Guide For Mothers & More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I've been adding more animations to our gallery here... Animated Gallery: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html AND I decided to add YouTube affiliates to Shangrala to hopefully pay for some of the sites expenses. You'll see these on the Animated Gallery pages, the ShangyFunList page, and the FUN URLS page. We'll see. I have not been too impressed with our affiliates in the past. I'm trying 2 new ones that so far haven't generated even a penny for the site. All I can do is try. I will remove all or any of these in a couple months if they prove not to be helpful to Shangrala. -<>- >TWO HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press pages! _____ .'~ ~ ~`. I'm Hot Off The OVEN! | a a | / `. ~ .' .----'(>o<)`----. ( S S ) `---. o .---' ; o : ; o : / \ jgs / /\ \ .-' ~~ / \ ~~ `-. `.___.' `.___.' This is an ecard page from me to you Wishing You All A Merry Christmas! Please give it plenty of time to Load and turn up your sound... Disney Christmas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneychristmas.html Not to be out done, our friend Bob had to RTF and sent us a forward of a video file. It was really impressive, so I looked for it and found it on YouTube. I made another Christmas page using it. See it here: /\ .--._/ \_.--. `) (` _.-' '-._ '-. .-' `) (' /.-"-. .-"-.\ jgs ` \/ ` /\ //\\ //||\\ // || \\ //\ || /\\ //'.\||/.'\\ //___> <___\\ //------------\\ // \\ // .-"-. \\ // ( (`\) \\ // '-/| `\ \\ // .-"-. / | || \\ // (.-. ) / | || \\ || / /)-' =`-.| || || ||/ / '-| .-""-. | =\| || |/ |'./ (__()__) | | || / /\====\ /==| |=|| /_.-' | >--< |-.-| || jgs |----' `-.-' || Amazing Grace http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazinggrace.html --- ...Such a wonderful one! Thank You Bob! *~* Please Be Sure To SHARE These With Your Loved Ones :) ===================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: .@@@@@. / \ Kids Wisdom / 6 6 \ ( ^ ,) \ c /-._ 1. Never trust a dog to watch `._____.' `--.__ your food. Patrick, Age 10 \ / `/``"""'-. Y 7 / : 2. When you want something | / | .--. : expensive, ask your grand- / /__ \/ `.__.:.____.-. parents. Matthew, Age 12 / / / `"""`/ .-"..____.-. \ jgs _.-' /_/ ( \-. \ 3. Never smart off to a `=----' `----------'""`-. \ `" teacher whose eyes and `" ears are twitching. Andrew, Age 9 4. Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. Rocky, Age 9 , 5. Sleep in your clothes so you'll ,_ , .'<_ be dressed in the morning. _> `'-,'(__.-' __< Stephanie, Age 8 >_.--(.. ) =;` jgs `V-'`'\/`` 6. Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Rosemary, Age 7 7. Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower. Lamar, Age 10 8. Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. Carrol, Age 9 9. Never bug a pregnant mom. Nicholas, Age 11 10. Don't ever be too full for dessert. Kelly, Age 10 11. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. Heather, Age 16 12. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14 _ 13. Don't pick on your sister when she's / ) holding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12 / / .-""-.//' 14. When you get a bad grade in school, /_____C\___ show it to your mom when she's on /// 6 6~\~~` the phone.Alyesha, Age 13 /(/ 7 ) (((\ '='/ 15. Never try to baptize a cat. Laura, _//'---'\ Age 13 ( \ `\ jgs (\/`-.__/ / 16. Never spit when on a roller coaster. "`-._ _.' Scott, Age 11 `` 17. Never do pranks at a police station. Sam, Age 10 18. Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. Rob, Age 10 19. Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. Hank, Age 12 20. Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. Molly, Age 11 * * * * 21. Listen to your brain. It *|_*|_*|*|_ has lots of information. .-'`|* |* |*| `'-. Chelsey, Age 7 |`-.............-'| | | 22. Stay away from prunes. \ _ .-. _ / Randy, Age 9 ,-|'-' '-' '-' '-'`|-, /` \._ _./ `\ 23. Never dare your little '._ `"""""""""""` _.' brother to paint the family jgs `''--...........--''` car. Phillip, Age 13 ) ( .--' '--. 24. Forget the cake, go for the icing. / \ Cynthia, Age 8" `'---------'` ================================================================== +----------------- Bizarre Newspaper Ads ------------------+ Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. ================================================================ >-->From Our Friends Del, Casey, & MrWu :) -------|--------------------------------------------------|-------- ___|___ ___|___ ////////\ _ _ /\\\\\\\\ //////// \ ('< >') / \\\\\\\\ | (_) | | (^) (^) | | (_) | |______|.===="== =="====.