HEY! It's Obama Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This hottie comes from our friend Linda. Such a fun one! I love the antics of this one! Check it out here.. _ __ _ ;' '',) /;6 , ;/ (Y)_:., | `-', :; \ |; ,.:\ /:.; ;;) |:;,.'| :/ / |: / ; / /:;\ `| "// /_,: | |./,| _/: \.'|,|/| | /:.,:.|,|"| |:| /:;:|:,/;|:| |'| snd |',:| \_ \ |_|;\_ /;\_ /\_)) \_))\_)) (;(________ '''''`'''~` Longleat's Meals On Wheels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/meals.html --- ...LOL! So glad you shared this one with us Linda! Thank You! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Sure I've Gotten Old... I've had 2 Bypass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license! ___________________________ / _______ \ || .sss. | F L O R I D A | ||SS"""S | | ||S a\aS | Xxxxx Xxxxxxx | ||S = / | 2892 XxxxxxXx | ||_/ -'__| XXXX, XXX 32708 | |htxx wtxx RR302042 | jgs \____________________________/ ======================================================= +-------------- BIZARRE AUGUST HOLIDAYS --------------+ August 13 is Blame Someone Else Day [HEY! IT'S OBAMA DAY!] August 14 is National Creamsicle Day August 15 is National Relaxation Day and National Failures Day August 16 is Bratwurst Festival August 17 is National Thriftshop Day August 18 is Bad Poetry Day August 19 is Potato Day ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Brenda ;) .._ ; ; ; : :\ ; \\ : :\ ; _.--"""--.___ :; '-.' ,=" "-=,`."-, '. ;=" " ; '-. '-.; _..._ ; '-. : .-. ___ .-. ; \ ; ;.-".-."-.; ; : ; .' '._.' '. ;`,__.-.' ; ; _,_ ; ; `--" ; '..-" "-,.' ; '. `-.___.-' .' __..--" `-.__ __.-' "--..__ .-" /,\""/,\ "-. ; __.. , :",:@:=,"; , ..__ ; '._ __.-," '.'/ \'.' ",-.__ _.' """ ;, " " ,; """ ; . , : ; ' ' ; ; : .-"". `. ', ." .""-. /,""-.'. '. ; .' .'.-"",\ :: ' ; ; ; __ ; : : ' :; ;; ; ; /' '\ ; ; ;: :'. : ;,' ',: : .'; \ '._/ ; ; \_.' / `-._.' '._.-' fsc >Snuggles After I tucked my six-year-old daughter into bed, she asked if she could sleep with Snuggles, my special teddy bear, because she was just a little scared. I looked at her bed, filled with her own dolls and bears, and said, "What about all of these?" "They won't help," she replied. "They're already asleep." -<>- >Get Well Quick A little boy sent a "get well quick" card to his grandfather in the hospital. Inside the card he wrote: Dear Grandpa, Mama tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests. I hope you get an "A"! Love, Billy -<>- A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whiskey in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "No he is now!" -<>- A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I act like I'm listening." -<>- >CAR KEYS Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. "Idiot", he barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car." Yep it's the golden years. --- ...LOL! Thanks Brenda! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) . . \'.____.'/ __'-. .-'__ .--. '_i:'oo':i_'---...____...----i"""-.-'.-"\\ /._ _.\ : / '._ ;/ ;'-._ ( o o ) '-.__.' '. '. '-." '-.__.-' _.--. '-.: : '-' / ; _..--, / ; : '-._.-' ; ; : : : ` .' '-._.' : / \ : / ____....--\ : '._\ :""""" '. !. : : |: : 'www'| \ '| | || | : | | : | || | .' ! | | .' !| | /__I | | /__I.' ! .' ! /__I /__I fsc >Cow on the Tracks A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" -<>- >Calling Collect My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!" -<>- >Jedi Masters Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes him- self a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the FORKS, Luke." -<>- ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' >Dog Wisdom 1) The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous 2) Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers 3) If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers 4) There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams 5) A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings 6) We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam 7) Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud 8) I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner 9) A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley 10) Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. -Dave Barry 11) Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones 12) If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown 13) My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein 14) Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler 15) Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein 16) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx 17) Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -Dave Miliman 18) If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain 19) Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras 20) If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -Phil Pastoret 21) My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. -- an OleHoss --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks Bunni! =============================================================== >-->I guess since it's 'Obama Day' We can talk about him! [Politics] _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Quit trashing President Obama’s accomplishments. He has done more than any other President before him. He has an impressive list of accomplishments: First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner. First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in. First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States First President to violate the War Powers Act. First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico . First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party. First President to spend a trillion dollars on 'shovel-ready' jobs when there was no such thing as 'shovel-ready' jobs. First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters. First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat. First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S., including those with criminal convictions. [non-felons] First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees. First President to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign. First President to terminate America 's ability to put a man in space. First President to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation. First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present. First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it. First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke-out on the reasons for their rate increases. First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory. First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN). First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago. First President to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal). First President to fire an inspector general of Ameri-Corps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case. First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office. First President to surround himself with radical left wing anarchists. First President to golf 73 separate times in his first two and a half years in office, 102 to date. First President to hide his medical, educational and travel records. First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it. First President to go on multiple "global apology" tours and concurrent "insult our friends" tours. First President to go on 17 lavish vacations, including date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the taxpayer. First President to have 22 personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife. First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense. First President to repeat the Holy Quran & tell us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth. First President to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they “volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences. Then he was the First President to tell the members of the military that THEY were UNPATRIOTIC for balking at the last suggestion. First President to side with a foreign nation over one of the American 50 states ( Mexico vs Arizona ). How is this hope and change working out for you? THERE'S AN ELECTION COMING UP...I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THIS LIST WHEN YOU VOTE! --- ...Not sure if these are all true - but real close! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) >O' BUMMER TERRY ANDERSON, A BLACK LOS ANGELES TALK RADIO HOST, WENT DOWN A LIST OF THINGS SENATOR OBAMA HAS SAID THAT AREN'T EXACTLY CORRECT. 1.) Selma March Got Me Born - NOT EXACTLY, your parents felt safe enough to have you in 1961 - Selma had no effect on your birth, as Selma was in 1965. (Google 'Obama Selma' for his full March 4, 2007 speech and articles a bout its various untruths.) 2.) Father Was A Goat Herder - NOT EXACTLY, he was a privileged, well educated youth, who went on to work with the Kenyan Government. 3.) Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter - NOT EXACTLY, he was part of one of the most corrupt and violent governments Kenya has ever had. 4.) My Family Has Strong Ties To African Freedom - NOT EXACTLY; your cousin Raila Odinga has created mass violence in attempting to overturn a legitimate election in 2007, in Kenya . It is the first widespread violence in decades. The current government is pro-American but Odinga wants to overthrow it and establish Muslim Sharia law. Your half-brother, Abongo Oba ma, is Odinga's follower. You interrupted your New Hampshire campaigning to speak to Odinga on the phone. Check out the following link for verification Of that....and for more. Obama's cousin Odinga in Kenya ran for president and tried to get Sharia Muslim law in place there. When Odinga lost the elections, his followers have burned Christians' homes and then burned men, women and children alive in a Christian church where they took shelter... Obama SUPPORTED his cousin before the election process here started. Google Obama and Odinga and see what you get. No one wants to know the truth. 5.) My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian - NOT EXACTLY, she does her daily Salat prayers at 5am according to her own interviews. Not to mention, Christianity wouldn't allow her to have been one of 14 wives to1 man. 6.) My Name is African Swahili - NOT EXACTLY, your name is Arabic and 'Baraka' (from which Barack came) means 'blessed' in that language. Hussein is also Arabic and so is Obama. Barack Hussein Obama is not half black. He is the first Arab-American President, not the first black President. Barack Hussein Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side and 43.75% Arabic and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side. While Barack Hussein Obama's father was from Kenya, his father's family was mainly Arabs.. Barack Hussein Obama's father was only 12.5% African Negro and 87.5% Arab (his father's birth certificate even states he's Arab, not African Negro). 7.) I Never Practiced Islam - NOT EXACTLY, you practiced it daily at school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that faith for 31 years, until your wife made you change, so you could run for office. 