Grandmas, Wisdom From Grandpa, And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Our friend Carol wrote me asking about Buffalo. I'd noticed that they hadn't been sending their group emails out like normal so I told Carol I would email Buffalo and find out if all was well with him and his. Buffalo emailed me back. It seems he has been having some serious health issues and has been bedridden. Please be patient with the group LynnLynn's links. Please also put Buffalo on your prayer list. Thank You And May God Bless You As You Do! :) -<>- >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first scorcher is a heartwarming true story from our friend Bunni that I couldn't resist doing up. Be sure to listen to the beautiful song! ____ ___ _.--"""-, / ) / \ .' `\ / _\ / \/ \ / .-' / _ | /.-.--.-.-.)/ / ( )\_ .\|(_._.__._._) / \,' \/ \ \ / : , | 0 _ 0 |/ : \ _/ (_) |`\ ,' `; "\ \ / / | | | /'. '._.' .' / \_,' .( '-----'` .'-. '-._ .-'\ '. [ `''''') ) `\ { ( ( ,\ / /\ '-..-'/ ; .-' ( '. / | .' ) `;---'` | /' /__.-' } / / O ' '----' ; / ! ___ { ! }/ \ ( _--- / | ___----'(__ .-' !\___/ .---' / .-.--' '------'------ --( ____)/ _-' (;(;;---'' (_(_(;; miraculis /jgs Where's The Line? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html --- ...SWEET! So glad you brought this to my attention! Thank You Bunni! Our next Hot sizzler is from our friends Sharon and PatDeE. This one has some beautiful photos of winter scenes packed with great life lessons. Give this one time to load and turn up your speakers so you can hear the holiday music with it. ._}} , ,' /.\ ,} " - _ * . :,;'.( / ', )`v;' " - _- /8\ ;' `-.`.,' ' /_,',/ - - . _ - " . \ / /8:,\ ) `. ';.-' " -.--*-- /888:. _.' , , ;' ^ / \ /'V"?:. .-' .- ,-') / \ . . /`./ `? ' ,-' )`( ^ /\ ' ` ^ ,' ' ., / ^ ( ( ) / \ '` ^/ \ \ ^ .-" , '^/ \ )` ( ' `/ Y ' ! ` ` /^ ^ -"""--....___..--" ' / ' ` (=)=) ' \ `/ \ \ !V' HO! . - /_...--. ||| ` \ / , ` \"` HO! _ ' '__.--,'_`.|| ` `.' ! ` ! HO! , , , -.--,' (_) `: __.-/, `\ (/ (/ (/ --,'_________:. / / ` \ \ _@, ._,---'\) ,--'\) ,--'\) -'|-----------|` '-._ ! _.-` ]Xxx/ /||"/> /|"/> /|"/> . | ___ .--. | . 'T^T` | | [_] |[]| | . _____.- .-. __|.,,_..| '|,| . ' / /) / / _/_ /) . . . .. _/_, _ // . _ /| / _ / _ // _ '/ _(/_(/_(_/ ) / |/_(_(_(_(_(_(/_ --`-'-------------/)--`-'-------------------- (/ Winter Wonderland And Life Lessons http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lessons.html --- ...Lovely snow pictures with good advice! Thanks Sharon And PatDeE! =============================================================== >-->From the FunnyBone: The Personality Test A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test. .-'''''-. "How does this glass of water look to you?" |'-----'| Person 1: It is half empty |-.....-| Student writes 'pessimist' in his report. |::. | |::. | Person 2 enters the room. |:::. | |::::. | "How does this glass of water look to you?" |::::::.| Person 2: It is half full. jgs `'-----'` Student writes 'optimist' in his report Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there. The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor. "Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality." ============================================================= *---------- Bizarre December Holidays ----------* December 5 is National Sacher Torte Day December 6 is National Gazpacho Day and Mitten Tree Day December 7 is National Cotton Candy Day December 8 is Take It In The Ear Day December 9 is National Pastry Day December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day ============================================================ >-->From our Friend Bunni ) ____ .-'& '-. / \ : o o ; ( (_ ) : ; \ __ / `-._____.-' /`"""`\ / , \ /|/\/\/\ _\ (_|/\/\/\\__) |_______| __)_ |_ (__ jgs (_____|_____) >Kid Takes... 1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 -No person really decides before they groww up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treassure) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10 6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8 7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child) 8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favorite is ....... 9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10 --- ...LOL! That'll work! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >Short Takes... E _ \ o .|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. \/() \cjr//\/'.'.'.'.'.'.\//\\//\/ \7] \__, \/\\//\\/'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'\//\\//\/<,] /==() .:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was too hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The next day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie -<>- As a young lawyer working on my first big case, I was sitting in Federal District Court watching a prominent attorney question a witness. The attorney was trying, unsuccessfully, to elicit certain information. Finally the judge turned to the witness and asked a question that prompted the appropriate response. "Thank you, your honor," the attorney said. "How is it that you were able to get to the crux of the matter with one question after I had tried three times?" "Easy," replied the judge. "I'm not paid by the hour." -<>- .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] In my early driving days, I had the bad habit of running out of gas frequently. Once, I was stranded at the mall and called my father for help. When he arrived, I was under the hood, poking around. "I think there's something preventing the gas from reaching the carburetor," I said. "Yeah," he shot back. "A twenty-dollar bill." -<>- @ ) (_m_\ \\" _.