|______| ----------------------------------------------------------------ldb- Del reminds us of our page here... Feather paintings This is awesome http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather.html And adds a wonderful story to go with it... >God's Wings - A little something to put things in perspective... After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park , forest rangers began their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage. One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick. When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their dead mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of impending disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke would rise. She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies. Then the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body, the mother had remained steadfast ...because she had been willing to die, so those under the cover of her wings would live. 'He will cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you will find refuge' (Psalm 91:4) Being loved this much should make a difference in your life. Remember the One who loves you, and then be different because of it. My instructions were to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To realize the value of a friend...lose one. -<>- >Summary of Life .-""""""""""-. / `\ / .--.---.-.-.--.-;. ; { ' . ' . ' . '} | {__'_,__.__'__.__'_} | / _ _ \ | ; / \ / \ ; | | |0| |0| | \ | \_/ \_/ | .-'\; \ / ; |. ' \ '. .' / \ ` / '. '-.__.-' .' '--' '-._ _.-' jgs '''' GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa 's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 17 success is . having a drivers license. At age 35 success is . . having money. At age 50 success is . . having money. At age 70 success is . .. having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . .. having friends. At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants. Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh. Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day. Have a wonderful day with many *smiles* --- ...Very Sweet Smiles! Thank You Del! ====================================================================== >-->From our Friend Budha :) ___ /` `'. / _..---; | /__..._/ .--.-. |.' e e | ___\_|/____ (_)'--.o.--| | | | .-( `-' = `-|____| |____| / ( |____ ____| LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS | ( |_ | | __| | '-.--';/'/__ | | ( `| | '. \ )"";--`\ / \ ; |--' `;.-' jgs |`-.__ ..-'--'`;..--'` >Breakfast at McDonald's I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.' The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, Literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then Even my husband did. I did not move an inch... An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling' His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the Restaurant were set on me, judging My every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.' I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.' I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope..' We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?' I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE. Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart To handle yourself, use your head.. To handle others, use your heart. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest. --- ...Excellent one! Thanks Budha! =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend James :) Seem to be or not seem to be.... \ ,,,,,, /e ''( (_ ` \ ___> \ / ,_\-.___ \_ / _)/ / \ | \ / ` _ | __\____/ / ' | / _ /______/ / _/ \,_____/o ( \__)/` \ / \__________/_/_ _/ \ \ )/ \ / / | /\ ( \_____/ ___/ \ \ _/ \ ______/_/___|_| ) \ / / o\ o\ / / /\ b'ger,,,'-----^--',,,,,,',,|_,,\_ ,,\/,, >Profound The only thing that the human mind has accomplished, is the dream, prior to awakening! --- ...Profound indeed! Thanks James! =================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: _... o_.-"` `\ .--. _ `'-._.-'""-; _ .' \`_\_ {_.-a"a-} _ / \ _/ .-' '. {c-._o_.){\|` | (@`-._ / \{ ^ } \\ _/ Ho Ho Hello!! `~\ '-._ /'. } \} .-. |>:< '-.__/ '._,} \_/ / ()) | >:< `'---. ____'-.|(`"` \ >:< \\_\\_\ | ; \ \\-{}-\/ \ \ '._\\' /) '. /( `-._ _____ _ _____ __.'\ \ / \ / \ / \ \ \ jgs _.'/^\'._.'/^\'._.'/^\'.