8.) My School In Indonesia Was Christian - NOT EXACTLY, you were registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for making faces (check your own book). February 28, 2008. Kristoff from the New York Times: Mr. Obama Recalled the opening lines of the Arabic call to prayer, reciting them with a first-rate accent. In a remark that seemed delightfully uncalculated (it'll give Alabama voters heart attacks), Mr. Obama described the call to prayer as 'one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at sunset.' This is just one example of what Pamela is talking about when she says 'Obama's narrative is being altered, enhanced and manipulated to whitewash troubling facts.' 9.) I Was Fluent In Indonesian - NOT EXACTLY, not one teacher says you could speak the language. 10.) Because I Lived In Indonesia, I Have More Foreign Experience - NOT EXACTLY, you were there from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn't even speak the language. What did you learn except how to study the Koran and watch cartoons? 11.) I Am Stronger On Foreign Affairs - NOT EXACTLY, except for Africa (surprise) and the Middle East (bigger surprise); you have never been anywhere else on the planet and thus have NO experience with our closest allies. 12.) I Blame My Early Drug Use On Ethnic Confusion - NOT EXACTLY, you were quite content in high school to be Barry Obama, no mention of Kenya and no mention of struggle to identify - your classmates said you were just fine 13.)An Ebony Article Moved Me To Run For Office - NOT EXACTLY, Ebony has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn't, and never did, exist. 14.) A Life Magazine Article Changed My Outlook On Life - NOT EXACTLY, Life has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn't, and never did, exist. 15.) I Won't Run On A National Ticket In '08 - NOT EXACTLY, despite saying, live on TV, which you would not have enough experience by then, and you are all about having experience first. 16.) Voting 'Present' is Common In Illinois Senate - NOT EXACTLY, they are common for YOU, but not many others have 130 NO VOTES. 17.) Oops, I Miss-voted - NOT EXACTLY, only when caught by church groups and Democrats, did you beg to change your misvote. 18.) I Was A Professor Of Law - NOT EXACTLY; you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE. 19.) I Was A Constitutional Lawyer - NOT EXACTLY, you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE. 20.) Without Me, There Would Be No Ethics Bill - NOT EXACTLY, you didn't write it, introduce it, change it or create it. 21.) The Ethics Bill Was Hard To Pass - NOT EXACTLY, it took just 14 days from start to finish. 22.) I Wrote A Tough Nuclear Bill - NOT EXACTLY, your bill was rejected by your own party for its pandering and lack of all regulation - mainly because of your Nuclear donor, Exelon, from which David Axelrod came. 23.) I Have Released My State Records - NOT EXACTLY, state bills you sponsored or voted for have yet to be released, exposing all the special interests pork hidden within. 24.) I Took On The Asbestos Altgeld Gardens Mess - NOT EXACTLY, you were part of a large group of people who remedied Altgeld Gardens . You failed to mention anyone else but yourself, in your books. 25.) My Economics Bill Will Help America - NOT EXACTLY, your 111 economic policies were just combined into a proposal which lost 99-0, and even YOU voted against your own bill. 26.) I Have Been A Bold Leader In Illinois - NOT EXACTLY, even your own supporters claim to have not seen BOLD action on your part. 27.) I Passed 26 Of My Own Bills In One Year - NOT EXACTLY , they were not YOUR bills, but rather handed to you, after their creation by a fellow Senator, to assist you in a future bid for higher office. 28.) No One on my campaign contacted Canada about NAFTA - NOT EXACTLY, the Canadian Government issued the names and a memo of the conversation your campaign had with them. 29.) I Am Tough On Terrorism - NOT EXACTLY, you missed the Iran Resolution vote on terrorism and your good friend Ali Abunimah supports the destruction off Israel . 30.) I Want All Votes To Count - NOT EXACTLY; you said let the delegates decide. 31.) I Want Americans To Decide - NOT EXACTLY , you prefer caucuses that limit the vote, confuse the voters, force a public vote, and only operate during small windows of time. 32.) I passed 900 Bills in the State Senate - NOT EXACTLY, you passed 26, most of which you didn't write yourself. 33.) I Believe In Fairness, Not Tactics - NOT EXACTLY, you used tactics to eliminate Alice Palmer from running against you. 34.) I Don't Take PAC Money - NOT EXACTLY, you take loads of it. 35.) I don't Have Lobbyists - NOT EXACTLY, you have over 47 lobbyists, and counting. 36.) My Campaign Had Nothing To Do With The 1984 Ad - NOT EXACTLY, your own campaign worker made the ad on his Apple in one afternoon. 