Halloween Puns And More ... :) Shangy!
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================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
.-----.
.' - - '.
/ .-. .-. \
| | | | | |
\ \o/ \o/ /
_/ ^ \_
| \ '---' / | ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
/ /`--. .--`\ \
/ /'---` `---'\ \
'.__. .__.'
`| |`
| \
\ '--.
'. `\
`'---. |
jgs ,__) /
`..'
*~* WE NEED MORE 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009
Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click
on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up.
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
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OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY!
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
>THREE HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press...
Do you believe it? We've got three new pages!
The most recent one is sizzlin' Hot! It was one of
those that had to smack me over the head before I
got cracking and got it done! It comes from forwards
of not one, not two - but THREE of our friends! You
gotta thank Viv, PatH, and Maxy's Pal for this lovely
one. See if you can recognize the music with it...
The picture of Trigger at the end may help you :)
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jgs `'-._|_|;:;_.-'` '::. `"-
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Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html
---
...A very sweet one! Thank You Ladies!
-<>-
The next one is from a forward from our friend Wesley.
I couldn't resist doing up a page on it so all could
enjoy this beautiful one. When you check out the video
for this, be sure to first turn off the music if it is
still playing. This video goes perfect with it...
_______
/ /_
/ -/- / /
/ / / /
/_______/ /
jgs ((______| /
`"""""""`
The Last Day
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lastday.html
---
...I loved this! Thank You Wesley!
And the other hotty is from a forward from our
friend Viv. One of those you have to see to believe!
Check it out here...
.--------.__
|::::::::|[_I___,
|_.-.____I__.-~;|
jgs `(_)--------(_)"
Garbage Truck Camper
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html
---
...This was a fun one to do up! Thanks Viv!
-<>-
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>-->The 'Balloon Boy'
I wasn't going to talk about this, but Wesley sent us
this link...
Marin's 'Balloon Boy' from 1964 still flying high
- San Jose Mercury News - http://tinyurl.coom/ylntf4r
Which pretty much reminded me of it again so I thought I'd
discuss it with you because it still amazes me.
If you are like Paul, my son, and me, you were watching this
live on the news. It captivated me right away when I first
turned Fox News on and saw it on the screen. My son's son is
6 - the same age as the boy in this news story. We could
imagine him in the same terrible predicament. Trapped
thousands of feet up in the air in a run away helium balloon.
When the horror and the shock of it hit home, I lifted it to
Father and got back an immediate response from He whom I felt
was Christ saying 'I will take care of it'. I felt better. I
was thinking there must be many praying to God for the safety
of this little one!
But my 'feeling better' quickly changed, even though I tried
to keep my faith and positive belief in check. As we watched
the live Fox News report, they got experts in that made us
very concerned. They said they learned the trap door was made
of thin plywood that would not sustain a crash. They couldn't
figure how to get this saucer shaped balloon down safely. The
wind was causing it to travel some 25 mph sideways. Thankfully
they said it was topped out and would not be climbing any higher.
However, they said something that made both my son and I gasp
look at each other and exclaim 'Oh No!' Their expert said a
balloon like that one could stay up indefinitely! Not come
down on it's own. A troubling thought of the little boy stuck
up there without food or water for hours and days filled our
minds.
It wasn't long after that though, that we noticed the balloon
loosing it's shape and appearing to be coming down. We watched
in glee as it began to descend. The wind suddenly stopped as it
neared the ground. It circled in a slow spiral giving it the
'gentle me' affect that I will never forget. It was as if our
Lord Jesus Christ himself was right there gently bringing this
craft to the ground as gentle and as safe as possible!
We were praising God! We knew if this boy was in there that he
was not harmed by the landing and we had much hope for his safe
return to his family.
Anyone who followed this knows the rest of the story. The boy was
actually hiding at home and it was all a hoax put on by the family
to gain media attention so that they might one day have their
own reality show. Sad state of affairs to put their children up
to this!
It was the most horrible act of 'Crying Wolf' that I've ever
witnessed. But what gets me is our God and our Lord. It didn't
matter to God that this was a hoax. Remember what the bible
teaches us?
1 Peter 5:7
'Casting all your care upon him [God]; for he [God] careth
for you.'
This was important to millions of us across the nation. We were
very concerned! This was 'our care'. We lifted it to Father and
God gave it to His right hand man - our Lord Jesus Christ to
take care of.
This is a wonderful amazing example of just how much God cares
for us. He will even take care of things for us when there is
no real danger or threat. So many eyes were on that balloon. If
it had crash landed or come down violently, just think of all
who would of been devastated by it? We totally invested our
hearts to this little boy and their family!
