HAPPY New Year SMILES.. :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) WISHING EVERYONE A BLESSED AND SAFE __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| This year sure did go by quickly! Here we are, close to it's end. AND if you are like me, You are ready to PARTY ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` and Bring in the New Year With A Jubilant Cry of ... THANK GOD 2008 Is Over! . . : . '.@.' /^\ / \ /2009 \ @@@@@@@@@ / 6 6 \ ( ^ ,) \ __, /-._ `._____.'\ `--.__ \\/ `/``"""'-. / ) / : | /\ | .--. : / /\2`\ \/ `.__.:.____.-. / / /`\0`\`/ .-"..____.-. \ jgs _.-' /_/ `\0`\ \-. \ `=----' `\9`\--------'""`-. \ `" `-./ `" VIVA LA 2009! TeeHee. I've been working hard lately to get a couple pages done up for our New Year celebration. These are SMOKIN' Sizzlin' HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press and Just In The Nick of Time! Thank God For All Our Contributors! No party without them! This one comes from our friend Lorraine. It was actually a little harder then I thought it would be and took twice as long as normal for me to complete. Hopefully you'll get a bunch of enjoyment from it... * ) * ) * ( ) ( ( ( ) ( ) ) * ) ) ( ( ( ( * ) H ) ) [ ] ( ( * |-| * ) ( * ) |_| . ) ( | | . ) / \ . ' . * ( |_____| ' . . ) | ___ | \~~~/ ' . ( * | \ / | \_/ \~~~/ ) | _Y_ | | \_/ ( * jgs |-----| __|__ | * `-----` __|__ Drink Responsibly! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drink.html -<>- This Next one I decided to bundle two forwards from our friends Viv and Lorraine to make this page. It's perfect for those who need a Calendar for the new year ;) .~~~~. |2009| _|____|_ }-{ A P P Y (_,/\ \ \,~,/(`^ ^( ) /\/ E W \_/ ) \-' ) ( |\| (.-' '--.) \./ \( /(_)-(_) \ | E A R \\/ /\ /`\ \ \_/ / . \ // /'---'\`/_ _/ ^ ^ ;--; .--`| ^ ^ /` `), /` . \ ^ /` ) . '). ~^~`/ ( \^ / ( ' \^-~`-~ - ^ ~^- . )/ . ) '-.;~^-~^~- ~^~- / `\ - . ~^~ ,-.`~~^~^~^ ~- `^_~-~^-| \^ \~_~^ -~^~- ~^`~^ ^~ ~_jgs .-./__/\__`\-. ~^_-~^- ~^- ^~ `-^~=~-`=~-~=-' ~ The Real Playboy Bunny Calendar http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html -<>- This last one comes from our friend Jo Ann. I've been meaning to do a page on it the minute I saw it! I think it is pretty cool! Just a fun one... __ .'` `'. / \ _ ; __.'` `'. | .'` `'. \ ; / HAPPY \ ; \; NEW ; | | Y E A R | ; _ ; 2 0 0 9 ;-./-_-` '-. /\ /_(;'/ `\() '. ; '.__ .'\|| ' | '. | ),\| \\ \() (\ ; \ \|/ __/ () \ __ \ \||\.~'_ `'.;-.___.~'` _'~. '.__ _/|/|/{ (_`.' '.`_) } `)/`\\\\ \ .' _ 0_._0 _ '. / .,_ \|| } -.' (_) '.- { _{ `\ \|{_ / '.___|___.' \ } //`._ | /` \ | | } }:'-. ()``'"--..==, { ,} \-"-/ .' } {,`-'. (//>`\> {` _./|\._. '-' ._ .~` /` ;'.() //> |> { {///( `-.-.-` ) _.' / '. ||> /> \ \|\);--`( )`--`(` } `\\>_.'> ; _/`/(__.'/`-'.,__/`, .` `"""` .-'` ;-.( \_(; \ .' .--, (`-._ ./ ` '. `-._..~` /o\\ jgs `'-;/``. `;-"`: |oo|| .--._ _.' . \ o ; . | /| /.-. ` . '._ _.' ' \_// ||oo\ `. `'-----` _.~`--..__,..' |\o | .~`'--......--' \'._/ _.~` `.__.-' Disney Character Bushes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneybush.html --- ...Absolutely wonderful! Thank You Ladies! You Make Our Day! ============================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: I Demand A New Room! A drunk staggered up to the hotel reception desk and demanded his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don`t like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it`s on fire." _ ( ..:::[=--. /o\ _ ) .:::'' \ (")\ /_\ (,`):::,(. `/:\ I I ) (. )' (' |:|`\ ,={_O_} jgs (,)' ). (' ),) _/^|_ -.__.' | | ====================================================================== +-------------- Bizarre Holidays In January ---------------+ January 1 is First Foot Day and Z Day January 2 is Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day January 3 is Festival of Sleep Day January 4 is Trivia Day and Humiliation Day January 5 is Bird Day January 6 is Bean Day January 7 is Old Rock Day January 8 is National JoyGerm Day and Man Watcher's Day January 9 is Play God Day January 10 is Peculiar People Day ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Tony In Australia :) >WORD PLAY: ,^. ||| ||| _T_ ||| .-.[:|:].-. ===_ /\| "'" |/ E]_|\/ \--|-|''''| O `' '=[:]| A | /""""| P | /"""""`.__.' []"/"""\"[] | \ / | | | | | <\\\) (///> 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.' 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.' 17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. 19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 21. A backward poet writes inverse. 