37.) I Have Always Been Against Iraq - NOT EXACTLY, you weren't in office to vote against it AND you have voted to fund it every single time. 38.) I Have Always Supported Universal Health Care - NOT EXACTLY, your plan leaves us all to pay for the 15,000,000 who don't have to buy it. 39.) My uncle liberated Auschwitz concentration camp - NOT EXACTLY, your mother had no brothers and the Russian army did the liberating. So, who EXACTLY is this Obama guy and what is he trying to sell us?! Please get to work now...not enough of your loved ones and friends know about this fraud. Does this guy ever tell the truth? NOT EXACTLY!!!!!!! --- ...Sad, isn't it? Thanks Johanna! And Obama is still at it - deceiving the nation with his lies! Check out his latest bunch of bull... But Obama, speaking on the west side of the state in Council Bluffs, strayed from his relatively reserved comments on Ryan a day prior and tried to pin the blame on Ryan for Congress' failure to pass a drought- assistance bill. It was a stinging charge to sling in America's breadbasket at a time of historically severe drought. "Unfortunately right now, too many members of Congress are blocking the farm bill from becoming law," Obama said. "I am told that Governor Romney's new running mate, Paul Ryan, might be around Iowa the next few days. He is one of the leaders in Congress standing in the way. ... While the Senate has passed a five-year farm bill, the GOP-controlled House nevertheless passed a narrower $383 million drought-and-disaster relief bill earlier this month. The Senate, though, wanted the broader farm bill dealt with, and it adjourned without acting on the House bill. House Speaker John Boehner's office and the Romney campaign didn't let the Obama comment slide without a tough response. "The Democratic-controlled Senate left town for August without taking action on a drought aid bill that passed the House with bipartisan support, including the support of Chairman Ryan," Boehner spokesman Kevin Smith said. "The weak attempt by the White House to manufacture a controversy illustrates the president's desperation to change the subject to anything other than his failures on jobs and the economy." Read more: http://tinyurl.com/8ns3gde ============================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From PatriotUpdate: Ryan Comes Out Swinging http://tinyurl.com/d8kc884 A tale of two rallies: Romney-Ryan draw overflow, while Obama half-fills room http://tinyurl.com/cunfe65 -<>- >From GodfatherPolitics: 20 Reasons Why Paul Ryan Was a Good VP Pick http://tinyurl.com/8trrue2 -<>- >From CowboyByte: Busted: Obama Campaign Video Shows Pension Agreement For Man In Super PAC Cancer Ad... http://tinyurl.com/9qkq59a -<>- >From FreedomOutpost: Army Officer Imprisoned for Questioning Obama http://tinyurl.com/csm9bcb -<>- >From our friend JoeL :) Paul Ryan: Hiding Spending Doesn't Reduce Spending - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPxMZ1WdINs --- ...so true! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From BizarreNews: This would make a great horror story if it weren't real. A 28-year-old beautician and former University of Memphis law student has developed a condition so severe, finger- nails grow from the hair follicles all over her body. You read that right. Doctors at Johns Hopkins Medical Center in Baltimore, where she is being treated, told her family that she is the only person in the world with this bizarre condition. The woman was a junior studying criminal justice when the mystery illness first occurred in September 2009. She went to an emergency room for an asthma attack and was given a large dose of steroids, which doctors suspected caused an allergic reaction. After returning home, she began itching. Doctors prescribed Benadryl, but it got worse. Soon, her legs turned black. Eventually, her body was scabbed all over. Meanwhile, all tests came back negative. Doctors finally gave up trying to diagnose her. In August 2011, she went to Johns Hopkins. There, doctors determined that she was producing 12 times the number of skin cells in each hair follicle. Instead of growing hair, the follicles were producing human nails. On her blog, she wrote: "It has taken all of my hair out and has left my body with scabs all over it, plus I have lost about 200 pounds. Two years ago, I was a healthy woman on my own...had big dreams and goals that I was following until one day my body completely shut down on me." Today she is on 25 medications and improving, but there is still no cure. It may sound unsympathetic, but I wonder what they are going to call the disease? *-- Dancing inmate reveals drugs in his bottom --* CHARLOTTETOWN, Prince Edward Island - A naked and drunk Canadian inmate doing a cartoon impersonation dance unintentionally showed jail guards a plastic bag contain- ing drugs hidden in his backside. The man had been arrest- ed while cavorting on a street with a beer in one hand and a cheeseburger in the other in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, The National Post reported. Jail officers suspected the man had also ingested drugs, so he was order- ed to undress in a cell for observation. The man reported- ly asked guards if they were familiar with the animated character Cyril Sneer, an evil pink aardvark. Court heard he then tucked his genitals between his legs, bent over and began dancing like the character moves, the report said. During his performance, guards noticed a piece of plastic protruding from his bottom. It was found to contain four doses of the powerful painkiller Hydromor- phone, guards said. Troy Campbell pleaded guilty to drug possession and was fined $805, the report said. *-- Boy had toy part stuck in nose for three years --* SALT LAKE CITY - A Utah boy can breathe better and smell aromas, his father says, now that a rubber wheel from a toy, lodged in his nose for three years, has been removed. The constant congestion and snoring of Isaak Lasson, 6, baffled his parents and doctors, until an ear, nose and throat specialist snaked a camera up the Salt Lake City boy's nose. "There it was, a ball of fungus," said Isaak's dad, Craig Lasson. Inside the ball was a dime-sized wheel of soft rubber, a piece of a toy. Isaak admitted putting "some spaghetti in there that hadn't come out," his father told ABC News, but "We have no idea what it is or where it came from." The wheel is now