HAPPY 4th OF JULY! >-->Hot off the Shangy Press... To celebrate the Holiday, we had Steve send us a wonderful email that inspired me to make this page up... .-"""""""-. .' __ \_ / / \/ \ | \_0/\_0/______ |:. .' oo`\ |:. / \ |' ; | | |:.. . \_______ | |::.|' , \,_____\ / |:::.; ' | . '| ====)_/===;===========;() |::; | | ; ; | | # # # #:::::: /::::.|-| |_|-|, \ # # # #:::::: /'-=-'` '-' '--'\ # # # #:::::: jgs / \ # # # #:::::: # # # # # # # H A P P Y # # # # # # # # # # # # # # F O U R T H O F J U L Y # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # July 4th: Freedom Isn't Free http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/freedom.html -- THANKS STEVE! -- -<>- >From Our Friend Maggie :) _ (_) <___> | |______ H A P P Y | |* * * ) | | * * (_________ J U L Y 4 T H! | |* * * |* *|####) | | * * *| * | (________________ | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | | * * *| * | | | | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | |~~~~~~| * | | | | |######|* *|####|##############| | | |~~~' | | | |######|########|##############| | | | | | | |######|########|##############| | |~~~~~~| | | | | |########|##############| | | '~~~~~~~~| | | | |##########JGS#| | | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | God Bless our Military who are protecting our Country for our freedom. Thanks to them, and their sacrifices we can celebrate the 4th of July! --- ...That is so True! Thanks Maggie! -<>- >From Our Friend Becky :) Let's send this one off to others. KEEP THIS ONE GOING!! PLEASE I watched the flag pass by one day, .:::. ':::' .: .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.: :. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.: :. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: jgs .: .: It fluttered in the breeze. A young Marine saluted it, And then he stood at ease.. I looked at him in uniform So young, so tall, so proud, With hair cut square and eyes alert He'd stand out in any crowd. I thought how many men like him Had fallen through the years. How many died on foreign soil How many mothers' tears? How many pilots' planes shot down? How many died at sea How many foxholes were soldiers' graves? No, freedom isn't free. I heard the sound of Taps one night, When everything was still, I listened to the bugler play And felt a sudden chill. I wondered just how many times That Taps had meant "Amen," When a flag had draped a coffin. Of a brother or a friend. I thought of all the children, Of the mothers and the wives, Of fathers, sons and husbands With interrupted lives. I thought about a graveyard At the bottom of the sea Of unmarked graves in Arlington. No, freedom isn't free. Enjoy Your Freedom & God Bless Our Troops! Show Your Support Send This Page Along Today When you receive this, please stop for a moment and Say a prayer for our servicemen. There is nothing attached... This can be very powerful.... Just send this to all you know.... Do not stop the wheel, please.... Of all the gifts you could give a U.S. Soldier, Prayer is the very best one. --- ...AMAN! Thanks Becky! -<>- >From Linky & Dinky... "To all whom this may concern, I would personally like to thank all of those who have recently contributed their time and efforts in what I believe to be an awe-inspiring and frankly quite dramatic display of support from the home-front. The correspondence and care packages have been coming in at an overwhelming and nearly monumental pace. The "Any Soldier" campaign has seen tears from some, given hope to most, and has been inspirational to us all. Your relentless support has provided the simple reminder that any one of us would proudly die for a grateful nation in our ongoing fight against terrorism." "Freedom is not Free" Sergeant Brian Horn Iraq, Nov 2003 http://anysoldier.com/ -<>- >SMILES From JibJab: It is with great pride that we announce our latest JibJab featuring the US Presidents singing the Star Spangled Banner: http://www.jibjab.com/originals/star_spangled It's not a typical "skewer them alive" kind of JibJab, but rather our own mini-celebration of the greatest @#$% country in the history of human civilization. We hope you enjoy it. –Team JibJab ====================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: How To Write A Paper 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double- spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him. 5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate. 8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. 9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper. 10. Listen to the other side. 11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order. ___, _.-'` __|__ 12. Phone your friend on the other floor .' ,-:` \;',`'-, and ask if he's started writing yet. / .'