executed -----+ As George Appel was being strapped into the electric chair, he said to the witnesses, "Well, folks, you'll soon see a baked Appel." Before Thomas Grasso was given his lethal injection, he complained, "I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." Sir Walter Raleigh said, "So the heart be right, it is no matter which way the head lieth." And then he was beheaded. On his way to the chair, James French said to a newspaper reporter," I have a terrific headline for you in the morning: 'French Fries.'" Just before being hanged, Neville Heath's last request was for a whiskey. "In the circumstances," he added, "you might make that a double." Erskine Childers called out to the firing squad, "Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way." Jimmy Glass said, "I'd rather be fishing." Then he was electrocuted. As British serial killer Dr. William Palmer stood on the gallows, he asked the officials, "Are you sure this thing is safe?" ==================================================================== >-->From BizarreNews: Atkins, South Beach, The Zone, it's all new-fangled, hyped- up crap compared to the good, old-fashioned weight-loss remedy of staring at the sun. And you thought staring at the sun was only good for causing irreparable scarring to your retinas. Atlanta, GA resident Paulus Bommarito knows better. As the sun rises over the tree line in the early morning hour he is out in his back yard getting an eyeful. Bommarito, 58, is part of a small but growing group of sun- gazers in metro Atlanta. They are disciples of Hira Ratan Manek, a retired spice trader from India who says staring at the sun improves mental and physical health. Called HRM by his followers, Manek says he has rediscovered a practice used by many ancient cultures, from Greeks to Native Americans. Manek, 70, advocates staring at the sun only near sunrise and sunset. Start with just 10 seconds, he says, and add 10 seconds each time. He says sun gazing suppresses hunger and has allowed him to go more than a year without eating solid foods. Manek is no quack guru. He has gone on tours throughout the U.S. lecturing at venues as large as natural food stores and Unity churches. He realized his practices can be dangerous and always cautions his students...never stare at a sun that is more than an hour removed from rising or setting. And don't stand on the lawn, he advises. "Grass will drain your energy." That's always good advice. Bizarrely, Lewis ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) >Things I learned From Noah's Ark: (\ _\_(`\_ `/` _ `/,-'=/` _,'|`._ /' `/` ,-' |||._ `-._ i_i _,-' ,-' || `__ `-._ "=(. .)=" _,-' _,-' --||- (..=`/._ `-/#\ ( i_i ,\ _,-' | )|_|-==` \_)`-/ /v "=(. .)=" ,' ,|/ \ |__||\ //|\\ / / #/ ,/ \ ( ,' ,' ((_.--._)) || )(/|\)' /# ; ,/ #,/v ,' ,' |`- -' ||/ (/\\ / #; ,/# ,/ ,' ' / | \ */"-._ |/ _____,-''"/_)/__ / ,',---|((_.--._(__/ _.--""_____)-//_______"-. (,-.)| `- -( _,"_.--"" |||(( __ "-.: ___,/ ;| \ */ _\'_," (\__/) |||\\\ |__`,()() . \ (,_.) (_| (__/,'_,' /_/)=\.\. = |||||| | `( ` ``\|\)\ ( ;.__| _,-'_,' =//. ==> _7)< |||||| |`` , ` * "") ___\ _,--'_,-' //_(7__/) ////\ |||||| |``` \___.--' \_"""_,--' <*)_//'"" )/_/-"""":|||||,""""(("-._/ | """" ) ( _(-' _.---"\___,----. |||||| | ,' "`._ ,(( | ) ( \_/' ,' _"" "_ `.||||| |,"\\'--._) "._ \ \_/<. .>""( ( . .) )|||| |\\ \/,"\\ /`--._) <. .>|_/\| \/ ) \,-( \(||||| | \\)"\\ \) ||_/( ( | |\/ /, \ \ )\\(:|||||,()""""-.:| | \ `-\ | |__\/, :`/-`._____,-""_,' ctr:| |"""\___,""""""""""""""\(_,( (__,-"||---""""""; \---""""---------""""""""````/////))----""""/ ~~~\ ~///////~ ~/~~~~~ \ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ /~~~~/ ~~/ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ONE: Don't miss the boat. TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat! THREE: Plan ahead.. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark. FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. SIX: Build your future on high ground. SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board wth the cheetahs. NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile. TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. My instructions were to send this to the people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed. (Give it!! Don't just get it.) Most people walk in and out of your life........ but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart. --- ...Awww, thanks Johanna! Reminds me of Johan's Noah's Ark... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark.html -<>- >SHORTEST BOOKs __..._ _...__ _..-" `Y` "-._ \ Once upon | / \\ a time..| // \\\ | /// \\\ _..---.|.---.._ /// jgs \\`_..---.Y.