HAPPY HALLOWEEN SMILES ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Fresh Air Does It! ,,,,, _|||||_ Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday {~*~*~*~} and everybody complimented him on how __{*~*~*~*}__ athletic and well-preserved he appeared. jgs `-------------` _ "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of _/_\_ my success," he cackled. "I have been in the \_/ open air day after day for some 75 years now." /\Y/\ || : || The celebrants were impressed and asked how || : || he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness (|---|) regime. | | |# jgs | | |# "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 |_|_|# years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn (/ \)# pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk." =================================================================== +----------------- Bizarre Entertainment ------------------+ FACTS Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston. Chocolate syrup was used for blood in the famous 45 second shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's movie, Psycho, which act- ually took 7 days to shoot. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy. George Harrison, with "My Sweet Lord," was the first Beatle to have a Number 1 hit single following the group's breakup. In 1920, 57% of Hollywood movies billed the female star above the leading man. In 1990, only 18% had the leading lady given top billing. In 1969, Midnight Cowboy became the first and only X-rated pro- duction to win the Academy Award for Best Picture. (Its rating has since been changed to R.) In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer's name is Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward. Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison were all 27 years old when they died. Movie detective Dirty Harry's badge number is 2211. ,n888888n, .8888888888b 888888888888nd8P~''8g, 88888888888888 _ `'~\. .n. `Y888888888888. / _ |~\\ (8"8b ,nnn.. 8888888b. | \ \m\|8888P ,d8888888888888888b. \8b|.\P~ ~P8~ 888888888888888P~~_~ `8B_| | ~888888888~'8' d8. ~ _/ ~Y8888P' ~\ | |~|~b,__ __--~ --~~\ ,d8888888b.\`\_/ __/~ \_ d88888888888b\_-~8888888bn. \8888P "Y888888888888"888888bn. /~'\_"__) "d88888888P,-~~-~888 / / ) ~\ ,888888/~' / / / 8' ( / / / |) ) / '"88(/ ~ / / | ( /_/ /~ \( _/ / (_(_ ( /~~\/ , O,/~\___/_/' ~~~ | \_ ( )( \_| -- by Gordon M"uller __--~"mb ,g8888b. _/ 8888b(.8P"~'~---__ / ~~~| / ,/~~~~--, `\ ( ~\,_) (/ ~-_`\ \ -__---~._ \ ~\\ ( )\\ )) `\ ) "-_ `| \__ __/ ~-__ __--~ ~~"~ ~~~ Mickey Mouse is known as 'Topolino' in Italy. ============================================================== >-->Halloween Time: a:f_________________________________________ .' : | . - -. | .. | . .--. . ..... ..... .'..`. __ | . /8\--\ . boo! |\ | | _ | |: .\: ##|| ||88|===|| \ | G | |$"$| || |#| ##|| ||8P|===|| . , |( )| | || |#| ##|| ||P/ || /_o_\ """"" . - . || |#| ##|| ||/_____|| `. ( .'; . || |#| ##.`-'`o '`------- `-` -- \( ( . ----| |#| #/ / (>.__ __ `o-- `- \ \| / / '`-' -- \ | /______________________________ wheeee! _____\| Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite... What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite... Why do witches use brooms to fly on? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy... How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray... What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck... Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately... Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with... .-. ( " ) /\_.' '._/\ | | \ / \ /` (__) / jgs`.__.' What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries... What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball... What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving... What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? Shrinkenstein... What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?" What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer... Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're so wrapped up in themselves... What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends... ==\\ || \\ ________\ |________|\ | .\ /. | \ {| ^^ |} \ /||\ / \|__|/ =____|| ||____= \\/\ / \ /\// \\/ \ / . \ / \// / \/ \/ \ \ . / \ / \_ _/ . What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts... What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel... What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scareplane... What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds... ___ _/ @@\ ( \ O/__ \ \__) / \ jgs / _\ `"""""`` What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime... What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich... What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone... What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets... Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath... What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure... Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation... -<>- .o######0o. 0###########0. . o####" "######0. (## m#o ####( ######0 ._ ##.##"nn 0####o ###" ## (##o.######" o00o. 0#####o,##. ,#" "#######( .0#####0. 0###########0 ######## .0#######0. "0#########" _.o###'"00" .0###########o._ ""################ _ . 0####" "#########################0 .0#0n0 #####. ""#####################" _ 0##### 0#####. "###################._.o##o.#####" "0#####..##mn ""############################# "0#######""_ ""##################"#####" ""####m###m ""############" #### .########""" .########" "##" ####"##"###o (0######" "" "##".###,## .o#o ""####. "##" .0############. .n##RADIUS####### >THE SHRIKES IN THE HALLWAY by Vegeta and Radits, also known as Laura and Ashley This story takes place in Nova Scotia, Canada. One day a girl named Amy and the rest of her family were moving to a new house that the other owners were selling for a very cheap price. Amy, of course, didn't want to move but her parents wanted a bigger house. After the moving truck was loaded and their family was in the car they left. In about 5 hours they got there. It was very late, so they all went to sleep after they got their sleeping bags out. At about 12:00 pm that night Amy woke up to the sound of scrams. "It's coming from the hallway" Amy whispered to herself. As she was walking to the hallway she heard another scream full of pain and agony. She took a step back. Then started walking to the hallway again. By the time she got there the screams stopped and all that was left was a puddle of blood. The next night it happened again, but still all that remained was a puddle of blood. This happened several times again. Night after night, every time at the same time as before. After this happened for the 19th time, the parents thought that they would look into it. The went to the police and asked if anything had occurred there before they moved in. The police said that their was a family that lived there and that the father and son did not get along. So one night the father killed his son, slowly and painfully. The way he did it was he took different tools and hacked out his sons organs out, one by one. He managed to keep his son alive for five hours. Then the ghost started