22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects! --- ...TeeHee! Great Ones! Thanks Tony! =================================================================== >-->Guadian Angel at work... . , )). -===- ,(( ))). ,((( ))))). .:::. ,(((((( ))))))))). :. .: ,((((((((' `))))))))))). : - : ,(((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))_:' ':_(((((((((((((((' `)))))))))))).-' \___/ '-._((((((((((( `))))_._.-' __)( )(_ '-._._((((' `))'---)___)))'\_ _/'((((__(---'((' `))))))))))))|' '|((((((((((((' jim `)))))))))/' '\(((((((((' `)))))))| |(((((((' `))))))| |((((((' /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ '---..___..---' >From BizarreNews: Toddlers Amazing Tumble This is the kind of thing you would expect to see on a Saturday morning cartoon, not on the streets of a major Texas metropolitan center. Although we are talking Texas so I guess anything goes. Investigators say a 45-year-old woman was hit by a car last Sunday night while she was carrying her grandson across an intersection in San Antonio. Police said the 2-year-old being carried by the woman flew out of her arms, over the hood of the car and rolled into the vehicle's sunroof, landing inside the vehicle without serious injury. The woman was thrown to the ground by the impact and the young boy was thrown toward the windshield of the car, which he rolled up and before landing inside the sunroof, police said. The toddler suffered only minor injuries and police said his grandmother was taken to University Hospital in critical condition but was expected to make a full recovery. Police said the incident was being treated as an accident and the driver has not been charged with a violation. Bizarrely, Lewis ============================================================== >-->Happy New Year SMILES... _..@._ .' `\ / - - | / a a /, , | ^ D) ) ||\ , \ .__, /'. '. |\`,'/ .-';`-.___..;.-'\ \ \ _| / | .` _.; | -.`| \ _.-'| | \ ' \ 2 | . .' | | '._/`; 0 \ / /___\. / \ 0 \ | .`;,' _\_ | \ 9 '.| _/___|_/_|_}_ /\__ ' `'. '; \___________/ | ',`'-.,_'. \ | | \/`'. ._,;`'. \ | HAPPY | \ `\.' `| \ || NEW | | .' /-`\/| YEAR! | ;.' . _.'` / || | .' ,-' / / ;`-------`; / .'`; \ ( '._ _.' \ ( \ ` )`'`( \_,()))) jgs .' '. `"""""""""` >Time to diet? Doctor to Patient: "Well, well. It seems that your weight is perfect. It just happens that you are eleven feet too short." .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >New Year's Prayer: Dear Lord So far this year I've done well. I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help. Amen .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >A New Year's Wish On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >Lecture Tour with A Difference On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer. 'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger. 'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically. 'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >Politician in Action A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. 'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.' .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. A Bad Dream? Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?' 'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly. At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. Auld Lang Syne Auld Lang Syne was partially written by Robert Burns in the 1700's, it was first published in 1796 after Burns' death. Early variations of the song were sung prior to 1700 and inspired Burns to produce the modern rendition. An old Scotch tune, 'Auld Lang Syne' literally means 'old long ago,' or simply, 'the good old days.' Here are the lyrics: so many people seem to remember only the first verse. Auld Lang Syne Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne? For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne, we'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne. Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne? And here's a hand, my trusty friend And gie's a hand o' thine We'll tak'A cup o' kindness yet For auld lang syne. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >-->New Year Diets and Resolutions ... _________________ / _ /| / / / ####### // / /_/ ####### // KDDR / ______________ // ===============' This is a specially formulated diet designed to help WOMEN cope with the stress that builds during the day. I have found that this really works!! BREAKFAST * 1 Grapefruit * 1 slice whole-wheat toast * 1 cup skim milk LUNCH * 1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach * 1 cup herbal tea * 1 Penguin Biscuit AFTERNOON TEA * The rest of the Penguins from the packet * 1 tub of Gino Ginelli ice cream with chocolate topping DINNER * 4 bottles of wine (red or white) * 2 loaves garlic bread * 1 family size Supreme pizza * 3 snickers bars LATE NIGHT SNACK * 1 whole cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer) FINALLY REMEMBER: * "Stressed" spelled backwards is desserts" * Send this to four women and you will lose 2 kilograms * Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose 10 kilograms * IF you delete this message you will gain 10 kilograms -<>- ______ .-' . . .'-. / ' \ ' \ | ' \ ' | | : () : | | . . | \ . . . . / `-.______.-' )( / \ / ?? \ (weight) ___)____(___ jgs [____________] >Dear Diet Diary As a Christmas present this year, my daughter, Cresley [what a thoughtful darling] bought for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in reasonable shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Juan Antonio [ooh what a name] who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. Monday Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Juan Antonio waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god: he has curly hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Yippee! Juan Antonio gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Juan Antonio [call me Tony by now] was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my stomach was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FABULOUS week! My New Year resolutions will be easy. Tuesday I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the door. Tony made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air. Later he put weights on it. My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Tony's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me. Wednesday The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Tony was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning; and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Tony put me on the stair 'monster'. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Tony told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other garbage too. Thursday Tony was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. That man then took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent a skinny woman to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine - which I sank. Friday I hate that man, Toady or whatever his name is, more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. He is a stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic little bighead. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Toady wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the flippin' barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on the health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? Saturday That person, that Toady, left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. Sunday I'm having the Church bus collect me up so I can go to services today and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Cresley [the cruel, whingeing creep] will choose a gift for me that is fun: like root canal treatment or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds! ? .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. _____ ________ ,--' | `--. .--'578.3 kg`--. |mb`-._,-'fh| |mb`-.____,-'fh| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | `._________,' `.____________.' >The Month AFTER Christmas 'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.' As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt - I said to myself, as I only can 'You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!' So - away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie - not even a lick. Dieting in January I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! ============================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: >From OneNewsNow: Pastor Rick Warren is 'next Billy Graham' A conservative black pastor is drawing comparisons between evangelist Billy Graham and California mega-church pastor Rick Warren. Warren will be delivering an invocation at Barack Obama's presidential inauguration next month. But homosexual activists are angry with Obama's selection of Warren, because the popular evangelical pastor opposes homosexual "marriage." http://www.onenewsnow.com/Politics/Default.aspx?id=365372 Canadians fight for free speech A Canadian pro-family leader is pleased that the Canadian Conservative Party has overwhelmingly approved a resolution to repeal the "hate speech" provision that has been used to squelch the free speech rights of Christians and others who speak out against homosexuality. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Politics/Default.aspx?id=365390 Abortion industry asks Obama for billions in funding "They want unfettered abortion. They want the government paying for all of its programs," he contends. "In fact, [if] you total up everything that they've asked Obama for, Planned Parenthood and their friends want the taxpayers to give them $4.6 billion next year." http://www.onenewsnow.com/Politics/Default.aspx?id=364520 -<>- >From BizarreNews: ||::|:|| .--------, |:||:|:| |_______ / .-. ||::|:|| ."` ___ `". {\('v')/} \\\/\///: .'` `'. ;____`( )'____ \====/ './ o o \|~ ^" "^ // \\// | ())) . | Season's \ || \ `.__.' /| Greetings // || _{``-.___.-'\| \ || _." `-.____.-'`| ___ // ||` __ \ |___/ \_______\ ."|| (__) \ \| / / `\/ __ vvvvv'\___/ | | (__) | \___/\ / || | .___. | || | | | ||.-' | '-. jgs || | ) ||----------'---------' -- 16-foot snowman declared safety hazard --------- ANCHORAGE, Alaska - City officials in Anchorage, Alaska, have deemed a family's annual tradition of building a 16-foot-tall snowman a safety hazard. The Powers family, who have been building the snowman -- known as Snowzilla -- in their Airport Heights neighborhood yaard since 2005, said city code enforcers left cease-and-desist signs at the giant snowball that was to have formed the sculpture's base, the Anchorage Daily News reported Monday. The family's patriarch, Billy Powers, said only the base of the snowman had been built before the signs were posted, but he said his children and some neighbors had already "spent hours and hours of work on it." The declaration of Snowzilla as a public nuisance and safety hazard comes after neighbors complained about the attention it brought to the neighborhood from sight-seers and camera crews from as far away as Russia and Japan. City officials told the Airport Heights community council Dec. 11 that the structure of the massive snowman was unsafe and the spectacle increased local traffic to the point of endanger- ment. -- State Trooper Arrested After Abduction ---------- Baltimore, Maryland - Police say off-duty state trooper Bruce Wrzosek, 22, pulled up to a drive-thru and ordered up trouble. Baltimore County Police say they were called to Taco Bell by employees, who said they were being disturbed by a drunken trooper turning on his siren and trying to pull people over in the drive-thru lane. Before police got there, Wrzosek had thrown a 20-year-old man into the front seat of his cruiser. County police chased the trooper into a residential area. The witness inside the trooper car told police it felt like they were going 95 miles per hour during the chase. The trooper failed the heel-to-toe sobriety test. During the test Wrzosek said, "That's great, I'm drunk." Then before finishing he said, "I'm done, lock me up." The county's investigation showed there was no reason for Wrzosek to force the 20-year- old man into his car at the restaurant's parking lot. The trooper is charged with DUI, false imprisonment and eluding police. -- Maryland youths faking out traffic camerras -------- ROCKVILLE, Md. - Some teenage drivers in Maryland are cover- ing their car license plates with numbers belonging to teachers and others to fake out traffic cameras, a parent says. The DailyTech Web site reported Monday the un- identified parent told the Montgomery County Sentinel a few young drivers in the county print authentic-looking numbers on glossy paper and tape them over their plates. They then race past the traffic cameras, which record the infraction and produce citations based on the fraudulent plate numbers. They call the prank "pimping," the parent told the newspaper, and teachers and fellow students are the most popular targets. "This game is very disturbing," the parent said. "Especially since unsuspecting parents will also be victimized through receipt of unwarranted photo speed tickets." Montgomery Country police and education officials said it was a new one on them but told the Sentinel they would keep an eye out for violators. "It is unfortunate that kids have a lot of time on their hands that they can think of doing such a thing," said Edward Owusu, an assistant principal at Wootton High School, where the prank allegedly started. ==================================================================== >-->From The Jokester: \ | / ' _ ' - |_| - ' | | ' | >Why Oh Why... New Year's "Why's?" When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. A penny saved is a government oversight. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL." If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?" Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? Why do "tug" boats push their barges? Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Why is bra singular and panties plural? Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? How come abbreviated is such a long word? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? =============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: + * + + + `.!.' * + + -=x=- + .'!`. * + + ! * + + + + + * + * + ,-. * //"\\ + * + * // \\ * // = \\ + w w w + + //___o O \\ \O O O ||\_/|\|\ || + |\ `|\ '|\ _ ___||_Y_| \_\||_________|_\_|_\__|_\ hjw >The Missing Jesus The pastor of a large neighborhood church had some free time the afternoon of Christmas Day. He decided to drop by the church office for a few minutes to check his email. While he was there he started thinking about the nativity display on the church lawn and remembered seeing reports about Jesus being stolen from church displays in several larger cities. Before leaving the church grounds he thought maybe he would take one last look around and check on the display to make sure everything was OK. When he did, he was shocked to discover that Baby Jesus was missing. The pastor couldn't believe that someone in the neighborhood would have stolen the baby from the manger. The ceramic baby had been presented to the church by a local artist who had indicated it was worth about $1500. As he was heading back into the church to call police, the pastor saw a youngster pulling a brand new Radio Flyer wagon down the sidewalk toward the church. The pastor decided to ask the boy if he'd seen anything or ssen anyone suspicious hanging around the church. When the pastor approached the boy he noticed that the Baby Jesus from the church display was neatly tucked into his swaddling clothes lying on some straw in the back of the boy's new wagon. The preacher asked the 6-year old why Jesus was in his wagon. The happy youngster replied, "Before Christmas I prayed and asked Jesus for a new wagon for Christmas. When I opened it this morning I was thinking that I should thank him for it in some way. I decided that the best way to do that was to come down here to the church and take him for a ride in my shiny new wagon." The pastor smiled he helped the thankful boy place the Baby Jesus back in the manger in the nativity display before they both headed home. ==== As told by Ohio River Baptist Association Director of Missions Rodney Cude. ===== The birth of Jesus is the sunrise in the Bible. -- Henry van Dyke www.heartlight.org ==== >THE LOAN I ran short of money while visiting my brother, so he loaned me $50. After I returned home, I wrote him a short letter every couple of weeks, enclosing a $5 check in each one. A couple of months into this, he called me one evening just to tell me how much enjoyed the letters, regardless of the money. I had never written regularly before. Eventually I sent off a letter that contained the last $5, completing my repayment of the loan. The next week I found an envelope in my mailbox. It was from my brother. Inside was a check for another $50. ===================================================================== . ,. T."-._..---.._,-"/| l|"-. _.v._ (" | [l /.'_ \; _~"-.`-t Y " _(o} _{o)._ ^.| j T ,--. T ] \ l ( /-^-\ ) ! ! \. \. "~" ./ /c-..,__ ^r- .._ .- .-" `- . ~"--. > \. \ ] ^. \ 3 . "> . Y -Row ,.__.--._ _j \ ~ . ; | ( ~"-._~"^._\ ^. ^._ I . l "-._ ___ ~"-,_7 .Z-._ 7" Y ; \ _ /" "~-(r r _/_--._~-/ / /,.--^-._ / Y "-._ '"~~~>-._~]>--^---./____,.^~ ^.^ ! ~--._ ' Y---. \./ ~~--._ l_ ) \ ~-._~~~---._,____..--- \ ~----"~ \ \ >-->Ten Things A Cat Thinks About 1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener. 2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? 3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? 4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives? 5. Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us? 6. This looks like a good spot for a nap. 7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener. 8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place? 9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering? 10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss! ============================================================== >->From CleanLaffs: ,,__ .. .. / o._) .