---.._`// '` `' THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan Illustrated by Michael Moore ________________________________________ MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton ______________________________________ THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton _________________ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill Clinton _________________ THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates ____________________________________ THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman _________________________________ THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry _____________________________________ AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC _______________ A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J... Kevorkian __________________________________ TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ...... by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell __________________ GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson __________________________________ THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY _______________________________________ MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson _________________________________________ ~ HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY by Ted Kennedy ~ BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by the Rev. Jesse Jackson ********************************************** AND, JUST ADDED: My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy by Nancy Pelosi --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! Here's my added thought to this... How To REALLY Revive An Ailing Economy by Nancy Pelosi __________ / \ / ____ \ | / \ | _| \____/ | _z__\ / **u u\__________/ C D| |/ _ \ Based on her latest quote... __((=| | |ooo\ / || -| | """o| /_/||__| \_|/ | \ \|_o_o\______/ \_______/ |__A__| | | | ## ## _## ##_ /___|___\ gerald m carlson “We see it as an entrepreneurial bill,” Pelosi said, “a bill that says to someone, if you want to be creative and be a musician or whatever, you can leave your work, focus on your talent, your skill, your passion, your aspirations because you will have health care.” She and all who voted with her to pass the health bill need us to give them their pink slips with our vote against them! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Del :) >Do I have this correct? __.-.__.-.__ .'\ '-.__.-' /'. / | ,_ | \ / | _/| \_ | \ '-._/ \.-""-./ \_.-' | ( ^ \^ ) | | \ == / | | /'--'\ | jgs | King | '._ ME! _.' `""""` LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!! IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR. IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU WILL BE JAILED. IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. IF YOU CROSS THEVENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED. IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. IF YOU CROSS THE U.S.BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET 1 - A JOB, 2 - A DRIVERS LICENSE, 3 - SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, 4 - WELFARE, 5 - FOOD STAMPS, 6 - CREDIT CARDS, 7 - SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, 8 - FREE EDUCATION, 9 - FREE HEALTH CARE, 10 - A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON 11 - BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE 12 - AND THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION --- ...Yep! Thanks Del - It all Adds Up To - GOOD BYE DEMS!!! Reminds me of this --- With A Little EDITING ;) ()._ _.--. (##)_`-. / . ``u (##), ` `. \__) _/ (##),--. \ | --' ()' \ \ / | | | ,' \ _,' / ,' | ,;--// / ___\ |/ ___V__{(_ | ' \| || ,'-===- `,'| __| ,' /| || |""""""""|-L| ,`__. < _)))_))) |________|,' gnv (,' ool GOODBYE (Dems) - By KRISTINIA DEBARGE Am I supposed to put my life on hold Because you don't know how to act? And you don't know where your life is going? Am I supposed to be torn apart Broken-hearted in a corner cryin'? Pardon me if I don't show it I don't care if I never see you again I'll be alright Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together But Either way Democrats, I'm gone I'm so over it, I've been there and back Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wonderin' I got that new I'm-A-Pratriot swag Got me with my Friends and we're singin' it Sing! Na na na na, na na na na Hey hey hey, goodbye Na na na na, na na na na Hey hey hey, goodbye Na na na na, na na na na Hey hey hey, goodbye Na na na na, na na na na Hey hey hey, goodbye Goodbye!!!!!!!! See the real video and song here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4576ymdmemQ ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Emergency Email - Cyber Alert: Social Networking Introducess Security Risks Homeland Security warns: Social networking "introduces security risks" What to do... http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=506&z=43 --- ...That would be a duh! So Glad our homeland security is on the ball! -<>- >From Taipan Daily: The U.S. Dollar Is a Heat-Seeking Missile It’s a funny thing about crisis – you can never be sure what the next catalyst will be. The really bad trouble always seems to spring from a place no one was looking. Read More... http://tinyurl.com/2w7f2om -<>- [POLITICS] >-->From Patriot Update: For those that don't know history... Here is a condensed version http://tinyurl.com/2f9rsda Action Alert: Stop the Government Takeover of the Internet http://tinyurl.com/24grwvo "Big Drama" Obama Audaciously Exempts Himself from All Blame http://tinyurl.com/2cxjcha -<>- >From Newsmax: Obama Targets Military for Pay Reductions President Barack Obama – who came to power with the help of government employee unions across the nation and has lavished on them hundreds of billions in stimulus funds to keep them on federal, state and local payrolls with no strings attached – is moving to cut spending on salaries