to haunt his father. Soon his father died of a heart attack and his son finally got his revenge. "But why is the ghost still there?" Amy asked. "The reason the ghost is there, is to remind people of his death." the police officer said. After what they heard Amy and her family left, but before they did they had a funeral for the ghost. The funeral put the ghost to his eternal sleep and the ghost never haunted again. Read more scarye stories here: http://www.theholidayspot.com/halloween/stories/index.htm ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) /######\ /##########\ / \###/ \ / \#/ \ /\| |/\ | | \ ==\ /== / | | \| \<|>\ /<|>/ |/ /| \__ | - \ - | /#| \#\ | | | /###| \##\ | \| | /#####| \###\ | _______ | /######| \####\ | / \/ \/ \|/#######| |######\| |#########| |########\______/##########| |#########\ /##########/ |##########\ |#########/\ /###########\/########/###\ /################\######/########\ /##################\###/###########\ /###################\#/##############\ /####################/#################\ /###################/####################\ VICKY WILKS >VAMPIRE PUNCH Ingredients : 8 cups cranberry juice 6 cups sparkling apple cider 6 orange slices Preparation : Put all ingredients in a punch bowl. Add ice cubes just be fore serving. Makes 14 cups --- ...Cool! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- | '. _______________________________________________ .' | | | /\ /\.-. . .| | | | '. ________| ` `.' .`. | /______________ .' | | | | | \ `/ >>-' -`* - | | | | | | / ,\ ' / | \ ____ | | | | | | `-'`.:`. | | | | | | | | > ,`. | | | | | | | | /-. /.' `. |____| | | | | | | / _> `- : |\_/| | | | | | | /` / /-. |q p| /£ | | | | | ,| / ((___/ __> ( 0 )"""\ __ | | | | | \/` / } |"^"` | ;`'()__)| | | | | |\ /'\ .--.( || /=\\ | `\:'.`,\| | | | | .' -\\--\\-- \\--------"'" -'"""'---//--"//'. | | | |' DS & jgs '| | | .'------------------------------------------------ '. | |.' PetShop '.| 0=========================================================0 >Top 10 Human Medications That Poison Our Pets Although pet parents are well aware of poisons lurking around their home, many don’t realize that some of the biggest culprits are sitting right on their own nightstands. In 2007, the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center received 89,000 calls related to pets ingesting over-the-counter and prescription medications. To help you prevent an accident from happening, our experts have created a list of the top 10 human medications that most often poison our furry friends. If you suspect your pet has ingested any of the following items, please call your veterinarian or the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center’s 24-hour hotline at (888) 426-4435. And remember to keep all medications tucked away in bathroom cabinets—and far from curious cats and dogs. NSAIDs NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs) like ibuprofen or naproxen are the most common cause of pet poisoning in small animals, and can cause serious problems even in minimal doses. Pets are extremely sensitive to their effects, and may experience stomach and intestinal ulcers and—in the case of cats—kidney damage. Antidepressants Antidepressants can cause vomiting and lethargy and certain types can lead to serotonin syndrome—a condition marked by agitation, elevated body temperature, heart rate and blood pressure, disorientation, vocalization, tremors and=2 0seizures. Acetaminophen Cats are especially sensitive to acetaminophen, which can damage red blood cells and interfere with their ability to transport oxygen. In dogs, it can cause liver damage and, at higher doses, red blood cell damage. Methylphenidate (for ADHD) Medications used to treat ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) in people act as stimulants in pets and can dangerously elevate heart rates, blood pressure and body temperature, as well as cause seizures. Fluorouracil Fluorouracil— an anti-cancer drug—is used topically to treat minor skin cancers and solar keratitis in humans. It has proven to be rapidly fatal to dogs, causing severe vomiting, seizures and cardiac arrest even in those who’ve chewed on discarded cotton swabs used to apply the medication. Isoniazid Often the first line of defense against tuberculosis, isoniazid is particularly toxic for dogs because they don’t metabolize it as well as other species. It can cause a rapid onset of severe seizures that may ultimately result in death. Pseudoephedrine Pseudoephedrine is a popular decongestant in many cold and sinus products, and acts like a stimulant if accidentally ingested by pets. In cats and dogs, it causes elevated heart rates, blood pressure and body temperature as well20as seizures. Anti-diabetics Many oral diabetes treatments—including glipizide and glyburide—can cause a major drop in blood sugar levels of affected pets. Clinical signs of ingestion include disorientation, lack of coordination and seizures. Vitamin D derivatives Even small exposures to Vitamin D analogues like calcipotriene and calcitriol can cause life-threatening spikes in blood calcium levels in pets. Clinical signs of exposure—including vomiting, loss of appetite, increased urination and thirst due to kidney failure—often don't occur for more than 24 hours after ingestion. Baclofen Baclofen is a muscle relaxant that can impair the central nervous systems of cats and dogs. Some symptoms of ingestion include significant depression, disorientation, vocalization, seizures and coma, which can lead to death. http://www.aspca. org/site/ PageServer? pagename= pro_apcc_ medications --- ...Great Info! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- /`. /`. f \ ,f \ Gee Brain, | \/-`\ \ The same thing we do what do you i. _\';.,X j every night, Pinky. want to do `:_\ ( \ \',-. Try to take over tonight? .'"`\ a\eY' ) the world! _,. `._"\`-' `-/ .-;' | /;-`._.-';\. ,'," | .'/ "' | `\.-'""-/ / j ,/ / i,-" ( ,/ / .-' .f .' `"/ / / ,,/ffj\ / .-"`.'-.' / /_\`--//) \ ,--._ .-'_,-'; / f ".-"-._;' `._ _.,-i; /_; / `.,' |; \ \`\_,/-' \' .' l \ `. /"\ _ \` j f : `-' `._;."/`-' | `. ,7 \ l j .'/ - \`. .j. . < (.' .\ \f`. |\,' ,' `. \ / \ `| \,'||-:j .' .'\ Y. \___......__\ ._ /`.|| __.._,-" .-"'"") /' ,' _ \ | /"-.`j""``---.._ .'_.-'" / .("-'-"":\ ._)|_(__. "' ;.' /-'---"".--"' /,_,^-._ .) `:=.__.,itz `---._.;' "" "" >Things That Irritate a Sane Person A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling. A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away. It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug. People behind you in a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing. The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song. The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you. There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray. There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING. There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address. Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth. When you need a salesperson, you can never find one. You can never put anything back in a box the way it came. You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it. You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette. You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can't find it. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing. You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them. You open a can of soup and the lid falls in. You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out. You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am. You slice your tongue licking an envelope. You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint. Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire. Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading. -<>- ;-. , \ '. .'/ \ \ .---. .-' / '. ' `\_.' |(),() | , ( __ / .' \ .''.___.'--,/\_,| { / \ } | '.\ /_.' / |'-.-', `; _.' jgs | | | |` `""`""`"""` >TAKE TIME A weary mother returned from the store, Lugging groceries through the kitchen door. Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year old son, Anxious to relate what his younger brother had done. "While I was out playing and Dad was on a call, T.J. Took his crayons and wrote on the wall! It's on the new paper you just hung in the den. I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again." She let out a moan and furrowed her brow, "Where is your little brother right now?" She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride, She marched to his closet where he had gone to hide. She called his full name as she entered his room. He trembled with fear--he knew that meant doom! For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved About the expensive wallpaper and how she had saved. Lamenting all the work it would take to repair, She condemned his actions and total lack of care. The more she scolded, the madder she got, Then stomped from his room, totally distraught! She headed for the den to confirm her fears. When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears. The message she read pierced her soul with a dart. It said, "I love Mommy," surrounded by a heart. Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it, With an empty picture frame hung to surround it. A reminder to her, and indeed to all, Take time to read the handwriting on the wall. --- ...Awww, how sweet! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- , ,_ |`\ `;;, ,;;' | `\ \ '. .'.' | `\ \ '-""""-' / `. `\ / |` `> /; _ _ \ / / | . ; < (`";\ () ~~~ (/_ ';;\ `, __ _.-'` ) >;\ ` _.' `;;\ \-' ;/ \ _ | ,"". .` \ | _| ' / ; /") .;-, jgs \ / __ .-' \,_/-"` `-' >I AM THANKFUL FOR ...... THE PARTNER WHO HOGS THE COVERS EVERY NIGHT, BECAUSE HE/SHE IS NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THE TEENAGER WHO IS NOT DOING DISHES BUT IS WATCHING TV, BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE/SHE IS AT HOME AND NOT ON THE STREETS. FOR THE TAXES THAT I PAY, BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I, AM EMPLOYED. FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY, BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS. FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG, BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK, BECAUSE IT MEANS I, AM IN THE SUNSHINE. FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING, BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME. FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT, BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT, BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION. FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL, BECAUSE IT MEANS I, AM WARM. FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH THAT SINGS OFF KEY, BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I CAN HEAR. FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING, BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR. FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY, BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD. FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS, BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT I AM ALIVE. AND FINALLY..... .. FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL, BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME -<>- ____ _____ / \ _.-'_.-' \ _\/ _/ ___)/ __< <'-;:\_ _\ '; \_\ >/-,\ snd ""` |_\ >Soar Like An Eagle Harvey Mackay, tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey. He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.' Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment. This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally smiled and said, 'No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice.' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.' Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.' As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card. 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.' And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts. 'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers like this?' Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'' 'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.' 'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said. 'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.' Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting. Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles. How about us? Smile, and the whole world smiles with you..... The ball is in our hands! --- ...Great Ones! Thanks Jo Ann! ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) This you have to see to believe. This is so worth watching. Enjoy! This is AMAZING!!!!! - The video is 7 and a half minutes and worth every second, especially for animal lovers! http://www.slide.com/r/hD6DvyAOxD9ClUhvUpVcUMABW9QzpGnQ -<>- Man decorates basement with $10 worth of Sharpie http://www.heraldleaderphoto.com/2008/09/18/man-decorates-basement-with-10-worth-of-sharpie/ --- ...Awesome! Thanks Viv! -<>- {Politics] __________. /_/-----/_/| __ ( ( ' ' ( (| /'--'\ (_( ' ' (_(|/. .\ / /=====/ /| '||' /_//____/_/ | || (o|:.....|o) | || |_|:_____|_|/' _||_ ' ' /____\ unknown HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK 1. Open a new file in your computer. 2. Name it 'Barack Obama'. 3. Send it to the Recycle Bin. 4. Empty the Recycle Bin. 5. Your PC will ask you: 'Do you really want to get rid of 'Barack Obama?' 6. Firmly Click 'Yes.' 7. Feel better? GOOD! - Tomorrow we'll do Nancy Pelosi --- ...Teehee - The sooner the better! We have her and the others in the house to thank for this economic mess we are in! Thanks Viv! -<>- [Politics] ,----. ,-. ,----.,------. ,-. ,-.,-. ,-. / ,-,_/ ,' | / /"P /`-, ,-',' | / // |/ / / / __ ,' ,| | / ,---' / / ,' ,| | / // J P / / '-' /,' ,--. |/ / / /,' ,--. |/ // /| / `----''--' `-'`'.--""""--.--' `-'`' `' `-' nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,'.n*""""*N.`.####################### NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN/ J',n*""*n.`L \##### ### ### ### #### : J J___/\___L L :##################### nnnnnnnnnnnnnn{ [{ `. ,' }] }## ### ### ### ### ## NNNNNNNNNNNNNN: T T /,'`.\ T J :##################### \ L,`*n,,n*',J / nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn`. *n,,,,n* ,'nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN`-..__..-'NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN ,-. ,-. ,-. ,----. ,----.,-. ,----. ,-. | `. \ `.