HAPPY Columbus Day ... :) Shangy! >-->If You Haven't Joined Our Group Yet... What Are You Waiting For? >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The Shangy News: >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press... This comes from our friend Steve - he came across more cuties in costume and made it available for a new page - Tricks For Treats 2! , ^'^ _ ) (_) ^'^ _/\_ .---------. (( ^'^ (('> )`'`'`'`'`( || ^'^ _ /^| /`'`'`'`'`'`\|| ^'^ =>--/__|m--- /`'`'`'`'`'`'`\| ^^ ,,,,,,, /`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`\ , .-------.`|`````````````|` . ) / .^. .^. \| ,^^, ,^^, | / \ (( / |_| |_| \ |__| |__| | /,-,\|| _ /_____________\ |")| | | |/ |_| \| (") | __ __ | '==' '==' /_______\ _ (' ') | / \ / \ | _______ |,^, ,^,| (") \ \ | |--| |--| | ((--.--)) ||_| |_|| (' ') _ ^^^ _ | |__| |("| | || | || |,-, ,-,| / / ,' ', ,' ', | | || | || ||_| |_|| ^^^ .,,|RIP|,.|RIP|,.,,'==========='==''=='==''=='=======',,....,,ldb View this adorable one here: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/tricksfortreats2.html Tricks For Treats 2 -<>- >Also From Our Friend Steve :) He has sent us some wonderful additions for our Group Photo Album - you can view them here: Photos From Steve: http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/photos/browse/7c21 Photos --- ...Thanks Steve - You're great! -<>- I've been working on the BibleStudy Lessons over the weekend. Many relate to each other and are part of a series. When I have them all done you will have access to all of them together to pick and choose from as you wish. In the mean time, here is another one available for you to preview... _______ / /_ / -/- / / / / / / /_______/ / jgs ((______| / `"""""""` BibleStudy: Biblical Rersearch http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/biblicalresearch.html Biblical Research And here is our first one again in case you missed it: BibleStudy: Abraham http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/abraham.html Abraham If you have any comments or suggestions for changes to the page, please let me know as I will be doing up a couple dozen of these teachings using this style and format. Thanks :) =================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: The Two Gas Men (IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII) )'.'.'.':;:;:'.'.'.'( Two gas company servicemen, a senior ('.'.'.;' | `:.'.'.') training supervisor and a young trainee, )'.'.';' | `:'.'.'( were out checking meters in a suburban ('.'.;' | `:.'.') neighborhood. They parked their truck )'.';'____|____`:'.'( at the end of the alley and worked (==@' | `@==) their way to the other end. )'.: @() :.'( ('.'. ()@() .'.') At the last house a woman looking out )'.'. ()@()@) .'.'( her kitchen window watched the two men ('.'. _\|/_ .'.') as they checked her gas meter. )'.'. |-----| .'.'( ('.'.___\___/___.'.') Finishing the meter check, the jgs )'.'============='.'( senior supervisor challenged his ('.' '.') younger coworker to a foot race ~ ~ down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. _ _|=|__________ As they came running up to the / \ truck, they realized the lady from / \ that last house was huffing and /__________________\ puffing right behind them. They || || /--\ || || stopped and asked her what was ||[]|| | .| ||[]|| wrong. ()||__||_|__|_||__||() ( )|-|-|-|====|-|-|-|( ) Gasping for breath, she replied, jgs^^^^^^^^^^====^^^^^^^^^^^ "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!" ====================================================================== +--------------------- Bizarre American -------------------+ CITIES Hornyhead Branch, Alabama Blue Ball, Delaware Santa Claus, Georgia Gay Head, Massachusetts Hoop and Hollar, Texas Intercourse, Pennsylvania Big Ugly, West Virginia Jackass Acres, Arizona Bitch Mountain, New York Idiotville, Oregon Hell, Michigan Cumback, Indiana ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Betty: /\ __ \ .-':::. \ :::::|\ |,\:::'/ \ `.:::-' \ `-. \ ___ `-. | .-'';:::. `-.-' / ',''.;;;\ | ','','.''| |\ ' ,',' /' `.`-.___.-;' `--._.-' AsH Visit unclebens.com, sign Ben's Journal here: http://unclebens.com/journal and raise money for needy kids. For each person who "signs", Uncle Benny will donate one dollar to America's Second Harvest Kids Cafe program. (It only takes a few seconds to sign up, and it's WAY worth it!) --- ...Thanks Betty! Also click to donate for free here to help the Hungry: http://www.thehungersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1 Don't forget to click on the other ones - like Animal Rescue - too! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Pat :) This is really creepy! Think of a letter between A and W. Repeat it Out loud as You scroll down. Keep going . . . Don't stop . .. NOW Think of an Animal That begins With that letter. Repeat it Out loud As you Scroll down. Think of either a man's/woman's name That begins with the LAST letter In the animals name Almost there...... .. Now Count out The letters In that name On the fingers Of the hand You are NOT Using to Scroll down. Take the Hand you FIRST counted with And hold it out In front of you At face level. Look at your palm Very closely And Notice the lines In your hand. Do the lines Take the Form of the First letter In the Persons name??? Of course not....... Now TAKE THAT HAND AND smack Yourself in the head, get a life, And Quit playing Stupid e-mail games!!! Don't Tell the secret To others, Just send Them this e-mail!!! Smile & have A great day! OH, by-the-way Gotcha!!!!!! --- ...TeeHee! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Fig :) ,88888,,88888, ,88' '888' '88, 88' 88 88 '88 88, 88 88 ,88 '88, ,888, ,88' '88888''88888' 8 8 888 888 8 8 jgs >God loves blondes A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins. She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lottery night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself.... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket." --- ...Good one Fig! Thanks - and here comes some more :) ================================================================= >-->A Joke A Day Keeps The Teacher Away - or Something Like that: ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo. -<@@>- A dumb blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "OH, NO!" exclaimed the blonde. But Saint Peter said not to worry, because he would make it an easy test. "Who was God's son?" asked Saint Peter. The dumb blonde thought for a few minutes and replied, "Andy." "Andy? That's interesting. What made you say that?" inquired Saint Peter. Then the blonde started to sing, "Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me..." -<,,>- There was a young blonde woman driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she finally turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The first blonde stopped her car, jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo! It's dumb blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I would come out there and give you what's coming to you!" -<..>- A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead, ask me. I know all of them." A red head said, "Okay, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy ... ' W '." -<-->- An unfortunate blonde left her car out in a nasty hail storm. When the storm was over, she checked the car and found out that it was covered with small dents. She went to the local garage and inquired about how to fix the problem. The mechanic jokingly told her to blow on the tailpipe and the dents would be removed. So, she took the car home parked it and proceeded to blow on the pipe. Another blonde came by and inquired about what she was doing. The first blonde said that she was blowing on the tailpipe to remove the dents. The other blonde responded, "You silly! That's not going to work! You have to roll up the windows first!" -<**>- . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) This'll Get Ya... `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` Two blonde men were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde guy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!" The second blonde guy got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON! The nails that are pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!" -<^^>- A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out, "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room, she told the painter that she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing. In the third room, she said that she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blonde men laying sod across the street." ================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Grassfire: GOP Dark Horse? Healthcare for Illegals? Please take a moment to read my Grassfire Report, prepared for our key Grassfire team members. In this issue, I size up the race for G.O.P. Dark Horse. Go here: http://www.firesociety.com/blog/100/18334/?src=111 Thank you so much for the stand you are taking with Grassfire! - PASS THIS ON PLEASE - Steve Elliott, President Grassfire.org -<>- >From BizarreNews: _ _ | )/ ) Man burns house in effort \\ |//,' __ (")(_)-"()))=- (\\ to kill wasps Stef GREENSBORO, N.C. - A North Carolina man accidentally set his house on fire while trying to remove a wasp nest. The Greensboro Fire Department reports Hugh Williams first tried to get rid of a wasp nest in the ground next to his home by pouring insecticide into it, The Greensboro News- Record reported Monday. When that didn't work, Fire Marshall David Douglas says Williams placed a paper bag inside the nest and set it on fire. The flames shot out of the ground and up an outside wall of Williams' house right into the attic, the newspaper reports. It took fire- fighters 30 minutes to extinguish the blaze which caused $80,000 damage and left the house uninhabitable. ______________________________ \._:_:__:_:_:__:____:_ _ _\\PG| :\`.;-._: : : :_,-/ . \ \\\| `_\'`. '`-._:.