treated like a trophy, sitting in a container atop the family refrigerator, and "Isaak thinks it's great. He wants to show it to all his friends," his father said, noting his son has more energy and a better appetite, since he can now smell his mother's cooking. *-- Woman swallows butter knife --* ATLANTA - A 30-year-old Atlanta woman is OK after accident- ally swallowing a butter knife, doctors said. The woman was apparently demonstrating to a friend that she no longer had a gag reflex because of her history with bulimia, the New York Daily News reported. During her exhibition, she laughed and accidentally swallowed the knife, New England Journal of Medicine said. She was rushed to the hospital where doctors performed a surgery to remove the knife from her body. Drs. Aida Venado and Sarah Prebil said doctors were able to remove the knife without damaging the woman's throat or stomach. However, her husband later revealed the woman had swallowed a knife four years ago and she was then transferred to a psychiatric unit, the doctors said. The Los Angeles Times reported that most instances of people swallowing foreign objects are not life-threatening, citing an Emedicine.com article. "After reaching the stomach, a foreign body has greater than a 90 percent chance of passage," the article states. Although, the article said there are about 1,500 deaths a year from ingesting foreign bodies. *-- Woman spends summer as mermaid --* PORTLAND, Ore. - An Oregon woman who has been seen swimming in public pools while dressed as a mermaid said she is living out a childhood fantasy. Pauline Long, 56, said she wanted to be a mermaid as a child and she decided to spend this summer swimming in Portland pools while wearing her homemade fins, which were inspired by a woman she met a few years ago, KGW, Portland, reported Monday. Long, who said she is part of a 23-strong group known as The North- west Mermaids, said she knows she isn't a real mermaid, but her 6-year-old self would be proud. "I obviously know the difference but it's just fun. It's freedom," she said. "If you don't do it as a child, why not do it as an adult? Who says that you can't?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Dawg :) | -x- | v . ._, |_ ., `-._\/ . \ / |/_ \\ _\, y | \// _\_.___\\, \\/ -.\|| `7-,--.`._|| / / , /' `-. `./ / |/_.' | |// |_ / |- | | =| | | --------------------/ , . \--------._ jg >The Way Through The Woods by Rudyard Kipling They shut the road through the woods Seventy years ago. Weather and rain have undone it again, And now you would never know There was once a road through the woods Before they planted the trees. It is underneath the coppice and heath, And the thin anemones. Only the keeper sees That, where the ring-dove broods, And the badgers roll at ease, There was once a road through the woods. Yet, if you enter the woods Of a summer evening late, When the night-air cools on the trout-ringed pools Where the otter whistles his mate. (They fear not men in the woods, Because they see so few) You will hear the beat of a horse's feet, And the swish of a skirt in the dew, Steadily cantering through The misty solitudes, As though they perfectly knew The old lost road through the woods…. But there is no road through the woods. --- ...Teehee, Nice poem! Thanks Dawg! ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." "Yeah," countered the first deacon, "but God won't tell my wife." -<>- A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If we decided to live there permanently, away from civil- ization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife. She replied, "You." -<>- My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the same night that another school's 10th-year reunion was taking place. While my girl friends and I were in the rest room talking, some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said, "Don't mind us. We just wanted to see how we'd look in another 10 years." -<>- A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet and instructs the guy to hit him as hard as possible on the head. The magician then proceeds to put his head down on a wooden block. The man shrugs his shoulders and takes a mighty swing. Three years later, the magician wakes up from a coma in the hospital and goes.... "Taa-Daa!" -<>- When it comes to tunes, my local music shop prefers the sound of silence. A sign prominently displayed on a grand piano reads, "The management is not responsible for the actions of its employees if your child plays 'Heart and Soul' or 'Chop- sticks' on this instrument. -<>- Dobbins lost his eye in an accident and couldn't afford the price of a glass eye. So he carved one out of wood. But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house. Finally, his friend Eddy came over and forced him to go out. "There's a dance over at the club," he said. "So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?" "All right," said Dobbins, "but if anybody makes fun of my eye I'm leaving." He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage. And then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. She was very attractive, but she had a hunchback. "She's worse off than me," Dobbins thought. "The least I can do is ask her to dance. He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. "Would you care to dance?" he asked. "Would I?!" she exclaimed. "That does it," he shouted, "Hunchback! Hunchback!" -<>- Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way. They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?" -<>- One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about about him?" ============================================================== .