Isn't God good? Isn't Jesus our Lord wonderful?
Gotta love them - at least I know I Do! :)
, ,
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jgs '---'
>Bible Teachings:
Who Is Jesus Christ?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/whoisjesus.html
God's right hand Man, Jesus Christ seated on throne,
given all authority power
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=48
What does the Bible say Jesus Christ is doing as
Lord / at God's right hand?
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=450
Our Valuable ANCHOR
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html
Genealogy Of Jesus Christ
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/genealogyofjesuschrist.html
The New Birth - Born Again
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/newbirth.html
All About Jesus Christ - More Teachings:
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&new_topic=27
-<>-
, ,
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jgs '---'
>-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition:
Dear Partner / Contributor,
We are very excited for you to watch our first ever Live
Out Loud Teens & Twenties promotional video.
We know that many of you have sown directly into the Live
Out Loud Scholarship Fund and we wanted you to see some
of that fruit!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5hw5YNUby4
We are hoping to use this video to reach hundreds of young
people through our MySpace and Facebook ministries.
Thank you for keeping this year's Live Out Loud Teens &
Twenties Conference in your prayers and thank you so much
for sowing into us so we can reach out all around the
world with the Gospel!
Together, We Can!
We sure love you,
The Home Office staff
Spirit & Truth Fellowship International
STFonline.org
==================== NOW - ON WITH OUR SMILES ====================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Bats In The Belfry
(,_ ,_, _,) Three Pastors in the South were having
/|\`-._( )_.-'/|\ lunch in a diner.
/ | \`'-/ \-'`/ | \
/ |_.'-.\ /.-'._| \ One said "You know, since summer
jgs /_.-' " `-._\ started I've been having trouble with
bats in my loft and attic at church.
I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare
them away."
(,_ ,_, _,)
Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds /|\`-._( )_.-'/|\
living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. / | \`-'/ \'-`/ | \
I've even had the place fumigated /__|.-'`-\ /-`'-.|__\
and they won't go away." jgs ` " `
The third said, "I baptized all mine and made them members of the
church... Haven't seen one back since!"
===================================================================
+------- Bizarre Colonoscopy Humor -------+
[A physician claims these are actual comments from his
patients made while he was performing colonoscopies.]
1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man
has gone before.”
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”
5. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
6. “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
7. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
8. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.
You do the Hokey Pokey….”
9. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
10. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!”
11. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
12. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
13. “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my
head is not, in fact, up there?”
===============================================================
>-->A Reminder from our friend Richard :)
FYI for my fellow vets
___ /|
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jgs %% %% '-.,___,.-' %% %%
Eat Free at Applebee's
Week of October 26, 2009
Military
veterans and active-duty servicemembers will be able to eat for free at
any Applebee's across the U.S. on Veterans Day, Wed., Nov. 11, 2009.
There will be six entrées from the menu to choose from. Guests will be
asked to show one or more of the following as proof of service: a U.S.
Uniform Services Identification Card, U.S. Uniform Services Retired
Identification Card, Current Leave and Earnings Statement, Veterans
Organization Card, a photograph in uniform, or wearing a uniform in
person. For more information about Veterans Day at Applebee's, visit
the Applebee's website at www.applebees.com/vetsday. A complete
listing of all Applebee's locations is available at www.applebees.com.
---
...Thanks For reminding us Richard!
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
(
( ) )
) ( (
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_..._ ___
.:::::::. `"-._.-''.
, /:::::::::\ ': \ _._
\:-::::::::::::\ :. | /|.-' /:::\
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`:::::::|:::::\ ': | `\ | __ |\::/\
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|::::::\ ':. | \ ';:: /.-._ , /
|:::::::| :. / ,`\;:: \'./0) |_.-/
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\::\ `: / '--' | /\ |
\:::. `:_|.-"""-. \__.-'/::\ |
'::::.:::...:::. '. /:::| |
'::/::::::::::::. '-.__.:::::| |
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|:::| `-::::\ `|::::/::/
jgs |:::| \:::\ \:::/::/
/:::/ \:::\ \:/\:/
(_::/ \:::;__ \\_\\___
(_:/ \::):):)\:::):):)
`" `""""` `""""""`
>CURTAIN RODS --- PRICELESS
On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle
of spring-water.
When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the
curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and
at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a
few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool
carpeting. Nothing worked!
People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.
Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had
to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half
- they couldn't find a buyer for such a stiinky house.
Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.
Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a
huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told
her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that
she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her
divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.
Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed
on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ...
but only if she would sign the papers that very day.
She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed
paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ....