for military personnel. Read the Full Story — Go Here Now http://tinyurl.com/29ca5p9 Headlines (Use Link for complete stories): 1. Times Square Bomber Exploited ‘Openings’ in US Security 2. Obama Hides From Murtha Race 3. Justice Dept.: Drug-Related Kidnappings Rampant in Arizona 4. Kagan Got Drunk After Reagan’s 1980 Win 5. George W. Bush Will Tour to Promote His Book 6. Bush Kept His Entertaining Private 7. Obama Won’t Play Ball With Rush Limbaugh 8. We Heard: Kelsey Grammer, Newsweek http://news.newsmax.com/?ZKCRaNSj7403FrsCFsqk6QYHz3rktJR1Z Tell President Obama that You Support Arizona's Enforcement Law Click HERE TO SEND NO-COST FAX http://tinyurl.com/25x5ts3 -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Helmets designed for bar conversations ---------- EDINBURGH, Scotland - A Scottish college student said her invention, a clear plastic helmet with openings at the face and ears, is designed to help people talk in noisy bars. Elaine McLuskey, 23, an Edinburgh Napier University student, said the sound bubble is designed to cut out back- ground noise and help friends converse without straining in busy bars and pubs, the New York Daily News reported Thursday. "(There's) that frustrating situation of trying to catch up with a friend in a busy bar. You want to hear their news and have a proper chat, but you have to shout over the din of music, chatter and clinking glasses," McLuskey said. However, some bar patrons in New York said the helmet brings its own problems, most prominently the fish bowl-like appearance. "I'd be skeptical to sit near them," George Whitehurst, 59, said of people wearing the helmets. "It looks kind of awkward." -- Police: Crack deal sparked carjacking lie -------- CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill. - Suburban Chicago police said a man invented a story of a carjacking when his drug dealer failed to return it on time. Police allege that Chorise Stewart, 38, of Olympia Fields, loaned his car to a drug dealer from Chicago Heights in exchange for two rocks of crack cocaine at 7 p.m. Monday and called police at 11:59 p.m. when the 19-year-old failed to return the 2002 Toyota Corolla at the scheduled time, the Chicago South- townstar reported Thursday. Stewart told officers he was carjacked by two men with guns. However, police said the story began to unravel when the drug dealer was found with the car at 1:03 a.m. Tuesday and taken to the Chicago Heights Police Department. "He was saying, 'Do I do bad things, do I sell drugs? Yes I do, but I didn't car jack anybody,'" Chicago Heights police Sgt. Tom Rogers said. He said no charges were filed against the 19-year-old but Stewart was arrested and charged with false report of a stolen car. His bail was set at $40,000 Wednesday. ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) : ;; / | / | .' : .-' ' _.-' / .-*" / _ .-' .' _.-*?' .' .' .-" .' __ .' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".' / \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .' : `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .' ; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+. : .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _( \ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_( `*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_( ; `._| Pink Slip: | \ )` .'.' `./_" ( : \| | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"' \ | GOODBYE | `----**"T"" " `+. | `. | | ' .' : _.-*"*- | DEMOCRATS! | / / ' .-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug "+,'___..--| MUAH! |--**"" `-.__.' "" +----------------+ >DIGNS Of Our Times: Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: 'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.' ************************** In a Podiatrist's office: Time Wounds All Heels. ************************** On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels ************************** At a Proctologist's door: To expedite your visit, please back in. ************************** On a Plumber's truck: We Repair What Your Husband Fixed ************************** On another Plumber's truck: Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber! ************************** On a Church's Billboard: 7 days without God makes one weak. ************************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout. ************************** At a Towing company: We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows. ************************** On an Electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts ************************** In a Nonsmoking Area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. ************************** On a Maternity Room door: Push. Push. Push! ************************** At an Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. ************************** On a Taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff. ************************** On a Fence: Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive! ************************** At a Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment. ************************** Outside a Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary; We hear you coming. ************************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! ************************** At the Electric Company We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be. ************************** In a Restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up. ************************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: Drive carefully! We'll wait... ************************** At a Propane Filling Station: Thank heaven for little grills. ************************** And don't forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP: Best place in town to take a leak ********************** Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises -<>- _.