-------------------- | | ,-""-. /) | / c/-} // | ( ,--)T-. // | `/ ,_) )\__,-/ | / /. \'_,-"< | / / ) _`).__ | _/,' ( ""-."-. |'-/ _/`-----. ),' |o!O '"-'"""----" >-->My Mother the Champion Copyright 2002 W. Bruce Cameron * if you forward this, please include the copyright! * Look, nothing against your mother or anything, but I truly believe I have the champion mother of all time. Name your category: My mother can out-mother your mother any day of the week- - she is the mother of all mothers. For example, my mother has turned nagging to an art form, using little signs all over her house to make sure people don't accidentally think for themselves. "Dogs: don't forget!" scolds a note posted by the back door. What the dogs are supposed to remember isn't clear- - it's my observation that most canines don't even bother to read the note in the first place. Maybe that's what they are not supposed to forget- - to read the note. It doesn't stop with just nagging: My mother's house has little signs affixed to nearly everything. Open a drawer containing knives, forks, and spoons, and you are greeted by a small sign which reads "Knives, Forks, and Spoons." I'll bet your mother allows eating utensils to be on their own recognizance, right? Well, not my mother the champion. My favorite is one that says, "Warning: electric pencil sharpener." Warning? Who is that for, the pencils? When it comes to the conversation competition, my mother takes the gold medal. Here's her entry for this year: Mother: Hello? Bruce: Hi, Mom, it's me, Bruce! Mother: Well this is a surprise. What's the occasion? You never call me. Bruce: What do you mean? This is the second time I've talked to you this week! Mother: Your sister phones me all the time, and not just when she needs money. Bruce: What? When was the last time I asked you for money? Mother: I don't know, when was the last time you called? Bruce: Just a few days ago, but I didn't ask for money! Mother: Your sister has a good job. Have you talked to her? Maybe her company is hiring. Bruce: (Incoherent noise, sounds like "Urgle.") My mother can remember every girl I should have married- - some of whom I've never even met. This catalogue of "nice girls" is trotted out whenever I mention my wife, as if the only reason I got married in the first place was to provide a conversational opening for my mom to discuss another area where I fell short of her expectations. Bruce: Hey, good news, my wife just won the Nobel Peace Prize. Mother: Why didn't you marry Goldie Hawn? Now there's a nice girl. Bruce: I don't know... Kurt Russell? (Okay, we've never actually had the above conversation. But it sure sounds like something she'd say.) So what does one get for a world-champion mother on Mother's Day? I decided to ask her: Bruce: So Mom, what would you like for Mother's Day this year? Mother: Oh, honey, save your money. You should pay down your debts. Bruce: My... (Deep sigh). No, really, Mom, it's okay. What would you like? Mother: Oh, just get me what you always get. Bruce: What do you mean, I always get? Last year I got you a bird house. The year before, I got you a sweater! Mother: Your sister bought me a lovely pair of silver earrings last year. Bruce: Is that what you'd like, Mom, jewelry? Mother: Oh, please don't spend your money on me, I'm happy with just a card or an old sweater. Bruce: An old... Mom, that sweater you got was the one you picked out from the catalogue yourself! Mother: Your sister always surprises me with something I never even knew I wanted. Bruce: Okay, that's it, I'm buying you a boa constrictor. You can put a sign on it warning the dogs not to forget it's there. Mother: Don't go to any bother, dear, I'm not expecting anything from you. Now, I don't want to get a lot of "my mother can beat up your mother" kind of mail over this, so I'll admit it: Maybe I'm a little biased in my assessment, here. Maybe, in the Mother Olympics, my mom wouldn't take the gold in every category. But as far as I'M concerned....she's number one in the world. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ For reprint permission, including web sites, please write me at Bruce@wbrucecameron.com This newsletter may be distributed freely via e-mail but you MUST include the following subscription and copyright information: The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 2002 ============================================================ >-->From JokeCentral: ___ .-"-~-"-. /.-"-.-"-.\ ||((o|o))|| )\__/V\__/( / ~ -...- ~ \ |\` ~. ~ .~ `/| () | `~ - ^ - ~` | () // | ; ' : . | ()\\/_() \ . : ' ; '/ ___/ /_____'. ; ' .'____ _ ^ `uu---uu` /\ __jgs________^ _________^_\/ \ \ //\\() ()/ () () >Betcha Didn't Know! 1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel. 2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself. 3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle. 4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. 5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate. 6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why. 7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2. 8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance. 9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! 10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. 11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood. 12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000. 13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver. 14. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before. 15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. 