`~. `(#'/.\) .>' (_--, _=/d . ^\ ~~ \)-' ' / | ptr ##'##'#after a:f############## ################################# >Will Rogers Never squat with your spurs on Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. -<>- __ ___ ('__`> ./, \ // o( //)< \\\ ':__/ (/)\__)\` /_/\ | \ ) (_ |( ) \\ ,_ __Y''( \| [|\ `._-'\_(\\________________//_ `-./ /| ||`.___,-[______________________]-.___,'|| \`\.,-) `-.||| ||' `-.,/|| \,`.___. ||| ,|| ,___,'_|| |______`.||| / ||,'_______|| ||==I ||\ / ,||||| ||| __||__ ||_\__ __/_//||||| ||| ---o--o---o-||\_,-'----`-._// ||+||-----+||-------ool >ABOUT GROWING OLDER... First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved. Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young. Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf. And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old. -<>- / / / .--. / / / / / \ / / / | /a / / / / / \ |/ / / / .-. / ) | / / / / __) / / `. .--. / / / \| @( / | \ \ / // / / / / / .' \-/ / |\ \_|_\__ / -' / / / / | \' / | \___/)--) / / / / / \ \ / | | \ \ .-' / / / / \/) | | \.-' \ / (____\ /U\ _.---------'| `------._____________________/ \ \\__)-------.__ -- '`--` VK >How Cold Is It? +60 Californians put on sweaters. +50 Miami residents turn on the heat. +45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concert. +40 You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming. +35 Italian cars don`t start. +32 Water freezes. +30 You plan your vacation in Australia. +25 Ohio water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming. +20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation further south. +15 French cars don`t start. Cat insists on sleeping with you. +10 You need jumper cables to get the car going. +5 American cars don`t start. 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts. -10 German cars don`t start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink. -15 You can cut your breath and use it to bbuild an igloo. Arkansans stick tongues on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist. -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas withh you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don`t start. -25 Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -30 You plan a two week hot bath. Swedish cars don`t start. -40 Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweater. Your cat helps you plan your trip south. -50 Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window. -80 Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south. Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game. -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own poockets. -100 Canadian buildings turn off air condittioning. --- ...HaHa! Lots of good ones! Thanks Bunni! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend PatDeE: >HISTORY Really interesting, and I never knew this little bit of history: Tour boats ferry people out to the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii every thirty minutes. We just missed a ferry and had to wait thirty minutes. I went into a small gift shop to kill time. In the gift shop, I purchased a small book entitled, "Reflections on Pearl Harbor" by Admiral Chester Nimitz. Sunday, December 7th, 1941--Admiral Chester Nimitz was attending a concert in Washington D.C. He was paged and told there was a phone call for him. When he answered the phone, it was President Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the phone. He told Admiral Nimitz that he (Nimitz) would now be the Commander of the Pacific Fleet. Admiral Nimitz flew to Hawaii to assume command of the Pacific Fleet. He landed at Pearl Harbor on Christmas Eve, 1941. There was such a spirit of despair, dejection and defeat--you would have thought the Japanese had already won the war. On Christmas Day, 1941, Adm. Nimitz was given a boat tour of the destruction wrought on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese. Big sunken battleships and navy vessels cluttered the waters every where you looked. As the tour boat returned to dock, the young helmsman of the boat asked, "Well Admiral, what do you think after seeing all this destruction?" Admiral Nimitz's reply shocked everyone within the sound of his voice. Admiral Nimitz said, "The Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force could ever make, or God was taking care of America. Which do you think it was?" Shocked and surprised, the young helmsman asked, "What do mean by saying the Japanese made the three biggest mistakes an attack force ever made?" Nimitz explained: Mistake number one: the Japanese attacked on Sunday morning. Nine out of every ten crewmen of those ships were ashore on leave. If those same ships had been lured to sea and been sunk--we would have lost 38,000 men instead of 3,800. Mistake number two: when the Japanese saw all those battleships lined in a row, they got so carried away sinking those battleships, they never once bombed our dry docks opposite those ships. If they had destroyed our dry docks, we would have had to tow every one of those ships to America to be repaired. As it is now, the ships are in shallow water and can be raised. One tug can pull them over to the dry docks, and we can have them repaired and at sea by the time we could have towed them to America. And I already have crews ashore anxious to man those ships. Mistake number three: every drop of fuel in the Pacific theater of war is in top of