-' \ \_(#)_/ /\\| ;_\ ,`./ / >==/|\==< \| "`. \ ,'`./ -' /(-+-)\ \ __`,~\ .' \ \|/ | `_.-\'_ _,,,---"""""' .-'`.,' ,' Black widow hitches ride to Britain ,' STRENSHAM, England - A British mechanic at a firm that imports classic cars from the United States discovered a dangerous stowaway in an aging Cadillac -- a black widow spider. Adam Morrison-Thomas said he spotted the arachnid in the center of a 12-inch web in the passenger seat of a gold 1965 Cadillac Sedan de Ville that had been shipped from Arizona, The Daily Mail reported Monday. "I closed the door very quickly but I wasn't sure if it was poisonous so I decided to catch it," Morrison-Thomas told the newspaper. "I got a piece of wood and sort of pushed it into a sandwich box. It was a big shock to find out it was a black widow. I'm not sure I would have been quite so brave if I had known exactly what it was." The mechanic passed the spider on to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, which gave the animal to Stratford Butterfly Farm, where it is on display in a double cage with alarmed glass, five locks and a panic button, The Daily Mail said. --------- Woman fired for too much perfume ----------- NEW YORK - A New York woman says she lost her job at a Long Island, N.Y., customer service center for wearing too much perfume. Jorinda Sullivan, 24, claims the firing was race-based and filed complaints with the New York Division of Human Rights, as well as the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. She is suing her former employer, Mindpearl, for $1 million for racial discrimination in federal court in New York. Sullivan received customer complaints regarding her perfume. Questions arose over her choice of soap, shampoo and deodorant as well, The New York Post said. She lost her job in February after she received three complaints against her in one week, her boss said. The CEO of Mindpearl, Vincent Gaines, denied wrongdoing. _,' , \._.--'" . _.'^`._ |. . ""-"---"" |\.-' `-,-^`._ |. .. . /|-._ _.-'" `-,-^`._ ; |. - i _.'"-:;`-._|-._ _.-'" `-,-^`._ i - - |\.-' _ () `-:;|:::`-._|-._ _.-"-,-'" . `-./| |`._ . _.-|::::;:-"-;-' . "`-./| _.'| - _ |:::`-./|_.-'_.-"-;-' . "`-./| _.'|\.-' | |:::::::|\.-' "`-./| _.'|\.-' | | _.- |-:;::::|`._ i _.'|\.-' | | _.-| `- |:::`-:;|:::`-./|\.-' | | _.-|_.-' | .- |:::::::|:::::::| | _.-|_.-'_.-; | -. .- |::.::::i-:;::::| _.-|_.-' |_.-' | ; .-|;:;::::t:::`-:;|_.-' | _.-| ; .-| . |:::`-:;z::.::::| |_.-' : : , ' ; . -. ;:::::::|-:;::::| _.-| ; . -. | .-' ----------- Toddler survives 100-foot fall ------------- LONDON - A British toddler who fell from a window seven stories up landed on wire mesh on a scaffold, surviving with bruises and a possible broken leg. The 2-year-old, identified only as Alisha, lives with her parents and older sister in an apartment block in the London neighbor- hood of Battersea. She plunged form the window Saturday night, The Daily Mail reported. The girl's fall was broken by the scaffold about 100 feet below the window. She also missed metal poles. "I'm still in shock," Sharon Burton, another resident of the building, said. "I don't know how she fell that far and survived. It's a miracle." Burton said she wrapped the little girl in a blanket to keep her warm and tried to keep her awake. "It was such a relief when the paramedics arrived," she said. ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Steve :) >Dusty Underware: . * . . . . (*.) . * . . ( .(.. ) ) . .( (..* ).*) . ( * . ). .) . . ( (. *.) . . . * .* . Keely 03/94 One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!" His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Heck is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out. "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?" She replied with a snicker "That's not talcum powder...... It's 'MiracleGrow'." -- ...TeeHee =============================================================== >-->From The MouthPiece: IF HISTORICAL PEOPLE WERE LOOKING FOR A JOB TODAY... * Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. * Jesse James: I can list among my experience and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks. * Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticized, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. * Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. * Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostile take- over. * Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. * Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. * Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion? * Lady Godiva: What do you mean, this isn't "business casual"? - . _+ - . @=, .