--'''-._ .-'.' `. / / \ /.-'`. ' \ '/ `. ; ( | .-. \ ` ; }) (}\ `-._\ : // . )) '. ; |` ' *', . /_\ / ,' \./ ' (: . ha/VK `-.___.--' /-.-' ) | .----'`-.___.-'`----. >Uses For Chapstick! We had this great 10-year-old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat, and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom. We have three kids, and at the time of this story, they were 4 years old, 3 years old, and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loved Chapstick. LOVED it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick and then would lose it. Finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my Chapstick and explained he could use it whenever he wanted to, but he needed to put it right back in the drawer after he finished. That year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys were fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I was trying to nurse my little one at the same time I was putting on my make-up. Everything was a mess, and everyone had long forgotten that this was a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood. We finally had the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I was looking for Eli. I searched everywhere and I finally went into the bathroom. There was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack's ... rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said, "Chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right -- their little bottoms do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind. The only question to ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth!?! And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your Chapstick on the cat's butt. -<>- __ / \ |.--.| (` . TS . ') \;;`..' / ;~- -~;), ,; . /(;,, __;;- (;(.;); / ;,~; \);;(;,; / (. )( .);~;)`~ / / \ /\;(; ~` \ \ ) ( /;~;` \ \|||||||\ ||\ /|| >DRINKING WITH AN ARIZONA GIRL A Mexican, an Arab, And an Arizona girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican Finishes his beer, He throws his glass In the air, pulls out His pistol, and shoots The glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico, Our glasses are so Cheap we don't need To drink with the same one twice.' The Arab, obviously Impressed by this, Drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he's a Muslim!), Throws it into the Air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots The glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have So much sand to make Glasses that we don't Need to drink with The same one twice either.' The Arizona girl, Cool as a cucumber, Picks up her beer, Downs it in one gulp, Throws the glass into The air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, Setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, She says, 'In Arizona, We have so many Illegal aliens that We don't have to Drink with the same ones twice.' God Bless Arizona !! --- ...Now Ain't that the truth - no racial profiling needed eh? Thanks Sandi! -<>- ______________ / /| / / | /____________ / | | _________ | |____________________ | | | | |/ /|, /| | | .. | | / / /9 / | | | . | | /_______ / /9 / | | |_________| | | ____ +| /9 / | |________++___|/|________|/9 / | ________________ ,9` / / | / -/ /- /| ,9 / /| | /______________ //|,9 / / | | | ______ ||,9 / / | | | -+ |_9366_| ||/ / /| | | |_______________|/__________/ / | | | /////----------/| | /__| | |___ |o o \o| \| | | | | | |o \|_ || o|______ | |__| | |_____ |o \_ | || o| | | | | | / |o / |\ /| o| | | | |__|/ |o o| | | | |o-------------o| | | | |o /\/\ o| | | | |o / o o| o| | | | |o / \_+_/ o| | | | |o |\ \ o| | | | |o | |+ +-| o| | | | |o-------------o| | | | |o /| o| | | / m1a \/|/|/ |/\/|/\/ |____|/ >My Living Will Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine. They are SO on my s_ _ _ list .... -<>- _________________ / _ /| / / / ####### // / /_/ ####### // KDDR / ______________ // ===============' >A LADY'S YEARLY EXAM I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asked. "135," I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180. The nurse asked, "Your height?" "5 foot 4," I said. The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2" She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high. "Of course it's high!" I screamed, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!" She put me on Prozac. --- ...LOL! All Good Ones! Thanks Sandi! ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ,____ |---.\ ___ | ` / .-\ ./=) | |"|_/\/| ; |-;| /_| / \_| |/ \ | / \/\( | | / |` ) | / \ _/ | /--._/ \ | `/|) | / / | | .' | | jgs / \ | (_.-.__.