__) \ ,==' `---` '---' '---' ) `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""` >From NewsMax: More good Christmas news: our readers have donated more than 5000 pre-paid calling cards for our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan so they can call home to their loved ones this Christmas. Newsmax's "Operation Christmas Calls for the Troops" was launched just days ago and already the response from our readers has been huge. We want to give each of the 178,000 troops in Iraq and Afghanistan cards. We need your help to do it — Go Here Now. https://www.newsmaxstore.com/contribute/troops/?s=al&promo_code=7493-1 AT&T has set up special phone stations near all major deployments in the Mid-East. Phone access for our troops is easy, but calls home remain expensive. That's why we are raising money from our readers to give our troops free AT&T Global PrePaid Cards. With these cards our troops can use these gift cards to call their friends, family and loved ones. Share a special Christmas. It's only $18 to do so — and you can show your support for these heroic troops. Take part in this special effort — Go here Now. https://www.newsmaxstore.com/contribute/troops/?s=al&promo_code=7493-1 Thank you. Newsmax.com -<>- >From AARP: AARP Victory on Retirement Security I have good news to report — last month, many of you submitted stories about being legally required to take money out of your retirement savings accounts that have been devastated by the Wall Street meltdown. I shared your stories with AARP’s lobbying team who have made it a top priority to temporarily halt mandatory withdrawals for those age 70 and 1/2 and older. We called on Congress to freeze mandatory withdrawals — and last week we won relief for 2009! Sincerely, Barry Jackson AARP Online Advocacy Manager -<>- >From BizarreNews: |(r)| ._. ________|...|_______________)_(________ {___________________________________cgmm} |__|___o==o___|_O===O___|xxxx|___,--.|___ ____|__| |_|___| |__|_| |__|_| |__|_ |__|___| |____|| |_|__`. \|__| |_|__ _|___|_`. \|___| `._|___`-'__.' ;__|_ __|___|__`._)_|_`. :___|___|<._/'__|__ |__|__|__|__|___|_`.__;_|___|___|___|___| __|____|__|___|___|___|___|__|_____|__|__ _|___|___|___|_|__|____|___|___|___|___|_ __|___|___.---"""'______`"""---.__|___|__ _|__|___O---"""""" """"""---O__|____ ___|__|__] A A A A A A [__|___|_ |___|__|_] | | | | | | [___|___| __|___|__] --|--|--|--|--|--|-- [__|__|__ _|___|___] | | | | | | [_|__|___ ___|___|_]___|__|__|__|__|__|___[__|___|_ -- Alleged burglar trapped in sealed chimney --------- ST. LOUIS - Authorities in St. Louis said an alleged burglar's Santa-style mode of entry left him trapped for more than seven hours in the flue of a pawn shop's chimney. Police said Charles Bryant, 35, was foiled in his alleged burglary attempt when he found the base of the chimney at St. Louis Jewelry and Loan had been sealed with concrete, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported. Firefighters said they spent more than two hours Wednesday morning using power chisels and hammers to get the suspect out of the chimney. Bryant, who was treated at a hospital for shock and a shoulder injury, was arrested and charged with second degree burglary. -- Fragrance line inspired by college smells --------- HARRISBURG, Pa. - A Pennsylvania chemical engineer said she is working on a line of fragrances aimed at those who are nostalgic about their university years. Katie Masik said her Harrisburg-based company, Masik Collegiate Fragrances, has already created scents for the University of North Carolina and Penn State University and plans to have fragrances for the University of Georgia, Louisiana State University and other schools on the market next year, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported Thursday. Masik said she visits the schools and speaks with students and alumni before settling on the scent that best defines the school. "I get a lot of requests for beer smell and sweaty football players," Masik said. `/\ ____/ / _ / ___ \ \\_!_________(_/_/ \ \ <#|=====|______ / /__/ Not The Cat!!!!! / C|=====|---' \__/ / |-|-|~ / /---' / / |_____| jiri -- Man: Cat shot me by mistake --------------- EDEN, N.C. - A North Carolina man who was shot in the thigh Friday at first blamed his cat and then himself. Charlie Busick of Eden told sheriff's deputies that he had left his .45-caliber pistol on a love seat, the Greensboro News & Record reported. He said that the cat jumped on the seat and landed on the pistol, setting it off. But he later denied the cat was responsible. Instead, he said, that he put his hand down on the seat for balance while he was standing up, landing on the gun. Busick called a friend after the shooting to ask for a ride to the hospital. -- Woman's cellmate named divorce cohabitant --------- WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - An attorney for an incarcerated woman said his client lost out on alimony from her Florida husband because a court