+ . - p "} - . + /_/T>\ + - . /`~~||/ . + ./ //\\ - . - ` \\ \\ . - . ~` ~` _ + elvis by tissue * Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? ============================================================= >-->An ET-AHEM!! From The Jokester: `/\ ____/ / _ / ___ \ \\_!_________(_/_/ \ \ <#|=====|______ / /__/ NOT in School! / C|=====|---' \__/ / |-|-|~ / /---' / / |_____| jiri City Of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam Name: ___________________________ Gang: ___________________________ 1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload? 2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it? 3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit? 4. Jarone want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need? 5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4X4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs, 3 4X4s, how many Chevies will he have to steal to make $800? 6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent his money? 7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint? 8. Hector knocked up 6 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up? 9. Thelma can cook dinner for her 16 children for $7.50 per night. She gets $234 a month welfare for each child. If her $325 per month rent goes up 15%, how many more children should she have to keep up with her expenses? 10. Salvador was arrested for dealing crack and his bail was set at $25,000. If he pays a bail bondsman 12% and returns to Mexico, how much money will he lose by jumping bail? >Jose & Carlos Jose and Carlos who are illegally here, are panhandling at the freeway off-ramp each holding a sign. Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day. Jose says, "Look at your sign." It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support" Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico" ---- ...We have an animated file that goes with this one! >From our friend Steve - check it out here: SoCalSamba http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/files/ ---- ..Funny one! Thanks Steve! =============================================================== >-->Top Ten Signs Your Team Isn't Going To Win The World Series _--_ dMb __(._ ) d0P < (D) .MP .~ \ /~```M-. .~ V Mo_ \ -------============((((}{) ( ((___. {:)-./ ~._____.(:} '94 the wolfe / .M\ / "" \ | /\ | / / \ \ / / \ \ \__/ \__/ / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ 10. Team falls behind during the National Anthem 9. You're leading the league in bypasses 8. Arrive in Anaheim — game is in Philadelphia 7. Team is on Letterman parallel parking 6. Clubhouse pep-talk from Larry David has left team nervous and insecure 5. Only pre-game stretching comes in the form of a "wide bathroom stance" 4. Players frequently miss at-bats because they're in line for beer 3. Your first baseman is actually named "Who" (Just think of the confusion) 2. Insert New York Mets joke here 1. Manager leaves after seventh inning to beat the traffic [From the Late Show with David Letterman] ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: _ /|\ /_|_\ ____|____ \_o_o_o_/ ~~ | ~~~~~ ___t_________ unknown [Believe it or not this is a boating joke. A small craft advisory is when the weather is bad enough that small boats are cautioned not to go out on the water...in other words the perfect opportunity for some exciting sailing.] My creative mother enjoys doing crafts, such as making pot- pourri boxes decorated with ribbon and lace. Sometimes she gets so involved that she disappears into her upstairs workroom for hours, forgetting about more mundane things ---like making dinner. One evening I arrived home to find the kitchen empty again. But this time I found a note: "Warning! Small craft advisory: Buy yourself a pizza." -<>- My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue." -<>- On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." -<>- A fisherman's wife was sitting by a tent in a clearing on the bank of a river when along came the park ranger and said, "Excuse me ma'am but I need to speak to your husband. Can you tell me where he is?" ,-. O / `. <\/ `. |* `. / \ `. / / `>')3s, --------. ,' apc / 7 She replied, pointing to a clump of reeds. "Go over there and look for the pole with a worm on both ends." -<>- The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man. -<>- A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him. "Speak!" she