... and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
---
...TeeHee! A Great classic! Thanks Sandi!
==============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
/| ,
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// // ,///
// // // //
// // || ||
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|| || // //
|| || // //
|| || || ||
\\,\|,|\_//
\\)\)\\|/
)-."" .-(
//^\` `/^\\
// | | \\
,/_| 0| _ | 0|_\,
/` `"=.v.="` `\ What's Up Doc??
/` _."{_,_}"._ `\
jgs `/` ` \ ||| / ` `\`
`",_ \\=^~^=// _,"`
"=,\'-=-'/,="
'---'
>From Emergency Email: Obama declares National Emergency - Swine Flu
What it means?
Complete information...
http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=430&z=29
-<>-
[POLITICS - Lots Of Issues Today!]
>From Libery Counsel:
So-called Safe Schools Czar pushes homosexual agenda
Recently, over 50 Congressmen formally demanded that President
Obama remove Jennings from his post. Here's what motivated
this unusually strong action...
The congressional letter states, "As the founder of the Gay,
Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), Mr. Jennings
has played an integral role in promoting homosexuality and
pushing a pro-homosexual agenda in America's schools-an
agenda that runs counter to the values that many parents
desire to instill in their children...
You can read the full letter here:
http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?u=22330&RID=22279143
+ + "Safe Schools" will mean "Pro-Homosexual Schools"
Jennings' intent is to use his platform as Safe Schools Czar
to aggressively promote... and even celebrate -- homosexuality
in our schools. He is an outspoken proponent of a radical
pro-homosexual curriculum -- including so-called "diversity"
training at the elementary school level!
This is deplorable. It is not to be tolerated!
On top of his unacceptable, strident stand on the homosexual
agenda, Jennings has even admitted to the use of illicit
drugs, showing no signs of remorse or repentance. This man
is totally unqualified to serve as a policymaker and role
model in the Department of Education!
+ + Tell the President: "Jennings is unsafe! Dismiss him now!"
I'm asking you to stand with me on behalf of our Nation's school
children. Join me, along with many congressional leaders and
tens of thousands of outraged citizens, in demanding that
the President dismiss Kevin Jennings from his post at once.
I want to rally at least 25,000 signers in the next two weeks
so we can send a very strong message in support of the growing
call to remove Jennings. Go here to sign:
http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?u=22330&RID=22279143
Liberty Counsel fights in courtrooms across America to protect
our faith and family values. Appointments like that of Kevin
Jennings only increase the attacks we must defend against.
And each day Kevin Jennings is in office, the platform for
radical homosexual activism in our culture will expand.
We must take action now!
Thank you for taking a stand, and may God richly bless you.
Mathew Staver, Founder and Chairman
Liberty Counsel
---
...Bible Teachings on this...
Gay Agenda:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/gayagenda.html
Crossed The Line
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/crossedtheline.html
Without Natural Affection
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/withoutnatural.html
-<>-
>From ACLJ: Speaking out against Islam could put YOU in jeopardy.
Sounds ridiculous, but it's true.
The United Nations (U.N.) is currently considering a ''Defamation of
Religions'' resolution being pushed by the Organization of the Islamic
Conference (OIC), the largest group of nations within the U.N.
The resolution would criminalize the proclamation of the Gospel
worldwide - an issue with such international ramifications, we've
responded with force.
View my special video report now!
http://www.aclj.org/OnTheTv/?aP=5843DD40-B96C-4452-9D89-1FCD435A7AEA&mmType=4
-<>-
>From The Outpost... All Roads Lead to a Dead End
The Democrats’ health care legislation, as is or in very similar form,
cannot be passed. Every choice point they encounter from this stage on
leads to an internal contradiction or a dead end. To use a mathematical
metaphor, their situation is overdetermined: there are too many
conflicting restrictions; there is no solution to their dilemma. (To
use a liberal metaphor: It’s a slam dunk!) Read More:
http://www.conservativeoutpost.com/all_roads_lead_dead_end
***
TAKE ACTION: Click here and join the campaign to tell Congress to
COMPLETELY defund ACORN of any and all taxdollars!
http://www.aktnow.com/petition/stop-all-federal-funding-acorn
***
>Organ Thieves, Hyperfeminized Football & White House Maoists
Congress is considering authorization of a tax deduction for pet
expenses of up to $3500. Frankly, if you can’t afford to pay for your
pet, you have no business owning a pet. Why should the rest of us have
to pick up the tab for this? And unlike children, other than not
deliberately running over it, I have no grand moral obligation to your
pets. This is going to end up causing crazy cat people, who hardly pay
any taxes anyway because of their near unemployability, to end up paying
no taxes at all.