ruled her cellmate is a cohabitant. Attorney Steven Cripps said he was disturbed by Andrew Craissati's attempt to avoid alimony payments to his ex- wife, Patricia, by claiming her current cellmate honored a cohabitation clause in their divorce agreement, The Palm Beach (Fla.) Post said Wednesday. But Cripps said that notion was nothing compared to the impact the 4th District Court of Appeal's support of the request could have on the legal community. "It goes to show the most winnable case is losable and the most losable case is winnable," the attorney said after Wednesday's ruling. Under the terms of their divorce, Craissati could stop alimony payments to his ex-wife if she remarried or was deemed to have lived with a cohabitant for at least three months. The Post said Patricia is serving a nine-year prison sentence in relation to a driving under the influence accident. Cripps said he will request an appeals court rehearing on the matter. =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. Luckily, they matched. -<>- ´ /´ II__ LI MMMM "guilty!...BLAM!" Martin Bueldt An employee of USAir by the name of James Gay boarded a US Air flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the US Air employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said to the man now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Gay?" The man, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am." The flight attendant said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get off the plane." At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this (and was rather amused) jumped up and said, "Excuse me, you've made a mistake. I'm Gay!" Finally, another man jumped up and said, "Well, hell, I'm gay too. They can't throw us all off!" -<>- _ _ ' ` \I. _, _ ___, _' . )' l,' (_;_) '7_J l, (_) (_{ l_) ' I (_) l,' () ' SAY WHAT? Have you ever heard the phrase "lost in translation"? Following are a few well-known American movie titles and their translations when they were released in foreign countries. CHINA As Good As It Gets: Mr. Cat Poop GERMANY Dodgeball: Full Of The Nuts FRANCE: The Matrix: The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses SPAIN: The Dark Knight: Night Of The Knight (keep it simple, I say) PERU: Knocked Up: Slightly Pregnant ARGENTINA: Grease: Vaseline -<>- Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office - and found him with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair that is safe to use." -<>- I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old boat, a trailer and a motor from me. "Thanks," he said as he loaded them up. "I'm planning to resell them." Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he'd sold everything. "How did you manage that?" I marveled. "I took out an ad: 'Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.' When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor. He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage. Bought that, too." -<>- ./'. .'\. './ '. .' \.' _.--~~'--.._ './ '. .' \.' _..--'~~--._ .' ~~-._ './.'..'.\.' _.~~ `. .' ,;:::::;, ~-._ .--. _.~ ,;:::::;, `. '`. ,;.-' `-.:; \|~-._.-::::-._.-~;|/ ,;.-' `-.;, `. ' `. ;/ .--. \;' ' (::::::::) ` ,;/ .--. \:; .' ' ,;'`. ,;\ `--' /;, //; :::::::: ;\\ ;;\ `--' /;' .' : ' `._,;`-. ,;`-.__.-':;' \\; :::::: ;// ,;`-.__.-':;. '`;,_' `.,;'`. `;::::' )/" :::::: '\( `;:::::;'.'`;.' `.,;'`. .::::. .'`;.' `.,;'`. .'::::::. .-'`;.' `.,;'`-. .' :::::: `. .-'`;..' `-._,;`--.___ .' :::::: `. _.-'`;_.-' `-.____.-' `::::' `-.'___.-' .'.;;::::;, \.::./ .;;::::;,`. .',::.-""-.::. \ / ,::.-""-.::.`. / ;:: (_) :;; \/ .:: (_) ::; \ / ;:`-.__.-';; \ ;:`-.__.-';; \ `.`. `::::::::' .' ;::::::::' .'.' `.`._ .'. _.'.' jro `-.;-._______.-' `-._________.-;.-' A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book entitled "COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS." When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he answered 'no.' "Then why are you checking it out?" "Because," said the little boy confidently, "I just started collecting moths last week!" ======================================================================= >-->From The Jokester: . . ab c A88. .d8i A8MM8. ,AH8b , . AHV "8HV' `8. b . b dHH `v 8b m b Ab b 8b 888 ` "8. M 8: .cPNKPba.Hb 8D 88P "t YbdP ' .8P HHHa 88 "P )P .dP H" `b dP ` P' P" P Nb J ' ' YN. db ' 8P >Err, Um I Mean - Home Depot Scam... A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with skimpy T-shirts on. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen September 4th, 8th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 19th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also October 1st, 4th, 5th twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. -<>- 69696969 69696969 6969 696969 696969 6969 969 69 6969696 6969 6969 696 969 696969696 696969696969 696 969 69696969696 6969696969696 696 696 9696969696969 969696969696 969 696 696969696969 969696969 969 696 696 96969 _=_ 9696969 69 696 9696 969696 q(-_-)p 696969 6969 96969696 '_) (_` 69696969 96 /__/ \ 69 69 _(<_ / )_ 96 6969 (__\_\_|_/__) 9696 \mic >Just Say No Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join the sec. The Buddha Priest said, "We have special requirements for new ones. You must abstain from making love for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The Pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all." "Congratulations! Welcome to the sec!" said the priest. The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the sec!" said the priest. The Priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain for two weeks?" "No, we were not able to go for two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What Happened?" inquired the priest. "My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our sec," stated the Buddha Priest. "We know." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either." -<>- As the woman was instructing the new maid on the great care required in handling certain valuable household objects. She pointed to the dining room and said with great satisfaction, "That table goes back to Louis the Fourteenth." "Oh, that's nothing," the maid interjected. "My whole living- room set goes back to Sears the fifteenth." -<>- "What kind of music do you sing?" "Aqua-pella." "Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without instrumental accompaniment?" "Nope. I mean 'aqua-pella', singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head." -<>- () , O -. )', \'._.,-" c '-,_ o ) _,.c cc =[]L] /." ', c __.` -' \('---' '=.____ '-. O \ 0 , \|\_/) \-, |',T( 66,_ o ) '-" \\.___Y) ) ,-.Y _.G snd /-" /.' My friend called a Venetian-blind repairman to come pick up a faulty blind. The next morning, while the family was at breakfast, the doorbell rang. My friend's wife went to the door, and the man outside said, "I'm here for the Venetian blind." Excusing herself in a preoccupied way, the wife went to the kitchen, fished a dollar from the food money, pressed it into the repairman's hand, then gently closed the door and returned to the table. "Somebody collecting," she explained, pouring the coffee. -<>- Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?" I replied: "You really want to know?" Then I dropped out of the race. -<>- A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would Ya, huh? Would Ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot." ====================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >BY Richard Lederer: ___ / __'. .-"""-. .-""-| | '.'. / .---. \ / .--. \ \___\ \/ /____| | / / \ `-.-;-(`_)_____.-'._ ; ; `.-" "-:_,(o:==..`-. '. .-"-, | | / \ / `\ `. \ / .-. \ \ \ | Y __...\ \ \ / / \/ /\ | | | .--""--.| .-' \ '.`---' / \ \ / / |` \' _...--.; '---'` \ '-' / jgs /_..---.._ \ .'\\_ `. `--'` .' (_) `'/ (_) / `._ _.'| .' ``````` '-...--'` It's a matter of my opinion that Yule love the game we're about to play. In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an expression commonly used at Christmastide. Answers repose at the end of this column. 1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as _____ _____. 2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol, Scrooge was visited by the ghost of _____ _____. 3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a _____ _____. 4. What does Santa Claus do with his three gardens? _____, _____, _____ 5. What Christmas message is conveyed by these letters?: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. _____, _____ 6. When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are passing on _____ _____. 7. A holy man bereft of change could be called _____ _____. 8. When you cross a sheep with a cicada, you get a _____ _____. 9. A quiet medieval armor-wearer is a _____ _____. 10. A cat walking on the desert is bound to get _____ _____. 11. People who tell jokes on December 25 might be called _____ _____. 12. An airplane disaster in Israel is a _____. 13. Actor O'Connor and actress Channing are known on December 25 as _____ _____. 14. What do Spanish sheep says when they wish each other a Merry Christmas? _____ _____. Meretricious to all! And don't forget that There's No Plate Like Chrome for the Hollandaise. ____ .-" +' "-. __, ,___, /.'.'A_'*`.\ (--|__| _,,_ ,_ |:.*'/\-\. ':| _| |(_||_)|_)\/ |:.'.||"|.'*:| ( | | _/ \:~^~^~^~^:/ __, ,___, /`-....