the ground storage tanks five miles away over that hill. One attack plane could have strafed those tanks and destroyed our fuel supply. That's why I say the Japanese made three of the biggest mistakes an attack force could make or God was taking care of America. I've never forgotten what I read in that little book. It is still an inspiration as I reflect upon it. In jest, I might suggest that because Admiral Nimitz was a Texan, born and raised in Fredricksburg, Texas --he was a born optimist. But anyway you look at it--Admiral Nimitz was able to see a silver lining in a situation and circumstance where everyone else saw only despair and defeatism. President Roosevelt had chosen the right man for the right job. We desperately needed a leader that could see silver linings in the midst of the clouds of dejection, despair and defeat. There is a reason that our national motto is, IN GOD WE TRUST. --- ...AMEN! So True! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >Break Time... /'\ / / , c-' / /'-._ ,____,' .-'''-. .-'.// \ '-;-========,"-,' ' ,` /, \_//\ ,/ ( '- *) ) ( ./ ) {,}========'===='- ' , , , \/ ', -muse. _____'-.-`_______________________'-..-'____ s i t b a c k r i d e 'n' r e l a x r e c u m b e n t b i c y c l e s ____________________________________________ I BELIEVE YOU WILL ENJOY THIS WHETHER YOU SPEAK FRENCH OR NOT!!! French weight loss program http://vimeo.com/29416289 --- ...LMAO! Tres Bon Mon Ami! Merci Beaucoup PatDeE! ================================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Our Friend EdLaF :) GBTV: S.E. Cupp Examines Growing Anti-Semitism on American College Campuses | Video | http://tinyurl.com/d4tp5gk Welfare Recipient Lives in Million Dollar Home Near Seattle | Video | TheBlaze.com http://tinyurl.com/d629c6x Obama and Dems Housing Crisis - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P4Z0p3NKuk&feature=related Goodbye Barney Frank, and Thanks for the Housing Crisis - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG4Wm6x25EY&feature=relmfu 14000 Abandoned Wind Turbines In The USA « Tory Aardvark http://toryaardvark.com/2011/11/17/14000-abandoned-wind-turbines- in-the-usa/ --- ...Interesting! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From TA Science Census Bureau analysis: Fast Growing 90-and-Older Population http://tinyurl.com/7756ybb -<>- >From BizarreNews: A London bar has installed a video game above its men's room urinals that the game's designer says is the world's first to be controlled by urine flow. The Exhibit bar in the Balham neighborhood said the 12-inch screens feature games including simulated skiing, fire extinguishing and a trivia challenge. All of the games, which were developed over three years by designer Gordon MacSween, are controlled by the player aiming his stream of urine. The games give players codes at the end of rounds to allow them to enter their scores at online leader boards. MacSween said the games have proved a boon for advertisers who have seen sales of their products rise since they were installed as well as helping the bar owners prevent damage to their bathrooms. "Because people are having a laugh, there's a lot less vandalism -- people tend to get less angry," he said. I wonder what a similar game for women would involve? *-- Firefighters free man from chimney --* LUBBOCK, Texas - Firefighters in Texas said they rescued a man who became stuck in his chimney after locking his keys inside of his home. Robert Loveless, deputy fire marshal for the Lubbock Fire Department, said the 22-year-old man, whose name was not released, attempted to enter his home through the chimney early Monday while his wife and child waited outside, the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal reported Tuesday. The man became stuck in the flu and his wife called 911 just prior to 1:30 a.m., Loveless said. He said firefighters lowered a rope down the chimney and pulled the man back up to the roof. The deputy chief cautioned against attempting to enter a home through a chimney. "Even if you would fit down the chimney flue, getting pass the damper assembly is -- I can't see anybody getting past that," Loveless said. *-- Christmas photos come with gun backdrops --* SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. - An Arizona gun club is giving families the chance to take Christmas card photos with Santa Claus in front of firearms- themed backdrops. The Scottsdale Gun Club said families can come in during the Santa and Machine Guns event, scheduled for Dec. 10 from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., and have photos taken with jolly old St. Nick in front of backdrops ranging from an $80,000 Garwood minigun to common pistols, KSAZ-TV, Phoenix, reported Monday. "I think it's going to be all in fun from those who support the second amendment and those who don't. Whether you're a gun advocate or not, you should have a lot of fun with it," gun club member Richard Jones said. *-- Teens set off deer urine bombs in store --* FORT PAYNE, Ala. - Two DeKalb County, Ala., teens were arrested for allegedly setting off deer urine bombs in a Walmart store, causing more than $11,000 in damage, police say. A release from the Fort Payne Police Department said Clint Taylor Bailey, 18, of Fort Payne, and Christopher Lamar Weathers, 18, of Dawson, were caught on surveillance video entering the Fort Payne Walmart store's sporting goods area and taking two deer urine bombs, The Gadsen (Ala.) Times reported. The two then allegedly took the bombs to the clothing department