Van Jones is not only a professed Communist but also a high-ranking
occultist as well. In an episode of PID radio, broadcasters Derek
Gilbert and Doctor Future pointed out that Obama’s former special
advisor for green jobs is also a fellow at the Institute For Noetic
Sciences, a New Age think tank that researches “extended human
capacities”, “integral health”, and “emerging worldviews”. These
categories include psychic abilities, the survival of consciousness
after death, and earth-worshipping pantheism.
Obama’s circle of advisors continues to grow more creepy and Nazi-like.
Obama’s regulatory czar, who will play a pivotal role in overseeing how
laws and policies are implemented, believes organs should be harvested
from the terminally ill without their permission. WorldNetDaily reports
Sustein as writing. “the state owns the rights to the body parts of
people who are dead or in certain hopeless conditions.” Before this is
all over with and these tyrants driven from office, one of those
“certain hopeless conditions” will no doubt be disagreeing with the
Obama regime. READ MORE>>
http://tinyurl.com/yzu3c6u
***
TAKE ACTION: Click here and say "NO" to Obamacare! Tell your members of
Congress that you oppose a "public option" today!
http://tinyurl.com/yh297kc
-<>-
>From CCA: Will the Abortion Issue Kill Obamacare?
Pro-life Democrat leader Bart Stupak, the courageous Congressman from
Michigan, has been fighting a gallant many-month battle to have health
care reform legislation absolutely guarantee that Americans' tax dollars
will not be used for the abominable practice of abortion. So far, it
has been a losing battle. The vote on Obamacare is expected in the
House of Representatives in early November.
Countless non-partisan authorities have confirmed that the five bills
being considered in Congress -- 3 in the House of Representatives and
2 in the U.S. Senate, where only one Republican, Olympia Snowe from
Maine, voted for only the Obamacare bill coming out of the Senate
Finance Committee -- will allow taxpayer funding for abortions. Each
of these bills are not subject to the Hyde amendment -- authored by
the late Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, Henry Hyde --
which ensured that no abortions, except to save the life of the mother
and rape/incest abortions (less than 2% of all abortions) would be
funded with tax dollars.
There are some 40 Democrats who are from generally conservative
districts who cast a pro-life vote from time to time -- some all the
time such as Congressman Stupak -- and they, with a unanimous vote
against Obamacare could stop abortion from being funded. There are
additional Democrats from conservative/moderate districts who are
pro-abortion and whose reelection chances are threatened next year if
they vote for a government-option health care bill.. (Read More)
http://www.cc.org/blog/capitol_hill_update_will_abortion_issue_kill_obamacare
----------
>Stop the Government Health Care Takeover
Join our campaign to “STOP Obamacare” today.
A majority in Congress continues to ignore the majority of the American
people – and they need to hear from all of us.
Join our campaign and let your members of Congress hear from you today!
http://www.cc.org/olcampaign/stop_government_healthcare_takeover
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Man asked for jail to escape wife -----
PALERMO, Italy – An Italian man who violated his house
arrest requested jail to get away from his wife, but the
judge sent him back home. Santo Gambino, 30, who was
arrested for dumping construction waste in March, was
taken to court after he was caught violating his house
arrest and asked to be given a jail sentence instead to
escape his wife’s “non-stop nagging” at home, the Italian
news agency ANSA reported Thursday. However, the judge
sent Gambino, who lives outside Palermo on the island of
Sicily, back home on house arrest and ordered him to “try
to get along” with his wife.
-- Young Norwegian takes Monopoly title -----
LAS VEGAS – A 19-year-old Norwegian defeated opponents
from New Zealand, Russia and the United States to become
the new world Monopoly champion. Bjorn Halvard of Oslo
won $20,580 Thursday, KVVU-TV, Las Vegas, reported. The
prize in the Monopoly World Championship is the real U.S.
currency equivalent of the paper money in the standard
Monopoly bank. Hjalvard, who graduated a few months ago
from high school, the Oslo Private Gymnasium, needed only
45 minutes to eliminate his three opponents in the final.
The runner-up, Geoff Christopher, 25, of New Zealand,
tapped out when he landed on Pacific and North Carolina
avenues in two consecutive moves and did not have the
Monopoly money to pay Hjalvard $1,600 in rent. Monopoly
in its current form dates back to 1935 although it was
based on an earlier board game invented by Elizabeth
Phillips in 1904. Phillips, a Quaker and advocate of the
single-tax ideas of Henry George, hoped to show the evils
of monopoly ownership of land. Hasbro which owns Monopoly,
has been holding the world championship since 1973.