---. /--'/--\ \-'|| .----. .' '. / \_/ / | .' '..' '-. .'\ \__\ __.'.' .' i-._ )\ | )\ | _.' // \\ // \\ ||_ \\|_ \\_ mrf '--' '--'' '--' Have you ever heard the expression, "Straining at a gnat while swallowing a camel?" I never knew what the heck that was supposed to mean until today. When I came upon the joke in the middle of today's issue I determined to do a little research and solve this mystery once and for all. , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' As you might have guessed, it has a biblical origin. In Matthew 23 Jesus was chastising the Pharisees for observing the letter of the law but not practicing the spirit of the law. He said, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—-justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel." The important thing to understand is that according to the laws of Moses certain things were forbidden to eat, like insects, pigs and camels, among other things. So Jesus was comparing the Pharisees devotion to the minutia of the law while ignoring the large picture to straining one miniscule little insect out of water or wine so as not to contaminate it with a "forbidden" animal, and then drinking that wine with a camel steak. Anyway, it seems to make the joke just a little bit funnier if you actually understand it. Laugh it up, Joe --- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' ...Wow, Don't ya love word origins? I do - so insightful! That is why I did up a few of them to intrigue people to check them out further. They are pretty interesting. See them here: Word/Phrase Origins: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html Joe got this wisdom from Matthew 23:23-24 - Jesus doesn't stop with just the one example, he makes sure his point is well taken by giving several examples. I like his last summary too: Matt.23: "37": O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! "38": Behold, your house is left unto you desolate. "39": For I say unto you, Ye shall not see me henceforth, till ye shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord. -<>- _______\\__ (_. _ ._ _/ '-' \__. / / / / / .--. .--. ( ( / '' \/ '' \ " \ \_.' \ ) || _ './ |\ \ ___.'\ / '-./ .' \ |/ \| / )|\ |/ // \\ |\ __// \\__ //\\ /__/ mrf\__| .--_/ \_--. /__/ \__\ Noah was standing at the gangplank checking off the pairs of animals when he saw three camels trying to get on board. "Wait a minute!" he said. "Two each is the limit. One of you will have to stay behind." "It won't be me," said the first camel. "I'm the camel whose back is broken by the last straw." "I'm the one people swallow while straining at a gnat," said the second. "And I am the one that shall pass through the eye of a needle sooner than a rich man shall enter heaven." said the third. "Well, I guess you had better all come in," said Noah, "the world is going to need all of you." -<>- Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. "Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?" The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming in to work or leaving?" -<>- One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said. "Now you be good. Okay?" From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay." -<>- This fellow's wife was constantly nagging him to teach her to play golf. Finally, one morning he relented and off they go. First hole: Par 3, 179 yards, very pretty. The husband steps up first and says, "Now watch me, and do the same thing." He hits a beautiful shot, lands on the green with about 30 feet to the cup. The wife steps up, drills it, hooks it, and it ricochets off a tree, bounces off a rock and rolls up onto the green and drops into the cup. The husband looks at this, and says, "OK, now you know how to play, let's go home." ============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words !!) These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx -<>- ,------------. ,.--""-._ | Alice's `. __/ `. | Adventures in | _,**" "*-. `. | Wonderland | ,' `. \ `---------------' ; _,.---._ \ ,'\ \ : ,' ,-.. `. \' \ : The Mad Hatter | ;_\ (___)` `-..__ : | ;-'`*'" `*' `--._ ` | ; /,-'/ -. `---.` |" /_,'`--='. `-.._,-" _ (/\\,--. \ ___-.`: //___ /\'''\ ' | |-`| ( -__,' '. `--' ; ; ; ;/_/ `. `.__,/ /_,' /`.~; _.-._|_/_,'.____/ / ..--" / =/ \= \ / / ;._.\_.-`--'-._/ ____/ \ / /._/|.