and set them off in pockets of clothing, the release said. Taylor and Weathers were arrested Tuesday and charged with theft and criminal mischief. Bond for each was set at $13,000. *-- Dog shoots hunter in buttocks --* BRIGHAM CITY, Utah - Authorities in Utah said a hunter was wounded in the buttocks when his dog jumped on a 12-gauge shotgun, causing the weapon to fire a round of birdshot. Box Elder County Sheriff's Chief Deputy Kevin Potter said two duck hunters were at the Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge preparing for a day of hunting Sunday morning when the incident took place, The Salt Lake Tribune reported Thursday. "One of the hunters was inside the boat with the dog, and the other hunter was in the water setting up decoys," Potter said. "The guy in the water had put his 12-gauge shotgun across the bow of their boat." "The dog got excited, was jumping around inside the boat and then it jumped on the gun. It went off, shooting the (decoy setter) in the buttocks," Potter said. Potter said the man was taken to the Brigham City Community Hospital around 9 a.m. and released after doctors removed the birdshot from his posterior. The chief deputy said there were no other injuries to their hunters or the dog. =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | | | \x/ | | | | V | | /____\ /____\ | | | | / \ / \ | | | | `~~| |~~' |\ /| | \ / | |___V___| | / \ | | / \ | |/ \| / \ / \ ______/ \_______ ============================ Alyssa As a single, never-married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by my friends, relatives, and co-workers. Over the years, I've noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries. In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you going out with this weekend?" In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who are you dating?" In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating anyone yet?" Now people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse?" -<>- At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." -<>- ____ /(( )) ( )6 6( ) (_) l (_) \ <> ) ____) (_____ ( \____/ ) ) ( )( ) ( / / \ / \ \ / / \ / \ \ \ \ )==( / / \ \ / \ / / '\\/ \//' '|\` '|\` \ / \ / ) ( jgs/akg / \ Woman: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids." Man: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person." [A period of silence -- the woman looks down at her food.] Man: "What's wrong?" Woman: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong." -<>- A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!" -<>- In my job with a delivery company, I was getting phone directions to a customer's home. The woman very specifically said, "From the main road in the center of town go two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right, and the number is on the mailbox." As I entered the information into the computer, I asked, "What color is your house?" The woman paused a second and said, "Hold on. I'll go check." -<>- _____ / \ / ````` \ /|`o o'|\ /|| . ||\ |*\\ _ //*| |*/ \ / \*| // / \ \\ /(__/\___/\__)\ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |\ /| | / // \| | Not quite grasping the sanctity of "Monday Night Football," I plunked myself next to my new husband one Monday night to chat. He was distracted by the action on TV, and after being shushed a few times, I gave him a "look." Immediately contrite, he picked up the remote. "I'm sorry, honey," he apologized, "I'm being rude. You go ahead and talk--I'll just turn up the volume." ============================================================= >-->From TheMouth: _.._ .-' `-. : ; ; ,_ _, ; : \{" "}/ : ,'.'"=..=''.'. ; / \ / \ ; .' ; '.__.' ; '. .-' .' '. '-. .' ; ; '. / / \ \ ; ; ; ; ; `-._ _.-' ; ; ""--. .--"" ; '. _ ; ; _ .' {""..' '._.-. .-._.' '..""} \ ; ; / : : : : : :.__.: : \ /"-..-"\ / fsc '-.__.' '.__.-' "Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me" 13. Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose. 14. Just keep banging until someone opens the door. 15. Making your bed is a waste of time. 16. There is no good reason why clothes have to match. 17. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. 18. If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either. 19. Toads aren't ugly, they're just toads. 20. Don't pop someone else's bubble. 21. You work so hard peddling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down. 22. If you stand on tiptoe to be measured this year, you'll have to stand on tiptoe for the rest of your life. 23. You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game. 24. Chasing the cat is more fun than catching it. 25. Make your mother proud of you. -<>- _ /_\ .'-'. .' '. '_________' ( ) |.---------.| |: Blinker :| |: Fluid :| |'---------'| (___________)LGB >Reasons to Buy a New Car 1. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places. 2. Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel. 3. You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a moped. 4. 15-Minute Jiffy Lube lasts for only 3 days. 5. Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take "The Club." 6. When you gas up, the attendant asks "Can I re-duct-tape that windshield for you?" 7. While waiting at stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt. 8. For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway. 9. Keep losing dates on left turns. 10 Your gas gauge measures in cubits. 