-- Man pleads guilty to La-Z-Boy crash -----
PROCTOR, Minn. – A Minnesota man pleaded guilty to driving
while intoxicated — in a motorized easy chair he crashed
into a parked car. Dennis LeRoy Anderson, 62, of Proctor,
who pleaded guilty Monday in St. Louis County District
Court, was fined $1,000 and given two years of probation,
the Duluth (Minn.) News Tribune reported. Judge Heather
Sweetland of the 6th Judicial District stayed two years’
jail and half of a $2,000 fine. The criminal complaint
against Anderson said he tried to drive the motorized
La-Z-Boy chair home from a Proctor bar after drinking
eight or nine beers. Police arrived after he hit a parked
car with the chair, powered by a converted lawnmower, and
his blood alcohol content was 0.29 percent, more than
three times the legal limit for driving. No one was
injured.
==========================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
>The Internet Pledge
Are you BRAVE enough to take the Internet pledge!!
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my
newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand
typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and
plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few
friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the
Web.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop
telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the
Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for
email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week,
if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to
balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed
sometime ... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
-<>-
>Quarter Rush
On a busy Friday night at the restaurant where I'd recently started
waiting tables, the owner suddenly emerged from the kitchen
and handed me money.
"We're in trouble!" He said. "We're out of quarters, and
customers are waiting. Go next door and get me $40 worth."
I ran to the supermarket next door, but a cashier said she wasn't
allowed to give out that many quarters. Determined, I sprinted to
a convenience store two blocks away, but it was closed. At a gas
station farther down the road, the clerk took pity and gave me the
four rolls of quarters. Twenty minutes after I'd left, I handed the
coin rolls to my boss. "Where are the quarters?" He asked.
"Right here," I said breathlessly.
His face sank. "I meant chicken quarters."
-<>-
>Love In The Home
If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everthing
in its place, but have not love, I am a housekeeper
--not a homemaker.
If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative
achievements, but have not love, my children learn
cleanliness--not godliness.
Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh. Love
smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.
Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled
milk. Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.
Love is present through the trials. Love reprimands,
reproves, and is responsive. Love crawls with the baby,
walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands
aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.
Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a
child's heart.
Before I became a mother I took glory in my house of
perfection. Now I glory in God's perfection of my child.
As a mother, there is much I must teach my child, but
the greatest of all is love.
===============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
BOYFRIEND 5.0 TO HUSBAND 1.0.....
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and
jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the
Boyfriend 5.0 system.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to
no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
-<>-
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His
sobbing wife is standing outside. "What happened, honey?"
the man asks.
"Oh, John, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking when
the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the
phone, I didn't notice the stove had caught on fire. It went
up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn't make it
out of the house. Poor Fluffy is gone........"
"Wait! Back up a minute," the man says. "My agent called?"
-<>-
When my wife and I went up to New England a couple of years
ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns.
The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a
shower or a tub.
"What's the difference?" I asked.
"Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down."
-<>-
The fragrance department of a major New York City store where
I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models
move about the floor offering to spray customers with the
newest bouquet.
One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two
women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com-
mented that the perfume was too strong, the model replied,
"The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol
wears off."
"See!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that second
drink."
-<>-
The pastor of a local church was wearing his clerical collar
while visiting his wife who was in the hospital for minor
surgery. He stopped in to see her and chatted with her for
quite some time. Before leaving, he leaned down and gave his
wife a great passionate kiss and left the room.
The woman in the next bed over stared in disbelief. After
the pastor left, the stunned woman spoke to her roommate,
"You know, I've been a faithful member of my church all my
life, but my pastor has never even come close to treating
me as well as yours does!"
-<>-
[Here's a left-over joke from Halloween that I didn't use.
Just like left-over candy...it's a little stale and not very
good...but I just can't bear to throw it away!]
I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman
behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her
uniform.
"I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you
supposed to be?" I asked.
The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
=============================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
.--. .-, .-..-.__
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-."-/\\\/:::. `\."-._'."-"_\\-| |///."-
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>Halloween Poetry
A really old vampire named "Tex"
Is "out for blood" and I suspects
He's not a nice guy
If he catches your eye
It's you who will likely be necks
Mrs. Drac shortly after her wedding
Was forced to wash all of her bedding
Seems she'd been a virgin
And Drac was no surgeon
So there'd been a bit of blood letting
The mummy was looking quite dapper
"Got rich from my music, Old Chapper
'Cause the music that comes
When my bandages hum
Has made me the world's greatest wrapper!"