-;_,; ':-;_,'. Exchange derogatory remarks about your / /; '/ , _`.-\ teacher, the course, the university, the | | '`. (` /` ` \`| world at large. | |:. `\`-. \_ / | | | ( `, .`\ ;'| 13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair \ \ | .' `-'/ in a clean, well lighted place with plenty \ `. ;/ .' of freshly sharpened pencils. '._ `'-._____.-'` `-.____| 14. Read over the assignment again; roll _____|_____ the words across your tongue; savor its jgs /___________\ special flavor. 15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: \ / a) Pro Bowler's Tour \/ .===============. b) any movie starring Don Ameche. | .-----------. | | | / \ | | | | | ^.^ | | | 16. Catch the last hour of soul Brother | | \ - / | | of Kung Fu on channel 26. | '-----------'o| |===============| 17. Phone your friend on the third floor jgs |###############| to see if he was watching. Discuss the '===============' finer points of the plot. 18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror. 19. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. 20. Sit down and do some serious thing about your /|~|\ plans for the future. / |=| \ / | | \ 21. Open your door and check to see if there are | | | | any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking | | | | in the hall. | | | | | |=| | 22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a | //A\\ | clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly | /// \\\ | sharpened pencils. |/// \\\| ` ` 23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it. | 24. Scoot your chair across \ / the room to the window and .-'-. watch the -- / \ -- sunrise. `~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^-=======-~^~^~^~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~` `~^_~^~^~-~^_~^~^_~-=========- -~^~^~^-~^~^_~^~^~^~` 25. Lie face `~^~-~~^~^~-^~^_~^~~ -=====- ~^~^~-~^~_~^~^~~^~-~^~` down on the `jgs^~-~^~~^~-~^~~-~^~^~-~^~~^-~^~^~^-~^~^~^~^~~^~-` floor and moan. 26. Leap up and write the paper. 27. Type the paper. 28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write the darn paper. ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) >"PRAY , AIM HIGH, AND STAY FOCUSED"! There once was a man who`s family had noyhing to Eat. He had an old rifle and only `three` bullets. He decided that he should go out hunting, and just Maybe, he could kill some wild game for them to Eat. As he went out into the woods, He saw a rabbit. _ (\\ \|| __(_"; / \ {}___)\)_ vwc He shot at the rabbit and missed. The rabbit ran away. )" . / \ (\-./ / | _/ o. \ | | .-" y)- | |/ _/ \ \ /j _".\(@) \ ( | `.'' ) [nabis] \ _`- | / " `-._ <_ ( `-.,),) Then he saw a squirrel and fired another shot. Missed it. The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cottonwood Tree. As he went further, .--. /} p \ /} `~)-) / /` } ( / / /`}.' } / / .-'""-. / ' }-'} / (.' \/ '.'}_.} | `} .}._} | .-=-'; } ' }_.} \ `.-=-;' } '.}.-} '. -=-' ;,}._.} `-,_ __.'` '-._} jgs `||| .=='=, He saw a large wild "Tom" turkey in a tree, But having only one bullet remaining, He hesitated. Just then he heard a voice! The voice said, "PRAY FIRST, AIM HIGH, AND STAY FOCUSED"! All at the same time, __.------~~~-. ,'/ `\ " \ ,..__ | ,_ `\_, >/|/ ~~\||`\(`~,~' | `\ /'| \_; " " " unknown He saw a deer, a better kill. He brought the gun down, and aimed at the deer. _.--.... _....---;:'::' ^__/ .' `'`___....---=-'` /::' (` \' `:. `\::. ';-"":::-._ {} _.--'`\:' .'`-.`'`.' `{I} .-' `' .;;`\::. '. _: {-I}`\ .' .:. `:: _)::: _;' `{=I}.:| /. ::::`":::` ':'.-'`':. {_I}::/ |:. ':' ::::: .':'`:. `'|':|:' \: .:. ''' .:| .:, _:./':.| jgs '--.:::...---'\:'.:`':`':./ '-::..:::-' But, then he saw a rattlesnake between his legs about To bite him, So he naturally brought the gun down further to shoot The rattlesnake. Once again, the voice said again to him, "I SAID, PRAY, AIM HIGH,AND STAY FOCUSED"!! So, the man decided to listen to GOD`S Voice. He prayed . Then aimed the gun high up in the tree, And shot the wild turkey. The bullet bounced after killing the turkey, And struck the deer, Killing It. At the same time, The handle fell off the gun, Hit the snake in the head, Killed it. When the gun had gone off, The force of the explosion, Knocked the man into the pond behind him. When he stood up and look around to see what Happened, He discovered he had several fish in all his clothes and Pockets. A dead turkey, A dead deer, Several fish,, For his family to eat. THE MORAL: The snake (Old Satan) was dead. Simply, because the man listened to GOD. Pray first, Before you do anything! Aim and shoot high in your goals! Stay focused on GOD! Never let others discourage you about your, Or concerning your past. (Remember-- The past is exactly that, "the past"). Live every day --- one day at a time, And know that only GOD knows our future, And what He has in store for us. Do not look to man for your blessings, You will loose! All you need to do is Look to the many doors that only GOD has Prepared (in advance for you) Just in your favor. Now, Wait, Be still, Be patient Always keeping God first, And everything else will follow along. FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER Always~~~~~~~John-Paul --- ...Loved it! Thanks John-Paul! ================================================================= >-->From Scream Of The Crop: Jose & Carlos were panhandling on the streets of Chicago. Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and apparently has a lot of money to spend. Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Seeing the disparity between their life styles, Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase ____ .---[[__]]----. ;-------------.| | $ || | $ $ $ || | $ $ || jgs |_____________|/ full of $10 bills every day. Jose points out, "Look at your sign. It says: I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support." Look at my sign, says Jose, so Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico." -<>- * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. * Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. * The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. * To write with a broken pencil is pointless. * When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. * A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. * A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. * Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. -<>- _ (,) _/ .--"_"--. ." |I| ". / |I| \ / |I| \ ; |I| ; | _ '"' _ | WAY TO GO /| |\\_,...,_//| |\ ID-A-HO! / | |-" 0 0 "-| | \ (//| / \ |\\) ^ \ | _..._ | / ^ '| .' '. |' \ | () () | / jgs / '.`. .'.' \ /' / `\`"""`/` \ `\ (/ / `"""` \ \) ^` `^ "FRIENDS" VS. "SOUTHERN" FRIENDS FRIENDS: Never ask for food. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food. And lots of it. FRIENDS: Will say "hello". SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss. More than one. FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad, and often. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you. And for you. FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together. Then do the dishes before leaving. FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And most of the time, know you better than you do yourself. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you. Then walk beside you in the front of the crowd. FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm here!" If you are not home they will wait. FRIENDS: Are for a while. SOUTHREN FRIENDS: Are for life. And then some. FRIENDS: Might ignore this. SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will forward this to all their Southern Friends! -<>- >George Carlin's Views on Aging ___ _.-' ```'--.._ .' `-._ / `. / `. / `. : ( \ | ( \_ ) `. | \__/ '. / ) ; | (___: \ _/__/ ; : | _ ; .' |__) : : |` \ | / / / \ |_ ;| /`\ / / \ ; ) :| ;_ ; / / \_ .-''-. | ) :/ / .- ` .--.' / : _.----._ ` < : -'........'- `. `. `''''` ; `'-.__ ,' ``--. :'-------' jgs : : .' '. Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key/ You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" --- /| , ,/// /| // // ,/// // // // // // // || || || || // // || || // // || || // // || || || || \\,\|,|\_// \\)\)\\|/ )-."" .-( //^\` `/^\\ // | | \\ ,/_| 0| _ | 0|_\, /` `"=.v.="` `\ /` _."{_,_}"._ `\ jgs `/` ` \ ||| / ` `\` `",_ \\=^~^=// _,"` "=,\'-=-'/,=" '---' ...OR we count them in DAYS like our Friend Steve did on his Day :) Today [June 26] I am 24,106 days old. A few years back I began counting my age not in years, but days. The day is the natural cycle of our lives. The cycle of light and dark, wakefulness and sleep, has more significance than the cycle of the seasons. Indeed, in equatorial latitudes, you hardly notice the passing of the seasons. The day is what counts. Each day is a complete unit in itself. At the end of each day I can look back and take stock. How have I been? What have I learnt? What can I be grateful for? I can hold a day's experience in mind quite easily. Trying to go back and take stock of a whole year is much harder. Numerous incidents and discoveries are inevitably forgotten. I also find it far more meaningful to think that I have lived through over twenty thousand days this life, rather than 66 years. And it reframes the future. I have -- probably -- thousands of days still to come. Thousands of new days to discover, enjoy and learn from. --- ...HAPPY DAY to Steve and All reading this! =================================================================== >-->Et-Ahems From The Jokester: /\\ //\ \ ||="=|| / /` | | `\ / .