__./ / As a new paratrooper, I was struck by all the T-shirts on base emblazoned with the motto "Death from above!" Later I noticed a submariner with a T-shirt that declared "Death from below!" Then, standing in line for chow one day, I was served by an Army cook. His T-shirt had a skull with a crossed fork and spoon underneath and yet another warning: "Death from within!" -<>- My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why. "The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained. Taking her mother's hand in hers, my friend's daughter said sweetly, "I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself." [Reader's Digest.] -<>- When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hour, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid. -<>- ° O ° °\°/° |\_/-\_/| |+| \+__+__+/ @@@@@ @ (.).) (.).)@@@ \ , >\ < @@@ \\__ / q @@ \ .| \ /G __| \__ | | / \\ // \ /°°°\ \\// /°°°°°\ \/ O arm Andre R. Mastel Q. What's the difference between a King's son, a monkey's mother, a bald head, and an orphan? A. One's an heir apparent, the next is a hairy parent, the next has no hair apparent, and the last has nary a parent. -<>- After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes." "Is it a girl or boy?" I asked excitedly. The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the ears." -<>- With airlines adding fees to fees, The Week magazine asked its readers to predict the next surcharge they'll levy for something previously free. 1. In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card... 2. $100 On-Time Departure Fee; $25 Delay Complaint Fee. 3. View seating (formerly window seats), $10; Access seating (formerly aisle seats), $10 $20 to use roll-away stairs to enter or exit the aircraft in lieu of no-charge rope-ladder alternative. 4. $9 fee for bumping your head on the overhead bin as you take your seat; $3 additional penalty for looking up at the bin after you bump into it. =============================================================== >-->From TheJokester: Did you swear the witness in Ralf? \ `, ___ # |/ ? Well, he Was swearing... | , )\ / /__/\ \____ ##### ,- / \_/ \ _/_ #### /\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=## ) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )# \ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ # __)/ [_______________________________] \___/ /) \ | | .'\$/\`-. /|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( ) __;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_ [________________| / ASCII- \ |________________] | | | _ _ART ____. | | | Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | | | RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | | ____| | -_ ,- | |____ | | `-...,-' | | | | | | |_______________|_____________________________|_______________| Attorney: Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant? Witness: The young lady is pregnant, but not as a result of my examination. <><><><><> Attorney: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? Witness: I'll be three months on November 8. Attorney: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? Witness: Yes. Attorney: What were you doing at that time? <><><><><> Attorney: Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? Witness: I went to Europe, sir. Attorney: And did you take your new wife? <><><><><> Attorney: She had three children, right? Witness: Yes. Attorney: How many were boys? Witness: None. Attorney: Were there any girls? <><><><><> Attorney: You say the stairs went down to the basement? Witness: Yes. Attorney: And these stairs, did they go up also? <><><><><> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. <><><><><> Attorney: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. Witness: That's me. Attorney: Were you present when that picture was taken? <><><><><> Attorney: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? <><><><><> Attorney: So you were gone until you returned? <><><><><> A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!" <><><><><> A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Heck, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!" ===================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy "Kid's Letters to President Bush" * Dear Mr. Bush: How much money does the president make? Could you please write and tell me because if it isn't enough money then I will become a dentist. Timothy U., age 7,Jamestown, NY ** Do you have any friends in Congress? My mom says your only friend is the vice-president. Richard D., age 8, Greenwich, CT ** Someday I hope there will be a woman president. But not my sister. She will drive everybody crazy----the Democrats and Republicans. A citizen, Lawrence K., age 8, Atlanta, GA ** What does Congress do all day? My dad told me that Congress doesn't do anything but make trouble. Ralph N., Palm Beach, FL ** Do you go to church on Sunday? I hope so because my mother says our country needs all the help we can get from God. Melissa, age 9, La Fayette, IN ** I hope I can be president someday but my mother says first I should get a real job and work. Jerome F., age 7, New York, NY ** My girlfriend Betsy and I would like to get married in the White House when we get married someday. We will be married in 20 years. Peter N., age 7, Bismarck, ND ** On TV you didn't answer some questions because you said the answer was classified. Can I classify my answers? I got into trouble when I admitted I broke