From the pyramid when one exhumes
A mummy, he's mute we presumes
But you'll know when one's coming
By listening for humming
He doesn't know words, just the tombs
Lon Chaney once met Mister Hyde
Who had the poor fellow tongue tide
When Hyde asked "Is that hair
That you wear, wash & wear
Or do you wear wolf just inside?"
, ,
, , /\ /\ /( )\
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jgs {} / \_/\=/\_/ \ / `-.\=/.-' \ ()
The Wolfman eventually replied
I wash my hide, Hyde, just in Tide
I'm a wash & wear wolf
Though I say so my sulf
My hide is a great source of pride.
And what of your trousers, perchance are
They off somewhere hiding? Please answer
For coming up soon
We will see a full moon
If you can't explain now where your pants are.
To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin' will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises
The vamp gives the chickens a fright
When they see him they always take flight
But there's one that he catches
Whose jewelry he snatches
And he flies with his capon all night
.-.
heehee /aa \_
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.-. (__/ / haha _/oo \
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jgs '-' / \
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( __.-._/
'-'
`One of those dead old pha-raohs
`Once asked his dad why 'twas he was
``Now I'm just a dummy
So go ask your mummy
But she will just tell you, "Be gauze"
The famous Egyptian King Tut
Had a fabulous musical butt
"But some people thinks
My music, it sphynx
I blow toots uncommon, so what?"
The virginal queen we should pity
That's right, no not once, never did he
Cop even a feel
She, 'e gypped, a raw deal
So what did he touch? Nefertiti
When the full moon is giving its glow
The hair on this fellow will grow!
But you never will creep
Up on him in his sleep,
That's why he's aware-wolf, you know!
_/`.-'`.
_ _/` . _.'
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_/ .-. \`do/`__)#oo#####ooooooooo'.__.' `
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`dojgsooooobodoooooooob'
`doooooooob dooooooob'
`"""""""' `""""""'
Dracula must suck blood to live.
Fortunately, virgins have much to give!
He cuts through the tripe,
Asks if they match his type,
And they respond with, "O Positive!"
Count Dracula, lanky and slight,
And eschewing a heartier bite,
Was growing bulimic
On victims anemic.
He insisted on making it Blood Lite.
Unlike Star Wars gals
Oprah's haunter wears no bra
Her phantom, man is
Hot cauldron simmers
Keep an eye out for... Uh Oh!
Eye newt 'twould boil up
I took her broom but
If this witch must walk, I will
Not lose any sweep
Mom's not in costume!
I'll be the Wolfman and she
Will be the Mummy
Mom! Don't hold my hand
No one is scared of monsters
Who can't walk alone
Knock on Falwell's door
Dressed as a teletubby
That should piss him off
Torch between my legs
I'm dressed as Pinocchio
Great balsa fire!
What's wrong, are you blind?
I'm the invisible man
Why can you not see?
-<>-
=/\ /\=
/ \'._ (\_/) _.'/ \ (_ _)
/ .''._'--(o.o)--'_.''. \ /\ /\
/.' _/ |`'=/ " \='`| \_ `.\ / \'._ (\_/) _.'/ \
/` .' `\;-,'\___/',-;/` '. '\ /_.''._'--('.')--'_.''._\
/.-' jgs `\(-V-)/` `-.\ | \_ / `;=/ " \=;` \ _/ |
" " \/ `\__|`\___/`|__/` \/
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` " `
>Halloween Puns
A bite on the neck may be quite sacramental,
but demons are a ghoul's best friend.
(The International Save the Pun Foundation)
.'` `""--.._..--""` `'.
/ .-""-"-""-. \
| / \ |
\, | .--.-.--. | ,/
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|_ | | _|
_.;____ | | ____;._
jgs /` `| |` `\
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Halloween is the time of year when everybody's attention turns to
raising the dead--or as they call it in Chicago... getting out the
vote. (Voldseth)
A perfectly spherical pumpkin makes good pi. (Pun of the Day)
Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on his coffin break. (Daily Groaner)
Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
He wants to use them later for cold cuts! (Johnny B.)
How do ghosts begin letters?
"Tomb it may concern" (Bree Schultz)
Why would the werewolf change if you pull down his pants?
Because there was a full moon (Gary Hallock)
_..._
.' '.
; __ __ ;
|/ \ / \|
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|(| \o| |o/ |)|
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.-' | ,.___., | '-.
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`\ '-...-' /`
`\ / \ /`
jgs `\\_//`
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin (Gary Hallock)
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He did not have a haunting license. (Joke of the Day)
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures. (Trinitty)
-=[ mummies ]=- 10/00
.--. .--.
| = o\ | = o\
\= =_/ \= =_/
)= \____ )= \____
; = _|__-\ ; = _|__-\
|= ----.\ |= ----.\
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Why did the doctor tell the zombie to get some rest?