| \\ .--`\ \"L \\ \\ .-._\ | `. o!0 | |. `. \ \ ` L \\ __\ \ . < \ \\ \ __ | |. `. | .--. `.\ \`-'\ \\ `---.\ \L `.\ \\ `-` \| .--. `. `-' `--``' `-'`----' `-'`-' `' `----'`-' `--' There are two interesting articles. One on Cindy Hensley McCain. The other on John McCain's sons. We've heard so much about Michelle Obama, but we don't know much about John McCain's wife, Cindy. We may have the wrong person running for the Presidency. This is an interesting article as not much was known about her. She was on Leno the other night and it was an interesting interview. It turns out that she is a character as she is and has been a race car driver. She is also a pilot and flies John around the country to his rallies. After hearing that about her and reading this I now have a lot of respect for her. Election 2008: Cindy Hensley McCain has been disparaged as a trophy wife, a Barbie, an heiress with fancy purses but there's more to the picture than meets the eye. Yes, Mrs. McCain is the perfectly coifed blonde standing dutifully behind the senator during his speeches. And yes, she wears stylish clothing and carries a Prada purse. And it's true she doesn't say much. But feminist critics who write her off as a 'stand-by-your-man' shrinking violet are selling her short. In many ways, Cindy McCain stacks up sturdier than Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama. And she'd make a more impressive first lady. Mrs. McCain is more than meets the eye. While Obama's wife has been hating America, complaining about the war and undermining our troops serving in Afghanistan, McCain's wife has been worrying about her sons who actually are fighting or planning to fight in the war on terror. One, in fact, was until a few months ago deployed in Iraq during some of the worst violence. You don't hear the McCain's talk about it, but their 19-year-old Marine, Jimmy, is preparing for his second tour of duty. Their 21-year-old son, Jack, is poised to graduate from Annapolis and also could join the Marines as a Second Lieutenant. The couple made the decision not to draw attention to their sons out of respect for other families with sons and daughters in harm's way. Cindy also says she doesn't want to risk falling apart on the campaign trail talking about Jimmy who was so young when he enlisted she had to sign consent forms for his medical tests before he could report for duty and potentially upsetting parents of soldiers who are serving or have been killed. The McCain's want to make sure their boys get no special treatment. Same goes for their five other children, including a daughter they adopted from Bangladesh ... During a visit to Mother Teresa's orphanage there, Cindy noticed a dying baby. The orphanage could not provide the medical care needed to save her life. So she brought the child home to America for the surgery she desperately needed. The baby is now their healthy, 16-year-old daughter, Bridget. Though all seven McCain children including two Sen. McCain adopted from his first marriage are supportive of their father, they prefer their privacy to the glare of the campaign trail. Another daughter, Meghan, 23, helps him behind the scenes. Cindy McCain not only cherishes her children, but also her country, which in an election year filled with America-bashing, is a refreshing novelty. She seethed when she heard Michelle Obama's unpatriotic remarks that she only recently grew proud of America 'I am very proud of my country,' Mrs. McCain asserted. She also may be tougher than the other women in the race. While Hillary thinks she's come under sniper fire on mission trips abroad, Cindy has actually seen violence. She witnessed a boy get blown up by a mine in Kuwait during a trip with an international group that removes land mines from war-torn countries. Mrs. McCain also is a hands-on philanthropist. She sits on the board of Operation Smile, which arranges for plastic surgeons to fix cleft palates and other birth defects. She also has helped organize relief missions to Micronesia. During a scuba-diving vacation to the islands, Mrs. McCain took a friend to a local hospital to have a cut treated. She was shocked, and saddened, by what she saw. 'They opened the door to the OR, where the supplies were, and there were two cats and a whole bunch of rats climbing out of the sterile supplies, she recalled. 'They had no X-ray machine, no beds. To me, it was devastating because it was a U.S. trust territory.' As soon as she returned home, she arranged for medical equipment and teams of doctors to be sent to treat the island children. Michelle Obama may contribute to CARE, which fights global poverty and works to empower poor women. Cindy sits on its board. While the Democrat women talk about helping the poor and needy, Cindy McCain actually rolls up her sleeves and does it. Who's the out-of-touch elitist? Meanwhile we also have John's sons. Not picking sides but thought everyone should read this very interesting story: Talk about putting your most valuable where your mouth is! Apparently this was not 'newsworthy' enough for the media to comment about. Can either of the other presidential candidates truthfully come close to this? Just a question for each of us to seek an answer, and not a statement. You see...character is what's shown when the public is not looking. There were no cameras or press invited to what you are about to read about, and the story comes from one person in New Hampshire. One evening last July, Senator John McCain of Arizona arrived at the New Hampshire home of Erin Flanagan for sandwiches, chocolate chip cookies and a heartfelt talk about Iraq. They had met at a presidential debate, when she asked the candidates what they would do to bring home American soldiers - - soldiers like her brother, who had been killed in action a few months earlier. Mr. McCain did not bring cameras or press. Instead, he brought his youngest son, James McCain, 19, then a private first class in the Marine Corps about to leave for Iraq. Father and son sat down to hear more about Ms. Flanagan's brother Michael Cleary, a 24-year-old Army First Lieutenant killed by an ambush .. a roadside bomb. No one mentioned the obvious: In just days, Jimmy McCain could face similar perils . 'I can't imagine what it must have been like for them as they were coming to meet with a family that .....' Ms. Flanagan recalled, choking up. 'We lost a dear one,' she finished. Mr. McCain, now the presumptive Republican nominee, has staked his candidacy on the promise that American troops can bring stability to Iraq. What he almost never says is that one of them is his own son, who spent seven months patrolling Anbar Province and learned of his father's New Hampshire victory in January while he was digging a stuck military vehicle out of the mud. Two of Jimmy's three older brothers went into the military. Doug McCain, 48, was a Navy pilot. Jack McCain, 21, is to graduate from the Naval Academy next year, raising the chances that his father, if elected, could become the first president since Dwight D. Eisenhower with a son at war. I chose to share this with those who I believe will pass it on, to others who will pass it on. We hear so much inflated trash out there. How about a simple act of kindness... and dedication to others placed above oneself? Has anybody heard if Barack Hussein Obama has served in The American Armed Services? --- ...Great One! Thanks Viv! What about his family? =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Becky :) ,_ .