\ ." `*--'._ "-.: : :/".A` \ | | |. `. : ; |. `. \SSt One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. Then she says, (as only a mother would know...): Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet? =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: >From TheMouth: SANTA'S LITTLE HELPERS' NAME GENERATOR "At this magical time of year, the elves are busy wrapping up the toys and packing them on the sleigh. If you were one of Santa's little helpers, what would your name be?" After you learn your elf identity, feel free to share with everyone! http://www.bbc.co.uk/shropshire/features/christmas/name%5Fgenerator.shtml WHEN SNOWMEN ATTACK Uh, oh! It looks like Santa's not out of the woods yet. Seems marauding snowmen are bent on destroying his workshop! Only you can help Santa fight the evil snowmen... melt them before they get too close... http://smalloranges.com/crassmas/ WHAT IS IT? Looks can be deceiving, especially at this site which features a selection of puzzling photos. Scroll through the images and test your visual skills of perception! http://puzzlephotos.blogspot.com/ MR. BAD IDEAS Mr. Bad Ideas searches the world and his mind for the worst in bad ideas. It might be a good idea to kill some time by checking out his site! http://www.mrbadideas.com/ -<>- >From Linky&Dinky: 100 WAYS to LIVE LARGE on the CHEAP even if it's cleverly deceitful. http://www.cockeyed.com/magic/cheap/cheap.html FIGURE OUT WHY YOU'RE MOODY TODAY A slick Biorhythm calculator. (secretly get other people's moods too - give yourself a diabolical advantage.) http://www.facade.com/biorhythm Funny - THE FAR SIDE re-ENACTMENT GROUP re-enacts Far Side cartoons in the real world. http://www.flickr.com/groups/farside/pool/with/1479579121/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to you and yours 'This Year has been a very trying year for all do to the economy and all. This Christmas reminded me of all the great times I shared with family thru the years During this time reminded me of all the years passed and reminded me to keep my faith and hope even during hard times . Remember to charish everyone you have here and now. I just wanted to wish each and every one and there families a very Safe and Happiest of new year to come and I hope you got everything you wanted for Christmas. Peace and Love and blessings Melissa Daily Sunshine http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol01.html Phone Numbers Search Tools http://www.phone-numbers-search.com/ Moon Legends, and Tales http://www.moonlightsys.com/themoon/legends.html Pop Music The Most Popular Hit Songs http://www.popculturemadness.com/Music/ Medical Health Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/medical.html Name That Song http://www.songtapper.com Celebrities A-Z, before the fame http://www.hardlyfamous.com Fishing Boat http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdrese.htm Fitness http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdss.htm For The Lazy Sports Fanatic http://www.buffaloschips.com/glkl.htm Fox Thief http://www.buffaloschips.com/gfrdf.htm Freak out. No Whopper http://www.buffaloschips.com/grer.htm Fred Astaire & Eleanor Powell http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjki.htm Friends Come and Go http://www.buffaloschips.com/gtyu.htm Amnesty Bills Worst Provision http://www.buffaloschips.com/gfrd.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. -- Dave Barry "Here's a holiday tip I learned over the weekend: A fruitcake can be used like a Duraflame log in the fireplace." -Jay Leno "This morning the news said it feels like it's 10 below zero outside. It's freezing. It's so cold, I saw someone rubbing the Olsen twins together to start a fire." -Conan O'Brien "There was snow in Malibu today! Global warming? Kiss my a** Al Gore!" - Craig Ferguson "And not only here — it was so cold in Chicago, Gov. Blagojevich tried to sell Senate seat warmers." - Jay Leno "Now here's something historical. In January, all five living presidents are scheduled to have lunch together. Clinton suggested the VIP room at Hooters." --David Letterman "Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual." -Mark Twain "New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive" -Jay Leno "Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account." -Oscar Wilde ( * ) * ) * ( ) ( ( ( ) ( ) ) * ) ) ( ( ( ( * ) H ) ) [ ] ( ( * |-| * ) ( * ) |_| . ) ( | | . ) / \ . ' . * ( |_____| ' . . ) | ___ | \~~~/ ' . ( * | \ / | \_/ \~~~/ ) | _Y_ | | \_/ ( * jgs |-----| __|__ | * `-----` __|__ __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| H A V E A S A F E C E L E B R A T I O N! >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************