He was dead on his feet. (C C Jokes)
What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his
back?
"You're under a vest!" (C C Jokes)
What can you say about the likeableness of a ghoul?
Zombie nice, Zombie not so nice (Gary Hallock)
__ __
.-' "." '-.
.' ___,___ '.
;__.-; | | | ;-.__;
| \ | | | | | / |
\ \/`"`"`"`"`\/ /
\_.-,-,-,-,-._/
\`-:_|_|_:-'/
jgs '. .'
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Vampire tricks and treats
Superstitiously fearful
Of crossing the streets
(Gary Hallock)
At the Halloween ball the ghosts danced sheet to sheet. (Richard
Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
The witch's favorite subject in school was spelling. (Lars Hanson)
Zombie: What you look like before that first cup of morning coffee.
(Humor-Exprezz)
What happened to the monster children who ate all their vegetables?
They gruesome. (Paul Croft)
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with. (The Daily Giggle)
Whom did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up. (Jokes Central)
What does a ghost eat for breakfast??
Scream of wheat! (Joke of the Day)
Ghost-Toasties (Gary Hallock)
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on
Halloween?
Ghoul-aid ( Trinitty)
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day scare centers. (Clynch Varnadore)
.:\:/:.
.:\:\:/:/:.
:.:\:\:/:/:.:
:=.' - - '.=:
'=(\ 9 9 /)='
( (_) )
/`-vvv-'\
/ \
/ /|,,,,,|\ \
/_// /^\ \\_\
WW( ( ) )WW
__\,,\ /,,/__
jgs (______Y______)
Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&Ms
(Randall Woodman)
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin. (The Daily Giggle)
What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A Boo-logna sandwich. (Jeff P. Symonds)
Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
They're a bunch of no bodies. (Louise & Mike Gourdoux)
Why did the impotent guy date the witch?
Because she always scared him stiff! (Original Sin)
What's wrong, are you blind?
I'm the invisible man
Why can you not see? (Gary Hallock)
,____
|---.\
___ | `
/ .-\ ./=)
| |"|_/\/|
; |-;| /_|
/ \_| |/ \ |
/ \/\( |
| / |` ) |
/ \ _/ |
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/ | |
.' | |
jgs / \ |
(_.-.__.__./ /
An apparition attired in green and red was questioned about its
unusual attire. “I’m a Christmas wraith” was the reply. (Richard
Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
Mother vampire to son: Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it
clots. (Bunch o'Jokes Club)
Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a baseball with. (Humor-Exprezz)
What do you call a middle eastern exotic dancing mummy?
A gauza stripper (Gary Hallock)
What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
He had to give it back. (Paul Croft)
Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he is always a goblin. (Joke of the Day)
, ,
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jgs /` | | `\
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/_____/| / \._\ /_./ \ |\_____\
(/ (/' \) (/ `\) \)
Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack (The Daily Giggle)
Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank (Bill Stubbins)
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to. (Jeff P. Symonds)
What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
Five after one. (Jokes Central)
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos. (Trinitty)
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein. (Clynch Varnadore)
What is a ghost's favorite ice cream flavor?
Boo-berry. (Lars Hanson)
Torch between my legs
I'm dressed as Pinocchio
Great balsa fire! (Gary Hallock)
The egotistical mummy was all wrapped up in himself. (Richard
Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin. (Humor-Exprezz)
Witches, goblins, and ghouls go to their favourite bar and sing "S
Karaoke" (Norman Gilbert)
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with. (Trinitty)
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on. (C C Jokes)
What do you call a skeleton that won’t get out of bed?
Lazy Bones (Brenda, 9)
People who play the stock market get happy on haloween. Why?
Its ticker treat night! (Louise & Mike Gourdoux)
What did the wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs. (Joke of the Day)
, ,
/ \ / \
|/\ \ _,_ / /\|
|| \ |.-" "-.| / ||
|| / -.\\ //.- \ ||
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; |\__"__/| ;
\\ \/^\/ //
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jgs \\-.-//
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What do you get if you cross Jesse James and Dracula?
A robbery at the blood bank. (Paul Croft)
What was the werewolf's first name?
Harry (Gary Hallock)
What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin with a jack-o-lantern. (The Daily Giggle)
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos. (Clynch Varnadore)
What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
An amoeboo! (Jeff P. Symonds)
What should you say when you meet a ghost?