16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. 17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm. 18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA". 19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby. 20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. 21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola. 22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet. 23. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand. 24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. 25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. 26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. 27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson". 28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing. 29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher. 30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries. 31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them. 32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!! -<>- ____ /(( )) ( )6 6( ) (_) l (_) \ <> ) ____) (_____ ( \____/ ) ) ( )( ) ( / / \ / \ \ / / \ / \ \ \ \ )==( / / \ \ / \ / / '\\/ \//' '|\` '|\` \ / >The Ladies Turn! My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. ----------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you." ----------------------------------------------- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. ----------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor ----------------------------------------------- He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded. ----------------------------------------------- He said - Two inches more and I would be king She said - Two inches less, and you'd be queen ----------------------------------------------- On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..." Written just below it "I do not" ----------------------------------------------- He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. >From Patti patti...FYI! I do NOT fart in the sofa; I wait until I go to bed! - J.R. -<>- .-. .--..-"""-7_ / : : `: | .' ._`. 7 .=" "`: : , : : "The Size Of Your Heart" It's the size of your heart It isn't the size of your house as such, That matters so much at all; It's the gentle hand and its loving touch, That make it great or small. The friends who come and the hour they go, Who out of your house depart; Will judge it not by the style you show, But rather ... by the size of your heart. It isn't the size of your head so much, It isn't the wealth you found; What will make you happy is how you touch, The other lives that are all around. For making money is not hard, To live life well is an art: How people love you and how they regard ... Is all in the size of your heart. ~ Author Unknown ~ ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Chalk Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart4.html Casa Batllo - House Of Bones http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hbones.html Where's The Line? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html Freaky Art Vans http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html In Days Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html Paper Sculpture Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paper.htm Amazing Homes Around The World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahouse.html Best Bed Positions http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bed.html Humor In Politics 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics8.html Thinkers And Their Desks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html Stuck Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html -<>- >From Our Friend JoeL :) He Sent us one we have here... Rules For US Civilians http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html --- ...Great reminder! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) This is amazing. God bless those who care for his small creatures. Beauty and the Beak....Fantastic What people are capable of. http://www.vimeo.com/15184546 --- ...so very heartwarming! Thank you Linda! Reminds me of another story... Eagle Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "According to a survey by Playboy magazine, three percent of women can't remember their natural hair color. You know what you call these women? Blondes." -Jay Leno "Dell computers is offering refunds for customers in China who sued after getting the wrong microprocessors in their laptops. Apparently the Americans speaking to the Chinese through their workers in India somehow had some sort of miscommunication." -Jim Barach Housewives aren't the only ones struggling in the suburbs. One nursery in my town advertised, 'Desperate Houseplants- 25% off!' 'LOST' screamed the ad in my local paper in Celina, Ohio. 'Female medium-size gray tiger cat. Answers to Lucy or Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.' "We have a new recipe for an exotic gourmet dinner. First, take two credit cards..." --Bessie and Beulah "I'm really upset with the restaurant parking attendants. They won't validate my feelings." --Scott Wood "Our four-year-old Candice inquired, 'When our goldfish die could we take them out and eat them?'" --Bobbi Bourbonnais "I think I look good for forty-two. However, my skin is starting to lose its elasticity. I fell asleep on a corduroy bedspread. It took six hours for the lines to come out of my face." --Cathy Ladman "Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice? --Patton Oswalt "I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore." --George Carlin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************