-'\| |/'-. \ / \ / \ =\ Y /= `-._ '---' _.-' jgs `"""""` Chipmunks Three guys were out in the woods bear hunting. One of the guys says "I am going to sit by this tree". Knowing the first guy was new to hunting, the other two guys say to him, "Whatever happens, don't say a single word". So the man sitting by the tree agrees with the other two so they start walking somewhere else to sit. Then just as they were about to sit down, they hear the other guy scream. They run back to the man that they left behind. When they get there the man is still sitting by the tree. Confused, the two men said, "Why did you scream? We told you not to say anything no matter what happened." The guy looks the other two right in the eyes and says, "When that snake crawled over my legs, I didn't scream. When that bear growled right in my face, I didn't scream. But I could hold it no longer when them two chipmunks crawled up my pantlegs and said to each other, "Do we eat here or take them to go?" -<>- The Sick Skunk A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us and get it warm, and let it go in the morning?" He says, "O.K., get in the car with it." "Where shall I put it to get it warm?" He says, "Put it in between your legs, it's nice and warm there." "But what about the smell?" "Just hold its nose." -<>- >WARNING - - - July 28th! Please read this carefully! I don't want this to happen to you! Don't go to the bathroom on JULY 28th. CIA Terror intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the butt by an alligator. .--. .--. / \/ \ | .-. .-. \ |/_ |/_ | \ || `\|| `\| `----. |\0_/ \0_/ --, \_ .--"""""-. / (` \ `-. / \-----'-. \ \ \ () () /`\ \ | .___.-' | \ \ /` \| / ; `-.___ ___.' .-.`.---.| \ \| ``-..___,.-'`\| / / / | `\ ` \| ,`/ / / , / ` |\ / / |\/ , .'`-; ' \/ , |\-' .' , .-'` .-|\--;`` .-' |\.' ( `"'-.|\ (___,.--'`' `-. `"` _.--' `. _.-'`-. `''---''`` jgs `. Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business. I usually don't send emails like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who is a drug dealer who sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building. He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked. .:\:/:. .:\:\:/:/:. :.:\:\:/:/:.: :=.' - - '.=: '=(\ 9 9 /)=' ( (_) ) /`-vvv-'\ / \ / /|,,,,,|\ \ /_// /^\ \\_\ WW( ( ) )WW __\,,\ /,,/__ jgs (______Y______) So it must be true. ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Steve :) >AN Et-AHEM! ( )___( ) /__oo \ ( \/ ) | `=/ | / \ / / \ \ / ( \ \ ( ,_/_ \ \ \_ '= \ ) ""' / / ; / /'? : (((( / ctr `._ \ _ ( __| | /_ ("__,.."'_._.) Three Holy Men and a Bear A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus." The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start." -<>- 11 THINGS YOU WON'T LEARN IN SCHOOL RULE 1 Life is not fair - get used to it. RULE 2 The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. RULE 3 You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with car phone, until you earn both. RULE 4 If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. RULE 5 Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping they called it Opportunity. RULE 6 If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. RULE 7 Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room. RULE 8 Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. RULE 9 Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. RULE 10 Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. RULE 11 Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. --- ...Yeah. Teehee! Thanks Steve! =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bob :) The Good Husband _.,_ ,-'.' .`-, ;; '. ' `. ;` - _ _,-; ' ; `. ,% .-, - *click* ,_.,-'` ';; ; : ;%' | | \ ___ _._,-`'\ `'-`' _.,' `. ) __,--`-,,`' ,._,.-`-., _.,-.--.-,`''` | _| |__ `---'////\ / .-, `-`-^--`'^`-...,,| | |.,/ //\)(/ `-\.-. | `-' ( .-; | | ,. `-~ ~~-. `._.' ,/ / `~ ~~~ ~~ /,.`) // / mic /_ `/ ( `/ `-' Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner onight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!" Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirins $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time. _ _ / \ / \ _|_0/-\0_|_ / " \ \'-._____.-'/ .--.'._ _.'.