"How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?" (Jokes Central)
Knock on Falwell's door
Dressed as a teletubby
That should piss him off (Gary Hallock)
You don’t have to worry about Daylight-Saving-Time at Halloween.
The holiday is always on Green Witch Mean Time. (Richard Lederer
and P. C. Swanson)"
What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
He had to give it back. (Jokes Central)
A new book about a cross-dressing vampire is called "Dragula."
(Gill Krebs)
Mummy: Who kisses the boo-boo after you scrape your knee.
(Humor-Exprezz)
If you want to deliver mail to skeletons, try the bony express
(From MAL).
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a. (Trinitty)
What's frightening and stuck on the end of your arm?
A terror wrist. (Daily Laugh)
Who is the witches favorite singer?
Robert Ghoulet (Stan Kegel)
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.(Jackie Holle)
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch. (C C Jokes)
What do you get when you bite a ghost
A mouth full of sheet (Paul Croft)
What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
Tombstones (Bill Stubbins)
How do you slay a vampire?
Put a bunch of reindeer in front of him. (Scot Nelson)
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line. (The Daily Giggle)
What do cows do on halloween night?
Trick or teat! (Louise & Mike Gourdoux)
Too much candy left
Expecting more costumers
I'll stay up later (Gary Hallock)
And of course, you heard about the stake-out in the vampire
emergency room. (Lars Hanson)
.-.
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At the Halloween ball, a number of the ghosts became drunk and
disorderly. One of theghouls observed, “Just like when he was alive
working as a bicycle mechanic, the bartender got the spooks too
tight.” (Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson).
Did you hear about the unsuccessful vampire hunter? He tried to
kill a vampire by driving a pork chop through its heart because
steaks were too expensive! (Don & Peggy Z'Boray)
Western Union opened an office in a grave yard so the spooks could
send and receive crypt-o-gram. (Archives)
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line. (Trinitty)
.How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch. (C C Jokes)
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray. (Clynch Varnadore)
Why did Dracula break up with his sweetie?
She wasn't his blood type. (Joke of the Day)
What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk. (Paul Croft)
What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
Vampire campfire. (The Daily Giggle)
.--.
/ ..\
____.' _o/
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Why did the ghost get a gun?
He wanted to be a deer haunter! (By Louise & Mike Gourdoux)
Why do witches think they're funny? Every time they look in the
mirror, it cracks up. (Jokes Central)
Mr. Hyde: What a guy becomes when there's housework to be done
(Humor-Exprezz)
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>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Sweet Baby Overload
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sweetoverload.html
Halloween Graphics...
Gargoyle, ghost, Halloween+pumpkins, Haunted House
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html
Monsters -[Frankenstein - Mummy - Warewolf] Moon
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html
Pumpkin, Scooby, Trick Or Treat
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html
Vampire, Witch, Wolf, Words:Boo, Words:Hallo
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html
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>From Our Friend Viv :)
Wonder why mainstream doesn't carry this? Bribery??
http://tinyurl.com/yzexqjm
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...Pretty Interesting stuff - Thanks Viv!
-<>-
Viv sent us a forward that I had already forwarded to the
group and is one of our Extra's. For all their recipes
along with the Crock Pot Cooking ones visit here:
http://www.50plusfriends.com/cookbook/index.html
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...Thanks for the reminder Viv!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley:
NASA - NASA app for iPhone
http://tinyurl.com/yhbqaxn
Create your anti-spam temporary email adress ! Free
http://www.tempomail.fr/index_en.html
Free planning & organizing software
http://www.planner-software.com/
Speedtest - how fast are you?
http://speedtest.10-fast-fingers.com/
---
...Pretty Useful Stuff! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Fat Wedding
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41031.htm
Funny Sign
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41035.htm
Glasses
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41036.htm
Promise
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41037.htm
Gun Bag
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41038.htm
Hamburger
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41039.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"According to the latest Gallup Poll, one-quarter of Americans
are bilingual; the other three-quarters don't speak any
English at all." --Jay Leno
"A New York fitness expert has released an exercise book for
nuns called, "Changing Habits: The Sister's Workout." The
Vatican rejected the original title, "Nuns of Steel.""
--Conan O'Brien
"I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut
up." --Tom Lehrer
Some people are like slinkies... not really good for anything,
but it's still fun to watch them tumble down the stairs.
"My mom had a weekly court and we'd get tickets during the
week. On Saturdays, my dad would be the judge and mom would
be the prosecutor. We could state our case, but she was like
MATLOCK - she always won!"
--MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE dad BRYAN CRANSTON recalls his own
childhood.
"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
---Jay Leno
"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women."
--A law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could
not vote.
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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