--. , , _)\/ ;--. . ' . \_\-' | .' \ -= * =- (.-, / / | ' .\' ). ))/ .' _/\ / \_ \_ /( / \ /( /_\ .--' `-. // \ ||\/ , '._// | ||/ /`(_ (_,;`-._/ / \_.' ) /`\ .' .' . | ;. /` / |\( `.( | |/ | ` ` | | / | |.' __/' / _ .' _.-` _.` `.-;`/ /_.-'` / / | / jgs ( / /_/ >READ THIS VERY SLOWLY... IT'S PRETTY PROFOUND. Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine. I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible. How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you? How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television? I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain' and my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together. Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect! We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college. Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.' When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord. My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream.. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy. Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you. Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask 'How are you?' Do you hear the reply? When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say 'Hi'? When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over. It's National Friendship and FAMILY WEEK, so show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. To those I have sent this to... I cherish our friendship and appreciate all you do. 'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!' --- ...Nice One! Thanks Becky! ===================================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: [Politics] , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' [I Like the way she thinks] From OneNewsNow: A new book explores the faith of Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin. In a recently released interview with Christian Broadcasting Network, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin stated that her Christian beliefs remain unshaken even though faith in God has been mocked during the current campaign. "Nobody is going to convince me that my foundation of faith is not good for me and my family, no matter the mocking," she said. "I'm going to keep seeking God's guidance and his wisdom and his favor and his grace for me, for my family, for this campaign, for our nation." http://www.onenewsnow.com/Election2008/Default.aspx?id=293738 Bachmann: Obama's ideas 'not good for America' Bachmann told host Chris Matthews that Barack Obama had not "come clean" about his association with former domestic terrorist Bill Ayers. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Election2008/Default.aspx?id=294660 -<>- >From BizarreNews: _ _{Ss //\\_/_/\Ss _/_| \_/ \_ pb -- Woman allegedly tended bar in the nude --------- ALTON, Ill. - A bartender in Alton, Ill., is facing a misdemeanor charge for allegedly performing her duties in the nude, police say. A police report said Jamie Day, 24, was charged with a misdemeanor count of lewd entertainment after someone called police to report a woman had been "observed totally nude while tending bar at the Pub Room," The (Alton) Telegraph reported Tuesday. The report said Day had allegedly been performing nude for male customers and was wearing a shirt when police arrived. -- Mobsters tried to bribe guard for food ---------- TRAPANI, Italy - Police said four mobsters imprisoned in Trapani, Italy, tried to bribe a guard to take them culinary delicacies including lobsters and caviar. Investigators said the guard informed his superiors after the four jailed Camorra bosses attempted to convince him to deliver lobsters, caviar, champagne, buffalo-milk mozzarella and baba, a sweet delicacy from Naples, to lighten the load of their life-in-prison sentences, ANSA reported Thursday. Jail officials filmed the mobsters giving the guard cash -- an offered monthly payment of nearly $2,000 -- and handed the video over to police. Police said they are looking into whether the four attempted to bribe any guards to get luxury items. ____ (__ '. /_____) ()@ @ ))) 'C ,()(() ,.'_'.' \ __/ ) (--' '._./ \ (_._._._) _|| ||_ mrf(__.).__) -- 'Smurf' trots globe to sell costumes ---------- NEWBURY, England - A Newbury, England, costume shop worker said his boss sent him on a 12,285-mile trek in a Smurf suit as a promotion to help sell the character costumes. Ian Tomkins, 25, said he visited several famous landmarks around the world during his three-week journey and took his blue Smurf costume off only to sleep, The Daily Telegraph reported. Tomkins' boss at Jokers' Masquerade costume shop, Mark Lewis, said he came up with the idea for the globetrotting Smurf promotion after discovering that the Chinese supplier of the costumes wouldn't sell them to his shop in quantities under 500. "When Mr. Lewis first suggested the idea I thought it was great -- I was going to see some countries I had never been to before and all I had to do was wear the costume," Tomkins told the newspaper. "But it was one thing to suggest the idea and another to stand in front of these famous monuments wearing it." Lewis said the trip cost the shop about $6,000 but sparked a surge of business that has led the shop to order thousands more costumes from its supplier. ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Richard :) .HI .MHMH X: :HMMH. .X!HMM. `HMHM! !MHMMX HMHHH. IMM! XHHHHM! XMMM!. IMHXHMM. :I. `HMHMMI. :HHXXHH' .AMH' `VMHHM! HHXIHH :MHH' `!HHHA. XHIIIX. .MX .:HD AHHV `HHHA. !HI!IXI AM: AMHH'. :HHM! `XXHA. . `HI!:IX :HH AHHMV .IXHH' `!XIX:. AMA:.H!::IX. !HX AHHHV :IIHX `XIXX: :HHHHHI. .HMMMXXH: !XIHHHIIHV' `X!:IXIMHHXHI. IHHH!HX.!IIXH!.IHV `H:.:!IHHXII: .XH!!HMI::X! :XHI :MI. .!!II!: :II.!H!.:I:.IHV: :AMMHHII!:. ::::: ::.I: .: :IHV. .!!: `:VMHII:. . .. .IHHMI :IMM! ..::::..... HHXI:. :IXXHHMH. .:!IXHHX!' AMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHXIIIII!!!:::. :!!IXHHHHH:..:!!XXXHHXI!:' ``::!XHX:.... .!XHHHI:' II!:.. .::!IIHHI' .:II:: .:: ::. .:!IHM: :IXXIIIIIIXHMH::!: .:: .::!II!: :H! .!XHHHHXHHHX!:' .XXIXH: :III: !XHHHHHHI!IA:. !MA AHMMHMMMHI!:' :HHHHHH:.!HHHHI: :HM: `!XXXX::. XMMI .HM! `VI!' !MV' :!!IHMMMHHI. XX `!XHHA. .. :HMM: AIIHI' VMH: :I `VHMMH:. `!! .MMMV' AHHH: `HH::! .HM: `VMMMA .HV' :MHHHI `HI!!. `:HMD :' IMHV' `XII! `' :XIX. !HHI IMMI `XHH! IMMM: XHHH. :I: !MHMI VK :MHHH: `VMMV' >[Politics] \CHANGES/ IN THE WORKPLACE You small business owners out there are preparing for life under a Barack Obama presidency. One of our listeners sent us some new rules for small businesses based on Obama's ideals of change and fairness: As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama officially becomes president-elect, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness: 1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are under-achieving a "fair shake". 2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst you. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours. 3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us. 4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all". 5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth around". Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic". 6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?)!!! If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th. ======================================================================= >-->From The Jokester: [Politics] __,aaPPPPPPPPaa,__ ,adP"""' `""Yb,_ ,adP' `"Yb, ,dP' ,aadPP"""""YYba,_ `"Y, ,P' ,aP"' `""Ya, "Y, ,P' aP' _________ `"Ya `Yb, ,P' d" ,adP""""""""Yba, `Y, "Y, ,d' ,d' ,dP" `Yb, `Y, `Y, d' ,d' ,d' ,dP""Yb, `Y, `Y, `b 8 d' d' ,d" "b, `Y, `8, Y, 8 8 8 d' _ `Y, `8 `8 `b 8 8 8 8 $ 8 `8 8 8 8 8 Y, Y, `b, ,aP P 8 ,P 8 I, `Y, `Ya """" d' ,P d" ,P `Y, `8, `Ya ,8" ,P' ,P' d' `Y, `Ya, `Ya,,__,,d"' ,P' ,P" ,P `Y, `Ya, `""""' ,P' ,d" ,P' `Yb, `"Ya,_ ,d" ,P' ,P' `Yb, ""YbaaaaaadP" ,P' ,P' Normand `Yba, ,d' ,dP' Veilleux `"Yba,__ __,adP" dP" `"""""""""""""' How To Save the Government $5 Million A president's pension currently is $191,300 per year, until he is 80 years old. Assuming the next president lives to age 80. Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president. Sen. Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms and would receive $4,973,800 in pension. Therefore it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November. How's that for non partisan thinking??? -<>- Show Your Support There are less than 2 weeks until the election, an election that will decide the next President of the United States. The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just the Democrats or the Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we come together, Democrats and Republicans alike. If you support the policies and character of Osama, please drive with your headlights on during the day. If you support John McCain, please drive with your headlights on at night... -<>- Top Signs You're Watching A Bad Presidential Debate It's a town hall debate, but the town is in a mountainous region of Pakistan. Tom Brokaw leaves early to catch 9:15 showing of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" Topics fall into the categories "Domestic policy," "Foreign policy," and "Burt Reynolds Films of the '70s" Keep arguing about who has more friends on Facebook Candidate says, "Why you hatin'?" Other responds, "Why you buggin'?" It's covered by CBS, NBC, ABC, and the Howard 100 News team Candidates ignore questions and gossip about which Senate pages are sluts The yodeling competition Disproportionate amount of questions about "The Hills" It's 90 minutes of folksy phrases and winking Jim Lehrer began proceedings with, "Which one of you morons wants to go first?" McCain answered every question by cupping his ear and saying, "How's that?" Opened with closing statements, closed with opening statements McCain said he had more fun at the Lincoln-Douglas debates Everybody was talking about the new "Late Show Fun Facts" book available at bookstores everywhere McCain pledged to fill entire Cabinet with sassy over qualified hockey moms Obama said he'll be on next season's "Dancing With The Stars" - this guy will do anything Both had uncomfortable restroom stories involving Sen. Larry Craig The winner - Tina Fey -<>- ,..., |. .| q - p |\'/| ScS .-''---''-. / , , \ /\/\ Y /\/\ \ \ | ~ ~ | / / Kiss! One sunny day an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay" and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Clinton is no longer president and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Clinton." The Marine, somewhat agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Clinton. I've told you already that Mr. Clinton is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it." The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow." ======================================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: | | *tock* | | *tock* | <-*) | |(() | |"/ | |' PhS The Wood Pile I have a frien who grew up in Appalachia. He asserts that the following story is true. Rev. Sam, the local Methodist preacher, had two sons who had the responsability of bringing in the stove wood for church each Sunday morning. Several church members who were poor cut the firewood and delivered it to the church on saturday afternnon as a way of making up for their inability to support the church with cash contributions. Over a perid of some weeks the boys noticed that someone had been stealing much of the firewood. So much so, that some Sundays there was barely enough to keep the church sanctuary warm during the service. When the boys reported the thefts to ther dad a crusty old coal miner was standing nearby. The miner told the preacher not to worry that he would take care of the problem. The miner told the boys that untill futher notice he would bring in the stove wood himself. About a week later as the boys were walking home from school there was a loud explosion at a nearby house. The owner ran out of the house followed by a belch of boiling smoke and soot. The boys ran home to report to their dad that the neighbors stove had just blown up. The following Sunday the coal miner reported to the pastor that he knew who was stealing the firewood and it wasn't likely to happen again. Rev. Sam asked the miner how he knew this. The Minor smiled and said, "I picked up some blasting caps over at the mine and hid them in the firewood. The thief eventually picked up one of the loaded pieces of firewood and carried it home. That's what caused the esplosion the boys wittnessed this week. I doubt we'll have any more problems with stolen firewood." The next Sunday the boys resumed their duties bringing in the stove wood for sunday services. There were no more thefts of church firewood. -<>- ****** __ /`__`\ .=.| ('') |.=. /.-.\ _)(_ /.-.\ |: / ~~ \ :| \ : | (__) | : / | : \_/\_/ : | |: /| |\ :| \_/` | | `\_/ | | | | jgs |~~~~| '----' >If the Lord Kept Records by Tom Norvell Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. (Psalm 130:1-5 NIV). Here's a thought for you to ponder as you go through your day: What if the Lord kept a record of our sins? The Psalmist says if the Lord did keep a record of sins, no one can stand (vs. 2). "Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy" (Vs. 1-2). How would you respond? "Oh my! I'm in trouble!" "Tell me it's not true!" "I knew all that talk about grace and mercy was too good to be true." "I am ruined. I am a man of unclean lips among a people of unclean lips" (Isaiah 6:5). It is a horrible thought, isn't it? Every sin you've ever committed would be kept on file. All kinds of questions race through your mind. Is the file locked? Who has the key? Would it be possible to have the key? There is no hope. I am doomed! Then, in verse 4 our fears are relieved when he says, "But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared" (NIV). "As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped" (The Message). "But you offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you" (The New Living Version). From fear to respect. From dread to hope. From anxiety to relief. From dread to hope. From sorrow to joy. From the worst news possible to the best news possible. "With you there is forgiveness." Thank You, Lord, for being a God who offers forgiveness. >From www.Heartlight.org =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: Finally, after years of testing business software, I landed my dream job -- trying out computer games. My first day at work I was listing various ideas in a spreadsheet program when my manager walked by. He looked at my screen for a moment, then said sternly, "I'd better not catch you using spreadsheets on company time when you know you should be playing games." -<>- A local fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with 6 large size salmon in his creel. Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing. "Yes!" replied the stalwart. Asked what bait he had been using our hero replied that he had used chewing tobacco. Parker asked how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and the fisherman replied, "I put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul back on the line to hook it. When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with the butt of my rod! -<>- At the beginning of the school year, one seventh grader was reflecting on his chance at being the 8th grade valedictorian. He said his dad was valedictorian, his mom was valedictorian, and his sister was also valedictorian. He paused, leaned back in his chair and said, "Looks like the end of an era!" -<>- An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a pro- minent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be five years from now?" "Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now." -<>- Hey, since we're now living in the time of e-mail and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish: 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too. 11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should never generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 23. Kill all exclamation points!!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement. 34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. -<>- The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room schoolhouse. The buyer converted it to a tavern. One day an elderly man was walking by the place with his grandson and pointed to the building. "That's where I went to school when I was your age." "Really," said the boy. "Who was your bartender back then?" =============================================================== >-->AndyChaps: Andy Says... Just Think About This! _.- ~~^^^'~- _ _ .,.- ~ ~ ~ ~ - _ ________,' ::. ~ -. (( ~_\ -s- :: _ - ;, \\ ______<.._ .;;;` ,' } `', ``~~~~~ ~` ~- _ ; ; `\ _ _- _ ( } { , \, `, / ((/ _ _i ! _ , ,' \, , / ((((____/ ~ - - - - _ _'_-_,_,` \, ; < ----,____ (,(,(, ____> \,' \ ________`--.__ _ _ ____ ____ __ ______ _ _ ____ ____ __ `------__------- ______ _ _ ____ ____ __ -cfbd- On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out." Don't pray for rain if you're going to complain about the mud! To teach is to understand. To learn is wisdom. To learn together is understanding wisdom. -- Sid Mendenhall I have a dog that's half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a guard dog, but a vicious gossip." --Craig Shoemaker "I just bought a microwave fireplace...You can spend a whole evening in front of it in only eight minutes." -Steven Wright "No matter how much money you make, you always need an extra $40 a week. I think it was Einstein who first said: 'Expense equals salary plus forty bucks.'" --Jeffrey Jena Texas A&M student to friend: "I got some bad news today: You know the money I get from those little ATM machines? It comes from MY account!" Q:Why doesn't Sweden export cattle? A:Because it wants to keep its Stockholm Q:What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? A:Someone who stays awake all night wondering about the meaning of dog. -<>- >See: Romans 14:10-12. So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. When Bishop Latimer resigned, he took off his Rochet from his shoulders and then he gave a skip on the floor for joy. He felt as if his shoulders became so light at being discharged from such an awesome burden. To be relieved of the burden of high position or even wealth is to be unloaded of weighty responsibilities. If we must step down from high office, whether it be in the church, or from public honors, we may be consoled by the thought that there is just so much the less for us to answer for at the great audit, when we must give an account of our stewardship. What a wonderful feeling of being free from the burden of debt. Perhaps you paid off a car loan or better still, the mortgage on your house. Some of us fantasize about winning a lottery. Yet, I have heard of many a lucky lottery winner who admit, that the greatest day in their lives became their worse after winning. To be free from a financial encumbrance, or some other long standing indebtedness or worry is a great feeling. To have a loved one find the Lord after years of praying is an incredible relief. To be free of hatred, suspicion, or lack of trust is such a relief. To have received undeserved forgiveness in abundance, how can we not also forgive those in our lives who have caused us great pain? Loose yourself from the power of hatred and forgive those that you also may be forgiven. Put off that burden from your shoulders, that gives you some form of entitlement over another person. Praise God who has and will forgive all things through Christ, Amen and Amen. "The man who blames others for his problems hasn't begun his education. The man who blames himself has begun his education. And the man who blames no one has finished his education," (Unknown). -<>- ** The Secret Of How To Away From It All ** Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package." -<>- ** A Question To Colin Powell ** The Secretary of State, the Honorable Colin Powell, during a recent trip to the UN in New York was approached by an Iraqi news reporter, who asked: "Is it true that only 13 percent of young Americans can even find Iraq on the map?" The Secretary turned to the reporter with a smile and said: "Yes, that's true. But the sad news for Iraq is that the 13 percent are all United States Marines!" -<>- ** A Groaner For Sure ** In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My dif- ficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N." -<>- ,-~~-.___. / ()=(() \ ( ( 0 \._\, ,----' CURSE ##XXXxxxxxxx / ---'~; YOU / /~|- =( ~~ | RED /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ /_______________________\ BARON! /_________________________\ /___________________________\ |____________________| |____________________| |____________________| W< | | ** Geezer Exam ** 1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located ? a. On the floor shift knob b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch c. Next to the horn 2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used? a. Capture lightning bugs b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing c. Large salt shaker 3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters? a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top. 4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance? a. Blackjack b. Gin c. Craps! 