said to the dog. The dog answered, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know what to say!" =============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** Just Think About This! ** ** "Strange things happen when you're in debt. Two weeks ago my car broke down and my phone got disconnected. I was one electric bill away from being Amish." ** God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I'm so far behind I'll live forever. ** My youngest son asked me how old I was. I answered, "39 and holding." He thought for a moment, and then said, "And how old would you be if you let go?" ** The airlines are working much harder to deal with the problem of lost luggage. This morning I saw a picture of my suitcase on a milk carton. ** Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. ** When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. ** Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. ** I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. ** Honk if you love peace and quiet. ** Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. ** A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. -<>- ** Texas Speak ** _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' Phrases and their definitions straight from a real live cowboy... ** The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving... Not overly-intelligent. ** Big hat, no cattle... All talk and no action. ** We've howdied but we ain't shook yet... We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced. ** He's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth... Talks a lot. ** He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch... Not the most handsome of men. ** They ate supper before they said grace... Living in sin. ** As full of wind as a corn-eating horse... prone to boasting. ** You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits... You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is. -<>- ** What A Compliment ** Bob was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Marlene with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." Marlene replies, "Why thank you, dear!" -<>- ** The Mind Readers ** The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: 'You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.' 'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?' 'Yes', the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom.' -<>- ** Woman's Work ** A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. "Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the children into their coats, and I'll go honk the horn." -<>- ** USPS At It's Best ** Our family's birthday card to Uncle Joey came back stamped: "Addressee Unknown." Once again he had moved and neglected to inform anyone. Undaunted, my grandmother dashed off a note to her son, and to our surprise received a reply within the week. Asked how she had done it, Grandmother replied, "I just wrote on the envelope: 'Please Forward -- Worried Mother.'" -<>- ** Make NO Mistakes ** The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby. "When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them. Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us." -<>- ** Breaking My Heart ** A blonde went to the eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read lines of letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. She was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack, cut out a hole to see through with one eye, put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye, and asked her to read the letters again. As he did so, he noticed tears dripping from the bottom of the paper bag. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get so upset about needing glasses." "I know," she cried, but I had my heart set on wire frames." -<>- ** What Is Love ** ,ae, ,88888e ,a888b.9888888i 888888888888888 88888888888888Y '8888888888888' "S888888888" unknown "7888888Y "e88j "Y Love is scaring away monsters in the middle of the night, then again at 1:00 a.m., 2:00 a.m., 3:00 a.m? Love is reading the same bedtime story for the 999th time. Love is a hug around the knees. Love is watching SpongeBob instead of All My Children. Love is a refrigerator covered with creative works of art. Love is standing in line for 2 hours for Pokemon tickets. Love is not grimacing through the dirtiest of diapers. Love is trading in the Firebird for a minivan. Love is the magic kiss that heals all "owies." Love is a cuddly kid in a blanket sleeper. Love is the first kick, first smile, first laugh, first step, first anything. Love is your child pointing to a picture of Cameron Diaz and saying "mama." Love is your child sound asleep, any child sound asleep. Love is a macaroni necklace. Love is wearing the macaroni necklace to church with pride. Love is a peanut butter kiss, a syrup kiss, a chocolate kiss, any kind of kiss. Love is a bouquet of dandelions. Love is the smell of a baby's neck. Love is saying "no" at the right times when it's easier to say "yes." Love is saying "yes" at the right times when it's easier to say "no." ** LOVE IS WHAT MAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE! ** -<>- ** Three Little Words ** I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone solicitors weren't able to call people at home during the dinner hour. But that doesn't make it any more pleasant. Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a telemarketing operation -- that would stop the nuisance for all time. The three little words are "Hold on, please." Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of hanging up immediately -- would make each telemarketing call so time-consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. This might be one of those articles you'll want to e-mail to your friends. Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting. =================================================================== >-->FUN Places to Net Visit: >From The Mouth: MAP SPOTS This is a pretty cool site where you can see what your home or office looks like from the sky using satellite images and aerial photos. Visit: MAP SPOTS BADVERTISING Advertising on post cards wasn't a bad idea. But like anything else, it can be done well or badly. You may not believe how badly... Visit: BADVERTISING -<>- >From InspiredBuffalo: Play Of The Day http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112485.htm Mexican Mondays http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112486.htm Juggler http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112490.htm Life Guard In The Pool http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112491.htm Glasses http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3392.htm Yahoo http://buffalosjokes.com/112473.htm Dog On Bike http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112475.htm To subscribe to this group, send an email to: the-inspired-buffalo-subscribe@yahoogroups.com -<>- >From LynnnLynn's Links: Drawing Fun Via Shangy http://fladdict.net/ What you can do with a piece of Paper Via Shangy http://www.petercallesen.com/index/index2.html Plate Tectonics Via Dianne http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/geology/tectonics.html Plate Tectonics - graphics Via Dianne http://tinyurl.com/2w9or3 Gas Temperature Map http://www.gasbuddy.com/gb_gastemperaturemap.aspx Sputnik http://history.nasa.gov/sputnik/ Free Must Have PC Utilities http://www.sofotex.com/download/PC_Utilities/ Charset Index http://www.kostis.net/charsets/ If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Hillary has a big lead in the Democratic race for president. Political insiders are speculating that Hillary may choose a Spanish running mate. When Bill heard this, he yelled, 'How about Salma Hayek?'" - Conan O'Brien "Cal State University is considering a ban on perfume and cologne and even scented deodorants. It's going to be like Europe over there!" - Craig Ferguson "Beautiful day here in New York City. So nice, President Bush said, 'Maybe I won't do anything about global warming.'" - David Letterman "The New York Knicks and coach Isaiah Thomas were found guilty of sexual harassment. The Knicks punishment is that they have to pay $11 million and Isaiah Thomas' punishment is that he has to keep coaching the Knicks." - Conan O'Brien "Not such a great day for the set of the new 'Indiana Jones' movie. There was a robbery. The thieves made off with computers and props, and Harrison Ford's walker." - Craig Ferguson "For the first time since 1995, ABC won ratings premiere week. Not just alphabetically, either." - Jimmy Kimmel "Halo 3 came out today. It's an online video game, which means while you're playing, you get to meet other Halo fans from all over the world and kill them." -Jimmy Kimmel "Apple launched its iPhone in Europe. It's being criticized for not being European enough — it actually worked the entire month of August." -Conan O'Brien "Arnold Schwarzenegger got together with Al Gore for a climate change summit. Even though he's a Republican and Al Gore's a Democrat, it's good they could talk robot to robot. Two cyborgs connecting." -Jay Leno Age does not bring wisdom. Often it merely changes simple stupidity into arrogant conceit. — Robert Heinlein We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. - Andre Berthiaume ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: a href="http://tinyurl.com/2vrfzv">This Weeks regular Shangy emails ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************