--. | \/ \/ | | / \ | ___\ / / \ \ /___ \__ ( \__ __/ ) __/ /__ |\ _/_ /| __\ jgs |_/ /_/\_\ /_/\_\ \_| PRICELESS --- ...You got that right! Thanks Bob! ====================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: Andy Says... Just Think About This! The two greatest things in the world are women and cellophane tape. ============== An object in motion will always be moving in the wrong direction. ============== There is something wrong if you're always right. ============== Some is good; more is better; too much is just right. ============== Life is a do-it-yourself project. ============== Good parking places are always on the other side of the street. ============== Consistancy isn't always good especially if you're consistently wrong. ============== Whenever you need something you can't find it, if you don't need it it's all over. ============== It isn't the principle of the thing, it's the money. ============== When you have a pain someplace, everyone will hit you on that spot. ============== When you try to be sophisticated something will happen to make you look bad. ============== Never remember what you can afford to forget. ============== Air driers in public washrooms will shut off just as they get warm enough to do any good. ============== Never say never, and always avoid always. ============== The right thing to say comes to mind after you've said the wrong thing. ============== If it's good they will stop making it. ====================================================== Grammar 101 An English teacher at Michigan State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors on her students' written work. She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?" "Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state. After a slight pause the student tried again ... "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter? ... ???" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Life's Toughest Time "I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Information Please From Aiken! "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." +++++++++++++++++++++++ Just Another Thoughtful Wife ______ /( )\ \ \ / / \/[]\/ /\ | | | | | | | | | | \ / ejm \/ At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'" +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Wellll, I'm Only A Tourist A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster..." ++++++++++++++++++++ Grumpy Old Pals Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up. "Brad, are you up yet?" asks Mike. Brad sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee." "Brad. open the newspaper to page 31." "Why, what's in the paper?" "Brad, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!" "Ok, Ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in page 31?" "Brad, open the paper to page 31 already!" "All right, don't be such a pain so early in the morning already. So, what's on page 31 that's so important?" "Brad, look at the bottom of column 4." "Why? What's that story on?" "Brad, read the story on the bottom of the column already!" "OK, OK, I'll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!" The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues. Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks, "So Mike, where are you calling me from right now?" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Digging Up The Past German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fiber net. Irish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHAT ARE MEN REALLY LIKE? (Really, for Sure... This Is Just a Joke, Isn't It???) **Men are like.....Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. **Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY. **Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long. **Men are like.....Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory. **Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature. **Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. **Men are like.....Lava lamps. _____ | | |_____| | _ | | ( ) | | ` | | | | _ | | ( ) | | )\ | | ( )| |,-'(_| |-----| | | | | atc |_____|--._ .-._) (__ `-|E Fun to look at, but not all that bright. **Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. **Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. **Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them. ================================================================ >-->FUN PLaces to Net Visit :) >From LynnLynn's Links: Cat Feeding Puppies http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112465.htm Funny pictures http://www.funnyfreepics.com/ FREE Christian Sheet Music http://www.freesheetmusicguide.com/christian.htm Learn what day you were born on http://www.maxxmktg.com/birthday.html Name That Star http://d21c.com/bgold5/stargame.html Mob Gangland http://www.ganglandnews.com/ Innkeeper Recipes http://www.bbonline.com/recipe/index.html Mills and Water Power - An Introduction http://www.osv.org/education/WaterPower/index.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope ... and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. -- Robert F. 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