5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II? a. Suntan b. Leg painting c. Wearing slacks 6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going? a. Studebaker b. Nash Metro c. Tucker 7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid? a. Strips of dried peanut butter b. Chocolate licorice bars c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside 8. How was Butch wax used? a. To stiffen a flattop haircut so it stood up b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust 9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes? a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key b. Woven straps that crossed the foot. c. Long pieces of twine 10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision? a. Consider all the facts b. Ask Mom c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo 11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's? a.Smallpox b. AIDS c. Polio 12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey" a. SUV b. Taxi c. Streetcar 13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony? a. Old Blue b. Paint c. Macaroni 14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill? a. Part of the game of hide and seek b. What you did when your mom called you in to do chores c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill 15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show? a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring b. Princess Sacajewea c. Princess Moonshadow 16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school? a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid your failure 17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases? a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos 18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________? a. Meatballs b. Dames c. Ammunition 19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit? a. The Ink Spots b. The Supremes c. The Esquires 20. Who left his heart in San Francisco? a. Tony Bennett b. Zavier Cugat c. George Gershwin ANSWERS 1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on. 2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron? 3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top. 4. a) Blackjack Gum. 5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil. 6. a) 1946 Studebaker. 7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water. 8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut. 9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck. 10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo. 11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease. 12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight! 13. c) Macaroni. 14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill. 15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet. 16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high. 17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store. 18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free. 19. a) The all male, all black group: The Inkspots. 20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today. (or bad, depending on your taste) See scoring below: ===================================================== 17- 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat. Now if you could only find your glasses. 12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy. 0 -11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a geezer or you are younger than springtime! ================================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Last weeks Kid Lessons were actually from two or our readers! I looked and looked over my files because I knew I had this one forwarded to me from two people instead of just one, but I could not find the other one. Just yesterday I saw it! It came from our friend Lorraine AND our friend Viv! so now I have it corrected on the page. Thanks & Huggums Gals! Kid Lessons http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidlessons.html -<>- >From AFA: A Short Video http://www.onenewsnow.com/valuesvoters.aspx >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva sharing from Rog/The Road Home http://silverandgoldandthee.net/MM/Rog.html John w/ A 50s Halloween http://heavens-gates.com/50s/happyhalloween/ Judy w/ Best Day Of My Life http://frommyheart2u.com/inspire/liveadayatatime Top Reasons To Smile! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smile.html Cooking By Numbers http://www.cookingbynumbers.com/frames.html Awful Plastic Surgery http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/ Shangy's Dance Page http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sdp.html EXTREME PUMPKINS http://www.extremepumpkins.com/ Doggie Zone http://www.pets.ca/pettips/tips-9.htm Kitty Korner http://www.pets.ca/pettips/tips-63.htm Trunk Monkey Chaperone http://www.buffaloschips.com/070203.htm Tuck In Shirt http://www.buffaloschips.com/070204.htm Turkey http://www.buffaloschips.com/7701.htm Turkish Gillette http://www.buffaloschips.com/7702.htm Uncle Jay http://www.buffaloschips.com/7703.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Russia launched an experimental inflatable satellite today. Here in America we call that a balloon." --Conan O'Brien "Have you seen this commercial for the Norelco electric shaver where this guy is in the shower and he switches the shaver from normal to sensitive? Sensitive? What is he shaving in there?" --Jay Leno "Obama is even more popular overseas. Gallup polled citizens of 70 countries and found that foreigners supported Obama over McCain by nearly 4-1. It was an amazing poll: 30 percent supported Obama; 8 percent supported McCain; and the rest supported David Hasselhoff." -Jimmy Kimmel "Does anyone know if 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day' is the same day as 'Lock Your Son Up in a Closet Day?' Cause it would really save me some time." --Bob Van Voris "'If you can dream it,' I have heard said, 'You can do it.' Maybe so, but that's really up to Tyra Banks and Reece Witherspoon." --Jim Rosenberg "The big city is a cold, lonely place. At least that's what it's like on the days I forget to wear clothes." --Scott Griffin "Scientists say now that they are very close to developing chocolate that won't melt. It's a chocolate you can eat in hot climates. Apparently we're holding off on that cure for cancer. Let's get this chocolate breakthrough first." --Jay Leno "Russia is going to start taking care of nuclear waste from other countries. Their goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe." --Conan O'Brien "Do you know what you call people in Hollywood who've been married for 3 years? Divorced." --David Letterman You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others. --Henry Drummond Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17, NIV Just as millions of snowflakes pile up to create a blanket of snow, the "thank you's" we say pile up and fall gently upon one another until, in our hearts and minds, we are adrift in gratitude. --Daphne Rose Kingma: The Book of Love: Coonari Press ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN List Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************