11. Traffic reporters starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups. 12. Hasn't been the same since Henry Ford borrowed it. -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >Wisdom from Grandpa * Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries. * Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar. * Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good. * When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. * On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present. * The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up. * Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders. * Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it. * The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. * When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember about Algebra. * I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. * Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. * Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you. * If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. ============================================================== >-->Tips From Our Friend Linda :) PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS...... This one made me think! __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >Not all thieves are stupid. This gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology. GPS A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard. When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents. Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen. MOBILE PHONES I never thought of this....... This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc...was stolen. 20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.' When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account. Moral of the lesson: Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.... And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back. Also, when you're being texted by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.. *PLEASE PASS THIS ON * I never thought about the above! As of now, I no longer have 'home' listed on my cell phone. Even if this does not pertain to you.... Pass it on to your family & friends --- ...Great info! Thanks Linda! ============================================================ >-->From TheSermondFodder: .---. ___ /_____\ /\.-`( '.' ) / / \_-_/_ \ `-.-"`'V'//-. `.__, |// , \ |Ll //Ll|\ \ |__// | \_\ /---|[]==| / / \__/ | \/\/ /_ | Ll_\| |`^"""^`| | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J jgs |_ | _| (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ >Old Soldiers Never... When General Douglas MacArthur retired from the military in 1951, he stated famously, "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." But five-star generals are not the only ones who never die: Golfers never die, they just lose their drive. Lumberjacks never die, they just pine away. Accountants don't die, they just lose their balance. Bank managers don't die, they just lose interest. Vehicle mechanics? They re-tire every day. Teachers don't retire, they just mark time. Roofers don't retire, they just wipe the slate clean. Engineers never retire, they just lose their bearings. Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. Musicians never retire, they just decompose. Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out. Old librarians never die, they just check out, become overdue, and lose their circulation. Old crossword puzzlers never die, they just go across and -- hopefully -- up. Old milkmaids never die, they just kick the bucket and lose their whey. Old plumbers never die, they just get out of sink and go down the drain. Old teachers never die, they just grade away and lose their principals, their faculties, and their class. Old math professors never die, they just go off on a tangent. Old mimes never die, they're just never heard from again. Old housemaids never die, they just return to dust. === From Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. ============================================================== >-->From TheJokester: ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` >Grandmas And Grandkids An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!" The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles." <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> (, _ /| {())/ | ,)_,,((( / `___ ))| ` , / `, /`-- '\ \` `.` \| \| ejm _;_) _;_) -'-'- -'-'- A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he said. <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four." <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> .-. __/ ( , '-.____\ u=='/ \ /_/ \ .-'' | ( ____/_____ _>_/.-------- \/// // snd // A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife." <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his friend about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!" <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> _)_ .-'(/ '-. / ` \ / - - \ (` a a `) \ ^ / '. '---' .' .-`'---'`-. / \ / / ' ' \ \ _/ /| |\ \_ `/|\` |+++++++|`/|\` /\ /\ | `-._.-` | \ / \ / |_ | | _| jgs | _| |_ | (ooO Ooo) A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied ed the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add "es." (Why wouldn't an English teacher love that one?) <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> " Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. _____ .'.---.'. // , \\ || `| || || | || || -'- || .-"`'-.,_ _,.-'`"-. / .'--,___`"""`___,--'. \ | /:////_'---'_\\\\:\ | \|:|// `_ _` \\|:|/ '-/| (6/ \6) |\-' \\ | | // `| (._.) |` | _ _ | jgs \ '---' / '--.___.