-'\ (--|__| _ |' _| _, , jgs / \ _| |(_)||(_|(_|\//_) `-.,____,.-' ( _/ Answers 1. Christmas Eve 2. Christmas Present 3. North Poll 4. Hoe, hoe, hoe. 5. Noel, Noel (no l, no l) 6. seasons' greetings. 7. St. Nickleless. 8. Bah! (or Baa!) Humbug! 9. silent knight 10. sandy claws 11. Christmas cards 12. cresh -<>- >Quotes from comedians in 1962: Bob Hope: I took one of those tours for tourists to the homes of famous Hollywood stars and discovered I’ve been living in the wrong house for two years. Jack Durant: I’ve been married 15 years and it seems just like yesterday. And you know what a lousy day yesterday was. Phil Silvers: I met a girl who looks like a million dollars—wrinkled and green. Carol Burnett: To succeed in the movies you have to look like Marilyn Monroe or Tony Curtis. Unfortunately, I look more like Tony Curtis. Victor Borge: I was born at home, but the minute my mother took a look at me she went right to the hospital. Milton Berle: When I was in Hollywood I made so many “B” pictures my dressing room was a hive. Henny Youngman: My wife went to a beauty parlor. Every woman who comes out of a beauty parlor nowadays looks like Jackie Kennedy. Not my wife. She came out looking like Lyndon Johnson. Simmy Bow: Definition of an adult Western: when a cowboy loves his horse, but he’s worried about it. Robert Q. Lewis: There’s only one thing wrong with those lush, curvy Italian actresses. Most of ‘em art in Italy. -<>- BlueRose Room o(=(=(=(=)=)=)=)o !!!!!!}!{!!!!!! ___ !!!!!} | {!!!!! / \ !!!!} | {!!!! _!_ () () _!_ | // | !!!' | '!!! |~@~| ||______________|| |~@~| | | ~@~----+----~@~ |___| | | |___| \___/ !!! | !!! | | ~@@~ | | _________ !!! | !!! ( ) |_______ _______| ( ) |____-____| !!!____|____!!! __(___)__ {__~@~__}{__~@~__} __(___)__ |____-____| !!!=========!!! |__-__| %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% |__-__| |____-____| _!!!_________!!!___|_____|_ %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% _|_____|___|____-____| | | %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% | | |/ \| %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% /!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lc!! `======~@~==========~@~======` `==============================` `====~@~==================~@~====` `==================================` `==~@~==========================~@~==` They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.” “But, madam!” replied the bellman. “Don’t ‘But madam’ me,” she continued. “You can’t treat us like we’re a couple of fools just because we don’t travel much, and we’ve never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I’m going to complain to the manager.” “Madam,” the bell man said, “this isn’t your room; this is the elevator!” -<>- _....._ /::::::.\ /xx::::::.\ |#xx|n|:xx| \##x/xxxx#/ | |\-.-.|\#/#####/ | . |.-,-/| /\__V_\'|B""""|\-.-|| :o. /_v_=\ \ \ /, |0| o,o|/ / /==o=|\ \ \|o.- |0|_.O-- |||\_|=_=/]/ ||o.o|| \[\_v_|.-'\.' |(_)=)-=== \]=-=|/ | @ \-' \ '=: \V| m|--e-+------ |=O==| '._|=._\| |\_\_v_E)| '/\ '/==..__ / |//'. | |=>o<=| |-\"\ /-=/ '. | './-\_/-\ |_o| '.___.' _/._/ |-|_ _|._/ \_.| \_/\ /:__o| |o_:\ /:_o| |o_:. /:_o| l42 The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the Health Inspector didn’t already have enough fuel for his citation writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. “That’s nothing,” said the manager, “you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!” -<>- _____ (((\\\\\ )_ \\\| / \/ = , & \(__- \ (( _ |` /\)))| ` |_| \__| \ | , \ \ | ,\ \ \ ' / \_ ` \ `__/ ._ | ` \ ejm / `-| | |` / ,`. \_____| |/\ / / `. ` |__| | === / / ==== `./ /, /========= / / / / |, /__ /== / ///' ======== __-' | / , ' - -- === ==( , ============== \ \ ========= ===== \ \===== \ \ ===== \ \ ============== \__ \ == / ` == ============== _/ / ======= '__ ' Cary told my husband that she was going away from work, as she was not feeling well my husband himself who was not too well, wished her well and hoped that it was not something that he had given her. A fellow worker piped up “I hope not, she has morning sickness!” -<>- A boxer swiped the air furiously, but could not hit his opponent. “How am I doing?” he asked his second at the end of the round. “Well, if you keep this up, he might feel the draught and catch a cold.” -<>- Bean Pole I was checking out at the busy Super Market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, “That’s a nice round figure.” Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, “You’re no bean pole yourself.” ======================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Welcome to--> John Paul`s Homepages http://www.geocities.com/jpw1936/index.html Hand Painting Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint.html Wall Mural Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart.html Hero Dog http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2151688/hero_dog_tries_to_help_wounded_dog/ Almost Always - (SMILES) http://www.coolcards.co.uk/acatalog/thinking_not-always.jpg Fly Guy http://www.trevorvanmeter.com/flyguy/flyGuy.swf Free Tech Books http://www.freetechbooks.com/ -<>- >From TheMouth: Simon Sez Santa Tell ol' Santa what you want him to do, chances are he will do it. But be careful what you ask for! http://www.simonsezsanta.com/ Hip Hop Gram Send free hip hop greeting cards online, where the rapper actually says the name of the person you are sending the ecard to. http://www.hiphopgrams.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Love Is The Music http://silverandgoldandthee.com/loveandromance/LoveIsThe.html John w/ Christmas Country Style http://heavens-gates.com/countrychristmas/ God Rest You Merry Gentlemen by Randy Travis http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML3/GodRest-RT.html John w/ The Christmas Song (Alvin & The Chipmunks) http://heavens-gates.com/fifties/christmassong.html Melva/A Christmas Greeting http://silverandgoldandthee.net/C/Ch_G.html Greetings! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greetings.html New Office Policy (smiles) http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/office.html Home Made Wreath's http://WhipIt.net/ Paper Flower Ornaments http://howaboutorange.blogspot.com/2008/12/paper-flower-ornaments.html We Book http://www.webook.com/ Deano http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdjdh.htm Decoy http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsjs.htm Deep Tissue massage http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsgs.htm Deer Hunting With a Bird http://www.buffaloschips.com/hsjk.htm Deer Jumps Over Bike http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdhd.htm Cathy http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21093.htm Here! Calvin And Hobbies http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21092.htm Here! Boxes http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21091.htm Here! If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The greater a man is in power above others, the more he ought to excel them in virtue. None ought to govern who is not better than the governed." --Publius Syrus "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." --Darius Denning "This is not art to me, all these squares and things. Real art has, you know, like a madonna in it." --Unknown (from a guest book at an exhibition of modern art) "You folks seem like you're in the holiday spirit...did you just come from a Walmart stampede?" -David Letterman "The economy's so bad, airlines are now charging $15 for every bag under your eyes." - Jay Leno "When Vice President-elect Joe Biden takes office next month, he's going to have a German shepherd puppy. That's good to know because his dog will stand by in case Barack Obama's dog becomes incapacitated." -Jimmy Kimmel "'The Day the Earth Stood Still' opens today. It's about an alien who comes to Earth looking for bailout money." -David Letterman "Illinois Sen. Rod Blagojevich was arrested yesterday for trying to sell a seat in the Illinois Senate. He could wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder." - Conan O'Brien "Barack Obama has said he will use his full name when he is sworn in: Barack Hussein Obama. In a show of support, Joe Biden said he would use his full name: Joseph Adolf Fidel Puppy Killer Biden." - Craig Ferguson "The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking." - Louis Vermeil "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff." - Frank Zappa "I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." - Robert Orben M E R R Y Ribbit! C H R I S T M A S ! _..------.._ / .-" ". .' \ ' .''. / / \ '..' '. \/ /---.----.--.---.-( \ '.()o { } | ____ "" {____.-._____.-.____}\ | ____ / `"=._ _/ (o ) (o ) \_ `\ |_ _.="` \ | "=. /' '-'_,-,_'-' `\ / \ .=" | | ". ". | '. _."_.-._"._ .' |\__/" ." | ". ". ". \ `"-.~._^_.~.-"` / ." ." ." ". ". ". `--._ `-.~.-` _.--` ." ." ." "=._ ". "=./ `._ _.` \.=" ." _.=" "=._ "._ / `"""""` \ _." _.=" "=. "-. : : .-" .=" ". "| Y Y |" ." _.="` _\ \ / /_ `"=._ _.-"""``""` _.-"`__\ \-.____.-/ /__`"-._ `""``"""-._ .-'.-' _.-'_.-"`jgs.' .' .'\ \ / /'. '._'. `"-._'-._'-.'-. `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` `"` ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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