something I shouldn't have touched. If I could say the answer if classified, I wouldn't be in trouble. Martin J., age 9, Philadelphia, PA ** Dear Mr. President: My girlfriend Alyssa is a Republican and I am a Democrat. Someday we may get married. Can a Democrat marry a Republican and be happy? I am 12 and my girlfriend is 11. We would like your answer before we are 18. Thank you, Ryan C., age 12, Philadelphia, PA ** And finally a young man who is wise beyond his years.....Someday if we have a woman president we will need more closets in the White House so the president will have room for all her clothes. My mom has three closets and my sister has two closets and my dad and my brother and I have to share closets. Michael P., age 8, San Diego,Ca -<>- By George Carlin: I wonder if a classical music composer ever intentionally composed a piano piece that was physically impossible to play and then stuck it away in a trunk to be found years after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy. -<>- _________ |\_______/| || ____|| WRONG KEY!!!!!!! || / \| ||_|| || |/_||____|| | | | | | .... | | ---- | pjb >TECH HELP SUPPORT LINE A customer couldn't get on the Internet: Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. ******************* Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one... ******************* Customer: Hi, this is Rose. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ." Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet .. it's still on my desk ... Sorry ... ******************* Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? ******************* Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello ... I can't print. Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dang it! ******************* Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it ... ******************* Customer: I have problems printing in red... Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah ... Thank you. ******************* Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: Okay. Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes. Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work! ******************* Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? ******************** Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer. ******************* Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears! ******************* Helpdesk: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? ==================================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) What Does the Bible Say About Tattoos? http://www.TruthOrTradition.com/tattoos Scotch Tape Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tapeart.html Modern Toilet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moderntoilet.html Micro Folk Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/microart.html Texas Outhouse Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Identity Theft 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft2.html Kids Being Kids http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids.html Miracle Coyote http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coyote.html Roller Coasters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coaster.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatH :) I posted this to our group here... Hi Smurf http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files/ --- ...A CRAZZZZY One! Thanks PatH! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Laura Zindel Ceramics http://www.laurazindel.com/index.html Country codes http://countrycode.org/ Religious and civil holidays around the world http://tinyurl.com/y9eqrw9 Never raise a parrot with a baby http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xkl7LxenzRQ --- ...FUNNY! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: Love Boat http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshsjsdh.htm Lucha http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshkksj.htm Luckiest Man On The Planet http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshshjs.htm Lucky 1 http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshsjs.htm McRonalds http://www.buffaloschips.com/2wds.htm My First Rescue http://www.buffaloschips.com/yh.htm Never Underestimate An Old Girl http://www.buffaloschips.com/67t.htm Obongo 08 http://www.buffaloschips.com/iuhj8.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. -- John Barrymore "The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning." --Jerry Seinfeld "At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.'" --Mark Klein "Greece is a relatively small country, much like a state in the U.S. But it overspent and over-borrowed, promised expensive pension plans, overtaxed, and it over-regulated business. So the state it would be here is California." -Jay Leno "President Obama said that we rely too much on gadgets. He gave a passionate speech about technology, but he had to stop when the teleprompter broke." -Craig Ferguson "A physics professor recently noticed a 99-year-old error in the Oxford English Dictionary that mistakenly defines the word 'siphon.' In response, Oxford has sent the man a certificate, which correctly defines the word 'nerd.'" -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************