--' The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child." <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green Army men in the cup. She said "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!" <-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-> _ ( ..:::[=--. /o\ _ ) .:::'' \ (")\ /_\ (,`):::,(. `/:\ I I ) (. )' (' |:|`\ ,={_O_} jgs (,)' ). (' ),) _/^|_ -.__.' | | I know you are not all grandmas yet, however these are cute. A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck" A third child brought the argument to a close..."They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." =============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Aww Animals 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html Playing With Words http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wordplay.html Attitude Is Everything 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude4.html 90/10 Principle http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html Extreme US Spas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html World's Fastest Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Extreme Homes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html Christmas Around The World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasworld.html Amazing Grace http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazinggrace.html -<>- Visit here and give [free] clicks - donate to help the hungry, child health, animals, breast cancer, veterans, etc: http://www.thehungersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1 -<>- >From Our Friend LaRueRoss :) Merry Christmas - The Magic Christmas Star http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=1G8jGbvsssk --- ...Aww so sweet! Thank You LaRueRoss! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us ones we have here... Animal Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html --- ...Awww, so sweet a reminder! Thanks Linda! Hiking in China http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html --- ...Dangerous reminder! Thanks Linda! Military WWII Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarywwii.html --- ...Awesome reminder! Thanks Linda! Taser Cam This is why cops are using cameras. This camera turns on when police activate a Taser gun at defendants. Note the difference between what the defendants, their mothers and their wives, say to the Judge BEFORE the video plays! Look at the size of the last guy and the tie he's wearing http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eaf_1258270221 --- ...Way too Funny! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Sharon :) She sent us one we have here... Buy a dog... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buyadog.html --- ...a cute reminder! Thanks Sharon! A U.S. Air Force Captain is welcomed home at the airport by her dog Molly. It's easy to see that Molly missed her very much and doesn't really care to share the welcome home moment with anyone else. It's all about Molly the Dog! http://youtu.be/3symtHjQLNw --- ...Awww, so sweet! Thanks Sharon! Alpine coaster - quite the ride! http://www.wimp.com/alpinecoaster/ Fun project out of McGill University. "Top scientists, students, lab technicians, and volunteers at McGill University (Montreal) created a video to raise awareness for research at the Goodman Cancer Research Centre. The video features music by Taio Cruz and dancing by staff in lab spaces around the research facility. This is a showcase of real scientists with a passion for solving issues affecting human health and having serious fun! Their sponsor, Medicom, will make a donation for each hit to support advances in cancer research at the Goodman Cancer Research Centre." -- http://cwsf.youthscience.ca/blog/scientific-research-serious-fun --- ...Fun ones! Thanks Sharon! -<>- >From BOTH Our Friends PatDeE AND Linda :) Best as full screen. Enjoy and God bless, -Pat A Christmas Story - Journey Of The Angels/Silent Night http://www.youtube.com/embed/YBIwCdvhgX4?rel=0 --- ...Awww, such a heartwarmer! Need tissues! Thanks PatDeE and Linda! -<>- >From Our Net-Guru Friend Wesley :) ripped : Free ebook search engine http://goo.gl/Qf84U duck hunt with HTML5 + JavaScript with level creator - Free - OnLine Game http://mattsurabian.com/duckhunt/ patternizer - stripe pattern generator tool - free http://patternizer.com/a0dk --- ...Great Ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Sending A Hug Your Way http://www.buffaloschips.com/32827.htm Hot Water http://www.buffaloschips.com/32828.htm Why Is Mommy Moaning http://www.buffaloschips.com/32829.htm Answering Machine http://www.buffaloschips.com/32830.htm Guidance http://www.buffaloschips.com/32831.htm Parking Ticket http://www.buffaloschips.com/32833.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "An 18 year-old woman was arrested after spending the past eight months pretending to be a student at Stanford university and living in their dorms, even though she was not enrolled there. She pretended to be a student for eight months. Hey, that's nothing. I pretended to be a student for four years!" -Jay Leno "I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and collect insurance." --Brian Kiley "My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." --Kevin Hench "My father would say things that made no sense at all, like, 'If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.'" --Louie Anderson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chrristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************